Why women judge each others?

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Women like to say : i am different, i am difficult, i am hard. This might sound as they want to justify their position when something happens to some other women. “It could not happen to me. I would never do that. ” We are able to judge each other cause it is in our nature.

If everyone is different, then we are all again the same. I would say that everyone can be easy target in some life situations. Sometimes you can’t help to yourself, when you expose your weakness.

Imagine situation. You are hard target when you are cold toward guys which are not your type. That guy is for you ugly, boring, you simply don’t want him and it is very easy to be unavailable toward him. Well, if man attracts you, it is not easy to pretend that you don’t want him, it is not easy to control your feelings, even you smell trouble. That is why we will make same mistakes, even we know how story will finish.

When woman is hard target?

If she is not in mood for relation, not in such phase, because she got over hard breakup or she is busy with her job or personal problems.

If she really doesn’t like guy.

If she wants someone else who doesn’t want her.

If her nature is calculated. Simply, she doesn’t want to waste time on temporary adventures or random flirts.

What is with other women, who are emotional, spontaneous, passionate by nature? Are they easy targets or just not cautious as they should be?

Should we judge them if they fail in relations? Should we give them advices ?

I think every woman has her crush and burn period in life. If she learn this , she will watch out and she will not look at men with same eyes.  Also, if you are person who likes risk, bigger are chances that you will burn your fingers.

I had friend who lived in golden cage. Her first boyfriend was her neighbor, other boyfriend was also neighbor and she got married for him. She never tasted adventures, because she was afraid of risk . She was saved on some way, but on other way she was limited because at her point she was always judging women who lived different.

It is easy to be closed in golden cage when you know nobody can enter. Nobody can hurt you, but nobody can surprise you either.

When woman says, i am different, i would not sit in his car, i would not show my face on internet, i would not talk with such guy, she is judging others on a way like they are childish or stupid. Like she discovered America, but indeed she build wall. Walls are not so resistant and one day one man can swap her on ground.

When you build bridge, when you open your heart, you are open target. You are not different from others , not easy to get, you are just ready to risk. This is only difference between women who live safely and those who live in troubles.

Curiosity killed the cat, as old proverb said, so you can only learn from your troubles. One day , when you get old, maybe you would regret because you did not live more. Or maybe you will be proud because you expose yourself.

My ex office mate once said : “Why to afraid to talk about sex? When i was young, i got laid in beach and everywhere. So, why to regret?”

Do you live in the box?

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If you wish to search key of life, remember all pain which you passed. Under this pain was joy and achievement, because you earned this. You did not surrender, you were struggling, you faced with all troubles and still you keep walking. That is real life, maybe under your expectation, but the biggest reward is that you participated.

When someone dies, we look on his life, as history. Person who had lot of love, family and friends did not live in vain. This person will leave track and memories. I don’t believe in miracles and i see all unexpected events as bonus. The rest is on me, and there is no game if i don’t want to play.

The saddest part of life is not death. The worst thing you can ever do, is to surrender. If you close yourself in the box, you are dead since you were born. Passive people, chickens and cowards are living in the cage, with big fear that someone will open their cage and air of life will blow them into unknown place.

How does it look, when you are living in the box?

You never went out from place you were born. Your house is your shelter, and you live under umbrella.

You will avoid to travel, because undesirable things could happen to you.

You will avoid love relations, when you realize that their content is also sadness and pain.

You will never work, because unpleasant people are around you.

You will be bohemian person, without friends, because friends can hurt you also.

You will never risk if you are not 100% sure that you should accept an offer.

Let me introduce Aida to you. She is religious girl and she has strong faith in God. Her little world is locked with thousand keys. She lives with parents and relatives in big house. She never had job and relation. She never made love with man. She never left her city, even for small trip. Aida has 40 years old. She is pretty woman, educated and she is definitely not stupid. What is wrong with her? She believes that her God will bring her miracles. She is untouchable and she broke many friendships because people were terrified with her story. She believes, that real man will knock at her door. In her dreams, he is rich, smart , handsome as model and he loves only her. Then they will live in big house with big family. During her life, Aida met some impostors and she blamed bad fate for this. Problem was, she was never able to get out from her box and to face it with life. All this real opportunities were not good enough to her, because her standards are very high. So, still she is waiting for her Prince charming.

We can easy know when someone is living in the box.

If you try open talk with this person, she will be insulted, because you show reality.

She will watch movies, soap operas and she is probably in love in main actor from some romantic comedy.

She will make gossips about others, because she lives through their lives.

She will try to compare herself with others. So, even she is alone, it is better than husband who earn small money or husband who is not so handsome. She would not let him approach to her box.

Why we are humans? We will did lot of efforts and mistakes, we will be sad, angry, embarrassed or even devastated. If you have guts, you will wipe dust and get up, as Phoenix. Real people arise from the dust with smile. Winner will never accept even to get into box.

Winner has wings and fly in open, insecure heaven. There is maybe dangerous eagle and circumstances are against him. That is the beauty of life, black background with red roses. Pick up your rose and repaint your background, because you can do it. Throw out key of your box, and then burn this box.

Why is necessary to do changes in your life?

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How many times you heard words : “It is just a habit, quit this. ” When we stuck in kind of trouble caused by our addiction to someone or to something, we think there is no exit.

Bad friends, bad lovers, bad job? You are overweight, too shy or you can’t find friends?

Bad habit is part of every problem which should be changed. In the beginning is fear, in the middle is chaos but a the end is fascination. That is how i think when i changed some things in my life.

Bad friends were falling as domino, one by one, even just before some times i was thinking i can’t live without them. Ex boyfriends , some i could not imagine life without them, are past today. I can’t remember that story which included them.

How changes affect on us?

Feeling powerful. Finally, your life is in your hand.

Feeling stronger. Now, you are not a toy, you are person who will decide about you.

Feeling independent. Now, others will not take your life in your hands.

Feeling happy. You won over your fear and it makes you self confident and happy.

Feeling brave. At least, you develop guts.

If you stuck in the same movie with the same actors, the end will be familiar to you. You will live in the same day again and again. Even you will wonder that you are cursed, because same bad things are happening to you all the time.

Try something different. This is happiness in empty area. Now you step on into area where you did not know what is happening. You did not visit this area before. As beginner’s luck in cards or gamble, this change might bring positive result to you.  Now you are clean of poisons, judgments, you are filtered and illuminated.  This is the biggest motivation you could get.

 

Status “not single” – “not taken”

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Did you ever find yourself in the middle of nowhere , even you date with someone? Hank is one of guys who stuck in long relation. He feels unhappy because this relation doesn’t fill his needs, but he has no strength to get out from this. When his best friend Linda asked him why he can’t be alone, he replied : “I need someone to hold on.” Fear from loss and loneliness are basic elements of ruined relations, because people will stay in them even they look like abandoned houses. These are type of relations which doesn’t exist indeed, they are only walls for protection.
If we talk about love statuses, we can find interesting informations about people who are neither single, neither taken. This is kind of vacuum between love and hate, where two partners hold on each other, even they are aware that things will not work out.
Here are some stories which i heard randomly, and it can be related to “not single – not taken” statuses.
I have neighbor, he is handsome and busy, and i like him. He comes to me at dinner , i care about him when he is drunk and sometimes we have sex. But we are not in relation.”
 
“Me and my ex wife live in the same house. Officially, we are divorced, but we can’t deal about property. So until court solve this issue, we live together, even i did not touch her for a year.”
 
” I am in virtual marriage. Yes, you can laugh to me. Indeed i have wife and children, they are grow up, but they all don’t care about me. So i find young girl at social network, we are together every day at skype and whatsapp and i feel happy with her. So we decided to get marry on internet.”
 
” I live with my mother but i spend every day in house of my girlfriend. We will not get marry , my mother is cooking and washing my laundry, and my girlfriend is here to make me smile. I don’t want to be alone.”
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What real relation needs?
Obligation. Some people are irresponsible, so they don’t want commitment.
Fidelity. You need to focus on one person. If that person can’t fill your whole heart, you will hard decide about relation.
Division. Relation is deal. What is yours, that is mine and opposite. If you can’t share anything with other person, you don’t want to be in relation.
Stability. You can’t change opinion every day, about your future. You must be sure about your feelings.
When you are in the middle of romance, you are someone who is half hungry. You will taste cake, but you will not eat all. You don’t want to stay hungry, but you are not ready for big bite.
Vacuum romances are stories on half way. What is the purpose? You will realise what you need and what you don’t need. This person is maybe your experimental rabbit, someone who will take you into the main road, but the rest you will do alone.
You can ask yourself questions to test your real feelings. Can i live without her? If he leave, can i handle this or he will terribly miss me?
Method of elimination will give the best answers. Maybe you don’t know what you want, but if you eliminate unnecessary things you will get answer what is really important to you.

Can you control your fantasies?

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If we compare reality and our fantasies, tastes are different. Reality often leaves bitter taste in our mouth, like we swallowed fish oil. Fantasies are cream on the cake, that sugar dose which will make our life more magical. If you have habit to live in fantasies, you can’t look into eyes of your reality. It is too much painful, cruel or simply you feel empty? Take a nap and call your fantasies in your dreams, but don’t sleep forever otherwise you will have nightmares.

Doris always get late from her office work. Sometimes she works overtime, that is private company and her boss is unpredictable. If they don’t sell some products on time, she will stay even for weekends. After work she must go in the shopping mall. Her husband is also busy and tired so Doris will buy grosseries for dinner. That Tuesday was especially bad day. Doris got complaints from her clients, her boss was yelling on her and it was terrible crowd on the road. Finally, she went into mall and there was big line, one old woman made mess because she forgot her wallet. Doris wanted to destroy all around herself, but all she could do was deep sigh. 

Recently she opened her profile on one social network. It was her escape from reality. When her husband Paul started to snore, her only comfort was to stay awake in the middle of the night. There she met Gerard, man from France. They were immediately connected , as virtual lovers. Doris had virtual affair, and she did not feel guilt. After all, Paul was not interested for sex for a week, he was constantly tired and Doris wanted passionate moments. Gerard and Doris exchanged erotic messages. She opened herself to him, and he trusted her to talk about his life. His fiance died from cancer before two years, and accord his story he had terrible shock and he could not make love with any woman, because he had feeling that he is cheating. Doris was sexy woman and her photos attracted Gerard, especially her breasts, always in tight shirts. That captured his attention, and he felt excited and horny. After some time Doris noticed that he talks with her only in messages. He was his friend at her page, but when she opened statuses, Gerard was numb. Also, he was very talkative with other women. Gerard explained to Doris, he can’t talk with her public, because he is ashamed of his dirty messages to her. He imagined her lips with his penis in mouth. Even he asked her permission to masturbate on her photos. Doris was unpleasantly surprised, especially when they had very hot chat, and after that Gerard talked with one woman on his status and called her lady. “So what is me?” Doris asked him, and he said ” I think that you like sex, i can see in your eyes.”

Doris did not want to participate in this fantasy anymore. Suddenly, even her husband was more atractive than Gerard. At least, Paul respected Doris and he was proud on her, she was indeed ambitious lady and very educated. In this moment, Doris felt very low and dirty. Gerard has many virtual women as friends, some were ugly and old, others were in cheap clothes, but he respected all and he spent all day to talk with them. When Doris appeared, he was numb and silent. So she wrote to him polite message to leave her alone. It was as business letter “our cooperation is over, go to shrink.” In some symbolic sense, Doris was bottle with pills, Gerard needed her to feel alive, but he could not respect her. He separated two things, his passion and respect and finally result was negative.

Fantasies are as white clouds, they look amazing until the storm. 

Then they will change color into grey and black. The same is with our imagination. One step too far and our dream is now nightmare. You were dreaming, but you fall from your bed and hit straight into your head. Ouch, that hurts. How can you be so stupid? You allow someone to tresspass into your privacy. That hot stranger is owner of your black side, your expression of secret desires now are his property. 

The good thing about fantasies is that we can use them as reminder.

You did not value what you had, so someone will remind you that it can be even worse. Maybe your reality is not Hollywood, but don’t want to swim in dirty water. This is risk which you take when you step into dark zone. Unknown area is maybe danger zone. This hot stranger doesn’t hold flower in his hands. He holds a bomb, which will explode every minute, together with your honor and reputation.

Do you understand body language?

Chemistry is something what you can’t fake. Sparks are visible from the plane, and vibrations travel free, without control. Body language is universal language of humans. Wrong translation can get you into problems.
If someone make a quiz, to guess which people are indeed couples, you can guess it by some marks. 
 
They look each other in the eyes, and touch randomly, without plan. 
 
They smile a lot, because of mutual impression.
 
They are arguing about small things. 
 
They did not notice how much time they spent on the same place.
 
They are cleaning each other. You will move bread crumbs from his shirt, he will wipe small glitch of chocolate from your lips.
When people try to hide relation, or problematic past relation, they will control their reactions. This is an opposite effect, because all what you would do in contact with this person is now contrary. For example, you would say hello and shake hands on the street, but now you will turn on your head and walk faster, because you don’t want to remind yourself on former relationship.
Angela had painful relation with guy who cheated her. After some time, she found new boyfriend Darren.  They visited local event. There was Pete, her ex boyfriend. She was in panic. She wanted to leave, but Darren asked for a reason. Angela wanted to sit more far, and Darren noticed that she is nervous. Pete was looking in her direction, and Angela was looking at him too, with grumpy expression at face. Darren got the point, he asked her about Pete. Men are available to feel when someone is in mind of their girlfriends. They feel hunter’s instinct, and you can be silent and cold outside, but they will feel what is wrong. Their pride and masculinity will make simple equation. It means , their relation is attacked from outside.
If you feel something for someone who doesn’t know this, or you wish forgiveness from ex love, words are not enough and effective in every case. Actions and body language will show you way.
Some ideas:
Make a smile, move on when she is passing and offer her free chair.
 
If she is waiting in the line, tell her she can wait in front of you. You have time and she is in rush.
 
If she is mocked by other girls or guys, be brave and tell her that she has right. Or she is amazing and misunderstood.
 
Use internet. Make a post with something what she likes. Her favorite song, lyric, movie. 
Direct approach is not always desirable. You can lose potential girlfriend if you are too pushy, too persistent or you  suffocate her. She needs choice. How she might choose if she can’t breath?
As quote says :

Start relation when you are ready

When someone hurts you, it is a chain reaction. Sooner or later, you will have side effects. 

Very important basic of every relation is that you are ready. Than means you are free from burden, from past and that you have healthy self confidence. If you love yourself, you can love your partner too.

If you don’t love yourself, it will affect to others and they will hurt you too, because you give them rope in their hands.

 

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Melissa was always with wrong guys, since she fall in love first time as teenage girl, until maturity. That guys built her character, because she chose them not with intention. That were choices made by her character.

Steve was aggressive, Martin was cold to her, Alan cheated her, and she passed through this. And then she met Richard.

When she introduced her new guy to her friends, all were thinking that another moron is on the way. Surprise, Richard was nice, with good manners, tender and she treated Melissa as a queen.

Soon he realized that Melissa has own vision of this relation. She found him as boring or too easy target for manipulate with him. All what her ex guys did to her, she did to Richard. She cheated him, she slap him once, she was cold toward him, and Richard had no chance. At the end he left her, and Melissa was aware that she lost the only guy who truly cared about her.

 When she cried, her friend Elisa said to her :

But dear, you were not ready to relation at all. You must forget past and try to love yourself.

It was late for Richard, but Melissa learnt lesson.

It was : don’t start relation when you are unhappy and lonely, start relation when you are ready. 

Writer out of stereotypes

 

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When we talk about some professions, for sure in our heads is vision about how some persons should look like. So you will imagine cop as tall and strong man, teacher as woman with glasses, butcher as fat man etc.


That is just our superficial view and draft about person . But things are different. 



What if person doesn’t fit in stereotypes?

Nives Celzius is woman who won award for best selling book in Croatia and region, name of book “Naked truth.” That book is about scandals and affairs, erotic events in celebrity world in Balkan. So nothing strange indeed, but that book was the main subject of Croatian readers and Nives got award with name “Kiklop.” Talking about history this award was established by the name of novel of Ranko Marinković, famous Croatian writer, dedicated to him and honorable for all future writers.

So, who is Nives? Nives Celzius is Croatian singer, pin up girl , wife of Croatian footballer Dino Drpić, Croatian celebrity girl who became famous outside of Croatia because of her sex appeal, she was on cover of many international magazines. She is not writer who can fit into stereotypes. So, old fashioned closed mind in Croatia decided to take away “Kiklop” award from her hands. Scandal was even bigger when Mrs Vodopija, Director of the Book Fair in Pula Magdalena Vodopija , responsible for award decided to shut down all future rewards. Simply, Mrs. Vodopija found shameful that Nives can get award, so she wanted to destroy all future possibilities that kind of writers as Nives can get award in future.

Of course, Nives found satisfaction in District court in Pula. There, accord to verdict, final decision was, she must get “Kiklop” right into her hands. Justice won this time, but shadow of shame stayed in background.

Who should be ashamed? Not Nives, she fight fair and she won this game. She wrote a book, Croatian publicity accepted her and she deserve award. But Mrs. Vodopija who told that woman like her doesn’t deserve award because she is not traditional writer, she should be ashamed. So what if Nives had scandals, that is her personal life.

Maybe some people are disappointed with taste of Croatian readers. Yes, we read yellow stamp and scandals, not boring books about war and politics, because we want something to make us smile, that we can feel alive. It doesn’t mean that we are people without taste, we know about famous writers and many of us will like Hemingway, Proust, Dostojevski. But we choose. In this way, Croatian publicity show up that closed minds must stay in box and not to attack other people because they were enough brave to jump out from the box.

Nives is one good example.

7 sentences which hurt women

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Women are as glasses. If you don’t hold them carefully, they will fall and break into pieces. As much woman is strong and independent, she is gentle creature, and choice of wrong words might hurt her. When guy ask : “What is said wrong?”, he is confused that he mistaked with his approach. Some guys are really nasty and they will intentionaly hurt woman, but others are just clumsy and without tact.
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This 7 sentences will hurt woman, so don’t use it if you care about her.

You look chubby or fat. 
No matter how much overweight is your girl, don’t tell her on this way. She will be insulted, especially if you make bad jokes about that.
Someone told me that you change guys as stockings.
Never brag about her reputation. Don’t say this into her face, she will hate you. Besides, her past is not important.
Your daddy is rich. You have a lot of money.
Ooops. Double sword. She will think that you want her money or that you considered her as rich brat.
You remind me on my ex.
Red alarm. Never compare woman with your ex, women are rivals and it is not desirable at all.
Where you learn those skills in sex?
If you talk about her sexual expertise, you are jerk. Be happy and quiet.
You look older, how old are you indeed?
This is simple and traditional rule, don’t ask lady for her ages.
Why you don’t believe in God?
Choice of religion is only her’s. She could be an atheist and that is not your business.
Man with experience will hold his cards as in poker game. He knows which button to press, how to seduce any type of woman, but yet he can do mistake, if that woman is not what he expected. Immature guy, greenhorn will be nervous, because he has no experience. General mistake appears if guy put all woman in the same basket.
How does it look like?
“Buy her flowers, tell her sweet words and take her into romantic dinner. Make love with her and after that she is yours. If she is grumpy, she is not feminine. That is evil bitch and don’t hesitate to slap her.”
Some men have no patience and nerves to seduce right woman. They will give up on first sign of misunderstanding and then they will wonder why she chose another guy. Man must learn to read between lines, because sometimes is not easy to figure it out, what she wants indeed. Some men will use power and violence to get what they wish, but this is not a way.
Words of  my friend,  about how her husband got her attention:
” He did not listen others what they talked about me. He said, it is important what you say or do to me now, not what you did before. I don’t have time to listen gossips and stupid people, i want your loyalty and honesty. If you break my heart, you will never see me again.”
What makes difference between kid and real man is just in his attitude. Boy will yell or cry, man will think and decide. That is whole story.

Pending time – he loves me or not?

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Every relation is made of few phases. First, you burn from desire , but after that you feel saturation, and it is time to take a pause. Heart can’t make 100 percent fire all the time , this is like a petrol, sometimes you need to refill it with new flame.

Why we need turbulence in relations? As passionate person, i will easier deal with conflict than with ignorance . Conflict is open field, you say this, he say that, you disagree but after anger pass , conversation is possible again. With ignorance, you are never sure.

If person ignores you and you don’t know the reason, you will pass through experience of pending time. Why he ignores me? When he will stop ignore me? When he will reply on my message and why he will not answer on my call? You are for sure familiar with this questions.

When we are sure that person loves us, we will start to behave as we are on safe ground. Uncertainty is not an obstacle, he loves us, he will be there for us, he will do everything for us. Just, why are you so sure? What happens then? Some women will act like that is boring. They will start to flirt around, make million hobbies or even challenge conflict, just to turn back old flame into relation.

How this develops, it will show on this example.

Ken and Maria are 6 months in relation and they send to each other messages, because this is relation on distance. They live far from each other. First, he was sending so much messages that she could not breath. He had insight in every area of her life. She said him few times, don’t call me, i am busy with work. Also she said to him, i will go out with friends, i have life here in my city , don’t be sad if i can’t be online when you need me. Maria felt big burden.

After 48 hours situation suddenly changed.Maria opened cell phone in morning and here was not usual message “good morning” as she used to. She sent message to Ken, but he did not reply her, even he was online. She sent second message for half hour and did not get reply either. Now she started to worry, maybe she was too bitchy when she said to him to be more independent. She did not get Ken’s messages 24 hours. Then she sent message to him ” you are ignoring me, i will not run for you. ” He did not show any reaction. After this, he replied her that he is busy with his work, that he has no time to write to her. Ken wanted to teach her lesson, not to take him for granted. Next days Maria felt that she appreciates him more. He took power back, and Maria started to melt. They even dealt for meeting soon.

I would recommend both sides, don’t let partner to drag you for nose. Don’t wait his calls and messages all the time , do something useful. If he will not call, don’t force him. If you did something wrong and he will not call, wait until he chills out. If you feel as redundant person in his life, increase your value. Live your life. Be in the company of people who are thrilled with your messages and calls.

Some guys will test women how much they are firm. Is this woman hysterical, paranoid, calm or crazy? Will this woman check every his step?

I will not blame them. Indeed, when person build wall , this is interesting. Who will jump over this wall? In this case, make your own rules. Why you should wait someone who let you to wait?

When women ask, should i call him if he did not call me, i will say no. If he wanted to call, he would call. Especially if this is start of relation. In long relations and marriages things are different. Sometimes you must call him to pay bills, to pick up kids, to cook dinner and invite guests, even you had argument. Married couples are sometimes forced to talk, by circumstances. Yes he was an ass yesterday, but today is last day to go into bank and i must talk with him. Later we will continue to fight.

Pending time is magical when you wait for statement of love. Does he love me? This is like in game from childhood , where little girl take flower and throw petals, and repeat : he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…

Also pending time is good foreplay for sex. You had this tense situation, and now is time for passion. Award for your waiting and end of the game.