Do you tolerate different opinions?

When you have choice, you can pick what you wish because your hands are free and you are not influenced by others. You choose accord your principles and beliefs. That is very easy, because you know what is the best for you. What happens when you need to accept other choices, even you don’t like them? This question is measure of your tolerance.

Every time when we meet new person, we are introduced with her personality. That person comes with package. That means, you will not accept in your life only beautiful girl with sweet smile. You will accept her beliefs together with her. You may not like her parents, relatives or friends. Also, you will be terrified with her political beliefs. You could be an atheist, and she is religious. You have different musical taste and enjoy in pop music, and she wants to go in opera to listen Chopin or Verdi. Differences will cause conflicts, and reactions will be various.

How to represent your choices in publicity?

Don’t push your beliefs forward others, don’t try to persuade them that you are right.

Never humiliate or underestimate your friend or partner, because they think different.

Don’t create conspiracy against others because they don’t support your beliefs.

Don’t use insults and don’t play dirty. Low kicks are just proof how far you can go in manifestation of your ego.

When kids are fighting, they will cry, yell or insult each other without limits, because they are kids. First level of maturity begins with acceptance of other choices. It doesn’t mean that you must follow majority and join to the crowd, as sheep in herd. That means diplomatic skills.

What happens when you fight against wall and you wish to promote your beliefs as general rules?

You will lose affection of your friends.

You may got nickname as dictator.

People will consider you as closed minded person, primitive or egomaniac.

Sarah was leader of international department in one firm. She could not stand that her employees are getting late, so she was punishing them for every minute when they did not come at time. She did not accept any apology from them, even if some women had children and they had obligation to go in kindergarten before work. Soon they made jokes from this and ordered Swiss watch for her birthday. Sarah was furious and next step was threat in email. She said that her employees must answer on every phone call otherwise they will get smaller salary. People asked her what will happen with that missed calls during their pause for smoking and toilet. Sarah lost her power for few months because she could not handle pressure. She could not accept that other people also have right on their opinion and their choices, even they were under her position at work.

If ego stands on your way, you may lose some interesting friendships, opportunities for love and chances for good job. Your best friend is liberal? Your nephew is gay? Can you accept this with tolerance?

If you can’t accept it now, you may meet with this in future. You are conservative, but your son and daughter could be liberal. Imagine Cher, her daughter changed gender. It was not easy, but as mother she accepted her decision.

Your choices could change with time. Maybe you were rebellious in youth, and now you follow different rules. That will help you to accept other preferences, because you know advantages and failures of both sides. One thing is sure, if you accept person only because she thinks the same as you, in first conflict your friendship will break on pieces.

Our choices define us and our relations with others. If you think that only you have right all the time, discussion has no sense.

At the end, your choice is your echo. What you choose it will come to you as reflection in the mirror. Don’t act as policeman with warrant :”You have right to be silent, and if you say something, we can use it against you.”

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Are you ready to be honest?

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Honesty is value which everyone wants, but not everyone is able to handle. This is kind of mirror with two sides, and once when mirror is looking at you view is different. I was often judged because i speak on honest way, i don’t know how to pretend. Even if i tried too, my facial expressions would show opposite.

So recently my colleague complaint that i never ask how is she, i never knock at her office door. She said: “I could die and you would not know. ” I replied: “Well i am sure someone would notify me about this. “She said to me: “I like your way, you always know what to say. “

She accepted my honesty even it was not sugarcoated. This is not always the case, so try to be honest with some people, they will say you are bad mannered, rude, cruel and so on.

Just, what kind of offers we get from people who constantly praise us?

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We never know where we are standing with them

We can hear the same compliments for our rivals.

We can notice that compliments are based on pattern “good, sweet, very well. “

I could say to that lady that i love her much, that i feel sorry cause i did not check up on her, that i am bad colleague. Instead of this i said that was on my mind, because workplace is not place for personal therapy and i am not obligated to knock at her door.

Many relations would end up before if couples would be honest. Many friendship would be tempted if friends were honest. If guys were honest, many women would not accept one night stand.

So, we are indeed hypocrites. We talk about honesty but we enjoy in lies. We allow critics but expect compliments. We ask for truth but we are hungry for sweet words.

Where you will find honesty?

In situations when person has no other choice. She know someone other will tell you, so she must tell truth.

From your enemies and rivals. They will not lie about what they feel.

From someone you know very long time. My partner will not lie to me, so if i look bad in some clothes, he will tell me.

To accept his precious appearance of honesty, at least you must be brave person with strong attitude. You need to handle defeat, critics, dirty mouth. You don’t have to feel bad because someone dislike you. You should feel bad if you can’t handle that someone closes you door.

 

Make choice, regret is expensive

 

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I don’t have luck. Me and my bad luck. We will say this often when nothing good happens in our life. Then, happiness will leave track. You hear someone is knocking on the door? If you don’t open, person will leave and maybe return next time. Or never. The same is with opportunities. They are here, and if you don’t use this moment, all what is left is regret.

Ivan had good chance to work in Switzerland. He was engineer and he got offer to work on project , for good salary. He was thinking because this opportunity has a price. He should move from Croatia, together with this family, and to live in Luzern. He should left his friends, parents who were old and sick and simply to start for a new life.  After many doubts he gave up. How he will leave his city, friends from childhood and how his parents will live without his visits? He had children and they used on school, how would they fit in Luzern? He stayed at his job, for average salary. After ten years, when his factory fall in debts and director announced bankruptcy, he remembered his business chance.

Similar situation made Eva to regret. She was between two men. One was handsome, with temporary job, and other was rich, less handsome but stable and with good character. She chose first. Her life with Victor was hell. He spent her money and runaway with waitress. Eva spent whole night with postcard from Filip. Meanwhile he got marry and Eva remembered her missed chance. She wanted adventure and life with Filip would be boring, accord their view. Or maybe not? She choose Victor and it was big fail.

Every choice leave consequences.

What occupation you will choose? How about your job, life partner?

Will you quit present job and ask for new?

Will you marry for that man?

You are pregnant and you don’t want to keep your baby?

Our choice will leave mark in our soul. How could it be and what would happen if you choose different? Sound of regret is very sad. Maybe you did not have guts to risk more. Maybe your sacrifice would be too big and painful.

Regret is bad follower. If you did not choose right, try to be happy with things and persons you have. You did not recognize what is good for you, so now make your choice better and live with this.

Why are people attracted to gambling?

 

Get up early and stay at work , then repeat it until weekend. It doesn’t sound nice , isn’t it? Industrial age invented work time 8 hours, and when alarm clock rings , this sound is worse than any bad songs you listened during your life. So, thoughts about easy money are present in your mind, you would sell soul to devil just to stay in bed. That is how average person lives, work for money.

One day i was walking in the street and two pretty girls gave me free tickets for casino. It was promo ticket and i went there to taste luck. I did not win, but they wake up my curiosity so next time i came with my money and won. During seven years i was winning and losing , depends of luck. I don’t have debts but i heard about people with bad destiny, who get into troubles because of pathological  gambling. I heard about neighbor who lost flat because he had no money to return. I heard about man who spent social recompense for his children, all on poker table. I heard about other man, who never came back in his country, because somewhere in overseas he lost huge money in casino.

Why are people attracted to gambling?

Escape from routine. 

When you spent all day in office to earn 30 EURO daily, your sight is focused on machine which can bring you jackpot. Sit half hour and you might earn more money than whole month. The same, you can lose your salary for half hour. This is risk and if you feel your heart is beating, you are addicted.

Possibility to meet interesting people.

For sure, in casino is always something happening. You can meet even celebrities . You can get advices how to gamble. Also you can share experiences.

Tournaments.

Many casinos have organized tournaments with rewards for the most successful players.

Last time you won.

That is how story starts. You won when you were there and now you want to win again. Or, someone else won and you are hoping that is your turn.

Last time you lose.

If you lost money, you wish to get it back. And how you will return money, if you don’t play again?

You are depressed or sad.

This game will raise your blood pressure. If you get money, you might forget reason why you are sad. Alert, if you lose money, you will get out from there with more anger than you get in.

No matter do you play on slot machines, roulette or poker, your intentions are to get money. It means, you are player. There are also other kind of people, observers. These are the worst. I remember woman who sit next to me , with cigarette in her mouth and tried to talk while i was gambling. She was not there to join, she wanted to see how others lose money and to disturb. So i said to her to go in coffee bar for chat.

You will easy recognize players who are not only observers. 

They never talk with you. They are focused on their game.

They play sometimes on few machines. Automatic button is turn on, so they wish to increase their odds to win more money.

Sometimes they are swearing , it means they are losing. 

They knock on machine, for luck. They play with smallest coins, just to be there. It means they already lost much.

If you see someone who is bragging about big amount of money, be sure that he lost a lot before. That is darkness of gambling, you will lost much money before you win. You will win and then it will not be enough, so you will play and then lost. Once, when debt is here, you will start to make plan B. Maybe you did not eat because you need money for gambling? You did not go to hairdresser because this time you feel lucky?

Gambling is one of sins. If you are minor, gambling is forbidden to you and owner of casino will pay big money if minors are gambling there.

Even this addiction is invisible, gambling is red apple with worm inside. When you drink, you feel dizziness. If you smoke, you will start coughing. If you eat too much, you will feel sickness. Well, when you are gambling, there are no signs of alert, just your empty wallet. Then you will start to ask people to lend you money. Then you will sell some jewelry because you need money for one more time.

Gerard Piquet, famous Spanish footballer has habit to gamble. If he lose money, he will not feel sad, because he has more than enough. When ordinary person lose money, trouble is here. Everywhere in casino are warnings about influence of gambling.

Gambling is somewhere between hell and paradise. Losers are in hell, and winners in paradise. If you once won and then lose , you are in purgatory. You will for sure back again in the game.

Are you grateful for the things you have?

 

 

Are you grateful for the things you have in your life? I don’t think about furniture or new plates, i think about your private and professional life. Sometimes, we forget to save gratitude in our heart because our mind is too busy by dreaming about something we still did not realize.

Gradation looks like this:

I don’t have boyfriend.

I have boyfriend but we are not married.

We are married but we don’t have kids.

We have only one child.

Our kid is not obedient, we have problematic teenager.

In professional plan, we can use same pattern:

I am studying and i don’t have job.

I have job but my salary is small.

I have good salary but i have no free time.

I have job but my boss is dictator.

It is about human nature, where all are rivals, competitors and opponents. Why your neighbor owe expensive car, and you are going at work with bus? Why your kids can’t have designers clothes? Why your friend has bigger flat then you?

We are dreaming because of our ambitions. It is not bad, i am also ambitious person. I think i deserve much more than i have in the moment. Just, also as other people, i am ungrateful. The root of happiness is in gratitude, and sometimes i forget how lucky am i to have things other people don’t have. I am healthy, but i was paying attention to my health only when doctor said to me to do blood analysis. Then, waiting with other patients in emergency, i felt gratitude when i got my results. Before that, i imagined all possible negative stories in my head. Later i was drinking, in the name of health.

So, this is key of human gratitude, that we appreciate something when our ground can slip under our feet. Simply, you have boring husband, you are arguing with him often, and one day you see him to talk so friendly with some other woman. Then you start to think, why i am so ungrateful? Or, you are struggling with your work, but one day new intern come to take your place and you start to fight for your position, like you wake up from dream?

That is why we should not sleep with open eyes. I am grateful even if i want more. Why rich people get on lottery? Because they are not in frequency of despair, they know it is possible to win money.

Today i will be grateful cause sun appears here , there is no flood, earthquake or hurricane. This is feeling of happiness, when you breath on fresh air and walk free.

Are you cautious person?

When you get burn, you will blow on cold. Bad experience is alert, and your red alarm will open light anytime when troubles are on the way. This is kind of warning, don’t repeat the same mistakes again. Even repeating is mother of knowledge, if we stuck in the same traps, we are wasting our time. How do you feel screwed from the same person or with same situations again? Like fool.

Roxanne learnt from past experiences. She had violent boyfriend and her blue eye or broken nose were reminders. Many time she justified how she hit into door or how clumsy she was , but once when she get out from this, apologies were unnecessary. Her next boyfriend try to hit her during conflict, and she left him another day.

Somehow, when we pass through boomer situations, next similar event will cause our flash back. I was hitchhiking and i had unpleasant experience, so there is no chance that i would do it again. It was before 10 years or more, and i surprise to myself how i was brave or foolish. Then i lost fear, but now i got warning. This happen in maturity, when you start to feel that is not recommended to put yourself into troubles, if there is easier way to solve problems.  Playing role of hero is not always brave act, sometimes is stupid. If you see that two men are in street fight, will you involve into this if you don’t know them? If you don’t want to be damaged, better not.

When we are careful, we will protect ourselves.

What does it mean?

Sometimes you will refuse to help your friend because it is against your interests.

Sometimes you will not give second chance to people who hurt you already.

Sometimes you will give up from some opportunity, for the sake of someone else. You like this guy, but you are not single so you will not accept his invite for dating.

 

When you are careful, it doesn’t mean that you afraid of risk or that you are closed in the box. Simply, you need time to think about and reconsider this offer. If you think that is smarter to stay away, do it. People can say : “You are coward.” That is not true. For example, i don’t want to travel alone in foreign country to meet with stranger who invite me from internet. I am just careful.

Some battles are not worthy of fight, others need time and adjustments, and sometimes is the biggest victory to stay calm until storm pass. That is difference between childish behavior and maturity. Kids never think about consequences, and mature persons will have kind of Libra, to think about good and bad sides of the same situation.

If we accept everything what this life offers, it is like we are walking around with binding eyes. We can crash with bad people if we act like blind mouses. Careless person is like bat, flying around until she hit into wall.

Our inside alarm should be always turn on. Look at this red button , this is your alert, that you are not doing something right.

Did you give more than you get?

 

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Quid pro quo, that is an old Latin proverb. It means , give and take. If you ask for favor , i will do it, but next time i will need feedback. If you don’t want to help me i will consider you as selfish. Ask next time something from me and you will not get it.

Human relations should be based on reciprocity, as we have two hands on one body. I give you love and i expect your love for return. I am loyal to you, i will not screw you, but also i am not a fool. If you think that i am not worthy of your respect and loyalty, for sure i will know this and you will lose my affection.

Selfish person will hardly understand meaning of reciprocity. So, i am used that others please to my wishes. It comes out from childhood. Mother made cake for me but i don’t want to wash dishes. She will wash instead of me. My friend did my homework because i did not know how. She asked me to borrow her skirt, but i can’t do this, i don’t lend my clothes. Selfish person is one sided personality. That kind of person will receive, but never give for return. She has always right and only her opinion is important. As dictators in history, that people are masters and others are slaves.

Selfishness will exist so long until other will accept her existence. Sonia lives with mother even she has 40 years. So her mother is doing all kind of job in this flat, but Sonia always paint nails, read and she is princess who would make her hands dirty with such kind of work. One day mother got sick, and Sonia was forced to cook her tea and make a lunch. Then she saw her selfishness. Mother could die and her last act would be making favorite meal for Sonia.

We cannot be soft accord selfish people. They must be faced with their character. If you do accord their wishes, you will never warn on your rights and needs. Indeed, you don’t exist if your boyfriend or friend never did nothing for you, to make you happy.

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Reactions  might be various. Egocentric will swallow bitter mug.

They can make angry. What, this is thanks for me because i am your friend 10 years? I can’t guess what you wish.

They can feel guilty. Sorry, i did not know that my acts hurt you. I will try to make it better.

They will not admit. No, this is not true. I do things for you but you don’t see this.

They can ask for replacement. Well, if you are not satisfy with me, i will find another friend. I will find another woman who will make me happy. Someone will appreciate me more than you.

What is reason of other selfishness?

Simple example from virtual world. People ask for likes on their pages but they don’t want to give likes for return. Why is that?

Some conclusions:

Well, i can’t promise you return. If you wish like my page , if you don’t want no problem. 

I am famous, so you need to kiss my knees, be happy because you are my friend.

I am too busy with myself, i have no time for others.

In generally, selfishness is ugly. You do many efforts to make close with selfish person, but she underestimate you. At the end you feel as an idiot.

An opposite, when you have friend who understand principle of reciprocity, you feel as you found your lost part. You give and receive. This is spontaneously, you don’t need to force or beg, simply that person knows that you are happy with such treatment.

Give and don’t expect nothing for return is incomplete thought. Maybe you don’t expect but for sure you will be disappointed if you don’t get what you wanted. Or, you are asking in wrong place?