Are you person without plans?

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When you see life as kind of game, you are playing as kid in the sand. Nothing is serious for you, because you are having good fun. Then, something happens and you will understand life on different way, more seriously. Now party is over and it is time to settle down.

Love also consists from phases. First guy you kissed maybe was your classmate in school and you will not remember him. Then, it was story of your life. Later you lost your virginity with cool man, and after that you found guy who wants to marry you . Now all before that became ridiculous.

Mine friends used to say such things about their former boyfriends:

“I was so stupid when i did calls every day and night. His mother knew my voice, i even talked with her.”

“I was hitchhiking just to see him, because he did not want to visit me.”

“I cut my hair because he prefers short hair.”

All that dramas were intro , because our experiences leads us to maturity. This is normal when you pass such things as teenager, and in thirties you are person who knows what she wants or she already got it.

Sometimes, life play cruel games, and some gifts which you supposed to get in certain period will skip you.

Which kind of people are immature in soul forever?

Man who did not kiss a girl, and he is already 30.

Woman who changed many men, and still she did not find right one, even she is already in certain ages.

People who live with parents after 30.

People who save their virginity even they are over 30.

Life is not pattern, and we are walkers through this path. Some women will never get married or have children, the same as same men. Nothing is guaranteed. When life skips over you, you are chosen to stay child in the heart and soul. You will see that something important miss you, and also you will try to replace this.

How to be happy when you did not get what you wished?

Travel around, you will see things which you never saw before.

Go on parties, football matches, birthdays, events. 

Make new friendships.

Find some hobbies.

Strange things happen when two people, who are somehow damaged, meet together. Charlie lived with parents even he was already 30. He had bad love experiences and also he was a virgin. His days were the same, he did not know when was Monday, and when was weekend because he was watching movies nightly and working daily. Then Victoria came to his city, as tourist, with travel agency. She wanted to know London and accidentally he met her in one museum. They started to talk about history and she invited him on coffee. He was confused, but he accepted. Victoria was divorced, 40 years, still attractive and she did not have children. She was cheerful as little girl. Charlie never laughed so much, they continued contact over internet when she left in her country. They were two lost souls , victims in life who skipped them. In the moment they are talking about future, how to be together , because they recognized each other.

When life pass over you, clap your hands and don’t give up to be noticed by life. Some people carry bigger burden than others. Accept this as sign that you are not ordinary. Maybe you don’t have husband or children, but you were on places where others will never be and you did things which others will never do. Life gifts are not the same for everybody. Some have different package. You are just one of the people without plans.

Likability – 3 reasons why people like you

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Recently i had quarrel with my office mate. She said that everyone at my workplace hate me. I almost cried from laugh, because i am not important boss and i don’t bring crucial decisions that everyone would dislike me. Hate is strong feeling, and when someone hates you, this means that person is afraid of you, wants to be like you or simply, you have something what that person could not have. I said on diplomatic way, that i came there to earn money, not to love or hate people. For me, they are blank and i will be nice to everyone because this is my professional duty. Maybe i sound cold, but i am really not interested about their children’s poop, their problems with coughing or husbands who snores all night.

This brings me to next question, why some people try to force other’s empathy or love? Why they are desperate for likability, and what is this, indeed?

Remember your childhood, when you first time felt that your peers dislike you. Did you fit in? Maybe naughty girl destroyed your favorite doll or nasty guy hit you with ball into face, so you came at home with tears in your eyes. As teenager, maybe girls laughed to your pimples or you have been considered as nerd. As workmate, maybe you tasted bitter insults because you wear wrong clothes, you are not kind or you radiate on negative way.

So, if you are not miss or mister of popularity, should you buy shotgun and shot into your head? Maybe you try to get what indeed attract people and why someone is having huge number of friends, and you are bohemian soul.

I see three kinds of likability:

Artificial likability. 

If you are famous, not everyone is your friend. They will follow you cause you are popular. How many sincere smiles and words are on your side? Many of this things are fake, because you are rich and successful. Today they admire to you, next day they will laugh to you.

Forced likability.

If you watched war movies directed by Clint Eastwood, you will remember soldiers who sow fear. Tough general is in the center of likability, but this likability is based on fear. In the case of defeat, someone will shot him.

Spontaneous likability.

This is the best form , because people love you for what you are. You are not dependable of their opinions, you don’t ask nothing from them, but they simply love you, because your independence inspires them.

Recently i was talking with psychologist on his blog page and he asked people what is likability, how they see this value. He said that such person has deeper insight of life than in mainstream media. This brings me to next conclusion : how much internet force people to be likable for each other? When you see desperate teens seeking for likes who can’t move eyes from their cell phones, in expecting of notifications on social media, are they desperate? Or, this is just sheep race, because her classmate got 30 likes for profile photo, and she is not so popular?

Can you introduce yourself as black sheep?

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Society is covered by rules. Don’t do this, be careful with this, you should not do this. Conformists will follow this rules without complaining because they need this as orientation. This is like compass for them, how to behave if you don’t write tips. They would be lost.

An opposite, rebels make own rules which are not in harmony with rules of society. It doesn’t mean that rebels will behave against law, they will simply not fit in .

It was end of school year and children in class decided about celebration. In former Yugoslavia, all parties were with folk music, and singers as Lepa Brena were very popular. Everybody in class accepted to make celebration with bellows, but Maja said no. Sound of bellows was awful for her ears. She did not come that day in school, simply she stayed at home. They said to her that she is an awesome sausage, in Yugoslavia it was symbol for black sheep.

Maja was fan of Metallica and she stayed by her taste and attitude. Her friends were gossiped her, but she did not care.

– Why you did not come? Everybody talks about you how weird you are.

Strange, weird, odd, just some of description to mark different people. Especially in socialism, there was principle of equality. All people should be modest and equal. Just, some were more equal than others, that was real truth.

Next case happened in prom night. Sandra did not want to dance, and guys were laughing to her. Girl, and you don’t know to dance? Let me teach you. Sandra did not accept this. She simply wanted to sit and talk. Why to force her for something she did not want?

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Black sheep lives on different way.

Childhood –  i will not play with Barbie dolls because i don’t like them

Youth – i will not smoke, drink or have sex because everyone else do this

Maturity – i will not listen my boss because i have right to ask other opinions or i have my ideas

Old age – i am not sick so i don’t want to go to medical center

If you are black sheep, you are not sensitive on critics, you don’t have much friends , but you have the biggest choice. Be sure, others are envious and jealous because you have guts. You paid your price, but you got an award, to authorize your personality as brand.

How is to feel like uglier half?

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Do you know the meaning of word DUFF? That is Designated fat ugly friend, by urban dictionary. So, now you expect creature about 100 kilograms weight, with thick glasses or pimples on face, who wish to be in your company?
Or, maybe you wish to find someone similar, to pull more attention on yourself, because two good looking persons will look better with third, plain or ugly person, who is walking with them?
Society is cruel, especially when you are young. Everyone will talk about inside look, about beauty of personality, but these things came out when you get older. When you are young , there is possibility to collect crumbs from your pretty friends, because you are duff.
Saturday night is here and you wish to go out, to meet awesome guys. You focus your attention on one, but he is too handsome, too cocky or just unavailable. Lucky for you, he has duff friend.
What is the task of this duff?
You can talk with duff friend, to collect info about your guy.
 
If you are familiar with duff friend, you will be invited on party where is your guy.
 
Duff will not be rude toward you. He is happy because he talks with pretty girl.
 
Duff is intro in big game. If you talk with duff, now you are ready for next phase. 
In society everyone plays roles. Soon, some guys will realize that they have power because of their natural benefits.
Sean was handsome guy with 3 ugly friends. Timothy, Ryan and Wesley were cool guys, but they were virgins even they had 25. If you look at them, they would remind you on Adams family. Girls called them Team Gethaldus because they had glasses . Even Sean was rude to them, they did not want to leave him. When Sean dumped girl, she would cry and complain to Team Gethaldus, they were shoulders for crying. Sometimes they would even get kiss or hug from that abandoned girls. Also, they learnt a lot about women psychology from Sean, and once when he was in good mood, he gave them some advices. Later, when they created own business their luck turned over.
For sure many girls felt like the duff , in the company of their good looking friends. For comfort, everyone can be in the role of duff. Imagine yourself as friend of Scarlett Johanson. You are pretty, but she is a star. Or, maybe to be friend of Paris Hilton? She is famous, and everyone will ask about her, you will maybe drag her bags in shopping time.
Some girls will avoid company of popular friends, because they don’t want to be in the background. Other will intentionaly find ugly friends, just to feel superior. In any kind of such friendship, this reasons are bad. You can’t underestimate person, because she is maybe ugly, but she could be smart, talented and creative. You might hurt someone and regret it later.
There was time when i was average teenager, with my sexy friend. She was in short skirts and high heels even she was 16, and i was as nerd kid. Everyone asked for her, and i was kind of postman, until i quit this. Guy interested for me even i was her duff. She wanted to give me advice about him but i wanted to get out from her shadow. Later, i broke with her and with this guy, but i learnt about myself. Lack of selfconfidence will indeed make you the duff.
If you are person who sits in the corner in the night club, if you reject everyone who try to approach you, if you are grumpy all the time and you make conflicts from nothing, you are the duff. This label is something what you stick on yourself. Society is sometimes ugly , but members are here to change the rules.

Who is dating online?

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One of prejudices about virtual relations is that only ugly and desperate people get involved in relations over computer monitor. If you ask some people who is dating online, they will see teenage boy who is 100 kilograms weight and live in the basement, so his mother brings him pizza until he is surfing on his new PC. Or, maybe they will see old woman with cats and thick glasses who watch soap operas and meanwhile her computer is opened 24 hours. 

You would be surprised by fact that everyone of us can fall in love in virtual space. What is common to us who fall in virtual love trap is lack of something from real life. In the moment when you find yourself staring into some profiles , you are already there, as sober man who is going to pub and start to drink big bottle of  beer. 

What are reasons to spend much time in virtual chat rooms?

Asking for a friend. Your real friends were assholes or you are so busy with work that you can’t find time for them, so it is easy to find friend in virtual space.

Attention. Nobody listen to you and your problems, but in internet you can post awesome status and pull attention on yourself.

Admiration. Nobody gives a shit for you in reality, but on internet you may surprise people how special you are, so they will admire to you.

Sex. Your real sex life doesn’t exist, or is boring or lame or you have no appropriate partner, or you are too picky or shy. But in internet pages, you can enjoy to watch striptease of some women and to do masturbation.

Love.  There is a long time as you did not feel sparks, and if you are talking with special stranger on internet, you can feel it.

In movie “Her” guy fall in love in his operative system. That is only computer voice, (in movie voice of Scarlett Johansson) and guy lose all contact with real world. When she admits to him that she is connected on such way with thousand users, he is jealous. That is negative side of virtual space, you never know if your special virtual darling shares fairy tale with other people too. You can say to him or her delicate details about your privacy, but how can you be sure that somebody else will not found out this, too?

Internet is big trap. If you are handsome, smart, powerful, ambitious and respectable person in reality, lies will not spare you anyway. Joan was successful manager, but she fall in love in stranger from Greece, and she was doing cyber sex with him even during pause in her office. All until the day when confused client came earlier and reveal her privacy, with red face and blouse on the floor. Joan get lost herself just like that, because Dimitris from Greece had special way to make her mind horny. She was busy, her body was not in action a long time ago, her ex husband left her because of nurse, and she was perfect target for manipulative guy who will give her magic moments.

Your virtual partner is personification of someone who miss in your life. 

Maybe you wanted to date a model? In internet are many fake models. Do you want to date with gang leader? Here is new Al Capone for you. Maybe you just want old fashioned gentleman, he will come with right words for you. They will promise, someone will give you numbers, even send tickets to travel to them, and some will meet with you.

The moment you meet with your virtual mate is moment of truth. Sasha met with Peter who was cool guy on photos, but she revealed that his fingers are hairy, what a shock. He was midget, too. When virtual curtain falls down, actors are on the stage and they represent themselves, but they will show what they real are, not what they played until now. So until now this person was your sweetheart, and now you may update your heart, to compare your perception with reality. 

If you still like what you see, you are winner in this love lottery.

Why some people act like fake saints?

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Angels are not always how they look like. Woman with flowers in her hands and nice smile is not always person with pure heart and good intentions. As angels could be only demons in pink suit, so called innocent woman is indeed spoiled seductress.

Women will play rough games against each other when it comes time to catch real man. They will set traps for their competition, with gossips and fake friendships, just to prepare territory for their games. One of the ways how to eliminate rivals is to make damage to their reputation. Make yourself saint, and make others dirty, this is first step in this war. Naive men will fall into this spider net, because when guy has no experience, you can sell him cat in the bag and he will not notice that.

Astrid and Nicholas had nice relation until they did not start to talk about her past. He heard something about her and he wanted to check details. Astrid was honest woman so she admitted to him that she slept over 10 guys in her life. His reaction was : “My stomach can’t handle this.” His image about pure woman crashed, and he could not bear the truth. 

We are all bloody under skin, so as humans we will do some sins. Some of us will hide it, some will expose that, and some will try to forward attention on others, to talk bad about others , because that is easier than clean own mess. World is not fair, so if you play fair that is not guaranteed that others will play fair for return. 

If you want to fool men that you are angel, all what you need to do is next:

Smile in his presence so he will think that you are always in good mood to listen him.

Stay silent when he is mad on you, because he must have right.

Be a woman from fairy tale. Talk sweet as sugar is comes out from your mouth.

Confirm his words, you are not here to think, especially not to think different.

Stay out from fights, because this is not feminine. Ladies never debate with others. They sit in the corner during the war.

Weak, conservative and inexperienced men are mostly victims of fake saints. 


Such men are not able to accept that women are not here just to please their wishes and that they are not first men in their love life. They wish to see princess and virgin from the story and often they forget that such woman doesn’t exist, except in their fantasies.

When such men reveal the truth about their favorite women, they are disappointed. 

What is the truth about fake saints?

Their smile is not always kindness. Sometimes woman smile because she fooled you. Sometimes this is professional smile.

She is not silent because she afraid of you. She prepare her territory for misleads.

Her sweet words are not true words. She said this already, to many guys before you.

If she agrees with you on first sight, actually her opinion is different, but she melts because you wish to see that.

If she is not arguing, it doesn’t mean that she is peaceful. She could be hypocrite and double faced.

It is better to accept truth about woman if she tells you this in confidence, because that means she trusts you. She told you about her past because she doesn’t want to hide things in front of you. Is it better that you hear this from others?

Myriam had internet profile on social network , with lot of friends. Her smile is familiar and men considered her as angel, because she has only nice words for everyone. Then story about her jumped out, as shit from the flowers. She involved with married man, she was his mistress, and in the same time she cherished friendship with his wife. All were shocked, especially poor wife, because Myriam was so saint and pure. Her knife stabbed many in the back.

Truth is not always sweet. Men will swallow bitter pill about their women, but it depends how strong is their attitude, and which ego will allow true facts. 

If you can’t stand honesty, you will live in lie. It is better that someone talk bad into your eyes, than to smile behind your back.

How we handle reality?

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Daily routine is silent killer. You are somewhere in the city, meeting with thousand undesirable people, their faces insult you with their existence.

Do you wish to see beggar who ask you money, drunk kid who is crawling with bottle of wine in his hand or poor old granny with vegetables in bags, asking desperately who will help her to carry her burden.

No, for sure you will wish young girl who will bring you cocktail with cheery or man with muscles who will do unforgettable massage. Or you wish to swim in the swimming pool where only you have access.

The biggest freedom is indeed financial freedom. When you don’t need tram to get on time because your driver will take you. When you don’t need to share your office with old boring hag, and wake up in 6 in the morning, to catch bus where driver will listen terrible folk music.  When your neighbors will not ring on your doors in the moment you just came from work. this world which you created is much better than reality, because here you follow your own rules.

 

Fantasy and reality are in eternal conflict. One world you will need to survive , and other you will need to stay normal and balanced. Dreams will feed you in critical moments.

Sometimes cruel reality breaks people. They leave in mental hospitality,  drink alcohol or even take drugs. Frustrations are sometimes too big and nerves can’t handle this.

I know woman who order daily pills for nerves just to handle reality. She is smoking and drinking and this cocktail of vices is her defense. 


If you feel that you are tired of life, listen loud music just to block sounds of screaming kids in your neighborhood.

Each of us has own twilight zone. We can walk into the edge of reality. We should be careful. Once when you step out from safe zone, everything is possible. Maybe you win at lottery game so you will be rich and creator of your dream life. Maybe your investment can bring you more money, so you are step closer from your realization.


Walking drunk, get high or complain about your unhappy life will not get you any result. You will crawl as snail, surrounded by misty curtain , created by your unfilled wishes.

When one door closes, another opens

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Word goodbye is one of the hardest words. The end is always sad and painful, especially if this is final decision about love story. It will be harder if you are spinning in circle, and someone continuously break up with you, because he is too weak to cut off this bond forever.

How you would react on these situations?

1. You are fired from your work.

2. You got papers for divorce.

3. Your partner want to break up with you.

4. Your friend doesn’t want to hear for you anymore, because you did something unforgivable.

5. Your love is moving in another city or country, so this is goodbye by default.

Sometimes, life will be so bad that you will face it with loss of work and breakup in short time, as one misery doesn’t come alone. This sadness has tail, so when we are so fragile, we are targets for more bad news.

If you think about goodbye as new beginning, as relief, it will be easier. 

What are possibilities?

Sometimes, goodbye is blessing. You lost old job? There is chance for new, which is better for you. You will earn more money.

You can set free yourself from poison. This guy made you cry all the time. You are constantly in the stage of coma. Do you want to be dead plant all the time?

Your  bad lover is blocking the traffic to new chances. This guy doesn’t love you, but because of him you don’t see someone who is more appropriate for you. 

You can’t progress. Maybe you felt comfortable in old situation, but you had emptiness. You were constantly hungry and your donor could not give you what you need. Now, you will progress, because he gone.

Wendy loved her boyfriend Jared, with all her heart. She loved even pain which he gave to her. He was cheating her, she was humiliated as woman and as a person. Accord his words, she was idiot, unable to clean house , to make good meal and to get dress on a way he wanted. In the same time, he did not see her real values. She was business woman and she was earning more than he. She was kind and loyal, even she warned Jared about his friends. She has right, Jared had few bad palls, who were here only when they needed money. Even Wendy was right, he did not want to admit this. One day Jared lost his job and he blamed Wendy, that she had bad influence on him, and that is her fault because he could not focus at work. The main problem was alcohol and hidden bottle under his bed. He was yelling that day on Wendy, they had conflict and he said “goodbye bitch. ”  Wendy suffered so much, she was sick from pain. After few months, she got promotion at her work and she met new man at business journey.

Farewell  is needle, kind of injection, which we all need from time to time. Today you are crying, but your tears will wash your eyes and heart. Also, your view will be more clear after this sadness gone. When storm vanish, sun is always here, and all looks more beautiful. The problem is, how you deal with storm and can you handle thunder and rain. Maybe you feel as shit in the moment, maybe you will freeze under this cold shower.  The point is, don’t be unready for the next chapter.

Do you owe communication’s skills?

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If you talk much, you are talkative person. What is the matter, it is not amount of your words. That is skill of communication and it is based on quality . Granny who sells eggs can be talkative, but it doesn’t mean that her speech is an example for others.

What comes out from your mouth will labell you in every area. If you want to date with awesome person you need communication skills. If you want good job that is also desirable. Everyone will like to hangout with polite, talkative friend, so this is one of terms for good friendship.

What will make you good conversationalist?

1. Call your interlocutor by name. If you say “Peter, how are you today? ” it is much more respectable than : “Hi dude, what’s up?”

2. Don’t use nickname when you talk with someone, unless you know this person good. Nicknames are childish, and sign of immaturity or disrespect. Imagine that your girlfriend had nickname “Barbie” and she hated that. So if you use that word to make her angry, you are idiot.

3. Don’t yell or swear if you want to make good impression. People who yell are usually those with thin nerves or with lack of manners. If you swear, you are primitive.

4. Don’t act like smartass. If you talk with someone who can’t spell good, don’t act as his spell check. Teacher approach is not desirable. Your friend is not good in grammar? You can tell him once, but if you repeat all the time when you talk with him, don’t be surprised if he will avoid you.

5. Never use your education level to humiliate someone. Just because you are teacher, and your friend is tailor, it doesn’t mean you are better than him.

6. Don’t discriminate people by color of skin, gender or sexual orientation. 

7. Learn how to listen. Every good conversationalist knows to listen, otherwise you need a mirror, not a partner for talk.

8. Accept other opinions, if you disagree say nice why you don’t agree. Don’t use words as : “come on kiddo, you have no idea about life.”

9. Don’t push your opinion as rule. 

10. Don’t use personal details about someone as tool to hurt him or her. If you know that person is for example gay, you can’t use it in conversation to win debate.

Special kind of conversation is on internet. Social networks will reveal about person more than she wish. Only primitive people will constantly use caps lock to prove something. Many disclaimers will show that you are childish, and if you constantly bold something, your ego is bigger than skyscraper. If you use your mother tongue in conversation with foreigner, you have lack of manners. For example, person who talks with urdu language even others have no idea about meaning of this words is without basic skills of communication. Use english and you will not mistake. 

Here are examples of good and bad participants in one discussion. Laura and Elaine are both in boss positions and they use different approach.

Laura: ” You are not good in your work. Simply, you have no idea , i am torching myself with you many years. You should be fired indeed. I have no nerves to teach you basic things and i doubt you would understand this.”

Elaine: ” I think we have problems in understanding. Let’s find on half way. We should more cooperate so i will try to help you. “

Before you sit on round table, be sure that you know the basic rules of communication. Otherwise, you will give impression as cowboy who try to gather his cows. 

Despair is unattractive

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When i visit night club in my city, i see always two guys in the corner. One is drinking juice, i suppose he is driver. Other is drinking wine or beer. They change roles with time, so the one who drives took shorter straw, because night will be more boring without alcohol. Other guy will be drunk so he will pretend that he enjoyed. The truth is, they are loners by years and they can’t find girlfriend. Amazing thing in my city is that some things never changed. The same loners still stayed single, and taken girls are taken or divorced and taken again. This is like shopping when customers are the same and with same habits. Rich buyers will buy expensive things, and poor will just watch and leave.
That two guys are not handsome men. This is not the point of their story. They are single because they never tried to find girl. Their faces are grumpy as before judgment day , so which girl would like to drink beer with them?
People believe that they can’t find partner because they are ugly, poor, stupid or not popular. The truth is, they can’t find soulmate because their expression of face, acts and speech work against them.
Can you recognize yourself as desperate person?
This is your speech when you meet someone:
Hi, you are gorgeous, i never saw so beautiful woman. I am good guy, i live with my mother and i help her in everything. I will call you right on time. Hey, why did not you answer on my message? I saw you last weekend with friends, but you told me that you are going with grandma in park? Why you lied to me? Why you hurt me? “
Key of attraction lays in mystery.
I always fall in love in the same type of guy, even they looked different , but it was connection between them. I was chasing mysterious guy who did not answer on my call and messages and who suddenly appears when i did not expect him. I was in love in guy who did not confirm every my word because he had own attitude, but he was enough polite to discuss with me, not to tells me what i need to do.
If you are desperate woman, your date will look like this. You will dress in short skirt and shirt with decoltage,your makeup will be stolen in circus, and your feet will pain because of high heels. You will drink a lot just to kill your potential shame and inhibitions. You will allow guy to touch you where he wish , to drive you in some dark corner to get sex. He will not call you and you will call him and talk to his mother why he did not call you back. At least, you will see him with another girl in coffee bar, and he will call you to meet with him again when nobody is looking.
Girls in short relations will say that they had much experiences, because they changed guys every weekend. This is not true, because they are all the time on the beginning of story. They don’t know how respect works, what does it mean when guy cares for you when you have flu, and how is to eat untasty food with him and smile because you can’t diggest it. How is to cook when you have no idea and your partner doesn’t complain, he is willing to help you to learn better.
Eyes of despair are worst than blindness. That eyes are looking in wrong direction. From that road, you will see always the same team of people who are here to use you.
You are not desperate anymore when:
You don’t call partner after he stopped calling you.
You don’t beg partner to came back after he left you.
You don’t want to strangle his present girlfriend.
You don’t want to kill your friend because she is talking with your ex.
Words “i must find boyfriend” , “i will die” and ” i am ugly ” are not in your dictionary anymore.
 
 
Despair is a flood. You are desperate when you are alone, this despair will pick wrong partner for you, then you will cry in bad relation and you will cry again when it will be over. If you are looking partner when you are lonely, this is wrong reason, because nobody can’t be with you all the time. You will blame that person when she will be busy that you feel even worse.
Guys from the beginning of story are still alone, but they have each other. They are not aware that they have something, but they ignore that because this is not what they are looking for. Once when and if they find girlfriend, they will be jealous on each other if one stays single. That will be girl who separated them.