Halftime – do you know how to relax?

It was lunch time and Louise sat in business restaurant to eat something. She wanted empty table but luck was not on her side. Two man in suits sit near her. She was witness of their conversation. “Really Paul, how my secretary lost this file, it was amazing? All important notes are there. I will send her into hell. My phone is ringing whole day. ”  The other man said : “The same happened to me. I wonder why such stupid people work in office, my secretary cannot remember few phone numbers. “

Louise had rolling eyes and when they both went out, she felt more air around her. After lunch she called her best friend, and phone talk was next : “Oh dear nice to hear you. My day was awful. Boring clients annoyed me even during lunch. My meeting also went wrong. We could not agree about anything.” Wherever Louise wanted to relax, around her were busy people. Daily routine and hard work swallowed them as crocodile their victims.

When you found yourself in circle of workaholic people, you wish to escape. We all need money and we are full of daily obligations and duties, but why to exaggerate with this, to involve our work problems in every space in your life?

How to distract your mind from tense day at work?

Listen music.

Smile and search for a good joke. 

Talk about optimistic things, not about daily news, or problems with boss.

Walk in lunch pause.

Call someone who makes you happy.

Some people are without balance. Something made them nervous so they will try to get rid of this burden by talking about work. If you travel by bus, train or tram, you will see full image of such people. After working day is over, they still talk about problems even everyone of them have big headache. This work is in their blood and they turn into monsters with washed brains.

Situations where is not suitable to talk about work.

Funerals. Show respect to someone who died.

Birthday party, weddings. Don’t spoil happy moments to person who celebrate.

Weekend nights, in night club. People want to relax and have fun, the last thing they need is talking about work.

Cinema. If you watch movie, and boring persons around you start to talk about their day at office.

During your dates. If you want to impress him or her, don’t talk about your last problems at work, how your boss made mobbing or how you lost chance for promotion.

Workaholic people in relaxing time are favorite as nerds in school days. People will say : “Oh, here is Brad. He will again talk about his last case , how he helped lady to get health insurance back. Let’s run. He was born without turn off button.”

Life is a battery, and if we don’t use halftime to refill energy, we will shut down without alert. 

You have right to remain silent

When you have choice, you can pick what you wish because your hands are free and you are not influenced by others. You choose accord your principles and beliefs. That is very easy, because you know what is the best for you. What happens when you need to accept other choices, even you don’t like them? This question is measure of your tolerance. 

Every time when we meet new person, we are introduced with her personality. That person comes with package. That means, you will not accept in your life only beautiful girl with sweet smile. You will accept her beliefs together with her. You may not like her parents, relatives or friends. Also, you will be terrified with her political beliefs. You could be an atheist, and she is religious. You have different musical taste and enjoy in pop music, and she wants to go in opera to listen Chopin or Verdi. Differences will cause conflicts, and reactions will be various.

How to represent your choices in publicity?

Don’t push your beliefs forward others, don’t try to persuade them that you are right.

Never humiliate or underestimate your friend or partner, because they think different.

Don’t create conspiracy against others because they don’t support your beliefs.

Don’t use insults and don’t play dirty. Low kicks are just proof how far you can go in manifestation of your ego.

These days actual situation in internet is discussion about football. Mexico win in football match against Croatia and also i have some Mexican friends. I understand their happiness and i accept them as long they are nice with me. Everybody has right to celebrate their country and their culture and there is no doubt in this. Mature people will not follow negative emotions to show others that they are right.

Stand on ball and think about how your reactions talk about you, more than about subject you wish to talk. 

When kids are fighting, they will cry, yell or insult each other without limits, because they are kids. First level of maturity begins with acceptance of other choices. It doesn’t mean that you must follow majority and join to the crowd, as sheep in herd. That means diplomatic skills.

What happens when you fight against wall and you wish to promote your beliefs as general rules?

You will lose affection of your friends.

You may got nickname as dictator.

People will consider you as closed minded person, primitive or egomaniac.

Sarah was leader of international department in one firm. She could not stand that her employees are getting late, so she was punishing them for every minute when they did not come at time. She did not accept any apology from them, even if some women had children and they had obligation to go in kindergarten before work. Soon they made jokes from this and ordered Swiss watch for her birthday. Sarah was furious and next step was threat in email. She said that her employees must answer on every phone call otherwise they will get smaller salary. People asked her what will happen with that missed calls during their pause for smoking and toilet. Sarah lost her power for few months because she could not handle pressure. She could not accept that other people also have right on their opinion and their choices, even they were under her position at work.

If ego stands on your way, you may lose some interesting friendships, opportunities for love and chances for good job. Your best friend is liberal? Your nephew is gay? Can you accept this with tolerance?

If you can’t accept it now, you may meet with this in future. You are conservative, but your son and daughter could be liberal. Imagine Cher, her daughter changed gender. It was not easy, but as mother she accepted her decision. 

Your choices could change with time. Maybe you were rebellious in youth, and now you follow different rules. That will help you to accept other preferences, because you know advantages and failures of both sides. One thing is sure, if you accept person only because she thinks the same as you, in first conflict your friendship will break on pieces. 

Our choices define us and our relations with others. If you think that only you have right all the time, discussion has no sense.

At the end, your choice is your echo. What you choose it will come to you as reflection in the mirror. Don’t act as policeman with warrant :”You have right to be silent, and if you say something, we can use it against you.”

Fishy story :when your friends get involve with your lover

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Would you date with your best friend’s ex lover? Would you date with guy who is  her secret crush ? And the last question, would you date with her present partner, until she finds out?

Many women will be in shock and say no, how could i hurt my friend like this? On other hand, another group of woman will say “live once, and use every chance, btw it is not just my fault, for game takes two”.

Nothing cause more troubles in woman’s friendship zone than appearance of attractive man. Man who captures your eyes , who is charming and unfortunately, a womanizer. This kind a man knows very well his influence on woman’s heart and he will not care are you related with woman who is his target.

Classic story begins when two friends are going out in club and they have eyes on the same man. This man could play double game, because two is better than one, just to cuddle his ego. I remember when i was teenager, the same guy kissed my three friends, every Saturday was one girl, and i was last on the line. Later we were smiling on that, and one of us said : “Fuck such boyfriend, he is not worthy even to spit on him.” Not every story will finish like this, because envy, jealousy and old problems will open wounds and holes in your friendship. Sometimes, woman will date with your man just to show you the way, cause you were too perfect in her eyes, you got all what she wanted a long time ago, or just this mate poacher likes challenges, so why not to sleep with your man.

Who is guilty in this situation? Indeed, this game takes two.

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Real , valuable man will never do such things:

Flirt with your sister.

Flirt with your best friend.

Flirt with your boss at work.

Flirt with your neighbor.

You can’t give him chip and try to control every his step. Well, if you deal with man who likes everything what has pussy and two legs, then, i am afraid, you are dating with animal, not with human. How you will watch over him, every time when you introduce him to your friends, he will drool and ask you who is this sexy lady? You will stand and wish to strangle him or to kill your all female friends. No, that is not the way.

Second part of this problem is your friend, how much amount of loyalty and devotion she has.

I would doubt that she respects me in this case:

She date with my ex boyfriend without telling me.

She date with guy she knew i want him, without notify me.

She shares secrets with my partner and i have no idea about this.

She gossips me in front of my partner, ex lover or secret crush.

Before you spread poison, dear women, check is your female friend really responsible because your man wants her. Cupid arrows are clumsy, it will not hit target with reason, it comes from hormones. This is charm of forbidden love, because when you can’t love someone, you wish to love someone, this is secret ingredient of every spark in this chemistry.

So what to do when you lose game, when you must admit that your best friend run out together with your beloved guy?

Be proud and let it go. Also, you are not obligated to keep contact with any of them. If all reminds you on defeat, you can still win and walk away in silence. One day she can ask you forgiveness or he could try something new with you. Then, you just make a smile and say that you don’t believe in feelings out of deadline.

Problems under carpet

If you could live in bubbles, one touch would be enough to broke this circle. The same is with problems, most of us want that they vanish, just like that, if we move little finger. Facing with troubles is hard part, especially if we use denials, and pretend that our problems don’t exist at all.

Imagine that you have financial debts, but you still want to buy expensive purse , even you can’t afford this. You think that shopping will make you happy and it is true, for a moment you will be happy and after that your debts will be bigger. Sometimes, people are unhappy because of single status so they will create many internet profiles in hope to catch their soulmates. Indeed, they could collect bunch of fans, but emptiness inside will stay as thorn and heart will bleed anyway.

Where is magic formula , general rule for all problems? How to get out from dark circle?

1. detect your problem, admit yourself participation of trouble

2. be sharp to yourself , even truth is harmful

3. face it with this, even result can be defeat

4. repeat this personal struggle again, if it did not work first time

5. give up from old solutions and make new ideas

If you want to get in the place where you never been , you need to do things which you did not do before. Old patterns are faded solutions, and if you know this will not work out, save your time. 

Hilary was classic type of loser, and especially in private life. Guys did not get her serious, and she was crushed three years in Robin. He did not love her, but he used opportunity for casual sex because she was attractive and it was good food for his ego. That story was the same end, he was flirting with other girls, and after that , when he was in good mood, he would call Hilary again, because she was weak on him. She knew that he is making fool of her, but this relation was created as fairy tale in her head. Her mislead about Robin was next: “He is always coming back to me so for sure he loves me.” Indeed, girls were laughing to Hilary under her back, because Robin never invited her on classical date.

One day, after many tears, Hilary decided to finish with this. She was not angry and sad, she was simply cold toward him. It was something new for Robin, because he used to hysteria and nervous mood from this girl. This was dead silence, she simply did not answer on his calls. At the end they met on the street and she said that she found new boyfriend. There was no explanations, no long stories, just simply few words and smile. She walked away and left him with opened mouth.

If we have wrong perception about problems, if we expect that some high forces will solve this, we are wrong.

 

Three elements will make wrong view about our problem:

1. mislead

2. denial

3. guilt

So, you will deny that you have no problems with alcohol even you drink every weekend , also you live in mislead that it will not harm you. As result, here is guilt, because you blame unlucky destiny so alcohol will help you to feel better.

Avoiding problems looks easy, but even you turn back to them, sooner or later they will be forward you. You need to find root of this problem and destroy their center. Fish stinks from head, so cut this head before you make new plans.

Play off – how to protect your soulmate?

 

Love is human purpose and we search our soulmate to realize this. Every woman wish to find right one, and during searching she will cry, suffer and ask everyone why she is cursed and unhappy. On the other hand, that woman forgot that she is in the game and that searching is exciting. Just like in football championship, she is in first league and she is fighting for the title with competition. Women forget feeling of passion, adrenaline, electricity in blood, until they are changing partners in hope that between them is real one. 

Some women wish to stay always in the game, even when they get married. So, now here is perfect husband and kids, but that is already boring, let’s win another title. Somehow, women in forties wish to beat younger competition , as some old sport champions wish to fight young rivals. In this dangerous game, that women risk something valuable, just to taste fresh blood once again.

When woman decide that is time for play off, it has nothing to her ages. She could be ready with 25 or 42, but important is that she is ready inside. 

Some factors will have influence on this:

All ex lovers already got married.

Her female friends got married and have kids.

She found guy who is different than others and worthy of marriage.

She is tired of guys who only want to use her for one night.

Life is kind of sport. If you get chance to hit the ball into goal, do it. If you don’t do it, someone else will. Here is story about Monica. She found Paul,  handsome guy who was crazy about her. She was 30 and when he propose her , she accepted. One week before wedding, she prepared party for girls, and they bring her male stripper. Party was wild and full of drinks, and Monica slept with stripper, as her last craziness. Unfortunately, that stripper has mobile and recorded her to make video . Also, he was friend of her future husband. It was his gift, as the last check. When Paul found out, marriage was not option anymore. Monica was crying, but Paul gone with the wind.

When you turn around, you can see many stories about your ex lovers. You can meet them with kids and their wives. You can check their Facebook profiles with marriage status. Also , you can see difference in the way how they treated you and how they treat their spouses. Maybe you feel envy or jealousy, maybe you consider yourself as victim of unfair game. Don’t stick too long on this. 

Some women will be undecided, what to do when they got marriage proposal. Is that end, is that all? My neighbor said so funny thing when she talked about her husband. “I had so handsome boyfriend but he made fool of me. My husband, he is ugly, but i roll him over my finger. “

When woman thinks to stay in the game or to get out and take wedding ring, she must think about next:

Honor and respect comes with marriage.

Disrespect and betrayal comes with adventures and flirts.

Stability comes with marriage.

Changes are followers of flirts.

Loyalty comes with marriage. 

Easy going guys are flirty guys.

Of course, marriage is not perfect feature and every marriage can finish with divorce, with cheating or other problems. The point is, if someone loves you so much to propose you, you are special for him. It means he gives you trust, chance and confidence. When you are part of flirt, you are never only one. Sweet words, awesome sex and promises are alluring, but you share this with other women too. The most painful part is when you discover one day that you share your lover with your attractive friend. As an ice cream, flirty guy is available to everyone. Your husband is rare meal, and he is available only to you. This is your start. Marriage is good background , basic to build something permanent. You can’t build nothing from flirt , especially if guy is dating with more women. 

Play off in love is special story. Only for the best , the one who stayed with you when you did not expect this. Also, it is much easier get back into searching game, than to find guy for play off again. 

Hypocrizy on the way

When someone accepts you as you are, with your natural characteristics and principles, that person care about you. You don’t need to be perfect or different, all you need is just to be real you. It sounds very simple, but it is not easy to find person who will recognize real you. Life is full of situations when we will be forced to hide our real personality, at least until storm pass.

When we are playing roles?

At workplace. 


Every workplace has own rules and if you wish to fit in, your skills will be focused how to survive. You will learn fake smile, sweet words and smarmy behavior, even that is not real you. 

When someone introduce you to his parents and relatives. 


Now, you will be an actor. Can you tell to mother of your boyfriend that you changed guys as socks before you met her son? No, you can’t , so you will be innocent, kind flower who discovered life in the moment when you met him. 

In politician groups and circles. You want to be candidate on next elections? You wish that people vote for you? If you are hasty, aggressive and troublemaker, people will not trust you. But, why to tell the truth? Now you wear nice business suit so you can act role of gentleman.

At funerals.

Sometimes you will not be sad because someone died. Especially if that is your boss or mother in law, you will feel relief if they made your life bitter. What you will do? Cry and wipe fake tears, make sad face and give condolence to their families.

At business meetings. 

Now you are pretending that you are listening, that you are so fascinated with some ideas or projects. In fact, you can’t wait, when this will be finished? You will not say that you get bored. You will say that it was so useful meeting and then is time to ask questions, to show interest. 

Some situations are appropriate for playing roles. That is not hypocrisy, that is just survival. Your mask will protect your interest, but also on that way you are protecting others, you are not embarrassing them, and all are happy.

If you need to pretend in your free time, that is problem. You have special person in your life and she doesn’t like real you? Now you can’t reveal your real face, that mask will be with you forever. Maybe you need to die inside, for the sake of your partner. 

Problem in human nature is in expectations. It is nice to see happy and kind face , but truth is somewhere else. We can adopt some patterns of behavior for some occasions, but we are not robots, and this schedule will have failures. 

The key of happiness is in acceptance of others imperfections. Our kindness has limits, as our patience. Every person knows when is time to show real, naked truth, and when is time to hide this bomb. If we don’t have understanding, this bomb will explode in unexpected moment. Then everybody could ask, who are you and how they did not see this before. That hypocrisy was on their way, but they skipped over it.

Roommates from hell

 

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During life we are often in situation to share our privacy with someone else. Classmate in classroom. Roommate in dorm.  Office mate.

No, we did not choose that people. I chose my boyfriend and my friends, but i did not choose people who will go into college with me, who will work with me, or who will share room in dorm, because rent apartment is expensive.

If you are not reach man, you will be in situation to share your things and your privacy with people which you don’t like.  Somehow i understand homeless when they refuse help and safe shelter. If you are too big individualist, you will have problem with society and acceptance.

Few examples what you can get and how to solve.

1. toady roommatehe/she will confirm all what you say, being so kind that you will get sickness, and suddenly will ask to borrow your skirt or cell phone.

Say no immediately first time because you will fall into trap of victim role. How to refuse so sweet creature? You will have your shadow.

2. noisy roommatemake parties in dorm where all are invited, you will not sleep even you must get up early. If you have such person at office, buy earphones , he/she complain on work all the time. Otherwise you will listen reports and phone talks daily. Or just ignore and do something else, for example i am typing my email until my roommate has big speech.

3. paranoid roommatebohemian, all are against he/she, soon he/she will leave, this is not world for suffering, nobody understand their character. Explain them , world is not spinning around them.

 

4. roommate Casanova – all girls are in his company, all boys call her,  this kind of man seduced all woman at his workplace. You are in trap too, suddenly she/he will find perfect match for you. Tell them you are taken.

 

5. smokers if don’t  smoke, you are in trouble..because passionate smokers can be very selfish persons, space and air are place for their cigarette packs. Buy spray and let them move near open windows. Or let they buy electronic stick, stinky air is not around, and poison is stashed in their lungs.

The trouble with any kind of roommate, you usually don’t chose them. So in any case, you may forgive such things to your best friend or your lover or life partner, but not to randomly added person.

 

Life is as parking place. If you don’t go fast, someone else will take your place. So squeeze teeth and show your guts. You are not robot to follow other instructions. The stronger attitude you show, you will get more respect.

Hitchhiking guide

 

I know, alone girl in the road  will have label as tramp or loser. For sure that is understandable, who wants to drive with someone unknown in the backseat? And if you put thumbs up and sit in unknown car, you take a risk.

How many girls were victims of maniac because they enter in wrong car? Hitchhiking is a lottery game. You can get nice person who will bring you home safely, or maniac who will give you much troubles.

I was hitchhiker when i went to college. 4 years, from time to time i used to hitchhiking, to save money for bus and get home faster. Sometimes i had company of friends, sometimes not. I had guardian angel in this time. Also i had notepad in my head and i never got hurt, even unpleasant situations did not avoid me. 

So, imagine yourself that you are standing alone in the middle of the road, distance from your home is very big and you have no other choice than to stop car.

Here are some tips which can help :

1.  your clothes – no hard feelings, but if you wear leather jacket with chains, if you have earring on nose, chance that you will get into car are smaller. Who would take you without fear that you will not steal money or something valuable from the car, or even car ?

 And if you are wearing too short skirt, it is like you have title “take me for free”. So, wear something casual and decent, or take a coat to cover yourself.

 

2. white lies – every driver will ask you why are you alone and why are you hitchhiking. If you say that you are here every day you will be considered as someone without aim in your life. Just say “i late at bus”, “i stayed without drive licence for a month” or “i had deal with friend but he/she cancelled in last minute”. So you are here by coincidence, that is not your permanent situation.

 

3. choose your driver carefully – avoid trucks (often horny and drunk drivers), old cars (potential for car accident ), car with more than one person, if both are men ( in the case of trouble, it is easier with one person)

4. put your hand near door – if you need to go out in the case of trouble , let your fingers be close to exit

 

5. find excuse for go out – say you got sickness, you must pee, or have asthma attack

6. be calm but strong – possible maniac like to feed his ego with fear, so if you are crying he will be furious, and he can got mad more, say politely about consequences

 

7. choose open place – hitchhiking on main road is less dangerous than in some distanced village, if someone throw you out, you will easier find way home

 

8. take cell phone with full charged battery – never know when you will need it

Are we just slaves of our computers?

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During my 10 years at social networks, i noticed usual pattern . People are mostly lazy to read long posts because of various reasons.

They are busy with real life.

They are lost in bunch of many info on internet.

They prefer to read post of those who read their posts.

They prefer to comment post from people who try to please them. 

When i was in high school, reading books was stylish thing. People used to talk about Sartre, Proust and Dostojevski, instead of someone’s profiles as nowadays. Today, Dostojevski is guy you can google about. If someone read whole book , that is corny. When i put long status and expect deep thoughts, i got replies – have a nice day and hello.

It is not general statement and of course examples are always here. Well, what to say about girl with big boobs who will post thought about her too tight bra, and got 1000 likes? Then, someone will post about cancer and get silence. Someone will post about sense of life to get few comments from those who still wish to read.

We became to lazy to talk and too fast to make photos of everything. I had lunch, let me make photo of this meal. I was out of city, if i don’t post photo of awesome place, nobody will know that i was there.

How we became hypocrites and superficial society? Shall i change my style to post “hello”., “thanks” or “have a nice day” as my main thoughts?

An opposite to some guides, blogging is not business with pattern. This is state of mind and soul and only on this way is honest and various from usual greeting on the street. That is how you know that someone did not use spam and that computer by itself did not write those lines.

Candy man

If you are the one of women who likes younger men, you like challenges. People might stigmatize you as seductress or cougar , because you are going against wind of society. Recently i watched Facebook profile of Croatian model Vlaho Arbulić, who put photos with his girlfriend Tatjana Dragovic. She was married for famous tennis player Goran Ivanišević, and now she is in relation with handsome model Vlaho, who is much younger than she. One woman wrote nasty note under photo : “Young guy and old granny, it doesn’t fit together.”

I wonder, if this was opposite, if man had 50, and woman had 30, would people comment at the same way? Probably, women would say that he is mature man , financial independent and still able to have family, and she is woman who fits accord standards. Once, i heard so called advice from older man, who said to me : “man must be at least 10 years older than woman, because men grow up slow. ” I am the one of women who likes younger men, and all my ex boyfriends were younger, as my husband is also younger than me. So i heard a lot of comments, even one diagnostic sentence as “something is not alright with your personality”. Everything this made me smile, because love picks randomly, and when personalities fit together, there is no moral majority which might stop this.

If you are woman who likes younger men, your obstacles will be next:

His mother might not like you. 

His friends could make nasty comments, as “are you teaching him sex?”

Your female friends could be envious or mock you, if their attitude is traditional.

Younger competition is dangerous, so watch out younger girls who try to catch your man. They will be cruel and say ” you are too old for him, are you his mother maybe?”

You can back off if you are insecure, or you can use your advantages. 

You have experience and it makes you interesting for young guy. He will be proud cause he caught woman who still looks sexy . She is not obsessed by her look as some young girls and she can wear it with style.

You know how to pick clothes and makeup. You will not do teenage mistakes in choice of too short skirts, copy others because that is trendy, or to put lipstick which reminds on clown who came into your city. 

You have diplomatic skills. You know how to talk with his mother, as woman with woman. Young girls often don’t know how to respect boyfriend’s mother. You can’t tell him that his mother is a witch. 

You are financial independent . It means, he will not have problems to travel with you in other country , because you can share travel expenses. If you were 18, you would expect that man must pay you all. Be honest, men are not so fascinated to spend their money on girl who can’t give nothing for return.

You have job and there is no need to call him every moment or to check him. 

In this situation, women will face it with moment when they wish to marry. What if he is not ready because he thinks he is too young? Shall you wait for him?

Until you wait decision about marriage, think about next:

Don’t pressure him, it will make you desperate.

Say what you expect from him.

Don’t blackmail him, that you will find someone else. Instead of this, say that is all up to him and that you will respect his decision.

Let’s enter into mind of young man. He wish experience, his life is spinning in front of his eyes when he realize that he must settle down. That is double cross. He must take time, and think, what is more important for him? Bunch of young women who wait to take them into bed, or one special woman , in which he falls in love? Once when he miss that special woman, he could replace her with many others, but maybe he would regret. That is similar as shopping, you see that expensive purse and you wish to see others, but meanwhile someone bought your expensive purse and you can’t find it anymore.  The important is, young man must enter into marriage with clean head and firm attitude. Don’t let others to tell you what to do. For example, Max had many comments about Lana, older girlfriend of his friend Kyle. He said: “You will marry with her, could not you find younger?” When Max found girlfriend, she was younger, but uneducated and not so pretty. Kyle was too decent to comment , but grateful to see his wife, who had successful career and sexy appearance.

When people see something different, they comment from envy and jealousy. Grey person is never interesting, but all will notice something unusual. If you look behind lines, you can almost read: “Oh why her, but not me? She is my ages, and her husband is younger, and mine is older and fat. Lucky bitch.