anxiety · bohemians · career · character · crises · depression · destiny · drama · relations

Do you let others to steal your dreams?

 

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Vision of life is often different than reality, because that vision is based on dreams which will not always come true. As young girl you maybe dreamed about career of famous singer, actress or dancer, but in reality you are secretary, waitress or nurse. In some period of life we stop dreaming, and that situation could lead us into black tunnel of depression.

What to do when your dreams did not realized?

Real end happens when you give up. Until you are in the game, your chances still exist.

Try with different solutions. Previous ways were wrong, so try with new refreshments.

Try with backup plan. You can’t get what you wished , but maybe you wish something similar, what is more possible to get.

Don’t make it worse, so don’t do something what you will regret later, to hurt yourself or to hurt others because things are not good.

Human wishes are curse. When people can’t get what they want, they are frustrated, desperate or even suicidal. It is not the end of the world if that woman doesn’t love you or if you were fired from job, but that affects negative at your self confidence. When you take other’s dreams, you may kill person inside. In movie “The escape from Alcatraz”, prisoner Doc was painter and this made him alive in jail. When headmaster of jail took his tools and forbid him to paint, his life was over, he made suicide.

Many of you will recognize situation when you hold on something what makes your life worth of living. This could be your wife, children, mother, job, or even just kind of hobby. Maybe you like to play piano or guitar, maybe you adore football. You can’t imagine life without these things, and if for some reason you lose your reason for life, you will think on worst.

Joseph lived in small city with mother and father. He suffered from depression and he could not find girlfriend, because of his psychological problems. Mother died from cancer, and one year later, father died from brain stroke. Joseph could not handle this pressure, he felt that he is alone at this world, even he had some friends. He made suicide by hanging, his friends found him in flat, without goodbye note. He lost parents and it was too hard kick for him, because his personality was too fragile and he needed expert help. His death was an alert. It could not happen like this.

Introvert, hypersensitive and depressive people are in black zone, and loss of dreams is big danger for them. They live in beautiful internal world, and when life take this away from them, they will decide about suicide.

I would love to say that all will end well, as in some fairy tale, but it is not always like that. Sometimes, you will not find prince, and you will work at awful job with stinky boss, even this is unfair. Even worse, you will see other people how they live life which you imagined. Someone stole your dreams , as Grinch. Now you live in nightmare.

You can change attitude and focus on good things, for sure that positive side is hidden somewhere, out of focus , where Grinch can’t reach this. There is no guarantees that things will change, but if you give up, for sure you will never catch your fantasies.

anxiety · behavior · bohemians · couples · crises · egoism · erotica · relations

Get over him in silence

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There is saying that silence is gold. It prevents us from hurting and bad influences from ugly words. Also, if you know to handle things quietly, you will keep your selfrespect and dignity untouchable.

Nick and Marsha met after 2 years of their breakup. They met in the street and they could not avoid each other , so they started little chat.

– How are you?

– Fine.

– How are you?

– I am fine too.

– Anything new?

– All is normal.

This was their conversation. Then they said bye. Unspoken words and silence talked more then words they said.

Marsha remembered their wild nights and his cheating around. Nick remembered of her great body and sharp mind. She never allowed him to rule with her, and he blamed her for being too independent. “You always has right.” – it was their sentence when they started conflict, one by one.

Some relation can’t be never fixed. If you start friendship, you will see obstacle like rock in the way. If you show feelings, more careness than is usual, things will be even worse. So they chose formality and silence.

Once when couple break up, large ammount of bitterness is in the air. If you want good memories, cover them with silence. Don’t digg and don’t start over and over again. Stop this clouds until they cause big storm.

Nick and Marsha walked away with peace in their hearts. Silence sealed their relation forever.

 

When relation comes to phase that words are sufficient, we must show sign stop. Close your mouth and don’t talk more. You agreed with breakup, now don’t change your mind. It is better to think that some things are in the air, than to ask something when damage is already done. Remember person how she was in her best edition. Let his smile stay in your memories and remind you on your best days. Next time, when you will walk with new love, you will say with healthy conscience that was your ex boyfriend. No regrets, guilty or rage from your side.

Some relations are as products with deadlines. When that deadline pass, that product is not useful anymore. Even worse, it will cause pains and unwanted side effects. Silence after breakup is painless solution. Nobody gets hurt, and you can go forward released from chains.

bohemians · character · crises · depression · destiny · freedom · happiness · relations

Are you afraid of challenges?

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Remember game with the bottle in childhood? You are sitting in circle with friends, someone spin the bottle and when this stop spinning, person who is nearest to the bottle will answer on questions. This was unpleasant situation because question were challenges. Some games went so far that picked person should kiss someone.

This was childhood trauma. Girls were playing with Barbara, she was introvert and good material for cruel jokes. They said to her, kiss the tree, otherwise we will avoid you. But Barbara was tough and she rejected to made fool of yourself. Kissing tree was worse than kiss the ugliest guy. Everybody waited but she did not move. That act made her stubborn and later she did good career, because she despise authorities.

Monica was victim of “truth or dare.” She got questions about her sex life, and in circle were some unknown guys. She talked without shame how she changed few guys in her bed, and after this game guys were looking at her with different eyes. One of them wanted to flirt with her, because she was so open minded. She was indeed naive, because her story spread around. The rule of the game was “nothing can’t go out of this circle”, but nobody respected this. She had troubles with rumors about her. Every guy who asked her for a date wanted sex.

The third girl in circle was Andrea. She was silent and old fashioned. She replied on every question in a way ” i don’t have idea, because i never went through this.” Indeed, she was boring. She lived in safe box and she stayed like these until 35. Life saved  her many troubles, but she was prisoner in golden cage. She still lives with her mother and she thinks that God has solution for her. Prince charming will ring on her doorbell and she will be awarded for her purity. Recently guy fooled her on internet. He had fake photos and when they met at coffee he was different person. He said these were photos from his youth, and she was so disappointed.

Truth or dare is life question. Shall we accept challenges or not?
If we want to taste beauty of life, we will sign invisible contract. We accept to bleed inside, to suffer, to cry. Also we will have joyful days, full of life and happiness. Never regret because sometimes you feel that you are frozen, that you can’t get out from your house because life was unfair with you. You will be wiser and stronger after you solve your problems. Also, you will be grateful, because you broke this obstacles. This is pleasure, when you get something what was so difficult to reach.

Barbara was stubborn, Monica was naive, and Andrea was coward. They faced with problems on different ways. Life gave them what they earned in this truth or dare game.

behavior · bohemians · character · discrimination · drama · envy · relations

Be careful with whom you are hanging out

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A long time ago my mother told me : “Be careful with whom you are hanging out. ” She knew that my friend, who was 15 years old then, already have a boyfriend, who is 8 years older than she is. She saw them during summer holidays at river beach, how they cuddle each other without shame, in publicity. She said that she is not good company for me, because she is obviously experienced, and filthy.

Few years ago i realized my mother has spoken truth. That friendship broke, because my friend X was indeed embarrassing person, without inhibitions and indeed selfish. After all, her boyfriend wanted to touch me once, when i was very young, and i was shocked with his behavior. That man was pervert, and she did not see that. They split later, as my mother knew what will happen.

My parents never made differences between reach and poor, smart and limited, ugly or pretty people. Just, they always suggested me to care on my reputation. If you are associated with such people, they said, others will not see differences. I really realized that is true.

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When i nowadays say that i am glad i am picky about friends, i mean next:

I love to hangout with people who help me to progress. 

I like people who are loyal to me.

I like people who will not make me ashamed in publicity.

I like honest people, who will not lie to my face.

I don’t like sugar coated people.

I don’t like people who are self centered.

I don’t like people who try to copy me, my decisions, my lifestyle or anything else.

I don’t like dependable people.

What i learn, is to separate people from their actions. I saw her with her boyfriend, we were young, and he brought me in ungrateful position, because people thought that i am like her, and i was just a kid. I forgave her this, but later i saw she will do everything just for her own sake, as she did not care how i feel or what i think.

Friendship is not one side alley.  Two women are going out, one is focused to follow her ex boyfriend, will they follow him all night or they will listen what other side say?

Some people think that friends are only audience for listening, but when they need to listen, they became suddenly deaf.

Why we need to pick our friends? It doesn’t matter who is pretty, rich, poor, noble or successful. That are shallow qualities. What really matters are well intentions. When you see your friend in trouble and you think all day how to help him. When you see your friend is busy and you wait your time, not to disturb him. When your friend make you favor, and you never forget this and next time you are happy to give him feedback. When you say your honest opinion even your friend doesn’t like it, but you say because you care and you wish to be honest.

I know when i wear something, that i will ask opinion of my friend, because she will never say that something is great if it is not. She will not mock me, but she will say that i can dress something better. I know when i ask her advice about marriage, she will not make situation so beautiful, she will say how it is, very realistic. That kind of friends are rare, but possible to find.

So when my mother said : “Be careful with whom you are hanging out”, she thought about people who will not stab me into back, who will earn my trust and appreciate me.

behavior · bohemians · character · discrimination · egoism · energy · envy · relations

Are we society of hypocrites?

When someone accepts you as you are, with your natural characteristics and principles, that person care about you. You don’t need to be perfect or different, all you need is just to be real you. It sounds very simple, but it is not easy to find person who will recognize real you. Life is full of situations when we will be forced to hide our real personality, at least until storm pass.

 

When we are playing roles?

At workplace.
Every workplace has own rules and if you wish to fit in, your skills will be focused how to survive. You will learn fake smile, sweet words and smarmy behavior, even that is not real you. 

When someone introduce you to his parents and relatives. 
Now, you will be an actor. Can you tell to mother of your boyfriend that you changed guys as socks before you met her son? No, you can’t , so you will be innocent, kind flower who discovered life in the moment when you met him. 

In politician groups and circles. You want to be candidate on next elections? You wish that people vote for you? If you are hasty, aggressive and troublemaker, people will not trust you. But, why to tell the truth? Now you wear nice business suit so you can act role of gentleman.

At funerals.

Sometimes you will not be sad because someone died. Especially if that is your boss or mother in law, you will feel relief if they made your life bitter. What you will do? Cry and wipe fake tears, make sad face and give condolence to their families.

At business meetings.

Now you are pretending that you are listening, that you are so fascinated with some ideas or projects. In fact, you can’t wait, when this will be finished? You will not say that you get bored. You will say that it was so useful meeting and then is time to ask questions, to show interest. 

Some situations are appropriate for playing roles. That is not hypocrisy, that is just survival. Your mask will protect your interest, but also on that way you are protecting others, you are not embarrassing them, and all are happy.

If you need to pretend in your free time, that is problem. You have special person in your life and she doesn’t like real you? Now you can’t reveal your real face, that mask will be with you forever. Maybe you need to die inside, for the sake of your partner.

Problem in human nature is in expectations. It is nice to see happy and kind face , but truth is somewhere else. We can adopt some patterns of behavior for some occasions, but we are not robots, and this schedule will have failures.

The key of happiness is in acceptance of others imperfections. Our kindness has limits, as our patience. Every person knows when is time to show real, naked truth, and when is time to hide this bomb. If we don’t have understanding, this bomb will explode in unexpected moment. Then everybody could ask, who are you and how they did not see this before. That hypocrisy was on their way, but they skipped over it.

bohemians · character · depression · drama · energy · freedom · psychology · relations

Are you person without plans?

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When you see life as kind of game, you are playing as kid in the sand. Nothing is serious for you, because you are having good fun. Then, something happens and you will understand life on different way, more seriously. Now party is over and it is time to settle down.

Love also consists from phases. First guy you kissed maybe was your classmate in school and you will not remember him. Then, it was story of your life. Later you lost your virginity with cool man, and after that you found guy who wants to marry you . Now all before that became ridiculous.

Mine friends used to say such things about their former boyfriends:

“I was so stupid when i did calls every day and night. His mother knew my voice, i even talked with her.”

“I was hitchhiking just to see him, because he did not want to visit me.”

“I cut my hair because he prefers short hair.”

All that dramas were intro , because our experiences leads us to maturity. This is normal when you pass such things as teenager, and in thirties you are person who knows what she wants or she already got it.

Sometimes, life play cruel games, and some gifts which you supposed to get in certain period will skip you.

Which kind of people are immature in soul forever?

Man who did not kiss a girl, and he is already 30.

Woman who changed many men, and still she did not find right one, even she is already in certain ages.

People who live with parents after 30.

People who save their virginity even they are over 30.

Life is not pattern, and we are walkers through this path. Some women will never get married or have children, the same as same men. Nothing is guaranteed. When life skips over you, you are chosen to stay child in the heart and soul. You will see that something important miss you, and also you will try to replace this.

How to be happy when you did not get what you wished?

Travel around, you will see things which you never saw before.

Go on parties, football matches, birthdays, events. 

Make new friendships.

Find some hobbies.

Strange things happen when two people, who are somehow damaged, meet together. Charlie lived with parents even he was already 30. He had bad love experiences and also he was a virgin. His days were the same, he did not know when was Monday, and when was weekend because he was watching movies nightly and working daily. Then Victoria came to his city, as tourist, with travel agency. She wanted to know London and accidentally he met her in one museum. They started to talk about history and she invited him on coffee. He was confused, but he accepted. Victoria was divorced, 40 years, still attractive and she did not have children. She was cheerful as little girl. Charlie never laughed so much, they continued contact over internet when she left in her country. They were two lost souls , victims in life who skipped them. In the moment they are talking about future, how to be together , because they recognized each other.

When life pass over you, clap your hands and don’t give up to be noticed by life. Some people carry bigger burden than others. Accept this as sign that you are not ordinary. Maybe you don’t have husband or children, but you were on places where others will never be and you did things which others will never do. Life gifts are not the same for everybody. Some have different package. You are just one of the people without plans.

behavior · bohemians · business · career · character · discrimination · life · relations

Likability – 3 reasons why people like you

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Recently i had quarrel with my office mate. She said that everyone at my workplace hate me. I almost cried from laugh, because i am not important boss and i don’t bring crucial decisions that everyone would dislike me. Hate is strong feeling, and when someone hates you, this means that person is afraid of you, wants to be like you or simply, you have something what that person could not have. I said on diplomatic way, that i came there to earn money, not to love or hate people. For me, they are blank and i will be nice to everyone because this is my professional duty. Maybe i sound cold, but i am really not interested about their children’s poop, their problems with coughing or husbands who snores all night.

This brings me to next question, why some people try to force other’s empathy or love? Why they are desperate for likability, and what is this, indeed?

Remember your childhood, when you first time felt that your peers dislike you. Did you fit in? Maybe naughty girl destroyed your favorite doll or nasty guy hit you with ball into face, so you came at home with tears in your eyes. As teenager, maybe girls laughed to your pimples or you have been considered as nerd. As workmate, maybe you tasted bitter insults because you wear wrong clothes, you are not kind or you radiate on negative way.

So, if you are not miss or mister of popularity, should you buy shotgun and shot into your head? Maybe you try to get what indeed attract people and why someone is having huge number of friends, and you are bohemian soul.

I see three kinds of likability:

Artificial likability. 

If you are famous, not everyone is your friend. They will follow you cause you are popular. How many sincere smiles and words are on your side? Many of this things are fake, because you are rich and successful. Today they admire to you, next day they will laugh to you.

Forced likability.

If you watched war movies directed by Clint Eastwood, you will remember soldiers who sow fear. Tough general is in the center of likability, but this likability is based on fear. In the case of defeat, someone will shot him.

Spontaneous likability.

This is the best form , because people love you for what you are. You are not dependable of their opinions, you don’t ask nothing from them, but they simply love you, because your independence inspires them.

Recently i was talking with psychologist on his blog page and he asked people what is likability, how they see this value. He said that such person has deeper insight of life than in mainstream media. This brings me to next conclusion : how much internet force people to be likable for each other? When you see desperate teens seeking for likes who can’t move eyes from their cell phones, in expecting of notifications on social media, are they desperate? Or, this is just sheep race, because her classmate got 30 likes for profile photo, and she is not so popular?

anxiety · behavior · bohemians · cyber space · depression · discrimination · drama · ego · freedom · relations

Can you introduce yourself as black sheep?

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Society is covered by rules. Don’t do this, be careful with this, you should not do this. Conformists will follow this rules without complaining because they need this as orientation. This is like compass for them, how to behave if you don’t write tips. They would be lost.

An opposite, rebels make own rules which are not in harmony with rules of society. It doesn’t mean that rebels will behave against law, they will simply not fit in .

It was end of school year and children in class decided about celebration. In former Yugoslavia, all parties were with folk music, and singers as Lepa Brena were very popular. Everybody in class accepted to make celebration with bellows, but Maja said no. Sound of bellows was awful for her ears. She did not come that day in school, simply she stayed at home. They said to her that she is an awesome sausage, in Yugoslavia it was symbol for black sheep.

Maja was fan of Metallica and she stayed by her taste and attitude. Her friends were gossiped her, but she did not care.

– Why you did not come? Everybody talks about you how weird you are.

Strange, weird, odd, just some of description to mark different people. Especially in socialism, there was principle of equality. All people should be modest and equal. Just, some were more equal than others, that was real truth.

Next case happened in prom night. Sandra did not want to dance, and guys were laughing to her. Girl, and you don’t know to dance? Let me teach you. Sandra did not accept this. She simply wanted to sit and talk. Why to force her for something she did not want?

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Black sheep lives on different way.

Childhood –  i will not play with Barbie dolls because i don’t like them

Youth – i will not smoke, drink or have sex because everyone else do this

Maturity – i will not listen my boss because i have right to ask other opinions or i have my ideas

Old age – i am not sick so i don’t want to go to medical center

If you are black sheep, you are not sensitive on critics, you don’t have much friends , but you have the biggest choice. Be sure, others are envious and jealous because you have guts. You paid your price, but you got an award, to authorize your personality as brand.

bohemians · bullying · character · friendship · gossip · illusion · relations

How is to feel like uglier half?

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Do you know the meaning of word DUFF? That is Designated fat ugly friend, by urban dictionary. So, now you expect creature about 100 kilograms weight, with thick glasses or pimples on face, who wish to be in your company?
Or, maybe you wish to find someone similar, to pull more attention on yourself, because two good looking persons will look better with third, plain or ugly person, who is walking with them?
Society is cruel, especially when you are young. Everyone will talk about inside look, about beauty of personality, but these things came out when you get older. When you are young , there is possibility to collect crumbs from your pretty friends, because you are duff.
Saturday night is here and you wish to go out, to meet awesome guys. You focus your attention on one, but he is too handsome, too cocky or just unavailable. Lucky for you, he has duff friend.
What is the task of this duff?
You can talk with duff friend, to collect info about your guy.
 
If you are familiar with duff friend, you will be invited on party where is your guy.
 
Duff will not be rude toward you. He is happy because he talks with pretty girl.
 
Duff is intro in big game. If you talk with duff, now you are ready for next phase. 
In society everyone plays roles. Soon, some guys will realize that they have power because of their natural benefits.
Sean was handsome guy with 3 ugly friends. Timothy, Ryan and Wesley were cool guys, but they were virgins even they had 25. If you look at them, they would remind you on Adams family. Girls called them Team Gethaldus because they had glasses . Even Sean was rude to them, they did not want to leave him. When Sean dumped girl, she would cry and complain to Team Gethaldus, they were shoulders for crying. Sometimes they would even get kiss or hug from that abandoned girls. Also, they learnt a lot about women psychology from Sean, and once when he was in good mood, he gave them some advices. Later, when they created own business their luck turned over.
For sure many girls felt like the duff , in the company of their good looking friends. For comfort, everyone can be in the role of duff. Imagine yourself as friend of Scarlett Johanson. You are pretty, but she is a star. Or, maybe to be friend of Paris Hilton? She is famous, and everyone will ask about her, you will maybe drag her bags in shopping time.
Some girls will avoid company of popular friends, because they don’t want to be in the background. Other will intentionaly find ugly friends, just to feel superior. In any kind of such friendship, this reasons are bad. You can’t underestimate person, because she is maybe ugly, but she could be smart, talented and creative. You might hurt someone and regret it later.
There was time when i was average teenager, with my sexy friend. She was in short skirts and high heels even she was 16, and i was as nerd kid. Everyone asked for her, and i was kind of postman, until i quit this. Guy interested for me even i was her duff. She wanted to give me advice about him but i wanted to get out from her shadow. Later, i broke with her and with this guy, but i learnt about myself. Lack of selfconfidence will indeed make you the duff.
If you are person who sits in the corner in the night club, if you reject everyone who try to approach you, if you are grumpy all the time and you make conflicts from nothing, you are the duff. This label is something what you stick on yourself. Society is sometimes ugly , but members are here to change the rules.
bohemians · character · cyber · cyber space · destiny · drama · relations

Who is dating online?

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One of prejudices about virtual relations is that only ugly and desperate people get involved in relations over computer monitor. If you ask some people who is dating online, they will see teenage boy who is 100 kilograms weight and live in the basement, so his mother brings him pizza until he is surfing on his new PC. Or, maybe they will see old woman with cats and thick glasses who watch soap operas and meanwhile her computer is opened 24 hours. 

You would be surprised by fact that everyone of us can fall in love in virtual space. What is common to us who fall in virtual love trap is lack of something from real life. In the moment when you find yourself staring into some profiles , you are already there, as sober man who is going to pub and start to drink big bottle of  beer. 

What are reasons to spend much time in virtual chat rooms?

Asking for a friend. Your real friends were assholes or you are so busy with work that you can’t find time for them, so it is easy to find friend in virtual space.

Attention. Nobody listen to you and your problems, but in internet you can post awesome status and pull attention on yourself.

Admiration. Nobody gives a shit for you in reality, but on internet you may surprise people how special you are, so they will admire to you.

Sex. Your real sex life doesn’t exist, or is boring or lame or you have no appropriate partner, or you are too picky or shy. But in internet pages, you can enjoy to watch striptease of some women and to do masturbation.

Love.  There is a long time as you did not feel sparks, and if you are talking with special stranger on internet, you can feel it.

In movie “Her” guy fall in love in his operative system. That is only computer voice, (in movie voice of Scarlett Johansson) and guy lose all contact with real world. When she admits to him that she is connected on such way with thousand users, he is jealous. That is negative side of virtual space, you never know if your special virtual darling shares fairy tale with other people too. You can say to him or her delicate details about your privacy, but how can you be sure that somebody else will not found out this, too?

Internet is big trap. If you are handsome, smart, powerful, ambitious and respectable person in reality, lies will not spare you anyway. Joan was successful manager, but she fall in love in stranger from Greece, and she was doing cyber sex with him even during pause in her office. All until the day when confused client came earlier and reveal her privacy, with red face and blouse on the floor. Joan get lost herself just like that, because Dimitris from Greece had special way to make her mind horny. She was busy, her body was not in action a long time ago, her ex husband left her because of nurse, and she was perfect target for manipulative guy who will give her magic moments.

Your virtual partner is personification of someone who miss in your life. 

Maybe you wanted to date a model? In internet are many fake models. Do you want to date with gang leader? Here is new Al Capone for you. Maybe you just want old fashioned gentleman, he will come with right words for you. They will promise, someone will give you numbers, even send tickets to travel to them, and some will meet with you.

The moment you meet with your virtual mate is moment of truth. Sasha met with Peter who was cool guy on photos, but she revealed that his fingers are hairy, what a shock. He was midget, too. When virtual curtain falls down, actors are on the stage and they represent themselves, but they will show what they real are, not what they played until now. So until now this person was your sweetheart, and now you may update your heart, to compare your perception with reality. 

If you still like what you see, you are winner in this love lottery.