Your house of cards


When you live in the cloud of expectations, you will expose yourself to disappointments. In your mind is a scale, top list of things which you expect from some people. When they don’t bring you what you wished for,  result is depression.

Expectation is background of hope. What is indeed hope? That is transparent spider net of dreams. One little touch of reality and it will break. So if you live from expectations, it means you forgot the other side of life, real one.

Megan met this guy Nathan in the club, he drove her home while she was drunk. He cared for her until she was vomit, and she saw savior in him. Next time her best friend was also drunk, and he drove her home. Megan did not expect that Nathan will care for her friend, she thought she had exclusively right for his care. She felt sting of jealousy when Nathan called her friend next morning to check is she alright. Soon she realized that Nathan is kind of saint who like to help people, but he is not ready for serious relation. At the first sight, he was perfect choice, but as relation developed, she was more and more disappointed.

Problem is in our visions. If they are big, it is not guarantee that results will be big too. You started to work at this job, and all were kind to you, your colleagues helped you to fit in, but later some of them turned you back. Why this happens? Seems you expected too much.

Where are basic mistakes in expectations?

All is good at the beginning. Wait for some time, you will see that is not gold all what is shining.

Things are not black and white. Just because person looks as angel, it doesn’t mean she will bring magic in your life. 

Too much optimism is not good. Look at the other side of things.

Don’t rush because you will not see problems in your situation. When you realize, it will be too late.

Don’t compare yourself to others. Just because someone got rich from investment in stock, it doesn’t mean you will get the same.

When you not expect, you will see blank paper in front of you. You did not draw vision of success, because you don’t know what will happen. Have you seen opportunity on your way? Grab this and this spontaneous act will be better than failed expectation. 

Your house of cards is not safe shelter. Someone can take off carpet under your feet and then you are again at the beginning. If you are fighter, that is not problem for you, to go back in the same movie.

Our expectations should be in the harmony with situation. That means, more realistic. You know that boss position is not for you immediately, but you will work on this. Also, you know that guy will not propose you after one month of dating, but you will tell him what you wish from relation.

People split because of confusion , when expectations of two partners are not the same.

He wanted adventure, she wanted relation.

She wanted big house, he wanted to live in the small flat.

She wanted children, he doesn’t want to be a father.

When person is young, expectations are more delusional. Teenagers will build towers in the air and lack of experience will bring them fake hopes. Did anyone asked you : “But what you expected my dear? You expected too much, don’t fly without wings.”

When someone is disappointed , he used to say : ” I think i expected too much from you.” This person wish that you feel guilty, because he gave you trust. 

Expectation offers unclear picture. What you see and what you get are two different things. Hilda wanted to be successful manager but she got work in civil service and bad boss who drink her blood every day. Her job is not even close to vision from movies, where sexy business women run in fancy suits and rule with big companies. Hilda brings coffee to her old boss and imagine her death every morning.

Expectation is  delusional bitch. She will offer you roses, but this roses are full of thorns. Be careful not to hurt your fingers. Hold this carefully so maybe you will feel smell of this rose one day.


Popularity is not always “in”


It is easy to love someone who spreads good mood around, who is everybody’s friend  and in generally popular person. It is like Shakira said : “I always wanted to have many friends, but never expected so much  people.” She got about 87 million likes at Facebook page. Who would not love such beautiful and talented woman, who has approach to people on her unique way, and her love is famous footballer Gerard Pique’?

Who is our favorite person and friend, the one who is close to our heart or the one who is adored by the crowd? Also, we can ask another question, if we are so popular that everyone adores us, how much of that friends and supporters are real?

People like to follow majority because in herd they feel safe. It is an idea from stone age, when the strongest leader was man with huge cleaver and big appearance. Women knew that he will protect them, and he was  role model for other men. He was an example how someone should behave in the case of trouble. 


What happens when our role models are not so much popular people? 

We are victims of judgment. “Oh you listen that death metal music. So creepy.”

Others start to avoid us. “You are friend of that Joe, i heard he left school. Nobody likes him.”

We are considered as outsiders. “I don’t know how you can follow this girl. This will make damage to you also. I will not invite you on my birthday party.”

Majority will create big common sense and general mind. If you agree with us, you are our member. If you disagree, there is an exit. We are majority and you are just rebellious outsider, so don’t make mess with us.

During history, we will remember people who followed Hitler, Gadafi, Saddam Hussein and many other dictators, because their power was based on fear. Once when they got weapon in their hands, army supported them and crowd was on their side. They are proof that crowd is not always right, an opposite, it could be very dangerous to follow majority when they go into wrong direction.

Don’t let anyone to push their standards as role model. You maybe don’t like Shakira music, you will listen Linkin Park or some other music band. You are not savage and primitive if you have different taste. You just want to stay out of “in” things. 

It is easy to love the most beautiful girl in your school. Don’t forget this girl with glasses, who sits in the corner in library with book, and nobody get notice her. She is worthy of attention too, even she is not so favorite.

Some people are not likable. Maybe they are grumpy, hot tempered or not so pretty. Maybe they simply don’t want to enter in everybody’s ass. It doesn’t mean that you can’t find treasure inside of them. It is enough that you listen them sometimes and pay attention. Only superficial person will never notice real diamond behind her. Until we are so busy to chase popular friends, real one will escape in unknown direction.

Kill me with your irony

Do you know those kind of people who are always silent, but somehow they cause troubles? Also, you must be familiar with people who are so sensitive that they express their feelings by tears and crying, even for banal reasons?

When troubles are on the way, it is important to find roots. Fish stinks from head, but who cooked that poisoned meal? The oldest game between humans is playing role of victim. This skill is spreading in every areas of society, so we will find thousand so called victims at school, work or in love relations.

Typical words of every “victim” are:

“It is not my fault. They made me to do this.”

” Everyone is against me.”

“They used me.”

” I did everything for her, but she is simply devil.”

” I am surrounded by bad people.”

” I am loving and kind person and everyone hurts me. Always.”

On first sight, you would consider victim as female. You are wrong, because victim has no gender. Some men will also very easy dress skin of victim, because that fits in their image.

If man is immature, irresponsible or spoiled, he will use female weapon to turn situation on his side. He can get compassion by his female friends , because he is so touchy and fragile, so nobody should hurt him.

That was Henry. He broke relation with Melissa, and everybody pity for him. Accord his story, Melissa was bad woman who seduced him and fooled him. She cheated him and after all she left. Henry’s mother was terrified by her, because Melissa was not sweet lady. She was straight forward, she did not even tried to change opinion by herself.  At first sight, people believed to Henry, but it was other side of this story. Henry was lazy and addicted to his mother. Every day she called him on the phone, to check his son, is he hungry, healthy or does he needs anything. Melissa got bored so she started to go out with her friends, because Henry was not fan of parties, it was too noisy for him. Melissa did not cheat him even she had chance, but her conscience did not let her to act different. Henry’s mother even offended Melissa but she never talked about this in front of Henry. Not to mention, Henry was skimpy, and in one year of relation Melissa did not get any gift from him. 

People use to crucify on cross those who are not so perfect, accord rules of society. 

If you have long tongue, if you speak honest, if you are sometimes ironic or you use sarcasm, you are perfect candidate to be enemy number one. Victims are sweet, soft, quiet and usually they agree with everybody. There is a point, so this kind of victims will usually make silent and hidden plans, how to dig grave for their competition. When all will be done, they will make innocent face and ask “What happened?”. Usually, they will kill you with their smile.

What happens when you burst from emotions?


Heart and reason are in a endless, inexhaustible conflict when it comes to love, and that is particularly emphasized when it comes to an inappropriate choice. Sometimes we can see from a distance that a particular person is not good for us, yet we cannot get them out of our head because they are anchored in the deepest corner of the brain and they refuse to get out, they turned into an unwanted tenant who does not pay the rent but who stubbornly refuses to get out. Speaking with popular language, it is what one calls the unfortunate love.

Many of us are the victims of the wrong choice, without even being aware of it. If this were the betting place, one should calculate the odds each time one of us starts with a problematic guy. Let’s think a little, what are the chances that a relationship with someone who lives very far away from us will succeed, or with someone who is ten years younger, who tends to be unfaithful or who is a criminal, or with the lazy loser depending on his parents’ directives? Unfortunately, the problem is that some persons have an amazing talent for self-promotion. Therefore we cannot see hundred faults by a certain bastard because he packed it all into a big charming smile, he is so humorous and so amazing in bed. Once we are trapped, it is late. Then we become a victim of our own emotional masochism and only then we can see where the limits of our patience are. In other words, what occurs is the already well known symbiosis between the sadist and masochist. Not a single sadist would survive a day if he weren’t fed by the masochist and therefore given the reason to his existence. Sadist is cold, he has a huge power of control, an enormous ego and a pallet of selfish demands. If the masochist asks for something, he is labeled as aggressive and whiny monster that only nags and cannot face the partner’s problems. Manipulations in it s original form. Then we are stuck in limbo because we are actually facing two choices. We can either stay with the sadist and pay the price of life in such a community, or simply leave and suffer since he ‘was the one and we will never find someone like him again.’

What really happens when a person is too emotional? She becomes an easy target for all those who can manipulate emotions, she becomes a vampire’s target. Tell her that you love her and that you’ll do anything for her, be passionate in bed and the girl with emotions is all yours. As a matter of fact, you will never get rid of her. It is precisely for this reason that there is a difference between the teenage relationships and those where the protagonists are two grown-up. It is easy to be crazy, unstable and nicely spontaneous when you are at the age when parents take care of your existence, think for you and advise you,  and all you have to do is play the music loud when something doesn’t suit you or cry with the bottle of beer over the weekend. However, when you are working and when you must bring decisions on your own, when you are holding the reins of your life, then the emotional vampire is not a good choice anymore. Imagine that you are working on an important project that requires concentration, and you found your husband at home with a young neighbor, and then the image of it haunts you at the business meeting. Of course, it is all life, we are not vaccinated against the unpleasant surprises, however, some situations can nevertheless be avoided.

A relationship between the sadist and the masochist functions well in teenage age because girls then like having a street thug around. Later, they will turn away their heads from those and then those same guys will say that they turned into whores since they found someone with more class and with a thicker wallet. Some of us grew up and learnt our lesson. Emotions are not always a virtue. They can become a dangerous enemy when it comes to a choice of a partner, if the emotions are the only guidance. Grandmas would say ‘listen  to your heart’, but heart needs a compass. One needs to be able to read the signs that imply whether a certain relationship will succeed or not. If we closed our eyes over something that was important,  that warning comes back lated like a boomerang when our friend gives us an I-told-you-so.

Love is like measles, the older the person gets, it’s going to be more difficult for her to get over the break-up. It’s true, it’s not the same when the teen-age girl cries over the heartbreaking hits by Justin Bieber because of her failed relationship or when a forthy-year-old woman suffers because she failed to keep the man of her life. While the adolescent sufferings are instructive and cute, a middle-age crisis provokes at least sorrow and mocking. Those are the masochists who do not learn from their mistakes, who do not learn that the married guys do not leave their wives just like that,  that the aggressive guy and a cheater cannot become a man of our dreams with the help of a magic wand and that mom might be a woman of his life.

Therefore, if we really learnt that the ragamuffin from our neighborhood has never been a marriage material and that the married colleague from work is not worthy of our tears, then we’re making progress. Each step forwards opens the new world full of beautiful surprises. It is up to us whether we will lock ourselves in the zone of masochism and prepare the package of handkerchiefs or travel to a new unknown destination.

Deja vu romance


When one relation comes to the end, couples are in pieces. Here is much anger, rage, sadness, frustrations. Wounds are fresh and one of the way to heal this could be sex with ex partner.

That moment is bomb with clock, because you never know what will happen after this.

If you ask women about sex with ex partner, their impressions are based on feelings. Women are very fragile when they lose lover , and sometimes they think that great sex will bring him back. If this would be true, then prostitutes and porno stars would never have breakups. 

Girl A said: “I think after night with me he will come back. His present girlfriend is really wood in bed.”

Girl B said: “I will refresh his memories and he will get it, what he lost indeed. I know his sensitive spots and i will reactivate them.”

Girl C said: “I went to his house in his favourite underwear, black panties and bra. I think he will call me soon.”

Sex is manipulative weapon, but it doesn’t mean that you can solve love problems with expert skills in the bed. You will make situation more subjective, your view will be based on passion and soon all will be the same, if you don’t talk about things which ruined your relation.

Men will see great chances in sex with ex girlfriends, but from other reasons.

Some of them are:

– So, i don’t have to bother with dinner or flowers, i don’t need to wait her for a month. We were in relation so we can sex first night after we drink coffee together.

– I don’t have obligation toward her. We broke once. So we can relax and forget reality for a while.

–  She excites me and i will not have problems with erection, she knows me, i don’t have to pretend. She is safe ground.

When you try to get close with ex partner, deja vu syndrome is at the door. Yes, once he hurted you. Once you had fight. Now you are again in the same movie with same actors, even you could predict the end. 

You wish different end and you think sex will help you?

Some advices:

Extend the game. Talk with him, don’t let him to get close with you so fast. You will have time to see situation clearly, and he will do more efforts to get you.

Try to found out his present status. Don’t let him do rush with things, because later he will jump out to other woman and you will stay broken. If he is still single, invite him to some nice places, find common interest, watch movie with him or go to take a walk on the beach.

Don’t remind him on past problems. Soon he will runaway, because it will remind him why he left away.

It is always good to watch both side of this problem, think about how much you can lose, and is your heart enough strong to survive possible damage. 

It takes two for a dance, so if he is sitting , don’t dance alone.

I defined my path, i know what i wish


I wish this so badly. Did you ever think like that? I did. Million times i convinced myself, when i burn from desire for something, or even someone, it won’t happen. Why? Because i block circle for realization. I am hot temper and i wish many things quick, fast, right now. In this rush i forget that i do mistakes which cost me.

Then i tried another way. I slept over my wish, i forgot this. I focused on other things. So, while i am washing dishes, reading, or listening music, i don’t think on my aim. I don’t think at all, because i wish to live in present moment. I mean, how many times you experienced this? When you walk on the street and you slip on straight road and fall, because you were thinking on future, or your eyes saw vision of your plan. Are we blind, or sleepwalkers, while we are living our present life? My mother asked me once: “Did you ever listen to me, or you are sleeping with open eyes? Are you here?”

I could be angry on injustice cause someone else got something what i wanted. Well, maybe that person was more calm. Maybe she did not expected, or she just waited her five minutes. Maybe she even did not care.

Unfilled wishes are causers of jealousy and envy. I want something what she owe, or i want something what is even forbidden to me.

That is how i can explain why persons i never wanted in my life followed me or try to get close with me. They felt my energy, that i don’t care, but also i felt an opposite feeling, that i aware of them, i dislike them. That is also emotion, while you try to get rid of someone, he will follow you as shadow.

I made break. I let go something what wasn’t work. I am ready even to give up from my dream, which stuck somewhere, because of unknown reasons. I am not loser in this case, i just ask right path for my vision. This path is not inspired by force. Somehow, i think, there must be way for me to get what i wish. This path is inspired by observing, following, searching.

Also i cut all who had bad influence on me. Doubters, mockers, negative people. Their logic was, if i can’t do it, for sure you can’t too.

Sometimes i am alone in my attitude, but that gives me oxygen and space for breathing. Now i see my dream, maybe not more close, but more clear. I can give my definition of success, what i indeed want, what kind of success is right for me. This is my illumination, my revelation, my message.

Two faced friendship



Perfect idea about  friendship is big circle where are all people connected together. They hold their hands and dance around the world. That is far from truth and reality.

If you say that you pick your friends and that you are not friend of everybody, people will consider you as pretentious, cocky or even rude person. Someone wants to be your friend, you reject him and that person will be hurt.

Real friendship is just this, elimination of fake intentions. See this situation.

Anita was new girl in neighborhood. She wanted to fit in but she did not know how. Soon, Petra saw her chance to include this girl in her circle. Petra was kind of leader, rich girl who organised every party and it was matter of popularity if you are invited in her house. Her friendship had price, so first she was nice and kind, she lend clothes to her girls, she helped them to find guys for dating and everybody thought about her as perfect friend. Petra wanted something to return. She invited Anita, but for few days she asked her gold necklace. She would wear this on birthday, because it would suit on her dress perfectly. Anita denied this because it was gift from her granny . From that day, Petra eliminate her. She did everything to avoid her, and to break every contact in her neighborhood. The main aim was, isolate Anita from society.

What is hypocrisy in friendship? 

Things you never should do:

buy friends with expensive gifts or money

– give them terms to borrow you things, if they deny, they are your enemies

– consider people as best friends on the first sight, even you don’t know them

– make them as slaves or tools in your plans 

– manipulate  or blackmail them if they don’t act accord your wishes

So, people could say that Petra was friend of everybody, so generous, sweet and ready to help. She did it with purpose. She was using friends and later she would gossip them under their back. Anita was honest, she did not want to accept everyone as friend, but her intentions were pure. 

Problem with hypocrisy exists because some people are superficial. They will rather accept sweet words even that is not real and from the heart, than to accept honesty or truth. Person who refuses your friendship’s offer will be nasty, and others who accept you, even they have hidden purpose, will be labelled as good ones.

Which are wrong reasons to make friendships:

because your friend is rich

– he or she has parents with powerful influence in business circles

– that girl knows all handsome guys

– that guy has fast car and he can drive you everywhere

– she is friend with guy you love, she can help you to catch him

– he is popular and everybody like him

Smart person will see transparent intentions and it will be exposed.

Why you want to be friend with me? Who sent you? Who talked about me? Give me one good reason. The same things happen in social networks. Someone sent you request, ask you for hangout and you are best friends? It doesn’t work like that. Personal questions about your privacy are also not welcomed on first sight. You are not in police station that you should answer how old are you, are you married or other delicate things.

Friendship is seed which can grow in beautiful flower if you treat this properly. Or it can fade from the start.