A long time ago my mother told me: “Be careful with whom you are hanging out. ” She knew that my friend, who was 15 years old then, already have a boyfriend, who is 8 years older than she is. She saw them during summer holidays at river beach, how they cuddle each other without shame, in publicity. She said that she is not good company for me, because she is obviously experienced, and filthy.
A few years ago I realized my mother has spoken the truth. That friendship broke because my friend X was an indeed embarrassing person, without inhibitions and indeed selfish. After all, her boyfriend wanted to touch me once, when I was very young, and I was shocked by his behavior. That man was perverted, and she did not see that. They split later, as my mother knew what will happen.
My parents never made differences between reach and poor, smart and limited, ugly or pretty people. Just, they always suggested me to care about my reputation. If you are associated with such people, they said, others will not see differences. I really realized that is true.
When I nowadays say that I am glad I am picky about friends, I mean next:
I love to hang out with people who help me to progress.
I like people who are loyal to me.
I like people who will not make me ashamed of publicity.
I like honest people, who will not lie to my face.
I don’t like sugar-coated people.
I don’t like people who are self-centered.
I don’t like people who try to copy me, my decisions, my lifestyle or anything else.
I don’t like dependable people.
What I learn, is to separate people from their actions. I saw her with her boyfriend, we were young, and he brought me in ungrateful position because people thought that I am like her, and I was just a kid. I forgave her this, but later I saw she will do everything just for her own sake, as she did not care how I feel or what I think.
Friendship is not one side alley. Two women are going out, one is focused to follow her ex-boyfriend, will they follow him all night or they will listen what other side say?
Some people think that friends are the only audience for listening, but when they need to listen, they became suddenly deaf.
Why do we need to pick our friends? It doesn’t matter who is pretty, rich, poor, noble or successful. That are shallow qualities. What really matters are well intentions. When you see your friend in trouble and you think all day how to help him. When you see your friend is busy and you wait your time, not to disturb him. When your friend makes you favor, and you never forget this and next time you are happy to give him feedback. When you say your honest opinion even your friend doesn’t like it, but you say because you care and you wish to be honest.
I know when I wear something, that I will ask the opinion of my friend because she will never say that something is great if it is not. She will not mock me, but she will say that I can dress something better. I know when I ask her advice about marriage, she will not make the situation so beautiful, she will say how it is, very realistic. That kind of friends is rare but possible to find.
So when my mother said: “Be careful with whom you are hanging out”, she thought about people who will not stab me in the back, who will earn my trust and appreciate me.