4 illusions about happiness



“I wish to be happy. ” How many times you said or heard this request? Happiness is follower of power, so when we are happy we can reach impossible goals. Simply, this wind in back is motivator, and we are safe, whatever we do, it will be in right direction.

Here is big catch. Many people are lazy and comfortable, so they can’t recognize happiness as reward in the end of hard work or as crown of pain. So, you wish to avoid obstacles and just grab your happiness? 

Close your eyes and think about misleads, how much your perception about happiness is wrong.

You would never believe that this elements are indeed basic of happiness.


This is situation where you try hard, and something is always on your way. Obstacles are here, and someone will always steal carpet under your feet. You will fall and fall.


You had loss. You lost job, friends, love. Still, you don’t realize that is part of future happiness.

Lack of justice.

Your neighbor is rich, and he doesn’t deserve this? Why not you? Because you did not finish your task.


Every happy person had some defeats in his life. Famous people should be born under lucky star, but facts show different. Remember, Einstein had bad mark in maths. Bill Gates did not finished formal education. Marilyn Monroe never got Oscar.


You hate your rivals, but they are more useful than friends. Why? Because critics will move you forward, not compliments. The best coach for happiness is person who underestimate you. You need to stay awake, and compliments will make you sleepy.

People will mix happiness with superstition, and some will believe that only chosen one will reach happiness.

The most often misleads about happiness are about sources. Happiness is not market, especially not for sale.Happiness is state of mind, and if you can’t be happy with yourself, other things will not make you happy. An opposite, you will bring bad luck.

What people think? 

Money will bring you happiness.

Maybe you are rich, but bad investment will make you poor. I know man who got big inheritance and he spent all on betting.

Your lover will bring you happiness.

If you give your partner so big burden, you will judge him if he makes you cry. 

Your religion will make you happy.

If you expect from God to make you happy, you are wrong. Your religion must come from the heart, God is not here to please you.

Your children will make you happy.

Children are the biggest wealth, but you are here to guide them. If you have no sober and health mind, you are bad role model.

The biggest fault of all people who expect gift of happiness is in their approach. They wait Granny with cookies. That is syndrome when person doesn’t want to do nothing to change situation. That person just expect ring on door, and someone will great news. “Oh, you won on the lottery!” “Dear, you are love of my life. Come here, i will make you happy. “

If you don’t see word “work” in your perception of happiness, you live in illusion. You might feel nice on your cloud, but jump at ground will be fatal for you. Don’t break your bones. Don’t say “i am cursed”, because that is result of your thinking.


Bad romance

Clint and Isabel were walking on the beach in summer evening. They knew each other about one month, and Clint hold her hand to pick moment for his crucial words. That words were : ” I want to have sex with you.” Isabel was disappointed but she did not wanted to spoil evening, and she replied: “I thought it will be special and romantic moment when our souls and body will connect into one. ” Clint said: ” You can see moon and the stars, and now let’s fuck.” 

In this example is very easy to recognize a jerk. As much Clint was rude or ruthless, he said honestly what he wants, even he forgot good manners. When men want to have sex with some women, they will use more sophisticated ways to enter in your private area, and it is not easy to make difference between jerk and gentleman.

Here is the list of pranks which men use to have sex with women.

Promises about serious relation or even marriage. If you will sleep with me, i am yours forever.

Break the ice. That is old trick, when man say ” i think we will not be so tense after sex”, he is rushing situation. He wants to collect more women as trophies.

You are so special for me that i must make love with you immediately. You attract me too much. If woman is so special, man will afraid not to hurt her on a way to put her under pressure.

I will show you how much i love you this night. I will do amazing things to your body. 

Hot night full of passion is not guaranteed for deep feelings. What he says or do after this is more important.

I think that you don’t like me or don’t love me as you said, otherwise you would sleep with me.

Emotional blackmail is powerful weapon. Now you feel guilty, bad bitch doesn’t want to give him what he wish.

I want to forget my ex girlfriend and until we don’t do sex, i still think about her.

Memories are nasty thing, but you don’t want to be his upgraded lover. 

Relation is mutual decision, as everything else what exist between you and your boyfriend. If you feel you are ready to make love, you will do this because you decided this with your own brain. If you feel that you have no trust in him, if you are not ready, beware of his persistent actions. How would he feel that you force him every day to visit your parents and to have lunch with them? That is situation when you might feel unpleasant. It is not matter about time, love is not calculator. If you are ready after one week, one month or one year is not important, basic thing is state of your mind and heart. Otherwise, you could feel as you are in mislead. 

Which are wrong reasons to have sex?

You were under stress because of important exam or situation at work so you slept with this guy.

He was persistent, he was begging you so you slept with him.

You wanted to make your best friend jealous, it was her ex boyfriend, and she was always so cocky that she deserved lesson.

You are last virgin in your circle of friends. Now, you are not anymore, they will not make jokes about your purity anymore.

You wanted to show your friends or parents that you are mature. One step to your maturity was that you make sex with stranger.

Your boyfriend wanted to split relation with you. Now, you offered him sex, he accepted so he will not leave you.

No matter if you use sex as tool of manipulation, guilt or self confidence, that reasons are wrong way to get someone’s heart. 

Now, what jerk from the beginning of this story said? He shown to his girlfriend moon and stars at the summer beach so he expected his paycheck. The same is with every woman who use sex on different purpose, and neither of that purposes is not love. Women also expect paycheck after hot night, not in a form of money, more they wish to be safe from frauds.

If you are sure in his love, that safety will come spontaneously. You will not put yourself in position to ask, search, beg or force. He will call you and you will make plans with him together. In this story, sex is crown of love, not kind of crime trial. Who is guilty, guy who told you lies, or you who were naive? 

In real love this question is not necessary.

Emotional intelligence

Your relations are so fragile and they break after few weeks? Love doesn’t live here anymore? If you are unhappy in love, you will be interested to find a causer.

Some of my friends had various suggestions, what could be wrong in their private life.

Someone put spell on me, or evil eye. I feel this.”

” My ex cursed me. He said i will never be happy in love anymore.”

“I think that is God’s will. God hates me.”

“This is because i did not give coins to Gypsy. She brought me bad luck.”

“I think i always pick wrong guys, i am too good with them. Maybe i am too easy to get?”

When someone says to you that you have lack of emotional intelligence or you did not use it, that sounds offensive. Indeed, emotional intelligence is key of love relations. How we can explain that some people have good relations, and other’s are in problems or they are always alone?

Psychologist Daniel Goleman talks about five components of emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness – the ability to know one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.

Self-regulation – involves controlling or redirecting one’s disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.

Social skillmanaging relationships to move people in the desired direction

Empathyconsidering other people’s feelings especially when making decisions

Motivationbeing driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.

We can compare two friends, Susan and Linda, in their love adventures. They had many dates with various guys with different results. 

Susan liked to date with so called bad guys. Playboys, liars, guys with files at police, local gang members or at least someone who was once wounded in street fight, that was her choice. She was always surprised why she can’t keep relation for a long time. Everyone of them left her mark . When last boyfriend pushed her at door , her nose was bleeding. So this was moment to think about, how to deal with her private life?

On other hand, Linda picked normal boyfriends. For Susan it was boring choice, but Linda ended her relation on painless way. She would simply get cold , it was no excitement in her life and nothing shake her heart. Once Linda changed her strategy and accepted to date with Gregory. He was hot temper , but her calmness had good influence on him. They agreed very well. Susan was surprised, how could he choose girl as Linda, when she was too peaceful for him. Gregory was tired of drama and Linda picked good moment to appear in his life.

It will be amused fact that some people can be successful at work , great friends and cooperators, but they are fools in love relations.

Simon is dentist, he works at private clinic and his customers are full of compliments for him. In love areas, Simon is retarded. He is too possessive, skimpy and selfish. Also, he pick always too young woman for dating. He has 45, and his women are about 20-25 years old. Simply, as he says, he like fresh meat. This young girls always leave him, because they are not ready for marriage.

Love is not so simply as it looks. Recognize right moment or create own opportunity. Also, you must be aware when to let it go. Don’t stuck too long in relation without future. So when someone says “you are foolish to let this girl go”, that is not insult. That is more alert, that you did not use emotional intelligence.

Brothers by depression


Grumpy person is not desirable friend. It is normal to be moody, but people who are constantly sad, angry or depressed are not welcome. If you pass hard time, you will wish to be in company with someone who can make you smile. Cheerful friend will lift you up, and your situation will look better.

Imagine that you wait results of important exam or job interview. You would like to have someone beside you, to lean on. The last what you need is demoralization. If your friend is there, and if you hear something like : “Competition is tough, and your chances are small”, this person is not good support. Also, if you wait result of surgery, and your close family member is in the hospital, you don’t need pessimistic person near you. It would be like song of owl, creepy and undesirable.

Friends will share everything, but friendship is never equal, in sense that two friends live the same life. There is always balance, as on swing. Someone will be more happy, other will pass hard time, but if you are good friend, you will give support no matter what happens.

When you are dealing  with grumpy friend, stages of your friendship are next:

1. “That is life. Shit happens. You are not only one.”

2. ” This time you had luck, but next time will be worse.”

3. “The same happened to me, we are just not privileged by destiny.”

4. “It was not fair, you are not in my skin. Life is more fair to you.”

5. “I don’t want to talk with you more. You can’t understand why i am crying, otherwise you would cry with me.”

If your friend is normal person with sense for reality, it will be different.

1. “I know that is hard, but you can do it.”

2. “You solved much bigger problems than this.”

3. “I made this, so you can do it too. Just be calm and patient.”

4. “Even if you don’t get it, there is always another chance.”

5. “After dark night is always dawn. “

Elaine and Tamara were best friends until both were single. They had few unhappy relations, and they were reliance to each other. When Elaine found Frank, things changed. Frank was not as her former boyfriends, and he really cared about Elaine. Tamara hated him on first sight. She did not want to feel alone, because Elaine was not sad person, as before. Tamara was black crow, and she talked like this : “For sure he is the same as others. He is just pretending . You will see, he will cheat you and he will leave you. ” It did not happened, and Tamara felt as Elaine betrayed her, because they were not so close as before. Elaine explained that she wanted to be happy, and Tamara would spoil her mood every time. Tamara gone so far that she provoked Frank, when they all met together in coffee bar. She forced Elaine to chose, and Elaine chose her boyfriend.

Brother or sister by depression is worse than enemy. When someone dislike you, that person will show you this on open way. Such kind of friend will tell you, i know what is the best for you. Grumpy friend considers you as partner in sadness. Why don’t you sing owl song with him or her? Such person will drag you to the bottom. For healthy friendship, you need to be able to show good mood, even you are not happy in the moment. At least, don’t spoil happiness to others. Give your congrats and support, and hug your friend because she make her dream true. You will be next, and then you will need someone to share your joy.

Couples for example

Have you ever heard these words from your partner: “Look at them, they do everything together. Why you can’t be like him/her?”  If your answer is yes, your partner failed in trap. Do we need to ask role models for own relation in other couples? Who are exemplary couples?

Norman and Elisa are married for a many years. He is 20 years older than she, and she is boss in that relation. She decide where to travel, what kind of furniture to buy for flat and how to educate their children. Her sister Martha admires to her, because she is in different kind of marriage. Martha’s husband is stubborn, it is impossible to deal with him for housework and conflicts is necessary. Martha often says to him: “Why you can’t be as Norman? He is perfect husband. ” 

If you compare your partner with others, you are going on wrong path. Why to give him frustrations or tips to be someone else? He is different husband but you are also different wife. If you could see through others marriages, you would see many bad things under curtain. Norman is not so perfect husband, because he likes to drink. When his wife is not at home, he take his bottle of vodka, which was hidden in basement. Then he enjoys by himself, without her knowledge about this. When she is here, he will do everything for her. 

If you like to go on double dates, you will hear many questions and they will compete or compare with you and your partner.

List of  the most often questions:


“When you two have plan to get married? “

“Will you have kids soon?”

“Why you have only one kid?”

“Is your son good student? Mine is excellent, he graduated last year. “

“Why you don’t move in bigger flat?” “Why you don’t live in house?”

If you think that exemplary couples are worried about you, or that they care, you are wrong. Mostly, they wish to be better than you. They will brag about their salaries, kids and other benefits, to hide their trash.If they ask you for info about your kids, they wish to hear about problems. So, then they are not alone. They don’t want to hear about good things, they wish to hear about troubles, because troubles are excellent for advises. So, then they can be smart. “Well, dear, i saw that your daughter was hitchhiking. O my gosh, that is dangerous. Please tell her not to do this again. Did you read black chronic? That was awful case…”

We know why we chose your husband or wife, and the worst you can do is listen others. Frank is excellent example. Once his friends made joke about his fatty wife Melinda. They laughed in front of him, and that was rude indeed. Frank did not joke with them, he just said : “Well yes she is fatty, but that is my wife. So no need to discuss about this. “

When we met with our friends, to make gossips about our partners, we need to hold their sides. After all, nobody is perfect. Exemplary couples are just actors in their story. They can divorce, and everyone will wonder, why that happened. They were perfect role models. And they don’t exist anymore.

Story about bullying


That girl comes to the classroom and on her chair was a snail. Mostly others were laughing because she almost sit on it. The other day someone stole her notebook with homework and she had hard time to explain teacher where she lost it.

During few months, bullying repeated on all possible ways. She was indeed different, quiet but smart and she read books which others did not even heard about it. Marcel Proust, Jean Paul Sartre and Albert Camus were her favorite writers, and other children avoided them as cholera.

Girl had problems with public appearance, her voice would tremble,  hands were shaking and it was big joke for all who watched her in her environment. Soon, in her small city was a rumor that she became from the devil, that she is not normal and that she needs to go to shrink. Even though girl was normal, just society was sick, she was in minority. It was the age of social changes in Eastern Europe and teachers had theory that we all are equal. There was no time for stupidities, as for example to talk with children about their depressions and internal issues. What, depression is illusion of capitalism society, and here is battle for survival, we must think how to work and earn, we have no understanding for any childish fears.

It was very wrong because this school in small city was heaven for bullying. Guys started to touch and beat that girl , once they plucked her hair, and then she went to headmaster. Lucky, headmaster was woman with other ideas so she punished guys in classroom. 

Until the end of elementary school that girl had problems. She had headaches and she went to doctor on examination. Her EEG result was not good and doctor asked does someone hit her into head. It was classical example of child abuse and mockery, but nobody suggested therapist, because in ex Yugoslavia this was unknown term, something as magician with rabbit in hat. She got some vitamins and silence.

Time has passed  and she was happy when all this ended. She got opportunity to study in another city. Her wounds has healed, but she never forgot what bullies did to her. They invited her to prom for 10 anniversary but she pretend she did not see envelope with invitation, just she put that in garbage box.


Bullying is not a childish game, not a joke , and for sure it is not funny. It starts with teasing and ends with scarves, later such person can have big problems in private life and at work, because nobody helped her when was a time. 


Signs of bullying:

insults about physical look

– stealing things 

– touching, pinching without approval

– humiliation in public

– making group, associated with aim to abuse particular person

Also, bully can be girl or boy, there is no difference. It is enough that bully has support and power from others, and party can start. 

Turn around , maybe such bully is near you, and you did not pay attention. Next time it would happen to your daughter or son, and if someone consider it as joke, it will not be funny for you.

Transparent happiness



Streets are full of couples who are kissing and cuddling in front of others. Go in tram or bus and there are also love birds who expose their feelings to everyone. Smile reveals happiness. Or not? What you see is only show for publicity, and if you could scratch under surface, you would find some not so nice details of their love story.

When Marco and Olivia were dating, they used to go in local pub, in their best edition. Olivia was in red dress and high heels, and Marco in leather jacket and dark sunny glasses. It was impossible not to notice them, especially because Marco would open door, take chair for his girlfriend and with charming smile he would pass her to sit first. Then he would ask for a waiter to bring them expensive drink, and usually he paid with big tips. Everyone was envious, especially girls, because he was very handsome, and she was glamorous and noble.  One day two best friends, Beth and Sally were in the middle of gossip. That favorite couple came and Beth start to whisper : “Do you know i have his number? We had flirt last Saturday, in his car. ” Sally said this was impossible, but Beth shown his number, saved in cell phone. Beth said also : “It is not all my dear. He is cheating her a long time ago. I am surprised that you don’t know this. No wonder, she is so artificial. He is with her because she is rich and popular. “

Some couples are expert in hiding their real story. I had neighbors who were fighting every night, their voices had echo, and they trade not so nice words. He was idiot and she was pig, in this arguments they did not make compliments. For publicity, they were honey and bunny. She and he were walking together with smiles on face, holding their hands and whispering as nobody exist, except them.

What is under so called perfect love stories?

Nobody is perfect, so arguments and mistakes are part of love. That is not a sin and couples who can pass over conflicts are usually long lasting couples, they grow with their burden and experience. 

But, sometimes couples may hide not so nice secret.

They are together, but they cheat each other.

They are together because of unsolved financial problems.

They are together because of children.

They are together because he or she doesn’t want divorce.

Happiness is sometimes as transparent bag. Nice package on first sight, but when you look deep inside, there is dust. Maybe you can see even rat. Couples will try to hide their problems because of reputation, status or they care too much what will other people think about them.

Happiness is fragile when you build this on fragile basic. Like house of glass, until someone or something doesn’t break windows, it will last with deadline.