relations · business · dreams · career · ego · character · discrimination · drama

Did you use too much tact?

 

Person who is afraid of other reactions and opinions is not free. There is saying “he walks on eggs”, as metaphor for his behavior. Be careful what you say. What will people think about you? Don’t yell, don’t laugh loud, don’t cry in publicity. Pay attention how you act because people can judge you.

It is normal that we are connected with environment where we live, and society made some rules. No, you can’t walk naked on the street unless you don’t want to be in prison or in mental hospital. You can’t hit people with bottles because you don’t like them. That is violent act.

Insecure person will always take care of other opinions. Wear gloves in interactions with others because that is safe. Well, it is not right and also it is impossible to please everybody.

For example, your parents are traditional people . They believe in God. What if you find girlfriend who is an atheist? How you can represent her to your family? If you are coward or conformist you will think first about yourself. Well, it doesn’t fit in so you will leave her or suggest that she can be your mistress. So this is easier way, you will hide your passion and everybody are happy. Wolf is not hungry, sheep is still alive, both sides made agreement.

If you have character and your principles, you will say clear that you love your girlfriend and that you think serious about life with her, no matter if your parents are against. You can be isolated and in some cases maybe your parents will not talk with you, but you decided to defend your choice.

Even compromise in such situation looks like an ideal solution, this is not right. If you hide your girlfriend from publicity, she will be unhappy, she will be humiliated and soon her bad mood will forward on you. You can’t hide someone as rat in rat hole. That girl can feel as Ana Karenjina , as woman without honor.

In generally, we can’t say that we don’t care for anybody and that only our opinion is important.

We care for people who are close to us and their support is valuable for us. Just, think about bad influence on your life if you choose to please everybody. You will have thousand friends and everybody will ask favor from you because you will not deny. Then also you must have chameleon abilities, to change accord other wishes. One day you will be tough guy, other day you are romantic and soft, depends what people are asking from you.

That gloves you wear became too tight, isn’t it? You are choking because you have no space for your needs.

What you wish? What are your priorities? 

Listen what other people talk, but do accord your wishes and principles. Find this balance in situations which are important for you, because you are the one who will live with consequences of your acts.

business · character · control · discrimination · egoism · mobbing · moral · relations

Where is difference between good boss and dictator?

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Obligations and rights are connected. If you are obligated to do something, you have right to ask other things for return. Especially at work, workers have rights and obligations.

In generally, we are humans. If you work at office, you are educated and you deserve appropriate treatment.

Your supervisor, headmaster, boss is not a king neither dictator.

Some bosses have this kind of requests.

 

Knock at my door before you enter.

 

Check what i wrote to you, because i have no time to read what i wrote, read between lines.

 

All important places on documents should be marked with post it papers, in different colors. I have no time to read complete document.

 

Bring me coffee in the morning.

 

Can you take my bag when you are going on business meeting with me?

 

Help me with computer, i am new in this technology age, and some things i don’t know. But i am boss so why should i know?

 

I am always right, because this is hierarchy.

So let suppose that we please all this wishes. Now we need something for return.

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What we will get?

 

If you complain on your boss, go to higher boss. Higher boss will talk with your supervisor, and circle is closing. Of course, try to work harder and you will not have reason to complain.

 

If you are working on the same document or project six months, and your boss doesn’t want to accept your idea, that work will never be finished.

You must copy paste what your boss said.

 

You have problematic client? Try to be calm and reply to him or her, million times if that is necessary.

Even your client is ready for mental hospital, you must have abilities of shrink to guess his wishes.

Some bosses forgot that we live in the age of democracy.

We are not slaves. We know that nobody can’t cut our heads. Also we have brain and ideas. Just because someone is on high position, it doesn’t mean that person is the smartest and genius. It has different meaning. Boss can be person who built career on fake kindness. Right words on right time and right place and here we are. I know person who was always late at work, he had alcoholic problems. But when structure of firm changed, he was the first one who run from office to office to ask for his rights. He was orphan and victim. New people on the top trusted him so he got position as boss of the department.

If we are making mistakes we can’t judge others for the same just because our position is better.

If responsibility exist, it must be justified no matter who did wrong. We can’t punish people accord positions, so person on high level will get smaller punishment. There should not be saint cows.

Every obligation has background. Besides, how we will motivate our workers, if their salaries are small, if we don’t give them enough free days and if they must work sick or under pressure?

Underestimated person is as donkey. You can beat him, but he will still stand on one place. There authority fails, because if you don’t respect your colleague, he will not respect you either and system will fail.

cyber · discrimination · drama · erotica · illusion · jealousy · moral · passion · relations

What happens when your partner has double standards?

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Things which you allow to yourself are also allowed to others. For example, if you drink beer, you will not judge your friend because he is drinking beer. If you wear short skirt, you will not gossip your friend because her skirt reveals her underwear. We are humans, and sometimes we move our limits into unknown directions.

Double standards are the worst failures in one relation. Although you are jealous person,  it will not stop you to flirt around. Handsome colleague from work, your charming boss, your sexy neighbor, even this new salesman, they are all opportunity for flirting. Now, you have husband, and your business is to play role of private agent, by digging into his pockets. Does he cheats you? Maybe his schoolmate is also partner in his bed. He can’t do this to you. Now, when he asks you, why you are blinking to all handsome men , you will say “But that is my right.”

Things are always different from  selfish perspective. It doesn’t look such bad when you are doing something what is not appropriate. If you are boss at work and if you skip deadline because it was not your day, this is something which must be forgiven and forgotten. Well, what if your worker do the same thing? You would yell as lunatic, they would be fired without recommendations.

Where are roots of double standards?

Person is spoiled in childhood. Some parents will let all to their children, they will not have limits, as they had many toys and they took rights to play with other dolls and teddy bears, they will play with other feelings, but their space will be locked and protected.

Person is selfish. When you are selfish, you can’t feel mercy or guilt or responsibility for others. You don’t give a shit for other problems, because it is not about you.

Person is old fashioned. This happens in men world. Some men think that meaning of real man is real boss. So, he can cheat, flirt and break hearts, but his beloved wife will wait him at home, with warm dinner.

Person is coldblooded. If you are not sensitive, you will not hear what others want to say to you. You cannot feel that you harm someone, that someone is crying because of what you did. This is not a part of your program.

Double standards make confusion in every love relation. This is discrimination of rights, because one person will take everything and other half will be prisoner, in invisible cage.

When Chad and Kurt talked about some girls, they made good example of double standards.

Chad said: “Mona is a slut. She was kissing me at first date, second date i fucked her and what to do later?”

Kurt asked him: “But why did not you tell her that you don’t want this?”

Chad replied: “What, i am not crazy. I like to use sluts for hot sex. I will not marry her. If she can’t get it, she is also stupid.”

If you are victim of double standards, check your priorities. Maybe you stuck with someone who holds the key of your freedom. Now you can’t talk with friend, tomorrow you will not have permission to get out from your house, and next day your windows will be locked, for any case.

discrimination · drama · dreams · ego · erotica · fantasy · flirt · freedom · relations

Are you in relation with brat?

 

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Responsibility is follower of maturity. If you are responsible, you know everything about obligations and how to deal with this. Your immaturity will hurt people even without your intentions, because they expected something from you.
Love doesn’t know for numbers and years, but heart feels immature actions. This clumsy guy left mark in your heart, because he doesn’t know how to deal with responsibility, he was immature. Problem is, women are often more mature then men. That is why older woman will have problems in relation with younger men, they are on different levels. So when women complaint that their heart is bleeding, often man is not bad, he is immature. There is a quote, if you lay in bed with kiddo, he will pee in your sheets.
So that is why we can say that immature actions are childish, without responsibility, even without thinking about consequences.
Which are signs that you are in relation with brat?
He did not came on date, even you had deal.
 
He got late on date, more than 15 minutes.
 
He talk about his previous sexual experiences, you know every dirty detail about him and his ex.
 
He is with you, but every time he is watching other women, and even comment without shame how sexy they are.
 
He talks about sex with you in front of his friends.
 
His friends don’t like you, so he wants to hide you to avoid fights with them.
 
He doesn’t want to introduce you with your parents.
 
He said he is not ready for serious relation.
 
He said that you are fat or old, without thinking that will hurt you.
 
He said that skirt doesn’t fit you or that you are dressed like whore.
 
He is yelling on you in publicity, he said to you to shut up in front of people or he doesn’t allow you to express your opinion about some topics.
 
He expects that you will pay his drinks, he forgot your birthday and never bought you gifts.
 
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Some things will come later. Boy will learn about behavior through many relations with other girls. First girlfriend will be as experimental rabbit, and possible errors will affect on her. Melisa and Raul were dating in high school. They were hitchhiking together because he was not driver, and he had no car. Nothing was hard for Melissa, he loved him, even he was 2 years older. Later, when they broke up, Raul was 21 and Melisa 23. He started to drive car and his new girlfriend Elsa was with him in the moment when Melisa was on bus station, waited for a bus. They saw her and they passed by the road with laugh. Elsa was so nasty that she shown her middle finger to Melissa. Melissa was hurt but indeed it was childish act.

When you are in relation with immature person, you are passing period of adjustment. 

It’s up to you will you wait him until he grows up or you will leave. He simply doesn’t know that something can hurt you, no matter is this lack of attention, inability to listen your problems or something bigger. Woman must be patient in such relation and also very flexible. After breakup, women will say that they don’t want to be nannies anymore or that they were wearing trousers in this relation. Older woman and younger man are in relation mother-son, if age difference is too big. She is working already, and he is still student . She wants kids, and he wish to go to parties with friends. That are huge differences. This is situation when you are dancing, and he stands on your feet, because he is clumsy.

If such couple is enough strong and patient, and if they really love each other, they must work on relation, they will have mutual progress together. This relation will develop with years or they will split. In any way, relation without responsibility is as artificial flower. It looks like flower, but smell is not here.
anxiety · bullying · cyber space · destiny · discrimination · drama · friendship · jealousy · relations

Who watch your back?

Sometimes we can’t handle problems alone. Even the strongest person will need shoulder for cry or just a hug, as sign that everything will be better. If you are woman, you will need double dose. We are sensitive creatures and even we don’t want to admit it, sometimes we need corner for cry.

When you feel as the whole world is against you, when your life is expressed only in black color, you will need support. Our friends, sisters, brothers, parents and our beloved husbands or wives are our shelter. We expect comfort from them because they are in our hearts.

Dana came from work, exhausted and angry. She cried, not because of grief, he was angry because at her workplace was huge injustice. Her office mate is smoking and nobody wants to act against her, and Dana is choking every day in cloud of cigarette. At the end of work time they had fight and Dana almost slap her. It was very ugly scene at office, but necessary. So Dana wanted support of her husband Dylan. He talked with her, but there was no emotions in his voice. He talked about behavior at workplace, about holes in law system, and general conclusion was that life is a shit. She did not get hug or kiss. Later he turn on television and it was end of conversation. She was even more furious. She went on Skype and talked with her virtual friend Boris from Moscow. Suddenly, stranger understood all what she wanted to say. He did not use much words, but she make her laugh with some jokes. She felt close to him, more closer than to Dylan.

When we talk about our personal problems, is our beloved partner always right choice for conversation?

When you spend every day with one person, argues are unnecessary. He is also tired, exhausted, maybe unhappy. So, some stranger will have more energy to comfort you. At least, he is more objective, and if he says wrong words you will not yell at him. You can close camera to finish conversation.

What when our support is missing? When Louise lost virginity, she said about it her sister Linda. Linda had breakup with boyfriend and all what she said was :”So, big deal.” Louise was disappointed, but she tried to understand that circumstances were not good to share her secret. Even, she always remember how she could not share her first love experience with sister.

Talking about other problems will help to forget ours. I always think, if i can help someone with advice, my existence is not useless. I can’t help myself, but maybe i can help others so this is not in vain. Maybe, one day it will turn back to me for good. Of course, i will always think who is person worthy of my help. I don’t want to involve in something what is not my business or to get damage from this.

You are good support if you are objective. It is not necessary that you put your hand in fire and get burn. You can tell to person about self respect, about positive views of some situation or just to make someone smile. Just don’t feel sorry because this is an opposite effect.

Support is feeling that you can lean on someone. That person will be your right hand when you can’t anymore. She will help you to get up. But, at the end, you will deal with your problems alone. Nobody will get dirty for you.

behavior · crises · cyber space · destiny · discrimination · erotica · flirt · relations

How much odds you have with heartbreaker?

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Heartbreaker is special kind of man. Deep in himself he hates women, for some reasons. Difference between him and playboy is in ability to feel. Playboy likes women, he tries to give love to every woman, even it is not possible to make everyone happy. This guy is as thunder, he hits and leave devastated hearts, and he doesn’t feel guilt.

How is it possible that some men hate women , even they are heterosexual? If you know man who hit woman, who leave her with few children and doesn’t care for her, who leave pregnant woman without explanation and who doesn’t give alimony, he is such kind.

Let’s go to the past, so you will see why A, B and C became heartbreakers.

Man A. He is son of divorced parents. He lived with mother, and she was changing her lovers as socks. So in this flat were many men. It was uncle Sam, uncle John and bunch of uncles were regular guests in that home. Mother of A was slut. Everybody talked about this.

Man B. He was poor and ugly. Girls were mocking him and nobody wanted to go in prom night with him. He was the main topic of bet and jokes.

Man C. He was weird. He could not fit in, and girls were avoiding him.

Time was playing important role and with years situation changed for this guys.

Where are they now?

Man A lives in another city. He is cute guy, but his relation are short and instant. His bed is very traffic. He has sex with women and later he leaves them, without explanation. Reason: all women are sluts.

Man B is rich. He earned a lot of money and he has private business. He is using women for sex and he can’t fall in love. Reason: every woman will break his heart because he is ugly.

Man C is still single, but he is the main star at internet. He has popular profile and women are asking for him. He thinks that all women are the same and he breaks hearts virtually. Reason: women would leave him anyway, and that is a dream.

Sometimes, our trauma has deep roots. Something hurt us in childhood and we can’t go further. Mother who beaten her son. Mother who left his son alone and gave him to adoption. This man can’t blame his mother, but she is now everywhere. Her mirror reflection is in every his relation. He can’t get rid of bad vision, and that is why he can’t love.

If you will date with heartbreaker, he will behave on this way:

He will be jealous on every man in your life, no matter is this father, boss or friend.

He will accuse you that you are dishonest.

He will check you and control your movement.

He will be distrustful and suspicious.

Whatever bad happens in your relation, your will be main culprit. 

If you want to owe his heart , it is not enough to seduce him. You must change his perception about women. If that is possible, you have chances. Be gentle, kind and persistent, but don’t insist too long. Your heart is also not a toy, and don’t let him to play with you.

Heartbreaker will wake up when he lose someone who really cared about him. You don’t need to seek for revenge. Walk away quietly , without track.

crises · depression · destiny · discrimination · envy · erotica · fantasy · relations

Do you ignore your partner to prove who is the boss?

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I used to say a long time ago that ignorance is deadly weapon against your rivals , and sword in the heart of your beloved ones. If you want to hurt person, ignore her. If you want to get revenge, use ignorance.

Now imagine situation when you are in relation and you have certain expectations from your partner. You wish to share daily problems with him. You wish to smile to stupid jokes and to get opinions about something you did or said. Your partner should have skills of listening, because person who can’t listen is deaf with purpose, and such partner is ignorant one.

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How ignorance works out in relations?

You send him long text, he reply with disclaimer or short sentence.

You talk about your day, he just say ok and yes.

You call him and your speech is long, and he is just numb on other side or say something as “we will see. “

You realize that he did not listen you carefully, because he asked question which is already answered.

You talk with your partner, and he stares in other people at the street.

Can you tell me about your reactions, what you do when you feel ignored ? I passed through this so many times. I was smashing plates, yelling and insulting my partner because ignorance is his strategy when he is angry on me or he can’t forget some my sins from past.

Ignorance is cold sword. It says a lot of things with silence . Here is the message :”You are not worthy of my time and efforts. You are irrelevant. I want my peace and you are destroying it so here is the wall for you. “

As i wrote in one of my articles, ignorance is useful when you wish to get rid of someone or to get revenge , as paycheck. In this case, when you share life with person who use ignorance as backup, it is not funny anymore.

We are not all the same, so sensitive characters will rarely use ignorance. When you are emotional, hot tempered, you will not use cold sword. You will make fire and use guns, all will burst loud. If you are rational, cold blooded, pragmatic, you will use ignorance.

Ignorance is ice which should be melted on gentle ways. I used to smile, talk sweet or use my patience, but i have no always nerves for this. Hard day at work, annoying people in traffic and partner who ignores you at home, isn’t that too much?

Ignorance is one of reasons for infidelity. Ignored women are very easy target for playboys. How much times i hear this story, he did not pay attention to me, so i found someone who did this.

When you are alone, when you feel your partner doesn’t care do you cry or you will jump from the window (because he knows you will not ), seed of hate is spreading as poison through your body. You wish to slap this person, who turns you back? You wish to yell that all people know with whom you are living.

One day one man smiled to me and bought me drink in club, in front of my partner. He was gorgeous and very kind. He kissed me and next what i saw was my partner who pushed him into floor. Guards separated them, but i did not feel embarrassed.

Never ignore the one who loves you, because while you use your stubborn attitude to prove your principles, someone else will hug and kiss your partner to show you what you took for granted.

behavior · bohemians · character · discrimination · drama · envy · relations

Be careful with whom you are hanging out

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A long time ago my mother told me : “Be careful with whom you are hanging out. ” She knew that my friend, who was 15 years old then, already have a boyfriend, who is 8 years older than she is. She saw them during summer holidays at river beach, how they cuddle each other without shame, in publicity. She said that she is not good company for me, because she is obviously experienced, and filthy.

Few years ago i realized my mother has spoken truth. That friendship broke, because my friend X was indeed embarrassing person, without inhibitions and indeed selfish. After all, her boyfriend wanted to touch me once, when i was very young, and i was shocked with his behavior. That man was pervert, and she did not see that. They split later, as my mother knew what will happen.

My parents never made differences between reach and poor, smart and limited, ugly or pretty people. Just, they always suggested me to care on my reputation. If you are associated with such people, they said, others will not see differences. I really realized that is true.

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When i nowadays say that i am glad i am picky about friends, i mean next:

I love to hangout with people who help me to progress. 

I like people who are loyal to me.

I like people who will not make me ashamed in publicity.

I like honest people, who will not lie to my face.

I don’t like sugar coated people.

I don’t like people who are self centered.

I don’t like people who try to copy me, my decisions, my lifestyle or anything else.

I don’t like dependable people.

What i learn, is to separate people from their actions. I saw her with her boyfriend, we were young, and he brought me in ungrateful position, because people thought that i am like her, and i was just a kid. I forgave her this, but later i saw she will do everything just for her own sake, as she did not care how i feel or what i think.

Friendship is not one side alley.  Two women are going out, one is focused to follow her ex boyfriend, will they follow him all night or they will listen what other side say?

Some people think that friends are only audience for listening, but when they need to listen, they became suddenly deaf.

Why we need to pick our friends? It doesn’t matter who is pretty, rich, poor, noble or successful. That are shallow qualities. What really matters are well intentions. When you see your friend in trouble and you think all day how to help him. When you see your friend is busy and you wait your time, not to disturb him. When your friend make you favor, and you never forget this and next time you are happy to give him feedback. When you say your honest opinion even your friend doesn’t like it, but you say because you care and you wish to be honest.

I know when i wear something, that i will ask opinion of my friend, because she will never say that something is great if it is not. She will not mock me, but she will say that i can dress something better. I know when i ask her advice about marriage, she will not make situation so beautiful, she will say how it is, very realistic. That kind of friends are rare, but possible to find.

So when my mother said : “Be careful with whom you are hanging out”, she thought about people who will not stab me into back, who will earn my trust and appreciate me.

behavior · bohemians · character · discrimination · egoism · energy · envy · relations

Are we society of hypocrites?

When someone accepts you as you are, with your natural characteristics and principles, that person care about you. You don’t need to be perfect or different, all you need is just to be real you. It sounds very simple, but it is not easy to find person who will recognize real you. Life is full of situations when we will be forced to hide our real personality, at least until storm pass.

 

When we are playing roles?

At workplace.
Every workplace has own rules and if you wish to fit in, your skills will be focused how to survive. You will learn fake smile, sweet words and smarmy behavior, even that is not real you. 

When someone introduce you to his parents and relatives. 
Now, you will be an actor. Can you tell to mother of your boyfriend that you changed guys as socks before you met her son? No, you can’t , so you will be innocent, kind flower who discovered life in the moment when you met him. 

In politician groups and circles. You want to be candidate on next elections? You wish that people vote for you? If you are hasty, aggressive and troublemaker, people will not trust you. But, why to tell the truth? Now you wear nice business suit so you can act role of gentleman.

At funerals.

Sometimes you will not be sad because someone died. Especially if that is your boss or mother in law, you will feel relief if they made your life bitter. What you will do? Cry and wipe fake tears, make sad face and give condolence to their families.

At business meetings.

Now you are pretending that you are listening, that you are so fascinated with some ideas or projects. In fact, you can’t wait, when this will be finished? You will not say that you get bored. You will say that it was so useful meeting and then is time to ask questions, to show interest. 

Some situations are appropriate for playing roles. That is not hypocrisy, that is just survival. Your mask will protect your interest, but also on that way you are protecting others, you are not embarrassing them, and all are happy.

If you need to pretend in your free time, that is problem. You have special person in your life and she doesn’t like real you? Now you can’t reveal your real face, that mask will be with you forever. Maybe you need to die inside, for the sake of your partner.

Problem in human nature is in expectations. It is nice to see happy and kind face , but truth is somewhere else. We can adopt some patterns of behavior for some occasions, but we are not robots, and this schedule will have failures.

The key of happiness is in acceptance of others imperfections. Our kindness has limits, as our patience. Every person knows when is time to show real, naked truth, and when is time to hide this bomb. If we don’t have understanding, this bomb will explode in unexpected moment. Then everybody could ask, who are you and how they did not see this before. That hypocrisy was on their way, but they skipped over it.

behavior · business · career · character · discrimination · drama · dreams · relations

Napoleon complex – when authority turns off

 

Life gives us opportunities as cards. When we spent our amounts of cards, we can create more chances to stay in the game. Second choice is to give up from everything and abuse our power in the places where we can do it.

If you travel by bus or tram, sooner or later you will see controller tickets. That is usually older man or woman. They can be frustrated and angry on the rest of the  world . They will grab this chance to throw out their rage on passengers.

Once drunk controller entered in the tram. There were bunch of people who saw him and runaway quick until door were opened. The rest who stayed there were his victims.

He was red in the face and his breath had smell as trash, but still he asked for a ticket woman who were sitting near him.

– I don’t have ticket. I was in rush so i did not buy.

– What kind of behavior is this? You are travelling without ticket. What is this?

Men was yelling and his face became more red. Woman refused to give him personal ID. He has no authority to watch on her personal documents, accord Law of order it can do only policeman.  All right, this is not good to travel without ticket, because tram is not free unless you have special benefits. But, what kind of authority is drunk man who is yelling around like lion in zoo garden? What example and role model is he?

Look at this background. Some people are lazy during school time. They don’t want to learn, to progress when they have time and opportunity. Later they will not have big choice for employment and they will work from time to time. Controller job is good to fill your time when you are retired. If you are decent person, you can make agreement with people who will not pay ticket and try to convince them what is good for them. If you have Napoleon complex like this drunk man, you will grab your power to be someone at least. All what you missed in your life now is in front of you, as big stage. You can be aggressive, violent, fearless, and some naive people will maybe afraid of you. So pity you don’t have a gun, like from western movies.

Napoleon jumps out in various areas. We can see secretary who wanted to be a lawyer but she could not pass even one exam. She will yell on new employers as she is their boss. Also we can see policeman on his duty who will give lessons to young girls who were walking on the street after midnight and talk loud. This is his opportunity to teach them what is right and accord rules. This policeman never got real crime case and he can’t progress as corporal or captain, but he will give lessons to young girls about behavior. Also if you late with paying bills, you will get alert and clerk will later ring on your doorbell. He will took your television to sell on public auction. This clerk is maybe the last pawn in his family, maybe his wife disrespect him or his children make a donkey from him, but if he come on your door, watch out. He got a power, and he can be very cruel. Now you will pay , not because you are not paying bills on time. You will pay because life was so cruel to him.

We can feel something personal in act of some people.

They want to punish you not because you broke law or you late with your duties. They see big chance for personal revenge and they don’t care because this is wrong way. They abuse their position to prove their strength. If you have bad luck, this Napoleon can be your boss. You can be the best person in this world, but still he doesn’t give a shit about you, because you are here to pay your karma lessons.