I wish this so badly. Did you ever think like that? I did. Million times i convinced myself, when i burn from desire for something, or even someone, it won’t happen. Why? Because i block circle for realization. I am hot temper and i wish many things quick, fast, right now. In this rush i forget that i do mistakes which cost me.
Then i tried another way. I slept over my wish, i forgot this. I focused on other things. So, while i am washing dishes, reading, or listening music, i don’t think on my aim. I don’t think at all, because i wish to live in present moment. I mean, how many times you experienced this? When you walk on the street and you slip on straight road and fall, because you were thinking on future, or your eyes saw vision of your plan. Are we blind, or sleepwalkers, while we are living our present life? My mother asked me once: “Did you ever listen to me, or you are sleeping with open eyes? Are you here?”
I could be angry on injustice cause someone else got something what i wanted. Well, maybe that person was more calm. Maybe she did not expected, or she just waited her five minutes. Maybe she even did not care.
Unfilled wishes are causers of jealousy and envy. I want something what she owe, or i want something what is even forbidden to me.
That is how i can explain why persons i never wanted in my life followed me or try to get close with me. They felt my energy, that i don’t care, but also i felt an opposite feeling, that i aware of them, i dislike them. That is also emotion, while you try to get rid of someone, he will follow you as shadow.
I made break. I let go something what wasn’t work. I am ready even to give up from my dream, which stuck somewhere, because of unknown reasons. I am not loser in this case, i just ask right path for my vision. This path is not inspired by force. Somehow, i think, there must be way for me to get what i wish. This path is inspired by observing, following, searching.
Also i cut all who had bad influence on me. Doubters, mockers, negative people. Their logic was, if i can’t do it, for sure you can’t too.
Sometimes i am alone in my attitude, but that gives me oxygen and space for breathing. Now i see my dream, maybe not more close, but more clear. I can give my definition of success, what i indeed want, what kind of success is right for me. This is my illumination, my revelation, my message.