Don’t be his option after he left you

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Two people will split after problematic relation, sooner or later. Breakup suppose to be an end, but is that really true?

You will see how much someone cared about you accord his behavior after breakup.

Three situations are possible :

If he is silent, if he doesn’t talk about you around, if he just greet you in the street, that was respectable relation. You could not agree with him, but you will not jump on each other like two wild beasts.

Breakups are not always civilized so you could be victim of harassment. He is calling you, stalking you, brag bad things about you, your private moments are now at internet, your friends know all details about your relation. Shortly, you have bad luck.

Third situation is the worst, because that is caught in the middle. He doesn’t want reunion with you, but he wants you as hidden lover.

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What this really means?

He will call you when he wish. Meanwhile, be silent.

He will not date with you in public. You are his secret.

He might has new girlfriend, but you should close eyes and wait him in hope to changes his mind. 

Now this is really big fall, from his priority until his option, but you love him and you think you will be together with him again if you show patience?

I would recommend you to show him teeth. It means, cut every connection which such guy who wish to drag you into gutter. You were couple, and now you will be his hoe?

If you ask me which crazy woman would accept this options, i know many.

Love is blind when you fall for someone and suddenly you lose him. He was yours, completely, but he chilled out, circumstances were bad, you were different, and he slipped from your hands.

I would say, let him go. If you must persuade him what he lost, i am afraid you will sink in your intentions to show your value.

Breakup is as dark, blind alley. There is no way out, this is final destination. Turn on and don’t come back. Person who cut connection must follow you and prove that here is still something left .

When guy has bad intention, he will treat his ex girlfriend as tool and toy, until something new comes out. Such guys are selfish. They ask fun in the middle, before new relation.

Respectable, honest man will spare you of this. He is not into you anymore, but he doesn’t want to humiliate you either. So he will say hello and how are you and that will be all. Thank you for playing, game over.

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Why we like guys who are unavailable?

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Curiosity is in human nature. If you see closed box you will try to open it, to find out what is in it. Hidden treasure or bunch of trash? Never mind, but still you want to open it because your fantasy is poking you inside.

The same is about mysterious men. Women will often fall in men mystery. He looks like he hold secret inside, his heart is closed and his distance is so sexy. He is unavailable and this is key of his attraction.

Paul was walking mystery. He was not model, he was too skinny guy with chicken chests and also he was not tall, but women were crazy for him. His sensual lips and green eyes were magnet for women. He had more success in flirting than guys who were more handsome than he was. Also he was not gentle and good man, he was rude, sarcastic and sometimes vulgar. Women were fighting for him, because they saw someone who need love and care. Every woman thought she is the right one , that she hold the key to open this treasure box.

How to approach to Paul and how to keep him? He was jumping from one relation to another. If you are nice with him he will break your heart. If you are rude he will also break your heart. He had friend Betsy . She was observer and she was there to wipe his rage after every broken relation. It was not easy task because part of his frustration were always on her back. He blamed her that she ruined some of his love affairs. In fact he ruined this because he was making love with Betsy after every love failure.

He did not speak with her one month, because Betsy was serious obstacle for another women. She was his shadow, in every corner of his life. At least when he thought that he got rid of her, she was again there, with her devil smile. She was rude, sarcastic and very persistent woman. After he started new relation, Betsy was silent, she waited her time. She knew Paul will not be angry on her for a long time. She called him with excuse and invited him on her birthday party. How he could deny her? The rest was history, they were again in bed and Paul realized why he broke so many hearts around. Betsy opened that box a long time ago, but he was not aware of this.

Guys will ask why don’t they have success with women even they are nice, kind, gentle, even they have good salary or fast car. 
Even they are handsome, cute, sexy and kind with women. Women are not so fragile and soft as they seems so. We love mysteries, challenges, and we are rivalry. Woman like to beat another woman in the game. You want this guy, but i will have him. I will beat you in this game. He will be mine.

When guy is single a long time, he will stay single because somehow it looks desperate. 
Women will think :”Oh, why should i start with this loser, when nobody else was not there?” Say to woman that you are virgin, you will see reaction. There is no fascination with men kindness and innocence as with men rudeness or distance.

Why you involve with this guy when he is married? Why you want to flirt with guy who love another woman? That will be questions, and answers are in woman nature. We think, that we can change someone accord our wishes. I will be the last woman in his bed. He will marry me.

When guy want to capture women heart, he will play role of hard to get if he is wise.
Don’t give her everything on the first sight. You must be challenge, and she will catch you.

As much men are hunters, women also like to play this game. Remember this secret box from the start of his story. What is inside? Maybe is shit inside, but still you want to open this, because that is locked.

Why your partner sits on two chairs?

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Sitting on two chairs is a phrase for infidelity. One person is between two fires , with inability to choose . Simply, person feels comfortable in situation where she can take all the best for herself. Selfish, isn’t it? Roots of such behavior are not always in hunger for sex or mean nature. This person is not always ruthless or egoist. Maybe she is abused as kid and she felt lack of love, so this is her way to complete herself.

 

Triangles can’t last forever, because sooner or later protagonists will find out what is going on. What will be consequences? Person who was sitting on two chairs will fall on the floor.

Even this sounds out of morality, some triangles are not so dangerous.

Imagine yourself in this situations:

You are teenager and you like two guys. Which one to pick? So you will meet secretly with both.

You are married and you have virtual lover. He is far away from you, in other country, and you will never meet again.

You are bonded to your colleague at work. This is platonic and you are both in marriage, so this relation will never develop.

Many times, opportunity will make thief. I know women who were swearing on their innocence, they were more saint than angels, but their fantasies did not die. As one my friend said : “Yes i love my husband . But i like my boss. He is charming, i feel more relaxed in his presence. Well, what i can do? This is just my imagination. Reality is at home, between bunch of my plates and dirty laundry.

Monogamy is connected with discipline. In crucial moment, you need to stop. As when you are crossing road, this red light will tell you that you must stop or car will cross over you.

How long is distance between fantasy and infidelity?

 

Where are boundaries?

I exchange messages with him but we never met.

I hugged him and i did not kiss him.

I kissed him in cheek.

We drunk coffee and went home separately.

Accord one theory, little, innocent flirts might make your relation or marriage more interesting.

Married couple are often tired from obligations, they forget spontaneous things, bunch of obligations are on their back. Compliments from strangers might give you new energy. This is remainder on your youth. Your butterflies in belly were frozen? Now they woke up and fly with full wings.

Can you control your mind and your heart ? The most important thing is, be honest with your partner. You both have deal, where is red line . This feeling, when you make fool of someone who loves you, is not pleasant. Even cheater gives impression of bad person, that is far from the truth.

Person who cheats can’t sleep well.

This is path of his thoughts.

” I did not want to do this. I was horny. I will never do it again. It can’t happen anymore. I am idiot. I wish to die, seriously. I don’t deserve her love. “

Swan is faithful animal. Once when he lost partner, he is alone till the end of his life. Not many humans can’t say the same.

Are you aware how people feel after insults?

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The power of spoken word is endless. If you use hard words, someone will be hurt. Yes, every insult can cut you as knife and you will heal wounds for a days. Especially if that insult comes from person who is important to you.

Sometimes we are full of anger and rage. This anger flame is spreading like a virus, and we will say something ugly, maybe we did not think so, but in the moment when ugly word finds the way out, damage is done.

 

Patrick said something what he should not say. He had wonderful friend, he started to feel something for her, and she response on his feelings, but then they had conflict and Patrick acted like spoiled kid. He offended Jenny with his behavior. “You are silly, i laugh to you. You are jealous on other women.” Jenny just passed him info about his girlfriend , she found as duty to forward him what she knew, that his girlfriend is cheating him. Patrick broke up with his girlfriend but he got mad on Jenny. He even blamed her because she was messenger. Now is time of silence because Jenny doesn’t want to talk with him.

 

Insults are tools against vanity. We could have strong nerves, but everyone has a limit.

 

What kind of insults hurt the most?

bad words about physical look (you are fat, your legs are short, you have big nose)

– insults toward family (your mother is drunk, and your father is insane)

– insults about your financial situation (you are poor and loser)

– insults toward your partner ( your husband is idiot, your wife is slut)

It is easy to solve insults with fist. Black eye, blood from nose and here we are, that moron will learn on hard way. Also you can ask for an apology. Even press will notify readers about public apology, if they were published wrong details and info about famous people. Law of order and Criminal Law also have this options, public apology to damaged side.

If you can say i am sorry, i will not do it again, i regret, you will admit your mistakes. 
This is half way to correct your errors. When you are making an apology, you will do against your ego. That means, you are not the smartest and you did mistakes. Some people will never make apologies just because of ego. Why would someone admit anything he did wrong and show up weakness? It is better to stay bulletproof, even the price is high, that you can lose someone who was close and important to you.

It is not enough only to say – i am sorry. Oops, i did it again. My wife has black eye, i hit her, so i apologize from my heart.

 

When you apologized, what is next?

You will be careful not to hurt that person again.

You can buy flowers, make a compliment, take this person to dinner. Show your devotion with acts.

If that person will not forgive you, don’t be resistant. Wait for your chance .

Don’t force and cry. You did what you wanted to do. If person don’t have mercy for you, tears will not help you. Take it as lesson for next time.

Well mannered person will use words i am sorry, thanks, i regret. 
This is what your mother and father should teach you in childhood. This is not connected with ego or pride. Simply, when you are wrong, admit this. In business world you will write nice email with regards and with respect, and your business partner will accept this as part of your job. It makes you professional and people will have good impression about you. You should not be ashamed for fixing your wrong acts on this way.

Apology is as joker in your pocket. When all cards fail, apology is here as bonus. You can back into game if you apologize.

Don’t stand between them

 

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Conflicts are not desirable, but life is impossible without it. Lot of things came out on surface when we get angry or if someone provokes us. If you stay out of conflict, your rival can understand this as sign of fear or weakness. If you spread claws for everything, this is also not good because people can label you as hooligan.

 

People with short fuse are somehow addicted to fights and they will wait moment to jump into argument. Few words and fists are ready for battle. Croatian tennis player Goran Ivanišević was famous as person with short fuse, one wrong word of referee and he would lose nerves. So if conflict is something what you can’t avoid, and it bothers you, there is no other choice.

What happens when we invade in other’s conflicts?

Shall we be sentry person for fights, someone who is professional intervenor in everything what is burning around?

 

 

Imagine that you have friend and someone attack him or her. What will you do? 

There are few choices.

Stay out of this.

Help your friend.

Don’t interfere on direct way, give your advice from background.

Someone will say : “I would do everything for my friends. I would die for them. ” Before you introduce yourself as hero, check out is this smart. Would you hurt yourself to help your friend? Are you sure that your friend deserve this? Are you sure that one day he will do the same for you?

Imagine situation where husband beats his wife, and you are neighbor who watch this. I know the case where neighbor hero involved into this fight and woman reported him to police. Why he touched her husband who kick her into nose? That is personal thing. And what if she stays without her nose, but this is her beloved husband. In this case, poor neighbor felt as shit.

Friends are not always people who think the same.
We might have different friend circle. Ok, i love person A, but i don’t like person B who is her friend, and i will not blame her if she likes person B. This is her choice. As long she doesn’t do secret conspiracy against me, i don’t care who are her friends. I think many friendships would be past if we would pay attention of everyone’s choice. This world is not big brotherhood. Respect me enough not to gossip me in the front of other friends, and i give you choice. I accept you as you are, even i don’t like girl who drink coffee with you.

Now, there is situation where unknown intervener try to help you in your conflict. This is as in prison, someone offers you his protection.

Why someone would like to help me, even i see him first time in my life?

Few options:

Person wants something for return. Sex, money or another favor.

Person hates someone who attacked me. So this is personal.

Person likes to act as hero. Big ego needs new food.

One night was unlucky for Robin. She lost her way home, in unknown city. Her friends left her after big argument and gone with their car. Alex offered her help, to drive her home. In the middle of this journey, Alex stopped his car and tried to kiss her. She went out and runaway.

There are very small number of people who will help you without any reason. So let’s assume that they exist. I would feel as debtor. And i would return them favor, even they don’t ask. Because that is me, i have feeling of duty and responsibility.

How publicity rape victim second time?

Topic about raping is always sensitive area. Partly, people will judge abuser, but victim will not stay untouched too. Some will wonder, did victim provoke attack? What she wore? Why she was drinking? How she behaved? Some will wonder about manipulation, and others will pity naive person.

This is one example how things went wrong. Place of event: city Zadar. Persons: five guys, one girl. All are young and they still going to high school.  Young girl were raped on the beach, since late evening until early morning. She was drunk and her memory was empty.  Her body was wounded and her mother reported this event another day.

The victim said she did not know all that guys, they just met at party, while she was drunk and vomit, so they offered taxi to drive her home. Instead of safe way home, she was raped.

Not all is so simple. When woman is raped, she will fight, bite, scratch man who force her for sex. That girl did not remember at all. Young guys used opportunity, when she was totally drunk to use her. New Criminal law in Croatia consider this criminal act as sex without acceptance. That means, if victim change her mind during sex, that is denial. Punishment for this criminal act is easier than for rape. Also, young guys were not convicted before, this is their first criminal act.

What happens if woman is not able to say no? 

For sure, it doesn’t mean acceptance. No matter, if woman is drunk, numb or retarded, if she is not able to say yes, if she is under pills or drugs, this is force. Young guys understood this as part of wild, sick game and they used opportunity. They were competition, who will do “work” on better way. Like in movie with Jodie Foster “The accused”. That girl was alone, unprotected, she wanted to have fun and she got horror story.

Now, she is exposed to be victim one more time. Court trials are painful, every law rule has hole, and no matter what will happen with this guys, she will be damaged to the rest of her life. It was bad fate or she was not careful?  Maybe her parents did not take care enough? Consequences are here, no matter what caused that event.

Law is here to protect us, police is here to make law rules real, parents are here to educate us, but we must think about our acts at first.

The point of this story is, nobody can take care of you enough if you don’t take care of yourself. You know your environment and places which are notorious on some way, you know that is not safe to walk alone in the middle of the night.

Nobody said that you are completely safe if you have boyfriend or if you don’t go out tonight, but by logic, chances to be in danger are smaller if you are not alone. It is like in jungle, lion will stalk fove when she walks alone in free space. After that lion will tear weak animal on pieces.

That is what that guys did, they drag this girl alone in the car. The rest was history. Consequences will stay even it supposed to be just one night for party.

Who spread rumors after breakups?

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Every gossip was once just small story. With time it was growing into big news. People will always have fun with updated stories about the same event, especially if this is something what someone likes to hear.

When Laura split with Peter, his version of story was:

” She was obssesed with me. Also very jealous on everybody in my presence. She believed that she is the best and more worthy than everyone else. It was nightmare for me, because that woman loved herself so much that i felt she is cheating me with herself. I was just small spot in her life.”

Laura said different story.

” He was playboy and cheater. He did not had standards at all. Even cleaner lady in his office could have sex with him, because he is not picky. And he is crying man without guts, so in this relation i was the one who wear trousers. I want real man, not toy boy.”

Their common friends had much fun with this story. But as defected phone, when such story is spreading around, people will hear many updates. So, next Peter’s girlfriend, Hellen, heard this story:

I think Peter is bisexual, because once she caught him how to use her parfume. Imagine this. And Laura has problem with nerves, she is control freak and i heard once he slaped him so heard that he had black eye.”

 

When two people split, dirty laundry will appear everywhere. Today on social networks, you can be kind of buzz, which is very unpleasant. Something was saint once, and the same is tool for laugh today. Big Brother is watching everywhere, and without censure.

If you respected and loved your ex, go forward and forget. Or you wish to taste celebrity life, at least for one day?