business · career · character · drama · dreams · ego · egoism · relations

How to recognize envious person?

 

Happiness is visible on your face. Finally, you got what you wished. New flat, new job, new boyfriend. Maybe just one of this, but enough to make your eyes shining. You can’t hide your smile. So, you wish to share your happiness with friends, because that feeling is most precious when you can notify others about it. What is reason of your smile? Now, everyone will know.

This feeling when you get lucky is like alcohol. You did not drink but still you are dizzy and mixed. In this situation, you can be little naive. Do you think everyone will be happy because of you? Happiness is background for envy. There is saying “green from envy. ” This feeling is now in opposition, your happiness faced with envy of somebody else. Why you and why not he?

When Zoey got new job after one year of waiting, it was reason for celebration. After first salary she invited her best friend Monica in coffee bar. She expected that Monica will be happy, because they knew each other very long and Monica often paid drinks to Zoey, that she felt unpleasant. Now, finally Zoey can pay bill .

Zoey said to Monica that her new job is in another city, that she is travelling and come home in early evening but it is not important because she waited this opportunity very long time.

You will not handle this my dear. You will be tired and what is with your private life? What will be when you will have children?

This reaction was totally unexpected because Zoey thought that Monica will be happy for her. After all, she could not choose and she needed money, not other’s mercy or judgement. 

Next time Zoey and Monica discussed about other topic.

Dear, i was in Italy with my fiance. We had great time in fun park Gardaland. It was really adventure.

– Aren’t you old for this? Don’t you afraid of some kind of accident? I read about deaths in roller coaster. I would not go there on your place.

Monica was in the role of Grinch. As Grinch stole Christmas to children, Monica was stealing joy to her best friend. She was envious and Zoey did not feel good in her company. She could not be happy for her. An opposite, she wanted to spoil her happiness with judgement, preaching and teaching. Monica was single and her frustrations were visible on every corner. She was even more angry when Zoey find job. When Zoey was unemployed, Monica had power. Now she lost this power and she was furious.

How to recognize signs of other’s envy?

Envious person try to make your success less worthy. Oh yes you have expensive car, but it will spend much money on gasoline. Yes you got promotion, but you will work even more than now.

Envious person will provoke you. So, you are dating with Jeannie? I have heard she is easy girl.

If you are smiling and celebrating, they will say that you need to be more silent. Oh, dear not so big deal that you got this job. Everyone is employed, you don’t need to make party from this.

Envious person will warn on negative sides of your success. Well, now you are familiar person, and you will not have your privacy anymore. Stalkers and pests will be your followers. Do you know that handsome guy is playboy? Good luck with such boyfriend.

So, when we suppose that others will be happy because of us, results are not always in harmony with our expectations. On other hand, we will recognize true friends in this situations. Real friend will give you hand and shake it firmly. Friend will drink with you whole night if you wish. Also, real friend will find inspiration in your success.

Once my friend said to me : “You did it and congratulation. You gave me hope that i can do it too.”

relations · business · dreams · career · ego · character · discrimination · drama

Did you use too much tact?

 

Person who is afraid of other reactions and opinions is not free. There is saying “he walks on eggs”, as metaphor for his behavior. Be careful what you say. What will people think about you? Don’t yell, don’t laugh loud, don’t cry in publicity. Pay attention how you act because people can judge you.

It is normal that we are connected with environment where we live, and society made some rules. No, you can’t walk naked on the street unless you don’t want to be in prison or in mental hospital. You can’t hit people with bottles because you don’t like them. That is violent act.

Insecure person will always take care of other opinions. Wear gloves in interactions with others because that is safe. Well, it is not right and also it is impossible to please everybody.

For example, your parents are traditional people . They believe in God. What if you find girlfriend who is an atheist? How you can represent her to your family? If you are coward or conformist you will think first about yourself. Well, it doesn’t fit in so you will leave her or suggest that she can be your mistress. So this is easier way, you will hide your passion and everybody are happy. Wolf is not hungry, sheep is still alive, both sides made agreement.

If you have character and your principles, you will say clear that you love your girlfriend and that you think serious about life with her, no matter if your parents are against. You can be isolated and in some cases maybe your parents will not talk with you, but you decided to defend your choice.

Even compromise in such situation looks like an ideal solution, this is not right. If you hide your girlfriend from publicity, she will be unhappy, she will be humiliated and soon her bad mood will forward on you. You can’t hide someone as rat in rat hole. That girl can feel as Ana Karenjina , as woman without honor.

In generally, we can’t say that we don’t care for anybody and that only our opinion is important.

We care for people who are close to us and their support is valuable for us. Just, think about bad influence on your life if you choose to please everybody. You will have thousand friends and everybody will ask favor from you because you will not deny. Then also you must have chameleon abilities, to change accord other wishes. One day you will be tough guy, other day you are romantic and soft, depends what people are asking from you.

That gloves you wear became too tight, isn’t it? You are choking because you have no space for your needs.

What you wish? What are your priorities? 

Listen what other people talk, but do accord your wishes and principles. Find this balance in situations which are important for you, because you are the one who will live with consequences of your acts.

behavior · business · career · drama · mindful · moral · relations

How our problems spread claws?

 

Every misery ask for company. Trouble never comes alone. In the time of recession many people are unemployed or with small salaries. That problems spread deeper into society. As octopus, their shanks are on many places.

Poor man will became beggar or criminal. Beggars will be social problems, and criminals will fill courts and jails. Streets will be battlefield for social mess and someone can get hurt during demonstrations. Unemployed people have no money to shop. Shopping malls will be closed or empty and country will have debts. That debts will be on international level and country will fall into debt slavery.

Domino effect has terrible consequences. Problems are part of big chain, everything is crushing down. If you want to solve this situation, go on election and choose another government. Ask yourself if your voice can help.

The same thing is in private area. So many times we can hear “all troubles stick on my back.” I have spell because everything is going wrong.

When you get divorce this is not an end. It opens door to another problems. Financial side, lost trust to other possible partners and if you have children they lose mother or father. So in this way we observe problems as an album with black and grey photos. Small problem can grow into big problem. You get drown deeper and deeper.

This happens when you don’t discover causer from the start. What made your situation so bad? Let’s go back at the beginning. Now, when everything is crushing down, you can see that it didn’t come over night. Or maybe you did not want to see, you intentionally closed your eyes?

Sabina complained that her husband left her. She was in marriage 10 years. Then she dig into her memory, how she forgive to him all affairs and how he treated her. He did not show her love as she expected. She wanted to keep him so her eyes are closed. That was pink delusional view, not real picture of this situation. So why she was surprised when he declared end of their marriage?

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How to handle with our problems on rational way?

When we dig hole for our problems, we forget about solution. 
Well, no big deal, i will not pay my bills immediately, but for sure i will pay. Now my bills are bigger, i did not pay last three months, how so?

It is better to prevent, than to heal.

It can be too late, damage is already done. Then we can accuse others why that happened. It is better to kill the wasp than to deal with cluster. Let’s cope with that problems until they are small, because later you will be too weak to solve this alone.

Once when problem is here, don’t make it bigger.

Don’t fall in despair and don’t make disaster by making desperate moves.

 

Ask solution with sober mind.

Don’t try to solve anything while you are crying, drinking, or you are in the phase of rage.

Remember past solutions.

Sometimes, old problems which are solved could be great inspirational source for solving new.

business · career · character · communication · crises · depression · destiny · relations

How we do the same mistakes again and again?

 

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Mistakes are part of life. When someone says that everything is going smooth all his life, that person lies, because reality is not video game. We never know what can go wrong and how many levels we need to skip for our score.

If you constantly learn on your mistakes, this price is very expensive. Sometimes is necessary to learn from others. Mistakes are problems with hidden chances and family roots. In your family is maybe person who failed in one situation, and now you are passing the same problem. Will you do the same or you wish to read previous book about this?

Louise had all chances for success. Pretty girl and talented teacher had many proposals for marriage, Problem was in her wild side, she was very stubborn and she left her home early, when she was 23. She found man and got marry for him, even he was only 19, not ready for marriage. She got pregnant so they lived in marriage for a year. He left her with excuse that he can’t be father , he was too young. After this Louise found another man, who was without job. They married and stayed together whole her life. He was not good husband. Lazy, aggressive, he dared to slap her even she was the one who earned money. Louise gave birth to 3 sons, all were lazy as their father. When school mate met Louise, she started to cry and talk about her failed life.

20 years later her niece Catherine was student . Also pretty and talented girl, she was studying law. Catherine had this family inheritance, stubborn character and wild nature. Her boyfriends were all the same, hooligans and bad ass guys. But, Catherine did not follow example of his aunt Louise. Her mother always talked her about Louise and her destiny. She used to say : “Don’t finish as Louise. You will work whole your life for some scumbag and even worse, if you will have kids, they will have the same gene. At the end, Catherine had fun with all that guys, but when it comes time to get marry, she listened mother’s advice. She got marry for man with aspirations, who was successful businessman.

If you learn on other’s mistakes, results are next:

You know the story and you can get different point.

You know where was the problem.

You are winner in this dead race.

You are spared of troubles.

When someone warned you about bad situation, this is battle with instructions. You know the enemy, you got weapons, now only your skills will decide about the result. If you can’t play good with good cards, you are loser. It is not necessary that you repeat mistake which was already done. You think that is not the same, so you will go at bottom together with your forerunner? That is suicide. You remind on man who jumps from the highest building, and hope that he will not hit  with his head on the concrete structure.

If you think that life always go with instructions, you are wrong. 

Sometimes, your fake friends will try to win over your back. Did you ever had friend who asked you to help her with choice of job, friends or even partner? “Tell me which friend is good. Which guy is good for me, can you tell me? What kind of job is good for me, can you help me?” Some people ask for nanny, to teach them how to avoid thorns and pick up roses. You are stupid if you go with bloody hands just to make safe ground for other person.

Mistakes in love are so painful. 

If we could only know how will our story end, we would spare ourselves of troubles. Well, sometimes, some signs will tell you that someone before you passed something similar. That scenario already happened. Now you can use that script for your sake. Be wise and learn. These kind of deja vu mistakes happened to someone who can’t fix it. You can do it if you can read between lines.

business · career · character · crises · depression · illusion · jealousy · lies · life · loyalty · relations

How to gain respect from people?

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There is a quote : respect is hard to get and easy to lose. Respect is base in all areas of life. If someone loves you, he must respect you, there is no real love without respect. If you have no respect in your friend circles, your friends are fake. Also, when you have no authority at work, it means you are disrespected.

Some people are born to be respected, but others must work hard to gain respect.

Imagine woman with big breasts and child face in business circles. She must try hard to get respect of her cooperators. Human mind is superficial and very often people will not think of her as business lady. Stereotypes are obstacles on the way to respect, because it is hard to change what is in other’s heads. You can help yourself in this situation, to teach people what they can’t do. If you wear dirty clothes, if you swear until you are talking, your message is clear : “I don’t expect respect from you.”

Barbara was really sexy nurse and nobody get her serious. Even some doctors had habit to pinch her or comment her big decolletage. One day it was enough, and she replied properly on joke about her . When she was sitting, her boss said: “You can open legs more to see your panties. ” She replied :”In your ages i would buy bigger glasses. ”

It was scandal but she earned respect as in prison, on harder way. Sometimes we must play games to earn respect. Sometimes we will be in situation to slap person who shows disrespect.

 

The same is in social networks. There are so much traps where people can feel disrespected. When someone add you and ask for sex on camera, this person is bad mannered. Delete and block, because, so pity you can’t slap him or her. Unfortunately, social networks are lair of disrespectful people and they have all freedom to express this.

If you want that others show respect, you must have self respect.

Don’t let people to make bad jokes with you, to spit on you without punishment. Some people learn on hard way, the same as donkey who need paddle to behave. There is a difference between joke and provocation and this boundaries are connected with respect. If you think you don’t deserve respect, others will feel this and you will not get what you ask for.

Start with yourself and your respect will grow day by day. One of the most important things which you need to know is how to use NO and YES. In your mind is a list what you allow, and what is forbidden. Surround yourself with people who respect you, because respect is a chain. Once when you wear invisible crown, others will know that they can’t mess with you

business · character · control · discrimination · egoism · mobbing · moral · relations

Where is difference between good boss and dictator?

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Obligations and rights are connected. If you are obligated to do something, you have right to ask other things for return. Especially at work, workers have rights and obligations.

In generally, we are humans. If you work at office, you are educated and you deserve appropriate treatment.

Your supervisor, headmaster, boss is not a king neither dictator.

Some bosses have this kind of requests.

 

Knock at my door before you enter.

 

Check what i wrote to you, because i have no time to read what i wrote, read between lines.

 

All important places on documents should be marked with post it papers, in different colors. I have no time to read complete document.

 

Bring me coffee in the morning.

 

Can you take my bag when you are going on business meeting with me?

 

Help me with computer, i am new in this technology age, and some things i don’t know. But i am boss so why should i know?

 

I am always right, because this is hierarchy.

So let suppose that we please all this wishes. Now we need something for return.

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What we will get?

 

If you complain on your boss, go to higher boss. Higher boss will talk with your supervisor, and circle is closing. Of course, try to work harder and you will not have reason to complain.

 

If you are working on the same document or project six months, and your boss doesn’t want to accept your idea, that work will never be finished.

You must copy paste what your boss said.

 

You have problematic client? Try to be calm and reply to him or her, million times if that is necessary.

Even your client is ready for mental hospital, you must have abilities of shrink to guess his wishes.

Some bosses forgot that we live in the age of democracy.

We are not slaves. We know that nobody can’t cut our heads. Also we have brain and ideas. Just because someone is on high position, it doesn’t mean that person is the smartest and genius. It has different meaning. Boss can be person who built career on fake kindness. Right words on right time and right place and here we are. I know person who was always late at work, he had alcoholic problems. But when structure of firm changed, he was the first one who run from office to office to ask for his rights. He was orphan and victim. New people on the top trusted him so he got position as boss of the department.

If we are making mistakes we can’t judge others for the same just because our position is better.

If responsibility exist, it must be justified no matter who did wrong. We can’t punish people accord positions, so person on high level will get smaller punishment. There should not be saint cows.

Every obligation has background. Besides, how we will motivate our workers, if their salaries are small, if we don’t give them enough free days and if they must work sick or under pressure?

Underestimated person is as donkey. You can beat him, but he will still stand on one place. There authority fails, because if you don’t respect your colleague, he will not respect you either and system will fail.

business · character · control · depression · destiny · jealousy · lies · life · loyalty · luck · relations

How to face it with treason?

Face it with treason is hard kick in the ass. That moment when you realize that trustful person is traitor, someone in your life with whom you share trust, confidence and give part of yourself is indeed mole, discovery of treason is great shock. That Caesar and Brut story can’t leave us calm.

What is treason indeed and who are traitors? 

 

Indeed, traitor is selfish person. When someone is a snitch, spy or rat, that person is selfish. It is opposite of loyalty, because when you are loyal you are thinking about your friend, you don’t want to hurt him or her, you are careful and you have balance. But indeed treason is kind of weakness, and traitor is person with a price. Now you must only find out how much that person costs.

The worst kind of treason is in the area of friendship and love. This is a story about Alice and Victoria. They were inseparable. Two different girls, as two sides of the same mirror. Alice was shy and calm, and Victoria was hot tempered and hasty, but they completed each other. Alice had ability to make Victoria calm, and Victoria taught Alice how to fight for her aims. Until the day when Alice met womanizer Peter, it was great friendship. Peter was notorious guy , he had suspicious job and many women around. At first he wanted to seduce Victoria, but she rejected him. From that day Peter was thinking only how to revenge. He seduced Alice, she was sweet and kind and ideal for role of his wife. During marriage Peter used all possible ways to separate Alice from Victoria. All attempt failed because Alice was devoted to her friend. One day Peter said that he will take vacation from his busy work so Alice and him will travel together in some foreign country. Their marriage stuck in crises and Alice was crucified, because she always wanted to see Egypt, and now she had big chance.

There was only one condition – to break her friendship with Victoria forever. After long thinking, Alice has decided. She was silent as always, she just gone with her husband on trip without notified Victoria about that. She left her short message on her door “sorry, i love him and that is impossible to have you and him, so i decided to stay with my husband.” Victoria was shocked but she could not do anything. She was waiting, because she knew that it is not over yet. After journey, Peter asked for divorce, because their marriage failed. Not because of Victoria, it was because of his wish to control everything. Alice wanted to make peace with Victoria after that, but Victoria refused her. She never forgot her best friend’s treason , because she knew that she would do it again, as her loyalty never existed.

Life will give us situations when is time to choose.

It is hard to stand between two fires. For example, boss offers promotion to you, but condition is to break connection with your cooperator, to move in another city even this will separate you from your family. Traitor is person who will sacrifice others for own sake. It is just a mask that traitor doing something for community. Neither Mata Hari, double spy, did not do anything for the sake of community.

Traitor try to sit on two chairs without fall on the floor. 

So, if someone wants to hurt you over your friends, find out who is the weak spot in your team. Who is the rat? This is point in business world, steal ideas or people from rival company , but first find weak spot. Find a traitor who will fast change sides.

behavior · business · career · character · crises · cyber space · destiny · dreams · energy · relations

Who deserves second chance?

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Fool me once, mistake is yours. Fool me twice, or for a third time, mistake is mine. People are not robots, so everyone can do something bad to other person. No matter if you miss to do something good or you did bad thing, you made mistake. Now this is open space for another chance.

When you give another chance , your heart is opened to forgiveness. Forgive, forget and give new opportunity because we are all from flesh and blood. What is indeed second chance? This is benefit and we can’t splash it again. Inside of that second chance is also an alert , if you fool me again, this is forever.

Heart is soft and there is big space for forgiveness. Sweet words are melting poison, and person can cross us with promises and lies. Second, third or forth chance, who care, if he forgot first time, he will do it again. So, when you use second chance as expanded background for more bad activities, this happens in bad purpose.

Think about to whom you will give second chance. Will you exterminate lies and fake promises from the same person if you give this chance again?

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Heather and Mona were friends for a long time. That friendship ended up when Heather start to date with Mona’s ex boyfriend Paul. They broke up before a month, and Heather jumped into that relation without notify her friend. Mona did not accepted it well so she avoided Heather for a years. She was hurt because her heart was still suffering, and Heather put knife there with her decision to date with Paul. Few years later Heather met Mona at the street and they talked about past times. She was not with Paul anymore and she wanted another chance. Mona accepted her again, she missed her old friendship. After some time, Mona saw mysterious sms on the phone of her husband. Now she was happily married and she trusted to him. That sms was from Heather, she wanted to drink coffee with Mona’s new husband. All doubts went back. Mona kicked her out forever. Her husband denied invitation from Heather, and Mona regret why she allow to herself to mess with Heather again. She was not indeed worthy of try.

When we give someone another chance, this decision can’t develop over night. Why this person did not use first chance? Why we are now in situation that we need another proof of loyalty and devotion? It would be easier to erase this person from life, to give opportunity to someone new.

It is easier to trust someone new, because we start from the beginning. 

There are no glitch from the past. We don’t see tail from past mistakes. Man was drinking alcohol and lose his job. Now, after rehab, he start to work again, and he drink again. Maybe, under pressure of new chance, he will mistake again. Second chance can be burden for those who are starting the same path again. It is like you repeat the same class, once you failed, and you are tense because of past experiences.

If someone did mistake, think about intention behind it. Maybe that person did not know about consequences. Maybe this is just indolence. In that case we can forgive, with warning that this is the last chance.

Second chance is not invitation for third or forth chance. This is yellow card, as in football. You are still in, but if you mistake again, you are out forever.

business · career · gossip · jealousy · psychology · relations · sensibility · society

Why women at work compete with each other?

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When someone talks about discrimination between genders at workplace, many will pull trigger on men, who are bosses with bigger salaries, who are there to seduce innocent women or to abuse power on any other way. In shadow of this topic is relation women versus women.

Women are territorial as cats. Once when woman settle down on higher position at work , she is without mercy toward other who had no equal luck.

Women at work are separated on next categories:

Married. Respectable members of society, especially if they have at least two kids.

Divorced. Less respectable, but still in the game. Once she had someone, and if he left her with kids, she is worthy of condolence. 

In cohabitation. Women who live with men, but without legal paper. They are not so favorite, because marriage without ring and paper is not valuable.

Single. The worst category for workplace. You will be on target for all men, accord women gossips. Old, horny, ugly, even married when they wish to have fun. If someone has affair, you are on the line.

As much women are talking how men are cruel as bosses, they don’t see what they do to each other. Imagine young, beautiful girl who started to work , and her older roommates, not so young and beautiful, in the same office. There will be jealousy and envy, and soon she will get label as slutty girl or someone who steal other husbands. Her work skills will be underestimated, and if she will progress, all women will say that she did it through bed.

Women at work are very feisty when they talk about their privacy. If they are single, they will defend their status as the most desirable. If they are married, they will judge everyone who is not in marriage. If they are just engaged, they will also say that is the best time of their life.

Look at how Adele , single woman, talked with Andrea, woman in marriage, without kids.

“Well, at least i have weekend for myself. I don’t need to wash dirty socks and panties, and i don’t need to check is my husband hungry. I go to party. “

Your private status is your label. Once when you are employed, this status is part of your definition.
Sometimes, it will have influence on your professional tasks or you will have problems with vacation. When boss said to Mya that she needs to work overtime on holiday, she said : “But why me? I have three kids.” And boss replied to her: “Your kids are adults. If i say this to someone single, she will also complaint .”

Benefits related with status are also part of your privacy. Some women will use own family to get promotion, as for example : ” I need bigger salary because i am mother with two kids, i am single mother and so on. ” We all need money, but some circumstances will be our advantage. What about pregnancy? When Sheila went back at work after 2 years, she was promoted by default, even there were more candidates for her position. Simply, as mother, she got benefits which other woman could not have.

Sometimes, status will change. Woman will marry or have kids. Woman will get divorce. If this changes are unexpected, if woman is already in certain ages, this is perfect for gossips. Jasmine gave birth in forties, and women laughed that she hired man to get her pregnant.

Word discrimination is used so easily when man try to make joke at work with women, accord her abilities or her good looking.

But, when women start to sabotage each other, this is other piece of cake. You are victim of chicken fight. Instead of horny male boss, your rival is frustrated female who wait to tear you, because you are younger, smarter or more attractive. Simply, you have something what she can’t have and now you will pay for this.

business · career · internet · moral · psychology · relations · society

My first book

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For those who are interested to post review, here is my first e- book.

This book talks about internet world. Suitable for young generation who open their internet accounts without knowing where they enter and for older people who lived in different times, when like was not measure for values.

This book has purpose to make you smile but also to warn on some things which you might not noticed .

http://www.lulu.com/shop/kristina-gallo/lost-in-virtual-world-20-kind-of-traps-you-might-meet-on-internet/ebook/product-23288022.html

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