The emotional intelligence

Your relations are so fragile and they break after few weeks? Love doesn’t live here anymore? If you are unhappy in love, you will be interested to find a cause.

Some of my friends had various suggestions, what could be wrong in their private life.

Someone put spell on me, or evil eye. I feel this.”

” My excused me. He said I will never be happy in love anymore.”

“I think that is God’s will. God hates me.”

“This is because I did not give coins to Gypsy. She brought me bad luck.”

“I think I always pick wrong guys, I am too good with them. Maybe I am too easy to get?”

When someone says to you that you have lack of emotional intelligence or you did not use it, that sounds offensive. Indeed, emotional intelligence is key to love relations. How can we explain that some people have good relations, and other’s are in problems or they are always alone?

Psychologist Daniel Goleman talks about five components of emotional intelligence:

Self-awareness – the ability to know one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values, and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.

Self-regulation – involves controlling or redirecting one’s disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.

Social skillmanaging relationships to move people in the desired direction

Empathyconsidering other people’s feelings especially when making decisions

Motivationbeing driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.

We can compare two friends, Susan and Linda, in their love adventures. They had many dates with various guys with different results. 

Susan liked to date with so-called bad guys. Playboys, liars, guys with files at police, local gang members or at least someone who was once wounded in street fight, that was her choice. She was always surprised why she can’t keep relation for a long time. Every one of them left her mark. When the last boyfriend pushed her at door, her nose was bleeding. So this was a moment to think about, how to deal with her private life?

On another hand, Linda picked normal boyfriends. For Susan, it was a boring choice, but Linda ended her relation on the painless way. She would simply get cold, it was no excitement in her life and nothing shake her heart. Once Linda changed her strategy and accepted to date with Gregory. He was hot temper, but her calmness had a good influence on him. They agreed very well. Susan was surprised, how could he choose a girl as Linda, when she was too peaceful for him. Gregory was tired of drama and Linda picked a good moment to appear in his life.

It will be amusing fact that some people can be successful at work, great friends and cooperators, but they are fools in love relations.

Simon is a dentist, he works at the private clinic and his customers are full of compliments for him. In love areas, Simon is retarded. He is too possessive, skimpy and selfish. Also, he picks always too young woman for dating. He has 45, and his women are about 20-25 years old. Simply, as he says, he like fresh meat. This young girl always leaves him, because they are not ready for marriage.

Love is not so simple as it looks. Recognize right moment or create own opportunity. Also, you must be aware when to let it go. Don’t stick too long in relation to future. So when someone says “you are foolish to let this girl go”, that is not insulting. That is more alert, that you did not use emotional intelligence.


4 thoughts on “The emotional intelligence

  1. You know you have found love when holding them close in a simple hug soothes your soul and the scent of them feels like coming home…and they show they feel the same. And this is from someone who has kissed a lot of frogs in her many years 🙂

    Women fall too often for the excitement of the bad boy or think they can save a man from himself when he has had a difficult life. Sometimes it works I grant you but often it just leaves that woman with the fear of the ‘key in the door’ and the excitement which was once so tantalising soon turns to feelings of being trapped in a never ending cycle. If they think they are in love then it can be life destroying and wrapped up with feelings of guilt, fear and failure when they think of leaving him.

    Don’t fool yourself in thinking ‘I love him so much and if I show that enough/lose weight/keep quiet/do what he asks then he will be good to me and I will save him’! Love is a two way process and it doesn’t change personalities, it enhances them…for the good when it is right and sometimes the bad when it isn’t.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Know yourself, learn to accept and love yourself as you are, do the things that you love and then it won’t be ‘necessary’ a man or a woman by your side, it will be an election from your side!

    Liked by 1 person

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