It is possible to be alone in relation

17021742_481592695563386_2929045630433809915_n

Once my hairdresser asked me: “Do you have boyfriend?” I said yes, and she said with deep sigh: “Thanks God, because if you never had boyfriend, it would not be all right with your sanity. “

That  provincial judgment made me smile, cause relation is not guarantee for happiness, neither is loneliness sign of misery. Do you know how is to feel alone in marriage or in relation?

At first sight, everything is nice because you pleased social conventions. Formally, you are not alone and you are worthy accord standards, because you have someone. If you look at this deeper, you will find many things under shinny surface, which are not so fairy .

In romantic movies two people met each other, make love and got married. Then they get children, have little conflicts because of breakfast, dog or furniture, make peace and live together forever. In real life such story has no logic. Relations are hard and marriage is hard, especially if two people are not in collaboration.

Logic question for any unhappy person in marriage would be: “Why don’t you leave him or her?” There are many reasons, including financial, why is that not possible over night. It takes time, nerves, money and it leaves pieces of broken heart, damaged trust and dead hope.

CzoBCSbUQAA_0Y2

Well, how is to feel alone in relation?

You make plans, and partner is silent.

You have problems at work and want to talk about this, your partner is ignorant.

You came home from work and want to make love, your partner is sleeping because he is tired.

You want to watch movie together, but your partner has no energy and will to comment with you.

Did you ever feel that you want to escape from reality and wake up somewhere else, where you will not see grumpy face and dead shine in eyes of your ignorant partner, where he will not blame you for his frustrations and where some dark stranger will hug you to forget everything?

In the movie “Purple rose of Cairo” Mia Farrow got lost in her dreams and she enter into movie screen to be together with her favorite actor. Later she realize that imaginary world is not hers, that is even worse than reality. Just, she learnt to grab courage, and she is leaving her nasty boyfriend who can’t do even small house work without her help.

The point of one sided relation is lack of courage. You live with parasite who suck your blood and you feel sorry for him but he will not say thanks for this.

Don’t feel alone in relation when you can be alone single. I had relation where i was alone. Guy called me every third day, his phone was busy when i needed him and i did not know am i in relation with him still because he never said that he will break up with me.

That is how syndrome “alone in relation” works out. That is sneaky cancer which attack your soul, bite you inside until it grabs your heart and make pieces of it.

Advertisements

Do you believe in love at first sight?

DGtOczTW0AEJnX1

She is very nervous because she has an appointment. She is walking fast and suddenly someone is on her way. What is even worse, coffee to go is in her hands. Suddenly here is crash, her head hit into head of handsome guy. She wanted to kill him, but their eyes met and that is the beginning of love story.

Such stories we can see in romantic movies. Love at first sight is connection between two strangers. It happens on way that sparks appear between them in one moment, even they never met before.

What is truth, and what is only legend in love at first sight? First, can we tell that we immediately love someone we recently met?

Eye contact can produce sparks, and if person of opposite gender is staring at you longer than is polite, you got new fan. There is statistic, you have four minutes to develop conversation between you and desirable person. If that conversation is short and if you need to drag words from his/her mouth, that person is not interested.

Women like to believe at love in first sight.

Why is this fairy tale so popular? 

Here are some reasons:

You don’t make much efforts to search for ideal partner. There is no need for calling, stalking, spy on him on internet or clubs or at workplace. He will just come one day in front of your nose.

Your love is written in the stars. So, just wait, it will for sure happen because that is destiny.

Your pride and ego are safe. Now is no need that you beg your friend to introduce you to someone, don’t need to ask phone number or to seduce guys with your short skirt or smell of perfume. He will come to you anyway.

You have good reason to be unavailable to anyone else. Now you are waiting your Prince charming , and everyone else has no chance. He will be recognized in your eyes.

Love at first sight is easy going event. No need for any obstacles, all will be perfect, you just relax and wait. What is indeed true?

 

 

You can feel physical attraction on first sight and there are many people who had sex for one night. This is energy, you want to do it. You simply like that person so you feel free to suggest that.

Real love will never develop for few minutes or for a short time. That is just good start, intro in something good to happen later. What will be next is not so predictable. You kissed him and that kisses were unforgettable, but will he call you again? How can you be sure that your meeting was so fatal that he will call you tomorrow?

In real love, we can’t be sure how this story will develop later. But, we will take a risk because person is worthy of try. Love is kind of silent deal, we will continue this, so let’s see about future. That is why is connection at first sight good kind of intro. You skipped all annoying procedures and now when you got certain signs, that is motivation for next chapter.

Some my friends said that in the start all was beautiful, and things went on wrong path later. How is it possible that prince “loved” you so much in first date, and later he chilled out? Love can’t fade over night, so we need to learn how to read between lines.

This feeling is similar as you were drunk. You will have dizziness, your face will blush, heart will skip a beat, and your voice will tremble. That is first love attack, it hits very strong. Later, things will change. After some time you will know is this real or not.

Don’t be so disappointed if things will not go as you expected. That is kind of carnival. Beautiful masks and dance, after people show real faces. Some are pleasant and beautiful , some are ugly. That is reality. So, when you catch some eyes on you, enjoy until it last and be ready for all options.

Nostalgia is seductive liar

It was better before. I remember how we had fun and smile. These times will never come back.

If you use any of this sentences, it means you are nostalgic. You regret for past times and you want jump into time machine to be there again.

 

Usually, people became nostalgic by ages. When someone can’t fit in new trends or changes, result will be flashback. Often we can heard from elder people how much they were respected before. Also, if old woman look into her photo album, she will say : ” I was so beautiful, look at me now.”

Nostalgia is delusional feeling. It is not true that it was better before, maybe is easier to remember something what made you smile, to handle daily routine on better way. Indeed, people who live in the past are not progressing.

The main question about nostalgia is: “If that time was so awesome, why it did not continue?” 

C_dij2CXgAMj1Ws.jpg
This is the same feeling as when you had breakup with your love. You remember her smile and her long hair, mutual jokes and how you woke up every morning with her. This past movie is spinning in front of your eyes. Your memories are so alive that it causes tears in your eyes. You remember how that guy kissed you and gave you surprises for your birthday, how you fed swans with him and this made you sad.

Nostalgia is a liar. You remember good things and forget bad. If you live in past, you stuck on sweet memories. Did you forget how that girl spent all your money without your knowledge about it? You don’t remember when this sweet guy cheated you?

Nostalgia appears in bad circumstances. 

So, now i feel bad and i will regret for past times. It can make situation worse. Let’s look better into future. Past is black, present is grey, but maybe future is pink. Remove this grey curtain of nostalgia, your view is too foggy.

Why some women so desperately want marriage?

Serbian basketball player Miloš Teodosić recently got tempted offer from beautiful pin up girl Nataša Šavija. Girl saw his photos in newspaper, also she heard that he is famous, so she sent him public message : “I want to marry for you and to wash, iron and clean for you. I will give a birth to 5 children, all for you. ” Many men would imagine himself as her husband, but Miloš answered : “I want girl with brain, so get marry for someone else and give him five children . “

His reaction was a bit harsh, but he sent clear message that he doesn’t want pushy woman who will be with him just because of his glory. If he was carpenter, would she offer herself so openly? That is in fear of many men, that they will find girlfriend who wish their money and who will marry just to have wealth and children.

As much women are afraid that their man is not ready for marriage and children, men are afraid that they found bachelorette.

Who is bachelorette and how to recognize her?

Bachelorette is woman who know that she wants to marry before 25 or 30 years, but she doesn’t know who is her husband yet. Also, if she doesn’t manage with her plan in this period, she will make her standards lower and get marry in late thirties, for man who wish to get marry with her.

How to recognize bachelorette?

She will talk very early about her wedding gown, place for marriage and children. Maybe even after two months of relation.

She will talk about events, not so much about you.

She will make ultimatums with deadlines. 

She will talk about her friends who got married, and compare her relation with others.

She will introduce you to her parents and relatives very soon, You must get know your future family.

Women got surprised when their perfect match slips away. Also, they don’t understand that is their contribution. For sure, you can’t wait your husband for lifetime, but force is also not good idea. You are not product to offer herself with your values. Your partner has eyes and ears and he will make perception about you. Sometimes, you are simply not what he is looking for.

Here are one of the most often mistakes which women do:

I am beautiful, and nobody will reject me. So i will easy find husband.

I am beautiful so i must ask only rich and handsome husband.

I must marry until i am pretty because time is my enemy.

My mother and father will help me to find future husband. 

I don’t need to work because i will get marry for rich man.

I must push him a little, because men in generally don’t know what they wish in life.

I will get pregnant so he must marry me.

Probably Miloš smells the same trap when Nataša gave him offer. He felt like slave in slave trade. Where is his freedom of choice in this case? In modern times, women will more often use their charm to get marry, before partner propose them. This is kick in manhood, because man is the one who decide about marriage. Man will decide because he loves you, not because you are pretty, pregnant or famous. It doesn’t really matter if other thinks that you are perfect woman for him. What he thinks about you is more relevant.

Man who is in life crossroad needs space. Will he get marry or not, it doesn’t depends of bachelorette in his life. It depends about him. In Brazil, women will reject men few times, just to be sure will he try again. Unpredictable situations are better, when woman is the one who needs to say yes or no. So guy is waiting, nervous and sweaty, what will she say about his proposal. When man feels fear of losing, that is sign that he cares. Don’t torch him too long, but don’t jump on him on first hint that he wants to get marry.

Bachelorette might fall in one more trap, trap of flirting and sex. So, man will say yes on first sight, just to get sex and when this is over, he will runaway. Who can blame him, when he felt caught ? So in this case, Nataša got honest answer and save her time.

Don’t be delusional about breakups

C_avs0mV0AEp6L9

Breakups, we all know everything about it. Someone kick you out from his life or you cut off someone from your life. That should be the end, isn’t it? Can you break up after break up? Like you bury the same dead man twice.

 

Abandoned person sometimes live in illusion that everything will again be the same. The worst part of this sad story is denial. What if person can’t let you go? Here comes the situation when you are smiling again, breath again without rock in your lungs, when you can walk without chains in your feet.  Suddenly, he appears again in every corner.

Even when he found someone else, he says “she is not like you, it is not the same”, but he doesn’t want to admit that he did wrong thing , he has no courage to start it again. He wants to sit on two chairs. One chair is safe, this sweet girl who will care for him and wipe his ass, and the other, this is you, the other who were challenge for him and he could not forget.

 

One of excuses is that you don’t fit into his life. You are not appropriate. I think that every guy who choose girl by his conscience, to please society, is very unhappy guy. When heart made choice, it will accept only one person as loving one.

World is full of people who got married because it was practical idea, it was wish of his mother, society or financial agreement. Who cares for the heart?

 

That kind of losers wants to have both, wild mistress and cute wife, so that they can please their wishes on both side.

 

I believe in old truth about love. The one who loves you truly will never stop loving you because of some interest, because it was not good time or his nerves were broken.

Love doesn’t recognize excuses, apologies, terms. You love or you not love. Every other feeling might be sorrow for something you missed, desire, unfilled dream.

So be careful when you love, and don’t make yourself or other person to play role of victim. Be brave and face it with love.

Real love is naked and simple. That is why we said “i love you.” Not “but i don’t know what to do, give me time, time will show”.

When you love someone, do not hesitate. There is word “not now”, and next following words are “too late.”

Are you princess who lost shoe?

 

Independent person is gift for others. Many people love to say, i am independent, i don’t need anyone. In the case of struggles and problems, this statement will be confirmed or denied. It is easy to say that you can do all alone when all is going well.

What happens in the case of storm in your life?

Suddenly, you broke and you need money, are you independent now?

Your boyfriend left you and you will call friends?

You got fired?

Your close family member is sick?

Being independent means that you lean on your forces, your previous experiences and that you will not give up.

Ask yourself, do you expect that high force will help you ?

If you expect granny with cookies in front of your door, you are wrong. Success never comes to lazy people. Maybe you will get some surprises, but happiness is not permanent and soon all what you get for granted will turn into big bill. If friend found job for you, he will ask you to return him favor. If you got luck in something, soon you will fail on other side. Happiness is not free and it is not serious approach to lean on happiness.

I had friend who always need man to help her. First was her father, when was cold outside and she was travelling by train, he came on train station with boots for her. Second was her husband, he earned money and then hire her to work for him. I want to say, it is easy to progress when all the time someone watch your back.

You know this kind of women who cry when they don’t get what they wanted? Some men are naive and they fall on their tears . These women are always victims and they are dependable of protection. She broke heels, she can’t walk. This guy offended her, let’s beat him. That kind of powerless princess is indeed calculative. She knows that is not necessary to take care of herself, cause others will do this.

Myra is woman in middle age. Her mother lived with her and her husband all the time. So, mother got sick and died. Unfortunately, Myra never learnt to cook. It was her mother’s job. So now she and her husband try to live without mother’s help.

When you are dependable, life punish you with test. Will you earn money alone? Will you cook and clean without help? Can you walk by foot, not to bother others to drive you all the time? Are you Cinderella who is asking for a prince because she lost shoe?

Such persons use others in every opportunity. I don’t say that you must do all things alone. Sometimes you will need help. Just, when request for help become manipulation and when favor became order, this is not fair situation.

Especially, if you are not willing to help others , never, because you are the one who is priority.

Did you deal with third person in your relation?

C2VsiA3XEAAPlxu

When we love, our desire is focused on one person. We don’t want to share this person with others, and that is why we don’t like competition. This is in human nature, to defeat, eliminate, even destroy every competitor or rival, because they stand on our way to happiness.

Before we exhume war cleaver, we must be aware that competition is not the main problem. If you have problem in relation, you can’t blame other people, because your partner is the one who is with you. You sleep, eat and share life with him or her, not with others, so if something went wrong, discuss that with owner of your heart.

Many women think wrong that problems will disappear if they get rid of their opponents. Yes, that Sheila bitch wanted to steal my husband, but if i kick her ass , we will be happy. Now you get rid of Sheila, Rebecca, Annie and all those trash, but your partner is still cheating you? If you saw movie “The other women” with Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann, you will get the point about unfaithful partner. Such person don’t care for anyone, just for yourself.

What kind of competition can stand on way of our happiness in love?

Ex partner. That girlfriend or boyfriend are still here, maybe in our neighborhood, but you meet them and every time you see person, something stuck in your throat. Why they are still alive?

Best friends. Yes he told you that Mabel is his colleague from work, and that Nadine is his friend from high school, but you still don’t believe him, because he share messages with them , he drink coffee with them and you feel that they steal his attention from you.

Fictional person. Your partner maybe joke with you how he dream about perfect women, but every time you see example of his standards, you will feel as shit. That is matter of your self confidence.

What are the most stupid things you can do, when you afraid of rivalry?

Send sms or emails to your rival.

Call them.

Gossip them around.

Try to wait them in ambush and beat them.

Accuse them that they involve in your relation, even they have no idea about this.

Of course, sometimes you can have right, that someone really want to invade in your privacy. That woman really want to seduce your husband or that man wants to sleep with your girlfriend.

What will you do?

Talk with your partner and check the facts.

Deal with your partner together, how to stay away from that person.

Tell your partner that you feel unpleasant, that you are concerned. If he cares, he will stop negative emotions by his actions.

Relation is based on mutual feelings, harmony and agreement. When you two are together and your actions are mutual, nobody can stand on your way. This moment when something happens behind your back, something went wrong. This is alarm call. It is not invitation that you must kill other woman, this is moment when you need to talk with your partner. If he doesn’t care, this relation is dead.