Are you ready to be honest?

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Honesty is value which everyone wants, but not everyone is able to handle. This is kind of mirror with two sides, and once when mirror is looking at you view is different. I was often judged because i speak on honest way, i don’t know how to pretend. Even if i tried too, my facial expressions would show opposite.

So recently my colleague complaint that i never ask how is she, i never knock at her office door. She said: “I could die and you would not know. ” I replied: “Well i am sure someone would notify me about this. “She said to me: “I like your way, you always know what to say. “

She accepted my honesty even it was not sugarcoated. This is not always the case, so try to be honest with some people, they will say you are bad mannered, rude, cruel and so on.

Just, what kind of offers we get from people who constantly praise us?

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We never know where we are standing with them

We can hear the same compliments for our rivals.

We can notice that compliments are based on pattern “good, sweet, very well. “

I could say to that lady that i love her much, that i feel sorry cause i did not check up on her, that i am bad colleague. Instead of this i said that was on my mind, because workplace is not place for personal therapy and i am not obligated to knock at her door.

Many relations would end up before if couples would be honest. Many friendship would be tempted if friends were honest. If guys were honest, many women would not accept one night stand.

So, we are indeed hypocrites. We talk about honesty but we enjoy in lies. We allow critics but expect compliments. We ask for truth but we are hungry for sweet words.

Where you will find honesty?

In situations when person has no other choice. She know someone other will tell you, so she must tell truth.

From your enemies and rivals. They will not lie about what they feel.

From someone you know very long time. My partner will not lie to me, so if i look bad in some clothes, he will tell me.

To accept his precious appearance of honesty, at least you must be brave person with strong attitude. You need to handle defeat, critics, dirty mouth. You don’t have to feel bad because someone dislike you. You should feel bad if you can’t handle that someone closes you door.

 

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Make choice, regret is expensive

 

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I don’t have luck. Me and my bad luck. We will say this often when nothing good happens in our life. Then, happiness will leave track. You hear someone is knocking on the door? If you don’t open, person will leave and maybe return next time. Or never. The same is with opportunities. They are here, and if you don’t use this moment, all what is left is regret.

Ivan had good chance to work in Switzerland. He was engineer and he got offer to work on project , for good salary. He was thinking because this opportunity has a price. He should move from Croatia, together with this family, and to live in Luzern. He should left his friends, parents who were old and sick and simply to start for a new life.  After many doubts he gave up. How he will leave his city, friends from childhood and how his parents will live without his visits? He had children and they used on school, how would they fit in Luzern? He stayed at his job, for average salary. After ten years, when his factory fall in debts and director announced bankruptcy, he remembered his business chance.

Similar situation made Eva to regret. She was between two men. One was handsome, with temporary job, and other was rich, less handsome but stable and with good character. She chose first. Her life with Victor was hell. He spent her money and runaway with waitress. Eva spent whole night with postcard from Filip. Meanwhile he got marry and Eva remembered her missed chance. She wanted adventure and life with Filip would be boring, accord their view. Or maybe not? She choose Victor and it was big fail.

Every choice leave consequences.

What occupation you will choose? How about your job, life partner?

Will you quit present job and ask for new?

Will you marry for that man?

You are pregnant and you don’t want to keep your baby?

Our choice will leave mark in our soul. How could it be and what would happen if you choose different? Sound of regret is very sad. Maybe you did not have guts to risk more. Maybe your sacrifice would be too big and painful.

Regret is bad follower. If you did not choose right, try to be happy with things and persons you have. You did not recognize what is good for you, so now make your choice better and live with this.

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First book is for people who are addicted on internet.

Second book is for women who can’t find partner.

Third book is for people who can’t fit in social conventions.

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Do you recognize rejection from cold-warm strategy in romance? (for men)

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Role of hunter is not grateful position. Men are by nature leaders, and from them is expected to do first steps. Especially, if they wish to get certain woman, they must be ready for everything, from gentle rejection until harsh kick in the butt. As much real man will take leash in his hands, he will also know when to back off, and when is time to stop with his attempts.

Unfortunately, some guys are not so wise to recognize real rejection from warm-cold strategy. This is also women fault, so women will play and make fool of men in some situations.

How to separate real rejection from warm-cold strategy?

If woman is interested for you, and she is not yet sure, she will give double signs.

She will say no if you invite her for date, but her next sentence will be : “Maybe next time, i will let you know.”

She will let you to follow her into her street, but she will not invite you in her flat.

She will talk with you, but you will not get permission to kiss her.

She will even sleep with you, but next day she will be unavailable.

She will delete you from Facebook but she will not block your page. Just , for any case, she may expect your message.

If woman is not interested for you, she will not give you any chance to repeat your questions about her and you.

If you call her, she will block your number.

If you send her message, she will block your page.

Follow her, she will call her friends for help. 

She will appear with another man in front of your eyes if you are annoying. This is very clear sign.

If you try to kiss her, she will push you away. Alert, here you are in danger zone. She can slap you.

Some men are not gentlemen and they don’t accept other choices. Real gentleman will accept word no with silence and dignity. This man will not make you troubles. Also, you might sorry because he will never disturb you later. He asked you once , you denied, and he gone. Your problem is another man, called jerk. Jerk will chase you and spread gossips. Jerk will tell you that you are whore, fat or short, and that you are ugly. All because you did not want to date with him.

The worst follower of rejection is denial. If you deny to yourself that person rejected you, if you repeat her words and ask some hidden meaning, you are on wrong path. Some guys think : “She said no? Maybe she is shy? Or her friends talked bad about me? Maybe she is not ready today, but i can wait. ”

Delusional guys are often jerks. They can’t admit to themselves that some women don’t accept them. They must learn how to accept negative answers. Until then, such men will hunt in blurry zone.

It is possible to be alone in relation

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Once my hairdresser asked me: “Do you have boyfriend?” I said yes, and she said with deep sigh: “Thanks God, because if you never had boyfriend, it would not be all right with your sanity. “

That  provincial judgment made me smile, cause relation is not guarantee for happiness, neither is loneliness sign of misery. Do you know how is to feel alone in marriage or in relation?

At first sight, everything is nice because you pleased social conventions. Formally, you are not alone and you are worthy accord standards, because you have someone. If you look at this deeper, you will find many things under shinny surface, which are not so fairy .

In romantic movies two people met each other, make love and got married. Then they get children, have little conflicts because of breakfast, dog or furniture, make peace and live together forever. In real life such story has no logic. Relations are hard and marriage is hard, especially if two people are not in collaboration.

Logic question for any unhappy person in marriage would be: “Why don’t you leave him or her?” There are many reasons, including financial, why is that not possible over night. It takes time, nerves, money and it leaves pieces of broken heart, damaged trust and dead hope.

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Well, how is to feel alone in relation?

You make plans, and partner is silent.

You have problems at work and want to talk about this, your partner is ignorant.

You came home from work and want to make love, your partner is sleeping because he is tired.

You want to watch movie together, but your partner has no energy and will to comment with you.

Did you ever feel that you want to escape from reality and wake up somewhere else, where you will not see grumpy face and dead shine in eyes of your ignorant partner, where he will not blame you for his frustrations and where some dark stranger will hug you to forget everything?

In the movie “Purple rose of Cairo” Mia Farrow got lost in her dreams and she enter into movie screen to be together with her favorite actor. Later she realize that imaginary world is not hers, that is even worse than reality. Just, she learnt to grab courage, and she is leaving her nasty boyfriend who can’t do even small house work without her help.

The point of one sided relation is lack of courage. You live with parasite who suck your blood and you feel sorry for him but he will not say thanks for this.

Don’t feel alone in relation when you can be alone single. I had relation where i was alone. Guy called me every third day, his phone was busy when i needed him and i did not know am i in relation with him still because he never said that he will break up with me.

That is how syndrome “alone in relation” works out. That is sneaky cancer which attack your soul, bite you inside until it grabs your heart and make pieces of it.

Did you give more than you get?

 

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Quid pro quo, that is an old Latin proverb. It means , give and take. If you ask for favor , i will do it, but next time i will need feedback. If you don’t want to help me i will consider you as selfish. Ask next time something from me and you will not get it.

Human relations should be based on reciprocity, as we have two hands on one body. I give you love and i expect your love for return. I am loyal to you, i will not screw you, but also i am not a fool. If you think that i am not worthy of your respect and loyalty, for sure i will know this and you will lose my affection.

Selfish person will hardly understand meaning of reciprocity. So, i am used that others please to my wishes. It comes out from childhood. Mother made cake for me but i don’t want to wash dishes. She will wash instead of me. My friend did my homework because i did not know how. She asked me to borrow her skirt, but i can’t do this, i don’t lend my clothes. Selfish person is one sided personality. That kind of person will receive, but never give for return. She has always right and only her opinion is important. As dictators in history, that people are masters and others are slaves.

Selfishness will exist so long until other will accept her existence. Sonia lives with mother even she has 40 years. So her mother is doing all kind of job in this flat, but Sonia always paint nails, read and she is princess who would make her hands dirty with such kind of work. One day mother got sick, and Sonia was forced to cook her tea and make a lunch. Then she saw her selfishness. Mother could die and her last act would be making favorite meal for Sonia.

We cannot be soft accord selfish people. They must be faced with their character. If you do accord their wishes, you will never warn on your rights and needs. Indeed, you don’t exist if your boyfriend or friend never did nothing for you, to make you happy.

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Reactions  might be various. Egocentric will swallow bitter mug.

They can make angry. What, this is thanks for me because i am your friend 10 years? I can’t guess what you wish.

They can feel guilty. Sorry, i did not know that my acts hurt you. I will try to make it better.

They will not admit. No, this is not true. I do things for you but you don’t see this.

They can ask for replacement. Well, if you are not satisfy with me, i will find another friend. I will find another woman who will make me happy. Someone will appreciate me more than you.

What is reason of other selfishness?

Simple example from virtual world. People ask for likes on their pages but they don’t want to give likes for return. Why is that?

Some conclusions:

Well, i can’t promise you return. If you wish like my page , if you don’t want no problem. 

I am famous, so you need to kiss my knees, be happy because you are my friend.

I am too busy with myself, i have no time for others.

In generally, selfishness is ugly. You do many efforts to make close with selfish person, but she underestimate you. At the end you feel as an idiot.

An opposite, when you have friend who understand principle of reciprocity, you feel as you found your lost part. You give and receive. This is spontaneously, you don’t need to force or beg, simply that person knows that you are happy with such treatment.

Give and don’t expect nothing for return is incomplete thought. Maybe you don’t expect but for sure you will be disappointed if you don’t get what you wanted. Or, you are asking in wrong place?

This is your race, don’t forget to participate

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Do you ever get tired to do things for someone who will hardly move little finger for you? Are you tired to chase dream which is unreachable? Are you tired to deal with problems which are bigger and bigger every day?

Sometimes, life is a tunnel which is so dark that we can’t see path. We are walking as blind trying to find where is a little ray of light. As much we are trying, it is getting darker. People are deaf at your requests and even the closest one will not understand you.

This make me question, what i have in myself that everything is so hard to reach for me? Others solve problems easily and i am torching with it. I invest a lot, and i get so little. If i were farmer, i would spend a lot of seed and at the end i would sow some grass in best case.

I am trying to understand life, why i have so weak cards in this game and why i have to deal with so much obstacles for small results? Maybe i pay some bad karma or i am ungrateful for things i already have.

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As i am kind of fanatic, i don’t want to give up from my aim, so i use my extra bonus sources.

I find inspiration in those who succeed.

I make humor from my problems.

I got rid of everything and everyone who slow down my progress.

I look forward for every new day as possibility.

I remember things which were impossible for me, but i reach them anyway.

I look at life as on race in roller coaster. We go up and down and abyss is near , and i can fall in this abyss or hold on so strong that i can’t fall down. I live for triumph , for achievement. One of my favorite quotes said “those who will not risk, never drink champagne”, and i want to hold glass of champagne high to make cheers and toast .

Aren’t we live and suffer for those moment which makes us happy? No matter is this new love, birth of child, new job or lottery won? When you get your achievement, you forgot hard road with stones, wounds and lost nerves. No pain, no gain, even sometimes there is a pain and also no gain. The point is in possibility, if you never try, you will never have chance even to participate in the race.