A man who uses every opportunity

 

If you are one of those women who think that your man will change, you are wrong. Even if it is, you are not the one who will change him. He will be changed by own decision or circumstances in life, or he will stay the same, but with another skin.

When man has ability as chameleon, he is step forward. He can be ready for all surprises and he will be able to rule with all situations.

Amanda was rich daughter and her parents were masters in small city. She was cocky, glamorous and somehow cruel, so many men were afraid to approach her. Hugh was poor guy without parents, he was earning for life by fixing cars and motorbikes, and he lived in rented flat. They met in gym and Amanda captured his eyes at first moment, when she was exercising at Treadmill, by guidance on her coach. Hugh involved in their conversation and give her few advices, how to keep form. Amanda was interested for this rude guy, because he did not care for nice manners and he was not impressed by her at all. At least, he didn’t show this immediately. She was the one who asked him to drink coffee together. The rest was history, Hugh became member of rich family in period of one year.

Her father did not accept Hugh so easily, so he got task to open his private business, with his help and investment. Hugh was under magnifier of whole family, so he learnt few foreign languages just to please them, he learnt to eat on fancy way and to dance and play golf. Amanda could say that she changed him , but it was not true. When she was not near him, Hugh was again in his favorite pub with drinking buddies, and easy waitress.

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Women are used to say : 

“I learnt him how to act decent. His mother did not do good job in childhood.”

“I changed him, he is not looking at other women anymore.”

“I forced him to leave his idiot friends. They had bad influence on him. “

“He is now under my control.”

All this are misleads. Men will do what they like, you only think that you are creator of their new life. They stopped with old ways because they got tired and it became useless for them. Maybe they hide their old habits and they come back in old life from time to time. This is something you can’t know.

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Are you ready to be honest?

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Honesty is value which everyone wants, but not everyone is able to handle. This is kind of mirror with two sides, and once when mirror is looking at you view is different. I was often judged because i speak on honest way, i don’t know how to pretend. Even if i tried too, my facial expressions would show opposite.

So recently my colleague complaint that i never ask how is she, i never knock at her office door. She said: “I could die and you would not know. ” I replied: “Well i am sure someone would notify me about this. “She said to me: “I like your way, you always know what to say. “

She accepted my honesty even it was not sugarcoated. This is not always the case, so try to be honest with some people, they will say you are bad mannered, rude, cruel and so on.

Just, what kind of offers we get from people who constantly praise us?

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We never know where we are standing with them

We can hear the same compliments for our rivals.

We can notice that compliments are based on pattern “good, sweet, very well. “

I could say to that lady that i love her much, that i feel sorry cause i did not check up on her, that i am bad colleague. Instead of this i said that was on my mind, because workplace is not place for personal therapy and i am not obligated to knock at her door.

Many relations would end up before if couples would be honest. Many friendship would be tempted if friends were honest. If guys were honest, many women would not accept one night stand.

So, we are indeed hypocrites. We talk about honesty but we enjoy in lies. We allow critics but expect compliments. We ask for truth but we are hungry for sweet words.

Where you will find honesty?

In situations when person has no other choice. She know someone other will tell you, so she must tell truth.

From your enemies and rivals. They will not lie about what they feel.

From someone you know very long time. My partner will not lie to me, so if i look bad in some clothes, he will tell me.

To accept his precious appearance of honesty, at least you must be brave person with strong attitude. You need to handle defeat, critics, dirty mouth. You don’t have to feel bad because someone dislike you. You should feel bad if you can’t handle that someone closes you door.

 

5 types of people you should avoid at social networks

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Social networks are relaxing place if you share your time with good people. Stranger from internet could be more interesting than your colleague at work or boring neighbor who knocks at your door every day. Another traditions, exotic countries and different views are real refreshment in boring daily schedule. Unfortunately, internet is not always place for enjoyment, so you can fall in trap of some freaks who forgot line between reality and virtual space.

This 5 types of people you should avoid and press NO button for friend request:

Spammer. This kind of person will spam your wall with tags and inbox with messages. He is not here for friendship, he desperately catch attention. Especially is odd when such person start to share your personal photos around, without your permission.

Lover boy. This person is hungry for love and sweet words fly over your page as butterflies, but also you can see the same story in other pages. Sweetie, darling or honey are his daily inspirational words.

Pervert. He is big fan of porno photos and videos and he can embarrass you in publicity, because naked bodies are his hobby. 

Hater. He hates everyone and world is undesirable place, accord him. He will ask for conflict and fight in every opportunity. When such person is leaving, everyone will be considered as idiot or jerk, because everyone hurt him badly.

Lonely soul. Yes, this is kind of person who yells “add me” in every group, because people must add him. Otherwise, he will open fake page and threat you why you did not accept his nice offer for friendship. 

Even every social site has block button, you are not finished once when you block unpleasant person. He or she can open another page or gossip you around, or even try to hack your account, because you did not want to hangout with them. Some cultures are not based on rejections, for them is rude to say NO, and they will hard understand that you pick your friends.

Internet offered exit for every lonely person on this Earth, but some of them mixed reality and dream. Even when you add someone who is not accord your standards, you can soon regret this, because such person will ask daily chat with you and you will have stone around your neck.

Virtual space is not substitute for reality. This is bonus , additional gift together with reality, vacation with keyboard. If your workplace allows access to social networks, you will join to some site to get rest from daily pressure. Maybe you will rather exchange your experience with strangers than drink coffee with your idiot boss or boring cooperators. Person with healthy and sober mind should understand boundaries, that you can’t ask your virtual friend about their ages, statuses or personal life, if she or he feel uncomfortable.

Word choice is magical word but some people on internet are deaf , because they see only what they wish to see. Extreme cases will call you bad person, because you ignored their messages or blocked them, after annoying virtual treatment.

If you are lucky to meet alive person from internet, your perception will be complete and maybe you will find new friend. In any case, limit your expectations. People from internet are not fairies or magicians, they can’t change your reality or pay your bills.

How to deal with toy boy?

 

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Playing with feelings is very cruel game. Someone loves you, and you define path of this relation. So, it means, you will reply on message when you wish, you will date with person when you wish and you will break up when you wish. This is advantage when you love less or when you don’t love at all. Women will complain on cruel men, but we also have horse for race. With years, every woman learns how to deal with players and it is not hard to become a coach.

 

Imagine that you are in life period  when you got all what you wanted. Marriage , kids, successful job , but still some things from past are unsolved and you want to heal old wounds, even to get revenge for the time when you were humiliated. Now is the right moment, because you are strong enough, you have background and little girl who cried on every harsh word died.

Roberta got married before year ago. She loves her husband but she still did not heal some bad experiences from the past. It was something what bites her inside, like injustice stands on her way to feels happy. Name of her bad experience was Jared. It was guy who was playing with her emotions, and hurt her a lot. Recently she got his message, where he wrote that he miss her. Roberta closed her eyes and imagined every passionate moment with him. Then she remembered her husband, who shown her main ingredients of love : respect and appreciation. She replied on his message with cold sentence as ” i am good and busy” and she accepted his invitation to drink coffee in coffee bar, at lunch pause . So, when she saw Jared again, she lost her focus but she did not forget all pains what he did to her. For example, his favorite fun was to flirt with her female friends and to gossip her in front of them. Roberta was listening him, his words of regret and sadness. How he wish to be a better man. After this, she spilled her coffee right into his lap. It was embarrassing, but she could not sustain smile.

Sometimes, women are in phase when they don’t know what they want.

If you decided to play, not to love, here are some candidates:

Married man who cheats his wife. 

Perfect choice for game. He will get what he asked.

Too young boy. 

Also good choice, if you are 40, and play with boy 20 or 25 years old , game could be exciting.

Man from another country.

Distance is cool reason to play, not to love.

Stranger from internet.

So many jerks from chat site are good for game.

Ex boyfriend.

If he did this too you, now is your turn.

If you are woman, be aware that rules are different than in man world. Society with judge you, friends might turn you back and men will hate you. When man is player, he is the main boss. His friends envy to him and they ask advices from him. When woman is player, she is slut. Her friends avoid her, and they gossip her too. If you have your aim, if you really don’t care what others think, choose your target.

On which way women play?

They smile to their targets and invite them on coffee.

They make love and don’t call again. If you call her, you will get excuse.

They don’t introduce toy boy to their parents and friends.

They are sometimes ashamed of their actions. 

Bad side of this strategy is that woman can fall in love in toy boy. He is sweet toy and he can make your heart melting. He might fall in love in you and you will feel as monster. In this case, you know where is your red button. Game got serious, time to let go. Sometimes, two broken souls meet and try to punish each other because they don’t know how to love again. They will play game of love with possible victims.

Don’t regret nothing after all is finished. Experience is part of love and passion. Some passionate relations are condemned on death penalty. Simply, when you destroy each other with feelings of doubts, jealousy and hatred, this can’t survive. Real love is indeed something else. There is no need for game, just loyalty and respect are mutual.

5 reasons why friendship end

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Do you have problems with finding new friends? You are not extrovert, not popular or simply your standards are high? Maybe you are bohemian and simply, you don’t need much friends.

Or, you will not enter in other’s asses, just for the sake of friendship. Now we come to the next category, do you have problems with keeping friends? How many of your friendships broke with years, and do you still remember old friends with tears in your eyes?

When Hemingway said that “man is not an island” he did not count on new technology, as computers, cell phones , i-phones and similar modern toys. Nowadays any person might gather much virtual friends, with ability to delete and block anyone who cross limits of good taste. So, we could be lonely islands, but with electronic updates.

If you are one of those people who ask “what is wrong with me?” when friends leave you, don’t be desperate. Friends are as flowers, some are just for one season. You will smash your head with questions why dear people left you and forgot that for one dance takes two.

When friend say “goodbye”, this is also breakup, as in love relation. Difference is, you will not miss physical touch and kisses, but you will miss daily coffee, bowling, shopping, gossiping or all other nice things you were doing together.

There is no universal recipe how to keep friend.

Some people will sacrifice own priorities just to gather many friends, but in their background are many compromises. Do you think that your x friend is so happy because he has so many friends? See how much obligations he must do toward them. Call me weird, but when i come at home from my work, i like to rest on my bed without phone ringing, and even more, everyone who rings on my door is not welcome, unless is someone i dealt few days before.

Don’t mix word antisocial with word selective. You are not obligated to smile with everyone, to explain why you bring some life decisions or to brag about your privacy.

I was thinking a long time why some of my friendships failed. I was too selfish? I was too busy? As time flow, i realize that it became less important. When new people fill space in your life, you will not remember previous ones.

If you lost friend, maybe something of this happened:

Distance.

You had no time for friend, because you moved in another city, found new job or got married.

Disloyalty.

You found out that your friend is not so trustful as you thought. You shared secret and someone else know it too.

 

Disrespect.

Your friend did not respect your husband, wife, parents, children. All this happens when people forget that friends come in package with their families, other friends, partners. When you discriminate someone’s wife or husband, how such friend can like you?

 

Envy.

You did progress in career. You found your soulmate. Your friend is still searching, but your happiness is spit in his face. He see you as treat.

 

Different priorities.

You were inseparable as teenagers, but now your interests are different. So you don’t play football in local club anymore, you don’t drink beer with local gang or ride bike in free time. Now you are member of golf club or literary section. 

You don’t have to make conflict to lose friends. Sometimes, life circumstances will show you that you grow up before your friend did. Sometimes, end of friendship is ugly as breakup. Mutual judgments, skeletons from closet , bragging about dirty laundry. Once upon a long time ago you were happy buddies. Today, he is only shadow from your past and you don’t want to remember him.

You can’t be friend with your rival

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If you ask why you are suddenly so popular in female company, take a look of your boyfriend. You got him, he is handsome, smart, strong, everything what girls want. So, girl who did not notice you until yesterday now will try to be your best friend. This happens just because once she slept with him in the past and in urban dictionary, she is your sushi sister.

Beware of this Trojan horse. Your new boyfriend is in center of attention, and he will not give up of his female friends. Maybe they are his ex girlfriends, and they will watch on you. In translation, they will wait for an obstacles in your relation to make a mess.

Why sushi sister is not your real friend?

– what you have in common with her is your boyfriend

– she will try to be part of his present life too, because she already knows him and his interests, she can take advantage

– women jealousy and envy, she can’t handle why she did not keep him

– she will watch your every wrong step

Competition is in women nature and character. Rivalry between women is not so obvious as in men world. Women will pretend friendship and this is poker game. If you hold wrong cards, you lose.

How to behave with sushi sister?

– make her irrelevant, she was once with him, this is past, avoid subjects about past

– don’t give her credits to come too closer to your boyfriend

 ( reject her invitation to parties, cinema, events)

– don’t complain about her to your boyfriend , don’t gossip, men don’t like nagging

– show in publicity how much you are happy with your boyfriend, hug him, kiss him in her presence

If you radiate and smile, your real female friends will wish you happiness. Sushi sister will talk about his failures, she will warn about your partner and she is indeed like crow before the storm.

Also, somehow is not natural that you are friend with your boyfriend’s former girlfriend . The same is with your husband’s ex wife. This is indeed rarity and burden you don’t need. Sooner or later you can found it how she gossiped you under your back. Then you will discover real intention of this sisterhood.

Couples in vacation – how to deal with unpredictable obstacles?

 

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Recently i read in newspapers about couple who had argument on vacation. They took free days and spent holidays at the sea, but whole week was rainy so they could not realize their plans. After vacation they complaint to each other why they spent money and free days, when they did not have quality time.

The point of every relation is not to celebrate only good moments.
All is nice when people passionate make love and earn big money so they can share joy and victory. What will be when you step into black days? Problems are test of every relation, because the point is how to dance on the rain when you expected sun. Sometimes, you will be sad because of partner’s behavior, you will be so mad at him or her that you will swear the day you met them. If you will give up from relation so easily, you should change partners every time when something goes wrong. People are not shoes, so you can’t throw them in garbage when they are not useful anymore.

Sources of love delusions are different. What you heard, read or saw somewhere else doesn’t guarantee that the same will happen to you.

Where is anchorage of such thinking?

Love novels will talk about happy couple where two beautiful and rich people got married and live happily until the end of their lives.

Romantic movies will show perfect couple in bed , how they have breakfast with juice, coffee and roses , until they whispering sweet words to each other.

Your neighbor or best friend will talk about his husband as perfect one, but other part of story, when the had argument or say ugly words, you will never know.

It is ungrateful to compare your love stories with others, because you are not in their skin and you don’t know what is behind their experiences. Who is asking for perfection, i am afraid that will not happen.

Now let’s get back to the beginning of this story. What to say about that couple that they were lazy, without sense for imagination and without passion? You can swim on the sea during the rain and enjoy in waves , because that is cool experience. You can swim in hotel pool if you wish refreshment and you are afraid to go out. If you don’t want to spend more money, you can go on terrace and drink vine , smile to each other and make a fun from bad weather. I remember that i ruined shoes because i went with my boyfriend on the open party during the rain, and that i was barefoot after this, but i laughed so much that i forgot this trouble.

Some people will make celebration from usual day, others will not have joy even in own birthdays. If you are flexible you will find source of happiness even during the storm, and if you are dull and grumpy, you will not notice rainbow.

That is why some people after vacation say : “Oh i am so disappointed. It was not what i expected. ” This disappointment doesn’t come out from life circumstances. It comes out from them. You can’t stop the rain, but you can bring umbrella to protect yourself. It depends of you will you be a part of summertime joy, or you are just pawn in summertime sadness.

You can tell me about your personal experiences, what’s went wrong at your vacation and how you deal with it.