How to stay more far from your ex partner?

 

 

The worst thing anyone can do after breakup is to involve with best friend or family member of ex partner. That looks as kind of incest and more people could be hurt.

Breakup is painful thing and people don’t see clear after broken relations, many ask for comfort on wrong place. Just is it reasonable to date with your ex boyfriend’s brother, sister, mother or best friend, people who are closely connected with your ex love?

 

Before you start something with person who is close to your ex partner, think about this:

they can gossip you and compare notes

– you will meet your ex partner more than you think

 

– you can break your present relation from the same reasons which caused your previous breakup

Rita was really hurt after relation with Edgar. He was playboy and he even slap her in publicity. After their breakup, she became close to his best friend Alan. Alan was opposite character, or she thought so. When they met Edgar on birthday party, Edgar insulted Rita in front of Alan. That time, Alan did not say a word to protect her. He was afraid of Edgar and Rita passed through disappointment again.

When two people belong to same family, as two brothers, this situation is unpleasant. They rise together, they have same habits and also there is competition. Blood is not water, and two brothers or two sisters will support each other even in situation when this is not expected. The same is with two best friends, if they cherish their friendship for a years, they will share secrets and mutual partner can be someone who stuck between two fires. When they should choose, they might support friend before than partner. 

Imagine situation, you date with pretty girl, you split and for few months you want her sister? Then she will invite you at home for Thanksgiving day? Somehow, it will not be happy family gathering. More, that reminds on Jerry Springer show, where everyone accuse other for troubles, and they use fists to justify their rights.

When you get out from unhappy relation, it is better to be as far as you can from your ex partner. 

You don’t want to wake up in bed when your partner eat breakfast with his brother who was also your boyfriend. You don’t want to share table with your ex boyfriend and your sister, and for sure you don’t want to celebrate your best’s friend birthday together with your former boyfriend.

Some connections are as chain, if one part breaks, whole chain will be ruined. If you open new door let this be more far from old door. If you burn bridge, don’t pass there anymore if is not necessary. 

I know, love doesn’t ask for reasons, but your situation will be more complicated if you decide to have something with someone who is close to your ex partner. Some other relations will be broken and you might even stay isolated. 

Life in gloves – did you use too much tact?

 

Person who is afraid of other reactions and opinions is not free. There is saying “he walks on eggs”, as metaphor for his behavior. Be careful what you say. What will people think about you? Don’t yell, don’t laugh loud, don’t cry in publicity. Pay attention how you act because people can judge you. 

It is normal that we are connected with environment where we live, and society made some rules. No, you can’t walk naked on the street unless you don’t want to be in prison or in mental hospital. You can’t hit people with bottles because you don’t like them. That is violent act. 

Insecure person will always take care of other opinions. Wear gloves in interactions with others because that is safe. Well, it is not right and also it is impossible to please everybody. 

For example, your parents are traditional people . They believe in God. What if you find girlfriend who is an atheist? How you can represent her to your family? If you are coward or conformist you will think first about yourself. Well, it doesn’t fit in so you will leave her or suggest that she can be your mistress. So this is easier way, you will hide your passion and everybody are happy. Wolf is not hungry, sheep is still alive, both sides made agreement.

If you have character and your principles, you will say clear that you love your girlfriend and that you think serious about life with her, no matter if your parents are against. You can be isolated and in some cases maybe your parents will not talk with you, but you decided to defend your choice. 

Even compromise in such situation looks like an ideal solution, this is not right. If you hide your girlfriend from publicity, she will be unhappy, she will be humiliated and soon her bad mood will forward on you. You can’t hide someone as rat in rat hole. That girl can feel as Ana Karenjina , as woman without honor. 

In generally, we can’t say that we don’t care for anybody and that only our opinion is important.

We care for people who are close to us and their support is valuable for us. Just, think about bad influence on your life if you choose to please everybody. You will have thousand friends and everybody will ask favor from you because you will not deny. Then also you must have chameleon abilities, to change accord other wishes. One day you will be tough guy, other day you are romantic and soft, depends what people are asking from you.

That gloves you wear became too tight, isn’t it? You are choking because you have no space for your needs. 


What you wish? What are your priorities? 

Listen what other people talk, but do accord your wishes and principles. Find this balance in situations which are important for you, because you are the one who will live with consequences of your acts. 

Respect – thumbs up and down


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There is a quote : respect is hard to get and easy to lose. Respect is base in all areas of life. If someone loves you, he must respect you, there is no real love without respect. If you have no respect in your friend circles, your friends are fake. Also, when you have no authority at work, it means you are disrespected.

 

Some people are born to be respected, but others must work hard to gain respect. Imagine woman with big breasts and child face in business circles. She must try hard to get respect of her cooperators. Human mind is superficial and very often people will not think of her as business lady. Stereotypes are obstacles on the way to respect, because it is hard to change what is in other’s heads. You can help yourself in this situation, to teach people what they can’t do. If you wear dirty clothes, if you swear until you are talking, your message is clear : “I don’t expect respect from you.”

Barbara was really sexy nurse and nobody get her serious. Even some doctors had habit to pinch her or comment her big decolletage. One day it was enough, and she replied properly on joke about her . When she was sitting, her boss said: “You can open legs more to see your panties. ” She replied :”In your ages i would buy bigger glasses. “

It was scandal but she earned respect as in prison, on harder way. Sometimes we must play games to earn respect. Sometimes we will be in situation to slap person who shows disrespect. 

The same is in social networks. There are so much traps where people can feel disrespected. When someone add you and ask for sex on camera, this person is bad mannered. Delete and block, because, so pity you can’t slap him or her. Unfortunately, social networks are lair of disrespectful people and they have all freedom to express this.

 

If you want that others show respect, you must have self respect. Don’t let people to make bad jokes with you, to spit on you without punishment. Some people learn on hard way, the same as donkey who need paddle to behave. There is a difference between joke and provocation and this boundaries are connected with respect. If you think you don’t deserve respect, others will feel this and you will not get what you ask for.

Start with yourself and your respect will grow day by day. One of the most important things which you need to know is how to use NO and YES. In your mind is a list what you allow, and what is forbidden. Surround yourself with people who respect you, because respect is a chain. Once when you wear invisible crown, others will know that they can’t mess with you .

All is allowed in love and war

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Jealousy is fragile weapon. Men will be jealous on your sex partners, women will be jealous on romantic feeling toward other woman.

That is an old truth. If guy writes you romantic letter your partner will smile, but if he wants to have sex with you, your partner is ready for fight. And that is normal, every male protect his ego and his right. Even romantic letter is not so harmless if this is background for something more, or trap for sex. So, when man can loose his partner, he will fight and kick ass of other man.

What to do when other woman wants to steal your partner?

Women are more complicated. In this race, woman will even pretend that they like their rivals. They will make friendship, give compliments and then make sabotage to their competition. Woman will prove why she is the right one, and why is other woman the wrong one.

Woman doesn’t fight with fist. Woman fight with sex appeal, high heels, short skirts, smell of perfume. Because, men are weak on sex appeal, and when such woman is also kind, gentle woman, she has big chance to win.

So on one side we have jealous woman who will complain, who will be desperate and on the edge of nerves because other woman wants to steal her partner. On other side is coldblooded rival in high heels. She can be secretary, neighbor, maybe even his boss. But when that cold monster decide to steal your man, watch out and don’t fight with fist. 

You need to test is your man loves you as you think he do. Focus on your man, does he miss something in your relation. Make competition invisible and unnecessary. If he talks about her, tell him “i don’t know who is she”.

You have power to talk about subjects which involve you and him together. For example :”Remember that we watched Hunger games, now is part 2 in the cinema, i have tickets”. Find things which connect you, but give him space to use his free will.

Once when when you get him, don’t pressure him, don’t let man choke in relation with you. Don’t force him to forget his friends and family, accept his baggage from the past and show him the future with you.

All is allowed in love and war, but we must be careful in the choice of weapon.

Hundred shades of woman

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Pink color is for girls, blue is for guys – that is first difference between genders which we noticed in childhood. This statement talks about women more than it seems like. It considers woman as fragile, gentle creature who will cry if you touch her and it gives man obligation to cherish her with attention.

If you are man with such draft, for sure your will consider woman as someone who likes flowers, romantic song and movies, someone who confirm your every word and clap hands when you express your attitude. You will expect that woman should be always kind, nice and with smile on her face. Also, you will not tolerate conflicts because it is not woman’s business to involve in man’s things. As in middle age, woman who was arguing should be exposed on square as bad example.

Some men have no idea about woman’s shades. Women are not black and white, bad and good. Woman is more than pretty hair, cute smile and gentle words. Woman is strong inside more than you think.

Trouble happens when macho man, so called alpha wolf try to deal with blunt woman.

Gerard used to deal with many women. Mostly, they fall on his charm and obeyed to him. He started to get bored, because they were all the same. He did not remember even their names. His strategy was the same : sweet words , flowers, chocolate, dinner with candles, walking by the sea in his city and hot night in hotel. After that, Gerard kept contact with them , but not because he cared, just because to call them again when it will be their turn. He picked women from the same basket. They were about 10-15 years older than he, mostly lonely, divorced or hungry for love.

Then he met Alicia. She was blunt woman, tired of bad experiences but full of life. It was something at her what captured his heart immediately, her strong will and defiance. Even when she slept with him, she did not want to obey. She did all opposite to his wishes, because she heard about his reputation. She left his city without notify him and later send him message that they don’t match together. She saw his cell phone full of naked videos and she decided, not to be part of this. Gerard felt he fall in love first time in his life, and all he could do to wait her to change her mind. Alicia asked for serious relation, and Gerard had dilemma, to say goodbye to her or to his previous life. Meanwhile, one of his mistresses, Helga, called him to arrange meeting. She said, i am in your city and i am coming for half hour. Gerard promised to himself, it will be last time and then i will call Alicia to come back to me. Gerard entered into hotel’s coffee bar to drink coffee with Helga.  Suddenly he felt that someone is watching him. Near this table, woman with black shades smiled to him. It was Alicia, who came back to give him another chance. When she saw Helga, she approached to their table and said : “Enjoy in this coffee, even i think it gets cold already. ” Gerard never saw Alicia again.

To get back on the start of this story, different women need different approach. Some women will be pleased even for crumbs of man’s attention. Other women will never accept to stand in the line and share man with other women. So, we are different. Some of us will more appreciate invitation of football match than rose petals. Some of us will accept to sleep on the floor with right man better than to spend night in expensive hotel . If you are man, and if you use wrong approach for woman you like, think about where you went wrong.

If you love woman, you should start from her nature, not from generalization, that girls are pink, and boys are blue. Some of us are black, violet and red, and you should have guts to stand near our fire.

Treason and paycheck

Face it with treason is hard kick in the ass. That moment when you realize that trustful person is traitor, someone in your life with whom you share trust, confidence and give part of yourself is indeed mole, discovery of treason is great shock. That Caesar and Brut story can’t leave us calm. 

What is treason indeed and who are traitors? 

Indeed, traitor is selfish person. When someone is a snitch, spy or rat, that person is selfish. It is opposite of loyalty, because when you are loyal you are thinking about your friend, you don’t want to hurt him or her, you are careful and you have balance. But indeed treason is kind of weakness, and traitor is person with a price. Now you must only find out how much that person costs.

The worst kind of treason is in the area of friendship and love. This is a story about Alice and Victoria. They were inseparable. Two different girls, as two sides of the same mirror. Alice was shy and calm, and Victoria was hot tempered and hasty, but they completed each other. Alice had ability to make Victoria calm, and Victoria taught Alice how to fight for her aims. Until the day when Alice met womanizer Peter, it was great friendship. Peter was notorious guy , he had suspicious job and many women around. At first he wanted to seduce Victoria, but she rejected him. From that day Peter was thinking only how to revenge. He seduced Alice, she was sweet and kind and ideal for role of his wife. During marriage Peter used all possible ways to separate Alice from Victoria. All attempt failed because Alice was devoted to her friend. One day Peter said that he will take vacation from his busy work so Alice and him will travel together in some foreign country. Their marriage stuck in crises and Alice was crucified, because she always wanted to see Egypt, and now she had big chance. There was only one condition – to break her friendship with Victoria forever. After long thinking, Alice has decided. She was silent as always, she just gone with her husband on trip without notified Victoria about that. She left her short message on her door “sorry, i love him and that is impossible to have you and him, so i decided to stay with my husband.” Victoria was shocked but she could not do anything. She was waiting, because she knew that it is not over yet. After journey, Peter asked for divorce, because their marriage failed. Not because of Victoria, it was because of his wish to control everything. Alice wanted to make peace with Victoria after that, but Victoria refused her. She never forgot her best friend’s treason , because she knew that she would do it again, as her loyalty never existed.

Life will give us situations when is time to choose. 

It is hard to stand between two fires. For example, boss offers promotion to you, but condition is to break connection with your cooperator, to move in another city even this will separate you from your family. Traitor is person who will sacrifice others for own sake. It is just a mask that traitor doing something for community. Neither Mata Hari, double spy, did not do anything for the sake of community. 

Traitor try to sit on two chairs without fall on the floor. 

So, if someone wants to hurt you over your friends, find out who is the weak spot in your team. Who is the rat? This is point in business world, steal ideas or people from rival company , but first find weak spot. Find a traitor who will fast change sides.

Business justice with two ends

Obligations and rights are connected. If you are obligated to do something, you have right to ask other things for return. Especially at work, workers have rights and obligations. 

In generally, we are humans. If you work at office, you are educated and you deserve appropriate treatment.

Your supervisor, headmaster, boss is not a king neither dictator. 

Some bosses have this kind of requests.

 

Knock at my door before you enter.

Check what i wrote to you, because i have no time to read what i wrote, read between lines.

All important places on documents should be marked with post it papers, in different colors. I have no time to read complete document.

Bring me coffee in the morning.

Can you take my bag when you are going on business meeting with me?

Help me with computer, i am new in this technology age, and some things i don’t know. But i am boss so why should i know?

I am always right, because this is hierarchy.

So let suppose that we please all this wishes. Now we need something for return. 

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What we will get?

 

If you complain on your boss, go to higher boss. Higher boss will talk with your supervisor, and circle is closing. Of course, try to work harder and you will not have reason to complain.

If you are working on the same document or project six months, and your boss doesn’t want to accept your idea, that work will never be finished. You must copy paste what your boss said.

You have problematic client? Try to be calm and reply to him or her, million times if that is necessary. Even your client is ready for mental hospital, you must have abilities of shrink to guess his wishes.

Some bosses forgot that we live in the age of democracy. We are not slaves. We know that nobody can’t cut our heads. Also we have brain and ideas. Just because someone is on high position, it doesn’t mean that person is the smartest and genius. It has different meaning. Boss can be person who built career on fake kindness. Right words on right time and right place and here we are. I know person who was always late at work, he had alcoholic problems. But when structure of firm changed, he was the first one who run from office to office to ask for his rights. He was orphan and victim. New people on the top trusted him so he got position as boss of the department.

If we are making mistakes we can’t judge others for the same just because our position is better. If responsibility exist, it must be justified no matter who did wrong. We can’t punish people accord positions, so person on high level will get smaller punishment. There should not be saint cows.

Every obligation has background. Besides, how we will motivate our workers, if their salaries are small, if we don’t give them enough free days and if they must work sick or under pressure?

Underestimated person is as donkey. You can beat him, but he will still stand on one place.

Real men do (not) make it public

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I always think about making love as private thing, because this distinguish people from animals. Simply thought that someone can watch me or hear me gives me unpleasant feeling. Once i was with my husband in car and we saw face on the window, i was thinking that i will freeze from fear. Guy started to runaway before we called police. That was kind of adrenaline but in wrong sense, because i got instinct to smash guy’s head with hammer.

Before a year ago me and husband move on new flat. New neighbors, new habits and new adjustment. This is rather quiet building and i rarely meet anyone except in elevator. After some time, we heard couple who live upstairs. It was female voice, moaning during they made love. It was repeating several times at months and last time i heard it yesterday. I did not sleep well cause i got up early for work and sound of her voice is still in my ears. It sounded as wounded pig. If you ask me am i jealous? No, i don’t have reason. I was horny? Not a chance, it chilled me out on zero degrees.

I was just surprised for several reasons.

Woman has no shame, because everyone can hear her.

She lives in flat with husband, son and father in law. I wonder do they have deal as in Jerry’s Springer show.

Woman obviously don’t care about privacy, because that is show for everyone now.

Her husband is primitive or hungry for attention. 

I know some men would say : “Wow, i am fucker number one, let everyone see how i do this. ” Some women would say : “That is real man , and i am proud what i have at home.” For me, all this is primitive. I know, in February time, i heard cats and their moaning, and i have much laughs, because that are animals. Cats don’t know about shame, honor, disgrace. They are cute cats and we will accept this as animal instinct.

Well, people are reasonable creatures, with ratio, shame, honor, grace. Everyone who cares about good reputation will keep their intimacy private. What is more sexy than intimacy between 4 walls, where nobody can hear you except your sexy partner? I don’t have desires to be exposed as in porno movie, i don’t want that neighbors laugh to me or gossip me because of my screams, and i am person who can control myself. What i do, how i do, is my personal thing.

I know that couple, she represents herself as kind woman who never has conflicts , and he is kind of hooligan in midlife crises. So, what i suppose to tell them? They are kind of people who are not for big discussion. They are savage peasants. I cover my ears and make music loud if is afternoon, but if there is over midnight hour, i can just hope that they will finish quick with their show.

Somehow i feel pity of them. They are stashed in small flat, 5 of them, with small salaries on manual work , so this sex exercise is all what they have. This shows indeed failure in life : if you don’t have place to fuck and everyone can hear you, you screw yourself at first.

I am not judgmental, far from that , but i despise if someone want to put something inappropriate as moral standards in general. As i heard in similar situations, let people enjoy . Freedom is limited where other’s freedom starts. Others also wish to enjoy in silence.

 

Cupid’s attack

Cupid picks his victims randomly. You don’t know to whom you will fall in love, and suddenly his arrow hits you in the middle of heart. Do you think that person will be handsome, smart and rich guy? Do you think he will love you back? No, that is not guarantee. He can be average or even ugly. He is maybe poor and nasty. If he doesn’t love you back, you can’t blame him either.

We are responsible for our choices, but how to explain this to your heart? Some of us will never recover from unhappy love story. Before 11 years, Croatian actress Edita Majić made decision to become a nun. She settles down in Spanish monastery, as  nun with high level of discipline. She had problems with drugs and her love story had bad end. Now she says, she is very happy.

What can happen after your sad love story?

You wish to escape from this world. Some will make suicide.

You wish that you never see person who broke your heart again.

You will stop to believe in love and maybe this is root of promiscuous life in future.

You start to hate opposite gender. Maybe you wish to be gay or lesbian.

We can fall in love so many times. Sparks are eternal, so physical attraction is possible with many persons. When we talk about love , story is different. If you loved someone deeply, it will be hard to replace this person. In any way, if you love more times, this story will never be the same. Beloved person will leave track in your soul and if you start to compare your present partner with your lost love, problems are already here.

What if you never had courage to admit your love? Maybe you felt that is impossible or that you are less worthy. Maybe your soulmate is far away, taken or you can’t fit her into your reality. In this case, why don’t to swim in ruthless sea of love? Even you are aware of negative result, you can be richer for one experience.

Owen fall in love in Helen, but she was ten years older than he. She accepted his offer for relation, but he could not bear burden of his prejudices. Whatever wrong happened, he blamed her. She get out of this with scarves. He was also suffering, but not for the same reasons. He was victim of own insecurities, complexes and immature attitude.

Some people act as they will marry every person which they meet. That is not the point of love. Sometimes, we just enjoy without plans. We are here to learn , to have background for sweet memories. We can’t blame someone who gave us beautiful lesson about love. Maybe that partner was not suitable, but heart has own standards. 

The worst you can do is to talk bad about previous relation and about person who loved you. It is like you hit diamond through your window, into garbage. 

This is how your ex should talk about you and you about him, if you did not hurt each other too much:

” I am happy i spent wonderful time with such special person. Even we are not together anymore, i wish you all the best in your life.”

Personal sabotage – 5 ways how we stop our own progress

 

Go forward, move on and don’t look back are words of courage. It looks so easy when you say it, but actions are something different. If you wish to get out from theory and make practical solutions, in your sleeve should be more than empty promises to yourself.

You could be the one of people who are frozen in one place. This kind of person wish to change life, but she can’t because something hold her back. It is not spell , this is just own attitude and some wrong perceptions about future.

This 5 obstacles are elements of personal sabotage:

You have low self confidence. 

If you don’t believe in yourself, how will others believe in you? For sure your basic words are I can’t or I am not able too.

You are surrounded with wrong people.

Believe it or not, if your friends don’t support your progress, if your parents or partner don’t believe in you, they are also cooperators in your self-sabotage. For example, you wish to lose weight. If they buy you chocolate and hamburgers, they are food donors.

Fear controls your life.

You are afraid of unknown areas, unknown people and hard situations? No wonder that you are still on the same place.

You play on safe cards, and risk is equal to death in your mind.

If you never take risk, if you must be sure 100% in everything what you do , your life is maybe spared of troubles but always the same.

You don’t want to get out from the past, because memories hold you back.

Nostalgia is dangerous element, because you think that it was better before, in the past. The truth is, you stuck in memories because you are not able to move on and open new door.

For sure you have friend, relatives or partner who will cry over own problems, but when you tell them advice, they will not listen or they will continue to complain because they made community with their pain. Unbelievable, but some people made agreement with their personal pain and they live in a way to cherish even bad memories, instead to move on further.

Imagine woman who get out from marriage where husband beaten her. Her face is still injured, but she will cry for her past times. Now she is alone, without man who will help her to pay bills or to fix some things in house, because she can’t do it by herself. She would jump on every his sign to rebuild this marriage. Cuts are painful part , but if you don’t take scissors, you will die slowly. 

Many factors will try to stop your progress, high forces, bad circumstances or wrong moment, but you should not do it this to yourself. Once when wind is behind your back, use this situation to walk faster.