Today friends, tomorrow enemies

 

Yesterday we were close friends, today we are enemies. Shit happens, and life is creator of dramas and tragedies because human nature is variable. Some people will turn you back, no matter if they were friends, lovers, even members of your family. Some of us simply can’t stay firm and stable in their choices and decisions and life will push them on other side, side against us.

Amelia and Clara were good friends in childhood. Amelia was sensitive, and Clara was sharp, and she often underestimated Amelia , she loved to play mother role with her. Amelia loved Clara, she saw leader in her, and she was her follower. With years, Amelia start to feel that something is not alright and that Clara is more rival than friend, so she talked with her about her behavior. Clara thought that Amelia can’t understand her jokes and nothing changed. Later Amelia found new friends and openly said to Clara that she doesn’t enjoy in her company anymore. This was not the end. Amelia left with decent words, she wrote letter to Clara. Few weeks later Amelia received phone call. It was male voice, and he said : “Listen bitch. Do you think you can hurt people without paycheck? I will follow you and i will smack your hypocrite face. ” It was disturbing and Amelia cried from shock, so she even invited her cousin to go with her out. She did not see nobody around her, and for few days she realized that was a threat. Clara hired her male friend to call Amelia on the phone, she could not stand that little mouse Amelia broke their friendship. It was her way to revenge.

Real faces of so called friends will show up in the time of crises and conflicts. If someone can’t accept the fact that you cut of him from your life, you can expect anything. Revenge, gossips or anger, that are reactions of people who can’t stand denials or defeat.

When someone is leaving from your life, don’t hold the door locked. Don’t follow this person if you ever respected and loved him. Sometimes we can’t save relation, no matter is this friendship or love. But, we can save our pride and memories. Do you wish that your friend remember you as an asshole? I had experiences with people who did not want to be part of my life anymore. I let them go where they feel better. There is no sense that i beg someone for loyalty, respect and attention.

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People will leave from various reasons:
Sometimes they are jealous or envious, they can’t follow your step. 


Sometimes they will not understand that you are so busy and that you can’t focus on them.


Also, priorities are changing, and they will find another friends and interests. 


Some people are not born as stable. 

 

They can’t be on one place, with one person, and they can’t hold basic relations. They are in pass, as passengers in your journey. Take the best of them and let them go.

When someone can’t follow you anymore in your journey, set him free. Nothing is worse than person who is still in your life, but because of wrong reason as condolence and fear.

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Did you give more than you get?

 

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Quid pro quo, that is an old Latin proverb. It means , give and take. If you ask for favor , i will do it, but next time i will need feedback. If you don’t want to help me i will consider you as selfish. Ask next time something from me and you will not get it.

Human relations should be based on reciprocity, as we have two hands on one body. I give you love and i expect your love for return. I am loyal to you, i will not screw you, but also i am not a fool. If you think that i am not worthy of your respect and loyalty, for sure i will know this and you will lose my affection.

Selfish person will hardly understand meaning of reciprocity. So, i am used that others please to my wishes. It comes out from childhood. Mother made cake for me but i don’t want to wash dishes. She will wash instead of me. My friend did my homework because i did not know how. She asked me to borrow her skirt, but i can’t do this, i don’t lend my clothes. Selfish person is one sided personality. That kind of person will receive, but never give for return. She has always right and only her opinion is important. As dictators in history, that people are masters and others are slaves.

Selfishness will exist so long until other will accept her existence. Sonia lives with mother even she has 40 years. So her mother is doing all kind of job in this flat, but Sonia always paint nails, read and she is princess who would make her hands dirty with such kind of work. One day mother got sick, and Sonia was forced to cook her tea and make a lunch. Then she saw her selfishness. Mother could die and her last act would be making favorite meal for Sonia.

We cannot be soft accord selfish people. They must be faced with their character. If you do accord their wishes, you will never warn on your rights and needs. Indeed, you don’t exist if your boyfriend or friend never did nothing for you, to make you happy.

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Reactions  might be various. Egocentric will swallow bitter mug.

They can make angry. What, this is thanks for me because i am your friend 10 years? I can’t guess what you wish.

They can feel guilty. Sorry, i did not know that my acts hurt you. I will try to make it better.

They will not admit. No, this is not true. I do things for you but you don’t see this.

They can ask for replacement. Well, if you are not satisfy with me, i will find another friend. I will find another woman who will make me happy. Someone will appreciate me more than you.

What is reason of other selfishness?

Simple example from virtual world. People ask for likes on their pages but they don’t want to give likes for return. Why is that?

Some conclusions:

Well, i can’t promise you return. If you wish like my page , if you don’t want no problem. 

I am famous, so you need to kiss my knees, be happy because you are my friend.

I am too busy with myself, i have no time for others.

In generally, selfishness is ugly. You do many efforts to make close with selfish person, but she underestimate you. At the end you feel as an idiot.

An opposite, when you have friend who understand principle of reciprocity, you feel as you found your lost part. You give and receive. This is spontaneously, you don’t need to force or beg, simply that person knows that you are happy with such treatment.

Give and don’t expect nothing for return is incomplete thought. Maybe you don’t expect but for sure you will be disappointed if you don’t get what you wanted. Or, you are asking in wrong place?

Who is real lady nowadays?

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Dear ladies and gentlemen, that is sentence from intro speech when you talk with publicity. You wish to express respect accord your audience, so that titles will help you to sound politely.

Who is indeed lady and does every woman really deserve this name? Recently i went to buy bus ticket because i was travelling in another city. I stand into line, forward me was a man, and few people also waited for a ticket. Suddenly, one woman run and pushed man in front of me, with words “I am in big rush” and before he opened mouth, she was buying a ticket. He said: “Madam, here is the line, you should stand here behind.” She replied : “I am a lady and i need to catch this bus.”  His response was : “You are a lady? Don’t make me laugh. Ladies don’t do this. You escaped from the jungle.”

 

I was smiling, because in his words were lot of truth. Indeed, real lady will not push people as she is from Wild West. That would do Calamity Jane, but not a lady. She could ask politely if she wanted a favor. Words “please”, “thanks” and “i am sorry” should be in dictionary of woman who consider herself as lady.

If we go back to history, in Middle age lady was noble title. That was woman from aristocracy, with manners and from high society. Ladies were princesses and daughters of  the blood royal, with their first names prefixes, for example as the lady Elisabeth.

Today, women will use word “lady” to get some benefits. This is more an excuse, i have some rights because i am a lady. How to expect from men to respect you, to bring your bags, to open you door, if you yell on them , if you are swearing and use filthy words? Your behavior should prove your attitude if you really wish to be a lady.

When i was in high school, last days were really exciting. Everyone wanted to be drunk, because it was goodbye to school days and young people were celebrating. One girl got drunk and she fainted. This image will stay in my memory, because boys drag over her body into school hallway and duster spills water over her. This girl lost her dignity. Later people talked about girl who got drunk and about her behavior which was worse than any guy.

Not every woman wants to be a lady, and this is free choice. Some of us are wild, spontaneous and nowadays this word might sound ridiculous. It is nice to see well dressed and well mannered, educated and decent woman, so you can say “this is a lady.”
Nowadays, lady should be woman with style, who knows when to stay silent, and when to speak , also she will know how to speak. This woman has balance and she gain respect toward opposite gender. Man will fall in love in this lady because she is gentle, and yet with strong attitude.

Did you use too much tact?

 

Person who is afraid of other reactions and opinions is not free. There is saying “he walks on eggs”, as metaphor for his behavior. Be careful what you say. What will people think about you? Don’t yell, don’t laugh loud, don’t cry in publicity. Pay attention how you act because people can judge you.

It is normal that we are connected with environment where we live, and society made some rules. No, you can’t walk naked on the street unless you don’t want to be in prison or in mental hospital. You can’t hit people with bottles because you don’t like them. That is violent act.

Insecure person will always take care of other opinions. Wear gloves in interactions with others because that is safe. Well, it is not right and also it is impossible to please everybody.

For example, your parents are traditional people . They believe in God. What if you find girlfriend who is an atheist? How you can represent her to your family? If you are coward or conformist you will think first about yourself. Well, it doesn’t fit in so you will leave her or suggest that she can be your mistress. So this is easier way, you will hide your passion and everybody are happy. Wolf is not hungry, sheep is still alive, both sides made agreement.

If you have character and your principles, you will say clear that you love your girlfriend and that you think serious about life with her, no matter if your parents are against. You can be isolated and in some cases maybe your parents will not talk with you, but you decided to defend your choice.

Even compromise in such situation looks like an ideal solution, this is not right. If you hide your girlfriend from publicity, she will be unhappy, she will be humiliated and soon her bad mood will forward on you. You can’t hide someone as rat in rat hole. That girl can feel as Ana Karenjina , as woman without honor.

In generally, we can’t say that we don’t care for anybody and that only our opinion is important.

We care for people who are close to us and their support is valuable for us. Just, think about bad influence on your life if you choose to please everybody. You will have thousand friends and everybody will ask favor from you because you will not deny. Then also you must have chameleon abilities, to change accord other wishes. One day you will be tough guy, other day you are romantic and soft, depends what people are asking from you.

That gloves you wear became too tight, isn’t it? You are choking because you have no space for your needs.

What you wish? What are your priorities? 

Listen what other people talk, but do accord your wishes and principles. Find this balance in situations which are important for you, because you are the one who will live with consequences of your acts.

Where is difference between good boss and dictator?

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Obligations and rights are connected. If you are obligated to do something, you have right to ask other things for return. Especially at work, workers have rights and obligations.

In generally, we are humans. If you work at office, you are educated and you deserve appropriate treatment.

Your supervisor, headmaster, boss is not a king neither dictator.

Some bosses have this kind of requests.

 

Knock at my door before you enter.

 

Check what i wrote to you, because i have no time to read what i wrote, read between lines.

 

All important places on documents should be marked with post it papers, in different colors. I have no time to read complete document.

 

Bring me coffee in the morning.

 

Can you take my bag when you are going on business meeting with me?

 

Help me with computer, i am new in this technology age, and some things i don’t know. But i am boss so why should i know?

 

I am always right, because this is hierarchy.

So let suppose that we please all this wishes. Now we need something for return.

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What we will get?

 

If you complain on your boss, go to higher boss. Higher boss will talk with your supervisor, and circle is closing. Of course, try to work harder and you will not have reason to complain.

 

If you are working on the same document or project six months, and your boss doesn’t want to accept your idea, that work will never be finished.

You must copy paste what your boss said.

 

You have problematic client? Try to be calm and reply to him or her, million times if that is necessary.

Even your client is ready for mental hospital, you must have abilities of shrink to guess his wishes.

Some bosses forgot that we live in the age of democracy.

We are not slaves. We know that nobody can’t cut our heads. Also we have brain and ideas. Just because someone is on high position, it doesn’t mean that person is the smartest and genius. It has different meaning. Boss can be person who built career on fake kindness. Right words on right time and right place and here we are. I know person who was always late at work, he had alcoholic problems. But when structure of firm changed, he was the first one who run from office to office to ask for his rights. He was orphan and victim. New people on the top trusted him so he got position as boss of the department.

If we are making mistakes we can’t judge others for the same just because our position is better.

If responsibility exist, it must be justified no matter who did wrong. We can’t punish people accord positions, so person on high level will get smaller punishment. There should not be saint cows.

Every obligation has background. Besides, how we will motivate our workers, if their salaries are small, if we don’t give them enough free days and if they must work sick or under pressure?

Underestimated person is as donkey. You can beat him, but he will still stand on one place. There authority fails, because if you don’t respect your colleague, he will not respect you either and system will fail.

What happens when your partner has double standards?

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Things which you allow to yourself are also allowed to others. For example, if you drink beer, you will not judge your friend because he is drinking beer. If you wear short skirt, you will not gossip your friend because her skirt reveals her underwear. We are humans, and sometimes we move our limits into unknown directions.

Double standards are the worst failures in one relation. Although you are jealous person,  it will not stop you to flirt around. Handsome colleague from work, your charming boss, your sexy neighbor, even this new salesman, they are all opportunity for flirting. Now, you have husband, and your business is to play role of private agent, by digging into his pockets. Does he cheats you? Maybe his schoolmate is also partner in his bed. He can’t do this to you. Now, when he asks you, why you are blinking to all handsome men , you will say “But that is my right.”

Things are always different from  selfish perspective. It doesn’t look such bad when you are doing something what is not appropriate. If you are boss at work and if you skip deadline because it was not your day, this is something which must be forgiven and forgotten. Well, what if your worker do the same thing? You would yell as lunatic, they would be fired without recommendations.

Where are roots of double standards?

Person is spoiled in childhood. Some parents will let all to their children, they will not have limits, as they had many toys and they took rights to play with other dolls and teddy bears, they will play with other feelings, but their space will be locked and protected.

Person is selfish. When you are selfish, you can’t feel mercy or guilt or responsibility for others. You don’t give a shit for other problems, because it is not about you.

Person is old fashioned. This happens in men world. Some men think that meaning of real man is real boss. So, he can cheat, flirt and break hearts, but his beloved wife will wait him at home, with warm dinner.

Person is coldblooded. If you are not sensitive, you will not hear what others want to say to you. You cannot feel that you harm someone, that someone is crying because of what you did. This is not a part of your program.

Double standards make confusion in every love relation. This is discrimination of rights, because one person will take everything and other half will be prisoner, in invisible cage.

When Chad and Kurt talked about some girls, they made good example of double standards.

Chad said: “Mona is a slut. She was kissing me at first date, second date i fucked her and what to do later?”

Kurt asked him: “But why did not you tell her that you don’t want this?”

Chad replied: “What, i am not crazy. I like to use sluts for hot sex. I will not marry her. If she can’t get it, she is also stupid.”

If you are victim of double standards, check your priorities. Maybe you stuck with someone who holds the key of your freedom. Now you can’t talk with friend, tomorrow you will not have permission to get out from your house, and next day your windows will be locked, for any case.

Are you in relation with brat?

 

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Responsibility is follower of maturity. If you are responsible, you know everything about obligations and how to deal with this. Your immaturity will hurt people even without your intentions, because they expected something from you.
Love doesn’t know for numbers and years, but heart feels immature actions. This clumsy guy left mark in your heart, because he doesn’t know how to deal with responsibility, he was immature. Problem is, women are often more mature then men. That is why older woman will have problems in relation with younger men, they are on different levels. So when women complaint that their heart is bleeding, often man is not bad, he is immature. There is a quote, if you lay in bed with kiddo, he will pee in your sheets.
So that is why we can say that immature actions are childish, without responsibility, even without thinking about consequences.
Which are signs that you are in relation with brat?
He did not came on date, even you had deal.
 
He got late on date, more than 15 minutes.
 
He talk about his previous sexual experiences, you know every dirty detail about him and his ex.
 
He is with you, but every time he is watching other women, and even comment without shame how sexy they are.
 
He talks about sex with you in front of his friends.
 
His friends don’t like you, so he wants to hide you to avoid fights with them.
 
He doesn’t want to introduce you with your parents.
 
He said he is not ready for serious relation.
 
He said that you are fat or old, without thinking that will hurt you.
 
He said that skirt doesn’t fit you or that you are dressed like whore.
 
He is yelling on you in publicity, he said to you to shut up in front of people or he doesn’t allow you to express your opinion about some topics.
 
He expects that you will pay his drinks, he forgot your birthday and never bought you gifts.
 
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Some things will come later. Boy will learn about behavior through many relations with other girls. First girlfriend will be as experimental rabbit, and possible errors will affect on her. Melisa and Raul were dating in high school. They were hitchhiking together because he was not driver, and he had no car. Nothing was hard for Melissa, he loved him, even he was 2 years older. Later, when they broke up, Raul was 21 and Melisa 23. He started to drive car and his new girlfriend Elsa was with him in the moment when Melisa was on bus station, waited for a bus. They saw her and they passed by the road with laugh. Elsa was so nasty that she shown her middle finger to Melissa. Melissa was hurt but indeed it was childish act.

When you are in relation with immature person, you are passing period of adjustment. 

It’s up to you will you wait him until he grows up or you will leave. He simply doesn’t know that something can hurt you, no matter is this lack of attention, inability to listen your problems or something bigger. Woman must be patient in such relation and also very flexible. After breakup, women will say that they don’t want to be nannies anymore or that they were wearing trousers in this relation. Older woman and younger man are in relation mother-son, if age difference is too big. She is working already, and he is still student . She wants kids, and he wish to go to parties with friends. That are huge differences. This is situation when you are dancing, and he stands on your feet, because he is clumsy.

If such couple is enough strong and patient, and if they really love each other, they must work on relation, they will have mutual progress together. This relation will develop with years or they will split. In any way, relation without responsibility is as artificial flower. It looks like flower, but smell is not here.