Are you cautious person?

When you get burn, you will blow on cold. Bad experience is alert, and your red alarm will open light anytime when troubles are on the way. This is kind of warning, don’t repeat the same mistakes again. Even repeating is mother of knowledge, if we stuck in the same traps, we are wasting our time. How do you feel screwed from the same person or with same situations again? Like fool.

Roxanne learnt from past experiences. She had violent boyfriend and her blue eye or broken nose were reminders. Many time she justified how she hit into door or how clumsy she was , but once when she get out from this, apologies were unnecessary. Her next boyfriend try to hit her during conflict, and she left him another day.

Somehow, when we pass through boomer situations, next similar event will cause our flash back. I was hitchhiking and i had unpleasant experience, so there is no chance that i would do it again. It was before 10 years or more, and i surprise to myself how i was brave or foolish. Then i lost fear, but now i got warning. This happen in maturity, when you start to feel that is not recommended to put yourself into troubles, if there is easier way to solve problems.  Playing role of hero is not always brave act, sometimes is stupid. If you see that two men are in street fight, will you involve into this if you don’t know them? If you don’t want to be damaged, better not.

When we are careful, we will protect ourselves.

What does it mean?

Sometimes you will refuse to help your friend because it is against your interests.

Sometimes you will not give second chance to people who hurt you already.

Sometimes you will give up from some opportunity, for the sake of someone else. You like this guy, but you are not single so you will not accept his invite for dating.

 

When you are careful, it doesn’t mean that you afraid of risk or that you are closed in the box. Simply, you need time to think about and reconsider this offer. If you think that is smarter to stay away, do it. People can say : “You are coward.” That is not true. For example, i don’t want to travel alone in foreign country to meet with stranger who invite me from internet. I am just careful.

Some battles are not worthy of fight, others need time and adjustments, and sometimes is the biggest victory to stay calm until storm pass. That is difference between childish behavior and maturity. Kids never think about consequences, and mature persons will have kind of Libra, to think about good and bad sides of the same situation.

If we accept everything what this life offers, it is like we are walking around with binding eyes. We can crash with bad people if we act like blind mouses. Careless person is like bat, flying around until she hit into wall.

Our inside alarm should be always turn on. Look at this red button , this is your alert, that you are not doing something right.

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Nostalgia is seductive liar

It was better before. I remember how we had fun and smile. These times will never come back.

If you use any of this sentences, it means you are nostalgic. You regret for past times and you want jump into time machine to be there again.

 

Usually, people became nostalgic by ages. When someone can’t fit in new trends or changes, result will be flashback. Often we can heard from elder people how much they were respected before. Also, if old woman look into her photo album, she will say : ” I was so beautiful, look at me now.”

Nostalgia is delusional feeling. It is not true that it was better before, maybe is easier to remember something what made you smile, to handle daily routine on better way. Indeed, people who live in the past are not progressing.

The main question about nostalgia is: “If that time was so awesome, why it did not continue?” 

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This is the same feeling as when you had breakup with your love. You remember her smile and her long hair, mutual jokes and how you woke up every morning with her. This past movie is spinning in front of your eyes. Your memories are so alive that it causes tears in your eyes. You remember how that guy kissed you and gave you surprises for your birthday, how you fed swans with him and this made you sad.

Nostalgia is a liar. You remember good things and forget bad. If you live in past, you stuck on sweet memories. Did you forget how that girl spent all your money without your knowledge about it? You don’t remember when this sweet guy cheated you?

Nostalgia appears in bad circumstances. 

So, now i feel bad and i will regret for past times. It can make situation worse. Let’s look better into future. Past is black, present is grey, but maybe future is pink. Remove this grey curtain of nostalgia, your view is too foggy.

Can you get focus in the world of technology?

 

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We live in the age of smartphone attack. Look around yourself, everyone is typing on his cell phone. Everyone is talking in full bus, tram, car, even during walk on the street, because there is so much important things to say.

Recently i watched movie with my husband. I was tempted to see what is on my smart phone, did someone sent me message, liked my posts etc.  I tried to focus at movie, but my hand were searching smartphone which was on low battery. Then my husband noticed that i talk while phone is charging. He said to me, few people got electric shock on this way.

This is era of addiction. Those small electronic things obeyed us. Just look around yourself, smartphone is in every area of life.

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Walking dog? Checking phone.

Sitting in office and write important document? Checking phone.

Talking with friends on coffee? Checking phone.

Dancing on wild party night in the club? Making selfies is necessary.

Making cake? Check your phone is ringing.

Make shower? Wait, your message is here.

I don’t say that all is bad with appearance of Internet and high technology. The main negative characteristic is : you can’t focus. Try to get focus while your partner is hugging you, while your friend is talking something confident with you and while your boss is giving you next task. Sometimes, we all go out of focus. Somewhere, in strange world where reality is different. This is situation when your partner is stranger and your virtual friend is person of confidence.

I will say about bright side of this IT era, how this helped to me:

Finally, i don’t need to explain strangers in the bus or train why i don’t want to talk with them.

When my partner got tired of me, i can focus at my phone.

Remember parents whose have kids in foreign countries? Remember relatives from far? Now you can reach them with Skype .

Remember how sad you were after summer adventures, because you knew you will never meet this guy again? Now you can search him in Facebook. I remember Italian guy who stayed in my nice summer memory before many years, but i never had a chance to see him again. We exchanged 3 letters and silence.

When i need info about anything, i ask Google.

What i know for sure, with new technology, we are never alone. Everyone got a chance to create second world, together with real life. Now everyone can make own photo shop at Instagram, own video to post on social networks and make yourself important for those who wish to see.

I remember girl before 13 years who lost job, all friends and broke up with boyfriend. Girl was very sad and she was writing her thoughts in notebooks. That girl collected 30 notebooks with her thoughts. That girl did not have Internet. It was me.

 

5 reasons why friendship end

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Do you have problems with finding new friends? You are not extrovert, not popular or simply your standards are high? Maybe you are bohemian and simply, you don’t need much friends.

Or, you will not enter in other’s asses, just for the sake of friendship. Now we come to the next category, do you have problems with keeping friends? How many of your friendships broke with years, and do you still remember old friends with tears in your eyes?

When Hemingway said that “man is not an island” he did not count on new technology, as computers, cell phones , i-phones and similar modern toys. Nowadays any person might gather much virtual friends, with ability to delete and block anyone who cross limits of good taste. So, we could be lonely islands, but with electronic updates.

If you are one of those people who ask “what is wrong with me?” when friends leave you, don’t be desperate. Friends are as flowers, some are just for one season. You will smash your head with questions why dear people left you and forgot that for one dance takes two.

When friend say “goodbye”, this is also breakup, as in love relation. Difference is, you will not miss physical touch and kisses, but you will miss daily coffee, bowling, shopping, gossiping or all other nice things you were doing together.

There is no universal recipe how to keep friend.

Some people will sacrifice own priorities just to gather many friends, but in their background are many compromises. Do you think that your x friend is so happy because he has so many friends? See how much obligations he must do toward them. Call me weird, but when i come at home from my work, i like to rest on my bed without phone ringing, and even more, everyone who rings on my door is not welcome, unless is someone i dealt few days before.

Don’t mix word antisocial with word selective. You are not obligated to smile with everyone, to explain why you bring some life decisions or to brag about your privacy.

I was thinking a long time why some of my friendships failed. I was too selfish? I was too busy? As time flow, i realize that it became less important. When new people fill space in your life, you will not remember previous ones.

If you lost friend, maybe something of this happened:

Distance.

You had no time for friend, because you moved in another city, found new job or got married.

Disloyalty.

You found out that your friend is not so trustful as you thought. You shared secret and someone else know it too.

 

Disrespect.

Your friend did not respect your husband, wife, parents, children. All this happens when people forget that friends come in package with their families, other friends, partners. When you discriminate someone’s wife or husband, how such friend can like you?

 

Envy.

You did progress in career. You found your soulmate. Your friend is still searching, but your happiness is spit in his face. He see you as treat.

 

Different priorities.

You were inseparable as teenagers, but now your interests are different. So you don’t play football in local club anymore, you don’t drink beer with local gang or ride bike in free time. Now you are member of golf club or literary section. 

You don’t have to make conflict to lose friends. Sometimes, life circumstances will show you that you grow up before your friend did. Sometimes, end of friendship is ugly as breakup. Mutual judgments, skeletons from closet , bragging about dirty laundry. Once upon a long time ago you were happy buddies. Today, he is only shadow from your past and you don’t want to remember him.

Couples in vacation – how to deal with unpredictable obstacles?

 

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Recently i read in newspapers about couple who had argument on vacation. They took free days and spent holidays at the sea, but whole week was rainy so they could not realize their plans. After vacation they complaint to each other why they spent money and free days, when they did not have quality time.

The point of every relation is not to celebrate only good moments.
All is nice when people passionate make love and earn big money so they can share joy and victory. What will be when you step into black days? Problems are test of every relation, because the point is how to dance on the rain when you expected sun. Sometimes, you will be sad because of partner’s behavior, you will be so mad at him or her that you will swear the day you met them. If you will give up from relation so easily, you should change partners every time when something goes wrong. People are not shoes, so you can’t throw them in garbage when they are not useful anymore.

Sources of love delusions are different. What you heard, read or saw somewhere else doesn’t guarantee that the same will happen to you.

Where is anchorage of such thinking?

Love novels will talk about happy couple where two beautiful and rich people got married and live happily until the end of their lives.

Romantic movies will show perfect couple in bed , how they have breakfast with juice, coffee and roses , until they whispering sweet words to each other.

Your neighbor or best friend will talk about his husband as perfect one, but other part of story, when the had argument or say ugly words, you will never know.

It is ungrateful to compare your love stories with others, because you are not in their skin and you don’t know what is behind their experiences. Who is asking for perfection, i am afraid that will not happen.

Now let’s get back to the beginning of this story. What to say about that couple that they were lazy, without sense for imagination and without passion? You can swim on the sea during the rain and enjoy in waves , because that is cool experience. You can swim in hotel pool if you wish refreshment and you are afraid to go out. If you don’t want to spend more money, you can go on terrace and drink vine , smile to each other and make a fun from bad weather. I remember that i ruined shoes because i went with my boyfriend on the open party during the rain, and that i was barefoot after this, but i laughed so much that i forgot this trouble.

Some people will make celebration from usual day, others will not have joy even in own birthdays. If you are flexible you will find source of happiness even during the storm, and if you are dull and grumpy, you will not notice rainbow.

That is why some people after vacation say : “Oh i am so disappointed. It was not what i expected. ” This disappointment doesn’t come out from life circumstances. It comes out from them. You can’t stop the rain, but you can bring umbrella to protect yourself. It depends of you will you be a part of summertime joy, or you are just pawn in summertime sadness.

You can tell me about your personal experiences, what’s went wrong at your vacation and how you deal with it.

Reality check and illusions

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People use to say: “You live in illusion. ” “You need reality check. “

What is indeed illusion?

Absence of real beliefs.

Flying on cloud instead of walking on the ground.

Too big expectations.

Impossible aims.

Reality check is cold shower, something what people need when they fly too high. There must be a difference between vision and dream. Vision is based on real expectation, but dream is based on imagination.

I wish to get marry for Brad Pitt. This is dellusional example.

I wish to buy new dress, which is too expensive for me but not impossible to buy.

Sometimes, people with manipulation skills will hold dellusional people in traps , because on this way they can feed their ego.

Woman X lives in USA. She promised man from Turkey that she will come to visit him. She delayed her arrival first for 6 months, then for a year. Then she said she will come in summer and later in winter. He is still waiting for her but she hesitates and wants to get on time. He is afraid to travel to see her so both are in ungrateful position. Their illusion is more beautiful than reality so they stick on safe ground of their dream because reality is insecure.

Did you stuck in kind of illusion?

How you deal with this?

These are consequences of life in illusion :

Awakening in tears.

Cuts of some connections which were based on dreams.

Loss of trust and confidence.

Loss of hope.

Black white insight on life.

Why people hold on their imaginary hopes, even deep inside they know it will not work out?

Well, i remember movie “The escape from Alcatraz. ” Man was painter, and he knew he will not get out from prison but he will make his life easier by drawing. When headmaster of jail took him his tools and material, he made suicide.

If you want to kill person inside, kill his dream. Kill hope that something is worth living or that some day will be better.

Reality check is not for all people, some are born to live in dreams because they don’t know how to walk on the ground. Mama’s boy will rather live with his mother than to ask woman to marry. Unemployed guy will rather sleep at home than ask for a job. Woman who is unhappy in love will rather hold on her problematic marriage or relation.

Illusions feed us, the same way as they made us damage. Who wish to get out from that poisoned circle must be aware that this is not healthy life.

I was in illusion that one friendship will last forever. Guy said me : “Life can separate you and your friend. ” He was in right, once when she gone in another city she never asked for me.

After you break illusion, there is something brighter. Empty space for someone special, for something special, but this time you wear safe glasses and you know where you will go .

What happens when love is not mutual?

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The basic point of every fairy tale is magic stick . If you are beautiful fairy who holds this , you can turn frog into prince, poor guy into rich guy and bad guy into good guy. That dream sounds as realization of your hopes, and some women still make fantasies to change their boyfriends or husbands. “If he could change toward my wishes, i would have easier job.” In reality, it doesn’t works , because you can’t change guy without losing his personality. Maybe he listened you and did some changes accord your wishes, but he is not the same guy you met. Now you have business with kind of zombie, lobotomized man who is not the one you loved.
Every man is made of kind of buttons. If you press his positive buttons, you will be in harmony with him. If you press negative buttons all the time, your relation is more tragedy than romance. On this way we can explain why the same man is so good accord some women, and why other women can’t stand him. Understanding and accepting is key of love, so if you love wild guys, you will accept that he needs time to be alone with  himself, even to runaway for a short to find himself again. If you use leash to slow him down, you will lose him.
Two biggest nightmares of every woman are:
1. guy i love will not give me love back
2. guy i don’t like will follow me everywhere and i will not get rid of him
If you mix this two stories in the same time, it will be black comedy. On one side, you fall for guy who never noticed you, and on the other hand, guy you don’t wish to see is always on your back. If you think that you can change situation, to force guy to fall for you, or to chill out guy not to fall for you, that is wrong way. This is trap and the best way for you is to escape from confusing situation.
Relax, it is not all black.
You will see how Brenda learnt from this two situations.
 
Brenda wanted Kevin. In this situation, Kevin was indeed on half way. He wanted Brenda, but sometimes. Brenda wanted serious relation and commitment, and she was very persistent . She called him on phone, she sent thousand messages and e-mails, she did everything to sabotage his relations with other women. At the end, Kevin runaway from this situation. He felt as prisoner, without space to decide.
Cole wanted Brenda. Now Brenda felt on her skin what happens when stalker loves you. Cole was her colleague and she was working in the same office with him. She could not talk with others without his presence, he poke nose in her work, and every lunch pause he was on her back. For the first time, Brenda saw herself in the mirror. She understood better how Kevin felt. But it was too late.
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When love is not mutual, you are in relation with zombie.
No matter are you the one who doesn’t love, or your beloved doesn’t love you, this connection is forced bond.
Try to make love with someone without feelings, you will hate yourself next morning.
Try to say i love you without spark in your heart, you will dislike yourself .
Imagine yourself in tunnel. You are walking slowly, and on the other side is your love. If you love him, and if he loves you, this meeting will be hilarious. Your heart will beat, you will lose breath, your cheeks will blush. Even you will talk as stammerer. That is love, silly and logical in the same moment.
Well, if you don’t love your boyfriend, or if your boyfriend doesn’t feel the same, you will make this relation as summary of formalities.
Fake smile, kind words, hug without heart beats. Sad situation, but some couples are that kind of zombies. They are together for wrong reasons, because they think to change situation at better point.
Artificial flowers can’t smell and grow. The same is with relation without sparks. If chemistry doesn’t exist, it will not appear from somewhere. In this case, your relation is only piece of paper.