If it is not on Internet, it never happened

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If it is not on Internet, this event never happened. If you travel somewhere, celebrate anniversary with husband, celebrate birthday, put your photos that whole world see this. Otherwise, your life does not exist.
I remember when i opened my sister’s diary and found something fishy, and later she got angry at me. Nowadays, when you open someone’s Facebook and find something fishy, person will get angry cause you did not press like or make comment.
I noticed that people forgot difference between secret and private.
Oh, you are married? I did not know that. It has been two years since i got married and some people at my workplace still questioning how i changed my surname. No, i did not share photos at my official e-mail, i did not bring cakes from wedding, i don’t talk about mother in law when i wait lunch at business restaurant. Simply, i think, this is my business. It is not their business, and at least it is not Internet business.
How many times i saw private talk on public statuses, husband and wife who are arguing in front of their thousand friends, photos of their children and kitchen? Once woman from Venezuela wanted to share photos of her family in tag, in my page. I said her, i have my life, and this is my website, with all respect, keep photos of your family for your close friends. I don’t want to see it. I am not jealous, envious or rude, i just have my boundaries, and i don’t need photos of your son who is playing in the mud with other children.
The best marriages and relations were made in silence. It is not kind of silence where you hide your partner. It is kind of silence where you don’t talk about your conflicts in public, where you don’t notify your friends about your private details and when you have this happy smile on your face because you put your privacy under lock.
Once i read about tennis couple , Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, who were always private couple. They were not jumping out with every photo of their kids, with every kiss and hug. Or to made porno video, as Kim Kardashian, to earn money from this.
The meaning of love is sacred. If i had conflict with my husband, this is between me and him. We will sit and talk, we will cry or scream, we will make peace. I never wanted to hear public advices as “He is not worthy of you, find better ” or “This is not good for you, i feel this. “
People are not always trustful. Many of them will celebrate your fall or they will not care. People love drama, but not because they wish to participate, they wish to have fun and gossip. If you give them gossip material, they will laugh to you under your back.
One Friday evening my neighbors had terrible fight. Woman was crying, her husband was yelling and they smashed something, i don’t know, i heard noise. When i saw that man few days later, i just said hello. I did not ask him about noise, crying or drama. It is his personal thing. As my husband said: “If he falls on our balcony,  we will call police.”
Technology progress did not give us much private space. We see other’s underwear, dirty socks, untidy rooms, unhealthy food. We see fat women who wish to be x plus models cause this is popular. We see even scenes from other’s funerals.
I always support curtains over private life. What is between two people is not show for audience. People are not paying my bills neither sleeping with me, so that is my right.
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Do you recognize rejection from cold-warm strategy in romance? (for men)

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Role of hunter is not grateful position. Men are by nature leaders, and from them is expected to do first steps. Especially, if they wish to get certain woman, they must be ready for everything, from gentle rejection until harsh kick in the butt. As much real man will take leash in his hands, he will also know when to back off, and when is time to stop with his attempts.

Unfortunately, some guys are not so wise to recognize real rejection from warm-cold strategy. This is also women fault, so women will play and make fool of men in some situations.

How to separate real rejection from warm-cold strategy?

If woman is interested for you, and she is not yet sure, she will give double signs.

She will say no if you invite her for date, but her next sentence will be : “Maybe next time, i will let you know.”

She will let you to follow her into her street, but she will not invite you in her flat.

She will talk with you, but you will not get permission to kiss her.

She will even sleep with you, but next day she will be unavailable.

She will delete you from Facebook but she will not block your page. Just , for any case, she may expect your message.

If woman is not interested for you, she will not give you any chance to repeat your questions about her and you.

If you call her, she will block your number.

If you send her message, she will block your page.

Follow her, she will call her friends for help. 

She will appear with another man in front of your eyes if you are annoying. This is very clear sign.

If you try to kiss her, she will push you away. Alert, here you are in danger zone. She can slap you.

Some men are not gentlemen and they don’t accept other choices. Real gentleman will accept word no with silence and dignity. This man will not make you troubles. Also, you might sorry because he will never disturb you later. He asked you once , you denied, and he gone. Your problem is another man, called jerk. Jerk will chase you and spread gossips. Jerk will tell you that you are whore, fat or short, and that you are ugly. All because you did not want to date with him.

The worst follower of rejection is denial. If you deny to yourself that person rejected you, if you repeat her words and ask some hidden meaning, you are on wrong path. Some guys think : “She said no? Maybe she is shy? Or her friends talked bad about me? Maybe she is not ready today, but i can wait. ”

Delusional guys are often jerks. They can’t admit to themselves that some women don’t accept them. They must learn how to accept negative answers. Until then, such men will hunt in blurry zone.

Did you give more than you get?

 

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Quid pro quo, that is an old Latin proverb. It means , give and take. If you ask for favor , i will do it, but next time i will need feedback. If you don’t want to help me i will consider you as selfish. Ask next time something from me and you will not get it.

Human relations should be based on reciprocity, as we have two hands on one body. I give you love and i expect your love for return. I am loyal to you, i will not screw you, but also i am not a fool. If you think that i am not worthy of your respect and loyalty, for sure i will know this and you will lose my affection.

Selfish person will hardly understand meaning of reciprocity. So, i am used that others please to my wishes. It comes out from childhood. Mother made cake for me but i don’t want to wash dishes. She will wash instead of me. My friend did my homework because i did not know how. She asked me to borrow her skirt, but i can’t do this, i don’t lend my clothes. Selfish person is one sided personality. That kind of person will receive, but never give for return. She has always right and only her opinion is important. As dictators in history, that people are masters and others are slaves.

Selfishness will exist so long until other will accept her existence. Sonia lives with mother even she has 40 years. So her mother is doing all kind of job in this flat, but Sonia always paint nails, read and she is princess who would make her hands dirty with such kind of work. One day mother got sick, and Sonia was forced to cook her tea and make a lunch. Then she saw her selfishness. Mother could die and her last act would be making favorite meal for Sonia.

We cannot be soft accord selfish people. They must be faced with their character. If you do accord their wishes, you will never warn on your rights and needs. Indeed, you don’t exist if your boyfriend or friend never did nothing for you, to make you happy.

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Reactions  might be various. Egocentric will swallow bitter mug.

They can make angry. What, this is thanks for me because i am your friend 10 years? I can’t guess what you wish.

They can feel guilty. Sorry, i did not know that my acts hurt you. I will try to make it better.

They will not admit. No, this is not true. I do things for you but you don’t see this.

They can ask for replacement. Well, if you are not satisfy with me, i will find another friend. I will find another woman who will make me happy. Someone will appreciate me more than you.

What is reason of other selfishness?

Simple example from virtual world. People ask for likes on their pages but they don’t want to give likes for return. Why is that?

Some conclusions:

Well, i can’t promise you return. If you wish like my page , if you don’t want no problem. 

I am famous, so you need to kiss my knees, be happy because you are my friend.

I am too busy with myself, i have no time for others.

In generally, selfishness is ugly. You do many efforts to make close with selfish person, but she underestimate you. At the end you feel as an idiot.

An opposite, when you have friend who understand principle of reciprocity, you feel as you found your lost part. You give and receive. This is spontaneously, you don’t need to force or beg, simply that person knows that you are happy with such treatment.

Give and don’t expect nothing for return is incomplete thought. Maybe you don’t expect but for sure you will be disappointed if you don’t get what you wanted. Or, you are asking in wrong place?

Who is manipulating us?

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The oldest and the most dangerous weapon in human nature is not anger, rage or wrath. That is ability of manipulation.

We can see results of manipulation on every corner.

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1. beggars on the street – have you ever wonder who is that person who ask you for money, is he/she really so poor? What people see is superficial view. We can see mother and her child , how she begs for coins.Where is father of this child and where is social service? We can’t help poor child with giving money, because mother is not responsible one. Responsible mother would find a job or a man who will take care for her. This kind of mother is asking for compassion, condolence, not solution how to get out in this situation, because she is lazy to work or because she is afraid to face it with her problems. On that way she uses innocent child to manipulate with crowd.

Also i know woman who educates adult son , an invalid in chair, and she ask for a money around, that she can buy packet of cigarettes.

 

2. ex partner – when relation or marriage is over, still all cards are not on the desk. What is left to disappointed person is manipulation. He/she can say “i will make suicide”, “because of you i need to visit shrink” or similar explanations. And of course, you will be concerned. What if that is true? And you will take care for ex partner and you will spend more and more time to make your conscience calm, because you are guilty. On this way your present partner can take a lot of pain, especially if you have kids and they need your attention.

 

3. people at work – there is a syndrome of hot potato. Person who will avoid work will act like with hot potatoes, hit them to others. So there will be lot of excuses. “i am sick, i can’t work, i have sick mother i must take care of her, my child had flu”. Other people will work for such person because of compassion, feeling of duty, and that person has control over them.

 

4. cruel boss – some people rule with fear. He/she can threat to their employers with smaller salaries and other penalties. And they will afraid not to lose job because they have bad financial situation.

 

5. sexy mistress – sex is very powerful weapon. Man who has no much pleasure at home, can take it on other place. So sexy secretary, sexy nurse with stockings and high heels, who would resist?

 

Manipulation is as fatal woman. Beautiful outside and dangerous inside. Manipulation can seduce every mind, it is just necessary to discover weak spot. Once when your weak spot shows up, you are next victim of manipulation.

Are you afraid that someone else will replace you?

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Competition is pain in the ass. Once when you feel that someone replaced you, your ego is wounded. Dignity is under question and you can ask yourself why is that other person better than you and what makes her/him so special. How to get back in the game ? Are you senior like in tennis, who wish to defeat younger players with your big experiences? Or, you will just let it go and make peace with destiny, because your time is over?

Friendship, job and love are three spots where is replacement possible, and in all areas this could be painful. So, your friend doesn’t think that you are cool anymore, and he found new team? Your boss got rid of you because he needs fresh brains? Your husband abandoned you because of younger woman? Yes, you might feel as shit, because all what you did before is not enough to keep you in surface, you are swimming surrounded by sharks and they will eat you each moment.

Where is salvation ? Molly gave example of person who faced with her fear of replacement.

Molly survived many situations in her life where people treated her as second violin. She had team of friends in neighborhood, but when new girl came all accepted her because she was so cool, and Molly was not interesting anymore. Also, her best friend Alice always dated with guys who were chosen by Molly at first, and Molly felt as she was stolen. Molly got job as intern in one law firm, but they did not keep her cause she was too rebellious. She did not want to follow their rules as they thought, she had some unusual ideas and it was her end.

One day Molly was in another situation where she could be replaced, and her alarm turned on. She finally found good boyfriend, but his female friend  called him all the time on his phone. It was friend from childhood who once loved him. Molly knew she could lose him, so she imagined the worst situation of breakup, cried and said to him that he must decide between his friend and her. Her boyfriend chose Molly , with warnings that she can’t control him and that she will talk with friend not to call him so often. Then Molly realized, that replacement was her biggest fear, her nightmare, and that her behavior is indeed the key of solution. She stopped to fear that she will lose everything in her life.

Time is cruel. It works in shifts, so suddenly you will not be enough smart, beautiful or useful. You will not be popular. That is the reason why Madonna likes to cooperate with young singers and kiss them in mouth, because she wants to keep enemies closer. She will steal pieces of their youth, as reflection of glory. She wants to shine forever, but for this collaboration is necessary.

What to do, if you don’t want to be replaced:

Be original.

Do something what is only yours. Be the only person who can do it something on successful way.

Be faithful, loyal and respectful.

Believe it or not, this values are forgotten nowdays. Loyal person is hard to find because everyone has his price.

Accept younger colleagues as refreshment, not as treat.

Show that you are not afraid. If you gain fear, this is nail into your coffin. 

Have backup plan in the case of trouble.

Say to your competition that you have joker in the pocket, even you are bluffing.

People will find you as interesting person this moment when you have another option. Nobody likes despair or to be the last straw.

If you are victim of replacement, think about how long you can last. Are you creature with deadline? No, you are not hamburger or pizza. It must be something else. Probably you play with open cards from the first moment, you love people to much, you give too much and never keep your secrets private. Probably everyone knows everything about your privacy or your life can be googled at internet. Did you ever said no or you rejected to do something for your special people? If you gave too much, you are already used.

Irreplaceable people never discover everything, even when they lose. They are unpredictable and mysterious. They know to whom they will trust and to whom they will turn back. They will do much for their friends, but never everything, because there is border between good person and fool.

Did you deal with third person in your relation?

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When we love, our desire is focused on one person. We don’t want to share this person with others, and that is why we don’t like competition. This is in human nature, to defeat, eliminate, even destroy every competitor or rival, because they stand on our way to happiness.

Before we exhume war cleaver, we must be aware that competition is not the main problem. If you have problem in relation, you can’t blame other people, because your partner is the one who is with you. You sleep, eat and share life with him or her, not with others, so if something went wrong, discuss that with owner of your heart.

Many women think wrong that problems will disappear if they get rid of their opponents. Yes, that Sheila bitch wanted to steal my husband, but if i kick her ass , we will be happy. Now you get rid of Sheila, Rebecca, Annie and all those trash, but your partner is still cheating you? If you saw movie “The other women” with Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann, you will get the point about unfaithful partner. Such person don’t care for anyone, just for yourself.

What kind of competition can stand on way of our happiness in love?

Ex partner. That girlfriend or boyfriend are still here, maybe in our neighborhood, but you meet them and every time you see person, something stuck in your throat. Why they are still alive?

Best friends. Yes he told you that Mabel is his colleague from work, and that Nadine is his friend from high school, but you still don’t believe him, because he share messages with them , he drink coffee with them and you feel that they steal his attention from you.

Fictional person. Your partner maybe joke with you how he dream about perfect women, but every time you see example of his standards, you will feel as shit. That is matter of your self confidence.

What are the most stupid things you can do, when you afraid of rivalry?

Send sms or emails to your rival.

Call them.

Gossip them around.

Try to wait them in ambush and beat them.

Accuse them that they involve in your relation, even they have no idea about this.

Of course, sometimes you can have right, that someone really want to invade in your privacy. That woman really want to seduce your husband or that man wants to sleep with your girlfriend.

What will you do?

Talk with your partner and check the facts.

Deal with your partner together, how to stay away from that person.

Tell your partner that you feel unpleasant, that you are concerned. If he cares, he will stop negative emotions by his actions.

Relation is based on mutual feelings, harmony and agreement. When you two are together and your actions are mutual, nobody can stand on your way. This moment when something happens behind your back, something went wrong. This is alarm call. It is not invitation that you must kill other woman, this is moment when you need to talk with your partner. If he doesn’t care, this relation is dead.

What if your friend makes you ashamed ?

 

This guy will firmly shake your hand. He is here when you are in trouble or when you wish to celebrate, you can count on him in all fields of life. Real friends are miracle because they will be here when you break up your relation, when you get divorce or if you have financial debts. As much real friend makes your life easier, fake friend will get troubles into it.

The beauty of friendship is in avoiding all differences. People with different statuses, from another cultures, religions and races are the best friends, there are many examples where nothing of that can’t separate people to associate together.

Question about religion, various languages, traditions and habits will never make such abyss as disrespect, dishonor and disloyalty. You can find yourself in situation when you will choose between self respect and friendship with certain person.

Let me introduce you this guy. His name is Luke and he is mechanic. He works with cars when he is sober, which is not often. He likes alcohol and his flat is full of empty bottles. He was party monster and he had much friends during his youth. Everybody liked to visit his parties to get drunk. Luke was champion, and nobody could drink more beer than he was. As time was passing by, his friends found girlfriends and jobs, so he was not hanging out with them too often. They were busy with daily obligations, so his friendships start to crack. Soon he had only few contacts, because they were avoiding him. Nobody wanted to be in situation to get embarrassed from drunker Luke.

It was summer and open air festival in his city, near lake. Luke was walking with beer in his hand and suddenly noticed his ex neighbor Zoe. She moved in another city because of work. Weekend was her time to visit parents and friends. Luke joined to Zoe on the table. She was not alone, but she felt sorry for this guy because everyone avoided him. Luke was drunk as usual and he noticed that Zoe has very pretty friends. They were her colleagues from workplace. Two blondes, Sarah and Ivy, girls with awesome smile and short skirts. Luke was offering beer, but they ignored him.

Dear, your boobs are so big. Which number of bra you wear? Let me guess your size. You remind me on Pamela Anderson. But, your tits are real, isn’t it?

It was very unpleasant moment and Zoe wished to vanish from this situation. She politely asked Luke to go away from them. He took his big glass of beer to make a toast and suddenly all fluid spill over the table. Girls were furious and left Zoe alone to deal with him.

Next morning Zoe visited Sarah in her office to apologize.

I understand you my dear, but excuse me, i don’t want to go out with you if your friend will join to us. He ruined my new blouse. It was expensive and now is totally ruined, black beer on white silk doesn’t look good. 

– I will give you money, i am so sorry, i had no idea that he could do something like this. Or, maybe i was too pity for him. 

Sarah was angry few days and later she accepted apology. Zoe never talked with Luke anymore. She gave him hand when nobody else did, and it was his thanks to her. He used opportunity to play role of idiot once again.

Sometimes our heart is too soft. We forgive other’s mistakes and even pay from own pocket. 
Bad acts should not be forgotten. If you forgive someone who did not deserve this, he will hurt you again, and also he will hurt collateral victims. That damage is as flood , spreading on places where you did not expect that.

Rat friend is not good choice. He will cut your good connections with the rest of the world. It is better to be a cat and eat him, than to give him slice of cheese.