Too much love can kill you

C9OFJgMVYAAuO3d

Shakespeare has written Othello, story about jealousy where poor Desdemona were strangled. Iago, friend of Othello, made intrigue to convince Othello that Desdemona is cheating him. Othello did not thinking, he just choose to punish her even she was innocent, so he killed her with own hands.

Jealousy is very hard feeling, consequences are that we speak before we think , we act before we speak.

What happened in Croatia, in small city named Vojnić, is terrible tragedy caused by jealousy.

Shortly, girl Victoria was with 3 guys in relations, one by one. Dejan, Alvin and Boško liked/loved the same fatal girl. One night Victoria came in front of nightclub “Heart “with present boyfriend Boško. He stabbed Alvin and Dejan, he cut Alvin throat, and stabbed Dejan in the heart with knife. Also he wounded bodyguard in the nightclub, and then bodyguard caught him. Two young guys are dead as results of this action. Boško can get biggest punishment, in Croatia is the biggest punishment for murder on cruel way, 40 years of prison. Forums and social networks talk about Victoria , some people blamed her because they think she was playing with guys, but there is no purpose, two young guys are dead.

The main fact is, they all were so young. Victoria has 18 ages, guys were in twenties. This wonderful time of youth is ruined now.

Sources say that Boško was treating in social networks in his statuses, that this murder were planned indeed.

What can jealousy do to people? Jealous person want someone for himself, he doesn’t want to share, he wish to owe the person. Extreme form of jealousy is possession.  This is situation when you want to make prison for your partner that nobody see him, control him in every moment and cut every form of freedom. If person did not make obligation to you, if she is in dilemma , is that normal way, to kill someone? After all, if you destroy one life, it can’t belong to anyone more, even to you.

True love depends about freedom of choice, maturity and ability to make decision. Mature lovers will accept breakup and word NO. Immature couples will get revenge which might finish as tragedy.

Young people are collecting experience, they don’t want obligations, they need freedom, passion, and it is nice to be young and furious for them.

As James Dean said “live fast die young”.  After it happens it is late to correct mistakes, even it happened in the name of love.

 

Do we underestimate bullying?

When Paula had 13th birthday, she went at school with concern. Some guys in her class did not like her, and teacher had no understanding for her problems. She was victim of bullying and all what she could do is to wait 2 years until she finish elementary school. Then she will not see that flock anymore. Her doubts were true, so when guys found out about birthday, they start to provoke her. When she replied in the same ugly way, they start to beat her with fists and she was crying. Guys were enough wise not to leave big wounds, only few scratches. Nobody in class wanted to involve, they stayed away. It was her worst birthday, she went home humiliated. Her mother was in school another day, and teacher said that is normal situation between children in this period. She asked her mother also why Paula’s hands are shaking, that she should feel safe between her friends in classroom and that she is too shy.

As adult woman, Paula doesn’t trust to men. She thinks in two directions: men wants to use her for sex or they want to hurt her. This perception comes out from school days, because every time she meets man, voices in her head scream to alert. She had many sexual adventures, because she thinks she deserve to be humiliated. As consequences of bullying, victims could be promiscuous or totally closed for sex experiences. Paula was promiscuous woman.

Bullying is as an octopus. 

It grows on all sides, and it develops in many phases. 

Other students start to tease victim.

When victim answers on violence, it become worse.

Little jokes can turn into aggression, with physical wounds and scarves.

In the case of silence, bullying will continue because there is no authorities to stand on its way.

Once when it finish, consequences will stay. Victim of bullying will have distorted perception about people.

In american movie “Bully”, based on true event in year 1993,  guy was violent student Bobby Kent who did aggression to his friends and girlfriend, he took power to rape, beat and abuse everyone on his way. This damaged group of kids made deal to hire hitman and they killed Bobby together.  Main killer, Marty Puccio Jr. got death penalty, which was later turn into life prison, without possibility of abolition. The others finished in jail with different punishments.

It is better to stop and prevent, than to deal with terrible damage later.

Why this happens and why some children are victims, and others are bullies?

 

Profile of  victim:

different than others, usually introvert

– person with poor social status or with some physical disadvantages

– someone who is talented or geek

– person who avoid big groups and usually read lot of books

– someone with unusual ideas, outsider

Profile of bully:

violent person

– egomaniac

– control freak

– person with good financial status

– person who is popular at school

This things are happening everywhere. In ex Yugoslavia, schools did not have even psychologists. It was wasting of time to talk with immature children about violence, and headmaster was main boss, to solve mess in school. When some wild child created mess, it was enough to slap him, and things were finished. Nowadays, bullying became worse, because here are social networks, cell phones and these are dangerous tools to ruin someone’s life. One photo with teenage girl in bra is enough to ruin her life.

As long are people on this Earth, here will be jealousy, envy and hate. Hate starts in childhood and develops in high school. Bullying is the worst follower of hate. Cut this roots.

Filthy face of money

 

Who sits at two chairs, usually falls down on butt. Sometimes we are undecided, unstable and we don’t know what we want, so this is natural process. We can mistake in this situation, when both solutions are attractive and we would like to have all, but we can’t . Imagine woman who must decide between two lovers, even she loves husband and lover, she can lose both. Or, if you are friend with people who can’t stand each other, and one of them hurt other, so you must choose which side you will take. So you still sit on two chairs because decision is tough.
The other pair of this problem is sitting on two chairs with purpose, when you realize that you have benefits from both sides.

That is politicians tool, when politician is flexible in many political groups. Simply, when one government fall , he will get position in other. Democrat, socialist or liberal, what is the matter? He will follow the wind, in which direction wind blows. The same is with singers who are on some way connected with politicians, especially in the election time. They will support those who will pay more, no matter about their beliefs.

Lepa Brena was famous folk singer in ex Yugoslavia, the most famous woman who were singing in Balkan area. She had concerts in Sofia in Bulgaria where she came with helicopter. Her movie “Let we love each other” was very popular, even her music was trashy and without artistic values, and her image was cheap, so i believe that many fashion gurus would spit on her clothes and fashion style. Later she got married for tennis star Slobodan Živojinović and during years, she became rich woman with own music production.
Recently people in my city wanted to give her street, in her honor. She had supporters and enemies, because indeed she is woman as chameleon, able to survive in every situation. During terrible war in Bosnia, Brena had cover photo with military clothes. She was wearing chetnick blouse on the cover of magazine. She justified this as she was protecting her parents and sister, who were prisoners under occupation of her city Brčko. Chetnicks are terroristic group who were killing innocent people in Croatia and Bosnia, war criminals with bloody hands.
Recently, Lepa Brena made big concert near my city and she raise the dust, because we all know very well that some of our neighbors and citizens were victims during chetnicks attack. Singer who wears chetnick blouse is suddenly heroine who deserves street in her dedication? I don’t think so.
Accord my opinion her music is cheap, without values , she is now old woman over 50 and not popular as she used to be in the past, but all this doesn’t matter. The matter is, until when we will judge people as footballer Joe Šimunić, who were punished by UEFA and FIFA because of historical greeting “For home we are ready”, which was declared as ustasha message, and besides us, ex Croatian minister of sport reported Joe to high instances? Who will report Brena, because her blouse insults national feelings and she made concert on places where innocent people were killed by the people who wear the same military labels?

That is not joke. We Croats, we are sometimes too soft. We forget and quick judge our singer Thompson, we forbid his concerts because he sing about war in Croatia, and he is considered as violent?

If we are quick to judge, to report or to blame because Croatia is considered sometimes as notorious country where young people celebrate ustashas, what is with people like Brena then?

We might put their names as titles on the street, because they were sexy singers once in the past, or because they have expert skills of sitting on two chairs?

Date with voyeur

 

Be spontaneous, you can hear it many times when people talk about sex. That means, don’t think what will be later, don’t afraid of negative side effects. Just to it.

It was cold winter time, one of days when ice is on the road, and trees are decorated with snow. Everyone normal would like to get warm at fireplace, but Sandy decided to go with  boyfriend at some lonely place. Even better, it was evening. So they freeze in the car, under blanket, and it was not realization of dream. Romantic story in the car, who made it? So they were listening music and suddenly her boyfriend made strange face. He was shocked. Expression of his eyes was like he saw devil. His hands were shaking and he said  that he saw face on the window. He suddenly opened window and started to yell on maniac, but outside was only shadow of man who were running through the snow. Sandy did not know should she laugh or to be serious. The rest of night  they did not make love, because top subject was potential maniac. She wondered what made him so crazy to watch other people in car. Did he saw “Zodiac”? 

Maybe he was homeless or his wife left him. Or maybe he lives with old mother as Norman Bates. Since that time, Sandy never wanted to make love in car again. She would always feel that someone is watching her.  

 

Her feelings were mixed. She was furious, but somehow she felt sorry for that creature. How can anyone do this? And really he needed help. Lucky, he did not saw what he expected, two naked bodies. He saw only blanket and two people who were talking and listen music in the car. It was too cold so that guy chose really cold winter time for stalking. 

 

It was first time that Jack wanted to watch some couple how they make love. He was not professional voyeur, because he would chose better position and bring camera. He was long time without girlfriend and he wanted to wank, but magazines and movies were so ordinary. He wanted to see something unusual, but he was so clumsy. As much that couple afraid of him, he afraid of them. They thought that he had gun or pistol, and he thought that boyfriend will beat him or at least call police. Jack was coward in soul, and he chose cold winter night because it was less possibility that anyone saw him. He was really quiet, but damn dog on the road started to bark and it pull attention. Sandy’s boyfriend watched on car window where is a dog, and he saw face of Jack. It was unexpected meeting.  

14717328_1331260953553191_4444413917897133029_n

We are not aware of danger, if we accept spontaneous way of living. 


Live or let die, as Axel Rose sing. The point is , if you are wild, be smart. If you do something what you never did, prepare yourself for something which never happened.

When people show true colors

 

When will people show true colors, when masks fall down? Everything is great until you have harmony in relations, no matter is this love or friendship. Until you support and confirm other opinions, until you stay away from discussions, you are peaceful. On this way you feed other ego, you are not competition and there is no reason for envy or jealousy. 

Once when you have conflict with someone, things are changed. Suddenly you see real face from your friend or lover. Then you can see how indeed that person respects you and what he/she really thinks.

Denials and rejections are not easy. It can be very painful, unless you are professional person who offer some products to customers, and they deny and refuse to buy. That is normal that you will say no to Jehova’s witness who rings on your door, to people who are hired to sell brochures because they can be indeed boring. But they will not cry if you deny them, because it is their reality. Someone will say yes, someone no, and they accepted this as business.

But things are different in real life. Only mature person can accept rejections from others. 

What normal person can do in a case to hear word no ?

go forward with their life

– don’t look back to person who rejected you

– never gossip, threat, revenge, because people have a choice

– open door to new opportunities

 

If you are yelling, gossiping and spreading hate toward person who rejected you, you show your weak, unhealthy character. When you try to ruin someone reputation from personal reasons, this is double sword. People are not stupid. People will recognize quality even you try to spit on every corner, and your judgement will sound as describe of your character. Many famous people were stalked, gossiped, and they have a lot of haters. But even negative advertising is good marketing.

Steal erotic video of some couple and you will make damage, but people will talk about that and they will got attention, even way to make money. How Kim Kardashian became famous? Through gossips .

People asks for excitement, for arena, for hunger games. If you try to make someone miserable in other eyes, probably miserable and lame person will be you. 

Besides, slander is criminal act. You want to pay big money because you had moment of weakness when you said or wrote something abusive?

True colors came out through fights. Yesterday friend, today enemy. Yesterday lover, today hater.

The biggest favor which such person can do is to continue with life without bitterness. Stop useless war and turn on to areas where you are successful. Or you want to be remembered as violent person without character?

Enemies in shell

Do you consider yourself as nice person, who never hurt someone? If you do, your first thought is maybe that you have no haters . Who would hate me, i am kind, nice and good person? That is life philosophy of some people, that good actions will return to them, as reward. Goodness is not something what travels in both directions, so unfortunately if you deal with snakes, they will bite you because they are snakes, no matter how you treat them.

On other hand, haters help us to survive and to test our abilities. Your friends will spoil you with compliments, support and good deeds, so you might forget that world is cruel. If you are surrounded with love, it might make your sight blind, because everything in your life looks beautiful. No, everyone is not angel as your mother, sister and husband. That would be perfect, if we could block and delete every idiot who makes our life harder and give their spot to someone who is great person.

Don’t trust to people who say that they don’t know for enemies in their life. They come in different categories, and it is not easy to recognize them.

I will sign them as “negative people. ” 


They are not equally mean, but they dislike you and you can expect unpleasant actions from their side.

Who are they?

Double faced friends.

Hard category. They pretend they like you, but they don’t like you indeed. They are with you because of their interests. It could be your money, popularity or something else, but they are not honest friends. You will see that in the time of troubles, they run fast and first.

Provocateurs. 

They are as mosquitoes. So, they can’t hurt you much, but they might annoy, bother or make smaller damage, enough to spoil your day. Boring neighbor who reminds you that you forgot to say hello. Co-worker who don’t want to open window in office because he got cold. He reminds you that you are idiot who wants fresh air.

Virtual idiots.

Everyone today has page on social network, and for sure someone will be there who will try to spam your inbox, bother you , dislike your photos or make filthy suggestions.

Haters.

This is category of jealous and envious people. They wish what you have and they think that you did not deserve. Hater could be someone who did not get what he wanted, your ex boyfriend, rival at work and similar.

Zorro enemy.

That is someone who remember things from past. You did something what he did not like. Maybe you did not want to do this with intention, but this avenger will remember this and try to hit you.

So, now when you see this, don’t be so sure that you don’t have enemies.

They are maybe not visible, not with open bad intentions, but they are hidden in their shell and there is minefield for you. Maybe this person smiled to you yesterday, but he wanted your death. Maybe she said sweet compliment, but he wanted to spit on you. That sneaky people are dangerous enemies, because you will sleep as baby in their presence, by thinking that they are your friends or supporters. 

Jenna was thinking that her colleagues will support her when she told them about her boss. Well, they give her condolence when she was talking with them, they promised to stand on her side. When boss invited Jenna on official talk , she found out that her colleagues talked bad behind her back. She learnt lesson, never talk bad about your boss in front of your co-workers. They could be even worse than mean boss. They might order rope around your neck.

Someone will said that theory of conspiracy is paranoid theory for people who see bad person in every corner. Well, if you are enough cautious not to open door to every sweet stranger with poppy eyes, it doesn’t mean you are paranoid. Make healthy balance and don’t trust with everyone who wants to get close with you. Check his shell before you decide to donor your blood . 

Celebrities behind bars

Break the rule, it can be very exciting and funny, but break the law is not so hilarious. Unless you don’t want to pay big money or spend life behind prison bars, conflicts with law are not recommended. As every rule has an exception, here are examples of famous persons who avoided justice very successfully.

So, if you want to play with system, you should be famous. If you believe that all are equal in this world and that ordinary person will get equal punishment as famous star, you are very wrong.

In the year 2011 Serbian singer Svetlana Ceca Ražnjatović was accused because of illegal possession of money from transfer of football players . That footballers were playing for football club Obilić and she was president of that club. For those who doesn’t know, Ceca is widow of familiar criminal man Željko Ražnjatović Arkan. She took 2 million euro and over 300 000 dollars on illegal way, she took money for herself. What court said? She got 8 months of house arrest together with her sister, who was cooperator in her act. She also got bracelet with bipper around her leg, as insurance that she will not try to escape.

This was not the end, so 2 years later she was accused for threats and her advocate wanted to deal with court , he suggested that Ceca could pay money in humanitarian purposes, but court denied that. Can you imagine that ordinary person would avoid normal prison for stealing other money?

Paris Hilton was arrested because of possession of drugs, and she was in prison, but her treatment was much better that with other prisoners. She was only 23 days in jail.

Khloe Kardashian was driving drunk, and she got 30 days of prison. Instead this, she spent only 173 minutes behind prison bars in Lynwood jail, famous as place for celebrities. Her sister even made party for her before she went there , party was named as “Girl, you are going to prison.”

So, it is not easy to be ordinary man. If you are not celebrity, and if you drink over 2 glasses of alcohol and police stops you, and you have over 1.5 promil (in Croatia), you will stay without drive licence for one month, you will pay about 1000 euro for penalty and you must go to test at shrink for your abilities. All this, and if you even did not drive fast or make damage or hurt someone at road. Unless you know a policeman to make deal with him, but even then you will have hard time to avoid punishment. 

Nomen est omen. Name is a sign. If you are in trouble with law, just tell what is your name. The other part is history.

Princess warrior – when woman abuse man

 

Women are known as gentle, fragile creatures and this soft perception about us is a kind of standard. If you talk too much, cry on romantic movies, if you spend hours in shopping, simply you are a woman.

In relation, woman represents gentle side. If man beats his woman, he is violent and woman can report him for abusing.  Law will protect women and female groups will brag about maniacs.

What happens if woman beats his partner? Mostly, men will be ashamed of that fact. Come on, woman beats me, she hit me with fist, she slaps me? That is not a woman, she is a beast. Should rules change and in this case, man must treat woman as strong gender, not as fragile flower?

If your woman is as princess Xena, things are not so funny. Megan Velter is a former soldier. She thought that her boyfriend is cheating her, so she decided to punish him on old fashioned way, with fists. What is more interesting, she called operator and told him that her boyfriend is professional fighter and that he beat her. She made herself as victim and used stereotypes about soft ladies.

Stereotypes protect us when we are in such kind of troubles. 
It is easier to believe women tears, than to injured man. Women are not violent by their nature. Woman can pretend that she is raped and to prove this, she will rip her clothes as she is attacked. Naive people will think that really happened. “Omg, who can do this to such soft lady? Some maniacs. ” Few tears, innocent and sad eyes and nobody will blame baby face for crime. She was abused, bullied by violent men, because only men can do this – that are prejudices about violence.

 

These stereotypes have roots in fairy tales. 


Princess was gentle woman with golden hair, and prince was hero. He would smash heads of other men to protect his lady. She was not soldier or wrestler. This is so masculine, how can woman fight?

Sometimes, roles are changed. Safe house is not only shelter for attacked women who are victims of family violence. Some men also needs shelter from their women, in a case that they fall in love in soldier lady.

Beggaring is not as it looks like



It is very clear that every society needs order, people are not animals and some rules of behavior must exist. Laws and regulations are here to reminds us, and punishments are here to learn us where we went wrong.

Just, laws are theory, and what is in practice? How to make rules on paper real? We need people who will work to make them real.

Here are some examples, what is written on paper, and what happens in reality.

Many cities in Croatia are full of beggars. This is not question of moral or mercy, begging for money is something what is punished by law. 

The Law of public order is clear, every beggar caught in the action should pay money penalty about 40 until 100 euro. New Law of public order will be even harder, punishment will be 150 euro. 

In reality, how to report beggar and who will report this?

I don’t know about any case that someone reported beggar on the street. People are ringing on others door and asking for a money, they enter into coffee bars and asking for a money too, on public events they will see an opportunity for money. More unemployed people, more beggars. I saw girl in tram begging for a money, she is of course without ticket and there is no policeman to report her and throw her out. On other hand, if i don’t buy tram’s ticket, controllers will punish me if they catch me. 

Don’t get me wrong, i am not heartless. Just, here is the point. If you give your money to beggar once, he or she will ask you second and third time, it will be no end. It will be way to collect money without work. Everyone who is capable for work should take a chance for job. Young woman is embarrassing her child in a way that she drag poor kid on the street and beg others to help her. If someone buys her sandwich, she will throw it into garbage and ask for money. Then, she will buy cigarettes instead of milk for child. I saw this more than once. Beggars are not always martyrs and victims,  sometimes victims are people who gave them money. We cannot work for beggars, because we have also families and bills for pay.

I visited Budapest and Prague and there is different situation. There is no young people on the street who are begging for money, only old and invalids, but even they are minority. People are selling sausages, clothes, some of them are playing music, but they mostly find creative way to earn money.

Begging is not just an individual problem, it is problem of community and state. Yes we need to punish them because they make mess, but also we need to give them opportunity to work for food and money. Social welfare must be part of regulations, there must be social minimum for people who can’t take care for themselves. In Croatia this is about 110 Euros. 

What kind of reactions we have? 
People are indifferent. They will turn head or give some coin, but in mostly cases people don’t care. 

Where are policemen to stop beggars when they act violent?

Where is penalty for fake introducing, as beggar, while you collect money for your own purposes?


Beggaring is game with hearts. On first sight, you will see poor man in rags, girl with paper where is written that she is deaf or blind. Your heart will break and you will give them coins, but later in newspaper you might read that blind girl and man in rags were ordinary criminals who cheated naive people. 

That is why, think twice before you give a coin to beggar. He will ask you next time more, if you don’t give he will act violent. Don’t feel guilty because you have work, and that person is begging for money. Social institutions should solve that problems, not you. Already you gave coins from your salary for unemployed people, so you are not voluntary charity association. 

Sexual harassment at workplace

 

 13879189_10153775194117006_4905930335523795065_n

Your workplace should be safe zone, covered with respect and dignity. It doesn’t matter are you cleaner, waiter, lawyer or manager, basic human values should be untouchable. In the case when your honor is damaged, and when your respect is under question mark, you are victim of mobbing. One of the worst form of mobbing is sexual harassment. When your boss or colleagues try to humiliate you as sexual object, your worth is in danger and it is time to press red alarm button.

In Croatia, 50% women are abused at work. Every fifth woman will report this , and 30% will be silent. Last year ombudsman had 420 accusations which content was sexual harassment at work. 

What you can do in this case? 

1. report sexual harassment in your firm, so you will be in procedure of intermediation

2. if it doesn’t work, you can go to court, with accusation, and if your abuser is your boss, you can  go to court immediately

3. also, you can report abuse to some association, to protect your rights and get legal advice

In Croatian Labor law are rules about protection of worker’s dignity and honor. Also, Law on prevention of discrimination has rules how to protect gender rights, because abusing women at work is also attack on their basic human rights and humiliation of female gender.

At first sight, all is clear, but abusers at work are not stupid and they know to cover their intentions. 

 77ff0-730_538868192941685_4259197515589097361_n

They will have next arguments:

I am just joking.

This woman tried to seduce me with her short skirt or decolletage, she has too strong makeup and looks like whore.

That woman is lazy, she doesn’t do nothing.

She understood me wrong, i am not such kind of man.

Why women are sustained to report abusers at work?

Financial reasons, they are afraid not to lose job.

They are afraid of revenge, if they lose job, they will get bad recommendations.

Fear, that abuser can hurt them physically, or that their husbands will not understand.

Slow procedures at court, and too soft punishments.

Accord Criminal law in Croatia, abuser at work will get money penalty or prison for a 2 years and this kind of accusation must be private. That is in theory, and in practice many violent employees will avoid punishment because their victims will give up or they will afraid to report them.

How does it look like, and what should be sexual harassment at work, we can see from this example.

Branka works in civil service as secretary. Her computer is very slow and she invited guy from IT service to fix it and upload some antivirus programs. Saša, official man from IT service, few times invited Branka to drink coffee with him, but she is married and she rejected him. Saša said to her that they should meet after work, and she said no again. Then Saša start to massage her shoulders, because she was tense, as he noticed, and she pushed him. Next days Branka had crumbles on her skirt, because she ate sandwich. Saša touched her between legs to clean crumbles from bread, and she slapped him. He slapped her and she reported him to Union. Also he used dirty words as whore, slut and bitch , to describe Branka. She had many troubles to prove his bad behavior, but woman at Union supported her and they are still in process. Meanwhile, Saša is not working there anymore, because he was reported by one more woman , as sexual abuser.

Everything has time and place. 


We can flirt in cafe bar, pub or club, we can joke even at work, but when behavior cross limits of decency, this is step into dark zone. Women at work are not prostitutes and if they don’t accept that you touch them and talk dirty with them, you should respect this, no matter how they look, what they wear and if they excite you, as man. 

Men has two choices: you will respect your pretty colleague or you will act as total moron and risk to be reported and even you can get kick out from your comfortable workplace. So next time you will not be confused is this office or striptease bar.