Couples in vacation – how to deal with unpredictable obstacles?

 

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Recently i read in newspapers about couple who had argument on vacation. They took free days and spent holidays at the sea, but whole week was rainy so they could not realize their plans. After vacation they complaint to each other why they spent money and free days, when they did not have quality time.

The point of every relation is not to celebrate only good moments.
All is nice when people passionate make love and earn big money so they can share joy and victory. What will be when you step into black days? Problems are test of every relation, because the point is how to dance on the rain when you expected sun. Sometimes, you will be sad because of partner’s behavior, you will be so mad at him or her that you will swear the day you met them. If you will give up from relation so easily, you should change partners every time when something goes wrong. People are not shoes, so you can’t throw them in garbage when they are not useful anymore.

Sources of love delusions are different. What you heard, read or saw somewhere else doesn’t guarantee that the same will happen to you.

Where is anchorage of such thinking?

Love novels will talk about happy couple where two beautiful and rich people got married and live happily until the end of their lives.

Romantic movies will show perfect couple in bed , how they have breakfast with juice, coffee and roses , until they whispering sweet words to each other.

Your neighbor or best friend will talk about his husband as perfect one, but other part of story, when the had argument or say ugly words, you will never know.

It is ungrateful to compare your love stories with others, because you are not in their skin and you don’t know what is behind their experiences. Who is asking for perfection, i am afraid that will not happen.

Now let’s get back to the beginning of this story. What to say about that couple that they were lazy, without sense for imagination and without passion? You can swim on the sea during the rain and enjoy in waves , because that is cool experience. You can swim in hotel pool if you wish refreshment and you are afraid to go out. If you don’t want to spend more money, you can go on terrace and drink vine , smile to each other and make a fun from bad weather. I remember that i ruined shoes because i went with my boyfriend on the open party during the rain, and that i was barefoot after this, but i laughed so much that i forgot this trouble.

Some people will make celebration from usual day, others will not have joy even in own birthdays. If you are flexible you will find source of happiness even during the storm, and if you are dull and grumpy, you will not notice rainbow.

That is why some people after vacation say : “Oh i am so disappointed. It was not what i expected. ” This disappointment doesn’t come out from life circumstances. It comes out from them. You can’t stop the rain, but you can bring umbrella to protect yourself. It depends of you will you be a part of summertime joy, or you are just pawn in summertime sadness.

You can tell me about your personal experiences, what’s went wrong at your vacation and how you deal with it.

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Are you in relation with brat?

 

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Responsibility is follower of maturity. If you are responsible, you know everything about obligations and how to deal with this. Your immaturity will hurt people even without your intentions, because they expected something from you.
Love doesn’t know for numbers and years, but heart feels immature actions. This clumsy guy left mark in your heart, because he doesn’t know how to deal with responsibility, he was immature. Problem is, women are often more mature then men. That is why older woman will have problems in relation with younger men, they are on different levels. So when women complaint that their heart is bleeding, often man is not bad, he is immature. There is a quote, if you lay in bed with kiddo, he will pee in your sheets.
So that is why we can say that immature actions are childish, without responsibility, even without thinking about consequences.
Which are signs that you are in relation with brat?
He did not came on date, even you had deal.
 
He got late on date, more than 15 minutes.
 
He talk about his previous sexual experiences, you know every dirty detail about him and his ex.
 
He is with you, but every time he is watching other women, and even comment without shame how sexy they are.
 
He talks about sex with you in front of his friends.
 
His friends don’t like you, so he wants to hide you to avoid fights with them.
 
He doesn’t want to introduce you with your parents.
 
He said he is not ready for serious relation.
 
He said that you are fat or old, without thinking that will hurt you.
 
He said that skirt doesn’t fit you or that you are dressed like whore.
 
He is yelling on you in publicity, he said to you to shut up in front of people or he doesn’t allow you to express your opinion about some topics.
 
He expects that you will pay his drinks, he forgot your birthday and never bought you gifts.
 
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Some things will come later. Boy will learn about behavior through many relations with other girls. First girlfriend will be as experimental rabbit, and possible errors will affect on her. Melisa and Raul were dating in high school. They were hitchhiking together because he was not driver, and he had no car. Nothing was hard for Melissa, he loved him, even he was 2 years older. Later, when they broke up, Raul was 21 and Melisa 23. He started to drive car and his new girlfriend Elsa was with him in the moment when Melisa was on bus station, waited for a bus. They saw her and they passed by the road with laugh. Elsa was so nasty that she shown her middle finger to Melissa. Melissa was hurt but indeed it was childish act.

When you are in relation with immature person, you are passing period of adjustment. 

It’s up to you will you wait him until he grows up or you will leave. He simply doesn’t know that something can hurt you, no matter is this lack of attention, inability to listen your problems or something bigger. Woman must be patient in such relation and also very flexible. After breakup, women will say that they don’t want to be nannies anymore or that they were wearing trousers in this relation. Older woman and younger man are in relation mother-son, if age difference is too big. She is working already, and he is still student . She wants kids, and he wish to go to parties with friends. That are huge differences. This is situation when you are dancing, and he stands on your feet, because he is clumsy.

If such couple is enough strong and patient, and if they really love each other, they must work on relation, they will have mutual progress together. This relation will develop with years or they will split. In any way, relation without responsibility is as artificial flower. It looks like flower, but smell is not here.

How Murphy’s law surprises us?

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When something is bad, don’t worry. It might be worse. Everybody has one of that days, when everything is going wrong.

 

You get up and spill hot coffee on your white dress and then you must clean mess and get late at work. There you will meet grumpy boss and hysterical clients. When you finally can go to lunch pause, food in business restaurant will be disgusting and someone will sit near you to talk about work during you chew this bitter meal.

You will think that someone hit you with spell or made woodoo doll, but this is just bunch of negative circumstances. This is an opposite of what you wish because you sent wrong energy to universe, and universe reply you back with bad events.

Can we block our good luck? Yes, we can do it unintentionally.

Sheila wanted that guy Tony so much, and he was not cold toward her, but she had one unwanted admirer at her workplace. Brian was her roommate and it was hard to work with him, he gave her compliments about her looks, he was staring at her so she was blushing every time when he entered into office. Soon, she became very nervous.
She had date with Tony but she came at cafe bar under stress. Tony noticed that Sheila is grumpy.

– What is today with you sweetie?

– It is Brian again, i can’t work like this, he is jerk, moron and everything the worst. He commented my perfume , that it smells so seductive.

– Don’t pay attention dear, he will stop.

Sheila was too angry, and the main subject of that date was Brian. She could not focus on Tony even she wanted to be with him so much, so Tony left from this date because it was annoying for him. Sheila blamed bad luck, but she did not open gate to happiness. She was focused on problems all the time and it was no place for smile and good news.

When you practice Murphy’s law, you will open way to bad things in your life. It is hard to ignore problems, but if you think about something good, bad things will be more at background. Don’t make things worse, if it can’t be good at the moment.

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Murphy’s law is label for unhappy people, pessimists and losers.

Try to get rid of this bad mark with smile. No, you are not under spell, that is just bad day which will pass soon. You are not the only one, and probably everyone you met had the same experience. You attract what you feel, and if you feel angry, probably you will spill juice or jerk will send you to hell without reason.

Don’t let your belief to defines you. Despair and fear are not winner’s points when you try to make success. I

f you can’t on other way, pretend that everything is all right. Fake it until you make it.

Do you ignore your partner to prove who is the boss?

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I used to say a long time ago that ignorance is deadly weapon against your rivals , and sword in the heart of your beloved ones. If you want to hurt person, ignore her. If you want to get revenge, use ignorance.

Now imagine situation when you are in relation and you have certain expectations from your partner. You wish to share daily problems with him. You wish to smile to stupid jokes and to get opinions about something you did or said. Your partner should have skills of listening, because person who can’t listen is deaf with purpose, and such partner is ignorant one.

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How ignorance works out in relations?

You send him long text, he reply with disclaimer or short sentence.

You talk about your day, he just say ok and yes.

You call him and your speech is long, and he is just numb on other side or say something as “we will see. “

You realize that he did not listen you carefully, because he asked question which is already answered.

You talk with your partner, and he stares in other people at the street.

Can you tell me about your reactions, what you do when you feel ignored ? I passed through this so many times. I was smashing plates, yelling and insulting my partner because ignorance is his strategy when he is angry on me or he can’t forget some my sins from past.

Ignorance is cold sword. It says a lot of things with silence . Here is the message :”You are not worthy of my time and efforts. You are irrelevant. I want my peace and you are destroying it so here is the wall for you. “

As i wrote in one of my articles, ignorance is useful when you wish to get rid of someone or to get revenge , as paycheck. In this case, when you share life with person who use ignorance as backup, it is not funny anymore.

We are not all the same, so sensitive characters will rarely use ignorance. When you are emotional, hot tempered, you will not use cold sword. You will make fire and use guns, all will burst loud. If you are rational, cold blooded, pragmatic, you will use ignorance.

Ignorance is ice which should be melted on gentle ways. I used to smile, talk sweet or use my patience, but i have no always nerves for this. Hard day at work, annoying people in traffic and partner who ignores you at home, isn’t that too much?

Ignorance is one of reasons for infidelity. Ignored women are very easy target for playboys. How much times i hear this story, he did not pay attention to me, so i found someone who did this.

When you are alone, when you feel your partner doesn’t care do you cry or you will jump from the window (because he knows you will not ), seed of hate is spreading as poison through your body. You wish to slap this person, who turns you back? You wish to yell that all people know with whom you are living.

One day one man smiled to me and bought me drink in club, in front of my partner. He was gorgeous and very kind. He kissed me and next what i saw was my partner who pushed him into floor. Guards separated them, but i did not feel embarrassed.

Never ignore the one who loves you, because while you use your stubborn attitude to prove your principles, someone else will hug and kiss your partner to show you what you took for granted.

Who are social martyrs?

Life meals are sometimes bitter. It is not that everything is sweet as milk and honey. If you raised in happy family maybe life spared you from miserable moments, but the grudge will wait you later. Humans are on this world to taste fish oil because this is indicator of their firmness. Pain and sadness are not welcome guests, but some people will represent themselves as born to be unhappy. In some sick way, they enjoy to be martyrs, because this is the way to keep attention.

Do you know someone who is big martyr? Colleague from work, mother in law, your dear friend or even wife?

Typical day of every martyr starts like this:

I must wash laundry because nobody will help me. I must cook lunch because my family will be hungry and they will yell on me. I must stay overtime at work because i will get fired if i don’t do this. I can’t watch my soap opera because my husband is watching football. I must make dinner for my guests because i owe them, last time me and husband were invited in their house. What they will think of me if i don’t invite them for return?”

 

In the eyes of martyr everything is black. Life is one big pain and martyr is stigmatized person who must do all bad jobs, because others expect this from him. Everyone must give confession to martyr, that he is the person who were walking on thorns with his first steps.

What kind of problems martyr never solves?

Martyr is person in bad relation. He knows this, but he stays there anyway.

Martyr is woman who never get marry because she is afraid to get out from status quo situation.

Martyr is person who stays at bad work until retirement because everyone feels sorry for him and this is his kind of feed for soul.

Martyr is son who lives with his mother because he is not able to find a job and pay own flat.

Martyr is mother who cook meals and wash laundry for her adult kids because they could not do it alone.

Jade is woman with health problems. She takes pills , painkillers , because her pains in back are unbearable. She doesn’t want to go to private doctor because she needs money for other things. She doesn’t talk with her sister and brother for a 10 years, because they took her big part of family inheritance. She never forgive them how they acted at court when her father died. She is not without friends and people wish to help her, but she rejects every favor, because she doesn’t want to be treated as poor woman. But, when someone ask her about her life, she used to say : ” Everyone abandoned me. I don’t have any help from people. They avoid me because i am old and poor. ”

Martyr is kind of manipulator.

How does it happens?

Martyr use 4 kind of deadly weapons:

Guilt.  

Conscience.

Condolence.

Empathy. 

If you don’t help martyr, you will feel guilty. If you feel guilty, your conscience will warn you and you will not sleep well. Then you start to feel condolence and your sense for empathy is awake.

That is how Helen did. She was old nasty widow. She had many people who were indeed her servants. One man brought her things from shopping mall every day. Other servant was woman who cooked her meals, for small money. The next was woman who was drinking whiskey with her and listened her problems, to make her company. Helen was nasty, but nobody complained, because she was old and helpless widow. That was her ticket for paradise, to be blessed as martyr. Once someone rejected to help her, and Helen said: “How can you be so cruel to old and weak lady as me? ”

When someone acts as martyr, that is lack of self-respect . Also that shows laziness and conformism. Person will lean on others even she marked others as culprits. If you live with helpless mother in law or you work with colleague who never finish his work and you must to it for him , you share life with martyr. In this case you are servant, and they are masters. Read between lines when your colleague ask you to help him with unfinished task. ” Help me, you know how to do this”, indeed means ” I don’t want to do it alone because you will do it instead of me. “

Don’t touch his heart if he is not into you

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The biggest lie which man can say to you is “I will never fall in love.” Translation of this words would be: “You are not the right woman for me. ” It sounds better if you think that guy is simply cold or without heart, and your ego will be less hurt if you think that he can only have sex with women, without feelings. This trap is often , as an excuse when guys want to break some relations or avoid obligations.

Love is unpredictable and it is impossible to resist when arrow hits your heart. Eric was one of big players in his youth. He broke hearts of many girls. They were running for him, crying, even one of them threat him with blackmail, but nothing could force him to fall in love. Then he met this girl Diane. She was independent and busy with so many things, she did not have time for relation. They were friends but nothing more. Once they even had sex and other morning Diane left him a note that she is in rush, she went to business seminar in other city. First time in his life Eric lost power and control. Where she left and why she left, it was kick into his ego. He realized he falls in love, and he did many efforts to win her heart.

Love makes people more fragile and without control. Until we are single, our views are not misty. Under influence of love, weakness will come out to rule with our actions. Love will melt even the most coldest heart. When woman is not the chosen one, she will try to believe in her own lies.

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What kind of excuses women wish to believe, when guy is not the right one?

He is not ready for love relation because he is dedicated to his work.

His ex girlfriend hurt him too much.

He just want to have sex with women and nothing more.

He is asexual and spiritual type. Love doesn’t exist for him, he is religious and he loves only God.

He said that i am too hard to get for him.

Men who wants to avoid women tears will use nice words as explanations why they don’t want to stay with some women. They wish to get rid of feeling of guilt, and to sleep peacefully. In this case, honest and tough guys will give more favors to women, if they admit that they are simply not interested. Smart woman will know the real meaning of this sentences. They kindly say to you that you are not the right one.

The truth is that some men will fall in love harder and not so often. Some men are on distance with feelings, but it doesn’t mean they will never fall in love. As much you wish to get key of his heart, when he starts to make excuses why he is not ready, make it easier and say that you understand all. Give him wink and go forward with your new love stories.

Middle solutions are not good deal

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Life is big tasty cake. People will gather around table to grab the best pieces. Some will take the best parts, others will take only what is left. Who will be the winner? Winner is not person who is faster than others. This is person who reject to take crumbs. 

Everyone wish the best for himself. Beautiful woman, good job, lot of money, nice house. Do you wait granny with plate and cookies or you take some efforts to realize that? Or, you are satisfied with middle solutions? We can’t have everything, but some things we deserve.

Love is area where middle solutions are just comfort. Sometimes, our heart is willing to accept middle solutions because we love someone too much to let him go. We can’t take this eraser because we will suffer.

 

What are middle solutions in love?

I don’t love you so you can be my friend.

I like you but i don’t love you so you can be my mistress.

I want you in my life but not in the way you wish so call me sometimes.

Middle solutions are crumbs. They are destroyers of pride and dignity. Why you take this from guy who underestimates you, if other guy would offer you much more?

Besides, if you are satisfied with crumbs, you will live whole life with pieces. Others will realize their dreams, you will watch other ‘s success and something inside of you will make you frustrated. This little worm is digging into your soul, why you let yourself to live like this?

Big changes need big cuts, the same as you need to throw crumbs if you wish to get whole cake. It is familiar feeling when you love someone so much that you will accept him in every circumstances. 

When you will wake up?

When you see that he respects and love other woman. 

When he is ready to take stars for her, and you are just number for him.

When he is rude or cruel with you, because you are his nothing.

Life is movie, and you are one of actors. What is your role, on the stage or in background? Do you wish to watch others eternally how they take things in front of your nose until you are in the corner?

When someone say to you “life sucks”, be sure this is person who missed his best opportunities. They disappeared in cloud of smoke. So close, and yet so far away, because he had no guts to take whole cake.