How to deal with crises?

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Black thoughts – that is familiar to all of us. Life brings us moments where we don’t see way out. Bad events are connected in chain, so sometimes you will be in kind of temptation. You are experimental rabbit, so can you handle this?

Scott lost his job and broke with girlfriend in the same time. Then he got sick and depressed. He would get up in the morning, drink cup of coffee and it was all what he could do. The rest of time he was staring in the window, like he expects high forces to help him. He was not even religious, so he hoped that some alien will come on Earth , with space ship to bring him out of here. Scott went to the gym to make his body more strong. He did not find friends here, guys were pretentious, they had muscles and Scott was skinny like girl. Then he invited his friend to go out, but he was too busy and he could not promise him when this will happen. Maybe never.

So days were passing, Scott could not find a new job, girls were rejecting him and he became suicidal. He drink pills but not enough to kill himself, he was just vomit. Then he cut himself but he was not enough brave to cut deeper. His mother saw that something is wrong with him, so she said this:

“I don’t want to cry with you or to judge you. Life is sometimes cruel. But, do you really want that others laugh to you? It is easy to give up from everything. I remember different guy, now i don’t know who you are.”

Scott was sad and furious. Mother has right. He throw all pills into toilet, all bottles of alcohol in garbage box and he run again into the gym. He was exercising one hour every day  and sweating until he felt better. One day he met his old friend Glen, who also joined in the gym. Glen said : “Buddy, you look stronger. How much time you spent here?” After that they went to drink beer and talk about old days. 

Day by day Scott feels how he is progressing. In the moment he needs to make decision about job, he got some positive answers on his appeals. Girls start to notice him and he had few dates.

When you drown into black hole, it is so easy to let it go. 

Why you will not give up?

If you give up, others will laugh to you. Do you want to see how they laugh and call you loser?

Others will pity for you. Human sympathy is killer of pride and dignity.

You will never have chance to woke up and see how situation is changing.

Who can’t handle defeat, doesn’t deserve to drink champagne after victory. This path is full of thorns.

Black days are challenges. Life is not smooth ground, that you can dance with favorite music. Sometimes, life creates terrible rattle and noise. You must face it with this.

Who are your best friends in troubles?

People who will give you critics.

People who will tell you to face it with reality.

People who will not sit and cry with you. They can be even harsh or slap you.

You need a hand if you are sinking, but this safe belt is not your savior. The most things you will do alone, when you find energy refill inside of you. If you think that fake promises or hopes will help you, you are wrong. Sometimes, person who yells at you is your best friend. Look yourself in the mirror and admit that you are loser in the moment. This is just present, tomorrow you will wake up as winner, if you accept one condition. You should not give up.

Today is rain, but sun will shine tomorrow or in the future. Until you wait for the sun, help yourself with own umbrella.

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Exclusivity – key for serious relation

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When you will know that relation is getting serious? That moment is here when your partner want to make commitment. This kind of obligation doesn’t have to be engagement or marriage, it is simply exclusivity. He said he wants to date only with you, he is interested only for you and other women have no chance to get close with him.

Problem with immature guys is in their wrong perception. When your partner is immature, he thinks that is enough to say sweet words and make excuses or promises , so things will work out. That will pass with insecure women, but when woman is made of strong principles, such vision will fail.

Let’s assume that you are dating with playboy. He is in contact with many women. They write messages to him on his social page. They are calling him. When you are in club , restaurant or anywhere else with him, you will always meet his “friends. ” Title “friends” is secret code for lovers, former girlfriends or undefined adventures. Now, you ask him to clean his mess, but what if he says no?

Normally, you would say, leave him. Situation is not always simple, so if you come to phase when you fall in love in him and you are sad without him, he will use this to manipulate with you.

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Where is an exit?

You can be friend with him. Say him, you are friend zoned, until you make decision.

You can give up, because there are lot of fishes in the sea.

Also, you might give him some time. Expiration date next month, next week, for his decision.

You can also have joker in pocket. Tell him, you are dating with someone else and you wait his hint. Make yourself as busy target, you are not taken, but also you will not be free because as every good product, you have your buyers. He is not the only one who wants you.

Now, you did your part, you are waiting him to call you. Don’t call him first, don’t make him rush, because this is as in stock market, your value is decreasing if you force situation.  If this pending time takes too long, if he is silent, you got your answer. Sometimes, silence is for men  the best conversation with woman.

Some guys said these things:

“I did not call her because i did not want to hear her crying or screaming. I was not interested. “

“My ex called me that she wants reunion, so i did not call that girl, i wanted to avoid trouble. “

“I felt i was not ready to commit to one woman. My friends called me on party, it was not time for romance. “

Even some women will say “let him, he will come back at the end”, that is not true. You can’t let guy who is in relation with you to do what he wants with other women. This is humiliation, and if you let him to flirt, next time he will ask you for advice what to do with certain woman. Friend zone can be painful if you love him.

Exclusivity means that :

He respects your opinion. He ask you advices, because you are important to him.

He will not make interactions with other women on a way to hurt you.

He will be loyal to you.

He will not let his friends to try with you. You are his target, he will not share you with other men.

Many women will swallow pride just to have man for adventure, for few nights, when they see, there is no chance to keep him. That is just bullshit solution. Scarves in your soul is not easy to heal. If you ask relation and he ask only flirt, make things clear. You will stay hungry as someone who ordered meal and got only soup on the table.

Can you control your fantasies?

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If we compare reality and our fantasies, tastes are different. Reality often leaves bitter taste in our mouth, like we swallowed fish oil. Fantasies are cream on the cake, that sugar dose which will make our life more magical. If you have habit to live in fantasies, you can’t look into eyes of your reality. It is too much painful, cruel or simply you feel empty? Take a nap and call your fantasies in your dreams, but don’t sleep forever otherwise you will have nightmares.

Doris always get late from her office work. Sometimes she works overtime, that is private company and her boss is unpredictable. If they don’t sell some products on time, she will stay even for weekends. After work she must go in the shopping mall. Her husband is also busy and tired so Doris will buy grosseries for dinner. That Tuesday was especially bad day. Doris got complaints from her clients, her boss was yelling on her and it was terrible crowd on the road. Finally, she went into mall and there was big line, one old woman made mess because she forgot her wallet. Doris wanted to destroy all around herself, but all she could do was deep sigh. 

Recently she opened her profile on one social network. It was her escape from reality. When her husband Paul started to snore, her only comfort was to stay awake in the middle of the night. There she met Gerard, man from France. They were immediately connected , as virtual lovers. Doris had virtual affair, and she did not feel guilt. After all, Paul was not interested for sex for a week, he was constantly tired and Doris wanted passionate moments. Gerard and Doris exchanged erotic messages. She opened herself to him, and he trusted her to talk about his life. His fiance died from cancer before two years, and accord his story he had terrible shock and he could not make love with any woman, because he had feeling that he is cheating. Doris was sexy woman and her photos attracted Gerard, especially her breasts, always in tight shirts. That captured his attention, and he felt excited and horny. After some time Doris noticed that he talks with her only in messages. He was his friend at her page, but when she opened statuses, Gerard was numb. Also, he was very talkative with other women. Gerard explained to Doris, he can’t talk with her public, because he is ashamed of his dirty messages to her. He imagined her lips with his penis in mouth. Even he asked her permission to masturbate on her photos. Doris was unpleasantly surprised, especially when they had very hot chat, and after that Gerard talked with one woman on his status and called her lady. “So what is me?” Doris asked him, and he said ” I think that you like sex, i can see in your eyes.”

Doris did not want to participate in this fantasy anymore. Suddenly, even her husband was more atractive than Gerard. At least, Paul respected Doris and he was proud on her, she was indeed ambitious lady and very educated. In this moment, Doris felt very low and dirty. Gerard has many virtual women as friends, some were ugly and old, others were in cheap clothes, but he respected all and he spent all day to talk with them. When Doris appeared, he was numb and silent. So she wrote to him polite message to leave her alone. It was as business letter “our cooperation is over, go to shrink.” In some symbolic sense, Doris was bottle with pills, Gerard needed her to feel alive, but he could not respect her. He separated two things, his passion and respect and finally result was negative.

Fantasies are as white clouds, they look amazing until the storm. 

Then they will change color into grey and black. The same is with our imagination. One step too far and our dream is now nightmare. You were dreaming, but you fall from your bed and hit straight into your head. Ouch, that hurts. How can you be so stupid? You allow someone to tresspass into your privacy. That hot stranger is owner of your black side, your expression of secret desires now are his property. 

The good thing about fantasies is that we can use them as reminder.

You did not value what you had, so someone will remind you that it can be even worse. Maybe your reality is not Hollywood, but don’t want to swim in dirty water. This is risk which you take when you step into dark zone. Unknown area is maybe danger zone. This hot stranger doesn’t hold flower in his hands. He holds a bomb, which will explode every minute, together with your honor and reputation.

4 steps how to be selfish

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Selfishness is a trap without bottom. Everyone will fall into this seduced by own desires and wishes. The main difference is in control, how much are we able to resist and fight against this demonic feeling?

Every human relation will consider selfishness as enemy. Mother can’t be selfish, friends can’t think only about their needs, lovers must share things and accept opinions from other side.

How you will recognize this moment when you were selfish?

Selfishness will develop from small seed into monster plant. 

First stage: you are talking only about yourself, even you are not alone. “I think we should go there. You need to accept my proposition, i know the best.”

Second stage: denials of other wishes and needs. “I think you are not so experienced to do this. Let me do this.”

Third stage: you do mistakes, but you don’t want to admit it. “What, did i mistake? It could not happen to me, i am perfect. “

Fourth stage : you will blame others that they hurt you, without seeing your contribution. “But you insulted me and i slap you. You provoke me so i broke your nose.”

When person is selfish, she will made small circle. There will be people who are made accord her wishes. That people will clap their hands for all her actions, they will confirm what she is doing even she does wrong. This circle will be closed for everyone who thinks different. Ego is creator of this circle and such person doesn’t allow criticism or different opinions. This is small world and dictator is sitting on big chair surrounded by his smarmy friends.

The most beautiful relations develop from differences. When someone make a challenge, he will not insult you. An opposite, this person tests you how much you are brave to accept differences. The best friends i made are those i had some argument at the beginning. Once when we agreed about our preferences, we made great healthy deal. 

You can see good example of selfishness at internet pages. Add me, chat with me, like my page, accept my tags. All this is nice and interesting, but what you offer for return? Silence, ignorance, arrogance or just a hint that others are too small for you?

Famous persons are celebrities because their fans made this from them. Without audience, every cocky star would be nothing. 

Selfishness will show her dark face once when you lose friends or person who is owner of your heart. This is only medicine for egoists, because then they will be finally faced with themselves. 

“Mirror, mirror who is the most beautiful woman in the world? It must be me.” Like in old fairy tale, your ego wants to kill all rivals , but the biggest rival is inside of you. 

How to survive as weirdo?

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Some people were born to act accord social rules. As they have drafts what to say or to do in particular situations. “He knows to behave” or ” She is well educated” are just some of descriptions. When you fit in, you are safe from gossips and your circle of friends is big. Or, you just think on this way? If you are clumsy and simply stand out from usual patterns, you will have problem to be part of society, but your failures will help you to be more original.
Did you feel that you are part of wrong movie? Your personal twilight zone doesn’t have to be your disaster. For example, if you stuck between female friends who knows all about baking cakes, and you wish to disappear, it doesn’t mean that you are shame for woman species. I personally felt much better when i was drinking beer and watching football match Croatia – Mexico with my husband and male friends, when we all had so much fun even result was not good for us. I did not see myself with women who trade recipes for domestic cookies.  Probably i would yawn from boredom.
When you can be sure that you are different?
When everyone has something to say in group, and you don’t have opinion or you get bored.
 
When you feel that nobody listen your suggestions.
 
When others start to whisper and gossip about you, and you feel uncomfortable.
 
When you say something what makes others to wonder.
 
One interesting fact is : woman outsider has harder way than man outsider. Different guy is sexy and cool, but rebellious, strange woman is danger. She scares men. She could be victim of bullying. Also she could be declared as target for sex, because her mind is opened. It is not rarity that guys like to have sex with freaky women. She might know different things in bed, and she doesn’t runaway from exploring.
How you will play in this wrong movie, it depends on your character. Will you back up because all are against you, or you will walk in front of this crowd?
Some tips in this case:
Smile if crowd start to mock you. Smile is sign of self confidence.
 
Reply them on cool way. Don’t make your voice tremble. 
 
Don’t try to persuade others that you are not different than them. This is your protecting brand. If you listen heavy metal, and they are listening pop, it doesn’t make you bad person. You are not satanic person with horns.
 
Say what you think even this is opposite from majority. Let they stare at you.
Weirdos are more intelligent people and they have keys to freedom. If your clothes is different, if your accent is funny, if you eat vegan foods and everyone around you eat meat, you don’t have to be ashamed because of this. One my friend came in continental part of Croatia , and she was from Dalmatia. Her accent was different but she was talking loud and with smile, even people looked at her as she is an alien. Be proud of your roots no matter from where are you from, who are your parents and who is your partner. That is the only way that you play main role in this wrong movie, and this is not role of social clown.

Why some women need alert to chill out from guys?

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Popular man will capture much attention. Many women will try to catch him , on various ways. If you are famous model, i believe that is not easy for you. Probably, you got tired from women because they are on every corner and waiting for you. Leonardo di Caprio once made love with 3 women in the same day, he did not want to reject their offer. When you are guy who jumps out from the crowd, when everybody wants to touch you , it must be exhausting. Even worse, you will try to find ways how to get rid of boring women.

You don’t have to be famous to be in the center of attention. Some guys have charisma, and women will stalk especially them. That is in women psychology, they want guy who belong to someone else, who had many relations and adventures, and who is popular. It doesn’t mean why this guy is popular. This could be his sexy look, intelligence, money or originality. He is simply different than others, as golden bracelet from the bunch of stones.

I understand that such guy will not have an easy life. He wish to reject women, but his manners will not let him, and they will use this as their advantage.

Randy was target in woman world. Boss of private company, handsome and unmarried. His phone was ringing all the time, his colleagues wanted to sleep with him, even his business partners. He was in uncomfortable situation when one project failed because he rejected to have sex with woman who was in charge for this. She set him up when she get out from his office with ripped blouse. He had much problems when she accused him for rape. Lucky, he hired good lawyer and he solved this problem without court.

Guys will be in more uncomfortable situation than girls when it comes time to reject some women. She could be your best friend, and how you will avoid to hurt her? She could be your supervisor, so you can lose job. Also, she could be sister of your best buddy and you will have problems because he will trust to her.

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What is cold shower strategy and how to persuade women to chill out from you?

Recognize signs. If she ask any excuse to talk with you all the time, she is into you already. Your phone constantly rings and her number is always on screen, so she wants to be your shadow. Don’t answer on every call or message. You need to make a distance.

Be official, but not rude. You have no time, you are busy. This could tell her that you are not interested.

Use short words or messages, as no, sorry or thanks, i don’t want. Long explanations will lead into conflicts and you don’t need this.

If she tries to touch you or seduce you, tell her that this is unacceptable and that you feel disturbed. You see friend in her, but nothing more.

Talk about other women in her presence. Ask for her friends, sister or cousins. That should chill her out, nobody likes competition.

Be clear. Don’t use games, because she can wrongly understand your signs.

If woman is normal and healthy, she will understand that she has no chance. If she is stalker or insane, you are in trouble, but it is not unsolved problem. I read about girl who called his ex boyfriend over 10 000 times , so he notified police. That is criminal act and law will deal with this.

As much women are on target of stalkers and maniac, men are also not spared of craziness. Rejection is hard and it breaks hearts. In this situation is very important to have cold mind and nice manners. Don’t yell as savage man, don’t swear and don’t use fists. There is no need to insult woman because she crushed into you. It happens, Cupid is not always fair. Sometimes, you will be crazy in love, and your choice will be person who is not interested at all. It could be also opposite, that you don’t like person who wants to date with you.

Rejection is not against good manners, this is just an attitude that you have right to choose. You want your space for someone else, and others should be notified. Also, on that way you will get good points from other women, because you are guy with standards and principles. You know how to say no, and you don’t date with women due to wrong reasons.

Experience – gift or burden?

Experience is gift with double meaning. We learn where we failed, and later this precious knowledge will be used as lesson. Also, experience is a burden and next time when we open new chapter, doubt is around us, as grey cloud on the sky.
Sometimes, we will get out as damaged toys from love relations. Love scar will be too deep and it will heal very slow. How to date with person who has broken heart, without opening old wounds?
These are things which happens in love relations, as side effects:
Cheating. Relation with infidelity is hard burden. Partner was cheating you, and your trust is broken. Next time, when your new partner will take a look on other woman, you will imagine them in bed.
 
Violence. Partner had hard fists? You fall on the scales, you hit on the door few times on month? If your new partner raise voice, you will think he will punch you.
 
Lies. Your ex partner was a liar. He lied about his job, family roots, even he maybe had double life. Your relation was an illusion, so now you are checking twice everything what new partner will do or say.
 
Death. You lose your partner because of serious illness or by accident? Fear of losing will be present in new relation.
 
Irresponsibility. Your partner did not want to work , he lost job or he even secretly stealing your money? Now your credit card will be under lock. 
During life we met various people. This is lottery, we can’t choose who will enter in our life, but we can learn how to deal next time if something is suspicious to us. As much experience learn us, also this is an obstacle. Will you turn into hopeless person because something in your life went wrong? How to open heart to new people , how to give them chance?
Inexperienced people have easier way. They are not busy by life lessons. First love is naive, clean, pure, without doubts and expectations, without tales from ex relations. Love is a race, and we start from different positions. Man without experience is outsider. He is not aware what will be in the corner. Woman with experience is careful, she wear double glasses.
Experience can’t close new door, we can’t let it to blew new opportunities. Show that you are different, through jokes, tenderness and softness. Show patience, but don’t let your distrustful partner to make you as victim. You don’t have to pay debts of ex partner. That must be bury deep into past.