Who is your friend with benefits?

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You are hungry for passion and you are not in relation? Relation is indeed obligation and it takes lot of attempts to find right partner. Sometimes we can be so busy that we have no time to focus on special person in our life, to reply on every SMS and every phone call, to support that person in the case of troubles or problems.

If we are not ready for relation, we must be honest. Here is an option if you don’t want to be alone but also if you don’t want to be bonded with someone. This solution is friend with benefit.

Samantha was excellent student, she was running for future career and education was her dream. She wanted to become successful lawyer. All her relations broke because she was so busy with exams, seminars and also she was working in library during her free time. Her partners felt that they are  unnecessary things and all gone from her life. This stressful life make her frustrated because she needed sex. She didn’t want to be promiscuous because of her reputation. So she had deal with her best friend Frank. From time to time, they had dates with sex. Frank was single, also not ready for obligations and he liked Samantha so they had casual sex once at week. But then Frank found girlfriend and Samantha became jealous. He was cheating his regular girlfriend with Samantha and that relation broke. Frank and Samantha involved feelings and they became real couple. This story had happy ending.

 

Melissa had no such luck. Her friend Ronald used her for sex, but she hoped it will be different. She realized after one year that it will never change, because Melissa was only sexual toy for Ronald. He was nice with other girls, but he did not know when Melissa has birthday, what is her’s sister name and so many things important to respect person. She took him benefits and broke that connection, with tears.

What is important if you decide to have friend with benefit?

check out is that person single

– accept that is deal only for sex

– don’t be jealous on his or her private life, your meetings are just for sex

– you can get out from that “relation” anytime, without explanation

– don’t judge or blame your friend with benefit, it was deal from the start

If you are not stable person, if you live in dreams or it is easy to deceive you, this kind of relation is not for you. This is game of nerves and your feelings must shut down. Even if that “relation” become something serious, it will not be with force or because you beg for real love. It will be spontaneous.

 

Think about that person, how much benefits he or she deserve , because you are master of your body. Also be sure that person knows to keep a secret, because some people are corny and traditional. Maybe your future partner could not accept that you had friend with benefit. Let it be your sweet secret.

Temptations – demons on your way

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You made decision and that is your final word. Can you stand behind your attitude when temptation knock at your door? That is harder part. Accord experience, many circumstances will try to rock your plan. You said, i will never do it again, but then something or someone stand on your way.

No matter is your decision about love or friendship, private area is always tough task. You decided not to talk with your best friend because she hurts you. She came and cry, she will give you promise not to do it again, she offers you flowers and chocolates, just to forgive her. Then, if your heart is soft, you will give her another chance. Guess what? Probably, she will screw you again. The question is, how much you will tolerate before you can officially call yourself a fool?

If you are weak on your naughty lover, things are more harder. He will take you into bed and situation is solved, if you look at things from his angle. This is not even near to solution. He kissed you but still he is jerk able to cheat you with every woman, without regrets. He will look at your friends, even sister, in intention to show himself as fatal Casanova. Yes, he will hurt you again.

Your final decision has the biggest enemy, and that is so called temptation. Now you are on diet, but what happens when someone offers you an ice cream? Also, you swear that you will not answer on messages from your ex boyfriend, but he wrote so romantic note that you must reply to him.

What is magic formula, how to hold on your decisions and make it real?

Always check all circumstances around you. If you see anything suspicious, stay silent and wait.

Don’t trust to people who already screwed you. They need double check.

Don’t feel regret or sadness if you hurt someone who hurt you before. This is paycheck.

Jump into this situation if you have to. You will get burn and next time you will not repeat this again.

Advises are not desirable thing. I know i don’t like to listen advises, especially if i did not asked for it. Also, it is easier to judge from comfortable situation. The best adviser is person who was in your skin before. If someone passed similar or same path, listen to this person. Word final is always drastic. I know what you think, how is sad not to talk with someone again, not to give him chance. Or, how is hard to resist to temptation. This is rat race in the circle. You give chance to someone, he screws, you cry and then again. How much does it need before you felt totally exhausted from that evil demons?

Sometimes, destiny will decide instead of you. For example, Adele was crazy for Thomas, and he played with her 3 years, but when he found Isabel, he never called Adele back. In fact, he avoided her everywhere. She could win in that game when it was time, but she let him to win. She did not use her cards and Thomas used it against her.

It is hard to resist to temptations, but it is more harder to carry burden of humiliation, after you realize that someone laugh to you, behind your back. So, when you have bullets, shot. Stick on your final decisions, no matter how much it hurts. Result is joy and space for something better.

Fairy tale about drunk lady

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In ancient fairy tale Cinderella is sober girl who came to dance with king,  dressed as queen.  When midnight come, she will lost shoe . As it is predictable, king will try to find awesome girl who lost shoe because she captured his heart. Good girls never get drunk, as moralists say, so she left this place with sober mind.

Nowadays Cinderellas would like to capture man’s heart, but it takes courage and liquor could help to kill shame and to make them braver. Let’s approach him drunk, all chains will fall.

Being woman has an advantage. When my friend celebrated birthday in night club, he was undressed. During party he did striptease on half way, so i broke glass, in the moment of excitement. Really it was nice to see all that pieces of glass on the floor, and i was nervous because of crowd. Other drunk people didn’t want to move from my way, so i broke glass. Bodyguard saw my friend and warned him to wear the shirt. He did not say nothing to me, even i smashed glass. I had only innocent smile and confused face.

 

 

Reasons for being drunk are various:
More self confidence, 

more sex appeal, 

more courage to do things you would not 

or you even dance better with influence of liquor.

 

As in story about Cinderella, when midnight gone, she is again poor ordinary girl. And all that glamorous things went away, just vanish in front of her eyes. And what if she get drunk in this fairy tale? Prince would get sex before marriage and she would be declared as easy girl. It would be story for adult, not for kids without life experiences.

 

The only reminder on previous drunk night is headache. Oh yes terrible headache, and toilet is the best friend. You will only recognize bottle of water near bed, because you will be very thirsty after alcohol kills all vitamins.

 

You will make just one promise “Do not do it again.” Now guy is not important. What is important where is your money, why your clothes is full of stains and did you maybe fall somewhere because you have scratches. If tomorrow is your working day, you will need bunch of coffee to stay awake.

When she is the master of bedroom

 

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Some men still believe that this is man’s world. How does it look like? Women should not work, her place is in the kitchen, she must be virgin or have one partner for a lifetime. This woman is a lady, with pure soul and worthy to be a wife.

 

It is hard to handle that woman can earn money, but it is more harder to handle that woman can use man only for sex and change partners.  This is against nature, as hens are slaves of cock, he can’t be their slave.

Yes, women move the limits. Famous model Carla Bruni confessed that she was promiscuous and that she doesn’t believe in monogamy. She is leader , alpha woman and she needed man who will understand her and support her no matter what she was.

You want to move limits too, to be Super girl in this men world?

Be careful , you can stand on bomb.

What will happen if ordinary woman says that she used man for one night stand?

she can be subject of big gossip

– man can blackmail her with video or naked photos, if she shared this with him

– other women will judge her too, she is not “lady”

– she will be considered as slut

– she can lose job and good reputation

Standards for women and men are not the same. Men will be popular after he had sex with many women, after he broke hearts around. Woman will be dangerous seductress and even men can consider her as potential lesbian, as kind of woman who indeed hates men.

Women also want to enjoy in life on different ways. Sometimes, we will do mistakes, as choose wrong guy for comfort, to forget other guy who hurt us. In this situation we can find “personal bitch” , even this is against ethic and this is indeed cruel. If woman is honest about what she want, man must respect this. It can’t be shock. Real guy can handle this if he is strong enough.
I think this is a test for real man. If man can accept that woman want only sex, if they made a deal, he should respect this without sharing their dirty secrets with others. This is between them, not for publicity. Only spoiled brat and egomaniac will cry and try to make revenge after woman used him.

Mature man will act like nothing happened, after this they can even drink a coffee together, because they had enjoyment and pleasure. Even this was short and sweet, but this should be a good memory.Man who can’t handle one night stand will also have problems with relations. Rejections are part of life too, and if you accept early that you can’t get all what you want, you will be happier.

This woman was your gift, she was your dominatrix in high heels, and you cannot be her brat, you are her equal partner. She maybe stole your soul, but you got life lesson.

Napoleon complex – when authority turns off

 

Life gives us opportunities as cards. When we spent our amounts of cards, we can create more chances to stay in the game. Second choice is to give up from everything and abuse our power in the places where we can do it.

If you travel by bus or tram, sooner or later you will see controller tickets. That is usually older man or woman. They can be frustrated and angry on the rest of the  world . They will grab this chance to throw out their rage on passengers.

Once drunk controller entered in the tram. There were bunch of people who saw him and runaway quick until door were opened. The rest who stayed there were his victims.

He was red in the face and his breath had smell as trash, but still he asked for a ticket woman who were sitting near him.

– I don’t have ticket. I was in rush so i did not buy.

– What kind of behavior is this? You are travelling without ticket. What is this?

Men was yelling and his face became more red. Woman refused to give him personal ID. He has no authority to watch on her personal documents, accord Law of order it can do only policeman.  All right, this is not good to travel without ticket, because tram is not free unless you have special benefits. But, what kind of authority is drunk man who is yelling around like lion in zoo garden? What example and role model is he?

Look at this background. Some people are lazy during school time. They don’t want to learn, to progress when they have time and opportunity. Later they will not have big choice for employment and they will work from time to time. Controller job is good to fill your time when you are retired. If you are decent person, you can make agreement with people who will not pay ticket and try to convince them what is good for them. If you have Napoleon complex like this drunk man, you will grab your power to be someone at least. All what you missed in your life now is in front of you, as big stage. You can be aggressive, violent, fearless, and some naive people will maybe afraid of you. So pity you don’t have a gun, like from western movies.

Napoleon jumps out in various areas. We can see secretary who wanted to be a lawyer but she could not pass even one exam. She will yell on new employers as she is their boss. Also we can see policeman on his duty who will give lessons to young girls who were walking on the street after midnight and talk loud. This is his opportunity to teach them what is right and accord rules. This policeman never got real crime case and he can’t progress as corporal or captain, but he will give lessons to young girls about behavior. Also if you late with paying bills, you will get alert and clerk will later ring on your doorbell. He will took your television to sell on public auction. This clerk is maybe the last pawn in his family, maybe his wife disrespect him or his children make a donkey from him, but if he come on your door, watch out. He got a power, and he can be very cruel. Now you will pay , not because you are not paying bills on time. You will pay because life was so cruel to him.

We can feel something personal in act of some people.

They want to punish you not because you broke law or you late with your duties. They see big chance for personal revenge and they don’t care because this is wrong way. They abuse their position to prove their strength. If you have bad luck, this Napoleon can be your boss. You can be the best person in this world, but still he doesn’t give a shit about you, because you are here to pay your karma lessons.

Can you recognize control freak?

 

 

Surprises are part of life. We never know what expects us today or tomorrow, we can’t predict all possible situations and changes. This unpredictable life is beautiful because opportunities are everywhere. Surprises can be good or bad, but we can’t control them.

Rhonda had awful habit to check everything around her. She would lock the door twice before she went out. She was also calling her husband anytime when he did not come at home in expected time. The worst part of her personality she shown at workplace. Her colleagues were terrified of her emails. Every mail had option of confirmation, and if someone did not replied on her email, she was yelling why they did not do it. Her dream was big umbrella , that would be shelter for all people she knew , with purpose that they act accord their wishes.

Once her son teenager went to birthday party. She called him three times to check is everything all right. At the end her son said to her: “You are really annoying. Why don’t you leave me alone? I will be drunk so much that you will call the doctor.” She really upset him.

Rhonda did not understand that she is burden for people around her. She wanted to save the world, but it was impossible mission. Her husband broke leg and she did not have power under it. It was sign that her control freak behavior is not welcomed. That was kind of alert, she did not realize that is impossible to control events and people around her.

Control freaks are possessive and obsessive people. They want kind of power and their behavior is overprotective. If person expose mother’s instinct or jealousy in large amounts, control freak is on the way. Under that behavior is fear that something bad will happen, that things will run away from expected directions and what is the worst result, we can’t stop it. What if my son get drunk? What if my husband will cheat me around, that new girl in office is gorgeous? So i will stalk him or call every hour, he will not have chance to do it.

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How other people react on control freaks? 
Nobody likes it. You can get insulted from anybody if you will try to put him in chains. This is like you want to create invisible handcuffs. Did you expect that your beloved person will give you report about his activities? You are wrong.

Don’t try to cut someone’s wings, don’t spy in private space and also if you do it, control is the worst way. 

You will get an opposite result. People will runaway from you and they will hide things in front of you. You thought that someone will give you keys into their privacy? See what happened, your trespass in other privacy got an answer. Next time when you will try to open secret door, you will find double lock.

When you will put your hand on fire?

 

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Charles Darwin said : “Only the strongest survive.” What happens with people who are not so strong , will they vanish ? That kind of people deserve good defense. As lion will defend lioness, in human blood is to protect children and others who can’t stand for their rights alone.

What would you do for your dearest friends, brothers, sisters, and for your sweetheart if someone tried to hurt them? I believe, as much you despise violence , you would to everything to protect them from evil.

When i was little girl, i went with my younger sister in park, at playground. There was swing  and she was swinging . She was 4 years old, and i was 8. Suddenly, older boy came and start to push her, he wanted to swing too. I was afraid that she will fall and hurt herself, so i slapped him into face with fist. He pushed me, but i was so furious that i was punching him with all my strength so he started to cry from fear. I was little monster, and my father came to separate us. That boy never approached to me after this.

Now i am thinking on this way. I don’t afraid for myself because i am enough strong to resist to every threat. I afraid for people who are close to my heart. I believe that many people think on this way, because it is much easier to take care for yourself than for others. That is responsibility. You know yourself, you will get up after fall , you will arise from the dust. How it will be with others? Look at behavior of duck. She fly around to pull attention on herself, to protect  little ducks in the case of attack of wild animals. That is her instinct for survival, she will rather sacrifice herself for the sake of her little family.

Real face of friends and enemies is revealed when they are in danger. 

Mafia association is established on this basic rule: “once when you join to us , there is no way back, just in coffin. ” So they will hurt you and members of your family. If you drag your beloved people in your troubles, it will hurt you more than own death.

You will also guess thinking of kidnappers: “I want  money of this rich man and i will ask for big ransom, i will take away his daughter or son.”

Our beloved people are our Ahil’s feet. Everyone has a price, and once you press red button, that person is in your power.

 

If you are devoted person, this is your advantage because people can count on you. You are diamond treasure, so your friends are under your shelter. Bad side of this value is that someone can use your devotion in bad purposes, to take an advantage. Don’t be action hero for someone who doesn’t deserve this, there is no sense to put hand in fire for insignificant person. People who interfere in street fights are not always clever, they can get out with broken nose, and others will not say even thanks.

After all, devotion is protected and authorized. Not everyone is able to reach this, but those who have it, are lucky. It is nice when you are connected with someone who will put hand on fire for you .

Now, what do you think, who is worthy that you risk for him? Or, did you regret because you put hand on fire for wrong person?

How to recognize drama queen?

 

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Life will punish us with bad experiences on one way or another, but our reactions are not the same. Some of us will keep problems inside, suffer quietly and nobody will know about this. Others will yell and notify world about their “tragedies”, as it is event number one.
If your better half is drama queen, you are victim of emotional flood and every word you say can be understand on wrong way.
“Why you look at me like that? My haircut is bad? Oh i know i look fat in this trousers. But you should tell me this into face. “
 
Clint was in relation with Sandra and he was walking on the ice all the time. Few times she embarrassed him in publicity because she could not hide her moods. She was witch with broomstick and her friend circle was very small.
Drama queen is usually woman, but also some guys are very good in that.  It happens especially if there is connection with their career and promotion. Gordon got new job and his boss was harsh with him first few days. He complaint to Union after few weeks, even he was new in that workplace. He left very bad impression on others, because it was something what people remember. This drama king could not stay quiet even when he changed job.
Internet is great place for drama queens. See what happens when someone is angry and wish to delete page.
“I am sad. Someone piss me off so badly. Sorry people i am going. Forever. Go to hell.”
After this, the same person opens fake page or watch around for reactions. This kind of person wish to die, but also she wants to be notified who will come at her funeral. Wow, so much people. What, nobody care? Bastards and idiots never cared for me.
Drama queen could be easy recognized in 5 characteristics.
Immature person who cries for everything. Bad mark at school, bad day, broken nail.
 
She likes to gossip, because there is seed of possible drama.
 
She is never quiet. If she doesn’t cry, she laughs loudly.
 
If she has boyfriend, everyone knows about this in next 24 hours.
 
She is author of haunt stories. She lives life with full lungs, but also she imagine things and exaggerate with details.
Drama queen never heard for balance. So if you wish to get rid of her, don’t show any reactions. This movie you don’t want to see, and she needs audience.

Likability – 3 reasons why people like you

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Recently i had quarrel with my office mate. She said that everyone at my workplace hate me. I almost cried from laugh, because i am not important boss and i don’t bring crucial decisions that everyone would dislike me. Hate is strong feeling, and when someone hates you, this means that person is afraid of you, wants to be like you or simply, you have something what that person could not have. I said on diplomatic way, that i came there to earn money, not to love or hate people. For me, they are blank and i will be nice to everyone because this is my professional duty. Maybe i sound cold, but i am really not interested about their children’s poop, their problems with coughing or husbands who snores all night.

This brings me to next question, why some people try to force other’s empathy or love? Why they are desperate for likability, and what is this, indeed?

Remember your childhood, when you first time felt that your peers dislike you. Did you fit in? Maybe naughty girl destroyed your favorite doll or nasty guy hit you with ball into face, so you came at home with tears in your eyes. As teenager, maybe girls laughed to your pimples or you have been considered as nerd. As workmate, maybe you tasted bitter insults because you wear wrong clothes, you are not kind or you radiate on negative way.

So, if you are not miss or mister of popularity, should you buy shotgun and shot into your head? Maybe you try to get what indeed attract people and why someone is having huge number of friends, and you are bohemian soul.

I see three kinds of likability:

Artificial likability. 

If you are famous, not everyone is your friend. They will follow you cause you are popular. How many sincere smiles and words are on your side? Many of this things are fake, because you are rich and successful. Today they admire to you, next day they will laugh to you.

Forced likability.

If you watched war movies directed by Clint Eastwood, you will remember soldiers who sow fear. Tough general is in the center of likability, but this likability is based on fear. In the case of defeat, someone will shot him.

Spontaneous likability.

This is the best form , because people love you for what you are. You are not dependable of their opinions, you don’t ask nothing from them, but they simply love you, because your independence inspires them.

Recently i was talking with psychologist on his blog page and he asked people what is likability, how they see this value. He said that such person has deeper insight of life than in mainstream media. This brings me to next conclusion : how much internet force people to be likable for each other? When you see desperate teens seeking for likes who can’t move eyes from their cell phones, in expecting of notifications on social media, are they desperate? Or, this is just sheep race, because her classmate got 30 likes for profile photo, and she is not so popular?

5 signs that your friend is a mole

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Word friendship is overrated. If you are naive, easy going person, you will call everyone your friend. There is classification, in which cases someone grows enough to be your friend.
1 level : acquaintance – person you met recently, and you like it at first sight
 
2 level : colleague – person who works with you, but you don’t know nothing at first sight about him
 
3 level : roommate – someone who lives with you by certain circumstances, if you are in dorm or rented flat, someone you share office because you work together
 
4 level :  friend, because you both want it
 
5 level : best friend, someone you can trust more than others
People often mix friendship with rivality. Rival or competitor is person who pretends friendship with you, but indeed she wants to compete with you and to do everything better than you. The trouble is, if you are better in some area, person will show envy and jealousy . She will try to sabotage you, and having such person in your circle is similar as you live with mole in your garden. So, here is flowers and green grass, but somehow it doesn’t smell like you expect. Something ruins that flowers.
As example of real rivality i will mention girl i knew before many years. Recently she met my mother and asked for me, even we did not see each other 15 years. Still, she wanted to know details about me, my partner, my job and what is going on. When we were friends, she was always comparing herself with me. If some guy would be interested for me, she would say : “He was flirting with me too. ”  If someone talked bad about me, she would pass me information with apology that she sorry for hear this. If she heard something good, she would make it as meaningless information. We broke our friendship when i realized that i don’t need this in my life. I had more respectful enemies, at least they did not pretend that they like me.
Even you maybe think that someone is your good friend, circumstances will show different view.
You will see is this connection between you and x person rivality or real friendship.
 
 
Your friend is close with your enemy. 
Ok, we have choice to whom we will talk, but if your friend spend more time with person who hurts you than with you, think about friendship.
Your friend is too spontaneous in company of your boyfriend.
If your friend wants to hug and kiss your boyfriend, and she says that she do this because of some “brotherly love”, think about real motives.
Your friend always forward you gossips.
“She talked bad about you. He laughed to you. I heard he doesn’t like you. ” Ok, it is not bad to know what others think about you, but if your friend constantly forward gossips, she maybe enjoys to make you sad.
Your friend is not here when you need him. Never.
Friendship is alley with two sides. You will do him favor, he will do it for you. Well, if you constantly give, and never take, if he is making excuses why he can’t help you, this is not real friendship.
Your friend is not happy when you are happy. 
More, he ask some tiny things to make your happiness smaller. For example, you got job in another city, and he says : “You will be so tired, by travelling every day. “
Moles are animals which do damage. Mole is symbol of cracked, ruined friendship, because someone doesn’t like you as you thought. Be careful when you deal with mole, because on long terms, this friendship is much worse than war with enemy.
With enemy, you know clear that he doesn’t like you. Mole will make your sight foggy, and you can get lost in this blind alley.