Today friends, tomorrow enemies

 

Yesterday we were close friends, today we are enemies. Shit happens, and life is creator of dramas and tragedies because human nature is variable. Some people will turn you back, no matter if they were friends, lovers, even members of your family. Some of us simply can’t stay firm and stable in their choices and decisions and life will push them on other side, side against us.

Amelia and Clara were good friends in childhood. Amelia was sensitive, and Clara was sharp, and she often underestimated Amelia , she loved to play mother role with her. Amelia loved Clara, she saw leader in her, and she was her follower. With years, Amelia start to feel that something is not alright and that Clara is more rival than friend, so she talked with her about her behavior. Clara thought that Amelia can’t understand her jokes and nothing changed. Later Amelia found new friends and openly said to Clara that she doesn’t enjoy in her company anymore. This was not the end. Amelia left with decent words, she wrote letter to Clara. Few weeks later Amelia received phone call. It was male voice, and he said : “Listen bitch. Do you think you can hurt people without paycheck? I will follow you and i will smack your hypocrite face. ” It was disturbing and Amelia cried from shock, so she even invited her cousin to go with her out. She did not see nobody around her, and for few days she realized that was a threat. Clara hired her male friend to call Amelia on the phone, she could not stand that little mouse Amelia broke their friendship. It was her way to revenge.

Real faces of so called friends will show up in the time of crises and conflicts. If someone can’t accept the fact that you cut of him from your life, you can expect anything. Revenge, gossips or anger, that are reactions of people who can’t stand denials or defeat.

When someone is leaving from your life, don’t hold the door locked. Don’t follow this person if you ever respected and loved him. Sometimes we can’t save relation, no matter is this friendship or love. But, we can save our pride and memories. Do you wish that your friend remember you as an asshole? I had experiences with people who did not want to be part of my life anymore. I let them go where they feel better. There is no sense that i beg someone for loyalty, respect and attention.

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People will leave from various reasons:
Sometimes they are jealous or envious, they can’t follow your step. 


Sometimes they will not understand that you are so busy and that you can’t focus on them.


Also, priorities are changing, and they will find another friends and interests. 


Some people are not born as stable. 

 

They can’t be on one place, with one person, and they can’t hold basic relations. They are in pass, as passengers in your journey. Take the best of them and let them go.

When someone can’t follow you anymore in your journey, set him free. Nothing is worse than person who is still in your life, but because of wrong reason as condolence and fear.

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Do you tolerate different opinions?

When you have choice, you can pick what you wish because your hands are free and you are not influenced by others. You choose accord your principles and beliefs. That is very easy, because you know what is the best for you. What happens when you need to accept other choices, even you don’t like them? This question is measure of your tolerance.

Every time when we meet new person, we are introduced with her personality. That person comes with package. That means, you will not accept in your life only beautiful girl with sweet smile. You will accept her beliefs together with her. You may not like her parents, relatives or friends. Also, you will be terrified with her political beliefs. You could be an atheist, and she is religious. You have different musical taste and enjoy in pop music, and she wants to go in opera to listen Chopin or Verdi. Differences will cause conflicts, and reactions will be various.

How to represent your choices in publicity?

Don’t push your beliefs forward others, don’t try to persuade them that you are right.

Never humiliate or underestimate your friend or partner, because they think different.

Don’t create conspiracy against others because they don’t support your beliefs.

Don’t use insults and don’t play dirty. Low kicks are just proof how far you can go in manifestation of your ego.

When kids are fighting, they will cry, yell or insult each other without limits, because they are kids. First level of maturity begins with acceptance of other choices. It doesn’t mean that you must follow majority and join to the crowd, as sheep in herd. That means diplomatic skills.

What happens when you fight against wall and you wish to promote your beliefs as general rules?

You will lose affection of your friends.

You may got nickname as dictator.

People will consider you as closed minded person, primitive or egomaniac.

Sarah was leader of international department in one firm. She could not stand that her employees are getting late, so she was punishing them for every minute when they did not come at time. She did not accept any apology from them, even if some women had children and they had obligation to go in kindergarten before work. Soon they made jokes from this and ordered Swiss watch for her birthday. Sarah was furious and next step was threat in email. She said that her employees must answer on every phone call otherwise they will get smaller salary. People asked her what will happen with that missed calls during their pause for smoking and toilet. Sarah lost her power for few months because she could not handle pressure. She could not accept that other people also have right on their opinion and their choices, even they were under her position at work.

If ego stands on your way, you may lose some interesting friendships, opportunities for love and chances for good job. Your best friend is liberal? Your nephew is gay? Can you accept this with tolerance?

If you can’t accept it now, you may meet with this in future. You are conservative, but your son and daughter could be liberal. Imagine Cher, her daughter changed gender. It was not easy, but as mother she accepted her decision.

Your choices could change with time. Maybe you were rebellious in youth, and now you follow different rules. That will help you to accept other preferences, because you know advantages and failures of both sides. One thing is sure, if you accept person only because she thinks the same as you, in first conflict your friendship will break on pieces.

Our choices define us and our relations with others. If you think that only you have right all the time, discussion has no sense.

At the end, your choice is your echo. What you choose it will come to you as reflection in the mirror. Don’t act as policeman with warrant :”You have right to be silent, and if you say something, we can use it against you.”

Are you ready to be honest?

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Honesty is value which everyone wants, but not everyone is able to handle. This is kind of mirror with two sides, and once when mirror is looking at you view is different. I was often judged because i speak on honest way, i don’t know how to pretend. Even if i tried too, my facial expressions would show opposite.

So recently my colleague complaint that i never ask how is she, i never knock at her office door. She said: “I could die and you would not know. ” I replied: “Well i am sure someone would notify me about this. “She said to me: “I like your way, you always know what to say. “

She accepted my honesty even it was not sugarcoated. This is not always the case, so try to be honest with some people, they will say you are bad mannered, rude, cruel and so on.

Just, what kind of offers we get from people who constantly praise us?

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We never know where we are standing with them

We can hear the same compliments for our rivals.

We can notice that compliments are based on pattern “good, sweet, very well. “

I could say to that lady that i love her much, that i feel sorry cause i did not check up on her, that i am bad colleague. Instead of this i said that was on my mind, because workplace is not place for personal therapy and i am not obligated to knock at her door.

Many relations would end up before if couples would be honest. Many friendship would be tempted if friends were honest. If guys were honest, many women would not accept one night stand.

So, we are indeed hypocrites. We talk about honesty but we enjoy in lies. We allow critics but expect compliments. We ask for truth but we are hungry for sweet words.

Where you will find honesty?

In situations when person has no other choice. She know someone other will tell you, so she must tell truth.

From your enemies and rivals. They will not lie about what they feel.

From someone you know very long time. My partner will not lie to me, so if i look bad in some clothes, he will tell me.

To accept his precious appearance of honesty, at least you must be brave person with strong attitude. You need to handle defeat, critics, dirty mouth. You don’t have to feel bad because someone dislike you. You should feel bad if you can’t handle that someone closes you door.

 

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Are you cautious person?

When you get burn, you will blow on cold. Bad experience is alert, and your red alarm will open light anytime when troubles are on the way. This is kind of warning, don’t repeat the same mistakes again. Even repeating is mother of knowledge, if we stuck in the same traps, we are wasting our time. How do you feel screwed from the same person or with same situations again? Like fool.

Roxanne learnt from past experiences. She had violent boyfriend and her blue eye or broken nose were reminders. Many time she justified how she hit into door or how clumsy she was , but once when she get out from this, apologies were unnecessary. Her next boyfriend try to hit her during conflict, and she left him another day.

Somehow, when we pass through boomer situations, next similar event will cause our flash back. I was hitchhiking and i had unpleasant experience, so there is no chance that i would do it again. It was before 10 years or more, and i surprise to myself how i was brave or foolish. Then i lost fear, but now i got warning. This happen in maturity, when you start to feel that is not recommended to put yourself into troubles, if there is easier way to solve problems.  Playing role of hero is not always brave act, sometimes is stupid. If you see that two men are in street fight, will you involve into this if you don’t know them? If you don’t want to be damaged, better not.

When we are careful, we will protect ourselves.

What does it mean?

Sometimes you will refuse to help your friend because it is against your interests.

Sometimes you will not give second chance to people who hurt you already.

Sometimes you will give up from some opportunity, for the sake of someone else. You like this guy, but you are not single so you will not accept his invite for dating.

 

When you are careful, it doesn’t mean that you afraid of risk or that you are closed in the box. Simply, you need time to think about and reconsider this offer. If you think that is smarter to stay away, do it. People can say : “You are coward.” That is not true. For example, i don’t want to travel alone in foreign country to meet with stranger who invite me from internet. I am just careful.

Some battles are not worthy of fight, others need time and adjustments, and sometimes is the biggest victory to stay calm until storm pass. That is difference between childish behavior and maturity. Kids never think about consequences, and mature persons will have kind of Libra, to think about good and bad sides of the same situation.

If we accept everything what this life offers, it is like we are walking around with binding eyes. We can crash with bad people if we act like blind mouses. Careless person is like bat, flying around until she hit into wall.

Our inside alarm should be always turn on. Look at this red button , this is your alert, that you are not doing something right.

What happens on date from nightmare?

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It is first date and you want to hear good impression about yourself. Think before speak, and when you speak behave yourself. It is very different situation when you sit in front of person which you don’t know well. You can use profanity if you meet with your best friend because he got used to it. Well, if you say “hello hootie” to girl on first date, you will be labelled as jerk. In this case girl might feel cheap or as your number, and you sound as someone without manners.

Young guys are often not aware that girls are sensitive, and what sounds as joke could be bad echo in their ears, as mocking.

What she doesn’t want to hear?

– you look fat in this skirt

– these boots look cheap

– there is something in your breath, did you eat garlic for dinner?

– you remind me on my ex girl

– can you pay this bill, i have no enough money for tonight

Also, girls sometimes not understand that man is not their therapist, mother or shoulder for crying.

 


What he doesn’t want to hear?

I have so painful period, i bleed so much.

– Do you like my makeup?

– What type of car you drive? 

– My ex boyfriend is here, i feel so nervous.

– Do you think i am pretty?

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This is story from real life.

Sandra and Darren went to date and he took her out of the city. This was small coffee bar with so loud folk music that she did not hear what he is talking. They waited for a waiter for a half hour and they were not alone, because Darren met his best friend with girlfriend so they shared table with them. That girl provoked Sandra that Darren is indeed womanizer and that he will not be faithful to her. She said she was joking, but Sandra felt very unpleasant.

Second date never happened.

If you wish to avoid date from nightmare:

be alone with your partner

– don’t talk about ex 

– try to choose quiet place 

– focus on her or him

– don’t look at your cell phone every 10 minutes

– don’t stare in every good looking person around

You want to arrange second date, isn’t it? Think about things you said because first date can be the last if you do many mistakes.

Some people are flexible and they will forgive mistakes, but next time they will look at you with doubts. First impression doesn’t come twice and you can’t fix it. You might learn what you do wrong, so next partner will have more luck.

Do you recognize rejection from cold-warm strategy in romance? (for men)

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Role of hunter is not grateful position. Men are by nature leaders, and from them is expected to do first steps. Especially, if they wish to get certain woman, they must be ready for everything, from gentle rejection until harsh kick in the butt. As much real man will take leash in his hands, he will also know when to back off, and when is time to stop with his attempts.

Unfortunately, some guys are not so wise to recognize real rejection from warm-cold strategy. This is also women fault, so women will play and make fool of men in some situations.

How to separate real rejection from warm-cold strategy?

If woman is interested for you, and she is not yet sure, she will give double signs.

She will say no if you invite her for date, but her next sentence will be : “Maybe next time, i will let you know.”

She will let you to follow her into her street, but she will not invite you in her flat.

She will talk with you, but you will not get permission to kiss her.

She will even sleep with you, but next day she will be unavailable.

She will delete you from Facebook but she will not block your page. Just , for any case, she may expect your message.

If woman is not interested for you, she will not give you any chance to repeat your questions about her and you.

If you call her, she will block your number.

If you send her message, she will block your page.

Follow her, she will call her friends for help. 

She will appear with another man in front of your eyes if you are annoying. This is very clear sign.

If you try to kiss her, she will push you away. Alert, here you are in danger zone. She can slap you.

Some men are not gentlemen and they don’t accept other choices. Real gentleman will accept word no with silence and dignity. This man will not make you troubles. Also, you might sorry because he will never disturb you later. He asked you once , you denied, and he gone. Your problem is another man, called jerk. Jerk will chase you and spread gossips. Jerk will tell you that you are whore, fat or short, and that you are ugly. All because you did not want to date with him.

The worst follower of rejection is denial. If you deny to yourself that person rejected you, if you repeat her words and ask some hidden meaning, you are on wrong path. Some guys think : “She said no? Maybe she is shy? Or her friends talked bad about me? Maybe she is not ready today, but i can wait. ”

Delusional guys are often jerks. They can’t admit to themselves that some women don’t accept them. They must learn how to accept negative answers. Until then, such men will hunt in blurry zone.