Book and review

 

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Recently i wrote book about outsiders, cause i made group at Facebook and it inspired me to write something about this phenomenon. When i created group, i got requests of many people, and some of them thought that they will chat there cause they felt lonely. Program in their head was totally wrong, cause i had no intention to open dating site and chat service. I wanted people who think out of standards, who see beyond social conventions and who are able to make progress. So all these loners, pests and rigid people i rejected.

I don’t know how someone can get an idea that outsider is lame creature who beg for friendship, relation, attention? So i wrote a book to explain my view.

In this book i got awesome review from British author Patricia McDonald .

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By Pat McDonald
Oct 12, 2017
This is a book to make you think. I found myself pondering introspectively about my childhood and developmental years. Whilst it reinforced some of my beliefs about myself, it made me reassess others; it even made me look again at why I took the path to become a bullying activist during my working life. The author has an extraordinary insight for one so young and a rare understanding of human behaviour. Having just discovered the truth that in hardship you discover just who your friends are, to read it here hits home. I thought I had friends until two years ago and a brain tumour was discovered; it still amazes me that only one person has come back since I survived and all the others disappeared. They say the ‘Truth will set you free’ – sometimes it is hard to take! This is well worth reading. I heard today that the petition I signed to lobby Parliament for including teaching mental health in schools in the UK has just been accepted and the debate is scheduled for November 2017, one small step! Always believing myself a black sheep, and I tick so many of her boxes to confirm it, it is the why that has been challenged. You are indeed never too old to learn especially about yourself. This may have helped me sooner had I read it years ago, as it was it took me 55 years to like myself! Well done Kristina Gallo! Pat McDonald British Crime Author
Here is the book, also you can leave your review and i will be happy if you read it.
You can leave your review here:
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Who watch your back?

Sometimes we can’t handle problems alone. Even the strongest person will need shoulder for cry or just a hug, as sign that everything will be better. If you are woman, you will need double dose. We are sensitive creatures and even we don’t want to admit it, sometimes we need corner for cry.

When you feel as the whole world is against you, when your life is expressed only in black color, you will need support. Our friends, sisters, brothers, parents and our beloved husbands or wives are our shelter. We expect comfort from them because they are in our hearts.

Dana came from work, exhausted and angry. She cried, not because of grief, he was angry because at her workplace was huge injustice. Her office mate is smoking and nobody wants to act against her, and Dana is choking every day in cloud of cigarette. At the end of work time they had fight and Dana almost slap her. It was very ugly scene at office, but necessary. So Dana wanted support of her husband Dylan. He talked with her, but there was no emotions in his voice. He talked about behavior at workplace, about holes in law system, and general conclusion was that life is a shit. She did not get hug or kiss. Later he turn on television and it was end of conversation. She was even more furious. She went on Skype and talked with her virtual friend Boris from Moscow. Suddenly, stranger understood all what she wanted to say. He did not use much words, but she make her laugh with some jokes. She felt close to him, more closer than to Dylan.

When we talk about our personal problems, is our beloved partner always right choice for conversation?

When you spend every day with one person, argues are unnecessary. He is also tired, exhausted, maybe unhappy. So, some stranger will have more energy to comfort you. At least, he is more objective, and if he says wrong words you will not yell at him. You can close camera to finish conversation.

What when our support is missing? When Louise lost virginity, she said about it her sister Linda. Linda had breakup with boyfriend and all what she said was :”So, big deal.” Louise was disappointed, but she tried to understand that circumstances were not good to share her secret. Even, she always remember how she could not share her first love experience with sister.

Talking about other problems will help to forget ours. I always think, if i can help someone with advice, my existence is not useless. I can’t help myself, but maybe i can help others so this is not in vain. Maybe, one day it will turn back to me for good. Of course, i will always think who is person worthy of my help. I don’t want to involve in something what is not my business or to get damage from this.

You are good support if you are objective. It is not necessary that you put your hand in fire and get burn. You can tell to person about self respect, about positive views of some situation or just to make someone smile. Just don’t feel sorry because this is an opposite effect.

Support is feeling that you can lean on someone. That person will be your right hand when you can’t anymore. She will help you to get up. But, at the end, you will deal with your problems alone. Nobody will get dirty for you.

How is to feel like uglier half?

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Do you know the meaning of word DUFF? That is Designated fat ugly friend, by urban dictionary. So, now you expect creature about 100 kilograms weight, with thick glasses or pimples on face, who wish to be in your company?
Or, maybe you wish to find someone similar, to pull more attention on yourself, because two good looking persons will look better with third, plain or ugly person, who is walking with them?
Society is cruel, especially when you are young. Everyone will talk about inside look, about beauty of personality, but these things came out when you get older. When you are young , there is possibility to collect crumbs from your pretty friends, because you are duff.
Saturday night is here and you wish to go out, to meet awesome guys. You focus your attention on one, but he is too handsome, too cocky or just unavailable. Lucky for you, he has duff friend.
What is the task of this duff?
You can talk with duff friend, to collect info about your guy.
 
If you are familiar with duff friend, you will be invited on party where is your guy.
 
Duff will not be rude toward you. He is happy because he talks with pretty girl.
 
Duff is intro in big game. If you talk with duff, now you are ready for next phase. 
In society everyone plays roles. Soon, some guys will realize that they have power because of their natural benefits.
Sean was handsome guy with 3 ugly friends. Timothy, Ryan and Wesley were cool guys, but they were virgins even they had 25. If you look at them, they would remind you on Adams family. Girls called them Team Gethaldus because they had glasses . Even Sean was rude to them, they did not want to leave him. When Sean dumped girl, she would cry and complain to Team Gethaldus, they were shoulders for crying. Sometimes they would even get kiss or hug from that abandoned girls. Also, they learnt a lot about women psychology from Sean, and once when he was in good mood, he gave them some advices. Later, when they created own business their luck turned over.
For sure many girls felt like the duff , in the company of their good looking friends. For comfort, everyone can be in the role of duff. Imagine yourself as friend of Scarlett Johanson. You are pretty, but she is a star. Or, maybe to be friend of Paris Hilton? She is famous, and everyone will ask about her, you will maybe drag her bags in shopping time.
Some girls will avoid company of popular friends, because they don’t want to be in the background. Other will intentionaly find ugly friends, just to feel superior. In any kind of such friendship, this reasons are bad. You can’t underestimate person, because she is maybe ugly, but she could be smart, talented and creative. You might hurt someone and regret it later.
There was time when i was average teenager, with my sexy friend. She was in short skirts and high heels even she was 16, and i was as nerd kid. Everyone asked for her, and i was kind of postman, until i quit this. Guy interested for me even i was her duff. She wanted to give me advice about him but i wanted to get out from her shadow. Later, i broke with her and with this guy, but i learnt about myself. Lack of selfconfidence will indeed make you the duff.
If you are person who sits in the corner in the night club, if you reject everyone who try to approach you, if you are grumpy all the time and you make conflicts from nothing, you are the duff. This label is something what you stick on yourself. Society is sometimes ugly , but members are here to change the rules.

Do we underestimate bullying?

When Paula had 13th birthday, she went at school with concern. Some guys in her class did not like her, and teacher had no understanding for her problems. She was victim of bullying and all what she could do is to wait 2 years until she finish elementary school. Then she will not see that flock anymore. Her doubts were true, so when guys found out about birthday, they start to provoke her. When she replied in the same ugly way, they start to beat her with fists and she was crying. Guys were enough wise not to leave big wounds, only few scratches. Nobody in class wanted to involve, they stayed away. It was her worst birthday, she went home humiliated. Her mother was in school another day, and teacher said that is normal situation between children in this period. She asked her mother also why Paula’s hands are shaking, that she should feel safe between her friends in classroom and that she is too shy.

As adult woman, Paula doesn’t trust to men. She thinks in two directions: men wants to use her for sex or they want to hurt her. This perception comes out from school days, because every time she meets man, voices in her head scream to alert. She had many sexual adventures, because she thinks she deserve to be humiliated. As consequences of bullying, victims could be promiscuous or totally closed for sex experiences. Paula was promiscuous woman.

Bullying is as an octopus. 

It grows on all sides, and it develops in many phases. 

Other students start to tease victim.

When victim answers on violence, it become worse.

Little jokes can turn into aggression, with physical wounds and scarves.

In the case of silence, bullying will continue because there is no authorities to stand on its way.

Once when it finish, consequences will stay. Victim of bullying will have distorted perception about people.

In american movie “Bully”, based on true event in year 1993,  guy was violent student Bobby Kent who did aggression to his friends and girlfriend, he took power to rape, beat and abuse everyone on his way. This damaged group of kids made deal to hire hitman and they killed Bobby together.  Main killer, Marty Puccio Jr. got death penalty, which was later turn into life prison, without possibility of abolition. The others finished in jail with different punishments.

It is better to stop and prevent, than to deal with terrible damage later.

Why this happens and why some children are victims, and others are bullies?

 

Profile of  victim:

different than others, usually introvert

– person with poor social status or with some physical disadvantages

– someone who is talented or geek

– person who avoid big groups and usually read lot of books

– someone with unusual ideas, outsider

Profile of bully:

violent person

– egomaniac

– control freak

– person with good financial status

– person who is popular at school

This things are happening everywhere. In ex Yugoslavia, schools did not have even psychologists. It was wasting of time to talk with immature children about violence, and headmaster was main boss, to solve mess in school. When some wild child created mess, it was enough to slap him, and things were finished. Nowadays, bullying became worse, because here are social networks, cell phones and these are dangerous tools to ruin someone’s life. One photo with teenage girl in bra is enough to ruin her life.

As long are people on this Earth, here will be jealousy, envy and hate. Hate starts in childhood and develops in high school. Bullying is the worst follower of hate. Cut this roots.

How virtual world kills people?

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Words can’t kill you, but their effect could be suicidal. You don’t believe this? Little girl from north-western Croatia, small city Lobor, 15 year old,  was found dead after threats and insults at her internet profile. One of her “friends” wrote under photo : “You are ugly, you better to kill yourself.” Reason of this insults was fatal guy, so group of girls notified her about possible revenge, because she stole guy who was already taken. She disappeared at first and her body was founded after, under suspicion that she committed suicide.

In Italy, girl in same ages made suicide because her photo was published at facebook page. In this photo she was vomit in toilet , after party where she was drunk.

In Bosnia, guy published porno video with his ex girlfriend, where they made love. Girl reported him and he got punishment about 3 years of jail.

This cases made one question: How much strong is human character?

How much we can handle, when pressure on our nerves system is too high? What to do when everyone turns against us, even when our “sins” are published at internet?

I can tell about my experience, about message i got in my inbox, when i denied friend request. Guy wrote: “Bitch, who do you think you are? Fuck your mother. Bitchhhhhhhh. “

For sure, this is not pleasant when someone is threating you public. If you read between lines, you will realize that person who insults you without reason in fact talk about himself. This message talks about his education, character and maturity. He can’t handle rejection and he doesn’t approve other choices. Maybe his parents are divorced or he never had parents. For sure, he is single and he had no luck with women.

Social networks are kind of prison, where only the strongest survive. People associate in gangs to fight together or to hang someone in public. If you stand on someone’s feet, you can expect everything. Sensitive and young people will often fail in this test, because they spend hours and hours at internet and it takes them personaly. For some people, it is the same as whole neighborhood made conspiracy against them.

What to recommend to their parents , teachers or any person who care about possible victims?

See how much time this person spend on internet. Take her on fresh air, in cinema, anywhere to relax and rest her mind.

Tell her don’t take this personaly, because some people are frustrated and jealous. 

This person must surround herself with people who love her, to raise her selfconfidence.

She must ignore or reply on higher level. Virtual bullies are the most unhappy when they see that victim is on higher level.

Smile and show happiness, because positive attitude is as cold shower for abusers.

 

Nobody will shot at you behind camera, you are safe if you don’t meet with person alive. Just, some people will try to kill you slow, with cold weapon. Look around yourself, on which way you lived before, did you need keyboard to be happy? Is it important because avatar insults you? How much damage can do ugly disclaimer to your personality?

When you let abusers to drag you into their dirty circle, you make damage to yourself. Social networks have rules , but people must protect themselves at first.  Internet is not battle field, you can’t return boyfriend who doesn’t want you anymore but you can embarrass yourself. You can’t get magic stick to make your life better but you can learn how to survive and focus on things which are really important, far away from ecran and keyboard.

How to recognize virtual stalker?

Internet should be a place for gathering people in a way that they respect each other, exchange ideas and not disturb. Unfortunately, progress of technology made all lunatic of this world to came out, as worms after rain.

I believe that many people faced it with kind of maniacs and stalkers on different ways and that it was unpleasant experience. I know persons who deleted profiles and never appear at social networks again because of this kind of trauma. Also there is possibility of hacking which is more harmful.  Not all social networks are safe, some are made for earnings, not to protect their members. Despite of rules, wise stalker will always find a way to enter and annoy particular target.

At least, we must protect ourselves from intruders. 


There is a pattern, as alarm , how to recognize virtual stalker.



1. the same minute you add person, he/she wants to talk private with you

2. that person likes all your photos and posts, immediately appear in every corner of your page

3. when you are busy, stalker asks what happened why you are not here

4. if you try to explain that you are not available or not in the mood for chat, person says that you are rude or pretentious

5. when you try to break connection, stalker starts to threat or blackmail

6. person try to contact you with  another fake pages if you delete him/her

In the past, lunatic and stalkers were in mental hospitals, nowadays they use internet to approach. That is why we all must use logic and common sense, to avoid that kind of associating. If stalker is already on our pages, we must get out from that connection with all possible buttons and tools. 

Indeed, next step could be meeting alive, and there options delete and block cannot help. You will stand face to face with freak or maniac.

Princess warrior – when woman abuse man

 

Women are known as gentle, fragile creatures and this soft perception about us is a kind of standard. If you talk too much, cry on romantic movies, if you spend hours in shopping, simply you are a woman.

In relation, woman represents gentle side. If man beats his woman, he is violent and woman can report him for abusing.  Law will protect women and female groups will brag about maniacs.

What happens if woman beats his partner? Mostly, men will be ashamed of that fact. Come on, woman beats me, she hit me with fist, she slaps me? That is not a woman, she is a beast. Should rules change and in this case, man must treat woman as strong gender, not as fragile flower?

If your woman is as princess Xena, things are not so funny. Megan Velter is a former soldier. She thought that her boyfriend is cheating her, so she decided to punish him on old fashioned way, with fists. What is more interesting, she called operator and told him that her boyfriend is professional fighter and that he beat her. She made herself as victim and used stereotypes about soft ladies.

Stereotypes protect us when we are in such kind of troubles. 
It is easier to believe women tears, than to injured man. Women are not violent by their nature. Woman can pretend that she is raped and to prove this, she will rip her clothes as she is attacked. Naive people will think that really happened. “Omg, who can do this to such soft lady? Some maniacs. ” Few tears, innocent and sad eyes and nobody will blame baby face for crime. She was abused, bullied by violent men, because only men can do this – that are prejudices about violence.

 

These stereotypes have roots in fairy tales. 


Princess was gentle woman with golden hair, and prince was hero. He would smash heads of other men to protect his lady. She was not soldier or wrestler. This is so masculine, how can woman fight?

Sometimes, roles are changed. Safe house is not only shelter for attacked women who are victims of family violence. Some men also needs shelter from their women, in a case that they fall in love in soldier lady.