anxiety · character · crises · happiness · illusion · lesson · lies · relations

Reality check and illusions

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People use to say: “You live in illusion. ” “You need reality check. “

What is indeed illusion?

Absence of real beliefs.

Flying on cloud instead of walking on the ground.

Too big expectations.

Impossible aims.

Reality check is cold shower, something what people need when they fly too high. There must be a difference between vision and dream. Vision is based on real expectation, but dream is based on imagination.

I wish to get marry for Brad Pitt. This is dellusional example.

I wish to buy new dress, which is too expensive for me but not impossible to buy.

Sometimes, people with manipulation skills will hold dellusional people in traps , because on this way they can feed their ego.

Woman X lives in USA. She promised man from Turkey that she will come to visit him. She delayed her arrival first for 6 months, then for a year. Then she said she will come in summer and later in winter. He is still waiting for her but she hesitates and wants to get on time. He is afraid to travel to see her so both are in ungrateful position. Their illusion is more beautiful than reality so they stick on safe ground of their dream because reality is insecure.

Did you stuck in kind of illusion?

How you deal with this?

These are consequences of life in illusion :

Awakening in tears.

Cuts of some connections which were based on dreams.

Loss of trust and confidence.

Loss of hope.

Black white insight on life.

Why people hold on their imaginary hopes, even deep inside they know it will not work out?

Well, i remember movie “The escape from Alcatraz. ” Man was painter, and he knew he will not get out from prison but he will make his life easier by drawing. When headmaster of jail took him his tools and material, he made suicide.

If you want to kill person inside, kill his dream. Kill hope that something is worth living or that some day will be better.

Reality check is not for all people, some are born to live in dreams because they don’t know how to walk on the ground. Mama’s boy will rather live with his mother than to ask woman to marry. Unemployed guy will rather sleep at home than ask for a job. Woman who is unhappy in love will rather hold on her problematic marriage or relation.

Illusions feed us, the same way as they made us damage. Who wish to get out from that poisoned circle must be aware that this is not healthy life.

I was in illusion that one friendship will last forever. Guy said me : “Life can separate you and your friend. ” He was in right, once when she gone in another city she never asked for me.

After you break illusion, there is something brighter. Empty space for someone special, for something special, but this time you wear safe glasses and you know where you will go .

cyber · cyber space · depression · internet · lesson · lies · relations

How much internet affects your real life?

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Secret is something hidden and we don’t want to reveal this to everybody. Now days, secrets have different meaning, because if you share secret to someone at internet, don’t be so sure that you will keep this safe.

Bertha was very surprised when her mother in law come into  her house . She was so angry that she attacked Bertha in the same minute when she opened door.

– What i heard about you ? That you will divorce from my son?

All was clear, because Bertha had small argument with her husband Roy and she wrote in her Facebook status “divorced.” She wanted to show him that she is still desirable because he was adding pretty girls into his page and commented their photos on nasty way. Bertha was angry so she changed status. Even she had this status only one night , she got many private messages from worried people and some new friend requests. Also someone with bad intentions called her mother in law to tell her bad news.

Bertha invited her on coffee to explain what is going on. Her mother in law is primitive woman. She raised on village, between pigs and cows and she has no idea about social networks, she even doesn’t know to turn on computer. But, she knows one fact, that people will talk bad about her son and his wife because they will divorce. How she will explain this to relatives and neighbors?

– Don’t worry, it was only a joke. Please calm down.

– How will i calm down? You embarrassed your children, how i will go to market and look people in the eyes?

 

Indeed, secrets and privacy are modified on internet. 

If you work at workplace with strict rules, don’t appear on social networks in provocative clothes or don’t put photos from parties. Especially don’t write name of your workplace and then gossips about your bosses. Don’t open page with your real name and your address. You want to tell the world who are you and that you are successful, but take care, not everybody will like you. Some people are malicious. For example, someone reported Lisa to her headmaster because Lisa was admin on one social forum about love problems. Lisa had big troubles to explain at work why she write on forum during work time. 

When we are angry, sad, excited, even drunk, computer is good as tool to throw out feelings from ourselves. Let’s write, send messages, post photos. Later, we can regret. Someone will be hurt. Someone wants to get revenge. Some people are waiting in ambush for victims, busybodies want to dig into other lives because they don’t have own problems. 

When you log in on internet, it is like you are guest on radio or television reality show. What you had for breakfast? Which sexual pose you like the most? What is your middle name? Don’t worry, everybody will find out. 

Even worse, you are under virtual magnifier. Everything you said or did might have double meaning. 

behavior · character · drama · lesson · life · loyalty · mindful · relations

4 steps how to be selfish

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Selfishness is a trap without bottom. Everyone will fall into this seduced by own desires and wishes. The main difference is in control, how much are we able to resist and fight against this demonic feeling?

Every human relation will consider selfishness as enemy. Mother can’t be selfish, friends can’t think only about their needs, lovers must share things and accept opinions from other side.

How you will recognize this moment when you were selfish?

Selfishness will develop from small seed into monster plant. 

First stage: you are talking only about yourself, even you are not alone. “I think we should go there. You need to accept my proposition, i know the best.”

Second stage: denials of other wishes and needs. “I think you are not so experienced to do this. Let me do this.”

Third stage: you do mistakes, but you don’t want to admit it. “What, did i mistake? It could not happen to me, i am perfect. “

Fourth stage : you will blame others that they hurt you, without seeing your contribution. “But you insulted me and i slap you. You provoke me so i broke your nose.”

When person is selfish, she will made small circle. There will be people who are made accord her wishes. That people will clap their hands for all her actions, they will confirm what she is doing even she does wrong. This circle will be closed for everyone who thinks different. Ego is creator of this circle and such person doesn’t allow criticism or different opinions. This is small world and dictator is sitting on big chair surrounded by his smarmy friends.

The most beautiful relations develop from differences. When someone make a challenge, he will not insult you. An opposite, this person tests you how much you are brave to accept differences. The best friends i made are those i had some argument at the beginning. Once when we agreed about our preferences, we made great healthy deal. 

You can see good example of selfishness at internet pages. Add me, chat with me, like my page, accept my tags. All this is nice and interesting, but what you offer for return? Silence, ignorance, arrogance or just a hint that others are too small for you?

Famous persons are celebrities because their fans made this from them. Without audience, every cocky star would be nothing. 

Selfishness will show her dark face once when you lose friends or person who is owner of your heart. This is only medicine for egoists, because then they will be finally faced with themselves. 

“Mirror, mirror who is the most beautiful woman in the world? It must be me.” Like in old fairy tale, your ego wants to kill all rivals , but the biggest rival is inside of you. 

drama · dreams · ego · illusion · infidelity · lesson · lies · relations

He was temporary in your life

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Knife in the back is the most painful tool of suffering. That is double scar: we are betrayed by someone who had our trust and we are fooled by our visions. Don’t blame yourself, you are not the first neither last who experienced this.
Once i meet someone who gave me love, at least it looked like this. That person kissed ground where i was walking. Until our relation was place for harmony, everything was perfect. Situation changed during the first conflict. Suddenly, i was not beautiful woman of his dreams. I was smug , bitch and devil. Then i noticed pattern : it happened everytime when i had different opinion about something. That relation turned on real war and we finished as enemies. All we could agree in the end, was to break every connection between us.
People will ask : “How wonderful love can turn into incredible pain? “
If you can turn back movie , you will look at things with different eyes. Real love can’t transform into hate. It will happen only with so called love.
Let’s compare real love with “so called ” love.
 
Real love:
Partner accepts your opinion, even he disagrees.
Partner forgives your mistakes and admits his mistakes too.
You are both progressing together.
There is no envy and jealousy on personal success between partners.
 You are not his competition, you are his soulmate.
He try to understand your bad mood and you cheer him up in every opportunity.
So called love:
Partner try to push his opinion as rule.
Partner blames you for old mistakes in the past , he is judging you.
You can’t progress with him, because he drags you down.
He is jealous if you have bigger salary or better job.
He see you as his rival. 
You are doormat for his bad mood.
He is your big love today, and he will be your bigger enemy tomorrow. How does it happen? At first sight, you forgot to see holes in your relation. This holes become with time bigger and bigger. Lack of trust, seed of doubts, sting of jealousy. When all this connect into big circle, poison is ready. If you don’t heal this on time, you will get sick.
Yesterday he kissed you, you made love. Today this kiss is kiss of death, because he doesn’t love you anymore. Who was indeed in your bed?
How you will find out the truth? Do you want to know did your ex partner really loved you?
When you break up with him, some fact will tell you about your love.
 
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What bad guy says?
He brags bad things about you.
Everyone knows details from your bedroom.
He try to manipulate with your friends to get them on his side.
He is following you around, together with his new girlfriend.
What good guy says?
He will be silent, and if anybody ask , he will not give explanations.
All private things which you said to him will stay secret.
He will not follow you around, and if he has new girlfriend, he will not involve her in your story.
He will stay out from your friends. They are not topic of your conflict.
 
Your ex love could be wonderful memory or bad burden from the past. At least, you learnt what you don’t need in your life anymore.
behavior · character · couples · crises · drama · ego · lesson · life · relations

On the same frequency as your partner

“Did you hear me?” This is basic question for any person who is not sure does someone listen to her. Skill of listening is basic of friendship and love relation, because if our partner or friend can’t focus on conversation, we are talking with ourselves.

Nobody expect that you follow other words as echo and that you repeat every detail. Also, you don’t have to close your mouth and turn into numb observer. Be silent, look into eyes of your source and later you can offer your opinion. Sounds simple? Many people don’t know difference between preaching and advises, and also they will interrupt your speech before you finish this, because they have no patience and manners.

When someone ask an advice from you, respect their dignity.

How to give good advice?

Don’t look at person from heights. You are not priest, for sure you are not God and there is no reason for underestimation. Everybody makes mistakes and next time you will be in this situation.

Don’t act like teacher. Nobody likes lessons, that remind people on school and boring teachers. Advice should be useful thing, not homework.

Don’t feel sorry for person. If you look at your friend as she is an invalid, she will hate you secretly. She needs understanding, not condolence.

Use jokes. If your advice is expressed on funny way, like ” if you die, we will meet in hell”, person will smile and feel better.

Don’t remind person that you gave them advises if they fail. Words “i told you” are not desirable. Nobody wants to feel as shit.

It is very important that your partner is person who knows how to listen


If he or she can’t understand you or if they have no time for your problems, why are you in this relation? Imagine this humiliating situation. You are talking about bad day at your work, and your boyfriend is playing game on internet or watching football match during this conversation. When you ask him about his opinion, he says : “Wow, i am at level 33 of Candy crush saga” or “look at this goal, Messi is genius”. Or, if you ask him did you do right thing, he says “yes you do” , even you talked about ways how to kill your boss. You can check his attention very easy, by asking him questions , if you feel that he is not following you.

We all know that our interests are various. Men don’t want to listen about makeup or knitting, and women don’t want to talk about football or cars. For the sake of your relation, exchange your impressions just to show him or her that you care. It doesn’t matter if you think that Messi is a jerk and if he thinks that your lipstick is similar color as clown mouth. 

Skills of listening are kind of respect, and it is not hard to use it. Just to check are you in the same frequency with your partner.

friendship · gossip · internet · lesson · moral · prejudices · psychology · society

Virtual friend – Trojan horse or diamond?

Do you have lot of friends? If you are popular person, probably everyone will call you on birthday, party or any kind of celebration, because you are necessary part of such events.

Now, another question is: Do you have lot of virtual friends?

Together with appearance of internet, friendship got new meaning. Virtual friendship is turn on, and people try to add more and more unknown persons, just to be popular in virtual space. So, you will see around girls in swimsuits , how they have lists of about 3000 “friends”. 

Let’s make an analysis of this kind of friends. Woman x has big Facebook list , because her photo is under avatar of some popular actress or she posted half naked photographs , to pull attention on herself.

Who are these people, and are they really friends?

50% of this list are people who never talked with her. They are collectors of numbers.

25% of this list are people who sent her messages because of her photos. They are searching for sex or flirt.

10% are colleagues from work or school mates. They talk with her or gossip what she wears that day.

5% are her relatives, including brothers or sisters. 

10% are her real friends, they care about her or maybe not, depends of situation.

One day woman x got virus and asked for a culprit. That virus arrived from 50% group of friends. She never talked with sender because she did not saw his messages , her inbox was full of spam. 

When people talk in public ” i want to be your friend”, they often doesn’t know the meaning. Friendship is not based by invitations for applications, boring games, liking boring pages or posting tags around. People who ask for that are interested for attention, not for real friendship. 

Did we forget what friendship really is, when internet appeared as technological tool for gathering people? When we started to ignore people from our real life, because some exotic stranger posted awesome profile photo which capture our eyes?

Imagine situation that you have a flu. You will not be able to post on internet, or you will shortly log in, before you go to bed. You will cry ” i am sick” and expect condolence from people. Some will use an opportunity to post behind your back and spam your wall with tags, others will gossip you around, and minority will send you message to get well. 

Why is this happening?

Virtual friends are strangers. If you don’t know them well, especially if you never talked with them, you can’t expect their loyalty and respect. They came from different countries, cultures and traditions. Even their law is different. What is rude for Asian people is maybe polite for European people. If your virtual friend is person who never came out from his city, it will be hard to understand your habits , if you are open minded creature.

This 5 signs will show you if your virtual friend is person with good intentions:

When you are not here, he asks about you, your health, your problems. He sent messages because he cares.

He will not leave your page if you had conflict with him.

He will not post things without your permission.

He will not share your personal photos, unless you allow this.

He will not flirt with your girlfriend, and she will not flirt with your boyfriend.

 

Virtual people are team. If you can feel their loyalty during years, if they don’t change their opinion about you, you are on the right way. It is not matter do you have 20 or 500 friends, or you can’t add more people because your quote is 5000 already. The point is, that you found right people for trust. One day you can meet some of them or they can help you in hard times.  Depends to whom you give hand. You can get Trojan horse or real diamond.

business · career · character · internet · lesson · life · psychology · relations · society

The principle of reciprocity

 

Quid pro quo, that is an old Latin proverb. It means , give and take. If you ask for favor , i will do it, but next time i will need feedback. If you don’t want to help me i will consider you as selfish. Ask next time something from me and you will not get it.

Human relations should be based on reciprocity, as we have two hands on one body. I give you love and i expect your love for return. I am loyal to you, i will not screw you, but also i am not a fool. If you think that i am not worthy of your respect and loyalty, for sure i will know this and you will lose my affection.

Selfish person will hardly understand meaning of reciprocity. So, i am used that others please to my wishes. It comes out from childhood. Mother made cake for me but i don’t want to wash dishes. She will wash instead of me. My friend did my homework because i did not know how. She asked me to borrow her skirt, but i can’t do this, i don’t lend my clothes. Selfish person is one sided personality. That kind of person will receive, but never give for return. She has always right and only her opinion is important. As dictators in history, that people are masters and others are slaves. 

Selfishness will exist so long until other will accept her existence. Sonia lives with mother even she has 40 years. So her mother is doing all kind of job in this flat, but Sonia always paint nails, read and she is princess who would make her hands dirty with such kind of work. One day mother got sick, and Sonia was forced to cook her tea and make a lunch. Then she saw her selfishness. Mother could die and her last act would be making favorite meal for Sonia.

We cannot be soft accord selfish people. They must be faced with their character. If you do accord their wishes, you will never warn on your rights and needs. Indeed, you don’t exist if your boyfriend or friend never did nothing for you, to make you happy. 

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Reactions  might be various. Egocentric will swallow bitter mug.

They can make angry. What, this is thanks for me because i am your friend 10 years? I can’t guess what you wish. 

They can feel guilty. Sorry, i did not know that my acts hurt you. I will try to make it better.

They will not admit. No, this is not true. I do things for you but you don’t see this.

They can ask for replacement. Well, if you are not satisfy with me, i will find another friend. I will find another woman who will make me happy. Someone will appreciate me more than you.

What is reason of other selfishness? Simple example from virtual world. People ask for likes on their pages but they don’t want to give likes for return. Why is that?

Some conclusions:

Well, i can’t promise you return. If you wish like my page , if you don’t want no problem. 

I am famous, so you need to kiss my knees, be happy because you are my friend.

I am too busy with myself, i have no time for others.

In generally, selfishness is ugly. You do many efforts to make close with selfish person, but she underestimate you. At the end you feel as an idiot. 

An opposite, when you have friend who understand principle of reciprocity, you feel as you found your lost part. You give and receive. This is spontaneously, you don’t need to force or beg, simply that person knows that you are happy with such treatment.

Give and don’t expect nothing for return is incomplete thought. Maybe you don’t expect but for sure you will be disappointed if you don’t get what you wanted. Or, you are asking in wrong place?

business · career · illusion · lesson · psychology · responsibility · rules · society

Bureaucracy is not dead yet

Hans Christian Andersen wrote story “Emperor’s new clothes”, about emperor who hired two contractors for his new clothes and they deceived him. They stole money for some materials which were invisible accord them, and they convince emperor that his new clothes is created only for him, but on different way. The emperor was indeed naked because they did not give him nothing. When he walked nude in publicity , nobody from the crowd had no courage to tell that he is indeed naked, just little child said the truth.

This emperor was not good man, worthy of sorrow. He spend all money for his pleasures, and people in his country were poor and hungry. Still they adored him and they looked at world from his eyes, until little child did not stop this illusion.

Situation did not changed much nowadays. Even humanity passed into different society systems, from feudalism into socialism, communism and capitalism , some things stayed the same.

If one country needs adjustment time between two systems, situation is even worse. Like Frankenstein who created monster, in this countries monster will be mixed with different values from few systems.

Look at job in civil services in Croatia.  There are remains of bureaucracy, we can see touch of Tito even he is not alive already 34 years. On one side, authorities in civil services will behave as pupils of Staljin, and from other hand, they will ask discipline and IT knowledge from capitalism. So we can see poor people who don’t know IT skills, even basic as copy paste button, but they will have responsibility to lead whole department.

One day, in one Croatian firm, Vesna called on the phone. She was in panic. Vesna is boss of the department and she doesn’t know what to do because she pressed insert button and she can’t type normally on keyboard. Other problem was option track change, she did not know how to use this to make changes in her document. She called her good friend Antonija, who worked in the same workplace.

I will not help you anymore dear. This is shame. You are boss, you need to learn something about computers. Someone will laugh to you.

Next case reminds on iron fist of Staljin. Melita had fever and she called her boss in Monday to notify her that she is sick.

What? You need to give me password of your computer. Do you hear me? How you can’t come today? We have deadline.

Her boss Slavica was in panic, she did not ask Melita how she feels. She was yelling as lunatic. She treated Melita as she is cow on the farm who did not give much milk.

Times are changing, but some people are not ready. As monster of Frankenstein, they will walk confused and do big damage in their business structures. 

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What is worse, weak people will obey to authorities. 

This time Melita said that empress is naked. She went to higher boss and said about her treatment. Even Slavica was rude, she pretended kindness, like emperor who was nude, but he faked that he wears special clothes.

Slavica was boss on department and some people afraid of her, they did all accord her orders, even she made mistakes. But they were not here to think with own brains. They were here to repeat and write what Slavica said. Melita was black sheep so she expose her in front of others.

Until people will obey to authorities, there is no progress. Someone must give orders, but not closed minded people as Vesna and Slavica. They are side effect of communism. They are bureaucracy, small minded and limited women. They watch on other people as numbers, and their knowledge stopped in time when they finished university, in ex Yugoslavia.

Tito died, but his ideas survived in some areas, as evil remains with resistant roots.

character · crises · cyber space · depression · drama · flirt · kiss · lesson · lovers · relations

Date from nightmare

 

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It is first date and you want to hear good impression about yourself. Think before speak, and when you speak behave yourself. It is very different situation when you sit in front of person which you don’t know well. You can use profanity if you meet with your best friend because he got used to it. Well, if you say “hello hootie” to girl on first date, you will be labelled as jerk. In this case girl might feel cheap or as your number, and you sound as someone without manners.

 

Young guys are often not aware that girls are sensitive, and what sounds as joke could be bad echo in their ears, as mocking.

What she doesn’t want to hear?

– you look fat in this skirt

– these boots look cheap

– there is something in your breath, did you eat garlic for dinner?

– you remind me on my ex girl

– can you pay this bill, i have no enough money for tonight

Also, girls sometimes not understand that man is not their therapist, mother or shoulder for crying.

 


What he doesn’t want to hear?


I have so painful period, i bleed so much.

– Do you like my makeup?

– What type of car you drive? 

– My ex boyfriend is here, i feel so nervous.

– Do you think i am pretty?

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This is story from real life.

Sandra and Darren went to date and he took her out of the city. This was small coffee bar with so loud folk music that she did not hear what he is talking. They waited for a waiter for a half hour and they were not alone, because Darren met his best friend with girlfriend so they shared table with them. That girl provoked Sandra that Darren is indeed womanizer and that he will not be faithful to her. She said she was joking, but Sandra felt very unpleasant.

Second date never happened.

If you wish to avoid date from nightmare:

be alone with your partner

– don’t talk about ex 

– try to choose quiet place 

– focus on her or him

– don’t look at your cell phone every 10 minutes

– don’t stare in every good looking person around

You want to arrange second date, isn’t it? Think about things you said because first date can be the last if you do many mistakes. 


Some people are flexible and they will forgive mistakes, but next time they will look at you with doubts. First impression doesn’t come twice and you can’t fix it. You might learn what you do wrong, so next partner will have more luck.

freedom · friendship · lesson · life · loyalty · psychology · relations

Best friends are not for granted

Ernest Hemingway said that a man is not an island. We need interaction with people, and some of them will be our friends. What kind of person is friend?

For sure there is difference between acquaintance and friendship. If we greet someone at the street, it doesn’t mean this is our friend. If we work with someone in the same office, we have no obligation to be friends either. The same is with neighbors, we can be polite, but it is not our duty to share privacy with them.

Someone can have internet profile with thousands friends. Only word friend doesn’t reveal what is inside of this. People at page can be only numbers to increase friend list, many of them you will never know or exchange even word hello with them.

What makes someone real friend is much bigger than daily greetings and few kind words. Look at how many people will come if you prepare celebration, party or if you accidentally won at lottery. Wow, how much friends love you! This is not real image. 

If you have debts, if you are passing hard divorce or you are depressed and without job, these kind of friends will melt as ice on the sun. Where are such friends now?

Also, people can be conformists who will sacrifice you for the sake of their group. You doesn’t fit in some friend circles, so they will throw you out. 

Best friend is person who will not give you useless advices or talk about himself when you need someone who will listen to you

This kind of person will not runaway when you are in trouble. He or she will not flirt with your partner , copy your style or compete with you. This kind of people are rivals, not friends, they are backstabbers and it is not pleasant to walk with knife in your back.

Everyone likes nice words and promises, but act will reveal real friend. Someone who do an opposite from his words is not stable and trustful person. He can sit on two chairs and play for both teams from selfish interests.

Be careful before you call someone best friend. It is not matter how long you know this person. Important is, what this person do for you all this time. How much loyalty and stability you got from him? Do you want to smile or cry when you remember her face?

Best friend is person with guarantee, someone you can count it. This skill is proved a long time ago.