Why you must open your heart?

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Open your heart and you will know all answers. How many people are able to open their hearts? It is easy to extroverts.

Popular drama queen is again sad. Soon everybody will know that Sasha broke up with his boyfriend. She is listening loud music, crying at school and all her friends are invited to memorial party. Her parents are desperate. They have big internet bill because of her tragedy, she is 24 hours at computer and on cell phone. Yes, her  boyfriend Thomas left her.

Sasha is an extrovert. Her feelings are reality show. If she hates someone, that person will know this very well. When she loves, also everybody know. She is noisy, sometimes pathetic and dangerous for her environment. She has need to share her secrets even with total strangers. Once she met woman at bus station and exposed her relation with ex boyfriend Alex in all details. Woman just replied with yes or no and with rolling eyes. Balanced emotions are treasure. Why should everybody know what we passed in life? My neighbors had many conflicts. I could listen husband and wife on next door every morning. They exchanged so many filthy words. On the street, they were different couple. She was so sweet and kind to him, and he was careful with her. Someone would said, ideal couple.

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Extroverts and introverts are two extreme sides . Introvert is person who dig emotion in kind of grave. Nobody will know what they feel. I knew a guy who said :” I never loved someone, i have very little dose of feelings indeed.” That is not possible, he was just hurt and he built a wall that nobody can’t cross over it. You might have bulletproof mask, but it will not protect you forever. If you feel something for someone, say it or show it on decent way. Don’t push, force or cry. Just try , take your chance.

It is very important to read between lines. Some people are hurt, inexperienced and immature when it comes the time to show love. Guys will poke girls, they can say even filthy words to get their attention. They will say i hate you, even they think i love you. Some men don’t like the way how they lose control over themselves. When you admit that you are in love, other side has power. They afraid of rejection and laugh. Nobody died from denials and rejections, so why not take a risk? The worst kind of emotions are unexpressed . Imagine that you miss a chance, that you see happily married girl, and you did not say her that you love her? So she found another guy. Also, you can reject great man and change your mind, because you were not clean with your feelings.

Words i love you are the keys. You can have right or wrong keys, but it is worthy that you try to open the door. Start knocking and you will see what will happen.

Fairy tale about drunk lady

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In ancient fairy tale Cinderella is sober girl who came to dance with king,  dressed as queen.  When midnight come, she will lost shoe . As it is predictable, king will try to find awesome girl who lost shoe because she captured his heart. Good girls never get drunk, as moralists say, so she left this place with sober mind.

Nowadays Cinderellas would like to capture man’s heart, but it takes courage and liquor could help to kill shame and to make them braver. Let’s approach him drunk, all chains will fall.

Being woman has an advantage. When my friend celebrated birthday in night club, he was undressed. During party he did striptease on half way, so i broke glass, in the moment of excitement. Really it was nice to see all that pieces of glass on the floor, and i was nervous because of crowd. Other drunk people didn’t want to move from my way, so i broke glass. Bodyguard saw my friend and warned him to wear the shirt. He did not say nothing to me, even i smashed glass. I had only innocent smile and confused face.

 

 

Reasons for being drunk are various:
More self confidence, 

more sex appeal, 

more courage to do things you would not 

or you even dance better with influence of liquor.

 

As in story about Cinderella, when midnight gone, she is again poor ordinary girl. And all that glamorous things went away, just vanish in front of her eyes. And what if she get drunk in this fairy tale? Prince would get sex before marriage and she would be declared as easy girl. It would be story for adult, not for kids without life experiences.

 

The only reminder on previous drunk night is headache. Oh yes terrible headache, and toilet is the best friend. You will only recognize bottle of water near bed, because you will be very thirsty after alcohol kills all vitamins.

 

You will make just one promise “Do not do it again.” Now guy is not important. What is important where is your money, why your clothes is full of stains and did you maybe fall somewhere because you have scratches. If tomorrow is your working day, you will need bunch of coffee to stay awake.

When you will put your hand on fire?

 

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Charles Darwin said : “Only the strongest survive.” What happens with people who are not so strong , will they vanish ? That kind of people deserve good defense. As lion will defend lioness, in human blood is to protect children and others who can’t stand for their rights alone.

What would you do for your dearest friends, brothers, sisters, and for your sweetheart if someone tried to hurt them? I believe, as much you despise violence , you would to everything to protect them from evil.

When i was little girl, i went with my younger sister in park, at playground. There was swing  and she was swinging . She was 4 years old, and i was 8. Suddenly, older boy came and start to push her, he wanted to swing too. I was afraid that she will fall and hurt herself, so i slapped him into face with fist. He pushed me, but i was so furious that i was punching him with all my strength so he started to cry from fear. I was little monster, and my father came to separate us. That boy never approached to me after this.

Now i am thinking on this way. I don’t afraid for myself because i am enough strong to resist to every threat. I afraid for people who are close to my heart. I believe that many people think on this way, because it is much easier to take care for yourself than for others. That is responsibility. You know yourself, you will get up after fall , you will arise from the dust. How it will be with others? Look at behavior of duck. She fly around to pull attention on herself, to protect  little ducks in the case of attack of wild animals. That is her instinct for survival, she will rather sacrifice herself for the sake of her little family.

Real face of friends and enemies is revealed when they are in danger. 

Mafia association is established on this basic rule: “once when you join to us , there is no way back, just in coffin. ” So they will hurt you and members of your family. If you drag your beloved people in your troubles, it will hurt you more than own death.

You will also guess thinking of kidnappers: “I want  money of this rich man and i will ask for big ransom, i will take away his daughter or son.”

Our beloved people are our Ahil’s feet. Everyone has a price, and once you press red button, that person is in your power.

 

If you are devoted person, this is your advantage because people can count on you. You are diamond treasure, so your friends are under your shelter. Bad side of this value is that someone can use your devotion in bad purposes, to take an advantage. Don’t be action hero for someone who doesn’t deserve this, there is no sense to put hand in fire for insignificant person. People who interfere in street fights are not always clever, they can get out with broken nose, and others will not say even thanks.

After all, devotion is protected and authorized. Not everyone is able to reach this, but those who have it, are lucky. It is nice when you are connected with someone who will put hand on fire for you .

Now, what do you think, who is worthy that you risk for him? Or, did you regret because you put hand on fire for wrong person?

10 ways how to test your trust in people

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It is very easy to get fooled. Someone cheated you, you are misguided? Don’t blame yourself, it could happen to everyone. Difference is in way, how to get out from this and avoid future disappointments.

Naivete is sign of trust, just in extreme form. If you believe in everything, you are naive.

Life would be boring without risks. If you are too cautious, you step into paranoid area. Wow, everyone is against me, i am on black list and for sure this is again my bad luck. On that way, you close yourself into golden cage, and nobody could harm you. How to open your soul to others? Who can make guarantee that you will find treasure, and that you will not stuck in the trap?

Here are the most often traps for naive people, and you are not the only one who will fail. 

1. salesman and his skills 

You bought something what is not necessary and you spent big money, because salesman persuaded you in value of his products? Look at your wardrobe, there are dresses you will never wear. Here is jewelry without values, fake pearls and cheap necklace, but it looks good on first sight.

2. big chance for easy money

Many advertising about earning big money on easy ways fooled many people. Everyone will think “but i will be the one who will really earn.”

3. masters of tarot, black magic, love spells

This woman saw that you will get marry next year? You are still single but you gave her 100 euro? You are not first and not the last.

4. virtual marriage proposal

Your prince charming promised you to get marry and then he disappeared after you lend him money? Call someone who have similar experience.

5. big lottery won, roulette, slot machines

Las Vegas, Monte Carlo, expensive casinos over the world, and everyone dream about jackpot. You think you are the one who will win? But others think about this too.

6. meeting with agent who promised you to make star from you

You want to be famous and this man promised you this? Suddenly you are victim of human trafficking, porno industry or you simply got fooled. You enter into twilight zone.

7. online shopping

Cruel stats and numbers are black evidence, how many people get fooled with online shopping. Empty pockets and wallets are reality.

8. liberty movements, sects

You wish to escape from reality, and spiritual person promised you better world? Suddenly, you are without passport and money, but you are member of sect and they can do with you whatever they want.

9. politicians promises

You are member of political group and they promised you good job, when they win on elections. Nothing for you, still? Keep searching.

10. pills for losing weight

You paid big money to lose your weight, but you are even more fat than before? At least, your wallet is thin.

Everyone who wants success in life must develop sense for reality.

It doesn’t mean that you need to give up from dreams and hopes, but you need info. Numbers don’t lie. If 90% people slip in some area, will you enter into 10% who did not? Maybe your neighbor won on the lottery, but it doesn’t mean that you are next. Your cousin got married for rich man after they know each other 2 months? She got luck, but exceptions doesn’t make rules.

Big decisions are investments. First you need to study your situations, otherwise you will buy cat in the bag. There is no guarantee that you will protect yourself from bad surprises, but at least don’t jump on first offer. Also, if you did mistake, your knowledge will help you to get out faster from this. If you see cat in the bag, throw this bag and runaway.

Are you just his number?

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Some women are always satisfied with remains of man’s attention. Their legendary statements are: „let he comes home“, „now is all  right between us“ or „other girls are for sex and i will stay with him“ . That is confirmation that woman is pleased with part of love and attention, as someone who waits on the line. It is easier to fool yourself, lie to yourself or having a relationship which exists only in your mind.

We women are emotional species and it is hard for us to fake love with someone who is not our soul match. If you are not gold digger who cares only for money, you will not be with someone you don’t care about.  You can date with him night or two, but later is phase of pretending, acting and feeling of sickness, nuisance and conscience’s guilt because you use someone who doesn’t owe your heart.

Relations with men who are not in your heart or if they are just dear to you are indeed waste of time. You will sit with someone at coffee table and your eyes will be around, for better opportunity. He will introduce you to his handsome friend and you will regret why he sits next to you when he has so attractive buddies.  He will buy you gift, and you would like to throw this into garbage box. Really, relation with someone who can’t swap you on feet or make you to lose your breath is as raping of yourself.  It is dry love, without heart beats.

Men are on different side , they are another story. Indeed some men are sophisticated and they will not go in bed with every woman, or some will reject even beautiful woman because they are in love in someone else, but also many men will accept flirt offer even they don’t like particular woman. Many men will accept offer for one night to please their ego or that society not consider them as cuckolds. As man’s circle would say : „Why you don’t shag her, you don’t have to marry her. „

Here is time to soap opera because not every woman will recognize that she is on the way station. Some women will gain fake hope that they seduced beloved man. Other women will think , yes he slept with me and it means something. They will say, he would not accept to have sex if he did not care. If hot meeting repeats, their beliefs will be even deeper. Such women collect crumbs whole life and if they spent night with attractive man, they will say „at least he was hot guy“ or „it was night to remember. „

How to realize that you were on way station with your man? How to avoid repeating this mistake?

You were author of this meeting. You called him, sent him messages, and he replies after few attempts , after  you bored to him or he is just silent without many question .

You made plans about meeting and all details, maybe you paid expenses too.

He is quiet and he doesn’t call you after you met. You call him but he is busy.

You attacked him but he is silent again and try to get out from situation with short sentences as „forgive me, it would not work out, i am not guy for long relations. „

Woman in love is blind trophy. She is as one eyed cat and she sees only one side of story. His kiss, his gentle hug, few excuses and soft words. Even if it happens only once, she asks for explanations and blame herself because she did not make enough efforts or she could not keep a guy.

When Ellen was so persistent to stalk Andrew in night club and she came there every weekend just to kiss with him in dark corner, her friend Alison was so worried. She has rolling eyes while Ellen talked about hot Andrew who is so good kisser and she warned her that is not good way to be with guy. This was love by force, while Andrew was waiting Helen’s first step , but he never asked her to date. After three weeks Alison decided to talk with Andrew because she was tired of stories of broken heart.  Andrew accepted her call and gave his explanation : „Well, i am not with Ellen. She is with me, but i am not her boyfriend, she just came to me so i don’t want to hurt her. „

Men who use women as way stations are not enough cruel to say them straight into face real truth. They are charming players, they go on sideways, they wait until women realize the point or until it become boring.  They pull women to leave them because they ignore them, provoke them, underestimated them or they just use silence as answer.  Well, this situation has deadline and that is why is easy to define it. You can’t call someone ten times without feedback. You can’t repeat always the same to the guy without his attention or will to even listen to you and fix his mistakes. He simply doesn’t care.

Way stations are not final destinations. These are wrong turn, places before main path , so that is why that places are defined by deadline. If you are woman who was in his life 5 minutes and he doesn’t extend your deadline, say goodbye to him. Go on main destination with smile on your face and warn your female friends that way stations are not comfortable zones.

Do you live in the box?

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If you wish to search key of life, remember all pain which you passed. Under this pain was joy and achievement, because you earned this. You did not surrender, you were struggling, you faced with all troubles and still you keep walking. That is real life, maybe under your expectation, but the biggest reward is that you participated.

When someone dies, we look on his life, as history. Person who had lot of love, family and friends did not live in vain. This person will leave track and memories. I don’t believe in miracles and i see all unexpected events as bonus. The rest is on me, and there is no game if i don’t want to play.

The saddest part of life is not death. The worst thing you can ever do, is to surrender. If you close yourself in the box, you are dead since you were born. Passive people, chickens and cowards are living in the cage, with big fear that someone will open their cage and air of life will blow them into unknown place.

How does it look, when you are living in the box?

You never went out from place you were born. Your house is your shelter, and you live under umbrella.

You will avoid to travel, because undesirable things could happen to you.

You will avoid love relations, when you realize that their content is also sadness and pain.

You will never work, because unpleasant people are around you.

You will be bohemian person, without friends, because friends can hurt you also.

You will never risk if you are not 100% sure that you should accept an offer.

Let me introduce Aida to you. She is religious girl and she has strong faith in God. Her little world is locked with thousand keys. She lives with parents and relatives in big house. She never had job and relation. She never made love with man. She never left her city, even for small trip. Aida has 40 years old. She is pretty woman, educated and she is definitely not stupid. What is wrong with her? She believes that her God will bring her miracles. She is untouchable and she broke many friendships because people were terrified with her story. She believes, that real man will knock at her door. In her dreams, he is rich, smart , handsome as model and he loves only her. Then they will live in big house with big family. During her life, Aida met some impostors and she blamed bad fate for this. Problem was, she was never able to get out from her box and to face it with life. All this real opportunities were not good enough to her, because her standards are very high. So, still she is waiting for her Prince charming.

We can easy know when someone is living in the box.

If you try open talk with this person, she will be insulted, because you show reality.

She will watch movies, soap operas and she is probably in love in main actor from some romantic comedy.

She will make gossips about others, because she lives through their lives.

She will try to compare herself with others. So, even she is alone, it is better than husband who earn small money or husband who is not so handsome. She would not let him approach to her box.

Why we are humans? We will did lot of efforts and mistakes, we will be sad, angry, embarrassed or even devastated. If you have guts, you will wipe dust and get up, as Phoenix. Real people arise from the dust with smile. Winner will never accept even to get into box.

Winner has wings and fly in open, insecure heaven. There is maybe dangerous eagle and circumstances are against him. That is the beauty of life, black background with red roses. Pick up your rose and repaint your background, because you can do it. Throw out key of your box, and then burn this box.

Why some women stalk beloved men?

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Harassment is sign of despair. When person try to get with force something what he cannot get on nice way, that is call for help. In many cases women will talk about sexual abusers, pushy maniacs who disturb them in real and virtual life. So called male pigs are everywhere, starting from early childhood when guys pull on hair little girls, asking for their attention, and until nowadays when man whistle to sexy woman on the street.
For sure, every woman faced with unpleasant situation. You are walking and bunch of manual workers are yelling “Hey chick, come here sweetheart. Come to me baby , give me your number. ” I see smirk on your face because every normal woman would not fall on pushy man. Now, imagine yourself in different situation. You saw handsome man in the street and start to stare at him. Next step, you wish to know his name, number of his phone, place where he is living. Sit on the bench in park where he is sitting, just to talk with him. He might roll with his eyes, but he is polite and he will listen what you wish, before he shows you way out.
As much world is filled with pushy men, the same is on woman’s side. Men will say that is good to meet pushy women with open mind, because of easy sex. Also, in the times of despair, men will use pushy woman to fill their needs for talk, dating, feeding ego. Well, not all men are the same and if you are really annoying woman, you are turn off example.
Helen went with her new boyfriend in local night club. Paul was never there, cause he was from another city and he wanted to see place where Helen live. They went to have fun and that night was big crowd. Paul felt that local women stare at him, he was different from domestic guys, his clothes was fancy and he had gentleman’s style. Soon he felt hand on his butt . One of local “ladies” pinched his butt and smiled to him. Helen was very angry and drag his boyfriend on other part of club. Paul was equally surprised. His reaction was : “Don’t worry my dear, she is indeed ugly. And it never happened to me before. “
Maybe some other guy would think that is very cool to pinch him for butt, but Paul was gentleman and he had his standards. That woman was cheap in his eyes, and his girlfriend Helen raised her price. After all, Helen did not approached him first. He saw her mysterious smile and offered her drink and it was beginning of their story.
If you think guys are rude, if you had no success with guys, think about are you doing some mistakes.
This mistakes will rate you low:
You send your half naked photos to guys on internet, even you hardly know them.
 
You comment other photos as you never saw men. “Wow, gorgeous, perfect, masterpiece!”
 
You walk around half naked , inviting guys for a date or ask their number . 
 
You don’t mind if guy you wish is already taken or even married.
Now, imagine yourself in bar full of men, and you want to buy a drink. One man hug you around neck, other man push glass of beer next to your mouth. Third man slap your butt. Abusing, start of raping, violence, right? Well, in women world is also possible to get bad experience. Handsome guy might feel unpleasant when woman’s crowd scream his name as he is rock star. Woman could abuse on many ways, and still she will tell that she is a woman and that is allowed, because woman can’t rape man.
When man has soul, he doesn’t want to be raped on verbal way or emotional or any other way. When you push yourself as opportunity to particular man, you take him away his choice. Then, he will think in two direction : he might reject you and show you the door or he might use you for purpose, but i guarantee you that he will not call you again.
Maybe you enjoy to be woman on first line, but it is not nice if you expose yourself as bad example. You don’t need to beg, force or negotiate with man, if you want man. Some others might kill for your attention.

Can you introduce yourself as black sheep?

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Society is covered by rules. Don’t do this, be careful with this, you should not do this. Conformists will follow this rules without complaining because they need this as orientation. This is like compass for them, how to behave if you don’t write tips. They would be lost.

An opposite, rebels make own rules which are not in harmony with rules of society. It doesn’t mean that rebels will behave against law, they will simply not fit in .

It was end of school year and children in class decided about celebration. In former Yugoslavia, all parties were with folk music, and singers as Lepa Brena were very popular. Everybody in class accepted to make celebration with bellows, but Maja said no. Sound of bellows was awful for her ears. She did not come that day in school, simply she stayed at home. They said to her that she is an awesome sausage, in Yugoslavia it was symbol for black sheep.

Maja was fan of Metallica and she stayed by her taste and attitude. Her friends were gossiped her, but she did not care.

– Why you did not come? Everybody talks about you how weird you are.

Strange, weird, odd, just some of description to mark different people. Especially in socialism, there was principle of equality. All people should be modest and equal. Just, some were more equal than others, that was real truth.

Next case happened in prom night. Sandra did not want to dance, and guys were laughing to her. Girl, and you don’t know to dance? Let me teach you. Sandra did not accept this. She simply wanted to sit and talk. Why to force her for something she did not want?

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Black sheep lives on different way.

Childhood –  i will not play with Barbie dolls because i don’t like them

Youth – i will not smoke, drink or have sex because everyone else do this

Maturity – i will not listen my boss because i have right to ask other opinions or i have my ideas

Old age – i am not sick so i don’t want to go to medical center

If you are black sheep, you are not sensitive on critics, you don’t have much friends , but you have the biggest choice. Be sure, others are envious and jealous because you have guts. You paid your price, but you got an award, to authorize your personality as brand.

Why some people believe in lies?

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Tell me lie and i will feel cheated or hurt. If you found out that someone is a liar, you will judge him and for sure that person will not be desirable friend. Now try to look at this from different angle, so then you will know why lies are popular and why liars can survive. As long in this world are naive and weak people, they will be excellent food for liars. Liars are sharks, and naive people are small, tasteful fishes, ready to be someone’s meal.

Reality is not beautiful fairy tale. Even when life praise you with gifts and rewards, there is always a catch. This is as cake with flies , so sweet at first sight but you can’t eat this because when fly sits there, it will be disgusting. For example, one day you finally found job . You were unemployed for a long time, and suddenly you have well paid job. Are you happy now? Now you have annoying colleagues, bitch sits with you in office and talk loudly at phone, radio is playing and you can’t stand that music, and when you go to lunch pause someone will sit at your table and brag with screaming voice about work. So your ears will pain because you can’t stand this. But you have job.

Now here are some situations, when people like to hear lies, not naked truth.

Patient who is seriously sick would like to hear that his situation with health will get better.

Woman fall in love in man, he doesn’t love her, but she wish to hear that he loves her. She would like to hear this sweet words even it is not true.

You are chubby and you want new dress, even you can’t breath, you will believe to salesman who said that you look perfect as model.

You don’t have idea about singing, but when you are in karaoke party, you wish to hear that everyone enjoyed in beautiful sound of your voice.

In the time of elections politicians will say many fake promises, and people will swallow this as candies.

Your parents will tell you that you are successfull, pretty and smart, even you don’t feel like this and this is not everytime true. 

Here we come to the next point. If we wish real truth, we should ask objective people for facts. Don’t ask for real opinion someone who is crushed in you, someone who is addicted to you at financial side or someone who wants to use you for purpose. Ask someone who doesn’t know you so good, and you will get right answer, because that person is free from guilt and fear that he will hurt you.

The most resistant fans of lies are those who cannot handle the truth because they are insecure in own abilities. They need to hear sweet words because that is their wall against all troubles.

Walter is average man with average work and average life. Everything in his life is in the middle. He can’t find girlfriend because he likes those who don’t like him, and girls who would like to date with him are not desirable from his side. He prefers kind women , and he aware of open minded ladies, because they are threat to his weak self esteem.

So he  started to search for a soulmate in internet. His profile page got unexpected number of women, he became popular. All women suddenly wanted to be with him.

His friend Ian laughed to him and told him this:

Did you checked that profiles? Half of them are fake and old. Some are maybe transvestits or gays. And some of that women have double or triple pages. So, when you eliminate your fans, at the end here is maybe one or two who is real.

 

Walter was furious , especially when Lara, woman with beautiful photos, started to talk with him every day. She was obsessed and she followed him everywhere. After one month she was revealed as fake. Other friends said that she was woman in fifties, with two children and husband. She was ugly and Walter was not first man who was fooled with her.

Life is not love story.

The main heroes in life are not knight, princess or king. Real winners in real life are people who can take things as they are, without need to make them better in fake sense. If you can accept that your lover is sometimes grumpy, that your girlfriend is not so pretty without makeup or that your friends are not always sweet and kind, you are winner.

Otherwise, you will swallow every lie on your way, because you were not enough brave to deal with the facts.

Why relations from comfort are not good to get over someone?

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Space between breakup and new relation is still unfilled. You think about your ex, but he is not coming back and now new guy is in the game.

Sometimes we need comfort, tight hug and shoulder for crying. We are weak and savior is here to rescue us.

The problem is when we are not fall in love, we are just grateful. New guy in our life, he spread hands to catch us, he falls in love, but we are cold and unready. 

Old saying recommended : if you want to heal from previous love, find new love. Like, put new safe bandage on this wound. What if we hurt someone in this attempt to forget?

Sylvia was broken after relation with Richard. He left her because of younger woman, and she was in pieces. She did not go out for a months. Brian was beside her, to make a comfort, because he knew her from childhood, they were neighbors and he was “man for all.” She leaned on him in every trouble. She wanted human touch now, soft kisses, smiles and passion, all what she had with Richard. 

Brian loved Sylvia a long time ago, but he waited her to be single. He could not interfere in her relation, but when she had breakup he was so happy, like his deep prayers realized finally. Sylvia accepted his offer for dating, to turn this friendship into love relation. 

Soon, she acted like spoiled brat. Nothing was good enough for her. She wanted to make new Richard from Brian, he was her punching bag. When Brian said “i love you”, Sylvia replied “thank you.” She did not give love back. After some time, she make wish to spend night with Brian. She wanted sex, and Brian wanted to please her. When he started to kiss her, she pushed him away. She saw that wall , Richard face in front of them. Richard gone, but still he was in every corner of her life. 

If we did not get over previous partner, it is wrong to start something new. 


Some time of adjustment, pending phase will be more practical. Find out what makes you happy. Better buy new dress than find new partner. Clean yourself from poison inside you. If you rush in new relation , you can hurt someone who is innocent. Simply, that is chain of unhappiness and you are member of this chain. Someone hurt you, now is your turn to hurt somebody else. That someone must pay, does it matter who is he? Heart and ego must regenerate. 

You have zero situation. Now you feel even worse. You are not just a victim, you are sadist. Are you better than your former boyfriend?

Partner for comfort is not partner for love. Being someone comfort is not grateful position. You are just passenger in this relation. You are travelling with free ticket , in unknown destination. When your ship gone, you will stay alone again.