Everyone has own problems and we are too busy with them. We want that someone listens to us because that burden will become easier if we share with someone. It is great to share problems with your friends, they can give us advises and opinions and maybe this is the key how to solve it.
Did you ever had a feeling that someone is just pretending to listen, and then jump in conversation with other subject and own problems? That is so-called listening in ambush and it looks like these:
” Yes, of course, you should not call that guy dear Betty. Who is he anyway that you call him every day? Speaking of that, me and my ex-boyfriend had the similar problem. I used to call him anytime when he needed me, and he never cared about my life and what is happening to me. Me and Robert, from the start of our relation..blah, blah, blah.”
Suddenly you have the feeling that subject of that conversation is not your problem anymore. Your friend forwarded your story into the background. Really, skills of listening are quality in friendship. If you interrupt the person while he/she is talking, you think only about yourself. Next time you should not expect that the same person will listen to you and give you an opinion.
Besides, this is rude and unkind. The person can check do you listen. She/he can say: “I am pregnant and I will have twins. ” This is the good way to check are you awake in this conversation.
I know, people really could be boring with stories, especially if the same problem repeat every time.
Who would like to listen to the same story about the ex-boyfriend who is still stalking your friend, even you said to her million times that she should ignore him? In that case is better, to be honest, and tell her that you don’t have time and nerves for her stories.
Listening in ambush is like listening in earphones.
You have that look in your eyes like you are following your friend, but your minds are in music. When she asks you: “Am I really a fool?”, you will say yes because you did not hear her at all. You can compare your stories, problems, and thoughts, but when is time for this, try not to focus the conversation on yourself. If you never listen to anybody you are selfish. Nobody likes to talk with selfish people so your best conversationalist will be your mirror.
Listening in ambush is the way of disrespect.
If you pretend that you are listening, and indeed this topic is boring for you, but you don’t want to admit, you are the hypocrite. Rather say to your friend that you are not in a mood for this discussion.