Napoleon complex – when authority turns off

 

Life gives us opportunities as cards. When we spent our amounts of cards, we can create more chances to stay in the game. Second choice is to give up from everything and abuse our power in the places where we can do it.

If you travel by bus or tram, sooner or later you will see controller tickets. That is usually older man or woman. They can be frustrated and angry on the rest of the  world . They will grab this chance to throw out their rage on passengers.

Once drunk controller entered in the tram. There were bunch of people who saw him and runaway quick until door were opened. The rest who stayed there were his victims.

He was red in the face and his breath had smell as trash, but still he asked for a ticket woman who were sitting near him.

– I don’t have ticket. I was in rush so i did not buy.

– What kind of behavior is this? You are travelling without ticket. What is this?

Men was yelling and his face became more red. Woman refused to give him personal ID. He has no authority to watch on her personal documents, accord Law of order it can do only policeman.  All right, this is not good to travel without ticket, because tram is not free unless you have special benefits. But, what kind of authority is drunk man who is yelling around like lion in zoo garden? What example and role model is he?

Look at this background. Some people are lazy during school time. They don’t want to learn, to progress when they have time and opportunity. Later they will not have big choice for employment and they will work from time to time. Controller job is good to fill your time when you are retired. If you are decent person, you can make agreement with people who will not pay ticket and try to convince them what is good for them. If you have Napoleon complex like this drunk man, you will grab your power to be someone at least. All what you missed in your life now is in front of you, as big stage. You can be aggressive, violent, fearless, and some naive people will maybe afraid of you. So pity you don’t have a gun, like from western movies.

Napoleon jumps out in various areas. We can see secretary who wanted to be a lawyer but she could not pass even one exam. She will yell on new employers as she is their boss. Also we can see policeman on his duty who will give lessons to young girls who were walking on the street after midnight and talk loud. This is his opportunity to teach them what is right and accord rules. This policeman never got real crime case and he can’t progress as corporal or captain, but he will give lessons to young girls about behavior. Also if you late with paying bills, you will get alert and clerk will later ring on your doorbell. He will took your television to sell on public auction. This clerk is maybe the last pawn in his family, maybe his wife disrespect him or his children make a donkey from him, but if he come on your door, watch out. He got a power, and he can be very cruel. Now you will pay , not because you are not paying bills on time. You will pay because life was so cruel to him.

We can feel something personal in act of some people.

They want to punish you not because you broke law or you late with your duties. They see big chance for personal revenge and they don’t care because this is wrong way. They abuse their position to prove their strength. If you have bad luck, this Napoleon can be your boss. You can be the best person in this world, but still he doesn’t give a shit about you, because you are here to pay your karma lessons.

How much expensive are your mistakes?

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We are born clumsy. You try to walk and you will fall. Try to swim and you will swallow water. Your heart will skip beat from fear that you can get drown.
Nobody learnt everything about life immediately, in the first moment. Some people are learning fast, others are behind them. What is in common,  people are not robots and not perfect. This means, we will do plenty of mistakes on every fields.
I remember when i wanted to learn typing on keyboard with 10 fingers. This skill of typing i needed to make my job easier. I was in mess and very slow. Later it was very useful  so it saved my time.
Mistakes are part of your life. Who will  learn, work and participate in anything can’t avoid mistakes. What is bad is judgment and contempt.
Oh, you are retarded. You don’t know this? How you don’t know simple and basic things?”
Every skill starts with mistake. You will eat bitter meal when you are cooking for a first time. You will stand on foot of your partner when you try to dance. Also, if you are learning other language, you will do mistakes with grammar and spelling.
Some people are talented for particular fields. This talent is something born with them. Sergej Jesenjin was wonderful Russian poet. Isidora Duncan was dancer. Maria Callas was singer in opera. They had special gift and they used it.
Problem is when someone is pushed into fields where he doesn’t belong.
We can’t all be familiar and celebrities. Sound of bad voice or clumsy dancing will cause laugh and mocking. Such persons are inspiration for  stand up comedy from their attempts. We must know where we are standing and not to make shame from our attempts.

What is important, if we want to progress we must keep trying. If you never try, how will you know what is your limit? Also, if you give up after few mistakes, you are indeed weak. Cry because you got bad mark? Fall in depression because your boss yell on you? Someone spit on your work? Well, deal with this as with challenge. Show them that you can.

The basic of every success is – learn from your mistakes. Update your masterpiece with this mistakes. Mistakes are warning and lessons, if you can listen and hear their message you got the score.
People who never learnt from their mistakes are still in stand by and pending position. They are frozen because they gave up or did not know what to do next.

Likability – 3 reasons why people like you

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Recently i had quarrel with my office mate. She said that everyone at my workplace hate me. I almost cried from laugh, because i am not important boss and i don’t bring crucial decisions that everyone would dislike me. Hate is strong feeling, and when someone hates you, this means that person is afraid of you, wants to be like you or simply, you have something what that person could not have. I said on diplomatic way, that i came there to earn money, not to love or hate people. For me, they are blank and i will be nice to everyone because this is my professional duty. Maybe i sound cold, but i am really not interested about their children’s poop, their problems with coughing or husbands who snores all night.

This brings me to next question, why some people try to force other’s empathy or love? Why they are desperate for likability, and what is this, indeed?

Remember your childhood, when you first time felt that your peers dislike you. Did you fit in? Maybe naughty girl destroyed your favorite doll or nasty guy hit you with ball into face, so you came at home with tears in your eyes. As teenager, maybe girls laughed to your pimples or you have been considered as nerd. As workmate, maybe you tasted bitter insults because you wear wrong clothes, you are not kind or you radiate on negative way.

So, if you are not miss or mister of popularity, should you buy shotgun and shot into your head? Maybe you try to get what indeed attract people and why someone is having huge number of friends, and you are bohemian soul.

I see three kinds of likability:

Artificial likability. 

If you are famous, not everyone is your friend. They will follow you cause you are popular. How many sincere smiles and words are on your side? Many of this things are fake, because you are rich and successful. Today they admire to you, next day they will laugh to you.

Forced likability.

If you watched war movies directed by Clint Eastwood, you will remember soldiers who sow fear. Tough general is in the center of likability, but this likability is based on fear. In the case of defeat, someone will shot him.

Spontaneous likability.

This is the best form , because people love you for what you are. You are not dependable of their opinions, you don’t ask nothing from them, but they simply love you, because your independence inspires them.

Recently i was talking with psychologist on his blog page and he asked people what is likability, how they see this value. He said that such person has deeper insight of life than in mainstream media. This brings me to next conclusion : how much internet force people to be likable for each other? When you see desperate teens seeking for likes who can’t move eyes from their cell phones, in expecting of notifications on social media, are they desperate? Or, this is just sheep race, because her classmate got 30 likes for profile photo, and she is not so popular?

Can you introduce yourself as black sheep?

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Society is covered by rules. Don’t do this, be careful with this, you should not do this. Conformists will follow this rules without complaining because they need this as orientation. This is like compass for them, how to behave if you don’t write tips. They would be lost.

An opposite, rebels make own rules which are not in harmony with rules of society. It doesn’t mean that rebels will behave against law, they will simply not fit in .

It was end of school year and children in class decided about celebration. In former Yugoslavia, all parties were with folk music, and singers as Lepa Brena were very popular. Everybody in class accepted to make celebration with bellows, but Maja said no. Sound of bellows was awful for her ears. She did not come that day in school, simply she stayed at home. They said to her that she is an awesome sausage, in Yugoslavia it was symbol for black sheep.

Maja was fan of Metallica and she stayed by her taste and attitude. Her friends were gossiped her, but she did not care.

– Why you did not come? Everybody talks about you how weird you are.

Strange, weird, odd, just some of description to mark different people. Especially in socialism, there was principle of equality. All people should be modest and equal. Just, some were more equal than others, that was real truth.

Next case happened in prom night. Sandra did not want to dance, and guys were laughing to her. Girl, and you don’t know to dance? Let me teach you. Sandra did not accept this. She simply wanted to sit and talk. Why to force her for something she did not want?

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Black sheep lives on different way.

Childhood –  i will not play with Barbie dolls because i don’t like them

Youth – i will not smoke, drink or have sex because everyone else do this

Maturity – i will not listen my boss because i have right to ask other opinions or i have my ideas

Old age – i am not sick so i don’t want to go to medical center

If you are black sheep, you are not sensitive on critics, you don’t have much friends , but you have the biggest choice. Be sure, others are envious and jealous because you have guts. You paid your price, but you got an award, to authorize your personality as brand.

Why is necessary to do changes in your life?

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How many times you heard words : “It is just a habit, quit this. ” When we stuck in kind of trouble caused by our addiction to someone or to something, we think there is no exit.

Bad friends, bad lovers, bad job? You are overweight, too shy or you can’t find friends?

Bad habit is part of every problem which should be changed. In the beginning is fear, in the middle is chaos but a the end is fascination. That is how i think when i changed some things in my life.

Bad friends were falling as domino, one by one, even just before some times i was thinking i can’t live without them. Ex boyfriends , some i could not imagine life without them, are past today. I can’t remember that story which included them.

How changes affect on us?

Feeling powerful. Finally, your life is in your hand.

Feeling stronger. Now, you are not a toy, you are person who will decide about you.

Feeling independent. Now, others will not take your life in your hands.

Feeling happy. You won over your fear and it makes you self confident and happy.

Feeling brave. At least, you develop guts.

If you stuck in the same movie with the same actors, the end will be familiar to you. You will live in the same day again and again. Even you will wonder that you are cursed, because same bad things are happening to you all the time.

Try something different. This is happiness in empty area. Now you step on into area where you did not know what is happening. You did not visit this area before. As beginner’s luck in cards or gamble, this change might bring positive result to you.  Now you are clean of poisons, judgments, you are filtered and illuminated.  This is the biggest motivation you could get.

 

Do you owe communication’s skills?

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If you talk much, you are talkative person. What is the matter, it is not amount of your words. That is skill of communication and it is based on quality . Granny who sells eggs can be talkative, but it doesn’t mean that her speech is an example for others.

What comes out from your mouth will labell you in every area. If you want to date with awesome person you need communication skills. If you want good job that is also desirable. Everyone will like to hangout with polite, talkative friend, so this is one of terms for good friendship.

What will make you good conversationalist?

1. Call your interlocutor by name. If you say “Peter, how are you today? ” it is much more respectable than : “Hi dude, what’s up?”

2. Don’t use nickname when you talk with someone, unless you know this person good. Nicknames are childish, and sign of immaturity or disrespect. Imagine that your girlfriend had nickname “Barbie” and she hated that. So if you use that word to make her angry, you are idiot.

3. Don’t yell or swear if you want to make good impression. People who yell are usually those with thin nerves or with lack of manners. If you swear, you are primitive.

4. Don’t act like smartass. If you talk with someone who can’t spell good, don’t act as his spell check. Teacher approach is not desirable. Your friend is not good in grammar? You can tell him once, but if you repeat all the time when you talk with him, don’t be surprised if he will avoid you.

5. Never use your education level to humiliate someone. Just because you are teacher, and your friend is tailor, it doesn’t mean you are better than him.

6. Don’t discriminate people by color of skin, gender or sexual orientation. 

7. Learn how to listen. Every good conversationalist knows to listen, otherwise you need a mirror, not a partner for talk.

8. Accept other opinions, if you disagree say nice why you don’t agree. Don’t use words as : “come on kiddo, you have no idea about life.”

9. Don’t push your opinion as rule. 

10. Don’t use personal details about someone as tool to hurt him or her. If you know that person is for example gay, you can’t use it in conversation to win debate.

Special kind of conversation is on internet. Social networks will reveal about person more than she wish. Only primitive people will constantly use caps lock to prove something. Many disclaimers will show that you are childish, and if you constantly bold something, your ego is bigger than skyscraper. If you use your mother tongue in conversation with foreigner, you have lack of manners. For example, person who talks with urdu language even others have no idea about meaning of this words is without basic skills of communication. Use english and you will not mistake. 

Here are examples of good and bad participants in one discussion. Laura and Elaine are both in boss positions and they use different approach.

Laura: ” You are not good in your work. Simply, you have no idea , i am torching myself with you many years. You should be fired indeed. I have no nerves to teach you basic things and i doubt you would understand this.”

Elaine: ” I think we have problems in understanding. Let’s find on half way. We should more cooperate so i will try to help you. “

Before you sit on round table, be sure that you know the basic rules of communication. Otherwise, you will give impression as cowboy who try to gather his cows. 

Are you master or slave?

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Life will put us in situations when we will play different roles. Today we are independent, but tomorrow we can lose job and someone will take care of us. Yesterday we were poor, today we are reach . Lottery won, and you are master of universe. Wheel of fortune is spinning in unpredictable directions, so you must be flexible.

Real personality of some person comes out when he suddenly got power. There is no such Viagra as success and the best examples are some politicians. Maybe they were without basic rights in past times, but today they are worse than dictators who humiliated them during their youth. Every person would be more fair if he learn basic rule. Don’t do to others anything what you did not want that they do to you. 

Keith was kind of office rat. He worked as lawyer in public service, he was one of the counselors in his department. His supervisor was woman and she treated him as slave. He was just small ant who bring her coffee and even he carried her bag when they went to some business meetings together. He was family man and his debts were big so he could not effort to leave from his workplace. It was equal to disaster, so he suffered quietly and waited for better opportunity. After 10 years, his woman boss went into retirement. New woman came on her place and Keith used this chance to talk about his problems, about mobbing and his small salary. He wanted promotion and he got it. Few months later his subordinate complained at him. He was real dictator, he corrected even the smallest mistakes in documents, he reported people if they get late on work even just 5 minutes. The top was when he started to yell on young girl who accidentally spill coffee on his desk. She left his office with tears in her eyes.

 

What doesn’t kill you might create you as killer. 


Sometimes, we swallow injustice and unfair acts from others. We can’t complain because there is no exit. Then, things are changing, we grab our chance to revenge. What when we get revenge to innocent people, because we want that someone pay ? Don’t do to others the same things which were done to you. Forget this and try to be better to others, just because you know how you felt humiliated and underestimated. You can be king with crown, not with sword in your hands.

If we will torch someone on the same way , sooner or later we will pay price. Some people are in top position, but success is not stable thing. There will always be changes on the top. Today you have big office and big salary, maybe you have villa or private plane, but tomorrow you can sit in prison and your roommate will wake you up with knife on your neck. 

Every cruelty has a message. 


You were so strong character that you handle all this and survived. You can survive bullying, mobbing, abusing and all kinds of bad treatments. Now you can do much easier task, to be nice and kind to others. On this way you will show your previous abusers that they did not manage in their intentions, they did not break you. You learnt from the worst and now you are the best.

Filthy face of money

 

Who sits at two chairs, usually falls down on butt. Sometimes we are undecided, unstable and we don’t know what we want, so this is natural process. We can mistake in this situation, when both solutions are attractive and we would like to have all, but we can’t . Imagine woman who must decide between two lovers, even she loves husband and lover, she can lose both. Or, if you are friend with people who can’t stand each other, and one of them hurt other, so you must choose which side you will take. So you still sit on two chairs because decision is tough.
The other pair of this problem is sitting on two chairs with purpose, when you realize that you have benefits from both sides.

That is politicians tool, when politician is flexible in many political groups. Simply, when one government fall , he will get position in other. Democrat, socialist or liberal, what is the matter? He will follow the wind, in which direction wind blows. The same is with singers who are on some way connected with politicians, especially in the election time. They will support those who will pay more, no matter about their beliefs.

Lepa Brena was famous folk singer in ex Yugoslavia, the most famous woman who were singing in Balkan area. She had concerts in Sofia in Bulgaria where she came with helicopter. Her movie “Let we love each other” was very popular, even her music was trashy and without artistic values, and her image was cheap, so i believe that many fashion gurus would spit on her clothes and fashion style. Later she got married for tennis star Slobodan Živojinović and during years, she became rich woman with own music production.
Recently people in my city wanted to give her street, in her honor. She had supporters and enemies, because indeed she is woman as chameleon, able to survive in every situation. During terrible war in Bosnia, Brena had cover photo with military clothes. She was wearing chetnick blouse on the cover of magazine. She justified this as she was protecting her parents and sister, who were prisoners under occupation of her city Brčko. Chetnicks are terroristic group who were killing innocent people in Croatia and Bosnia, war criminals with bloody hands.
Recently, Lepa Brena made big concert near my city and she raise the dust, because we all know very well that some of our neighbors and citizens were victims during chetnicks attack. Singer who wears chetnick blouse is suddenly heroine who deserves street in her dedication? I don’t think so.
Accord my opinion her music is cheap, without values , she is now old woman over 50 and not popular as she used to be in the past, but all this doesn’t matter. The matter is, until when we will judge people as footballer Joe Šimunić, who were punished by UEFA and FIFA because of historical greeting “For home we are ready”, which was declared as ustasha message, and besides us, ex Croatian minister of sport reported Joe to high instances? Who will report Brena, because her blouse insults national feelings and she made concert on places where innocent people were killed by the people who wear the same military labels?

That is not joke. We Croats, we are sometimes too soft. We forget and quick judge our singer Thompson, we forbid his concerts because he sing about war in Croatia, and he is considered as violent?

If we are quick to judge, to report or to blame because Croatia is considered sometimes as notorious country where young people celebrate ustashas, what is with people like Brena then?

We might put their names as titles on the street, because they were sexy singers once in the past, or because they have expert skills of sitting on two chairs?

When champions play dirty

What would you do for your success? Would you betray friend, walk over corpse or just make someone ashamed? If you humiliate someone who is more rated than you, people will finally look at you, isn’t it? If you throw egg into face of famous politician, you will warn others that something is not alright, but it depends how they will react on this.

Copa America is famous football championship in Latin America. The most interesting football match was between Chile and Uruguay. Both teams were successful in World championship in Brazil 2014. Edinson Cavanni, player from Uruguay, was good goal maker there, together with Louis Suarez. So Uruguay had good odds to go further and won Copa America. But, Gonzalo Jara had another plan. 

Footbal is a long time ago more than game with ball. There are strategies, psychological games, racism and many politicians poke nose in choice of players. Referee is also key of game, if he is unfair, he can spoil every joy. Remember Japanese referee Nishimura from football match Croatia – Brazil, where he made huge mistake with penalty which was not existed. So, during football match Chile – Uruguay, Gonzalo Jara played his game. He put finger in ass of Edinson Cavani to provoke him. How will real man react? Of course, with slap in face. Cavani slapped Gonzalo Yara and got red card. Also, Jara provoked Cavanni with sentence about his father, who made unlucky accident where young man died in car crash. It was dirty move, but Uruguay lost this match. So, part of plan was successful. After match, newspaper wrote about this, and Gonzalo Jara got his punishment, he got exit from competition. Simply, he was kicked out from Copa America. Gonzalo Jara was remembered as killer of sport. This story got name as story about God’s finger. 

His action reminds me on naughty mistress who wish to ruin marriage. She loves man who is married and she smash face of his wife. Man stays with his wife and left mistress forever. 

What is a price of dirty game?

When you go to ruin someone, dig two graves. One is for you.

Be ready for disapproval of your actions.

Be ready for punishment.

Think about that you can lose everything.

Think about how strong is your opponent. 

Few minutes for glory

What would any person do for few minutes of glory? Nowadays this question is even more harder, because progress of technology made powerful tools to reach fame in few moments. All what you should do is to be present in right place on the right time. Even yellow press will offer money for those who will caught naked Madonna, Katy Perry in tears after breakup or shameless Milley Cyrus, because all what they do is big news.

Football will fill more and more space in social networks and newspapers. This is more than game with 22 players , this is kind of show with daily comedies or tragedies. In football match against Colombia the main Brazilian player Neymar Junior got injured. Colombian footballer Zuniga hurt his verterbra and Neymar was hospitalized. 

As in every story where main actor is famous star, here are also some people who wish to grab pieces of star dust. So, that day when Neymar was hospitalized, nurse Chinta  in  hospital Fortalezi grabbed her chance to record Neymar with photo and made selfie about this event. That remain on old Rome, when gladiators in arena were fighting, audience was screaming in agony, hungry for blood and adrenaline. 

An epilogue of this story was that she was fired. I totally agree with this decision, because she hurt privacy, ethic principles of her work and made own show for publicity, based on other’s trouble. I believe that she would not be so happy and with big smile if something of this happened to her. There is old saying “what is dark for someone , that is dawn for others.” In this case, it was twilight for Chinta, because she may catch her few minutes of glory, but she lost job.

Let’s be honest to the end and admit that everyone would like to grab this opportunity, to made own tape of Neymar in trouble, no matter what you can get from this. Money, fame, atention are sweet candies. You work eight hours or more at day and now here is your golden chicken, so why to miss chance? 

Why is this wrong?

Every country has Constitution and right on privacy is one of the main rights. If you record someone without his permission, even he is famous, you break this rule.

If you work in hospital you should know more about ethic and compassion. Injured people are not experimental rabbits for internet.

If you smile at the end of tape where is a story about injured person, you talk about yourself as person with lack of intelligence. Injured verterbra is not a joke and for sure it is not reason to smile in front of the world to someone who had an accident.

For everyone who think that football is easy way to make money, that is not true. Just to compare, Brazilian model Gisele Bundchen has market value about 250-450 million euro, and market value of Neymar Junior is about 150 million euro. 

I don’t want to underestimate any work, but Gisele is not exposed to injuries during her modelling and her job is not dangerous and risky. Nowadays we can hear news about footballers who died from heart attack during match, and injuries could be so serious that it cost them career. In past, Croatian footballer Eduardo was long absent after injury of his leg and it made him out of game for a long time. 

As much football looks like easy going game, you are target that someone hurt you or take an advantage so this is price every footballer pays.