Tears don’t lie


In past times knights with swords were heroes, they fought for honor of fragile princesses while they were powerless , waiting for a help. Girl with golden hair, trapped in tower use her long hair for prince who climbed to save her. In such stories, beautiful women used strong weapon – their tears.

If you ask some women now days do they use tears, they will be ashamed to admit this. Crying is sign of weakness and if you cry all the time you will be considered as stupid woman, who need man to lean on him, because she can’t do nothing by herself. They forgot power of crying face, and all protection which they can use in their purposes.

Anita had big problems at work. She was teacher in high school and one of her students, Joe was problematic kid. One day she asked him to turn of his cell phone, and he called her bitchy woman. She lost nerves and slapped him in front of others. Another day, mother of this kid complaint to headmaster. He was older man and he invited Anita in his office. She developed good strategy. First she did not say nothing opposite, she admitted her mistake. Then, she started to talk about her sleepless night because she is single mother and her child is only 3 years old. She went through tough divorce . After this story she started to cry. Headmaster watched her red face and wet eyes, and he felt unpleasant. He offered her handkerchief . Also he gave her few free days until she collect her nerves. When she went back, she did not get punishment. Even opposite, headmaster had serious talk with Joe. He warned him to choose carefully his words. 


If you think that tears are not useful in some situations, you are wrong

They are kind of joker in the pocket. Men like to feel strong and powerful, so nothing is more desirable than fragile, sensitive and helpless woman. If that woman is pretty, her success is guaranteed. As in old times, when knights saved ladies from troubles. Give her hug and help her to get over through tough situation. If that woman is yelling and try to prove her rights, she is not helpless lady anymore. She is monster and men will look at her as equal competition, so she can be defeated. 

Why we should not use for our purposes what nature gave to us? 

It doesn’t make us weak, it makes us smarter. Save your energy and don’t yell, don’t smash plates if you can use tears to get what you wish. Show your pain without talking too much. Tears don’t lie.

Also, it is very important to pick moment when you can play with this joker. If you will cry all the time, people will think that you are sick or hysterical. Act with dignity, as princess from the castle. You can use fancy handkerchief and blink with your eyes. Heroes are ready.


Life in matrix



We talk about free human rights in every opportunity, but society is made in matrix. Even someone wants to fit in, standing out will be better solution if you follow your instinct. At first sight is cool to fit between your friends or colleagues, but if you feel ridiculous or uncomfortable , this feeling will be as walking in too tight shoes. The question is: can you get out from the crowd and make own rules, or you will stay and dance on music made by others?

We live in one big matrix even many are not aware of this. When you do something out of matrix, rule of society is broken and now you will get punishment. Judgment, isolation, rage of crowd, cause you are black sheep who need to get out from this herd. 

How matrix looks like?

For sure you will recognize some neighbors, friends and colleagues as blind followers of matrix, in this cases:

When you are 16, kiss for a first time.

When you are 18, find first boyfriend or girlfriend. High school relations are cool.

When you are 25, you need to get marry.

Give birth to child before 30.

Give birth to another child before 35.

Go to find your first job in 25.

Die in 70 because your purpose is over. 

One my friend described this on funny way. He is single, over 35 and he still lives with parents. It is not ideal choice, but that is his right. Old neighbors judge him because he fall out from matrix. As he said : “Old granny has register. She makes notes when someone will marry, have children and find job. If you fulfill to all conditions, you are human. If not, you are trash. “

Life in matrix is full of limits. 

People will not judge you when you fit in, but your conscience will complain. I remember the day when i get out from matrix. I got job and my boss advised to me to associate with people, to go in restaurant for lunch with them, to drink coffee and listen what they are talking, because they are mine colleagues. So, i was curious to see that association and i went to office room where women drink coffee. This stories about their children, husbands and work made me yawn, i could not get my word to say or comment something, because they were always in right. In that time i was not married so they only said :”Oh, you are next. What are you waiting for?” When i got married, i got next question : “Do you have children?” So that matrix was haunting me with rope. 

Then i reject to join to next office party, i had an excuse that i have a lot of work and urgent case. I was eating alone in business restaurant, without anyone who will chew loud in my presence or make phone calls between meals. So i felt free as bird. Later, they were gossiping me but i only smiled. Next days situation was calmer, and i saw some colleagues to follow mine example. One of them said: “You have right, they are annoying. I also hate to eat with someone, i love my peace. ” Man who was working with me said: “Congrats, you have your attitude. “

When you get out from matrix, guardians will try to sabotage you. They will run with leash and try to stop your intentions, because you are bad example for others. Rebels always have label, and it is not recommended to associate with them. This is price, but feeling is incredible. Compare this with bird in cage. Poor bird will try to fly but her wings are powerless in closed space. When cage is open, bird will fly free  and sky is not the limit. 

Do you wish to fly or just breath in cage, this is your choice, but also don’t judge others who will fly alone. 

I am all ear



We are surrounded by cell phones, computers, i-phones and other gadgets , which distract our attention. If you ask for a friend who will listen to you, that is hard task. As much gadgets became great tools to avoid someone, in other hand we are their prisoners. Imagine when you traveled by bus or train before 20 years, and bunch of creepers annoyed you. How to escape? You would buy the biggest newspaper to hide your face , just not to listen old lady in front of you who were talking about their grandchildren. Today, you will look as creature from Star Wars. Tablet in your lap, earphones in your ears, cell phone in your hands and i-pod in your purse, for any case. The main question is how long your battery will last and did you spent all credits , because how you will reply on important message?

How many of you can say that you found good friend, who will follow your conversation with attention? This world became selfish, not just technological place. If we all talk just about our problems, how we can expect that others will help us?

These are signs that you found friend who doesn’t listen:

He replies with short words. 

( Yes, i understand. It is ok. )

He doesn’t look into your eyes. His attention is somewhere else.

He is typing messages on his cell phone until you are talking.

He avoids to give opinion. 

(Well, you know the best. It is not my business. )

He offers himself as role model.

( Do it as me. Behave as me. )

Now on my mind is popular humorous serial “Alo, alo”, where woman called Michele talks in this way : “Listen to me carefully, i will say this only once. ” Today, it is not enough to say things only once, because your ring tone will distract you and messenger will catch your eye. Did you listen? No.

When you find friend who will listen to you, this mean that person listen with understanding.


How does it look like?

He never interrupts you while you are talking.

He is focused at your eyes.

He gave useful advice.

He is honest. He will not give approval if he doesn’t like the story.

( I think you should not do this.)

He will give critics, no matter will you like it or not.

One of good points in every relations is to find partner who will focus at your conversation. Guy who knows to listen is very sexy. Imagine man who is all ear while you are talking. He asks questions about you, he is interested even you are talking how much times at day your cat eats. An opposite, man who is talking with 3 women in the same time is dispersed. He will not remember what he said. He will be lost in all stories. He will not know what is your name and how old are you. 

These are evidences that your man is not good listener:

“Excuse me, can you repeat what you said? My mother called me just right now. “

“I will tell you later what i think about this. “

” I don’t understand what you mean by this.”

” I am busy dear. And so tired. “

” Sorry i just watch football now. “

Conversation is mutual reaction. If you have partner or friend who is interested and focused at your stories, keep him as treasure. Also, listen him and give him an opinion. There is no more ugly scene than couple who is sitting in coffee bar, without live conversation. He is typing on cell phone, she is reading newspaper. He is talking on cell phone, she is typing on her laptop. Why? Because he got urgent call and she got urgent notification that someone wants to add her. Or she is near record in Candy Crush Saga. That is so important that she did not hear his boyfriend who said that they will break up. Just right now. 

Material for marriage



Compliments are cure for ego. Every person likes to be the best and especially better from competition. Women will wear best clothes and shoes to be noticed. Men will drive expensive cars to increase their odds. In this big race, the main question is, how to find material for marriage?
How to recognize person who is worthy to spend the rest of our life with us?
If you are woman, you will relate with this situation. Saturday night, and you are going out in club with your friends. I will assume that you are single and pretty. If you are young, or if you look younger, your chances are better, for first impression. Let’s see statistic. About 15-10 men will approach you to offer you drink. Half of them are jerks who just ask for fast sex.
How to recognize their intentions?
Guy x will approach you to ask for dance. If you say yes, he will try to touch sensitive parts of your body, or ask for dark corners in the club. If you accept , he will try to kiss you in this corner or to take you into car. Also, he will offer you more and more drinks, because alcohol will kill your sobriety. If you accept this, if you make love with him in his car, next day he will not call you. If you ask why, he “lost” your number. With intention.
Now, what happen with other 50% guys?
25% guys will talk with you, without intentions to touch you. They care about their reputation and they want something more than hot affair. You will get number , he will ask for your number and next day he will call you. This is not guarantee that you are invited on super date. Maybe guy is boring, jerk or simply not the right one. But it is worthy of try, if he left good first impression.
25% other guys are taken or cocky. You noticed them, but they did not noticed you. If you stare at him all night, and he did not noticed you, don’t try to approach him. You don’t want to be ashamed or to make his ego big? So, stay away.
Now, in this group, can you find candidate for relation and later marriage?
Let’s assume that you are dating from guy about one month. He start to push you to make love with him, he is rushing like he will tomorrow die. If you like this, you can take a risk. But if you don’t like this, and you do this just to please his wishes, be sure that relation is going to the end. He will not award you for one night of sweating. He might got his score and runaway.
When friends asked Anthea why she chose Gilles for her husband , even she rejected some more handsome guys, she answered this:
“He can handle all conflicts with me without raising his voice. He makes me calm. He makes me ashamed even he never insults me, because, when i do something wrong, i just see this expression in his eyes. We share desk and bed, and he can taste all my meals without complaining. I regret when i make him angry, because i feel like i break diamond. We are smiling together as little kids. He is not the most handsome, he started to lose his hair, but i adore him. I can see myself how i am getting old, without fear.
The truth is, women will get sex easier, and guys have better odds for relation. Women who use guys as toys are in minority. You will not often hear guys who are used for sex by women. Even if this happens, they will not cry. They will have only broken ego, because it makes them less men.
At first you must know what is your priority. If you ask husband, don’t act like slut. If you ask adventure, don’t expect that guy will propose you. Sometimes, we sent wrong signals and that is confusing men. You might flirt with his best friend to make him jealous, but he will just think bad about you, that you are girl for flirt.
Can you recognize material for marriage in your present boyfriend? If not, maybe is time to make a change. We are tailors of our private life. If you can’t make suit from that material, buy it somewhere else.

Emotional bill

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Many single women will face it with difficult question: “Who cares for me?” No matter are you recently in single status or you search for partner a long time, emptiness is your follower and you are victim of other people who look at you with condolence or even mockery. If you ask single women how they feel alone, they will say “i have friends and family, my parents and brothers are still here”, or ” i am not exactly alone, i have lover who visits me from time to time.” Here is one important thing , universal cure for loneliness. This is financial freedom.
Now i can hear phrases as “money is cold blanket” or “money can’t buy happiness and love”, but power of money should never be underestimated. You can use money as stick to hold on, when everything else is going to hell. Think about your best friend. She is dear girl, but she can’t live your life instead of you. She is married, she is also mother and her priorities will be different. She loves you, but she can’t have too much time to cry with you or to listen your problems. Her husband will complain that lunch is not over yet and her kids will scream for candies. Also, think about your mother. She is not young woman, probably she has some health problems and her role in your life is not to educate you anymore. She advised you until she could, now she can’t help you with jerk who left you.
Think about your job, do you have it? Do you have financial source? 
Now, if you have it, you are still in the game. Someone needs you, even if it is your boss or your clients. Money can’t buy love or happiness, but it can raise your self respect and self confidence. Until you are in transit zone between single status and relation, money can fill your emptiness. You are busy and you have no time for tears. Imagine, how many single women are on top business positions? What would they do if they pass through breakups? What if they are single for a years? That is sad situation, but not unsolved. Some of us can’t have everything. Good husband, kids and career. Some are not so lucky.
If you were in situation that you are so dependable of your husband, and he wants divorce, your problems without money could be bigger. 

What would you choose, money and single status, or empty pockets and husband who cheats you? In the period of crises, you can hear and feel lack of human empathy. Suddenly, all have own problems and all are busy. When you invite people for a party, everyone will come. When you need money, nobody is here. All your friends runaway because they don’t wish to hear story about your failed marriage or relation.

Emotional bill is the biggest. How you will get paycheck from broken heart and devastated relation? Nobody cares, but your bank account can help to stand on your feet.

Crossing the line

Imagine yourself behind fence. On this fence is sign ” do not disturb”. Would it dare you to cross the line? Or, you would respect that alert, waiting for someone to open the gate?
Human relations are games between walls and fences. Everything is good until person is happy, talkative and in good mood, but life is not paradise and black days will also find place. Easy going friendship is based on smiles and hugs, but what happens when person falls into depression and doesn’t want to talk with you? What happens when your love is quiet and you can’t find a reason?
In this situation, we are always in doubts. Our decision is based on lines “i can’t leave him like that” or ” he will think i don’t care if i don’t try. ” Well, sometimes the worst decision is to pull person on sleeve, to talk and smile with you , because that is breaking the wall and cross over fence, where trespass is not allowed.
Imagine that your friend broke with someone and she is quiet for a days.
Would you help her with corny advices like this?
He is not worthy of your tears.
He did not care about you anyway.
Lot of guys are waiting for you, and you just need to open your eyes.
Focus on your job, you need to earn money. You can’t live from love.
In best case, your friend will listen you without reply. Some people are too polite to say “enough” and they will just pretend that they are listening, but they will not hear you. More extrovert person will hate you if you cross her line.
The best test of friendship is skill of understanding. If you can sit next to person, quietly, without forcing any communication, and later just hug your sad friend, this is mature. Wait a moment until person is ready to talk with you. When sadness pressure your lungs and heart, you are not able to talk.
Sign “do not disturb” is line of dignity and respect. Person could be mad dog, and you don’t want to dare mad dog.
Roberta and Molly broke their friendship because of funny story. Roberta broke up with boyfriend, and did not reply on calls for a week, so Molly knocked at her door to ask her what is going on. Roberta opened door and said her that she is not in the mood because of her problems. Molly said: “You are selfish indeed. You think only you have problems? You ignore your best friend. No wonder you have no friends. ” So Roberta had no choice than to kick her out.
Caring and disturbing are two different things. You might be in concern, but if you worry, you will not use force. In this case you are pressing wrong buttons. If someone wants to keep distance, let him go.
Life will choke us with problems and we need to face with them alone. Offer your help but don’t wait so long that someone accept your hand. Crossing the line without passport is not legal, even in human relations.

Romantic mediator


It is not easy to be in the middle of two people, especially if they are couple. If you got this duty to hold side for someone, this position is ungrateful. Did you have experience with your desperate friend who asked you to help her with her relation, because she can’t bear this pain anymore? In this moment you enter into race and take a risk to jump out every moment. Messengers could be killed, isn’t it?

Daryl is crazy in love and her best friend Alice is shoulder for crying. This stunning relation lasts about one year. Her beloved man Richard is main topic of every conversation between two girls. Even Alice has good nerves, her patience is at the end. Every time Daryl talks only about him. “Richard hurt me again. I can’t live like this anymore. ” Then Alice replies : “Leave him, he is not worthy of you. ” This conversation is spinning into circles, because Daryl wish some advises, and when she gets it, she doesn’t listen and story is always the same. One day Daryl asked her to talk with Richard, to forward him her messages. It was a day when Richard went into business journey in another city and by some coincidence, Alice was there on vacation. They talked in coffee bar and Richard was fascinated with Alice. He was not interested about Daryl and her feelings, but Alice captured his attention. Later, Daryl blamed Alice that she tried to seduce her boyfriend. Alice was not guilty, she just wanted to help and she got egg in the face.

If you accept role of messenger, everything is possible. Imagine that you are Cupid and you need to make harmony in some devastated relations. You will be in the middle of battlefield and random shots could hurt you.

What are possibilities?

This man can blame you that you poke nose in something what is not your business.

Woman may be suspicious about your real intentions, when you try to help her to make peace with her boyfriend. She could be jealous if he is too kind with you.

You could be hurt by both, because it makes things even worse .

Here is also one important question, what kind of relation is this, where third side need to be a referee? When someone loves you, you don’t need to push him, to beg him or to warn him what is right and what is wrong. This person could feel pressure. How to love someone by force, even worse, when force is coming from third side?  Men are sometimes allergic on female friends, because they take role of teacher or judge, and they interfere in other relations as assistants. If your best friend is married, her husband may dislike you, because you always know the best for both. You know that he should not flirt with other women, that he should not get drunk or to be indecent toward his mother in law. That is the thing which men hate the most, when women told them what to do, and when that women are so close friends with their wives. 

So when your best friend is desperate, when she is crying, help her, but watch your back. Be spontaneous, make some jokes from this situation and don’t cross the line. You can tell to her husband or boyfriend on nice way, without nagging, to take care for this precious woman.

Gilda was mediator when her friend Sally was hurt by her boyfriend : 

She said : ” You have choice to continue this and make her cry, or to walk out with smile. Nobody force you to stay in this relation, but if you stay, spare me from your troubles. I have no more time and nerves to listen her requiem every day.