A man who uses every opportunity

 

If you are one of those women who think that your man will change, you are wrong. Even if it is, you are not the one who will change him. He will be changed by own decision or circumstances in life, or he will stay the same, but with another skin.

When man has ability as chameleon, he is step forward. He can be ready for all surprises and he will be able to rule with all situations.

Amanda was rich daughter and her parents were masters in small city. She was cocky, glamorous and somehow cruel, so many men were afraid to approach her. Hugh was poor guy without parents, he was earning for life by fixing cars and motorbikes, and he lived in rented flat. They met in gym and Amanda captured his eyes at first moment, when she was exercising at Treadmill, by guidance on her coach. Hugh involved in their conversation and give her few advices, how to keep form. Amanda was interested for this rude guy, because he did not care for nice manners and he was not impressed by her at all. At least, he didn’t show this immediately. She was the one who asked him to drink coffee together. The rest was history, Hugh became member of rich family in period of one year.

Her father did not accept Hugh so easily, so he got task to open his private business, with his help and investment. Hugh was under magnifier of whole family, so he learnt few foreign languages just to please them, he learnt to eat on fancy way and to dance and play golf. Amanda could say that she changed him , but it was not true. When she was not near him, Hugh was again in his favorite pub with drinking buddies, and easy waitress.

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Women are used to say : 

“I learnt him how to act decent. His mother did not do good job in childhood.”

“I changed him, he is not looking at other women anymore.”

“I forced him to leave his idiot friends. They had bad influence on him. “

“He is now under my control.”

All this are misleads. Men will do what they like, you only think that you are creator of their new life. They stopped with old ways because they got tired and it became useless for them. Maybe they hide their old habits and they come back in old life from time to time. This is something you can’t know.

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Are you ready to be honest?

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Honesty is value which everyone wants, but not everyone is able to handle. This is kind of mirror with two sides, and once when mirror is looking at you view is different. I was often judged because i speak on honest way, i don’t know how to pretend. Even if i tried too, my facial expressions would show opposite.

So recently my colleague complaint that i never ask how is she, i never knock at her office door. She said: “I could die and you would not know. ” I replied: “Well i am sure someone would notify me about this. “She said to me: “I like your way, you always know what to say. “

She accepted my honesty even it was not sugarcoated. This is not always the case, so try to be honest with some people, they will say you are bad mannered, rude, cruel and so on.

Just, what kind of offers we get from people who constantly praise us?

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We never know where we are standing with them

We can hear the same compliments for our rivals.

We can notice that compliments are based on pattern “good, sweet, very well. “

I could say to that lady that i love her much, that i feel sorry cause i did not check up on her, that i am bad colleague. Instead of this i said that was on my mind, because workplace is not place for personal therapy and i am not obligated to knock at her door.

Many relations would end up before if couples would be honest. Many friendship would be tempted if friends were honest. If guys were honest, many women would not accept one night stand.

So, we are indeed hypocrites. We talk about honesty but we enjoy in lies. We allow critics but expect compliments. We ask for truth but we are hungry for sweet words.

Where you will find honesty?

In situations when person has no other choice. She know someone other will tell you, so she must tell truth.

From your enemies and rivals. They will not lie about what they feel.

From someone you know very long time. My partner will not lie to me, so if i look bad in some clothes, he will tell me.

To accept his precious appearance of honesty, at least you must be brave person with strong attitude. You need to handle defeat, critics, dirty mouth. You don’t have to feel bad because someone dislike you. You should feel bad if you can’t handle that someone closes you door.

 

Are you cautious person?

When you get burn, you will blow on cold. Bad experience is alert, and your red alarm will open light anytime when troubles are on the way. This is kind of warning, don’t repeat the same mistakes again. Even repeating is mother of knowledge, if we stuck in the same traps, we are wasting our time. How do you feel screwed from the same person or with same situations again? Like fool.

Roxanne learnt from past experiences. She had violent boyfriend and her blue eye or broken nose were reminders. Many time she justified how she hit into door or how clumsy she was , but once when she get out from this, apologies were unnecessary. Her next boyfriend try to hit her during conflict, and she left him another day.

Somehow, when we pass through boomer situations, next similar event will cause our flash back. I was hitchhiking and i had unpleasant experience, so there is no chance that i would do it again. It was before 10 years or more, and i surprise to myself how i was brave or foolish. Then i lost fear, but now i got warning. This happen in maturity, when you start to feel that is not recommended to put yourself into troubles, if there is easier way to solve problems.  Playing role of hero is not always brave act, sometimes is stupid. If you see that two men are in street fight, will you involve into this if you don’t know them? If you don’t want to be damaged, better not.

When we are careful, we will protect ourselves.

What does it mean?

Sometimes you will refuse to help your friend because it is against your interests.

Sometimes you will not give second chance to people who hurt you already.

Sometimes you will give up from some opportunity, for the sake of someone else. You like this guy, but you are not single so you will not accept his invite for dating.

 

When you are careful, it doesn’t mean that you afraid of risk or that you are closed in the box. Simply, you need time to think about and reconsider this offer. If you think that is smarter to stay away, do it. People can say : “You are coward.” That is not true. For example, i don’t want to travel alone in foreign country to meet with stranger who invite me from internet. I am just careful.

Some battles are not worthy of fight, others need time and adjustments, and sometimes is the biggest victory to stay calm until storm pass. That is difference between childish behavior and maturity. Kids never think about consequences, and mature persons will have kind of Libra, to think about good and bad sides of the same situation.

If we accept everything what this life offers, it is like we are walking around with binding eyes. We can crash with bad people if we act like blind mouses. Careless person is like bat, flying around until she hit into wall.

Our inside alarm should be always turn on. Look at this red button , this is your alert, that you are not doing something right.

Are you princess who lost shoe?

 

Independent person is gift for others. Many people love to say, i am independent, i don’t need anyone. In the case of struggles and problems, this statement will be confirmed or denied. It is easy to say that you can do all alone when all is going well.

What happens in the case of storm in your life?

Suddenly, you broke and you need money, are you independent now?

Your boyfriend left you and you will call friends?

You got fired?

Your close family member is sick?

Being independent means that you lean on your forces, your previous experiences and that you will not give up.

Ask yourself, do you expect that high force will help you ?

If you expect granny with cookies in front of your door, you are wrong. Success never comes to lazy people. Maybe you will get some surprises, but happiness is not permanent and soon all what you get for granted will turn into big bill. If friend found job for you, he will ask you to return him favor. If you got luck in something, soon you will fail on other side. Happiness is not free and it is not serious approach to lean on happiness.

I had friend who always need man to help her. First was her father, when was cold outside and she was travelling by train, he came on train station with boots for her. Second was her husband, he earned money and then hire her to work for him. I want to say, it is easy to progress when all the time someone watch your back.

You know this kind of women who cry when they don’t get what they wanted? Some men are naive and they fall on their tears . These women are always victims and they are dependable of protection. She broke heels, she can’t walk. This guy offended her, let’s beat him. That kind of powerless princess is indeed calculative. She knows that is not necessary to take care of herself, cause others will do this.

Myra is woman in middle age. Her mother lived with her and her husband all the time. So, mother got sick and died. Unfortunately, Myra never learnt to cook. It was her mother’s job. So now she and her husband try to live without mother’s help.

When you are dependable, life punish you with test. Will you earn money alone? Will you cook and clean without help? Can you walk by foot, not to bother others to drive you all the time? Are you Cinderella who is asking for a prince because she lost shoe?

Such persons use others in every opportunity. I don’t say that you must do all things alone. Sometimes you will need help. Just, when request for help become manipulation and when favor became order, this is not fair situation.

Especially, if you are not willing to help others , never, because you are the one who is priority.

Who is manipulating us?

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The oldest and the most dangerous weapon in human nature is not anger, rage or wrath. That is ability of manipulation.

We can see results of manipulation on every corner.

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1. beggars on the street – have you ever wonder who is that person who ask you for money, is he/she really so poor? What people see is superficial view. We can see mother and her child , how she begs for coins.Where is father of this child and where is social service? We can’t help poor child with giving money, because mother is not responsible one. Responsible mother would find a job or a man who will take care for her. This kind of mother is asking for compassion, condolence, not solution how to get out in this situation, because she is lazy to work or because she is afraid to face it with her problems. On that way she uses innocent child to manipulate with crowd.

Also i know woman who educates adult son , an invalid in chair, and she ask for a money around, that she can buy packet of cigarettes.

 

2. ex partner – when relation or marriage is over, still all cards are not on the desk. What is left to disappointed person is manipulation. He/she can say “i will make suicide”, “because of you i need to visit shrink” or similar explanations. And of course, you will be concerned. What if that is true? And you will take care for ex partner and you will spend more and more time to make your conscience calm, because you are guilty. On this way your present partner can take a lot of pain, especially if you have kids and they need your attention.

 

3. people at work – there is a syndrome of hot potato. Person who will avoid work will act like with hot potatoes, hit them to others. So there will be lot of excuses. “i am sick, i can’t work, i have sick mother i must take care of her, my child had flu”. Other people will work for such person because of compassion, feeling of duty, and that person has control over them.

 

4. cruel boss – some people rule with fear. He/she can threat to their employers with smaller salaries and other penalties. And they will afraid not to lose job because they have bad financial situation.

 

5. sexy mistress – sex is very powerful weapon. Man who has no much pleasure at home, can take it on other place. So sexy secretary, sexy nurse with stockings and high heels, who would resist?

 

Manipulation is as fatal woman. Beautiful outside and dangerous inside. Manipulation can seduce every mind, it is just necessary to discover weak spot. Once when your weak spot shows up, you are next victim of manipulation.

5 reasons why friendship end

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Do you have problems with finding new friends? You are not extrovert, not popular or simply your standards are high? Maybe you are bohemian and simply, you don’t need much friends.

Or, you will not enter in other’s asses, just for the sake of friendship. Now we come to the next category, do you have problems with keeping friends? How many of your friendships broke with years, and do you still remember old friends with tears in your eyes?

When Hemingway said that “man is not an island” he did not count on new technology, as computers, cell phones , i-phones and similar modern toys. Nowadays any person might gather much virtual friends, with ability to delete and block anyone who cross limits of good taste. So, we could be lonely islands, but with electronic updates.

If you are one of those people who ask “what is wrong with me?” when friends leave you, don’t be desperate. Friends are as flowers, some are just for one season. You will smash your head with questions why dear people left you and forgot that for one dance takes two.

When friend say “goodbye”, this is also breakup, as in love relation. Difference is, you will not miss physical touch and kisses, but you will miss daily coffee, bowling, shopping, gossiping or all other nice things you were doing together.

There is no universal recipe how to keep friend.

Some people will sacrifice own priorities just to gather many friends, but in their background are many compromises. Do you think that your x friend is so happy because he has so many friends? See how much obligations he must do toward them. Call me weird, but when i come at home from my work, i like to rest on my bed without phone ringing, and even more, everyone who rings on my door is not welcome, unless is someone i dealt few days before.

Don’t mix word antisocial with word selective. You are not obligated to smile with everyone, to explain why you bring some life decisions or to brag about your privacy.

I was thinking a long time why some of my friendships failed. I was too selfish? I was too busy? As time flow, i realize that it became less important. When new people fill space in your life, you will not remember previous ones.

If you lost friend, maybe something of this happened:

Distance.

You had no time for friend, because you moved in another city, found new job or got married.

Disloyalty.

You found out that your friend is not so trustful as you thought. You shared secret and someone else know it too.

 

Disrespect.

Your friend did not respect your husband, wife, parents, children. All this happens when people forget that friends come in package with their families, other friends, partners. When you discriminate someone’s wife or husband, how such friend can like you?

 

Envy.

You did progress in career. You found your soulmate. Your friend is still searching, but your happiness is spit in his face. He see you as treat.

 

Different priorities.

You were inseparable as teenagers, but now your interests are different. So you don’t play football in local club anymore, you don’t drink beer with local gang or ride bike in free time. Now you are member of golf club or literary section. 

You don’t have to make conflict to lose friends. Sometimes, life circumstances will show you that you grow up before your friend did. Sometimes, end of friendship is ugly as breakup. Mutual judgments, skeletons from closet , bragging about dirty laundry. Once upon a long time ago you were happy buddies. Today, he is only shadow from your past and you don’t want to remember him.

Do you follow some patterns when you choose partner?

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Saturday in the night club, usually noisy crowd and one table in the corner.
Barbara, Jack and Sue are talking about relations.
All are single and their love stories had unhappy ends.
Barbara: Why i always meet wrong guy?
Jack: Why all women left me?
Sue: I am under spell, i know it, i did not give coin to beggar last week, and he cursed me.
They have mutual problem, how to meet right partner for relation.
Barbara : I like macho guys but they are always hurting me.
Jack: I like blondes but they want only my money.
Sue: I like romantic guys but i always meet those who have protective mother and there is no place for me.

They are asking partners with one key, one pattern. 

 

Their partners are always the same, because they will fall in love in various persons with the same qualities. Accord their choice, they will make always the same mistakes in attempt to keep that kind of person in relation. Their love story always have the same end, with some updates.
Barbara: It is not problem in them, i am masochist.
Jack: I like when i can buy things for my ladies.
Sue: I love to take care for my guys.
Your wish is my command, said Alladin’s ghost and make it true. If you pick partners who remind you on each other, you have the same pattern. 
Barbara : It is time that i start dating with romantic guys.
Jack: I need to find woman who has own salary.

Sue: I will find guy who will take care for me. Enough to be boss and mother in this relation.

After this troubles, they had only one thought, how to avoid same examples in the future.

 

If you change the view, new chances and new circles are opening. If you stuck in the same crowd, you will hardly get out from something what is indeed not for you. You might think that you can change someone, or that you need to change yourself to be perfect match. No, you are looking in wrong direction. Think about why some people are together , and what’s connect them. They did not train to be bonded. It simply happened.

So, what you really need to change is your love pattern.

Stop run for wrong guys, because remember that something is similar to all them. Did not they all make damage to you in past? How about that you try something new? This is the same when you vote for same politicians every years and they disappoint you.

Try new pattern, choose sweet guy from neighborhood for a change, instead of rough macho type . It is not easy, but at least give yourself a chance to swim in new sea.