Did you deal with third person in your relation?

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When we love, our desire is focused on one person. We don’t want to share this person with others, and that is why we don’t like competition. This is in human nature, to defeat, eliminate, even destroy every competitor or rival, because they stand on our way to happiness.

Before we exhume war cleaver, we must be aware that competition is not the main problem. If you have problem in relation, you can’t blame other people, because your partner is the one who is with you. You sleep, eat and share life with him or her, not with others, so if something went wrong, discuss that with owner of your heart.

Many women think wrong that problems will disappear if they get rid of their opponents. Yes, that Sheila bitch wanted to steal my husband, but if i kick her ass , we will be happy. Now you get rid of Sheila, Rebecca, Annie and all those trash, but your partner is still cheating you? If you saw movie “The other women” with Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann, you will get the point about unfaithful partner. Such person don’t care for anyone, just for yourself.

What kind of competition can stand on way of our happiness in love?

Ex partner. That girlfriend or boyfriend are still here, maybe in our neighborhood, but you meet them and every time you see person, something stuck in your throat. Why they are still alive?

Best friends. Yes he told you that Mabel is his colleague from work, and that Nadine is his friend from high school, but you still don’t believe him, because he share messages with them , he drink coffee with them and you feel that they steal his attention from you.

Fictional person. Your partner maybe joke with you how he dream about perfect women, but every time you see example of his standards, you will feel as shit. That is matter of your self confidence.

What are the most stupid things you can do, when you afraid of rivalry?

Send sms or emails to your rival.

Call them.

Gossip them around.

Try to wait them in ambush and beat them.

Accuse them that they involve in your relation, even they have no idea about this.

Of course, sometimes you can have right, that someone really want to invade in your privacy. That woman really want to seduce your husband or that man wants to sleep with your girlfriend.

What will you do?

Talk with your partner and check the facts.

Deal with your partner together, how to stay away from that person.

Tell your partner that you feel unpleasant, that you are concerned. If he cares, he will stop negative emotions by his actions.

Relation is based on mutual feelings, harmony and agreement. When you two are together and your actions are mutual, nobody can stand on your way. This moment when something happens behind your back, something went wrong. This is alarm call. It is not invitation that you must kill other woman, this is moment when you need to talk with your partner. If he doesn’t care, this relation is dead.

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How to deal with toy boy?

 

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Playing with feelings is very cruel game. Someone loves you, and you define path of this relation. So, it means, you will reply on message when you wish, you will date with person when you wish and you will break up when you wish. This is advantage when you love less or when you don’t love at all. Women will complain on cruel men, but we also have horse for race. With years, every woman learns how to deal with players and it is not hard to become a coach.

 

Imagine that you are in life period  when you got all what you wanted. Marriage , kids, successful job , but still some things from past are unsolved and you want to heal old wounds, even to get revenge for the time when you were humiliated. Now is the right moment, because you are strong enough, you have background and little girl who cried on every harsh word died.

Roberta got married before year ago. She loves her husband but she still did not heal some bad experiences from the past. It was something what bites her inside, like injustice stands on her way to feels happy. Name of her bad experience was Jared. It was guy who was playing with her emotions, and hurt her a lot. Recently she got his message, where he wrote that he miss her. Roberta closed her eyes and imagined every passionate moment with him. Then she remembered her husband, who shown her main ingredients of love : respect and appreciation. She replied on his message with cold sentence as ” i am good and busy” and she accepted his invitation to drink coffee in coffee bar, at lunch pause . So, when she saw Jared again, she lost her focus but she did not forget all pains what he did to her. For example, his favorite fun was to flirt with her female friends and to gossip her in front of them. Roberta was listening him, his words of regret and sadness. How he wish to be a better man. After this, she spilled her coffee right into his lap. It was embarrassing, but she could not sustain smile.

Sometimes, women are in phase when they don’t know what they want.

If you decided to play, not to love, here are some candidates:

Married man who cheats his wife. 

Perfect choice for game. He will get what he asked.

Too young boy. 

Also good choice, if you are 40, and play with boy 20 or 25 years old , game could be exciting.

Man from another country.

Distance is cool reason to play, not to love.

Stranger from internet.

So many jerks from chat site are good for game.

Ex boyfriend.

If he did this too you, now is your turn.

If you are woman, be aware that rules are different than in man world. Society with judge you, friends might turn you back and men will hate you. When man is player, he is the main boss. His friends envy to him and they ask advices from him. When woman is player, she is slut. Her friends avoid her, and they gossip her too. If you have your aim, if you really don’t care what others think, choose your target.

On which way women play?

They smile to their targets and invite them on coffee.

They make love and don’t call again. If you call her, you will get excuse.

They don’t introduce toy boy to their parents and friends.

They are sometimes ashamed of their actions. 

Bad side of this strategy is that woman can fall in love in toy boy. He is sweet toy and he can make your heart melting. He might fall in love in you and you will feel as monster. In this case, you know where is your red button. Game got serious, time to let go. Sometimes, two broken souls meet and try to punish each other because they don’t know how to love again. They will play game of love with possible victims.

Don’t regret nothing after all is finished. Experience is part of love and passion. Some passionate relations are condemned on death penalty. Simply, when you destroy each other with feelings of doubts, jealousy and hatred, this can’t survive. Real love is indeed something else. There is no need for game, just loyalty and respect are mutual.

Who is emotional slut?

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Emotional burden on your heart is not easy to handle. This moment when you feel bitterness  something in you wish to share it with others. Your hand will grab cell phone to call friend. “Now, something is urgent, i must tell you what happened to me. ”  You will say what’s bother you to your best friend, then to your second best friend and to your work mates, your relatives, maybe some passengers on the street too? If you act like this, you are kind of emotional slut.

Feelings are something sacred. If you feel ashamed because of something, if you crossed line of behavior, if you fall in love in someone who is not appropriate, you should be careful to whom you will say this. Now that is trap, because people will judge you or share to others. It is not the same when you say : “I love to drink hot coffee” or to say “I love tied hands when i make love. ” 

When some women complaint that guy did not call for next date, they need to return to their previous conversation.

Did you say something like this:

“My ex was moron. I recovered very hard from past relation.”

” I was promiscuous. I could not find the right one.”

“My ex was impotent. For me is sex very important.”

“I had HPV virus. From that moment, i am careful with whom i will go to bed.”

Men will avoid person who cannot control her reactions. If you see savior in man who is sitting in front of you, he will afraid and escape. It is not the point will you make love with him soon, the point is that you opened yourself too fast. Which details stayed hidden? If he knows all about you in half hour, he will not call anymore, because he heard enough.

The real image of emotional slut is person who open internet profile and talk about details from her love past. Once i saw profile of model, beautiful girl who talked about her ex boyfriends, to leave her alone. She exposed their names and wrote : “Leave my life. Stop follow me. “ She did not understand that she did opposite of her intentions. When you are mature person, you don’t react in public for something what is in your private inbox. On this way, she just feed them with attention. Nobody felt sorry for her, some were thinking  “what an idiot woman. ” 

There is no more interesting moment for man than waiting moment. He waits your statement about your feelings. When you give him pending time, when you are silent, he will know that you are worthy of fight. He waits that you tell him “i love you. ” If he knows all so fast, you will kill mystery. “Ok, she is crazy for me so i get bored with this. ” 

You can fix your slutty approach if you stop giving him attention. Turn him back and wait what will happen. It is not that the most beautiful women always win. Winners are those with most interesting personality. Try to imagine yourself on his place. What would you do when one guy would admit his feelings on first date? Or , if he tells about himself that he is tired of being abandoned and he asks for girl who will never leave him. Do you see big lash around your neck? The same is when you run for guy and expect from him to give you love back, just because you already love him.

When you entered into flirt zone?

 

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When man is jealous, he will accuse woman for flirting or cheating. Women will often say : “He is just my friend”. Sometimes is hard to draw a line between flirting and talking, and some men will be hurt because they think that woman cross this area. Also, some women wish to feed their ego, but they don’t want to lose their safe relation . In this case, they will increase their boundaries, until someone get caught them, in the action.

Imagine that you have friend from childhood. You know him all your life, and it is natural that you will hug him, squeeze his hand and talk about confident thing. If he is handsome man, and you already have partner, your partner could be jealous. Also, if you work with handsome man, he could also show jealousy, even you are always decent and professional.

When you already step in into flirt zone?

You drink coffee with your “friend”, and your partner doesn’t know nothing about this.

You kissed another man, without telling this to your partner.

You went out with your friends and dancing with another men whole night. When your partner called you, you said that you are alone with cocktail in the corner and that you get bored.

You shared your personal details with unknown men, and your boyfriend is out of knowledge about this.

You save mails and messages from another man. Their content is romantic or sexy. 

Women sometimes have an opposite logic. They will accuse their men for cheating, but in the same time they will flirt, because “that is different. ” If your man has colleague at work and she is attractive, you will describe her as “filthy slut. ” But your male office mate is “charming guy. ” It is different, when it gets us personally. If you are talkative woman, if you love hangouts with men, if men are better friends for you that women, it could be problem, but not unsolved. When your partner knows you and trusts you, you will feel big responsibility and you will not cheat him.

Helen and Jeremy are long time in marriage. His best friend Neville is also her friend. When Jeremy is not at home, Neville goes with Helen in restaurant, to make lunch. Helen never abuse this trust. She loves Jeremy and she would never hurt him, even Neville is handsome guy and single.

Difference between talking with men and flirting is in conscience.  How your conscience works? Would you sleep with your sister’s husband, your friend’s husband or with your best friend? Some women are without limits. Croatian singer Anđa Marić had best friend, who slept with her husband. It happened and ruined her marriage.

Flirt zone is devilish zone, when you are not single. Butterflies in belly, lot of attention around, many sexy guys who wish to have you. If you look further, how much of them would marry you, take a responsibility and give you love? Now, statistic is smaller, isn’t it? So, before you step into flirt zone, be careful what will your partner say about this.

Don’t stand between them

 

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Conflicts are not desirable, but life is impossible without it. Lot of things came out on surface when we get angry or if someone provokes us. If you stay out of conflict, your rival can understand this as sign of fear or weakness. If you spread claws for everything, this is also not good because people can label you as hooligan.

 

People with short fuse are somehow addicted to fights and they will wait moment to jump into argument. Few words and fists are ready for battle. Croatian tennis player Goran Ivanišević was famous as person with short fuse, one wrong word of referee and he would lose nerves. So if conflict is something what you can’t avoid, and it bothers you, there is no other choice.

What happens when we invade in other’s conflicts?

Shall we be sentry person for fights, someone who is professional intervenor in everything what is burning around?

 

 

Imagine that you have friend and someone attack him or her. What will you do? 

There are few choices.

Stay out of this.

Help your friend.

Don’t interfere on direct way, give your advice from background.

Someone will say : “I would do everything for my friends. I would die for them. ” Before you introduce yourself as hero, check out is this smart. Would you hurt yourself to help your friend? Are you sure that your friend deserve this? Are you sure that one day he will do the same for you?

Imagine situation where husband beats his wife, and you are neighbor who watch this. I know the case where neighbor hero involved into this fight and woman reported him to police. Why he touched her husband who kick her into nose? That is personal thing. And what if she stays without her nose, but this is her beloved husband. In this case, poor neighbor felt as shit.

Friends are not always people who think the same.
We might have different friend circle. Ok, i love person A, but i don’t like person B who is her friend, and i will not blame her if she likes person B. This is her choice. As long she doesn’t do secret conspiracy against me, i don’t care who are her friends. I think many friendships would be past if we would pay attention of everyone’s choice. This world is not big brotherhood. Respect me enough not to gossip me in the front of other friends, and i give you choice. I accept you as you are, even i don’t like girl who drink coffee with you.

Now, there is situation where unknown intervener try to help you in your conflict. This is as in prison, someone offers you his protection.

Why someone would like to help me, even i see him first time in my life?

Few options:

Person wants something for return. Sex, money or another favor.

Person hates someone who attacked me. So this is personal.

Person likes to act as hero. Big ego needs new food.

One night was unlucky for Robin. She lost her way home, in unknown city. Her friends left her after big argument and gone with their car. Alex offered her help, to drive her home. In the middle of this journey, Alex stopped his car and tried to kiss her. She went out and runaway.

There are very small number of people who will help you without any reason. So let’s assume that they exist. I would feel as debtor. And i would return them favor, even they don’t ask. Because that is me, i have feeling of duty and responsibility.

He doesn’t care about your past if he is into you

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One of the most salty questions between women is about their sexual status. If you ask women do they masturbate mostly will say no and hide it from publicity. If you ask them about their fetish they will cover mouth with hand and say no. If you ask them are they promiscuous they will also say no. Here i am talking about representative , average woman as example . I was talking with many women on internet, from different countries, and despite of feminism, mostly women will not talk about their privacy unless they trust you as best friend.

If you ask women are they easy or hard target, of course every woman will say that she is not easy to get. What is the point is not their level of surrender, because in some stage of life every woman will obey to one man or to make something stupid which is not for bragging about. Being easy or hard don’t make differences, the point is how much you can hold to yourself.

If you think that being unavailable makes you hard target, or that being wild makes you easy, you are in deep illusion.

Let’s see in this example. Celia is a virgin, 35 years old. Accord her religious beliefs and traditional values in her family, every woman who sleeps with man who is not her husband is dirty woman. She finds them as easy and filthy. Celia is pure and she waits for her man, also her taste is very high, so she wants to get rich man, handsome as model, gentleman who will be faithful to her. She was not without admirers cause she is not ugly, indeed she is cute average woman. What was her failure, she is not interesting catch for man’s population on the way she wanted to be. She was dating with men but they can’t touch her properly. She runs even from kiss. Her heart was broken because she did not want to sleep with her big love, so he went to have sex with another woman. Celia said ” look at me, i am hard woman, i will wait for my husband and then i will sleep with him. ” Until now, there is not candidate for her. What she did was considered as hard, but her mind was very easy. A man promised her to visit her and get marry with her. He was from another country. He did not show up even she was waiting for him. Her virgin’s mind made her as easy target for illusions, as hard target for sex adventures.

There we got to another question, what is easy, and what is hard?

Hard targets are not by default virgins, religious women, those who are rigid and unavailable for men. They could be frustrated, but not so hard.

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Real hard target is this woman:

She has attitude. If you betray her, she might sex with you, but you will get dumped after this.

She is loyal. If she chose you, she will not chase another man. She expects the same from you.

She is silent and keep your secrets and trust.

She will reject other men.

Level of easy is not tightly connected with physical touch. You might see innocent virgin who is flirting with men and don’t give chance to anyone because she is playing. You might see promiscuous woman who will stand by side and wait for the right man. When some woman is yelling : “No, he will not get me, i am not a whore. ” , there is a doubt that she doesn’t stand by her attitude. If you know you are not easy, why to prove that and to whom?

In this relations the main role is in intuition. Your availability depends on your inner voice. If you feel that man is into you, that you can trust him and that he returns you love, it will not be important what you do for him. You can sleep with him and say goodbye if you don’t feel good, that will not make you cheap. You can call him and say that you want him and you will see in his eyes how much is good this idea.

Here is statement of one man , who said the point: “My girlfriend, i was expecting that she will jump into bed with me first week. I know she was with many men after me, but she did not sleep with me 3 months. I would not change my opinion even if she did it anyway, because i liked her at first sight. It was something in her wilderness which made me impressed. “

 

Your partner is not your property

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You met someone and your heart tells you this is your soulmate. Hurry up to mark your territory , until hot sparks are in the air.

That is what some couples do. Few fast steps and their partner is already as dog, with necklace, and everybody know who is the owner.

Samuel fell in love in Nicole at first sight. She chose him between many guys and he was proud that he captured her heart. Soon, he introduce her to his family and they accepted her very good. Nicole was kind of lady, well mannered, elegant, educated and pretty. Who would not like her? Soon she was regular guest on all family dinners, every gathering and birthday was an opportunity for Samuel to promote Nicole as girlfriend.Nicole wanted to go on concert of Pearl Jam, but, gosh, it was anniversary of Samuel’s parents that Saturday so they skipped it.

They were just two months in relation, but everyone knew them as couple. Common photos at Samuel’s Facebook page were pop out every day. Nicole is having bath. Nicole eat sandwich. Nicole got period so she is so grumpy. Nicole did not put makeup, what a surprise today. Soon, friends of Samuel were confused, is that really his page? Of course, Nicole got password too. Samuel lost his identity in this relation, even Nicole did not asked for it.

One day all changed. Nicole announced that she got job in another city. It was great business opportunity for her and she said she will move to find flat there. Samuel had obligations on his work and he could not accept her terms to move together with her. He wanted to wait. But Nicole was stubborn and she made distance with him. They were still in relation, but she was with him just once at week. Samuel’s family asked where is Nicole, they gave advices to him, even his brother call her to give his opinion about this relation. They all interfere between them. Finally she lost nerves and left him.

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Why to rush in serious relation if you are not sure or you are not ready? 
What starts so suddenly it will finish fast. Nicole and Samuel were couples as from cover magazine, so popular and perfect, but they were irritating. They raised dust and when circumstances changed, all gone in few seconds.

It is nice to declare your love because you wish that everyone confirm and know about your happiness. But, if you don’t know person very well, why to rush? You can involve your friends and family in something misty and they will also pay price for you. Who is that girl? Who is that gorgeous young man? What you know about them? Our ego will feed with their appearance , because other people will be envious.

Sometimes that is matter of our vanity. Let’s expose our better half because she is gorgeous. Finally, i have something to talk about . Samuel had average look and bad job, but Nicole was a star. She was his ticket to showtime. He found horse for race and his friends could finally shut up and stop to think about him as a loser.

That love was on the stage, something what makes others to talk about. Also, it did not end well, because she did not have enough space for her freedom. If you rush to catch your soulmate, to hold her too tight, it will break in pieces.

If you love someone let it go. If that person returns to you, that love is real. If not, it was just relation in your fantasy.