Copy and paste friendship

 

1936992_993195354051152_5131231925655626677_n

Social intelligence is ability to sympathize with others, to feel their needs and to help them if you can. Selfish person is deaf on other wishes, so when you hear someone to say “What i have to do with this, this is not my concern”, you know what to expect. 

This kind of ability gives you eyes wide open, and your view into world is more ample. In this case, you will be able to communicate with people from different countries and with different attitudes. It doesn’t matter is your friend gay, atheist or nigger, you love them all on equal way.

No, it doesn’t mean that you must agree with others in everything, just this time boundaries are different. So, if you feel disrespect from other side, your right is to push this person away.

Recently i saw this kind of sentence in one group at internet. Guy said: “Please add me, i need friends, i have no friends. ” This voice of despair sounds creepy, because person marked himself as loser. So the same guy started to like everyone’s post, to confirm with everything with others say, just to get their attention. Result was bad, people found him as irritating and annoying.

For sure you can remember situation from childhood, when two girls wear the same clothes, when they kiss each other in cheek and hold their hands on the street. It looks cute on first sight, but somehow artificial. 

What happens when girls grow up?

One girl found boyfriend, other is still single. 

One girl move in another city.

One girl spread her circle of friends, so she is not free as before, sometimes she wish to go in cinema with other girls.

One girl became more popular.

What other girl feels?

She is abandoned.

She is angry.

She is jealous.

Other girl says : “That is not fair. We wear the same clothes, we listen the same music, we grew up together. Now she makes distance with me. But i gave her all, i always stand behind her, even when she was not so sweet and kind. “

That is situation with copy and paste friendship. In this case, other girl lost personality. She wears the same red skirt and white blouse, but also she talks, laughs and acts on the same way as her best friend. That is point of this story, she was clone and twin, but not equal part of this friendship.

Copy paste friendships are field of risk.

 If you have friend who copy your style, as in movie with Bridget Fonda, this situation is dangerous. It will turn on two ways : your friend is addicted to you because you create her or your friend hates you because she gets less attention than you.

Best friends are indeed people who are not always sweet together. They fight and argue, they have different taste and priorities, but their friendship is as chess board. Black and white, different personalities, but awesome in one mosaic. This relation is mature, because you don’t need to wear the same skirt to prove your loyalty and devotion.

Second chance

8a3c1f03837e57b2149e5e812de0e071

Fool me once, mistake is yours. Fool me twice, or for a third time, mistake is mine. People are not robots, so everyone can do something bad to other person. No matter if you miss to do something good or you did bad thing, you mistaked. Now this is open space for another chance. 

When you give another chance , your heart is opened to forgiveness. Forgive, forget and give new opportunity because we are all from flesh and blood. What is indeed second chance? This is benefit and we can’t splash it again. Inside of that second chance is also an alert , if you fool me again, this is forever.

Heart is soft and there is big space for forgiveness. Sweet words are melting poison, and person can cross us with promises and lies. Second, third or forth chance, who care, if he forgot first time, he will do it again. So, when you use second chance as expanded background for more bad activities, this happens in bad purpose. 

Think about to whom you will give second chance. Will you exterminate lies and fake promises from the same person if you give this chance again?

74a2d-img_1934

Heather and Mona were friends for a long time. That friendship ended up when Heather start to date with Mona’s ex boyfriend Paul. They broke up before a month, and Heather jumped into that relation without notify her friend. Mona did not accepted it well so she avoided Heather for a years. She was hurt because her heart was still suffering, and Heather put knife there with her decision to date with Paul. Few years later Heather met Mona at the street and they talked about past times. She was not with Paul anymore and she wanted another chance. Mona accepted her again, she missed her old friendship. After some time, Mona saw mysterious sms on the phone of her husband. Now she was happily married and she trusted to him. That sms was from Heather, she wanted to drink coffee with Mona’s new husband. All doubts went back. Mona kicked her out forever. Her husband denied invitation from Heather, and Mona regret why she allow to herself to mess with Heather again. She was not indeed worthy of try.

When we give someone another chance, this decision can’t develop over night. Why this person did not use first chance? Why we are now in situation that we need another proof of loyality and devotion? It would be easier to erase this person from life, to give opportunity to someone new. 

It is easier to trust someone new, because we start from the beginning. 

There are no glitch from the past. We don’t see tail from past mistakes. Man was drinking alcohole and lose his job. Now, after rehab, he start to work again, and he drink again. Maybe, under pressure of new chance, he will mistake again. Second chance can be burden for those who are starting the same path again. It is like you repeat the same class, once you failed, and you are tense because of past experiences.

If someone did mistake, think about intention behind it. Maybe that person did not know about consequences. Maybe this is just indolence. In that case we can forgive, with warning that this is the last chance.

Second chance is not invitation for third or forth chance. This is yellow card, as in football. You are still in, but if you mistake again, you are out forever.

Killer inside of us

2-1.gif

When life starts to slap you from every side, you will survive or fall down. That is why quote says : “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. ” We could analyse why some people became ruthless, harsh or even heartless. Circumstances define you, no matter do you wish this or not. Every bad experience will leave track at your soul, and you will never be the same person as before. Rules of survival are cruel.

Elaine was girl from poor family, they had a lot of unpaid bills and once she was studying for exam with the light of candles. She had only one pair of boots and she spent many winters in them. When Elaine finished her education and got a job, her clients complaint that she is too harsh. Even her boss said : “Please, try to be warmer with people. We are here to help them.” Elaine was formal and she did her tasks accord the law. She was good lawyer, even some clients considered her as cruel. As she used to say : “I am lawyer, not a nurse or nanny. Accept this that i will not sing you lullaby, you need legal advise.”

___2_by_paraprakash-d95qs4p.jpg

Life is not equal to all of us. 

If person lives surrounded by attention, love and careness, it will affect on future. Painful past will mark us and even we are not aware of this, we will show our black side. People are often superficial and they will see what they wish to see. Just because someone is not always nice and kind, it doesn’t mean that he is a bad person. 

What will negative experience leave to us?

Bad memories. You blow on cold if you burnt in past.

Emotional scarves. You will have problems with emotional connection.

Sarcasm. What is romantic for others, that is pathetic for you.

Alerts. Red alarm will always ring in similar situation. This red light blinks from the past.

Imagine teenage girl, in 18, how she is dancing with innocent smile on her face. Every guy would like to invite her on date. She is pure, she is not overthinking. Twenty years later she is not the same person. If life punished her with bitter experiences as bad relation, divorce or abusing, she will not smile so innocent as before. She will be full of bitterness, and if not, she will open four eyes. 

What doesn’t kill you makes you a killer. 

When you lost important part of your heart and soul, when someone stole your happiness, you will wish to fight back. That is what person who wish to survive do, she tries to bring back what she lost a long time ago.

Grinch in your dreams

 

12106823_825605670889458_2357483663064368715_n

Vision of life is often different than reality, because that vision is based on dreams which will not always come true. As young girl you maybe dreamed about career of famous singer, actress or dancer, but in reality you are secretary, waitress or nurse. In some period of life we stop dreaming, and that situation could lead us into black tunnel of depression. 

What to do when your dreams did not realized?

Real end happens when you give up. Until you are in the game, your chances still exist.

Try with different solutions. Previous ways were wrong, so try with new refreshments.

Try with backup plan. You can’t get what you wished , but maybe you wish something similar, what is more possible to get.

Don’t make it worse, so don’t do something what you will regret later, to hurt yourself or to hurt others because things are not good.

Human wishes are curse. When people can’t get what they want, they are frustrated, desperate or even suicidal. It is not the end of the world if that woman doesn’t love you or if you were fired from job, but that affects negative at your self confidence. When you take other’s dreams, you may kill person inside. In movie “The escape from Alcatraz”, prisoner Doc was painter and this made him alive in jail. When headmaster of jail took his tools and forbid him to paint, his life was over, he made suicide.

Many of you will recognize situation when you hold on something what makes your life worth of living. This could be your wife, children, mother, job, or even just kind of hobby. Maybe you like to play piano or guitar, maybe you adore football. You can’t imagine life without these things, and if for some reason you lose your reason for life, you will think on worst.

Joseph lived in small city with mother and father. He suffered from depression and he could not find girlfriend, because of his psychological problems. Mother died from cancer, and one year later, father died from brain stroke. Joseph could not handle this pressure, he felt that he is alone at this world, even he had some friends. He made suicide by hanging, his friends found him in flat, without goodbye note. He lost parents and it was too hard kick for him, because his personality was too fragile and he needed expert help. His death was an alert. It could not happen like this.

Introvert, hypersensitive and depressive people are in black zone, and loss of dreams is big danger for them. They live in beautiful internal world, and when life take this away from them, they will decide about suicide.

I would love to say that all will end well, as in some fairy tale, but it is not always like that. Sometimes, you will not find prince, and you will work at awful job with stinky boss, even this is unfair. Even worse, you will see other people how they live life which you imagined. Someone stole your dreams , as Grinch. Now you live in nightmare.

You can change attitude and focus on good things, for sure that positive side is hidden somewhere, out of focus , where Grinch can’t reach this. There is no guarantees that things will change, but if you give up, for sure you will never catch your fantasies. 

Tears don’t lie

Cb3usHJW4AAN5Hr

In past times knights with swords were heroes, they fought for honor of fragile princesses while they were powerless , waiting for a help. Girl with golden hair, trapped in tower use her long hair for prince who climbed to save her. In such stories, beautiful women used strong weapon – their tears.

If you ask some women now days do they use tears, they will be ashamed to admit this. Crying is sign of weakness and if you cry all the time you will be considered as stupid woman, who need man to lean on him, because she can’t do nothing by herself. They forgot power of crying face, and all protection which they can use in their purposes.

Anita had big problems at work. She was teacher in high school and one of her students, Joe was problematic kid. One day she asked him to turn of his cell phone, and he called her bitchy woman. She lost nerves and slapped him in front of others. Another day, mother of this kid complaint to headmaster. He was older man and he invited Anita in his office. She developed good strategy. First she did not say nothing opposite, she admitted her mistake. Then, she started to talk about her sleepless night because she is single mother and her child is only 3 years old. She went through tough divorce . After this story she started to cry. Headmaster watched her red face and wet eyes, and he felt unpleasant. He offered her handkerchief . Also he gave her few free days until she collect her nerves. When she went back, she did not get punishment. Even opposite, headmaster had serious talk with Joe. He warned him to choose carefully his words. 

 

If you think that tears are not useful in some situations, you are wrong


They are kind of joker in the pocket. Men like to feel strong and powerful, so nothing is more desirable than fragile, sensitive and helpless woman. If that woman is pretty, her success is guaranteed. As in old times, when knights saved ladies from troubles. Give her hug and help her to get over through tough situation. If that woman is yelling and try to prove her rights, she is not helpless lady anymore. She is monster and men will look at her as equal competition, so she can be defeated. 

Why we should not use for our purposes what nature gave to us? 


It doesn’t make us weak, it makes us smarter. Save your energy and don’t yell, don’t smash plates if you can use tears to get what you wish. Show your pain without talking too much. Tears don’t lie.

Also, it is very important to pick moment when you can play with this joker. If you will cry all the time, people will think that you are sick or hysterical. Act with dignity, as princess from the castle. You can use fancy handkerchief and blink with your eyes. Heroes are ready.

Life in matrix

 

12729113_854322188011529_2364629508848190872_n

We talk about free human rights in every opportunity, but society is made in matrix. Even someone wants to fit in, standing out will be better solution if you follow your instinct. At first sight is cool to fit between your friends or colleagues, but if you feel ridiculous or uncomfortable , this feeling will be as walking in too tight shoes. The question is: can you get out from the crowd and make own rules, or you will stay and dance on music made by others?

We live in one big matrix even many are not aware of this. When you do something out of matrix, rule of society is broken and now you will get punishment. Judgment, isolation, rage of crowd, cause you are black sheep who need to get out from this herd. 

How matrix looks like?

For sure you will recognize some neighbors, friends and colleagues as blind followers of matrix, in this cases:

When you are 16, kiss for a first time.

When you are 18, find first boyfriend or girlfriend. High school relations are cool.

When you are 25, you need to get marry.

Give birth to child before 30.

Give birth to another child before 35.

Go to find your first job in 25.

Die in 70 because your purpose is over. 

One my friend described this on funny way. He is single, over 35 and he still lives with parents. It is not ideal choice, but that is his right. Old neighbors judge him because he fall out from matrix. As he said : “Old granny has register. She makes notes when someone will marry, have children and find job. If you fulfill to all conditions, you are human. If not, you are trash. “

Life in matrix is full of limits. 

People will not judge you when you fit in, but your conscience will complain. I remember the day when i get out from matrix. I got job and my boss advised to me to associate with people, to go in restaurant for lunch with them, to drink coffee and listen what they are talking, because they are mine colleagues. So, i was curious to see that association and i went to office room where women drink coffee. This stories about their children, husbands and work made me yawn, i could not get my word to say or comment something, because they were always in right. In that time i was not married so they only said :”Oh, you are next. What are you waiting for?” When i got married, i got next question : “Do you have children?” So that matrix was haunting me with rope. 

Then i reject to join to next office party, i had an excuse that i have a lot of work and urgent case. I was eating alone in business restaurant, without anyone who will chew loud in my presence or make phone calls between meals. So i felt free as bird. Later, they were gossiping me but i only smiled. Next days situation was calmer, and i saw some colleagues to follow mine example. One of them said: “You have right, they are annoying. I also hate to eat with someone, i love my peace. ” Man who was working with me said: “Congrats, you have your attitude. “

When you get out from matrix, guardians will try to sabotage you. They will run with leash and try to stop your intentions, because you are bad example for others. Rebels always have label, and it is not recommended to associate with them. This is price, but feeling is incredible. Compare this with bird in cage. Poor bird will try to fly but her wings are powerless in closed space. When cage is open, bird will fly free  and sky is not the limit. 

Do you wish to fly or just breath in cage, this is your choice, but also don’t judge others who will fly alone. 

I am all ear

36fb8-533132_396349747072626_220651632_n

 

We are surrounded by cell phones, computers, i-phones and other gadgets , which distract our attention. If you ask for a friend who will listen to you, that is hard task. As much gadgets became great tools to avoid someone, in other hand we are their prisoners. Imagine when you traveled by bus or train before 20 years, and bunch of creepers annoyed you. How to escape? You would buy the biggest newspaper to hide your face , just not to listen old lady in front of you who were talking about their grandchildren. Today, you will look as creature from Star Wars. Tablet in your lap, earphones in your ears, cell phone in your hands and i-pod in your purse, for any case. The main question is how long your battery will last and did you spent all credits , because how you will reply on important message?

How many of you can say that you found good friend, who will follow your conversation with attention? This world became selfish, not just technological place. If we all talk just about our problems, how we can expect that others will help us?

These are signs that you found friend who doesn’t listen:

He replies with short words. 

( Yes, i understand. It is ok. )

He doesn’t look into your eyes. His attention is somewhere else.

He is typing messages on his cell phone until you are talking.

He avoids to give opinion. 

(Well, you know the best. It is not my business. )

He offers himself as role model.

( Do it as me. Behave as me. )

Now on my mind is popular humorous serial “Alo, alo”, where woman called Michele talks in this way : “Listen to me carefully, i will say this only once. ” Today, it is not enough to say things only once, because your ring tone will distract you and messenger will catch your eye. Did you listen? No.

When you find friend who will listen to you, this mean that person listen with understanding.

60ad9-20152b-2b12b252822529

How does it look like?

He never interrupts you while you are talking.

He is focused at your eyes.

He gave useful advice.

He is honest. He will not give approval if he doesn’t like the story.

( I think you should not do this.)

He will give critics, no matter will you like it or not.

One of good points in every relations is to find partner who will focus at your conversation. Guy who knows to listen is very sexy. Imagine man who is all ear while you are talking. He asks questions about you, he is interested even you are talking how much times at day your cat eats. An opposite, man who is talking with 3 women in the same time is dispersed. He will not remember what he said. He will be lost in all stories. He will not know what is your name and how old are you. 

These are evidences that your man is not good listener:

“Excuse me, can you repeat what you said? My mother called me just right now. “

“I will tell you later what i think about this. “

” I don’t understand what you mean by this.”

” I am busy dear. And so tired. “

” Sorry i just watch football now. “

Conversation is mutual reaction. If you have partner or friend who is interested and focused at your stories, keep him as treasure. Also, listen him and give him an opinion. There is no more ugly scene than couple who is sitting in coffee bar, without live conversation. He is typing on cell phone, she is reading newspaper. He is talking on cell phone, she is typing on her laptop. Why? Because he got urgent call and she got urgent notification that someone wants to add her. Or she is near record in Candy Crush Saga. That is so important that she did not hear his boyfriend who said that they will break up. Just right now. 

Material for marriage

CalzKJ4UAAAVmS4

 

Compliments are cure for ego. Every person likes to be the best and especially better from competition. Women will wear best clothes and shoes to be noticed. Men will drive expensive cars to increase their odds. In this big race, the main question is, how to find material for marriage?
How to recognize person who is worthy to spend the rest of our life with us?
If you are woman, you will relate with this situation. Saturday night, and you are going out in club with your friends. I will assume that you are single and pretty. If you are young, or if you look younger, your chances are better, for first impression. Let’s see statistic. About 15-10 men will approach you to offer you drink. Half of them are jerks who just ask for fast sex.
How to recognize their intentions?
Guy x will approach you to ask for dance. If you say yes, he will try to touch sensitive parts of your body, or ask for dark corners in the club. If you accept , he will try to kiss you in this corner or to take you into car. Also, he will offer you more and more drinks, because alcohol will kill your sobriety. If you accept this, if you make love with him in his car, next day he will not call you. If you ask why, he “lost” your number. With intention.
Now, what happen with other 50% guys?
25% guys will talk with you, without intentions to touch you. They care about their reputation and they want something more than hot affair. You will get number , he will ask for your number and next day he will call you. This is not guarantee that you are invited on super date. Maybe guy is boring, jerk or simply not the right one. But it is worthy of try, if he left good first impression.
25% other guys are taken or cocky. You noticed them, but they did not noticed you. If you stare at him all night, and he did not noticed you, don’t try to approach him. You don’t want to be ashamed or to make his ego big? So, stay away.
Now, in this group, can you find candidate for relation and later marriage?
Let’s assume that you are dating from guy about one month. He start to push you to make love with him, he is rushing like he will tomorrow die. If you like this, you can take a risk. But if you don’t like this, and you do this just to please his wishes, be sure that relation is going to the end. He will not award you for one night of sweating. He might got his score and runaway.
When friends asked Anthea why she chose Gilles for her husband , even she rejected some more handsome guys, she answered this:
“He can handle all conflicts with me without raising his voice. He makes me calm. He makes me ashamed even he never insults me, because, when i do something wrong, i just see this expression in his eyes. We share desk and bed, and he can taste all my meals without complaining. I regret when i make him angry, because i feel like i break diamond. We are smiling together as little kids. He is not the most handsome, he started to lose his hair, but i adore him. I can see myself how i am getting old, without fear.
The truth is, women will get sex easier, and guys have better odds for relation. Women who use guys as toys are in minority. You will not often hear guys who are used for sex by women. Even if this happens, they will not cry. They will have only broken ego, because it makes them less men.
At first you must know what is your priority. If you ask husband, don’t act like slut. If you ask adventure, don’t expect that guy will propose you. Sometimes, we sent wrong signals and that is confusing men. You might flirt with his best friend to make him jealous, but he will just think bad about you, that you are girl for flirt.
Can you recognize material for marriage in your present boyfriend? If not, maybe is time to make a change. We are tailors of our private life. If you can’t make suit from that material, buy it somewhere else.

Emotional bill

2016 - 1 (4)

Many single women will face it with difficult question: “Who cares for me?” No matter are you recently in single status or you search for partner a long time, emptiness is your follower and you are victim of other people who look at you with condolence or even mockery. If you ask single women how they feel alone, they will say “i have friends and family, my parents and brothers are still here”, or ” i am not exactly alone, i have lover who visits me from time to time.” Here is one important thing , universal cure for loneliness. This is financial freedom.
Now i can hear phrases as “money is cold blanket” or “money can’t buy happiness and love”, but power of money should never be underestimated. You can use money as stick to hold on, when everything else is going to hell. Think about your best friend. She is dear girl, but she can’t live your life instead of you. She is married, she is also mother and her priorities will be different. She loves you, but she can’t have too much time to cry with you or to listen your problems. Her husband will complain that lunch is not over yet and her kids will scream for candies. Also, think about your mother. She is not young woman, probably she has some health problems and her role in your life is not to educate you anymore. She advised you until she could, now she can’t help you with jerk who left you.
Think about your job, do you have it? Do you have financial source? 
Now, if you have it, you are still in the game. Someone needs you, even if it is your boss or your clients. Money can’t buy love or happiness, but it can raise your self respect and self confidence. Until you are in transit zone between single status and relation, money can fill your emptiness. You are busy and you have no time for tears. Imagine, how many single women are on top business positions? What would they do if they pass through breakups? What if they are single for a years? That is sad situation, but not unsolved. Some of us can’t have everything. Good husband, kids and career. Some are not so lucky.
If you were in situation that you are so dependable of your husband, and he wants divorce, your problems without money could be bigger. 

What would you choose, money and single status, or empty pockets and husband who cheats you? In the period of crises, you can hear and feel lack of human empathy. Suddenly, all have own problems and all are busy. When you invite people for a party, everyone will come. When you need money, nobody is here. All your friends runaway because they don’t wish to hear story about your failed marriage or relation.

Emotional bill is the biggest. How you will get paycheck from broken heart and devastated relation? Nobody cares, but your bank account can help to stand on your feet.

Deja vu mistakes

16 - 1 (12)

Mistakes are part of life. When someone says that everything is going smooth all his life, that person lies, because reality is not video game. We never know what can go wrong and how many levels we need to skip for our score.

If you constantly learn on your mistakes, this price is very expensive. Sometimes is necessary to learn from others. Mistakes are problems with hidden chances and family roots. In your family is maybe person who failed in one situation, and now you are passing the same problem. Will you do the same or you wish to read previous book about this?

Louise had all chances for success. Pretty girl and talented teacher had many proposals for marriage, Problem was in her wild side, she was very stubborn and she left her home early, when she was 23. She found man and got marry for him, even he was only 19, not ready for marriage. She got pregnant so they lived in marriage for a year. He left her with excuse that he can’t be father , he was too young. After this Louise found another man, who was without job. They married and stayed together whole her life. He was not good husband. Lazy, aggressive, he dared to slap her even she was the one who earned money. Louise gave birth to 3 sons, all were lazy as their father. When school mate met Louise, she started to cry and talk about her failed life. 

20 years later her niece Catherine was student . Also pretty and talented girl, she was studying law. Catherine had this family inheritance, stubborn character and wild nature. Her boyfriends were all the same, hooligans and bad ass guys. But, Catherine did not follow example of his aunt Louise. Her mother always talked her about Louise and her destiny. She used to say : “Don’t finish as Louise. You will work whole your life for some scumbag and even worse, if you will have kids, they will have the same gene. At the end, Catherine had fun with all that guys, but when it comes time to get marry, she listened mother’s advice. She got marry for man with aspirations, who was successful businessman. 

If you learn on other’s mistakes, results are next:

You know the story and you can get different point.

You know where was the problem.

You are winner in this dead race.

You are spared of troubles.

When someone warned you about bad situation, this is battle with instructions. You know the enemy, you got weapons, now only your skills will decide about the result. If you can’t play good with good cards, you are loser. It is not necessary that you repeat mistake which was already done. You think that is not the same, so you will go at bottom together with your forerunner? That is suicide. You remind on man who jumps from the highest building, and hope that he will not hit  with his head on the concrete structure. 

If you think that life always go with instructions, you are wrong. 

Sometimes, your fake friends will try to win over your back. Did you ever had friend who asked you to help her with choice of job, friends or even partner? “Tell me which friend is good. Which guy is good for me, can you tell me? What kind of job is good for me, can you help me?” Some people ask for nanny, to teach them how to avoid thorns and pick up roses. You are stupid if you go with bloody hands just to make safe ground for other person. 

Mistakes in love are so painful. 

If we could only know how will our story end, we would spare ourselves of troubles. Well, sometimes, some signs will tell you that someone before you passed something similar. That scenario already happened. Now you can use that script for your sake. Be wise and learn. These kind of deja vu mistakes happened to someone who can’t fix it. You can do it if you can read between lines.