Partner in our mirror

 

We can’t see things on the way how other see. When we act or behave on some way, this is normal for us. But how will other people react on some bad habits, especially if they are close to us, if we live with them and share privacy?

It was hard to share flat with Derek. He was so untidy, his dirty socks and laundry were on the floor, chairs, everywhere, once even Susan found his watch in the bathroom. When she complaint to him, he just said that he will clean up next time. This time never happened.
But one morning Derek was unpleasantly surprised when he woke up. He was drinking coffee and he was ready to go at work, but he could not find his wallet. All flat was in mess. He woke up Susan with words:

What is going on here? Your lipstick is in my pocket, your socks are in my cup of coffee, here is like someone hit bomb. I could swear that here was a burglar.



– No dear, i am just your copy cut. Do you understand, today i am you. And i have no idea where i put your wallet.


Derek was furious and Susan lend him money but next day he started to clean. He found things he lost a long time ago, his old watch, his tie and few box of matches. Susan supported him with smile. Finally, Derek saw his mirror reflection. It was not nice, because he saw untidy man who doesn’t shave for a week, man who is always getting late and he did not like it. Susan helped him to see things on other way.

Only person who care for us will help us to see that something is not all right. 

We can’t change character, but we can prove to someone that something is not good, when we face that person with own mirror reflection. He felt it on own skin. Consequences were in front of him and he decided to be more careful . That was not change over night, but he got this alarm inside of his head and every time he became lazy he remembered his wallet.

We will change our habits in the case of damage. Then we will decide that we want to live on other way, in the moment when our mirror give us alert that we are on wrong path.
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Provincials as moral majority

My young neighbor date with her boyfriend few years. Every time when he came to pick her up, she is waiting him in front of building. She is not alone , because few heads are also on windows, waiting for event. Old lady with grey hair recently noticed : “He is not going in her flat, to meet parents?” It is very important to her when this guy will meet her parents, because in her ages it was not decent to date with woman without approval.
You will find such people in every city. They live through other lives , but they are not usual busybodies. They are provincials , because they want to promote themselves as moral authority in the way to make others ashamed.
Recently american actress Demi Moore visited Adriatic sea, she was in island Hvar. She was eating in local restaurant and gave some tips. Employees made photo of her bill and published this on social network. Wow, Demi was eating here. Look at her tips, she could give more, isn’t it? Imagine that you come somewhere to eat and people are watching straight into your mouth. How you chew, swallow and how much you paid, all because you are famous.
Narrow minded provincials are people with talent for copy paste. If you see someone with expensive purse who claims that is made by famous designer, be sure that is fake copy, because only provincial could brag about price.
How to recognize babbittry? Satirical novel Sinclair Lewis wrote about Midwestern businessman obsessed by clubs, commerce and material values.
Babbitt will tell you this:
“People said to me that i am spitting image of Eva Mendez. “
 
” I eat only organic food because meat is for losers. “
 
” My shoes were made only for me, by special order. “
 
” Really you go to this hairdresser? But nobody is going there on haircut. She is totally out. “
 
” I got signature of my favorite singer. I am so happy that i can’t sleep. “
 
“Oh i know this local Miss beauty. We are related, she is cousin of my nephew.”
Provincial rules are made accord pattern . 
Follow all trends.
 
Associate with popular people.
 
Let all gossips be available to you.
 
Be careful what others think about your behavior. 
 
Compete with your rich neighbor. If he has new car, now is your turn.
Provincial is not person from small city who arrives in big town. Provincialism is inside of you. You can meet person who was born in Paris, but still her habits are as she lived in farm. As we in Croatia said : “You can go out from village, but it is hard to throw village out of you. ” Provincial style are not only cheap shoes or bad hair day. He can look like this, but if he opens his mouth and talk vulgar , this is more meaningful. Someone who talk about his profession, roots and family inheritance even nobody asked for this is born provincial. If someone ask you to tell your name, and you represent yourself as doctor, lawyer or professor at first sight, that is cocky. Do you want that everyone know that your value is bigger? When my ex boss wanted to impress me , she sent sms : “Here is the judge xxx. I need some favor. ” And i replied : “Who are you, i don’t remember. “
Provincial was name for middle class . They were someone between poor and rich. They tried to copy noble class , so women had similar dresses, but cheaper. Honore de Balzac wrote in “Father Goriot” about men who had expensive coat, but they were barefoot, because lack of money. That are provincial today, with rich vocabulary, but without education in background. Someone who read short edition of book on internet and who never visited library. Someone who talk about other countries and cultures but who never traveled out of his city.  Someone who said intelectual words, but have no idea about meaning.
With good provocation, every provincial will reveal his real face. As with fake designed purse, if you scratch it, under nice material is only paper. When you see person with selfies at social network who asked all her friends about opinion, and who promised to post more , be sure she is a babbitt. Even more, she represents moral majority and teach other girls how to behave.

He was temporary in your life

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Knife in the back is the most painful tool of suffering. That is double scar: we are betrayed by someone who had our trust and we are fooled by our visions. Don’t blame yourself, you are not the first neither last who experienced this.
Once i meet someone who gave me love, at least it looked like this. That person kissed ground where i was walking. Until our relation was place for harmony, everything was perfect. Situation changed during the first conflict. Suddenly, i was not beautiful woman of his dreams. I was smug , bitch and devil. Then i noticed pattern : it happened everytime when i had different opinion about something. That relation turned on real war and we finished as enemies. All we could agree in the end, was to break every connection between us.
People will ask : “How wonderful love can turn into incredible pain? “
If you can turn back movie , you will look at things with different eyes. Real love can’t transform into hate. It will happen only with so called love.
Let’s compare real love with “so called ” love.
 
Real love:
Partner accepts your opinion, even he disagrees.
Partner forgives your mistakes and admits his mistakes too.
You are both progressing together.
There is no envy and jealousy on personal success between partners.
 You are not his competition, you are his soulmate.
He try to understand your bad mood and you cheer him up in every opportunity.
So called love:
Partner try to push his opinion as rule.
Partner blames you for old mistakes in the past , he is judging you.
You can’t progress with him, because he drags you down.
He is jealous if you have bigger salary or better job.
He see you as his rival. 
You are doormat for his bad mood.
He is your big love today, and he will be your bigger enemy tomorrow. How does it happen? At first sight, you forgot to see holes in your relation. This holes become with time bigger and bigger. Lack of trust, seed of doubts, sting of jealousy. When all this connect into big circle, poison is ready. If you don’t heal this on time, you will get sick.
Yesterday he kissed you, you made love. Today this kiss is kiss of death, because he doesn’t love you anymore. Who was indeed in your bed?
How you will find out the truth? Do you want to know did your ex partner really loved you?
When you break up with him, some fact will tell you about your love.
 
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What bad guy says?
He brags bad things about you.
Everyone knows details from your bedroom.
He try to manipulate with your friends to get them on his side.
He is following you around, together with his new girlfriend.
What good guy says?
He will be silent, and if anybody ask , he will not give explanations.
All private things which you said to him will stay secret.
He will not follow you around, and if he has new girlfriend, he will not involve her in your story.
He will stay out from your friends. They are not topic of your conflict.
 
Your ex love could be wonderful memory or bad burden from the past. At least, you learnt what you don’t need in your life anymore.

Filthy face of money

 

Who sits at two chairs, usually falls down on butt. Sometimes we are undecided, unstable and we don’t know what we want, so this is natural process. We can mistake in this situation, when both solutions are attractive and we would like to have all, but we can’t . Imagine woman who must decide between two lovers, even she loves husband and lover, she can lose both. Or, if you are friend with people who can’t stand each other, and one of them hurt other, so you must choose which side you will take. So you still sit on two chairs because decision is tough.
The other pair of this problem is sitting on two chairs with purpose, when you realize that you have benefits from both sides.

That is politicians tool, when politician is flexible in many political groups. Simply, when one government fall , he will get position in other. Democrat, socialist or liberal, what is the matter? He will follow the wind, in which direction wind blows. The same is with singers who are on some way connected with politicians, especially in the election time. They will support those who will pay more, no matter about their beliefs.

Lepa Brena was famous folk singer in ex Yugoslavia, the most famous woman who were singing in Balkan area. She had concerts in Sofia in Bulgaria where she came with helicopter. Her movie “Let we love each other” was very popular, even her music was trashy and without artistic values, and her image was cheap, so i believe that many fashion gurus would spit on her clothes and fashion style. Later she got married for tennis star Slobodan Živojinović and during years, she became rich woman with own music production.
Recently people in my city wanted to give her street, in her honor. She had supporters and enemies, because indeed she is woman as chameleon, able to survive in every situation. During terrible war in Bosnia, Brena had cover photo with military clothes. She was wearing chetnick blouse on the cover of magazine. She justified this as she was protecting her parents and sister, who were prisoners under occupation of her city Brčko. Chetnicks are terroristic group who were killing innocent people in Croatia and Bosnia, war criminals with bloody hands.
Recently, Lepa Brena made big concert near my city and she raise the dust, because we all know very well that some of our neighbors and citizens were victims during chetnicks attack. Singer who wears chetnick blouse is suddenly heroine who deserves street in her dedication? I don’t think so.
Accord my opinion her music is cheap, without values , she is now old woman over 50 and not popular as she used to be in the past, but all this doesn’t matter. The matter is, until when we will judge people as footballer Joe Šimunić, who were punished by UEFA and FIFA because of historical greeting “For home we are ready”, which was declared as ustasha message, and besides us, ex Croatian minister of sport reported Joe to high instances? Who will report Brena, because her blouse insults national feelings and she made concert on places where innocent people were killed by the people who wear the same military labels?

That is not joke. We Croats, we are sometimes too soft. We forget and quick judge our singer Thompson, we forbid his concerts because he sing about war in Croatia, and he is considered as violent?

If we are quick to judge, to report or to blame because Croatia is considered sometimes as notorious country where young people celebrate ustashas, what is with people like Brena then?

We might put their names as titles on the street, because they were sexy singers once in the past, or because they have expert skills of sitting on two chairs?

Who want to date with mama’s boy?

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In old Greek legend Edip killed his father Laj and married with his mother Jokasta. Too much devotion accord one parent, and lack of feelings for other is basic of Edip complex. His affection toward mother is part of Freud theory , for men who seek women with the same characteristic as their mothers.
For sure you met single men who are connected with their mothers on close way. This pattern is always the same. He lives with mother, she is cooking and washing his laundry, and he can’t find woman who will take her place. Even when he finds her, his standards are so high that she gave up from him.
Dave is one of them. He has over 50 years, good job as manager in private company, he was travelling around world. His life is full of adventures with many women, but he never wanted to settle down. His mother is in the role of housewife, and other women are in the role of mistress. He feels less obligated to mother, than he should be to his potential wife. She supports his way of life, because his father died a long time ago, and she doesn’t want to feel alone. It is easier when her son lives together with her.
In this kind of relation, two persons are connected on selfish way.
Man: “I don’t want wife who complaint on everything. I don’t want to feel limits when i will go home if i stay in the club with friends. For sure i don’t want jealousy if i talk with other women.”
Mother: “I still feel important. If he gets marry, i will not be part of his life as before. I will be old annoying granny.
Mama’s boy is not always single. He is also married or he has girlfriend, but their women live in the shadow of big authorities. Mother is role model for every future wife.
What mama’s boy wish?
She must cook good as my mother.
She can’t wear slutty clothes, my mother is an angel.
She must be educated as my mother.
She can’t embarrass me in publicity. She must be lady as my mother.
She must listen tips from my mother, about kids, house work and everything else.
Mother in law is often old school, especially if you compare her with women now days. If your mother in law is conservative lady who had only one man in her life, and if you were promiscuous wild woman, you will have problems with her. Then you can pretend that you love her attitude and that she has right, or you wish conflicts in every area.
What you can do?
Find common interests with your mother in law. She is maybe old fashioned, but she loves the same movies as you. Go in cinema with her.
 
Make a balance between her and yours attitude. Middle solutions are good for your peace in marriage.
 
Tell your husband if she became impossible. On this way, you will check his devotion toward you.
Be nice and kind with her. If it doesn’t work out, tell her honestly what you think.
Every mother is protective toward her son, but problem starts when she pokes nose everywhere. 

That is why some mama’s boys will never get married and why some will get divorced. It is funny to see when some women use mothers to get certain man in her arms. Mothers are targets, even they are not aware of this. Bribe his mother, and he is half way yours. If he says : “Wow, this lunch is so great, last time i ate such meal when my mother were cooking”, victory is yours.

Now, there is a catch. If you take a role of his mother, if you will be her twin, your man will feel double pressure. He will see two nightmares with broomstick. “Be careful what you are doing”, that is usual warning to poor man, when he is going out with friends or on business journey. Now you have partner, his mom. This poor guy is only yours, because if he tries to escape, you will know whom to call.
Independent men are different, because they don’t drag tails from childhood as mama’s boys. He cares for his mother, but he has own life. When Celia involved in life of her son Marc, she was unbearable. She wanted that her son leave his wife. Marc draw a line, he said to her to back off. After all, that was his problem, not hers.
My old neighbor said very good: “If this woman is good for my son, who am i to complain? After all, he will live with her, not me. So i wish him good luck, he is big boy.”

Mistress by recommendation

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Relation is sharing of responsibility. Some men are not ready for relations, but they can’t admit this to himself. They are searching, exploring and hurting women . Then, they will regret when is too late. What kind of expert advices should be given to immature men? Find a mistress, not girlfriend. Find woman who is married and who asks for a lover.
If you make a poll between women, they will not hide facts about lovers. If you wish to avoid egg in your face, don’t ask married woman about secret affairs. Answer will be : “I am loyal and pure woman. Who, me? I would never do that. ” An opposite, if you ask men, they will compete. Men in midlife crises, business men, playboys, they will brag about their mistresses, because that is symbol of power. When prince Charles had affair with Camilla Parker Bowles, he proudly said that he would like to be her tampon. When princess Diana had lovers, publicity judged her, as woman under moral question. In history time, empress Sissi was unhappy in marriage and she even accepted that her husband Franz Joseph had mistress, Katherina von Schratt, famous actress in theater. History knows roumors about her love affairs, but  it was unappropriate to declare, even she was not innocent lady.
So, let skip moral values to see story from another angle. Imagine man who is not responsible , not serious and without job and money. Perhaps he is too young or he is not monogamous. He is perfect target for married woman.
In affair with mistress who is married, rules are changing.
 
 
No responsibility. You can get out from that relation when you wish, and she has no right to blame you for broken heart.
No guarancy. Future doesn’t belong to lovers. That is present moment, now or never.
No guilty. You can’t take burden on your lover. You are the one who cheats husband.
No surprises. He left you? You are revealed? This results should be expected.
Wise married woman will pick single man. Triangle is painful, but square is more complicated. If he has kids, even worse. He should not be father in this case. He should be good in keeping secrets. Also, he should have sense for reality, not to expect that she will escape with him, from her safe marriage.
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What kind of women are candidates for danger zone?
Men, never pick these kind of women:
Woman in marriage with violent husband. 
If he beats her, you are next.
Woman in marriage with ill husband.
He could have cancer, PTSP, paralyse. You will feel as monster, if his wife is your mistress.
Too old woman.
Your mistress is 15 or 20 years older than you? It will be hard to get rid of her.You are her source of youth.
Your boss.
Don’t mix job and privacy. If you work for her, you could be fired after breakup.
Your neighbor.
You wish to feel as in battle zone every day? Are you sure that her husband doesn’t know? You will see when your car will be damaged.
Who would be ideal mistress then?
Woman who separate reality from illusion. She knows her limits and her expectations are with deadline.
 
Woman which husband travells a lot. She is often alone . Be careful just when husband is back home.
 
Woman who accepts your choices. You can find girlfriend and she must be ready for that.
 
Woman from another country. Maybe you have only virtual relation with her, but at least she can’t knock at your door to ruin your life if she is mad.
 
Escort lady. If you are enough rich to effort this.
 
This world is place for hypocrites. Famous and powerful people will hide their secret life behind eyes of publicity, and yet they will judge those who are revealed or caught in the action. Some men are hunters, and they like to brag about their mistresses in front of their friends. More beautiful woman is more desirable trophy. It is easier to admit : “I had mistress” than ” i was not able for healthy relation. ” Word “mistress” is secret code, for desires, freedom, lack of emotional control or discipline. All is fair in love and war, until you get caught.

Expectation is a whore

When you expect something , you are on needles. This should be this day, this week, this year, and still is not there. You send apply for job and nobody respond you? You called this sweet girl and she did not answer at your call? Friend forgot on you even you invited him on party?
Expectation is a whore. If you expect something great, it might disappoint you when you get average result. For sure you might remember your facial expression when someone bought gift for your birthday. You wanted expensive perfume, and friend bought you spray. Now she expects gratitude, and you will say : – Thanks, it is nice. Indeed, all you wish is to strangle her because you expected more from your best friend.
Don’t be naive in your judgment. If you think that giving much means getting much, this math formula doesn’t work on that way. Classic story is hidden in love relations.
All girls were running for the same guy in class. Lew was macho dude, sexy, smart and with great sense for humor. Girls wore short skirts just to get noticed. Pamela solved his home works, and Celia defended him when teacher accuse him for fight in classroom. At the end, Lew chose Caroline. She was not on his back as other girls. She was realistic, objective, even rude. They even did not talk some time, because Caroline rejected to support him in runaway from class. Lew saw challenge and wanted to date with her.
I don’t say that you should never expect anything from anyone. It is natural that we expect big things from beloved people, friends and family. They might surprise us , but also disappointment is possible.  Be ready that your expectations will not gain positive results and that your hope will lost in wrong direction.
 
When you don’t expect, you are more objective.
 
When you don’t expect, you can’t be disappointed.
 
When you don’t expect, you don’t feel anger .
Situation when you don’t expect makes you feel more free and with more logical sense. Also, it will let you insight into pleasant surprises. You are not influenced by fear, how you will survive if you don’t get job, if you don’t get love for return or if you are not invited at party. Your mind is free from delusions.
You are not pimp to this whore, because you don’t expect anymore.