If it is not on Internet, it never happened

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If it is not on Internet, this event never happened. If you travel somewhere, celebrate anniversary with husband, celebrate birthday, put your photos that whole world see this. Otherwise, your life does not exist.
I remember when i opened my sister’s diary and found something fishy, and later she got angry at me. Nowadays, when you open someone’s Facebook and find something fishy, person will get angry cause you did not press like or make comment.
I noticed that people forgot difference between secret and private.
Oh, you are married? I did not know that. It has been two years since i got married and some people at my workplace still questioning how i changed my surname. No, i did not share photos at my official e-mail, i did not bring cakes from wedding, i don’t talk about mother in law when i wait lunch at business restaurant. Simply, i think, this is my business. It is not their business, and at least it is not Internet business.
How many times i saw private talk on public statuses, husband and wife who are arguing in front of their thousand friends, photos of their children and kitchen? Once woman from Venezuela wanted to share photos of her family in tag, in my page. I said her, i have my life, and this is my website, with all respect, keep photos of your family for your close friends. I don’t want to see it. I am not jealous, envious or rude, i just have my boundaries, and i don’t need photos of your son who is playing in the mud with other children.
The best marriages and relations were made in silence. It is not kind of silence where you hide your partner. It is kind of silence where you don’t talk about your conflicts in public, where you don’t notify your friends about your private details and when you have this happy smile on your face because you put your privacy under lock.
Once i read about tennis couple , Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, who were always private couple. They were not jumping out with every photo of their kids, with every kiss and hug. Or to made porno video, as Kim Kardashian, to earn money from this.
The meaning of love is sacred. If i had conflict with my husband, this is between me and him. We will sit and talk, we will cry or scream, we will make peace. I never wanted to hear public advices as “He is not worthy of you, find better ” or “This is not good for you, i feel this. “
People are not always trustful. Many of them will celebrate your fall or they will not care. People love drama, but not because they wish to participate, they wish to have fun and gossip. If you give them gossip material, they will laugh to you under your back.
One Friday evening my neighbors had terrible fight. Woman was crying, her husband was yelling and they smashed something, i don’t know, i heard noise. When i saw that man few days later, i just said hello. I did not ask him about noise, crying or drama. It is his personal thing. As my husband said: “If he falls on our balcony,  we will call police.”
Technology progress did not give us much private space. We see other’s underwear, dirty socks, untidy rooms, unhealthy food. We see fat women who wish to be x plus models cause this is popular. We see even scenes from other’s funerals.
I always support curtains over private life. What is between two people is not show for audience. People are not paying my bills neither sleeping with me, so that is my right.
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It is possible to be alone in relation

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Once my hairdresser asked me: “Do you have boyfriend?” I said yes, and she said with deep sigh: “Thanks God, because if you never had boyfriend, it would not be all right with your sanity. “

That  provincial judgment made me smile, cause relation is not guarantee for happiness, neither is loneliness sign of misery. Do you know how is to feel alone in marriage or in relation?

At first sight, everything is nice because you pleased social conventions. Formally, you are not alone and you are worthy accord standards, because you have someone. If you look at this deeper, you will find many things under shinny surface, which are not so fairy .

In romantic movies two people met each other, make love and got married. Then they get children, have little conflicts because of breakfast, dog or furniture, make peace and live together forever. In real life such story has no logic. Relations are hard and marriage is hard, especially if two people are not in collaboration.

Logic question for any unhappy person in marriage would be: “Why don’t you leave him or her?” There are many reasons, including financial, why is that not possible over night. It takes time, nerves, money and it leaves pieces of broken heart, damaged trust and dead hope.

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Well, how is to feel alone in relation?

You make plans, and partner is silent.

You have problems at work and want to talk about this, your partner is ignorant.

You came home from work and want to make love, your partner is sleeping because he is tired.

You want to watch movie together, but your partner has no energy and will to comment with you.

Did you ever feel that you want to escape from reality and wake up somewhere else, where you will not see grumpy face and dead shine in eyes of your ignorant partner, where he will not blame you for his frustrations and where some dark stranger will hug you to forget everything?

In the movie “Purple rose of Cairo” Mia Farrow got lost in her dreams and she enter into movie screen to be together with her favorite actor. Later she realize that imaginary world is not hers, that is even worse than reality. Just, she learnt to grab courage, and she is leaving her nasty boyfriend who can’t do even small house work without her help.

The point of one sided relation is lack of courage. You live with parasite who suck your blood and you feel sorry for him but he will not say thanks for this.

Don’t feel alone in relation when you can be alone single. I had relation where i was alone. Guy called me every third day, his phone was busy when i needed him and i did not know am i in relation with him still because he never said that he will break up with me.

That is how syndrome “alone in relation” works out. That is sneaky cancer which attack your soul, bite you inside until it grabs your heart and make pieces of it.

Is your single status benefit or burden?

 

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If you are single, some people will pity you, others will make jokes and it depends of you how to handle this. Differences between single and taken status are visible in friend circles. Couples will have prejudices about single people, as they are always available and free for others. Single person sometimes feel as black sheep in group of couples, because in coffee bar is always free chair for someone who is not here yet.

If you are single, is this burden or benefit?
Take a look at your list of benefits.
You pay bills alone and you don’t share money with anyone.
 
You are not victim of jealousy.
 
You can go on striptease bar, beach party and football match without discussion with your better half.
 
You can flirt around without responsibility that you will hurt someone.
 
You can make mess in your bedroom and kitchen and nobody will complain that you are untidy.
 
You can listen music and watch movies accord your taste.
 
Remote control is yours.
 
 
Workplace is area where single people can’t feel comfortable because bosses will often dig into privacy of their employers. On other hand, single people will make own attitude to justify their status, and sometimes attack is the best defense.
Jenny is single, and she  compared herself with her female boss, who was in marriage. Her argument was next:
“She is constantly nervous because of her children and husband. I am happy and i smile because i have peace at my home. I don’t care for school problems, for choice of lunch or any such shit, because i can do all what i wish. “
One day Jenny and her boss had conflict. Her boss asked her to work overtime, and Jenny rejected this.
Her boss said: “What kind of reason you have not to stay? You are single, you don’t need to take children into kindergarten. “
Jenny replied: ” I also have life, more filled than yours. I am member of  book club and my friends are waiting for me. Then i go to the gym. “
Being single is a burden in some situations. 
You wish to go to wedding party but you have no escort.
 
You want to travel but you afraid to go alone.
 
You have vacation, but there is no person which you wish to spend it.
 
You are ill and nobody will visit you at hospital.
 
Married men want to have you as mistress.
 
Your friends want to pick partner for you. 
 
 
Being single is not social disgrace, but it depends about people who surrounds you. It is not pleasant when all around you are in couples, and you are alone and on the target. Imagine yourself in the middle of attention if you come to visit granny in some village, and you are over 30. “Oh honey, you are old maid. Where is your husband? Are you too picky? Are you lesbian? “
Some single people will make kick back. They will say :
I would rather be single than to have stupid wife or husband. I don’t envy you. I would not marry such person even if she is last in this Earth. “
You know the best what to do with your status. If you need space, air to breath or some time, you will enjoy as single, to collect your mind. If you are desperate for being single, don’t let others to notice that. Searching person because you are lonely is wrong reason for relation.
If you date with someone and you say something like this : ” I can’t stand my loneliness, that is killing me.”, this person will afraid and runaway. You are single and happy with yourself, and your possible partner is not your savior. He is your bonus because you can take care of yourself.

How people lie at first date?

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Truth is naked, and lies are well dressed. Do we always want to hear naked truth, without imagination, just straight into face?

There are so called white lies, sweet ways to avoid truth or to make truth more beautiful, with some updates.

Men and women use different lies. When we start to know special person, we want to expose ourselves in best edition.

Men wish to expose themselves as brave heroes, rich entrepreneurs or candidate for stable relation, so they add some stories to their CV.

 

Men will say:

 

1. i have fast car

 

2. i have well paid job and good education from university

 

3. i was with many women, all were crazy for me, but you are special

 

4. i travel around world

 

5. i have very good business connection, my boss indeed eat from my hands

6. i broke teeth of some bad guys

What is the truth?

 

1. i stuck between credits for my car and house, i will be without money soon

2. i hate my job but i need it to survive

3. i am looser because all my ex broke up with me, or i don’t have much experience in love, i am virgin, i had only 2 women in my life etc.

4. i was never outside of my country

5. really i am intruder and nobody at my work don’t even notice me

6. i runaway from hooligans

 

So, if you had first date, what would you prefer? To know naked truth about guy who is indeed looser, or sweet lies ? That guy must have good insurance that you will wish to see him again.

 

Well he lies about his car, about his salary, maybe even about size of his penis and his skills in bed. But maybe you will found out that he is creative and able to deal with every situation, so it will be your challenge. On other hand, guy who represent himself as looser will be denied on first step. Imagine you met guy who says :”I live with my mother , she is retired and paralyzed and she gives me money for survival, i had no sexual experience during 3 years, and i am dying to see you again.”

 

Nobody likes despair, so it will be turn off. Real truth is somewhere in the middle. We women are asking for potential, ambitious guy who will show courage to deal with hard reality. Even we can forgive him lies later if he is able to change his present life.

 

Women like to represent themselves as pure so they will lie about number of sex partners. Also they will lie about ages, natural look and relations.

How women say lies?

 

1. i had sex only with one guy 

 

2. i am 20 or 25 year old (in fact 30-40)

 

3. my color of hair is natural

 

4. i don’t use much makeup

 

5. lies about weight and height are also on the top, high heels and belly belt will do good  deception , so woman can look slimmer or taller

6. i rejected many guys cause i am picky


What is the truth?


1. i slept with few guys before you

2. i am not so young

3. my hairdresser is responsible for my styling

4.  i will not get out from house without lipstick

5. i was on many diets

6. there is a long time since someone invited me at date

Women will lie with clothes, makeup, even with tears. What would guys prefer? To see woman without makeup on first date, without fancy clothes, and that she admit to him her sexual experience? “Yes, i slept with two best friends, i had few one night stands, but that is a life.”

 

Men doesn’t want to get rid of his vision about innocent women so fast. They want sleeping beauty from fairy tales, and later she can expose her real truth.

So, yes, truth is honest , but lies are here to protect us – at least at the beginning.

Who is manipulating us?

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The oldest and the most dangerous weapon in human nature is not anger, rage or wrath. That is ability of manipulation.

We can see results of manipulation on every corner.

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1. beggars on the street – have you ever wonder who is that person who ask you for money, is he/she really so poor? What people see is superficial view. We can see mother and her child , how she begs for coins.Where is father of this child and where is social service? We can’t help poor child with giving money, because mother is not responsible one. Responsible mother would find a job or a man who will take care for her. This kind of mother is asking for compassion, condolence, not solution how to get out in this situation, because she is lazy to work or because she is afraid to face it with her problems. On that way she uses innocent child to manipulate with crowd.

Also i know woman who educates adult son , an invalid in chair, and she ask for a money around, that she can buy packet of cigarettes.

 

2. ex partner – when relation or marriage is over, still all cards are not on the desk. What is left to disappointed person is manipulation. He/she can say “i will make suicide”, “because of you i need to visit shrink” or similar explanations. And of course, you will be concerned. What if that is true? And you will take care for ex partner and you will spend more and more time to make your conscience calm, because you are guilty. On this way your present partner can take a lot of pain, especially if you have kids and they need your attention.

 

3. people at work – there is a syndrome of hot potato. Person who will avoid work will act like with hot potatoes, hit them to others. So there will be lot of excuses. “i am sick, i can’t work, i have sick mother i must take care of her, my child had flu”. Other people will work for such person because of compassion, feeling of duty, and that person has control over them.

 

4. cruel boss – some people rule with fear. He/she can threat to their employers with smaller salaries and other penalties. And they will afraid not to lose job because they have bad financial situation.

 

5. sexy mistress – sex is very powerful weapon. Man who has no much pleasure at home, can take it on other place. So sexy secretary, sexy nurse with stockings and high heels, who would resist?

 

Manipulation is as fatal woman. Beautiful outside and dangerous inside. Manipulation can seduce every mind, it is just necessary to discover weak spot. Once when your weak spot shows up, you are next victim of manipulation.

Book for all women who lost hope in finding partner

You can find it here for symbolic price:

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I would appreciate review. I wrote this book , which is indeed collection of my best blog posts accord this topic, for all women who are not self confident. Lack of trust in yourself is the main barrier to find a partner .

This book is divided on three problems:

Women who think that some men are out of their league.

Women who are desperate for being single.

Women who think that persistence in searching men is a value. 

Seducing is not just outside work on hairstyle, makeup and suitable clothes. Seducing start with mind and control of desires. Why to put all cards on the table immediately if you saved ace in the sleeve? How to seduce guy on internet?

Answer on all questions are in the book.

What if your love is not enough?

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Do you know legendary sentence “I love you , but love is not enough?” This is the point of every unhappy love story, starting from Romeo and Juliet until nowadays. As much we wish to believe that heart can hold gentle construction of love story , we must keep our mind on the ground.

What happened with your past love stories? Can you say that you did not love enough your ex boyfriends or that they did not love you enough to stay together? No, that is not the reason why you are today with someone else. If we could measure our love beats, we would stay with each of our lovers until nowadays.

The background is something different. You might not stay with love of your life, but you will stay with man who is the most resistant and persistent partner. You will stay with the one who supports you in your craziness, handle patiently your failures and criticize you even he knows you will throw bricks at him. Maybe your ex boyfriend was too weak or too nervous to deal with you and he found easier way with another woman. Maybe you were too much for him, but it doesn’t mean that he did not love you.

What are the most often reasons, why love is not enough ?

Imagine that you bake cookies and you have all ingredients, but you forgot sugar. You have cream, oil, milk, flavor, even fruit, but you can’t find sugar.

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This is kind of sugar in this story, why feelings of love are not enough to keep love alive:

You are too far from each other.

He is from another city or even another country. Time could break your relation .

You are too old or too young for him.

Differences in generations could break relation. If you are woman 10 or 15 years older. If you are man much older than your love.

Lack of money.

No, i don’t talk as gold digger or material girl. If you have partner who reject to earn money and just sit at home waiting for you to buy him beer, you are in troubles.

Your partner is cheater or womanizer.

You think you can change him? Go ahead and hold pieces of your heart together.

He is an addict.

Addiction of alcohol, drugs, medications, gambling are dangerous vices. If you stay without money, in debts or embarrassed in public, love will not be enough.

I am not saying that obstacles are invincible. I wish to say, it is not enough if you only love your partner. You must be strong, stable, firm and ready to lose him in every moment. You must be ready to stay alone. This is your sugar ingredient which misses in your cake. If you have substitute for this sugar, if you pretend that you did not notice your empty spot in this relation, if you forgive all failures to your partner, this cake will leave bitter taste in your mouth.

Poor Romeo, if he only had enough patience to wait Julliet to wake up. If Rose from Titanic had more logic to hold Jack in this small board, maybe both would drown or survive, but she would not stay with guilt of conscience alone. Poor Othello, if he would only take a breath before strangling Desdemona, he would realize that he did not have reason for his jealousy.

This is only because love was not enough to hold relation alive.