Shadow mate

 

If you think about life as a gift, this will be special envelope addressed to you. It means, you will open this and try to make something from awesome elements. You will find lovers, friends, job and try to live this life with full lungs. 

“This is my life.” When you say this, you protect your rights to live as you wish. Maybe you are poor, promiscuous, in conflict with all around you, but this life you chose. There is nothing so exciting as freedom of your beliefs and thoughts. 

Sometimes, we can notice different people, who like to talk about others , but not about themselves. They live through other lives. Imagine situation when you walk around, and someone is following you. This person will do the same what you do and go anywhere with you. This is your shadow mate.

Which are symptoms of life in shadow?

Person talk as she or he. “She was here with this guy. ” “He was buying apples when she came.”

Person is angry , not because of own reasons. Person is angry because of something what other did.

If you know someone who like to gossip, this is real example of shadow mate. This person is source because all what she do is digging into other lives.

Person is obsessed. You can’t persuade her in anything different.

Look around yourself, you will see many shadow mates. This woman who works in office next to yours, she know the time when you come at work , that you will get late. She knows all about your clothes and shoes, that you wear something out of dress code. She knows that you did not put makeup yesterday and that your boss was yelling at you.

This old man who is staring from his window knows all about your lovers, he saw that you were drunk last Saturday and that you fall on the stairs. 

Local postman knows were you went to vacation and that your cat get lost in unknown direction. Yes, he heard about this, how can you hide something from him?

What is common to those people?

Once they had life which occupied them. Something happened, maybe his wife died, or her husband get divorce from her. Maybe she got nervous breakdown. Now they sop all info about others, to feed their brain. If they dig something bad, this is more good for them. They heal their internal frustrations with others misery. 

Your shadow mate lives with you in community. No, you did not accept him. He is your label, your stamp. Whatever you do, he will know about this. 

You have choices, don’t care too much and live as shadow mate doesn’t exist. Indeed, he exist only as your follower. His real life vanished a long time ago.

An eye for an eye

 

One statement about vengeance is: “an eye for an eye”  based on The Code of Hammurabi , from the age of Babylon. In this background is injustice, wrong act which someone did, and that person deserves punishment. If you steal, authorities will order to cut your fingers.

We are witnesses of many hard life situations, when we were damaged or hurt. The worst part is, guilty person will get out without scratch , because life is not fair. For a comfort, people like to believe that karma will do good work , but this is slow and maybe it will never happen. 

In this case, people will support revenge as right act, because culprit must pay his bill, otherwise he will do it again.

If you don’t support forgiveness, if you can’t forget , than you will justify revenge as good way to fight back to get your paycheck. 

In this case, you need smart plan, because once when you take a sword, this sword can turn against you.

 

13428481_10153827612971633_1046518735934851700_n

How to make good revenge?

Be silent and quiet in your plans.

If you can’t alone, choose good cooperator.

Don’t brag later about this.

Don’t go against law, because you will get caught. You just need justice, not slaughter.

Don’t sit on two chairs. Be careful which side you will choose. 

Don’t change your mind, to feel sorry for your victim. Once when you are in it, there is no return.

Here are two examples of good revenges.

Paul was manual worker, he was working in night shift and he wanted to sleep daily, in peaceful atmosphere. His neighbor Dwight was playing guitar and Paul warned him not to do this in the time when he is sleeping. Dwight was deaf on all alerts, and he continued. Paul noticed his motorbike in the hallway, and waited time when Dwight will not be at home. He put large amount of sugar in motor bin. So, when Dwight wanted to ride his motorbike, it did not work out. He was nervous and he could not solve this problem without artisan, so it cost him money. He never realized that Paul did this, and when other neighbors called police because of noise he did, he was enemy number one for his street. 

Caroline was voluntary worker at the court. Her boss was woman, a judge who was very demanding, and Caroline had treatment as slave. When she left, after one year of work experience, judge asked her phone number if she will need anything from her. After few months she called her on that number, because Caroline went to work in another city, this time for salary. She wanted from Caroline to collect some info about her client who lived also in that city. Caroline send her messages with this content : ” i am sorry, wrong number” and blocked her future calls. 

“An eye for an eye” could be updated nowadays as ” everything is coming back”. It is not necessary to hurt some physically to learn him lesson. Sophisticated ways are more effective.

There are also some ways which are not revenge in classical sense, but it will hurt your opponent.

Move on, close the door. It kills ego of person who hurt you.

Ignore.

Be happy and smile. 

Make success in your life. 

Walk away without notification. 

Whatever you think about vengeance, and whatever you decide, the main point is to make yourself happy. Happiness can’t exist until you have burden on your back or thorn in your heart. Release yourself from this, and believe that nobody is spared of troubles. Next time their heart will bleed, and you will be in the other movie.

Midlife crises

 


6bad4-preuzmi

The best period of life is youth. Time is passing by very quickly, and if we don’t gain what we wanted there is space for emptiness. It is like mosaic, one cube is missing. Now you are old man or old woman, and when you turn around yourself what you can see?

Or here is something what you missed, but not behind you, this is forward you?

Hugh Hefner for sure could be role model of many men who wanted to be playboys, but for some reasons it could not work. All this beautiful sexy ladies around him, and he needs only to pick . Many men dream about harem, because it is boring to have one woman for a lifetime. I bet male fantasies will include young and beautiful women, kind and sweet, without many questions, ready to realize hidden men wishes. 

So, what is with average old man, retired, who has no money for beautiful young women? He can only look around or make fool of yourself. For example, Samuel is old and ready for retirement. He has an awful habit to kiss all women at his work , he will always find an excuse that someone has birthday, that he is wonderful friend or simply hungry for attention. Secretly, he sent an email to young women next door. When she got old fashioned postcard on email, she told him that he is old fool. He was offended, but lucky she did not tell her boyfriend, otherwise Samuel would be retired much faster than he thought. 

The same is with some old women. Once when children gone, when grandchildren don’t take care of her and husband is dead or sick, some women made profile at internet pages. You don’t believe? At Facebook you can see many fake pages, photos with young women and under that is old granny who is sad or bored with her life. She want fresh meat or just one guy who will listen to her. One mature woman in fifties can fool young naive guys around, because she is master. She can be serious obstacle even to young girls because she know how to give attention to inexperienced, lonely boys who never had girlfriend and who are afraid to approach girls in their ages. 

Or she can even open profile with male photo to make confusion around. But, in opposite to men strategy, old women will more pretend. She will play role of friend or mother, ready to help with advices and to be in service. That are consequences of midlife crises. When people lose path, aim and purpose. When they have wishes, but they don’t have future. 

 

CmHgp3_UkAUlDLK

Every phase in life is filled with troubles. 

When you are young, people will not get you serious. If you are mature without children and partner, people will sorry for you. When you are old, people will consider you as burden. But everything depends on person. 

Especially old men and old women should have a large amount of dignity and self respect. They should know what is decent, normal and suitable for their ages. At the end, they are role models for next generations, so their inheritance should not be some fake page or erotic email. 

Guy on loan

Thinking about your ex can ruin your day. There are some inspirational thoughts as “karma works out ” or “everything is coming back” related to this subject. If you think that he will get what he deserves i am afraid that you are a bit idealist. Not everyone pays bills in love and some of your ex’s will live happily even after, with pretty wife and cute kids, until you still haven’t found what you are looking for. So living in state of bitterness might slow you down. 

What is one of big mistakes which women do is to wait their ex until he changes mind. That kind of women hold guys on loan. What does it mean? Shortly, i will illustrate this with statement of girl i knew a long time ago, when she struggled for her relation.

Girl X said this:

“I don’t care if he cheats me. He always come back to me, i always stay. These girls, he hides them in his car, but with me he is going by the sea, in his apartment. They are just temporary, and then he cries and beg me to forgive him. “

When women give guy rights to have instant affairs, they are not wise as they think. Let him this once, what will stop him to do this again? I understand you if you have kids and you don’t want to lose their father, so you decided for desperate moves. Maybe it works out for you, but for sure you paid price to sleepless nights and your face looks as big question. Ask yourself, would he let you to do this to him, with some other guy?

When you lend your partner to other women, be ready on next situation:

He will make love with her.

He will take her on your favorite places, so all what you passed with him, she will make dirty. 

He will share with her some confident info. Later she can use it against you.

He might fall in love in her, you never know what can happen between them.

He might compare her and you and bring decision that she is the piece in his life which misses.

Every woman who let other woman to involve in her life is a gambler. In this situation, you might win if that is short affair which will finish before it started properly. If you stop this progress on time, your partner will feel guilt and his conscience will warn him. Well, if you pretend that you don’t care, this playground is empty. Nobody’s land is not anymore your land so guy on loan is available and free.

Another thing, even if you cross over his affair, you will remember his betrayal. Imagine that you get opportunity for cheating, would you cheat your partner too? In this case, if you are betrayed, you are not obligate to be loyal to him.

These days i am reading about possible reunion in relation of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. She hold his back during divorce with Amber Heard and now she comforts him. Did he deserved this? After all, he was the one who wanted twice younger woman and abandoned his family. I would not support him later, i would make salt on his wound. Especially, he has beaten his wife Amber, and even if she manipulated with him, he is the one who caused mess.

When you gave your guy on loan, he will not return in same shape. He will be different because that other woman took away some pieces of his heart. Remember this if you decide on experiment. This is as you gave your dress to fatty friend, and she returns in with stains and ripped buttons. 

Intervenor

 

Conflicts are not desirable, but life is impossible without it. Lot of things came out on surface when we get angry or if someone provokes us. If you stay out of conflict, your rival can understand this as sign of fear or weakness. If you spread claws for everything, this is also not good because people can label you as hooligan.

People with short fuse are somehow addicted to fights and they will wait moment to jump into argument. Few words and fists are ready for battle. Croatian tennis player Goran Ivanišević was famous as person with short fuse, one wrong word of referee and he would lose nerves. So if conflict is something what you can’t avoid, and it bothers you, there is no other choice.

What happens when we invade in other’s conflicts? 

Shall we be sentry person for fights, someone who is professional intervenor in everything what is burning around?



Imagine that you have friend and someone attack him or her. What will you do? 

There are few choices.

Stay out of this.

Help your friend.

Don’t interfere on direct way, give your advice from background.

Someone will say : “I would do everything for my friends. I would die for them. ” Before you introduce yourself as hero, check out is this smart. Would you hurt yourself to help your friend? Are you sure that your friend deserve this? Are you sure that one day he will do the same for you? 

Imagine situation where husband beats his wife, and you are neighbor who watch this. I know the case where neighbor hero involved into this fight and woman reported him to police. Why he touched her husband who kick her into nose? That is personal thing. And what if she stays without her nose, but this is her beloved husband. In this case, poor neighbor felt as shit. 

Friends are not always people who think the same


We might have different friend circle. Ok, i love person A, but i don’t like person B who is her friend, and i will not blame her if she likes person B. This is her choice. As long she doesn’t do secret conspiracy against me, i don’t care who are her friends. I think many friendships would be past if we would pay attention of everyone’s choice. This world is not big brotherhood. Respect me enough not to gossip me in the front of other friends, and i give you choice. I accept you as you are, even i don’t like girl who drink coffee with you.

Now, there is situation where unknown intervener try to help you in your conflict. This is as in prison, someone offers you his protection. 

Why someone would like to help me, even i see him first time in my life?

Few options:

Person wants something for return. Sex, money or another favor.

Person hates someone who attacked me. So this is personal.

Person likes to act as hero. Big ego needs new food.

One night was unlucky for Robin. She lost her way home, in unknown city. Her friends left her after big argument and gone with their car. Alex offered her help, to drive her home. In the middle of this journey, Alex stopped his car and tried to kiss her. She went out and runaway. 

There are very small number of people who will help you without any reason. So let’s assume that they exist. I would feel as debtor. And i would return them favor, even they don’t ask. Because that is me, i have feeling of duty and responsibility.

Passengers

 

Yesterday we were close friends, today we are enemies. Shit happens, and life is creator of dramas and tragedies because human nature is variable. Some people will turn you back, no matter if they were friends, lovers, even members of your family. Some of us simply can’t stay firm and stable in their choices and decisions and life will push them on other side, side against us.

Amelia and Clara were good friends in childhood. Amelia was sensitive, and Clara was sharp, and she often underestimated Amelia , she loved to play mother role with her. Amelia loved Clara, she saw leader in her, and she was her follower. With years, Amelia start to feel that something is not alright and that Clara is more rival than friend, so she talked with her about her behavior. Clara thought that Amelia can’t understand her jokes and nothing changed. Later Amelia found new friends and openly said to Clara that she doesn’t enjoy in her company anymore. This was not the end. Amelia left with decent words, she wrote letter to Clara. Few weeks later Amelia received phone call. It was male voice, and he said : “Listen bitch. Do you think you can hurt people without paycheck? I will follow you and i will smack your hypocrite face. ” It was disturbing and Amelia cried from shock, so she even invited her cousin to go with her out. She did not see nobody around her, and for few days she realized that was a threat. Clara hired her male friend to call Amelia on the phone, she could not stand that little mouse Amelia broke their friendship. It was her way to revenge.

Real faces of so called friends will show up in the time of crises and conflicts. If someone can’t accept the fact that you cut of him from your life, you can expect anything. Revenge, gossips or anger, that are reactions of people who can’t stand denials or defeat.

When someone is leaving from your life, don’t hold the door locked. Don’t follow this person if you ever respected and loved him. Sometimes we can’t save relation, no matter is this friendship or love. But, we can save our pride and memories. Do you wish that your friend remember you as an asshole? I had experiences with people who did not want to be part of my life anymore. I let them go where they feel better. There is no sense that i beg someone for loyalty, respect and attention. 

People will leave from various reasons:


Sometimes they are jealous or envious, they can’t follow your step. 


Sometimes they will not understand that you are so busy and that you can’t focus on them.


Also, priorities are changing, and they will find another friends and interests. 


Some people are not born as stable. 

 

They can’t be on one place, with one person, and they can’t hold basic relations. They are in pass, as passengers in your journey. Take the best of them and let them go. 

When someone can’t follow you anymore in your journey, set him free. Nothing is worse than person who is still in your life, but because of wrong reason as condolence and fear.

Sound of forgiveness

I forgive you – that sounds nice. Suddenly, you are fragile person , ready to forgive other’s mistakes. Also you are merciful and you don’t remember bad things. The main question is, to whom you will forgive?

Who are people who will have more credits from you, and when you will say enough?

At first sight you will forgive to your husband, mother or sister because they made your life bitter from time to time. Family is important and blood is not water. When stranger acted bad toward you, will you have the same standards? I don’t think so.

We accept people in our life because friendship is precious value, and to share things with people is much better than to stand alone. Sometimes, people will use our affection on bad way. Trust is not place without bottom, so it will come the day when you will lose patience. You will cut of this person from your life, because he abused your confidence.

How to behave with new people in our life?

They must earn trust step by step.

If they are not ready to give and they just take, be cautious what you share with them.

Don’t give them benefits until you are not sure in their loyalty.

Absolutely, random person which i met in the street is worthy of my greetings, but i would not do favors for him or her because we are not close friends.That girl i met before few months, but she cannot compare with my sister. I can forgive my sister if she said something wrong, but if my new friend treat me on bad way, i will not have nerves for this. I don’t owe nothing to people who were bad on first sight , because is shown them in their real light. 

Especially sensitive area in forgiveness is at work. We work with people which we mostly don’t chose. If you have private firm and chose your business partner that is your responsibility so for sure your standards will be different. 

What when your roommate at work do something bad to you, will you forgive?

It depends of next elements:

How big is damage which person made.

Is it possible to remove consequences or to correct mistakes.

Will you have guarantee that it won’t happen again.

When you reject to forgive, you can expect that person will play role of victim and you will be considered as bad one. In this case, stand by your attitude.

Selena reported her roommate Jane  for smoking because she warned her many times not to do this during work time , in their common office. Jane stopped with this bad habit but she is now silent and they don’t talk anymore. Selena heard from people that Jane blamed her for bad atmosphere at workplace, even Selena tried to talk about problem.

Marcus cheated his girlfriend and she rejected to forgive him, because she felt hurt and embarrassed. Now Marcus blame her for being cold  toward him.

Forgiveness is wheel which is spinning in many directions. Everyone will think, we deserve forgiveness, we are people from flash and blood. 

The truth is, we must earn respect and loyalty first , then we can ask for forgiveness. That is simply background of good relation. 

When  person  offers you only empty promise “i will not do it again”, this is not enough.

Male pigs – frustrated woman’s theory

 

I never liked people who change their attitude like socks. Depends on situation, new trends or something third, attitude of such people will modify in something more cool or acceptable. Another reason is, they just wish to update others by their wishes, and offer themselves as the best example. 

When some women change marital status, they act like preachers. If they get marry, others will be shit, unworthy of any chance. If they get divorce, others will be old fashioned, totally out and dependable on men. That is typical attitude for woman who changes skin as snake, and who seeks for understanding and attention, because she can’t deal with situation alone.

Rebecca is passing hard divorce. She was married for a years, she has daughter, and husband cheated her. Even everyone knew that Rebecca adored her husband, now her words are full of bitterness. She provoked young colleague at work who recently got married. “Wow, you still believe in this institution. You are romantic fool. ” Everybody remember how Rebecca talked about her husband until all was perfect. Every her sentence started and finished with him. “My husband this. My husband that. He is so cool and so smart. Why you are still single, you need a man. ” Now she uses words as male pigs and spoiled jerks. 

I noticed new wave of women in my generation. They got married in twenties and now they are divorced. The same always asked me about my status while i was single and they were surprised what i am waiting for. Now i see all these women on social networks, they hide their marital status as snake her legs, and they put old photographs to pull some attention. Now i see their covered wrinkles under makeup and hanging breasts on photos, how they try to impress younger guys. Where are husband now, where they hide them? Some of them are divorced and they back in the game. Others are getting bored in their marriages. Now, they have different philosophy. 

“It is so hard to be in marriage. The same guy, who is always in front of television. He has fat belly , he is not handsome as before. I can’t make love with him. I want something fresh. Oh, never get rush in marriage. I gave him my best years and look at me now. “

Does it mean, is it wrong to get marry young? When you give all your life in early twenties to one person, later you might regret. All your peers who are having fun are in some music festivals, and you are at home with baby in your arms and mother behind your back, who advises you how to bake a cake. Will you be bitter woman as Rebecca? Or you will think that you are doing something really cool if you sign papers for divorce? Will you keep this for yourself or invite other women to follow your example?

It is true, that woman who get marry in elder years will have more experience. She is more mature and more tired of everything. She is not thirsty of adventures. She knows to appreciate her partner more than young girl.  Maybe you were aware how serious marriage is, even you were young. This will show with years. If you appreciate your husband, you will put status on social networks that everyone knows about you. You will not hide under fake photos or your photos from prom night. Also, you will not flirt with young guys who can be your sons. 

I understand that some women want to get back into age of their youth, when they were desirable chicks, and men were crazy about them. Husband might doesn’t show interests anymore. Well, if you think that young guy on internet will replace your husband, you are wrong. They ask some fun, pleasure and games, and you will be victim again, but this time your bill will be expensive. Disgrace, shame and bad reputation are only intro into divorce. 

Does it really matters to be in kind of twisted trend? Women who are disappointed will try to spread anti men virus, but it helps to nobody. 

Why you can’t lose your faith in men, even after they hurt you?

You will not recognize good guy if you talk bad about all men.

Good guy will not recognize you because you are always grumpy. 

Good guy will run out from woman who want to crucify all men, for the sake of feminism.

You will ruin good relationship because you can’t forget old wounds.

The important fact is, life is full of failures. Men will probably cheat you, hurt you or make you disappointed. Also, men will make you happy, desirable and beautiful. That is balance between marriage and divorce, between taken and single, and you decide which path will prevail. After you make your decision, don’t preach to others what is the best for them. Don’t say that you are so cool cause you are getting divorce. Or that you are so smart because you decided to get marry. Broad statements are dangerous because they limit our options. For sure, we don’t have to justify why we choose somebody, we will live with that person. At the end, if you don’t pay my bills or i don’t sleep with you, who are you to tell me what to do with my life?

The price of reputation

13502140_1621028411541870_6760341480007690194_n

Good rumors are travelling fast, but bad rumors travelling even faster. Scandals will sell newspapers. Gossips will make your free time interesting, as more juicy, that’s better.

Reputation is our invisible coat. We wear our reputation around us, but sometimes we are not conscious how much damage we can have from own acts. We did something randomly  and consequences are here, the one which we did not expect.

Josephine was educated girl. She had only few exams until graduating on the Faculty of Law. She was closed in her room whole afternoon to study for an important exam in spring. Her parents were proud of her persistence. During summer she started to go out more and she met Frank in the nightclub. He approached her on standard way.

– I think i met you before.

– Maybe in past life? – Josephine said ironic.

– No, in future life. So i will need your phone number.

Josephine was also inexperienced girl. She knew much about law and rules, but less about life traps. She crashed in Frank very soon. When her mother saw his noisy car in front of building, she became suspicious. Soon she got info that Frank has criminal file and that he spent few months in jail because of small robbery. He was cooperator in robbing drugstore and he went out from jail just because he snitched his mate.

– Well girl with this guy you will not go too far. Be careful with whom you are dating. If you want to work as lawyer, of course.

Josephine did not listen her mother because Frank was charming, caring and she lost virginity with him very soon. But, when she waited his next call, whole week passed and phone was quiet. Then she found out that he cheated her with waitress , girl who worked in his favorite night club. Her heart broke but also she had fight with Frank. At the end, he throw her from his car and she was hitchhiking on the way home.

That girl swallowed her bitter pill. Her reputation was not so clean anymore. People saw her with Frank and she was somehow labelled. It was small city and people knew about each other all unpleasant details. Damage was done, but Josephine cleaned this mess for few months when she graduated.

People are not always fair and merciful accord other’s mistakes. If you have bad reputation it will be obstacle that you get something what you really want. There is a line between desires and life plans. You want to put two different things in one box, but sometimes it is impossible. Ambitious girl, future lawyer wanted to date with criminal. They came from various circles. He could drag her into big problems but she escaped on time.

Sometimes, we will use Libra. What is the best for us? Let’s be selfish a little. What you wish the most? Who is obstacle on your way? So then you need to cut it off.

Maybe you will think that we need to forgive and forget. If we have too soft heart, someone will take an advantage. Leave this because you will be abandoned or hurt.

Your reputation has price. Think about how much you will sacrifice for your own sake.

Happiness in your wallet

16 - 1 (14)

Do you feel lucky? That would be famous  Dirty Harry’s words when he is in the action.  

Luck is symbol of addiction if you gamble. In casino, when people want to make their day the main challenge is roulette or slot machines. This is not Las Vegas, in my city is just small gambling hall with few waitresses and free candies on the desk. In fact, candies are expensive when you lose money on gambling. It won’t stop you to try and if you win something, bunch of tramps will surround you to please their curiosity. Gambling is still taboo there, by meaning that only people with psychological problems go in casino. No matter do you have debts or you just have fun, somehow people will stare at you as you are an alien, especially if you are woman. As i saw in one western movie : “only bad girls gamble and drink. “

I hate crowd and when nervous jerk sits near me. That old man hit his machine like it will spit money. I wonder what security do here, just standing? I can’t focus on mine game, he is almost screaming why he lost. Who knows, maybe he spent last money. In every casino are warnings about that addiction, invitation for special help if you need, for those who lose everything. Still, i see many people in retirement who wants to push luck. If you want to have fun and if you have self control, go ahead.

 

You might be player on tournament and try to win the highest score. Ladies have special treatment in some occasions. Free tickets, free drinks for those who are first time there, will you try? This kind of addiction cannot ruin your health as nicotine or alcohol, but it can make you obsessed. When you want more and more and you cannot stop. When you owe money to many people and some of them are not in so good mood and they are waiting in the corner to get their money on some other ways. If you depend on lucky star, you are in trouble. If that is just your hobby, hope you have control over your money.

Lovely waitress will invite you to free drink, personal stuff will explain you rules and you are guest in the world of fantasy. Do you play role of winner or loser, it depends on you. Happiness is in your wallet, or you get out with empty pockets.