Make choice, regret is expensive

 

4ba4d-2014-110

I don’t have luck. Me and my bad luck. We will say this often when nothing good happens in our life. Then, happiness will leave track. You hear someone is knocking on the door? If you don’t open, person will leave and maybe return next time. Or never. The same is with opportunities. They are here, and if you don’t use this moment, all what is left is regret.

Ivan had good chance to work in Switzerland. He was engineer and he got offer to work on project , for good salary. He was thinking because this opportunity has a price. He should move from Croatia, together with this family, and to live in Luzern. He should left his friends, parents who were old and sick and simply to start for a new life.  After many doubts he gave up. How he will leave his city, friends from childhood and how his parents will live without his visits? He had children and they used on school, how would they fit in Luzern? He stayed at his job, for average salary. After ten years, when his factory fall in debts and director announced bankruptcy, he remembered his business chance.

Similar situation made Eva to regret. She was between two men. One was handsome, with temporary job, and other was rich, less handsome but stable and with good character. She chose first. Her life with Victor was hell. He spent her money and runaway with waitress. Eva spent whole night with postcard from Filip. Meanwhile he got marry and Eva remembered her missed chance. She wanted adventure and life with Filip would be boring, accord their view. Or maybe not? She choose Victor and it was big fail.

Every choice leave consequences.

What occupation you will choose? How about your job, life partner?

Will you quit present job and ask for new?

Will you marry for that man?

You are pregnant and you don’t want to keep your baby?

Our choice will leave mark in our soul. How could it be and what would happen if you choose different? Sound of regret is very sad. Maybe you did not have guts to risk more. Maybe your sacrifice would be too big and painful.

Regret is bad follower. If you did not choose right, try to be happy with things and persons you have. You did not recognize what is good for you, so now make your choice better and live with this.

Advertisements

Nostalgia is seductive liar

It was better before. I remember how we had fun and smile. These times will never come back.

If you use any of this sentences, it means you are nostalgic. You regret for past times and you want jump into time machine to be there again.

 

Usually, people became nostalgic by ages. When someone can’t fit in new trends or changes, result will be flashback. Often we can heard from elder people how much they were respected before. Also, if old woman look into her photo album, she will say : ” I was so beautiful, look at me now.”

Nostalgia is delusional feeling. It is not true that it was better before, maybe is easier to remember something what made you smile, to handle daily routine on better way. Indeed, people who live in the past are not progressing.

The main question about nostalgia is: “If that time was so awesome, why it did not continue?” 

C_dij2CXgAMj1Ws.jpg
This is the same feeling as when you had breakup with your love. You remember her smile and her long hair, mutual jokes and how you woke up every morning with her. This past movie is spinning in front of your eyes. Your memories are so alive that it causes tears in your eyes. You remember how that guy kissed you and gave you surprises for your birthday, how you fed swans with him and this made you sad.

Nostalgia is a liar. You remember good things and forget bad. If you live in past, you stuck on sweet memories. Did you forget how that girl spent all your money without your knowledge about it? You don’t remember when this sweet guy cheated you?

Nostalgia appears in bad circumstances. 

So, now i feel bad and i will regret for past times. It can make situation worse. Let’s look better into future. Past is black, present is grey, but maybe future is pink. Remove this grey curtain of nostalgia, your view is too foggy.

Can you fight for your aim without help of others?

If you are one of those who know how to fit in, probably you have much friends. You have team, they stand behind your back and support you. Are you strong, powerful person? Can you say to your opponents: “Take care of me, cause my team will ruin your life. ” When ex Croatian tennis player Iva Majoli divorced from ex husband, her words were : “Beware of dark, it will swallow you.” Everyone who can count on gorillas, because of money, power or any other reasons, is not alone.

On opposite side, are you one of those who defend rights alone? 

Can you stand against crowd, lonely and without background, just with your principles behind you?

Imagine these situations:

You are in bus and radio is loud. You are the only one who complain. Yes or no?

Neighbor beats his wife. Others will not interfere, but you are the only one who will defend her. Yes or no?

You have friend at Facebook who constantly tag others. You are the only one who will remove tag. Yes or no?

Someone stand in front of you when you wait for line in restaurant. Others will be silent, will you yell on him?

Your boss makes mistake in important document. Are you the one who will warn him?

It is easy to be brave when crowd stand behind your back. You are powerful because gorilla Steve will break teeth to those who dare to touch you. Well, what if you are alone? There is quote : ” Force will break woods, but mind will rule with kingdom. ” Can you win as David against Goliath? 

Sheila was fragile girl. She was victim of bullying in high school. She did not allow to guys to touch her, so they use force and cut her part of hair. She complaint to headmaster. In this moment, she did not crying. Her face was calm and voice did not tremble. She collected her hair, and spread her palm in front of headmaster, with words: “They did this to me. ” Bullies were punished and Sheila was winner, without bullets. 

Just because you have parents, brothers, husband or friends, it doesn’t mean that they will always be with you. Some situations happen suddenly, without alert. Husband is maybe at business trip. Parents are maybe old and without power. Brother is on date with his girlfriend. And you are alone, against bullies, or against rude people who wish to hurt you, with force or words. That is situation why is important to use your character, because that is image of your real power.

I had friend teenager who was so cocky because of her popularity. She had the best clothes and the most handsome boyfriends. Well, when her own father slapped her in night club, because she did not come home at time, nobody helped her. She was weak and she cried as little baby. Nobody wanted to protect her, because it was family thing.

When you stand alone, count with this:

Don’t show fear .

Don’t change your mind.

Raise your voice. 

Don’t cry and don’t tremble.

Maybe you are fragile butterfly and gorillas might tear you, but your dignity is your weapon. If you don’t show teeth at least once, you will never go far. Courage is mother of respect, so be enough brave to gain respect of crowd.

Why some women so desperately want marriage?

Serbian basketball player Miloš Teodosić recently got tempted offer from beautiful pin up girl Nataša Šavija. Girl saw his photos in newspaper, also she heard that he is famous, so she sent him public message : “I want to marry for you and to wash, iron and clean for you. I will give a birth to 5 children, all for you. ” Many men would imagine himself as her husband, but Miloš answered : “I want girl with brain, so get marry for someone else and give him five children . “

His reaction was a bit harsh, but he sent clear message that he doesn’t want pushy woman who will be with him just because of his glory. If he was carpenter, would she offer herself so openly? That is in fear of many men, that they will find girlfriend who wish their money and who will marry just to have wealth and children.

As much women are afraid that their man is not ready for marriage and children, men are afraid that they found bachelorette.

Who is bachelorette and how to recognize her?

Bachelorette is woman who know that she wants to marry before 25 or 30 years, but she doesn’t know who is her husband yet. Also, if she doesn’t manage with her plan in this period, she will make her standards lower and get marry in late thirties, for man who wish to get marry with her.

How to recognize bachelorette?

She will talk very early about her wedding gown, place for marriage and children. Maybe even after two months of relation.

She will talk about events, not so much about you.

She will make ultimatums with deadlines. 

She will talk about her friends who got married, and compare her relation with others.

She will introduce you to her parents and relatives very soon, You must get know your future family.

Women got surprised when their perfect match slips away. Also, they don’t understand that is their contribution. For sure, you can’t wait your husband for lifetime, but force is also not good idea. You are not product to offer herself with your values. Your partner has eyes and ears and he will make perception about you. Sometimes, you are simply not what he is looking for.

Here are one of the most often mistakes which women do:

I am beautiful, and nobody will reject me. So i will easy find husband.

I am beautiful so i must ask only rich and handsome husband.

I must marry until i am pretty because time is my enemy.

My mother and father will help me to find future husband. 

I don’t need to work because i will get marry for rich man.

I must push him a little, because men in generally don’t know what they wish in life.

I will get pregnant so he must marry me.

Probably Miloš smells the same trap when Nataša gave him offer. He felt like slave in slave trade. Where is his freedom of choice in this case? In modern times, women will more often use their charm to get marry, before partner propose them. This is kick in manhood, because man is the one who decide about marriage. Man will decide because he loves you, not because you are pretty, pregnant or famous. It doesn’t really matter if other thinks that you are perfect woman for him. What he thinks about you is more relevant.

Man who is in life crossroad needs space. Will he get marry or not, it doesn’t depends of bachelorette in his life. It depends about him. In Brazil, women will reject men few times, just to be sure will he try again. Unpredictable situations are better, when woman is the one who needs to say yes or no. So guy is waiting, nervous and sweaty, what will she say about his proposal. When man feels fear of losing, that is sign that he cares. Don’t torch him too long, but don’t jump on him on first hint that he wants to get marry.

Bachelorette might fall in one more trap, trap of flirting and sex. So, man will say yes on first sight, just to get sex and when this is over, he will runaway. Who can blame him, when he felt caught ? So in this case, Nataša got honest answer and save her time.

When is time to stay quiet?

C9M28nJXkAAtKqW

Do you know when is good to stay silent? When is time to shut up not because someone told you this, just because this is better for you.

If you are professional you will know how to avoid conflict with boss. 

Smile and say yes , then leave the office and do it on your way.

Make a blink with your eyes that you understand the point and don’t make further discussion.

Say that you did mistake and that next time will be better. 

Even silence might look as personal defeat, this is very wise skill for victory. This brings good results in personal relationships, in friendships and marriage.

I always thought that my neighbor is not so intelligent when she claps hands on her husband’s actions. He was grumpy, hasty man with harsh voice. Earthquake would be good name for him, because Earth was spinning when he started to yell. She would listen to him with smile on her face, until he finished his speech. Then she would say : “Ok dear, now you will drive me in shopping. ” This man would do this, on my surprise. He had feeling that he is a boss, but indeed he was Samson and she was Delilah. She was sneaky and toady, and he was fair but rough.

Silence is cuddle for ego. If you listen what other person has to say to you, you give her chance to talk. If you don’t push yourself in first plan, you show to the other person that she is a boss. After person sleeps in her victory, it is your turn to look forward your points. Smart woman will avoid battlefield and after storm passes, she will ask for husband what she needs.

We are not the same and not everyone nerves are strong. This skill is good for calm, phlegmatic characters. If you are hasty and hot tempered, as me, you will have to pretend. This is not easy but sometimes is good to get your score.

For me is the hardest thing to say i am sorry, i apologize, i do wrong. I bite my tongue, squeeze my teeth and swallow all poison. Next time i must get satisfaction on other way because this is not me.

It helps at work where people are hypocrites. They will say nice things to you and gossip you under back. You will know this and instead to attack them you will smile and say that your boss has good haircut today or that your colleague did great work.

This is like in Alan Ford , when you see cloud over head where is gun and you will imagine how to shot someone in this could, but indeed you will smile and say nice things as part of your strategy.

Are you afraid that someone else will replace you?

C-ZyZufUMAAsoIq

 

Competition is pain in the ass. Once when you feel that someone replaced you, your ego is wounded. Dignity is under question and you can ask yourself why is that other person better than you and what makes her/him so special. How to get back in the game ? Are you senior like in tennis, who wish to defeat younger players with your big experiences? Or, you will just let it go and make peace with destiny, because your time is over?

Friendship, job and love are three spots where is replacement possible, and in all areas this could be painful. So, your friend doesn’t think that you are cool anymore, and he found new team? Your boss got rid of you because he needs fresh brains? Your husband abandoned you because of younger woman? Yes, you might feel as shit, because all what you did before is not enough to keep you in surface, you are swimming surrounded by sharks and they will eat you each moment.

Where is salvation ? Molly gave example of person who faced with her fear of replacement.

Molly survived many situations in her life where people treated her as second violin. She had team of friends in neighborhood, but when new girl came all accepted her because she was so cool, and Molly was not interesting anymore. Also, her best friend Alice always dated with guys who were chosen by Molly at first, and Molly felt as she was stolen. Molly got job as intern in one law firm, but they did not keep her cause she was too rebellious. She did not want to follow their rules as they thought, she had some unusual ideas and it was her end.

One day Molly was in another situation where she could be replaced, and her alarm turned on. She finally found good boyfriend, but his female friend  called him all the time on his phone. It was friend from childhood who once loved him. Molly knew she could lose him, so she imagined the worst situation of breakup, cried and said to him that he must decide between his friend and her. Her boyfriend chose Molly , with warnings that she can’t control him and that she will talk with friend not to call him so often. Then Molly realized, that replacement was her biggest fear, her nightmare, and that her behavior is indeed the key of solution. She stopped to fear that she will lose everything in her life.

Time is cruel. It works in shifts, so suddenly you will not be enough smart, beautiful or useful. You will not be popular. That is the reason why Madonna likes to cooperate with young singers and kiss them in mouth, because she wants to keep enemies closer. She will steal pieces of their youth, as reflection of glory. She wants to shine forever, but for this collaboration is necessary.

What to do, if you don’t want to be replaced:

Be original.

Do something what is only yours. Be the only person who can do it something on successful way.

Be faithful, loyal and respectful.

Believe it or not, this values are forgotten nowdays. Loyal person is hard to find because everyone has his price.

Accept younger colleagues as refreshment, not as treat.

Show that you are not afraid. If you gain fear, this is nail into your coffin. 

Have backup plan in the case of trouble.

Say to your competition that you have joker in the pocket, even you are bluffing.

People will find you as interesting person this moment when you have another option. Nobody likes despair or to be the last straw.

If you are victim of replacement, think about how long you can last. Are you creature with deadline? No, you are not hamburger or pizza. It must be something else. Probably you play with open cards from the first moment, you love people to much, you give too much and never keep your secrets private. Probably everyone knows everything about your privacy or your life can be googled at internet. Did you ever said no or you rejected to do something for your special people? If you gave too much, you are already used.

Irreplaceable people never discover everything, even when they lose. They are unpredictable and mysterious. They know to whom they will trust and to whom they will turn back. They will do much for their friends, but never everything, because there is border between good person and fool.

Book for all women who lost hope in finding partner

You can find it here for symbolic price:

http://www.lulu.com/shop/kristina-gallo/the-best-skills-of-seducing-for-every-woman-you-have-it-but-never-use-before/ebook/product-23304977.html

I would appreciate review. I wrote this book , which is indeed collection of my best blog posts accord this topic, for all women who are not self confident. Lack of trust in yourself is the main barrier to find a partner .

This book is divided on three problems:

Women who think that some men are out of their league.

Women who are desperate for being single.

Women who think that persistence in searching men is a value. 

Seducing is not just outside work on hairstyle, makeup and suitable clothes. Seducing start with mind and control of desires. Why to put all cards on the table immediately if you saved ace in the sleeve? How to seduce guy on internet?

Answer on all questions are in the book.