Infidelity – this 6 causers motivate you to cheat?

Infidelity is double cross. Once when you admit it to best friend or someone you trust, you are good material for judging. It is very rarely to find person who will try to understand your reasons . Before that, you will be subject of preaching, fake morality and people will consider you as demon. I am not saying that cheating is something to approve, but before you judge or crucify such person, read between lines.
What are the most often reasons for infidelity?
Lack of passion.
Boredom and daily routine in long relations and marriage are killers of passion. Instead of hot kiss you will look at your bills and dirty laundry.
Your partner is passive and takes you for granted.
Some men stop to work on relation. Once when they get paper, the rest is history and it works by default.
Your partner stare at another women.
This looks innocent, but in fact is unpleasent. When you are at the street, at coffee bar you feel embarrassed if your partner look at another boobs and booty and comment how sexy some women are.
Your partner is never at home.
He is busy with his work, friends, hobbies. 
Your partner thinks that you are fat.
He avoids sexual contact with you.
You went in this marriage accord your interests and financial security.
People will say, why to cheat partner, leave him. Or leave her, if she is not for you. Infidelity is indeed closed circle, because sense of cheating is not another marriage. You want to feel sparks as on the beginning of relation, you want to tremble when your partner is touching you, and when you pass through this, when your lover is in the same position as your husband, you got tired of him too. Maybe even your husband is more interesting after you get bored of lover.
I don’t justify infidelity and for sure i will not recommend this. I try to understand this, and for sure there are limits between fantasies in your mind and real things. Who did not have fantasies about another person? If we spread word infidelity in every areas, masturbating at porno movies will also be infidelity if you have partner, drinking coffee with friend will also be kind of cheating if you share with friend something what you can’t say to your partner.
There must be special bond which connects you with your partner, and reason why you reject another men even you have desires. Something what you have only with him. And if you judge people who forgive infidelity, would you ruin your whole relation or marriage because of one night stand, because your partner mistaked?
Infidelity is matter of personal deal between partners. Only you know how much you can handle. In some countries, infidelity is punished by death penalty. Law decided instead of people and woman who cheats her husband will stay without head. So there is no much space for thinking. In free countries, women will take a risk . Some will open internet pages and talk with sexy strangers when husband is not at home. This is indeed innocent, ask how much women have virtual friends, and ask how much would leave partner because of internet lover. Not many. Some will say that their trips in unknown areas make their marriage better.
Morality is extended value, if you look from another angle. Your friend will maybe judge you, but inside her mind is envy because other men look at you too. Some people will gossip others, and they will be frustrated because they can’t do the same. Soap operas, Big brother and many reality shows made new opportunities for people and relationships are tempted by forbidden fruit.
Infidelity is poison in small doses. You can stop when you wish if is not too late.

After party syndrome

08.02.15 - 1

Holidays are favorite part of the year because we can relax and forget about control. Sing, dance and smile, that are only orders. No more boring bosses, annoying teachers and parents, now is all allowed. We can be clumsy, crazy and out of our mind.

If you can’t relax on holiday, you must be dead inside.

How to get perfect party without alcohol? That magical bubbles in glass of wine, champagne or beer are our followers on every celebration. Even our perfect boss is drinking, so why we not?

Alcohol is double sword. We can do things we should not do, it will courage us to expose our love or hate, depends of situation.

There are more kind of drunkards.
Aggressive – don’t say wrong word to them, you will cause big fight
Cry baby – they will remember sad story from their past and cry under influence of alcohol
Boring fool – they will not give you peace, because alcohol make them so talkative
Alzheimer drunkard – they don’t remember what they said before half hour so you will listen repeating of the same words
Damage causer – they are dangerous, because broken glasses and blurs are here after they left party
Whatever you are in usual life, with few glasses of awesome wine or other alcohol you will be something else. People who usually have nothing in common will find common language when they are drunk. Your emotions are high, and don’t surprise if you kiss and hug your worst enemy. Also don’t be surprised if unknown woman slaps you, because alcohol will raise your libido. Don’t touch other butt without permission.
Next problem is toilet. Be sure you are there on time if you need to pee or puke. Some people get drunk and don’t leave toilet , they can sleep there until morning. If you are not so lucky you can be embarrassed.  Don’t drink if you are in bus, because if you are travelling and bus stops every 2 hours you can pee in your panties. You think you can make old trick to pee in the bottle? Don’t even try.
After awesome night is an awful morning. Headache, short alcoholic dream about 3 hours, when you woke up you are gloomy and with hangover. Milk can help you, and cup of coffee, but whole day you will have feeling like someone hit you with fist in your head.
Look your glamourous face in the mirror. Yesterday queen, today tramp. Bags under eyes, lipstick on your dress, and your hair cry for hairdresser. Don’t even try to seduce someone, guy will runaway. Smell of alcohol is another part of story.

Alcohol is tasty poison. That poison has deadline. You are under magic formula that night, and in the morning you want to forget all. If you even remember what happened.

Heroine stand next to heroes

History remember those who broke the rules. Also beautiful and brave women will enter into chronology and left their footprints. French national hero Jeanne d’ Arc is remembered as girl who was leader of french army and defeated English enemies and saved Orleans . Later she was wounded  and caught  as heretic girl. She was burnt on bonfire in Rouen when she was only 19. In the year of 1920 she was pronounced as saint.

In Croatia newspapers wrote about Kristina Ćurković. She is not leader of army but she was posing with gun. She became familiar when she was hitting eggs on politicians who represent Croatian democracy community (HDZ – political group) in Omiš. Also she remove the flag of European union  and changed with Croatian flag. When Croatia had referendum for family, she was strictly against gays and lesbians, and she said that family is community just for man and woman and only this kind of family can be healthy family. That girl is unemployed, young and pretty, and she declared herself as radical supporter of right center.

Reactions are various. People, included her own sister talk about her as girl ready for circus, hungry for attention. Especially because she was missing for a two days, nobody knew where she disappeared. She justified her absence with uncharged battery at cell phone.

Other people will clap their hands because she said something in public what is indeed truth, that people are not going on elections in Croatia. Only minority voted for present Government, and others are passive. 

One thing is for sure. In the time when many young people in Croatia are not interested for school, education and when streets are full of beggars, alcoholic and violent teenagers, this girl dare to say the truth. She is pretty, but she did not use her beauty to became model or singer, even this way could be easier for her. She expose herself to risk. Someone could attack her because of her open speech, she was already reported and she got public judgement.

If we compare her and Jeanne d’ Arc, differences are in attitude. It was another time. Jeanne burnt in bonfire because of her beliefs. Jeanne had no chance and possibilities to survive. Kristina was born in the age of technology. She just need to change her methods. Croatia needs new leaderships, but with calm and smart people who will have good arguments. This country is sleeping. We need someone to wake up sleepy crowd and lead them in the right direction. 

We have two political groups who are changing on the top . Social democrats, as left center, and conservative Croatian group HDZ (Croatian democratic community). The main conclusion is, they are not successful in their decision, people are unemployed, hungry, salaries are small and there is no order on the streets. You can see drunk teenager in the middle of the day with the bottle of wine how he fall on the floor and nobody will pay attention. In the other hand, policeman will approach you to ask you for documents if you are laughing loud when you return home from the party. 

What are real values and real order? This young girl pull her finger. She doesn’t know what she is exactly doing, but she asked question what we must think about. 

Insomnia – how to deal with?

My eyes are still wide open. I try to set up my pillow , how to make myself more comfortable. Too much in my mind right now, that thoughts are boring as flies, they capture my brain so hard that i feel them as iron chains. My eye allergy started, it itches, cause that is connected with insomnia.

I get up and and cook tea. Now i must wait few minutes to water boil. Still this is not enough, i will take medicine.

It is so quiet that i can feel sound of the dark. Darkness will swallow my thoughts.  

Even tea is too hot, i will burn my tongue. I drink short and quick mugs.

That will be forced dream. Yes i close my eyes, i will drown in that dark now. What i feel, now i am not here. I fall into abyss. That woman in black try to strangle me, i feel creature from air on my neck. I woke up and my heart skip a beat.

How to handle the day if you did not sleep? 

Bunch of coffee or energetic drinks will not help you, because you will feel like Earth is spinning around and you are still on one place. Energetic drinks are not healthy, it will wake you up temporary. You might work with half energy and when you come home, you will sleep in the same minute.

Enemies of good sleep:


– pavor nocturnus (night fear)

– insomnia

If you read or exercise before sleep, if you drink coffee or tea you will have problem with sleeping. 

Pavor nocturnus and nightmare are typical for children, but if you pass through trauma it is possible that you dream your fears and they are hunting you. My usual nightmare was old woman in black, who was stalking me until i woke up with scream.

Everyone faced with insomnia at least once. Especially is bad feeling when you need to get up early after you did not sleep whole night. Working with headache is not recommended. Accord Murphy’s law, you will get more work if you did not sleep last night.

Try to deal with causes of your insomnia, no matter are they just your pillow, your partner or job. When you discover causes, you will have peaceful dream.

Some old recipes for insomnia:

– sex with your partner

-masturbation, if you are without partner

-watching movie, until you sleep

-walk into another room, open window and breath fresh air

Lack of dream might cause aggression. Imagine situation if someone yells at you, and sound of his voice break invisible fence in your brain. You want to fight back, so you will be aggressive too. If you are clumsy and nervous, the main reason is also night before, when you did not sleep. Next night is your opportunity, try to enter into land of your dreams.

Pending time – he loves me or not?


Every relation is made of few phases. First, you burn from desire , but after that you feel saturation, and it is time to take a pause. Heart can’t make 100 percent fire all the time , this is like a petrol, sometimes you need to refill it with new flame.

Why we need turbulence in relations? As passionate person, i will easier deal with conflict than with ignorance . Conflict is open field, you say this, he say that, you disagree but after anger pass , conversation is possible again. With ignorance, you are never sure.

If person ignores you and you don’t know the reason, you will pass through experience of pending time. Why he ignores me? When he will stop ignore me? When he will reply on my message and why he will not answer on my call? You are for sure familiar with this questions.

When we are sure that person loves us, we will start to behave as we are on safe ground. Uncertainty is not an obstacle, he loves us, he will be there for us, he will do everything for us. Just, why are you so sure? What happens then? Some women will act like that is boring. They will start to flirt around, make million hobbies or even challenge conflict, just to turn back old flame into relation.

How this develops, it will show on this example.

Ken and Maria are 6 months in relation and they send to each other messages, because this is relation on distance. They live far from each other. First, he was sending so much messages that she could not breath. He had insight in every area of her life. She said him few times, don’t call me, i am busy with work. Also she said to him, i will go out with friends, i have life here in my city , don’t be sad if i can’t be online when you need me. Maria felt big burden.

After 48 hours situation suddenly changed.Maria opened cell phone in morning and here was not usual message “good morning” as she used to. She sent message to Ken, but he did not reply her, even he was online. She sent second message for half hour and did not get reply either. Now she started to worry, maybe she was too bitchy when she said to him to be more independent. She did not get Ken’s messages 24 hours. Then she sent message to him ” you are ignoring me, i will not run for you. ” He did not show any reaction. After this, he replied her that he is busy with his work, that he has no time to write to her. Ken wanted to teach her lesson, not to take him for granted. Next days Maria felt that she appreciates him more. He took power back, and Maria started to melt. They even dealt for meeting soon.

I would recommend both sides, don’t let partner to drag you for nose. Don’t wait his calls and messages all the time , do something useful. If he will not call, don’t force him. If you did something wrong and he will not call, wait until he chills out. If you feel as redundant person in his life, increase your value. Live your life. Be in the company of people who are thrilled with your messages and calls.

Some guys will test women how much they are firm. Is this woman hysterical, paranoid, calm or crazy? Will this woman check every his step?

I will not blame them. Indeed, when person build wall , this is interesting. Who will jump over this wall? In this case, make your own rules. Why you should wait someone who let you to wait?

When women ask, should i call him if he did not call me, i will say no. If he wanted to call, he would call. Especially if this is start of relation. In long relations and marriages things are different. Sometimes you must call him to pay bills, to pick up kids, to cook dinner and invite guests, even you had argument. Married couples are sometimes forced to talk, by circumstances. Yes he was an ass yesterday, but today is last day to go into bank and i must talk with him. Later we will continue to fight.

Pending time is magical when you wait for statement of love. Does he love me? This is like in game from childhood , where little girl take flower and throw petals, and repeat : he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…

Also pending time is good foreplay for sex. You had this tense situation, and now is time for passion. Award for your waiting and end of the game.


How long you let someone to disappoint you?

Disappointments are part of life. Remember the last time when someone turned you back or left without explanation. Remember when someone you cared about did something bad to you. People change, or we were not enough careful to see their real nature. Estimation is key of good relation, so if we don’t estimate person on correct way, disappointment is just result. 

You might ask yourself, why someone hurts you if you did not do something wrong? 

There are few solutions:

People hurt each other because of jealousy. 

You have pretty wife, expensive car, good job. Enough reasons for bad actions, for frustrated people.

People leave because of wrong expectations.

Maybe someone loves you, and you can’t give love back. 

It is hard to persuade broken heart. Heart can’t hear explanations, that you can’t give your emotions for return.

People act on bad way to pull attention on themselves.

Some people are as children. If you neglect them, they will break something to pull your attention.

People fight with each other because of rivalry.

Maybe you and your friend want the same things, but only one can win. If you fight for girl or for guy, friendship is over. 

Helen always thought that she is good person, good friend and good girlfriend. She tried very hard to keep good relations with people. She and Marianne were as sisters, good friends from childhood. Marianne had more success with guys, she was more sexy in that time, and Helen felt she will lose friend. All their topics were always about Marianne, about guys, clothes, her exams , her adventures. Helen was invisible, but she did not care until Marianne did not date with Kevin. Helen was in love with Kevin, but he did not know this. It was last kick to her ego and Helen started to avoid Marianne. They broke their friendship in silence, because Marianne did not care enough to ask Helen what happened. 

Don’t hold on your disappointments for too long time. If you stuck between sadness and questions, you will miss other opportunities. People leave because they wish, and if someone did not offer you explanation or reason for bad act, don’t wait for him. Real love and real friendship can’t vanish over night.

Fake relations are as bubbles. They will glow and fly, but one touch with finger and all will disappear. Struggle is part of real love and real friendship. If your relation can handle fights, if that fights can shape your relation, you are on right way. When person yells at you, that is sign of care. When you don’t care, you will just turn around and go. When you care for someone, you will try to explain your reasons, why you don’t feel good . Relations are never smooth. 

Disappointment has deadline if you are with right person. This is kind of test. If you are with player, disappointment is your mirror. All what you see is wrong reflection of your illusion, and when it vanish, like it never exists.

How to push someone to make final decision?

Million plans and wishes, and  little time for realization. Life is short for all big dreams we wish to realize, and if we don’t use every suitable moment, we are as gamblers who lost big amount of money. There is no worse thing than gambling with time. Something gone and that moment will never come back.

Delay is enemy of every action. As much we delay more time we will spend. One day we will stand in front of wall, unable to jump over it, because it is too high. One of the ways to move in life is syndrome of last minute.

When we stand and look into our last chance, heart will beat very fast. So, this is it. Final chance to pass this exam or you will repeat year. Last chance to propose that girl or she will leave you alone. Last offer at your work, take it or leave it. Adrenaline jump very high, you are pressured so what to do now?

People react very different in the time of pressure. I am one of people who will react very positive on last chance. So, this is it, there is no return, do it or miss it forever. So if i slept until now, if i was so passive, when i see that last opportunity is running , i will press my autopilot to catch it. Some other people are frozen in this situation. That kind of pressure can block them and they cannot move. Alarm clock is too big obstacle for them and that little dose of motivation is destroyed now.

Last minute has magical influence. Aron and Edith were dating for seven years. It was never right time that he could propose her. He delayed this situation so much, that was chewing gum, and it stayed too long in his mouth, that taste was bitter. Time was passing and he was more and more far from marriage. One day Aron accidentally took cell phone from his girlfriend. She had bath and phone was ringing, so Aron answered on her call. It was male voice, and he said : “Are you her brother? I wish to speak with sweet Edith. ” Aron never felt so furious. Edith later explained him that he got new colleague at office and he wanted some tips about work from her, so they exchanged numbers. He was very clumsy and possible trouble for her work, so she decided to give him tips. Next days, Aron was witness of long conversation between Edith and her new roommate. After one week, she payed more attention on this stranger, than to his boyfriend. So Aron decided to surprise her. He bought ring and propose her , when she did not expected this at all. 

Why now? I wanted this a long time ago, but you were deaf on my wishes.

– Because i don’t want to lose you. I don’t want that some office rat jump on my place. You are my girlfriend, my future wife.

Edith laughed so much but she accepted offer. It was last minute joker for Aron, and it worked out, even she did not move little finger to rush this situation.

Last minute is a needle. You stab someone with possibility of end, that is kind of threat against people who hesitate too much. Who delayed things for a so long time, in fact he did not want realization. Now, you can ask final answer or give up from your wish. Time is cruel, you can’t bring back past days, but you can stop someone to spend your precious moments day by day. 

Use last chance as your joker in the pocket. If it doesn’t give results, that is answer on your questions. There is nothing more, no hope, no expectations, no bad surprises. That is gem, set and match in this game of life.