What makes your blood run faster?

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Did you ever wonder what’s keep relation alive? Is that harmony, laughter, habit? Or this is something else, what makes your blood run faster?

Now here is the story how conflicts might make relation interesting, painful but also challenging.

Louisa was married but she had problems in her marriage. Her husband was too passive, too sensitive and he liked to judge her accord her past, while she was promiscuous. Every time when they had conflict, he would mention her past, as kind of rock which disturbs on his feelings. “You had relation with this hooligan guy and i hardly digest it. ” Louisa felt as she has plague, and whatever she did in her life was not good enough to get admiration of her husband.

She met man on internet sites. Marco was different character than her husband. He was man who could control his feelings, strong, and promiscuous in his past, as she was before. She attracted him and he wanted to see her in reality. Louisa did not want to met with him, because it would be the end of her marriage.

She spent year in virtual contact with Marco. They had many hot talks, conflicts and meetings at video chat. Louisa was different from any woman Marco met before, and Marco was as whiskey shot to Louisa, she felt alive. She had that butterflies in her stomach, her heart beaten faster when she was talking with him. She felt as woman with him, because he was not so sensitive as her husband. He could call Marco idiot and moron, and next day they would smile together.

One day Louisa saw Marco on page of another woman. That woman was old and different than Louisa. She was traditional , quiet , as kind of classy granny who lost race with time. Helga was her name and she said in public that she is going to meet with Marco. She could be his mother accord her ages, she was at least 15 years older than Marco. Louisa noticed something, Marco spoke different with her. She had kind of respect, because Helga was widow.

In that moment all dreams about perfect lover crushed in Louisa’s mind. She had adrenaline with Marco, but she did not get his appreciation. Even he claimed that he is not interested for Helga, Louisa could not handle this fact, that Marco expressed public respect to another woman.

Meanwhile, Louisa’s husband woke up from his passive dream. He saw his wife is crying without reason many times, he saw her angry after using her smartphone, and he asked her what is happening. Louisa said him part of story. Also Louisa said goodbye to Marco. She got her butterflies, her adrenaline, her doze of passion. Just, Louisa was very proud woman, she could not handle that some old granny will take her spot.

Marco begged Louisa not to break contact with him. But for her, friendship was impossible the same as relation with Marco, cause he humiliated her.

Louisa focused on her husband, to solve problems at home. Still Marco lives in part of her mind, as bitter sweet memory.

What is the point of real love? If we have passion and respect on the same side, we have big chance to stay together very long time. If we ignore partner, he will ask happiness somewhere else. If we want someone, but we give respect around, not to our special person, that person will escape.

Louisa understood that monogamy is hard, but promiscuity is much worse. Cause you can’t never know when you will be replaced. Maybe you will get bored in monogamy, but you will be broken if you stand in someone’s line.

You can always make spice in your marriage with conflict, different attitude and kind of scene. Let’s act like kids. Let’s play games.

Just, when you lose something worthy cause of judgment, or weakness, that is too big defeat. Louisa got lesson on time.

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Today friends, tomorrow enemies

 

Yesterday we were close friends, today we are enemies. Shit happens, and life is creator of dramas and tragedies because human nature is variable. Some people will turn you back, no matter if they were friends, lovers, even members of your family. Some of us simply can’t stay firm and stable in their choices and decisions and life will push them on other side, side against us.

Amelia and Clara were good friends in childhood. Amelia was sensitive, and Clara was sharp, and she often underestimated Amelia , she loved to play mother role with her. Amelia loved Clara, she saw leader in her, and she was her follower. With years, Amelia start to feel that something is not alright and that Clara is more rival than friend, so she talked with her about her behavior. Clara thought that Amelia can’t understand her jokes and nothing changed. Later Amelia found new friends and openly said to Clara that she doesn’t enjoy in her company anymore. This was not the end. Amelia left with decent words, she wrote letter to Clara. Few weeks later Amelia received phone call. It was male voice, and he said : “Listen bitch. Do you think you can hurt people without paycheck? I will follow you and i will smack your hypocrite face. ” It was disturbing and Amelia cried from shock, so she even invited her cousin to go with her out. She did not see nobody around her, and for few days she realized that was a threat. Clara hired her male friend to call Amelia on the phone, she could not stand that little mouse Amelia broke their friendship. It was her way to revenge.

Real faces of so called friends will show up in the time of crises and conflicts. If someone can’t accept the fact that you cut of him from your life, you can expect anything. Revenge, gossips or anger, that are reactions of people who can’t stand denials or defeat.

When someone is leaving from your life, don’t hold the door locked. Don’t follow this person if you ever respected and loved him. Sometimes we can’t save relation, no matter is this friendship or love. But, we can save our pride and memories. Do you wish that your friend remember you as an asshole? I had experiences with people who did not want to be part of my life anymore. I let them go where they feel better. There is no sense that i beg someone for loyalty, respect and attention.

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People will leave from various reasons:
Sometimes they are jealous or envious, they can’t follow your step. 


Sometimes they will not understand that you are so busy and that you can’t focus on them.


Also, priorities are changing, and they will find another friends and interests. 


Some people are not born as stable. 

 

They can’t be on one place, with one person, and they can’t hold basic relations. They are in pass, as passengers in your journey. Take the best of them and let them go.

When someone can’t follow you anymore in your journey, set him free. Nothing is worse than person who is still in your life, but because of wrong reason as condolence and fear.

A man who uses every opportunity

 

If you are one of those women who think that your man will change, you are wrong. Even if it is, you are not the one who will change him. He will be changed by own decision or circumstances in life, or he will stay the same, but with another skin.

When man has ability as chameleon, he is step forward. He can be ready for all surprises and he will be able to rule with all situations.

Amanda was rich daughter and her parents were masters in small city. She was cocky, glamorous and somehow cruel, so many men were afraid to approach her. Hugh was poor guy without parents, he was earning for life by fixing cars and motorbikes, and he lived in rented flat. They met in gym and Amanda captured his eyes at first moment, when she was exercising at Treadmill, by guidance on her coach. Hugh involved in their conversation and give her few advices, how to keep form. Amanda was interested for this rude guy, because he did not care for nice manners and he was not impressed by her at all. At least, he didn’t show this immediately. She was the one who asked him to drink coffee together. The rest was history, Hugh became member of rich family in period of one year.

Her father did not accept Hugh so easily, so he got task to open his private business, with his help and investment. Hugh was under magnifier of whole family, so he learnt few foreign languages just to please them, he learnt to eat on fancy way and to dance and play golf. Amanda could say that she changed him , but it was not true. When she was not near him, Hugh was again in his favorite pub with drinking buddies, and easy waitress.

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Women are used to say : 

“I learnt him how to act decent. His mother did not do good job in childhood.”

“I changed him, he is not looking at other women anymore.”

“I forced him to leave his idiot friends. They had bad influence on him. “

“He is now under my control.”

All this are misleads. Men will do what they like, you only think that you are creator of their new life. They stopped with old ways because they got tired and it became useless for them. Maybe they hide their old habits and they come back in old life from time to time. This is something you can’t know.

What is indeed romantic?

 

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Stereotypes develop from childhood. Differences between genders grow through traditional values , modify with time, but skeletons stay unchanged , no matter about fashion and progress. Let me remind you, if you gave birth to boy, what will you buy him as toy? Little car, ball or plastic gun? If you gave birth to girl, what will you buy to her? Doll, pink dress or flowers? As we made labels for seats, we also labelled women and men, to see why is something suitable, and why other things are not appropriate.

Ask random man what he would buy to woman. He will say : roses , if i like her. Red roses for love, white roses for appreciation, yellow roses for honor and friendship, and orange roses as sign of passion. Well, did you ask her, do you like flowers, anyway?

Some women will melt on first sight, when they get flowers. “Oh, how nice. He is real gentleman. ” Others will say : “What i will do with this roses, when they fade? I have no nerves to change water every day, besides, i have allergy. ” Despite of all , some men will treat women on equal way, and they will think that roses are universal recipe to capture woman’s heart.

Do you want drag woman to bed? Give her roses.

Do you want to make an apology because you hurt her? Give her roses.

You want to borrow money from her? Give her roses.

You want to say goodbye to her? Give her roses.

Poor flowers suffer from so much purposes, and the most funny part is when flower is artificial or not fresh. Faded roses at desk are dead nature, as artificial rose petals. Well, that is flower, who made difference, even it doesn’t smell nice?

Now, i bet everyone of you met granny with roses. If you visit coffee bars or night clubs, you have seen this creature. Old woman who wish to sell bunch of roses, because that is tradition, that is appropriate. Which kind of woman doesn’t want roses, she must be masculine or at least not well mannered.

When granny with roses approach to you and your partner, she is ready to manipulate. Now, see next scenario in your minds.

Your partner :  “Damn, i should buy her rose.  She will think that i am idiot without feelings. “

You : “If i don’t accept, he will think that i am not a lady. “

So, granny with roses wait to get her money. For sure, she plays on feeling of guilt. She spread poisoned arrows in both ways, to make couple guilty by default. Man buy rose, and woman smile and said : “oh, thank you dear. ” Granny puts money in the pocket.

I am not afraid to say that granny is promoter of bullshit. I saw many times old lady who was disturbing and annoying by her attempts to sell roses. Maybe you wish to whisper on your partner’s ear or kiss him, and she came between you to offer you rose , without respect to your privacy. Also, buying flowers should be spontaneous act. On this way, your partner is trapped. Maybe he spent last money on drinks, and now he must buy rose?

What granny with roses offer is far away from love and respect. She is selling product. She is kind of beggar, just not without money. Also, she is challenger, to check are you and partner on the same line. If you both agree, accept this flower. Well, if you not, send her to hell.

Women are caught in the network of rivalry. I got roses, you did not get. I am pretty, you are ugly. This funny circle is made of vanity, not from love. Roses which granny offered are faded, a long time ago. It just looks like sign of attention, this is indeed moral blackmail.

If it is not on Internet, it never happened

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If it is not on Internet, this event never happened. If you travel somewhere, celebrate anniversary with husband, celebrate birthday, put your photos that whole world see this. Otherwise, your life does not exist.
I remember when i opened my sister’s diary and found something fishy, and later she got angry at me. Nowadays, when you open someone’s Facebook and find something fishy, person will get angry cause you did not press like or make comment.
I noticed that people forgot difference between secret and private.
Oh, you are married? I did not know that. It has been two years since i got married and some people at my workplace still questioning how i changed my surname. No, i did not share photos at my official e-mail, i did not bring cakes from wedding, i don’t talk about mother in law when i wait lunch at business restaurant. Simply, i think, this is my business. It is not their business, and at least it is not Internet business.
How many times i saw private talk on public statuses, husband and wife who are arguing in front of their thousand friends, photos of their children and kitchen? Once woman from Venezuela wanted to share photos of her family in tag, in my page. I said her, i have my life, and this is my website, with all respect, keep photos of your family for your close friends. I don’t want to see it. I am not jealous, envious or rude, i just have my boundaries, and i don’t need photos of your son who is playing in the mud with other children.
The best marriages and relations were made in silence. It is not kind of silence where you hide your partner. It is kind of silence where you don’t talk about your conflicts in public, where you don’t notify your friends about your private details and when you have this happy smile on your face because you put your privacy under lock.
Once i read about tennis couple , Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, who were always private couple. They were not jumping out with every photo of their kids, with every kiss and hug. Or to made porno video, as Kim Kardashian, to earn money from this.
The meaning of love is sacred. If i had conflict with my husband, this is between me and him. We will sit and talk, we will cry or scream, we will make peace. I never wanted to hear public advices as “He is not worthy of you, find better ” or “This is not good for you, i feel this. “
People are not always trustful. Many of them will celebrate your fall or they will not care. People love drama, but not because they wish to participate, they wish to have fun and gossip. If you give them gossip material, they will laugh to you under your back.
One Friday evening my neighbors had terrible fight. Woman was crying, her husband was yelling and they smashed something, i don’t know, i heard noise. When i saw that man few days later, i just said hello. I did not ask him about noise, crying or drama. It is his personal thing. As my husband said: “If he falls on our balcony,  we will call police.”
Technology progress did not give us much private space. We see other’s underwear, dirty socks, untidy rooms, unhealthy food. We see fat women who wish to be x plus models cause this is popular. We see even scenes from other’s funerals.
I always support curtains over private life. What is between two people is not show for audience. People are not paying my bills neither sleeping with me, so that is my right.

Do you tolerate different opinions?

When you have choice, you can pick what you wish because your hands are free and you are not influenced by others. You choose accord your principles and beliefs. That is very easy, because you know what is the best for you. What happens when you need to accept other choices, even you don’t like them? This question is measure of your tolerance.

Every time when we meet new person, we are introduced with her personality. That person comes with package. That means, you will not accept in your life only beautiful girl with sweet smile. You will accept her beliefs together with her. You may not like her parents, relatives or friends. Also, you will be terrified with her political beliefs. You could be an atheist, and she is religious. You have different musical taste and enjoy in pop music, and she wants to go in opera to listen Chopin or Verdi. Differences will cause conflicts, and reactions will be various.

How to represent your choices in publicity?

Don’t push your beliefs forward others, don’t try to persuade them that you are right.

Never humiliate or underestimate your friend or partner, because they think different.

Don’t create conspiracy against others because they don’t support your beliefs.

Don’t use insults and don’t play dirty. Low kicks are just proof how far you can go in manifestation of your ego.

When kids are fighting, they will cry, yell or insult each other without limits, because they are kids. First level of maturity begins with acceptance of other choices. It doesn’t mean that you must follow majority and join to the crowd, as sheep in herd. That means diplomatic skills.

What happens when you fight against wall and you wish to promote your beliefs as general rules?

You will lose affection of your friends.

You may got nickname as dictator.

People will consider you as closed minded person, primitive or egomaniac.

Sarah was leader of international department in one firm. She could not stand that her employees are getting late, so she was punishing them for every minute when they did not come at time. She did not accept any apology from them, even if some women had children and they had obligation to go in kindergarten before work. Soon they made jokes from this and ordered Swiss watch for her birthday. Sarah was furious and next step was threat in email. She said that her employees must answer on every phone call otherwise they will get smaller salary. People asked her what will happen with that missed calls during their pause for smoking and toilet. Sarah lost her power for few months because she could not handle pressure. She could not accept that other people also have right on their opinion and their choices, even they were under her position at work.

If ego stands on your way, you may lose some interesting friendships, opportunities for love and chances for good job. Your best friend is liberal? Your nephew is gay? Can you accept this with tolerance?

If you can’t accept it now, you may meet with this in future. You are conservative, but your son and daughter could be liberal. Imagine Cher, her daughter changed gender. It was not easy, but as mother she accepted her decision.

Your choices could change with time. Maybe you were rebellious in youth, and now you follow different rules. That will help you to accept other preferences, because you know advantages and failures of both sides. One thing is sure, if you accept person only because she thinks the same as you, in first conflict your friendship will break on pieces.

Our choices define us and our relations with others. If you think that only you have right all the time, discussion has no sense.

At the end, your choice is your echo. What you choose it will come to you as reflection in the mirror. Don’t act as policeman with warrant :”You have right to be silent, and if you say something, we can use it against you.”

Book and review

 

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Recently i wrote book about outsiders, cause i made group at Facebook and it inspired me to write something about this phenomenon. When i created group, i got requests of many people, and some of them thought that they will chat there cause they felt lonely. Program in their head was totally wrong, cause i had no intention to open dating site and chat service. I wanted people who think out of standards, who see beyond social conventions and who are able to make progress. So all these loners, pests and rigid people i rejected.

I don’t know how someone can get an idea that outsider is lame creature who beg for friendship, relation, attention? So i wrote a book to explain my view.

In this book i got awesome review from British author Patricia McDonald .

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By Pat McDonald
Oct 12, 2017
This is a book to make you think. I found myself pondering introspectively about my childhood and developmental years. Whilst it reinforced some of my beliefs about myself, it made me reassess others; it even made me look again at why I took the path to become a bullying activist during my working life. The author has an extraordinary insight for one so young and a rare understanding of human behaviour. Having just discovered the truth that in hardship you discover just who your friends are, to read it here hits home. I thought I had friends until two years ago and a brain tumour was discovered; it still amazes me that only one person has come back since I survived and all the others disappeared. They say the ‘Truth will set you free’ – sometimes it is hard to take! This is well worth reading. I heard today that the petition I signed to lobby Parliament for including teaching mental health in schools in the UK has just been accepted and the debate is scheduled for November 2017, one small step! Always believing myself a black sheep, and I tick so many of her boxes to confirm it, it is the why that has been challenged. You are indeed never too old to learn especially about yourself. This may have helped me sooner had I read it years ago, as it was it took me 55 years to like myself! Well done Kristina Gallo! Pat McDonald British Crime Author
Here is the book, also you can leave your review and i will be happy if you read it.
You can leave your review here: