Today friends, tomorrow enemies

 

Yesterday we were close friends, today we are enemies. Shit happens, and life is creator of dramas and tragedies because human nature is variable. Some people will turn you back, no matter if they were friends, lovers, even members of your family. Some of us simply can’t stay firm and stable in their choices and decisions and life will push them on other side, side against us.

Amelia and Clara were good friends in childhood. Amelia was sensitive, and Clara was sharp, and she often underestimated Amelia , she loved to play mother role with her. Amelia loved Clara, she saw leader in her, and she was her follower. With years, Amelia start to feel that something is not alright and that Clara is more rival than friend, so she talked with her about her behavior. Clara thought that Amelia can’t understand her jokes and nothing changed. Later Amelia found new friends and openly said to Clara that she doesn’t enjoy in her company anymore. This was not the end. Amelia left with decent words, she wrote letter to Clara. Few weeks later Amelia received phone call. It was male voice, and he said : “Listen bitch. Do you think you can hurt people without paycheck? I will follow you and i will smack your hypocrite face. ” It was disturbing and Amelia cried from shock, so she even invited her cousin to go with her out. She did not see nobody around her, and for few days she realized that was a threat. Clara hired her male friend to call Amelia on the phone, she could not stand that little mouse Amelia broke their friendship. It was her way to revenge.

Real faces of so called friends will show up in the time of crises and conflicts. If someone can’t accept the fact that you cut of him from your life, you can expect anything. Revenge, gossips or anger, that are reactions of people who can’t stand denials or defeat.

When someone is leaving from your life, don’t hold the door locked. Don’t follow this person if you ever respected and loved him. Sometimes we can’t save relation, no matter is this friendship or love. But, we can save our pride and memories. Do you wish that your friend remember you as an asshole? I had experiences with people who did not want to be part of my life anymore. I let them go where they feel better. There is no sense that i beg someone for loyalty, respect and attention.

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People will leave from various reasons:
Sometimes they are jealous or envious, they can’t follow your step. 


Sometimes they will not understand that you are so busy and that you can’t focus on them.


Also, priorities are changing, and they will find another friends and interests. 


Some people are not born as stable. 

 

They can’t be on one place, with one person, and they can’t hold basic relations. They are in pass, as passengers in your journey. Take the best of them and let them go.

When someone can’t follow you anymore in your journey, set him free. Nothing is worse than person who is still in your life, but because of wrong reason as condolence and fear.

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If it is not on Internet, it never happened

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If it is not on Internet, this event never happened. If you travel somewhere, celebrate anniversary with husband, celebrate birthday, put your photos that whole world see this. Otherwise, your life does not exist.
I remember when i opened my sister’s diary and found something fishy, and later she got angry at me. Nowadays, when you open someone’s Facebook and find something fishy, person will get angry cause you did not press like or make comment.
I noticed that people forgot difference between secret and private.
Oh, you are married? I did not know that. It has been two years since i got married and some people at my workplace still questioning how i changed my surname. No, i did not share photos at my official e-mail, i did not bring cakes from wedding, i don’t talk about mother in law when i wait lunch at business restaurant. Simply, i think, this is my business. It is not their business, and at least it is not Internet business.
How many times i saw private talk on public statuses, husband and wife who are arguing in front of their thousand friends, photos of their children and kitchen? Once woman from Venezuela wanted to share photos of her family in tag, in my page. I said her, i have my life, and this is my website, with all respect, keep photos of your family for your close friends. I don’t want to see it. I am not jealous, envious or rude, i just have my boundaries, and i don’t need photos of your son who is playing in the mud with other children.
The best marriages and relations were made in silence. It is not kind of silence where you hide your partner. It is kind of silence where you don’t talk about your conflicts in public, where you don’t notify your friends about your private details and when you have this happy smile on your face because you put your privacy under lock.
Once i read about tennis couple , Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, who were always private couple. They were not jumping out with every photo of their kids, with every kiss and hug. Or to made porno video, as Kim Kardashian, to earn money from this.
The meaning of love is sacred. If i had conflict with my husband, this is between me and him. We will sit and talk, we will cry or scream, we will make peace. I never wanted to hear public advices as “He is not worthy of you, find better ” or “This is not good for you, i feel this. “
People are not always trustful. Many of them will celebrate your fall or they will not care. People love drama, but not because they wish to participate, they wish to have fun and gossip. If you give them gossip material, they will laugh to you under your back.
One Friday evening my neighbors had terrible fight. Woman was crying, her husband was yelling and they smashed something, i don’t know, i heard noise. When i saw that man few days later, i just said hello. I did not ask him about noise, crying or drama. It is his personal thing. As my husband said: “If he falls on our balcony,  we will call police.”
Technology progress did not give us much private space. We see other’s underwear, dirty socks, untidy rooms, unhealthy food. We see fat women who wish to be x plus models cause this is popular. We see even scenes from other’s funerals.
I always support curtains over private life. What is between two people is not show for audience. People are not paying my bills neither sleeping with me, so that is my right.

Do you tolerate different opinions?

When you have choice, you can pick what you wish because your hands are free and you are not influenced by others. You choose accord your principles and beliefs. That is very easy, because you know what is the best for you. What happens when you need to accept other choices, even you don’t like them? This question is measure of your tolerance.

Every time when we meet new person, we are introduced with her personality. That person comes with package. That means, you will not accept in your life only beautiful girl with sweet smile. You will accept her beliefs together with her. You may not like her parents, relatives or friends. Also, you will be terrified with her political beliefs. You could be an atheist, and she is religious. You have different musical taste and enjoy in pop music, and she wants to go in opera to listen Chopin or Verdi. Differences will cause conflicts, and reactions will be various.

How to represent your choices in publicity?

Don’t push your beliefs forward others, don’t try to persuade them that you are right.

Never humiliate or underestimate your friend or partner, because they think different.

Don’t create conspiracy against others because they don’t support your beliefs.

Don’t use insults and don’t play dirty. Low kicks are just proof how far you can go in manifestation of your ego.

When kids are fighting, they will cry, yell or insult each other without limits, because they are kids. First level of maturity begins with acceptance of other choices. It doesn’t mean that you must follow majority and join to the crowd, as sheep in herd. That means diplomatic skills.

What happens when you fight against wall and you wish to promote your beliefs as general rules?

You will lose affection of your friends.

You may got nickname as dictator.

People will consider you as closed minded person, primitive or egomaniac.

Sarah was leader of international department in one firm. She could not stand that her employees are getting late, so she was punishing them for every minute when they did not come at time. She did not accept any apology from them, even if some women had children and they had obligation to go in kindergarten before work. Soon they made jokes from this and ordered Swiss watch for her birthday. Sarah was furious and next step was threat in email. She said that her employees must answer on every phone call otherwise they will get smaller salary. People asked her what will happen with that missed calls during their pause for smoking and toilet. Sarah lost her power for few months because she could not handle pressure. She could not accept that other people also have right on their opinion and their choices, even they were under her position at work.

If ego stands on your way, you may lose some interesting friendships, opportunities for love and chances for good job. Your best friend is liberal? Your nephew is gay? Can you accept this with tolerance?

If you can’t accept it now, you may meet with this in future. You are conservative, but your son and daughter could be liberal. Imagine Cher, her daughter changed gender. It was not easy, but as mother she accepted her decision.

Your choices could change with time. Maybe you were rebellious in youth, and now you follow different rules. That will help you to accept other preferences, because you know advantages and failures of both sides. One thing is sure, if you accept person only because she thinks the same as you, in first conflict your friendship will break on pieces.

Our choices define us and our relations with others. If you think that only you have right all the time, discussion has no sense.

At the end, your choice is your echo. What you choose it will come to you as reflection in the mirror. Don’t act as policeman with warrant :”You have right to be silent, and if you say something, we can use it against you.”

Are you ready to be honest?

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Honesty is value which everyone wants, but not everyone is able to handle. This is kind of mirror with two sides, and once when mirror is looking at you view is different. I was often judged because i speak on honest way, i don’t know how to pretend. Even if i tried too, my facial expressions would show opposite.

So recently my colleague complaint that i never ask how is she, i never knock at her office door. She said: “I could die and you would not know. ” I replied: “Well i am sure someone would notify me about this. “She said to me: “I like your way, you always know what to say. “

She accepted my honesty even it was not sugarcoated. This is not always the case, so try to be honest with some people, they will say you are bad mannered, rude, cruel and so on.

Just, what kind of offers we get from people who constantly praise us?

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We never know where we are standing with them

We can hear the same compliments for our rivals.

We can notice that compliments are based on pattern “good, sweet, very well. “

I could say to that lady that i love her much, that i feel sorry cause i did not check up on her, that i am bad colleague. Instead of this i said that was on my mind, because workplace is not place for personal therapy and i am not obligated to knock at her door.

Many relations would end up before if couples would be honest. Many friendship would be tempted if friends were honest. If guys were honest, many women would not accept one night stand.

So, we are indeed hypocrites. We talk about honesty but we enjoy in lies. We allow critics but expect compliments. We ask for truth but we are hungry for sweet words.

Where you will find honesty?

In situations when person has no other choice. She know someone other will tell you, so she must tell truth.

From your enemies and rivals. They will not lie about what they feel.

From someone you know very long time. My partner will not lie to me, so if i look bad in some clothes, he will tell me.

To accept his precious appearance of honesty, at least you must be brave person with strong attitude. You need to handle defeat, critics, dirty mouth. You don’t have to feel bad because someone dislike you. You should feel bad if you can’t handle that someone closes you door.

 

How people lie at first date?

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Truth is naked, and lies are well dressed. Do we always want to hear naked truth, without imagination, just straight into face?

There are so called white lies, sweet ways to avoid truth or to make truth more beautiful, with some updates.

Men and women use different lies. When we start to know special person, we want to expose ourselves in best edition.

Men wish to expose themselves as brave heroes, rich entrepreneurs or candidate for stable relation, so they add some stories to their CV.

 

Men will say:

 

1. i have fast car

 

2. i have well paid job and good education from university

 

3. i was with many women, all were crazy for me, but you are special

 

4. i travel around world

 

5. i have very good business connection, my boss indeed eat from my hands

6. i broke teeth of some bad guys

What is the truth?

 

1. i stuck between credits for my car and house, i will be without money soon

2. i hate my job but i need it to survive

3. i am looser because all my ex broke up with me, or i don’t have much experience in love, i am virgin, i had only 2 women in my life etc.

4. i was never outside of my country

5. really i am intruder and nobody at my work don’t even notice me

6. i runaway from hooligans

 

So, if you had first date, what would you prefer? To know naked truth about guy who is indeed looser, or sweet lies ? That guy must have good insurance that you will wish to see him again.

 

Well he lies about his car, about his salary, maybe even about size of his penis and his skills in bed. But maybe you will found out that he is creative and able to deal with every situation, so it will be your challenge. On other hand, guy who represent himself as looser will be denied on first step. Imagine you met guy who says :”I live with my mother , she is retired and paralyzed and she gives me money for survival, i had no sexual experience during 3 years, and i am dying to see you again.”

 

Nobody likes despair, so it will be turn off. Real truth is somewhere in the middle. We women are asking for potential, ambitious guy who will show courage to deal with hard reality. Even we can forgive him lies later if he is able to change his present life.

 

Women like to represent themselves as pure so they will lie about number of sex partners. Also they will lie about ages, natural look and relations.

How women say lies?

 

1. i had sex only with one guy 

 

2. i am 20 or 25 year old (in fact 30-40)

 

3. my color of hair is natural

 

4. i don’t use much makeup

 

5. lies about weight and height are also on the top, high heels and belly belt will do good  deception , so woman can look slimmer or taller

6. i rejected many guys cause i am picky


What is the truth?


1. i slept with few guys before you

2. i am not so young

3. my hairdresser is responsible for my styling

4.  i will not get out from house without lipstick

5. i was on many diets

6. there is a long time since someone invited me at date

Women will lie with clothes, makeup, even with tears. What would guys prefer? To see woman without makeup on first date, without fancy clothes, and that she admit to him her sexual experience? “Yes, i slept with two best friends, i had few one night stands, but that is a life.”

 

Men doesn’t want to get rid of his vision about innocent women so fast. They want sleeping beauty from fairy tales, and later she can expose her real truth.

So, yes, truth is honest , but lies are here to protect us – at least at the beginning.

What if your friend makes you ashamed ?

 

This guy will firmly shake your hand. He is here when you are in trouble or when you wish to celebrate, you can count on him in all fields of life. Real friends are miracle because they will be here when you break up your relation, when you get divorce or if you have financial debts. As much real friend makes your life easier, fake friend will get troubles into it.

The beauty of friendship is in avoiding all differences. People with different statuses, from another cultures, religions and races are the best friends, there are many examples where nothing of that can’t separate people to associate together.

Question about religion, various languages, traditions and habits will never make such abyss as disrespect, dishonor and disloyalty. You can find yourself in situation when you will choose between self respect and friendship with certain person.

Let me introduce you this guy. His name is Luke and he is mechanic. He works with cars when he is sober, which is not often. He likes alcohol and his flat is full of empty bottles. He was party monster and he had much friends during his youth. Everybody liked to visit his parties to get drunk. Luke was champion, and nobody could drink more beer than he was. As time was passing by, his friends found girlfriends and jobs, so he was not hanging out with them too often. They were busy with daily obligations, so his friendships start to crack. Soon he had only few contacts, because they were avoiding him. Nobody wanted to be in situation to get embarrassed from drunker Luke.

It was summer and open air festival in his city, near lake. Luke was walking with beer in his hand and suddenly noticed his ex neighbor Zoe. She moved in another city because of work. Weekend was her time to visit parents and friends. Luke joined to Zoe on the table. She was not alone, but she felt sorry for this guy because everyone avoided him. Luke was drunk as usual and he noticed that Zoe has very pretty friends. They were her colleagues from workplace. Two blondes, Sarah and Ivy, girls with awesome smile and short skirts. Luke was offering beer, but they ignored him.

Dear, your boobs are so big. Which number of bra you wear? Let me guess your size. You remind me on Pamela Anderson. But, your tits are real, isn’t it?

It was very unpleasant moment and Zoe wished to vanish from this situation. She politely asked Luke to go away from them. He took his big glass of beer to make a toast and suddenly all fluid spill over the table. Girls were furious and left Zoe alone to deal with him.

Next morning Zoe visited Sarah in her office to apologize.

I understand you my dear, but excuse me, i don’t want to go out with you if your friend will join to us. He ruined my new blouse. It was expensive and now is totally ruined, black beer on white silk doesn’t look good. 

– I will give you money, i am so sorry, i had no idea that he could do something like this. Or, maybe i was too pity for him. 

Sarah was angry few days and later she accepted apology. Zoe never talked with Luke anymore. She gave him hand when nobody else did, and it was his thanks to her. He used opportunity to play role of idiot once again.

Sometimes our heart is too soft. We forgive other’s mistakes and even pay from own pocket. 
Bad acts should not be forgotten. If you forgive someone who did not deserve this, he will hurt you again, and also he will hurt collateral victims. That damage is as flood , spreading on places where you did not expect that.

Rat friend is not good choice. He will cut your good connections with the rest of the world. It is better to be a cat and eat him, than to give him slice of cheese.

How we do the same mistakes again and again?

 

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Mistakes are part of life. When someone says that everything is going smooth all his life, that person lies, because reality is not video game. We never know what can go wrong and how many levels we need to skip for our score.

If you constantly learn on your mistakes, this price is very expensive. Sometimes is necessary to learn from others. Mistakes are problems with hidden chances and family roots. In your family is maybe person who failed in one situation, and now you are passing the same problem. Will you do the same or you wish to read previous book about this?

Louise had all chances for success. Pretty girl and talented teacher had many proposals for marriage, Problem was in her wild side, she was very stubborn and she left her home early, when she was 23. She found man and got marry for him, even he was only 19, not ready for marriage. She got pregnant so they lived in marriage for a year. He left her with excuse that he can’t be father , he was too young. After this Louise found another man, who was without job. They married and stayed together whole her life. He was not good husband. Lazy, aggressive, he dared to slap her even she was the one who earned money. Louise gave birth to 3 sons, all were lazy as their father. When school mate met Louise, she started to cry and talk about her failed life.

20 years later her niece Catherine was student . Also pretty and talented girl, she was studying law. Catherine had this family inheritance, stubborn character and wild nature. Her boyfriends were all the same, hooligans and bad ass guys. But, Catherine did not follow example of his aunt Louise. Her mother always talked her about Louise and her destiny. She used to say : “Don’t finish as Louise. You will work whole your life for some scumbag and even worse, if you will have kids, they will have the same gene. At the end, Catherine had fun with all that guys, but when it comes time to get marry, she listened mother’s advice. She got marry for man with aspirations, who was successful businessman.

If you learn on other’s mistakes, results are next:

You know the story and you can get different point.

You know where was the problem.

You are winner in this dead race.

You are spared of troubles.

When someone warned you about bad situation, this is battle with instructions. You know the enemy, you got weapons, now only your skills will decide about the result. If you can’t play good with good cards, you are loser. It is not necessary that you repeat mistake which was already done. You think that is not the same, so you will go at bottom together with your forerunner? That is suicide. You remind on man who jumps from the highest building, and hope that he will not hit  with his head on the concrete structure.

If you think that life always go with instructions, you are wrong. 

Sometimes, your fake friends will try to win over your back. Did you ever had friend who asked you to help her with choice of job, friends or even partner? “Tell me which friend is good. Which guy is good for me, can you tell me? What kind of job is good for me, can you help me?” Some people ask for nanny, to teach them how to avoid thorns and pick up roses. You are stupid if you go with bloody hands just to make safe ground for other person.

Mistakes in love are so painful. 

If we could only know how will our story end, we would spare ourselves of troubles. Well, sometimes, some signs will tell you that someone before you passed something similar. That scenario already happened. Now you can use that script for your sake. Be wise and learn. These kind of deja vu mistakes happened to someone who can’t fix it. You can do it if you can read between lines.