When you will put your hand on fire?

 

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Charles Darwin said : “Only the strongest survive.” What happens with people who are not so strong , will they vanish ? That kind of people deserve good defense. As lion will defend lioness, in human blood is to protect children and others who can’t stand for their rights alone.

What would you do for your dearest friends, brothers, sisters, and for your sweetheart if someone tried to hurt them? I believe, as much you despise violence , you would to everything to protect them from evil.

When i was little girl, i went with my younger sister in park, at playground. There was swing  and she was swinging . She was 4 years old, and i was 8. Suddenly, older boy came and start to push her, he wanted to swing too. I was afraid that she will fall and hurt herself, so i slapped him into face with fist. He pushed me, but i was so furious that i was punching him with all my strength so he started to cry from fear. I was little monster, and my father came to separate us. That boy never approached to me after this.

Now i am thinking on this way. I don’t afraid for myself because i am enough strong to resist to every threat. I afraid for people who are close to my heart. I believe that many people think on this way, because it is much easier to take care for yourself than for others. That is responsibility. You know yourself, you will get up after fall , you will arise from the dust. How it will be with others? Look at behavior of duck. She fly around to pull attention on herself, to protect  little ducks in the case of attack of wild animals. That is her instinct for survival, she will rather sacrifice herself for the sake of her little family.

Real face of friends and enemies is revealed when they are in danger. 

Mafia association is established on this basic rule: “once when you join to us , there is no way back, just in coffin. ” So they will hurt you and members of your family. If you drag your beloved people in your troubles, it will hurt you more than own death.

You will also guess thinking of kidnappers: “I want  money of this rich man and i will ask for big ransom, i will take away his daughter or son.”

Our beloved people are our Ahil’s feet. Everyone has a price, and once you press red button, that person is in your power.

 

If you are devoted person, this is your advantage because people can count on you. You are diamond treasure, so your friends are under your shelter. Bad side of this value is that someone can use your devotion in bad purposes, to take an advantage. Don’t be action hero for someone who doesn’t deserve this, there is no sense to put hand in fire for insignificant person. People who interfere in street fights are not always clever, they can get out with broken nose, and others will not say even thanks.

After all, devotion is protected and authorized. Not everyone is able to reach this, but those who have it, are lucky. It is nice when you are connected with someone who will put hand on fire for you .

Now, what do you think, who is worthy that you risk for him? Or, did you regret because you put hand on fire for wrong person?

Thank you 600 followers

Licking black cat

 

Before i continue with new posts, i wish to say thanks to my followers. Thanks for your attention, comments, suggestion and inspiration.

I am not typical blogger, i don’t write kind of diary as ” i had this for breakfast” cause i am not Beyonce that someone would be interested for that. I write stories from my experience and always protect my sources. Also, i don’t like when someone put link under my blog, i will always moderate this because i think promotion is good only when is allowed. If i want to follow your blog, i will do it by myself, i don’t need push button. Also i never put my links on other blogs, unless is theme about promoting blogs.

I like constructive comments, critics, also i comment under blogs which got my attention. Here are wonderful bloggers, it is also inspirational sourcing for me, cause i can learn a lot from other bloggers, especially cause English is not my mother tongue and i do mistakes in spelling or grammar. What i would never do, to hire professional translator. That would not be me. Also i am not expert for psychology and i would never interfere into professional area, to give some expert advices. My profession is law and i have rich life experience, so what i write, i write from my heart.

I hope my number of followers will increase more with time, and i wish you great inspiration on this start of new week.

5 signs that your friend is a mole

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Word friendship is overrated. If you are naive, easy going person, you will call everyone your friend. There is classification, in which cases someone grows enough to be your friend.
1 level : acquaintance – person you met recently, and you like it at first sight
 
2 level : colleague – person who works with you, but you don’t know nothing at first sight about him
 
3 level : roommate – someone who lives with you by certain circumstances, if you are in dorm or rented flat, someone you share office because you work together
 
4 level :  friend, because you both want it
 
5 level : best friend, someone you can trust more than others
People often mix friendship with rivality. Rival or competitor is person who pretends friendship with you, but indeed she wants to compete with you and to do everything better than you. The trouble is, if you are better in some area, person will show envy and jealousy . She will try to sabotage you, and having such person in your circle is similar as you live with mole in your garden. So, here is flowers and green grass, but somehow it doesn’t smell like you expect. Something ruins that flowers.
As example of real rivality i will mention girl i knew before many years. Recently she met my mother and asked for me, even we did not see each other 15 years. Still, she wanted to know details about me, my partner, my job and what is going on. When we were friends, she was always comparing herself with me. If some guy would be interested for me, she would say : “He was flirting with me too. ”  If someone talked bad about me, she would pass me information with apology that she sorry for hear this. If she heard something good, she would make it as meaningless information. We broke our friendship when i realized that i don’t need this in my life. I had more respectful enemies, at least they did not pretend that they like me.
Even you maybe think that someone is your good friend, circumstances will show different view.
You will see is this connection between you and x person rivality or real friendship.
 
 
Your friend is close with your enemy. 
Ok, we have choice to whom we will talk, but if your friend spend more time with person who hurts you than with you, think about friendship.
Your friend is too spontaneous in company of your boyfriend.
If your friend wants to hug and kiss your boyfriend, and she says that she do this because of some “brotherly love”, think about real motives.
Your friend always forward you gossips.
“She talked bad about you. He laughed to you. I heard he doesn’t like you. ” Ok, it is not bad to know what others think about you, but if your friend constantly forward gossips, she maybe enjoys to make you sad.
Your friend is not here when you need him. Never.
Friendship is alley with two sides. You will do him favor, he will do it for you. Well, if you constantly give, and never take, if he is making excuses why he can’t help you, this is not real friendship.
Your friend is not happy when you are happy. 
More, he ask some tiny things to make your happiness smaller. For example, you got job in another city, and he says : “You will be so tired, by travelling every day. “
Moles are animals which do damage. Mole is symbol of cracked, ruined friendship, because someone doesn’t like you as you thought. Be careful when you deal with mole, because on long terms, this friendship is much worse than war with enemy.
With enemy, you know clear that he doesn’t like you. Mole will make your sight foggy, and you can get lost in this blind alley.

Why some people always get late on meetings?

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You had deal to meet your friend in 11 a.m. She is again getting late, even you warned her last time that you don’t like it. Finally she came, with innocent smile on her face, after you waited her half hour. Will you forgive her because this is part of her personality? Person who is getting late is more than clumsy accord other’s feelings. She is unstable, distrustful and disrespectful.

Ok, if you think that is not a big deal, imagine situation where you are standing on open space, when outside is snow and wind, and you are waiting for person more than 15 minutes. For sure, this is not comfortable and you feel as a fool. Try to get late next time when you have deal with her, so let she feels how it is. Experiences learnt us, we got the point after we pass through the same things , when we did not believed to others how hard it is.

 

Some situations are unpredictable and you will get late as much you try to come on time. Person with good manners will take cell phone to make a call or send message. “Sorry i will be late. Can you wait me 10 minutes or we can deal for another time?”

Imagine that you are at work and you have deal with client. He expect you , and you can’t come at time. It happened to David, and he did not give a shit. He is lawyer and he had deal for meeting with his client, a woman who had problems with divorce. David had messy private life, and she was at lunch with mistress when his client called him that he forgot their deal. Also, she travelled from another city to meet with him. David simply forgot about this, and he said “let’s meet another time”, but his client cancelled all. He was not trustful .

People who will late at dates are special category. 

Wilma waited for his boyfriend Rob half hour, she was freezing in short skirt, accord his wishes. He came with his friend , after she was red in face and she already started coughing. “Sorry , we were at shopping to get some booze. ” It was very funny to them, because they were drunk, but Wilma felt humiliated, less important and underestimated.

Nowadays everyone owe cell phone, internet coffee bars are available on every corner, and it is impossible not to make a good deal or to apologize if you had something urgent. Yes, someone can kidnap you or you can get bad news, but if you are repeating bad pattern, nobody will trust you. Or, if you tolerate someone who is getting late , you will always wait much longer than you realized.

Patience is overrated

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Mabel is taking her little daughter in the market. She always did the same scene. Bunch of chocolates are in her hands and she wants to open and eat immediately. Mabel is gentle mother and she knows that little Tara will cry if she will not get her favorite candies. But her teeth are not in well condition and too much sugar is not healthy for child. So this time she said no. Tara started to scream, and she did not shut up until Mabel slapped her. She did not hit her hard but it was useful. Tara stopped to cry and her face was just grumpy, but next time she did not ask for a candy.

Patience is wonderful thing. Some people have ocean of patience and you can move their limits into the sky. Your friend came at your door every day when you came tired from work. How to reject her, she is so kind. You want to take a nap and you said to her that she came in another time, but she said she is busy later. 

During life we will need large doses of patience. When you wait for your turn into market and moron in front of you is counting small coins or his master card is not valid. When you go to the dentist and old granny is there for an hour, without intention to get out. When your husband don’t want to throw garbage even it smells for a days. 

What to do when your patience is over limits?

You can do things which other don’t want to do for you, alone. 

Remember this when someone will ask favor from you, and don’t do it for that person, for return.

You can force person to learn on hard way. 

Use aggression if you need. Violence is not the way, but sometimes is effective when other tools will not work out.

Get out from situations which makes you frustrated. 

You don’t need friend who will not respect your free time, stalkers, pests who don’t understand your needs and wishes.

Use joker. Find person or occupation who will replace others. 

Ok, i have no luck with this job and this guy, but there are other people who loves me and i will spend more time with them. Also i have hobbies which can make me happy, i play tennis, i play bridge and there people appreciate me, so i don’t need to spend time with boyfriend or friends who are always stubborn when i ask something from them.

It is very familiar that nice words will open every door. When kindness is not more effective and when patience is at the end, another options are in the game. Time is money, and having patience means you are wasting your time. Why wait this jerk to call you and he is always getting late? Why work at this job for a years and they can’t say even thanks for all what you do for them?

When you are treating someone with patience, you give benefits to that person. He is testing your nerves. You will see how much is easier to deal with someone else, when patience will not be even option. Someone who will do things for you without you even ask. How easier is now, when someone do special things for you, and you don’t have to spend hours and nerves to get what you want?

People are as ground. You can seed everywhere, but flowers will not grow in dry landscape. 

Did you follow bad ideas?

How to fit in? This question will be in many minds, as product of fear that society will reject you. Since childhood we are looking for friends. Girls want to associate with other girls who are popular, stylish and fancy , boys want to be part of strong team, to play football or any kind of sport and prove their importance. Even our parents will watch out, who is our best friend, is he or she appropriate.

Now we have chosen friends, but how much we are influenced by others?

How do you know that your decisions are independent, and that someone did not dig into your mind?

If  you don’t care about other opinions, you will behave like this:

You will not justify your actions.

You will not apologize for your choices.

If someone mock you because you chose certain partner or certain job, you will reply properly.

If someone blackmail you to change your decision, you will stand by your attitude.

Marsha and Kevin were in long relation. Kevin had best friend Arthur, who disliked Marsha. It was very tense, because Kevin was in the middle of conflicts every time when all were together at coffee, when Arthur visited them, it was like in battlefield. Arthur had free style of life, he was often drunk, and once he slept at doormat, in front of Kevin’s house. Marsha was terrified by him because she was educated and noble woman. One day Marsha said to Kevin that she can’t stand his best friend anymore, who is unpleasent and rude , so she asked him to choose between them. Kevin said that there is no chance to turn back to his friend. He said : “I know he is not perfect, but i know him since we were kids. If you can’t deal with this, maybe you don’t belong into my life.” Also, he warned Arthur to behave himself. Marsha was angry but Kevin stayed by his decision.

Other people will often poke nose in our privacy, and everyone will feel invited to give advises, opinions or to guide us, because we don’t know how to think with our brains. This is very wrong. One human will pass many lessons during life. We are often under authorities. Parents will say to us what is wrong, teacher will tell us how to behave, boss at work will punish us if we don’t work good. During that process, we will develop our characters and we will make selections.

It is not surprise if you send one day everyone to hell. Think about what you need to be happy. Do you need your mother to call you every day? Do you need lessons from your neighbor, how to cut grass in your garden or how to make perfect lunch? Do you need advises about perfect marriage, from your best friend?

You are master of your path. Influence is not bad thing, if you have good teachers. You can learn much, but sooner or later it comes time when you need to take life in your hands.

Your parents will not choose your life partner. Also, they will not choose your job and educate your children. Some people will stay forever under other’s influences because they are too weak to decide alone. Result of this will be life under shelter. This is personal occupation, by other person. You are prisoner if you never choose by yourself.

How followers end up?

As victims of other’s beliefs. You will be guilty for something what is even not your idea. We have much examples in history, when bad leaders brought bad decisions and when crowd were following them. You can go alone toward light, or you can follow me into the dark.

How to control hot temper?

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Hot temper is a bomb. Every harsh word and provocation will make fire and person can explode . System will simply collapse and all what is left are remains. You can be smart, beautiful, genius, but if you can’t control your reactions in important moments, your life will be hell.

Arthur is famous as very hasty man. His rage is worse than flame, he destroys everything on his way. One day he returned earlier from business trip. His wife had unknown male guest and before she had chance to say anything, he got mad and smacked him into face . He was shocked, until his mouth were bleeding, he explained that he is new colleague from work and that they work at common project. Damage was here, and Arthur regret his action, but this man never visited them again.

It is easy to get angry. If you let your emotions to lead you, you are in trouble.

The way of anger and rage is full of thorns. You can hit someone who is stronger than you, he can sue you or his friends can make pancake from you. Life is not cartoon and when you get up things cannot be fixed. If you feel large amount of rage, if you act like fury, find alternative way to chill out. If you need to break glasses, do it in your house, when nobody is watching this, or hit into punching bag. Your anger is boiled water, and bubbles are around you, ready to make a flood.

Stella had love relation with Roman. During this relation she found out that he has another relation with Ashley. He was very wise guy who was sitting on two chairs. Girls were fighting, but nobody wanted to stay away. One day Stella decided to let go this impossible situation. She was tired of threats, paranoid phone calls and conflicts with Ashley. Simply she stopped to answer on Roman’s messages, he was asking for her but she was not there. In the same time, Ashley was his shadow, she was following him everywhere and he felt rope around his neck. After two months Roman left Ashley, and Stella did not move even little finger. She won in this battle, but she make things harder for Roman. He was very persistent in his attempts to win her heart again. She accepted him after he propose her.

If you are silent, calm , if you use ignorance, you will not lose. 

An opposite, your view will be more clear, finally you give chance to your brain to think about. Instincts are hasty, if you do actions accord your feeling in one moment, you will lose. Yes how much i want to strangle this girl who try to flirt with my boyfriend, but i will not give her a credit. She doesn’t exist, and if she wish to prove an opposite, my mind will bring calm decision.

The best revenge is cold meal. 

Put your opponent on pending time. Until someone is waiting your next move, you will get advantage. The best methods are similar as in chess game. Wait until you move your king, start with pawn. Protect your queen, don’t go naked into battlefield. Save your best ways for the end. In the moment when your opponent think that game is over, you will stand up from the floor and fight back. This will be your victory, because you gave chance yourself to calm down.

When your partner makes you embarrassed

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You are crushed into your partner over ears. Will you let him to do anything, no matter what people say? Opinion of others is not important, but if you don’t wish that people laugh to you or pity you, your partner will behave properly. What if you found partner who makes you embarrassed?
This is nightmare for every relation, someone you love is your shame. Men and women will afraid of partner who will get them into uncomfortable situation and in this case there is a choice : stay with partner or leave him.
On first sight, some characteristic will look cool in the eyes of people in love. Two teenagers are crazy in love, he said to his teacher to go to hell, he abandoned her class and shown middle finger. Later, when couple grows up, he might leave his workplace with swearing. Then he will send his mother in law to hell.
Heather cried in relation with her ex boyfriend Thomas, he was great lover, but he ruined her reputation. All her friends started to avoid her, because Thomas used nasty jokes about chubby girls and stupid blondes. He found it hilarious even he was the only one who laughed.
Boundaries between jokes and manners are very thin. Some things could be funny, but not appropriate.
Let’s see situations which women hate, and what will make them feel ashamed.
Partner who stinks. 
Untidy clothes, bad breath, sweat. Your friends might tease you, how you handle Mr Stinky?
Partner who try to flirt with your friends and female relatives.
It is all right if your partner is kind toward your friends, but when he start to comment their boobs and booties, that is not funny anymore.
Partner who talks about his ex’s in front of your friends or in publicity.
That is not nice, to be compared with past lovers.
Partner who ask you money, to pay drinks and food everytime when you sit in restaurant.
 
Partner who disrespect your parents and who doesn’t try to hide this. 
 
Aggressive macho man.
 
He is the one who will yell on you in front of people, because you make your lunch with too much salt. 
 
 
On other hand, men are also terrified that their better half should make them ashamed.
 
Too open minded women.
She talks openly about your penis, sex skills, and her sexual experience.
Smartass woman.
She knows everything better than her man.
Overprotective woman.
She is mother and partner in the same time. She is the one who wipe your mouth after meal.
Woman who poke nose in male business.
She knows all about cars, football, Formula 1. She will correct you, who is the best player in Brazil.
Control freak.
She is the one who watch over you, like policeman. She will give you advices about job and friends, because she knows what is the best for you.
Jealous bitch. 
Woman who will make scene every time when you talk with opposite gender.
Shame is opposite from pride. If you have partner who make your pride under question, that is bad for relation. Partner should work on relation together and make deal. You can yell on each other between four walls, but why should everybody know about your dirty laundry?
Some couples are masters to hide their skeletons in the closet. They are as queen and king, and nobody knows what is behind this. Others are actors in theater, for audience, and that kind of people are subjects of gossips.
It is not matter what people say, but why to give them materials for rumors? After all, everyone likes to talk about others, more than about themselves. When partner says : “I know you don’t like my sister, but for my love, talk with her kindly”, listen this. It is not hard to pretend sometimes. You don’t like your mother in law, but you can say to her that she has right. She will shine, and her son will be grateful to you. Better that, than you make him blush.

He wants friendship – or more?

I want to be your friend.” – first lie which man tells to woman if circumstances between two of them are hard.

How to be friend if you like person more than a friend? When is friendship between man and woman possible?

1. if woman is much older than man, friendship is possible , she can be as his mother or life teacher, or if man is much older he can be her guide as father figure

2. if there is no physical attraction between man and woman, simply she is not his type, or he is not her type

3. if  both are in happy relations with other people

Friendship and love are as two neighbors. There is limit. If you do one step more, you cross the limit. If you have sex with friend, he is your fuck buddy. If you are jealous on other girls in his company, you love him.



To be a friend, you must be sure that you want friendship and nothing more. Because if you do wrong step, you will suffer. Wrong signals can lead you to nowhere. Talking about friendship, and doing opposite things can be a reason to lose person forever. If you feel more, let he/she know. If is too painful to be near that person, let it go.



Don’t force yourself to be a friend to someone who will just use your affection to build ego. This is wrong reason . The basic of every friendship are loyalty, devotion and dignity. You are his friend and you will support him to find woman of his life. If you are envious and jealous, you can’t be his friend, just an obstacle and he will hate you.

When you are in relation, lot of problems develop because of his best friend or her’s best friend. When you are spending much time with best friend, and ask for a reason to avoid your boyfriend or girlfriend that means betrayal. Your limits must be very clear. That woman you know since you were kid is your friend. She is as your sister, so you have no sexual thoughts about her. She is someone without gender. You can imagine yourself to drink coffee with her, but you will not have fantasies about color of her bra. She will not visit you in your sexual dreams. You dream about your girlfriend when she is absent, you miss her. If you don’t think so, you have problem with definition of friendship.

Sometimes you will be in situation that your friend wants more from you. If you are single and she is single, just squeeze her hand more tight and kiss her in lips instead in cheek. Read her signs, she will spend much time with you, she will find excuses to call you few times on day and every important event in her life will be next topic of your conversation. 

There is saying that the best love relations start from friendships. This is good background, because you know this person very well before physical contact. You can predict her or his reaction. Also, you know that your relation with that person will be based on trust, loyalty and devotion. 

Friendship can turn into love. But love can hardly turn into friendship. After breakup, friendship is very hard. We can have mutual respect and agreement after breakup. Friendship in real sense is not possible to develop, because after you split with someone, trust is broken and devotion is ruined. 

That is why is friendship good start of every relation, but not so good end. 

What we ask in chat rooms?

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We wish to share some secrets with others, but lack of trust will stop us in the moment. Maybe we feel ashamed and insecure. Maybe we can’t handle expression of other’s faces when we say shocking story. Or, we afraid of boomerang effect, that all what we say can be used against us.
In past times friends were gathering to share problems. We would drink coffee and talk about bad ex partners or hard exams. We were gossiping teachers and bosses. Material is now the same, but place for share moved on. We share our secrets in chat rooms.
Word “trust” has new dimension. That is not situation when you look someone familiar in the eyes. You can open camera, but you are looking in the eyes of strangers. Also you don’t know who is that person, from where is coming from, what is her past. This sounds freaky, isn’t it? If stranger asked you, before 10 years, to tell him story of your life, you would label him as idiot. Now, we are sharing our stories between strangers with nicknames, and that is normal.
Why people love so much internet chat rooms or inbox?
Effect of mystery. It is cool to talk with someone who doesn’t know you. You can lie about yourself and person can’t know the truth. 

Safety. He is far away and he will not come at your door. Unless you give him address. 

Attention.Finally someone is listening you. You have no attention from your friends, colleagues, relatives, but stranger with nickname is listening your problems. 

Feeling of love.You might feel loved. Someone is talking with you whole day, send you messages, and your day is passing between computer monitor and phone. Otherwise, you would cry in dark angle of your room.

Brooke works at office . She is civil officer and her day is covered with calls and papers. All around her is boring, speaking about her office mate who is numb and introvert, until hysterical boss. Brooke found her comfort in chat room. She is talking with Murat, awesome man from Turkey. Her time is passing so soon with him, because everything what he says is different and interesting. Another country, another habits and another culture. Also, Brooke feels special with him, he is listening what she has to say.
People will say that we became strangers when internet appeared. An opposite, internet took place because we treated each other as strangers. Internet did not separated people, because people were lonely before. Imagine this situation. Person x is coughing at office for a half hour, and nobody cares. Unless person collaps and die, nobody will ask you do you need help or medicine. Boss will ask you did you finished your work for today. If you wish to get out because you don’t feel well, you will need licence for exit. Colleagues will have noses in their job, and they will be angry because your coughing is interrupting their work. Strangers in chat rooms will ask you how you feel and they will give you advice.
Strange fact is, when we are enough far way from each other, we start to care more. Distance will break routine, and we will start to ask for other people. We did not notice that our colleague change her hairstyle, but we noticed new profile picture.
Special part of this problem is human character. Bohemian people will hardly fit in. We are not all made for social rules. We don’t want to associate in common lunch in business restaurant. The truth is, reality is limited.
When you are in virtual space, you are totally free. You can delete and block. You can pick with whom you will talk. You will turn off computer when you wish. Well, if you sit in business restaurant with your colleagues, you are not so free. You can’t get up from the table just like that, because someone said something unpolite to you. There are your office mates. Yes, they are assholes and you can tell them open, but other day all will gossip you. Maybe you can lose job. In chat room, you can flag person or simply delete your account. Then you will walk away where you wish.
The biggest freedom starts when we are not aware of obligations. In this case, we don’t have stone in our stomach. We are not obligated to be in internet, but we wish to be. Even it looks that we are slaves or addicted, internet has special way to keep us together on one place. That is reason why strangers are now in our workplaces and neighborhood,  not in chat rooms.
Someone , somewhere  cares about you more than your colleagues next door.