I defined my path, i know what i wish

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I wish this so badly. Did you ever think like that? I did. Million times i convinced myself, when i burn from desire for something, or even someone, it won’t happen. Why? Because i block circle for realization. I am hot temper and i wish many things quick, fast, right now. In this rush i forget that i do mistakes which cost me.

Then i tried another way. I slept over my wish, i forgot this. I focused on other things. So, while i am washing dishes, reading, or listening music, i don’t think on my aim. I don’t think at all, because i wish to live in present moment. I mean, how many times you experienced this? When you walk on the street and you slip on straight road and fall, because you were thinking on future, or your eyes saw vision of your plan. Are we blind, or sleepwalkers, while we are living our present life? My mother asked me once: “Did you ever listen to me, or you are sleeping with open eyes? Are you here?”

I could be angry on injustice cause someone else got something what i wanted. Well, maybe that person was more calm. Maybe she did not expected, or she just waited her five minutes. Maybe she even did not care.

Unfilled wishes are causers of jealousy and envy. I want something what she owe, or i want something what is even forbidden to me.

That is how i can explain why persons i never wanted in my life followed me or try to get close with me. They felt my energy, that i don’t care, but also i felt an opposite feeling, that i aware of them, i dislike them. That is also emotion, while you try to get rid of someone, he will follow you as shadow.

I made break. I let go something what wasn’t work. I am ready even to give up from my dream, which stuck somewhere, because of unknown reasons. I am not loser in this case, i just ask right path for my vision. This path is not inspired by force. Somehow, i think, there must be way for me to get what i wish. This path is inspired by observing, following, searching.

Also i cut all who had bad influence on me. Doubters, mockers, negative people. Their logic was, if i can’t do it, for sure you can’t too.

Sometimes i am alone in my attitude, but that gives me oxygen and space for breathing. Now i see my dream, maybe not more close, but more clear. I can give my definition of success, what i indeed want, what kind of success is right for me. This is my illumination, my revelation, my message.

Two faced friendship

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Perfect idea about  friendship is big circle where are all people connected together. They hold their hands and dance around the world. That is far from truth and reality.

If you say that you pick your friends and that you are not friend of everybody, people will consider you as pretentious, cocky or even rude person. Someone wants to be your friend, you reject him and that person will be hurt.

Real friendship is just this, elimination of fake intentions. See this situation.

Anita was new girl in neighborhood. She wanted to fit in but she did not know how. Soon, Petra saw her chance to include this girl in her circle. Petra was kind of leader, rich girl who organised every party and it was matter of popularity if you are invited in her house. Her friendship had price, so first she was nice and kind, she lend clothes to her girls, she helped them to find guys for dating and everybody thought about her as perfect friend. Petra wanted something to return. She invited Anita, but for few days she asked her gold necklace. She would wear this on birthday, because it would suit on her dress perfectly. Anita denied this because it was gift from her granny . From that day, Petra eliminate her. She did everything to avoid her, and to break every contact in her neighborhood. The main aim was, isolate Anita from society.



What is hypocrisy in friendship? 


Things you never should do:

buy friends with expensive gifts or money

– give them terms to borrow you things, if they deny, they are your enemies

– consider people as best friends on the first sight, even you don’t know them

– make them as slaves or tools in your plans 

– manipulate  or blackmail them if they don’t act accord your wishes

So, people could say that Petra was friend of everybody, so generous, sweet and ready to help. She did it with purpose. She was using friends and later she would gossip them under their back. Anita was honest, she did not want to accept everyone as friend, but her intentions were pure. 

Problem with hypocrisy exists because some people are superficial. They will rather accept sweet words even that is not real and from the heart, than to accept honesty or truth. Person who refuses your friendship’s offer will be nasty, and others who accept you, even they have hidden purpose, will be labelled as good ones.

Which are wrong reasons to make friendships:

because your friend is rich

– he or she has parents with powerful influence in business circles

– that girl knows all handsome guys

– that guy has fast car and he can drive you everywhere

– she is friend with guy you love, she can help you to catch him

– he is popular and everybody like him

Smart person will see transparent intentions and it will be exposed.

Why you want to be friend with me? Who sent you? Who talked about me? Give me one good reason. The same things happen in social networks. Someone sent you request, ask you for hangout and you are best friends? It doesn’t work like that. Personal questions about your privacy are also not welcomed on first sight. You are not in police station that you should answer how old are you, are you married or other delicate things.

Friendship is seed which can grow in beautiful flower if you treat this properly. Or it can fade from the start.

Guy from distance

 

Curiosity is in human nature. If you see closed box you will try to open it, to find out what is in it. Hidden treasure or bunch of trash? Never mind, but still you want to open it because your fantasy is poking you inside.

The same is about mysterious men. Women will often fall in men mystery. He looks like he hold secret inside, his heart is closed and his distance is so sexy. He is unavailable and this is key of his attraction.

Paul was walking mystery. He was not model, he was too skinny guy with chicken chests and also he was not tall, but women were crazy for him. His sensual lips and green eyes were magnet for women. He had more success in flirting than guys who were more handsome than he was. Also he was not gentle and good man, he was rude, sarcastic and sometimes vulgar. Women were fighting for him, because they saw someone who need love and care. Every woman thought she is the right one , that she hold the key to open this treasure box.

How to approach to Paul and how to keep him? He was jumping from one relation to another. If you are nice with him he will break your heart. If you are rude he will also break your heart. He had friend Betsy . She was observer and she was there to wipe his rage after every broken relation. It was not easy task because part of his frustration were always on her back. He blamed her that she ruined some of his love affairs. In fact he ruined this because he was making love with Betsy after every love failure.

He did not speak with her one month, because Betsy was serious obstacle for another women. She was his shadow, in every corner of his life. At least when he thought that he got rid of her, she was again there, with her devil smile. She was rude, sarcastic and very persistent woman. After he started new relation, Betsy was silent, she waited her time. She knew Paul will not be angry on her for a long time. She called him with excuse and invited him on her birthday party. How he could deny her? The rest was history, they were again in bed and Paul realized why he broke so many hearts around. Betsy opened that box a long time ago, but he was not aware of this. 

Guys will ask why don’t they have success with women even they are nice, kind, gentle, even they have good salary or fast car. 


Even they are handsome, cute, sexy and kind with women. Women are not so fragile and soft as they seems so. We love mysteries, challenges, and we are rivalry. Woman like to beat another woman in the game. You want this guy, but i will have him. I will beat you in this game. He will be mine. 

When guy is single a long time, he will stay single because somehow it looks desperate. 


Women will think :”Oh, why should i start with this loser, when nobody else was not there?” Say to woman that you are virgin, you will see reaction. There is no fascination with men kindness and innocence as with men rudeness or distance.

Why you involve with this guy when he is married? Why you want to flirt with guy who love another woman? That will be questions, and answers are in woman nature. We think, that we can change someone accord our wishes. I will be the last woman in his bed. He will marry me.

When guy want to capture women heart, he will play role of hard to get if he is wise. 


Don’t give her everything on the first sight. You must be challenge, and she will catch you. 

As much men are hunters, women also like to play this game. Remember this secret box from the start of his story. What is inside? Maybe is shit inside, but still you want to open this, because that is locked.

Is your soulmate your ideal partner?

 

As beginners in romantic relations, we first make fantasies about our ideal partners. What’s turn you on? Do you think everything will be perfect if you get guy from your imagination? What’s  turn you off? Will you be miserable if you get husband from turn off list?

Jane never liked men with fat belly and hairy men. That was sign that man is too old and untidy. She was dating with guys from gym but all broke her heart. She was easy target for them, horny and fast to jump in bed with muscles. Well, when Jane met Albert, she was down after breakup. Albert, man with fat belly and hairy face, worked in the same office with her, as new workmate. He was everything she did not wanted, but he had great sense for humor. Also he was gentleman, educated and patient. He gave her feeling of dignity back. At the end, she got married for turn off guy.

Question: if guy is turn on, do you easier fall on him? Will you let him to make love with you on first sight, because he is adorable?

Another question: if guy is turn off, will you give him chance even to talk with you? Or you will say no immediately’?

I think that our husbands are mix of turn on and turn off situation. He is the best from both options. I love men with beard, and my husband looks great with beard. I love aggressive men, and my husband is assertive person. So this turn off was in the fact my lesson. Aggressive guys, my turn on’s were aggressive not just with others, they did the same with me. I was impressed with their approach, sense to control me and sexual energy, but i was not impressed with humiliation, insults and underestimation. The most, i was not impressed to share aggressive man with other women , who are horny from desires. I wanted vodka with ice, not vodka with whiskey. So i found ice to make my vodka more suitable for drink.



The most often turn on’s in women fantasy:

Sex with stranger.

Marriage with rich man.

Relation with the most handsome guy in school

Relation with footballer. 

Relation with hero who save her dignity.

If you think that similarities will save your relation, you are wrong. It depends in which way you are similar souls. If you have mutual plan to travel around the world, you are soulmates, but if your similarities is based on both, stubborn characters, you will not go too far. Two stubborn partners will hardly make compromise. One must say to other : “you have right this time. “

The most often turn offs in women reality:

Fat or chubby guys.

Guy who stinks.

Poor guy without job.

Ugly guy. 

Old virgin. Man from 40 years, as virgin is not desirable.

Man who lives whole life with his mother.

As much we have fantasies, we also have fears. As one my friend says : “I am afraid that i will get marry for bold, fat man who can’t make love with me anymore. ” In every period of life, woman has fears and dreams. When you get marry, you will count results of your fears and dreams. Is your husband nightmare or prince from dreams?

Trust me, i am the right one

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How much we can trust to others? I would say : open your heart, but keep your mind ready in the case of trouble. As much some people wish to believe that good acts will be rewarded human nature is not so genuine. We need to make line between confidence and naivete.

If you are weirdo , your access will be denied for everyone. The world is full of snakes and it is better to be alone.

You will imagine reasons why not to let approach in your life. 

Typical example is insecure person. When someone wanted to ask Margot for a date, she was thinking only the worst. Ray invited her, and dark could over her head was full of monsters and threats. He wants to use me or he wants to make fool of me. I will be mocked and subject of laugh. No, i don’t want to go on this date. 

Next example is paranoid person. She burnt by bad experiences, and instead to think positive, because all bad already happened, she closed her door. Once i met a girl who was so distrustful that i gave up on her, it was wasting of my time. She said : “Everyone i met made fool of me, i write poetry and i did not want to show my poems to others because they would laugh. I feel lame, and probably i am. ” It was hard task to bring back her trust, and why should i bother? As much we want to save someone, sometimes role of savior is ungrateful because you can get knife in back even you are innocent.

Stubborn people feel so good in their skin that they don’t want to give their hands, unless this is useful for them. They will watch people and give them chance if they wish. Their trust is not broken, they just decided not to trust because that is not suitable for them. Sybill had attitude about rich people. Accord her, rich people are assholes. So when Iris wanted to make friendship with her, she denied because of her principles. Rich bitch with expensive purse and fancy car will not be her friend. Simply, she despised everyone from that circle.

Trust is precious gift and powerful weapon. 


Once when you decide to give trust, you are bonded to that person. If she will not justify this, you are responsible for your choice. You will pay for consequences and possible damage. Also, if someone breaks your trust once, second chance is very expensive. You open another opportunity to distrust. 

What kind of people are worthy of trust? Here we can make golden rule : It is not gold all what is shining. 

Where are possible traps?

Too kind people. Just because someone use sweet words, it is not proof of trust.

Friend of everybody. This person can sit on more chairs .

People who ask favors from you on the first sight. Why to bother someone immediately you met him? Trust must be deserved.

When rumors talk about distrustful person. Where is a smoke, there is a fire. Check it.

When person repeats all the time – you can trust me. He is ready to beg on his knees. Something stinks here.

Sometimes, you will feel unpleasant if you reject someone. He smiles to you and gives you hand, so you feel guilt. That is weak spot, because person with bad intention will press your guilty button. You can decide will you trust or not. Maybe your choice will be unexpected, and you will choose your guardian of trust accord your intuition. You will not trust to recommended person, because your six sense choose different.

Whatever you choose, responsibility is yours. When you give trust, you take a risk. You will not regret or you will learn a lesson. 

Big boss – 6 kind of authorities

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It is not easy to be an authority. You must give example to others, you have big responsibility and others will blame you if something is going wrong. Like it or not, someone can consider you as bad person and probably people will hate you.

Many jobs have system that someone is a boss, and others are subordinated. It is like a pyramid, one is on the top, others are under him, and position under boss are lower and lower. 

There are many kind of bosses.

panic boss hysterical person who cannot handle crises on good way, especially if boss is woman, influence on other workers is negative

 

egomaniac – he or she is always alright, smart ass, it is hard to convince that person on opposite

clown – nobody gets this person serious, he has no authority , he jokes with coworkers and his coffee break is not defined

dictator – if you don’t listen to his orders, you can be fired very soon, because he knows the best

copy paste boss – he steals other ideas and represent this as his work

merciful – he forgives all mistakes to his workers, he will give you many chances but his results are not good because his authority fails



If you are leader, you must know about human psychology

You can ‘t be too hard but also it is not good to be soft because everybody will consider you as fool. 

Also you must have on your mind that your workers are not idiots and you can’t underestimate them because their position is lower than yours. 

Your colleagues are also educated people and if you try to change their grammar or behavior you will be ridiculous. Focus on important subject, don’t preach. 

You must work accord rules, but don’t be such big formalist. Sometimes is important to read between lines. 



Threats are not good and if you try to cause fear at your workplace you will cause a mess. Besides, coworkers could report you for mobbing. Method of carrot and paddle works the best, you can give awards for successful ideas and punishment for lack of discipline, in the way that you can separate bad and good workers.



Some bosses must be reminded that they are not kings. What you sow, you will reap, so make a good harvest. Otherwise, one day your subordinates might be your boss, and you will feel all negativity at your skin.

Time for dirty laundry

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Gossips are part of our life and we can’t avoid it. Wherever you go, you will meet with updating stories about other people, who are not present in this moment. You can drink coffee with your friend or make new haircut at hairdresser , and like it or not, you will find out new things from other’s privacy.

Kathy want to dye hair in blonde, and her hairdresser can’t stop talking.

– Is it true that Angelina Jolie has only 42 kilograms? Oh, speaking about skinny people, do you know what happened with Trish? Guy dumped her because of younger woman, and with bigger breasts.

Gossip trade is way to kill boredom. Today is rainy day, i can’t go out so let’s gossip. Celebrities are on the line, and after this our neighbors, boss, parents, husbands. 

There are various kind of gossips. 

Gossips about new colleagues at work. – everyone wants to know info about new people, who are they, from where they are coming and what are their abilities. It is kind of strategy “know your enemy”, so make a good sources to beat possible competition.

Gossips about new wife or new husband of our former partners. sometimes ex partners will compare themselves with their replacements. That new wife is uneducated. New husband is an idiot. I knew, good that i broke that relation. I left this moron at time.

Gossips about neighbors. For sure you want to share impressions about woman from third floor who always put garbage bag in front of her door so it stinks. Or about this noisy young man who is playing electric guitar in the middle of the night. How they dare and who will stop them to make such mess?

Gossips about celebrities. Everyone wants to know news about celebrity people, even not so famous, maybe you want to know something about local star, how that demo band had success or did your niece went to compete in local selection of most beautiful teenagers.

Gossips about our family. Yes, it doesn’t sound nice, but sometimes we want to complain to other people about our husband, wife, sister, mother. Wow, my sister is so selfish. She took my dress and not even asked me. My husband is so untidy. My mother, when she will stop to call me every day?

On first sight, gossips are harmless. 


How much truth is in some gossip? Do you trust to rumors? How does it happen anyway? One story make way from one ear to another, with few additions. So Steve came tonight with black eye. Someone hit him with fist. No, he cheated his wife, she slapped him. I heard he had debts, so it must be work of local gang. If you start to kick every person who spread lies about you, you will need much time. Smile and go forward. Keep your head up. Really no big deal if someone thinks that you have plastic boobs or that you got job over connections with your rich relatives. Let other’s prove if they can.

We can admit that other problems are way to forget our own problems.


I did not pass this exam, but look at my cousin, she left school. Now she is waitress and she gave up from college. Twilight zone for others can be dawn time for us. Can we feel more powerful to make other’s miserable? Clean under your door before you spread info about others. For example, Sandra cheated her husband but it did not stopped her to judge other women who did the same. 

Things become serious if gossips harm your honor or reputation. 


That is criminal act of slander. Be careful to whom are you talking if you know something dangerous. Be careful where are you talking and is it true. You can’t talk about someone that is criminal before you can prove this with verdict. If that delicate information is true, you will not be punished. But if you are talking lies , you can go to the court and pay certain amount of money for this, or spend some time in prison. Newspaper are full of denials and public apologies. Sources are not always confidential neither stable.

When it comes time to wash dirty laundry, protect your hands.

Sexual harassment at workplace

 

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Your workplace should be safe zone, covered with respect and dignity. It doesn’t matter are you cleaner, waiter, lawyer or manager, basic human values should be untouchable. In the case when your honor is damaged, and when your respect is under question mark, you are victim of mobbing. One of the worst form of mobbing is sexual harassment. When your boss or colleagues try to humiliate you as sexual object, your worth is in danger and it is time to press red alarm button.

In Croatia, 50% women are abused at work. Every fifth woman will report this , and 30% will be silent. Last year ombudsman had 420 accusations which content was sexual harassment at work. 

What you can do in this case? 

1. report sexual harassment in your firm, so you will be in procedure of intermediation

2. if it doesn’t work, you can go to court, with accusation, and if your abuser is your boss, you can  go to court immediately

3. also, you can report abuse to some association, to protect your rights and get legal advice

In Croatian Labor law are rules about protection of worker’s dignity and honor. Also, Law on prevention of discrimination has rules how to protect gender rights, because abusing women at work is also attack on their basic human rights and humiliation of female gender.

At first sight, all is clear, but abusers at work are not stupid and they know to cover their intentions. 

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They will have next arguments:

I am just joking.

This woman tried to seduce me with her short skirt or decolletage, she has too strong makeup and looks like whore.

That woman is lazy, she doesn’t do nothing.

She understood me wrong, i am not such kind of man.

Why women are sustained to report abusers at work?

Financial reasons, they are afraid not to lose job.

They are afraid of revenge, if they lose job, they will get bad recommendations.

Fear, that abuser can hurt them physically, or that their husbands will not understand.

Slow procedures at court, and too soft punishments.

Accord Criminal law in Croatia, abuser at work will get money penalty or prison for a 2 years and this kind of accusation must be private. That is in theory, and in practice many violent employees will avoid punishment because their victims will give up or they will afraid to report them.

How does it look like, and what should be sexual harassment at work, we can see from this example.

Branka works in civil service as secretary. Her computer is very slow and she invited guy from IT service to fix it and upload some antivirus programs. Saša, official man from IT service, few times invited Branka to drink coffee with him, but she is married and she rejected him. Saša said to her that they should meet after work, and she said no again. Then Saša start to massage her shoulders, because she was tense, as he noticed, and she pushed him. Next days Branka had crumbles on her skirt, because she ate sandwich. Saša touched her between legs to clean crumbles from bread, and she slapped him. He slapped her and she reported him to Union. Also he used dirty words as whore, slut and bitch , to describe Branka. She had many troubles to prove his bad behavior, but woman at Union supported her and they are still in process. Meanwhile, Saša is not working there anymore, because he was reported by one more woman , as sexual abuser.

Everything has time and place. 


We can flirt in cafe bar, pub or club, we can joke even at work, but when behavior cross limits of decency, this is step into dark zone. Women at work are not prostitutes and if they don’t accept that you touch them and talk dirty with them, you should respect this, no matter how they look, what they wear and if they excite you, as man. 

Men has two choices: you will respect your pretty colleague or you will act as total moron and risk to be reported and even you can get kick out from your comfortable workplace. So next time you will not be confused is this office or striptease bar.

6 steps for women – how to eliminate rivals?

 

Cupid is indeed not fair person. His arrows hit more targets and when center is just one, love battle is necessary. Every woman wants to feel as only one, but what the if man is one, and women are few? Women are gentle, fragile and noble creatures, but when it comes time to fight for their man, they will throw gloves. 

There is no woman who like rivals. Even in the age of harem, there was first kaduna. It was name for woman who was the main sultan’s mistress. Even sultan had many women to use them with deadline, everyone wanted to be the first. The most clever and with the strongest nerves were winners. Rokselana took victory over previous sultan mistress Gulbahar. They had fight , and Gulbahar scratched Rokselana’s face, but it was Pir victory. Rokselana denied to make love with sultan with excuse that she looks ugly, so sultan threw Gulbahar from harem. That harem had 300 women, but they were not equal. Mostly they were humiliated by working dirty jobs as washing floors, and only few got benefits. Between them , Rokselana took title of first kaduna.

History shown us that women are labelled. Today, there is no harem, but undecided men are still here. Some men have big ego and just one woman will not be enough to keep their attention. They will ask more and more challenge, until they pick what is the best for them. 

Women will often ask: “How to get rid of that bitch?” Really, your rivals could be anyone. She can be even your cousin. She is maybe your colleague. Maybe neighbor. Or maybe your best friend. Everything is possible, if Cupid did bad , clumsy work.

If you want to take a first place, and if you fall in love in guy who did not decide yet, take this steps.

Make a friendship with your rival.

Yes, keep enemy closer. Find out what is her weakness. Then, in right time, shot in this Ahil target.

Follow the guy.

I had friend who lost her fiance by her best friend. She was following him in every caffe bar where he entered. She would look at him and send him kisses. His new girlfriend got mad and slapped her. That guy broke up with new girl and chose my friend, to came back to her.

Be a victim, but with style.

Don’t yell on him. Say to him that you are sad, and that you feel sorry. That is maybe not true, but his ego wants to hear this.

Be sexy and smile.

Walk in the way that he notices you. Smile and make a good joke. Let he feels comfortable when you are here. Be near him if he needs help.

If he accuse you for sabotage his relation, deny.

You have no idea about his girlfriend. She doesn’t exist. 

Make a friendship with his male friends.

Male friends will be your backup. They will show him that you are good for him. They are your voters. 

Now, when you know all this, don’t lose nerves and don’t slap your rival. You can hit her, but not with fist. Remember, Rokselana fought on the floor, and she managed to catch her man.

When patience is lost

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Someone who waited for a long time said that patience is a virtue. I would not agree with this, cause some things need rush otherwise it will never happen. Imagine sick woman who needs emergency, and people advice her : “Be patient. ” Imagine person who wait for a job few years, and the only advice he got is “Wait and it will be worthy. “

Sometimes, patience is deception. This is an excuse, delusional answer on question :”Will you get it? Will you make success?” What i think, once in life we must press red button. This means, hurry up, push it forward, even it looks like you are in panic. You would be surprised how people react when you said that you lost patience.

Amber, familiar as patient woman was waiting for a promotion at work few years. She was in line, her colleagues were promoted, but somehow she was in background. This award skipped her, and she was watching this, with silence . She swallowed bitter pills, until the day when her boss promised her , you are next. Amber said with big sigh: “Oh, my time came. ” Day after, boss called her to meet new colleague, Patricia. “This is your new cooperator, indeed your new boss, Patricia. She will take your place in project. I was thinking a long time, and i need fresh blood. ” Amber was red in a face, she started to yell at boss and said her all in face. All these years of struggling , all this mobbing and bitching, and Amber got kick in the ass. Lucky, she had cool colleague, Steven. He whispered in her ear: “I will write you appeal, and send it into higher instance. There is commission, they will know what to do with your boss. She afraid of two things, press and commission for appeals. ”  So, after boss found out for appeal, she was shocked. What, it came from quiet, almost incapable Amber? She invited her to negotiate. Amber was very tense, but also firm. She said: “I have no more patience. You will promote me or i send appeal. I don’t care. I have nothing to lose. ” A week later, boss found solution : Amber will be transferred into new department, on higher place. She will get better position. Nobody wanted scandal, so Amber accepted this offer.

What is indeed patience? Waiting on your turn? Be quiet for a years, never ask woman you love would she like to date with you? Never complain about your salary? Patience is worthy when you have something specific to wait for. If you have date of wedding. If you work voluntary and you know when you will get money. Patience is intro, but the main story develops in rush.

Patient neighbor will lose nerves after he said you 5 times to shut down your music. Patient teacher will give you bad mark after he said you few times that you need to study more.

Be patient is sometimes symbolic word for never. Dreams which will never become true, not because it was impossible. It is just because you waited too long.