Nostalgia is seductive liar

It was better before. I remember how we had fun and smile. These times will never come back.

If you use any of this sentences, it means you are nostalgic. You regret for past times and you want jump into time machine to be there again.

 

Usually, people became nostalgic by ages. When someone can’t fit in new trends or changes, result will be flashback. Often we can heard from elder people how much they were respected before. Also, if old woman look into her photo album, she will say : ” I was so beautiful, look at me now.”

Nostalgia is delusional feeling. It is not true that it was better before, maybe is easier to remember something what made you smile, to handle daily routine on better way. Indeed, people who live in the past are not progressing.

The main question about nostalgia is: “If that time was so awesome, why it did not continue?” 

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This is the same feeling as when you had breakup with your love. You remember her smile and her long hair, mutual jokes and how you woke up every morning with her. This past movie is spinning in front of your eyes. Your memories are so alive that it causes tears in your eyes. You remember how that guy kissed you and gave you surprises for your birthday, how you fed swans with him and this made you sad.

Nostalgia is a liar. You remember good things and forget bad. If you live in past, you stuck on sweet memories. Did you forget how that girl spent all your money without your knowledge about it? You don’t remember when this sweet guy cheated you?

Nostalgia appears in bad circumstances. 

So, now i feel bad and i will regret for past times. It can make situation worse. Let’s look better into future. Past is black, present is grey, but maybe future is pink. Remove this grey curtain of nostalgia, your view is too foggy.

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Reality check and illusions

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People use to say: “You live in illusion. ” “You need reality check. “

What is indeed illusion?

Absence of real beliefs.

Flying on cloud instead of walking on the ground.

Too big expectations.

Impossible aims.

Reality check is cold shower, something what people need when they fly too high. There must be a difference between vision and dream. Vision is based on real expectation, but dream is based on imagination.

I wish to get marry for Brad Pitt. This is dellusional example.

I wish to buy new dress, which is too expensive for me but not impossible to buy.

Sometimes, people with manipulation skills will hold dellusional people in traps , because on this way they can feed their ego.

Woman X lives in USA. She promised man from Turkey that she will come to visit him. She delayed her arrival first for 6 months, then for a year. Then she said she will come in summer and later in winter. He is still waiting for her but she hesitates and wants to get on time. He is afraid to travel to see her so both are in ungrateful position. Their illusion is more beautiful than reality so they stick on safe ground of their dream because reality is insecure.

Did you stuck in kind of illusion?

How you deal with this?

These are consequences of life in illusion :

Awakening in tears.

Cuts of some connections which were based on dreams.

Loss of trust and confidence.

Loss of hope.

Black white insight on life.

Why people hold on their imaginary hopes, even deep inside they know it will not work out?

Well, i remember movie “The escape from Alcatraz. ” Man was painter, and he knew he will not get out from prison but he will make his life easier by drawing. When headmaster of jail took him his tools and material, he made suicide.

If you want to kill person inside, kill his dream. Kill hope that something is worth living or that some day will be better.

Reality check is not for all people, some are born to live in dreams because they don’t know how to walk on the ground. Mama’s boy will rather live with his mother than to ask woman to marry. Unemployed guy will rather sleep at home than ask for a job. Woman who is unhappy in love will rather hold on her problematic marriage or relation.

Illusions feed us, the same way as they made us damage. Who wish to get out from that poisoned circle must be aware that this is not healthy life.

I was in illusion that one friendship will last forever. Guy said me : “Life can separate you and your friend. ” He was in right, once when she gone in another city she never asked for me.

After you break illusion, there is something brighter. Empty space for someone special, for something special, but this time you wear safe glasses and you know where you will go .

How much internet affects your real life?

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Secret is something hidden and we don’t want to reveal this to everybody. Now days, secrets have different meaning, because if you share secret to someone at internet, don’t be so sure that you will keep this safe.

Bertha was very surprised when her mother in law come into  her house . She was so angry that she attacked Bertha in the same minute when she opened door.

– What i heard about you ? That you will divorce from my son?

All was clear, because Bertha had small argument with her husband Roy and she wrote in her Facebook status “divorced.” She wanted to show him that she is still desirable because he was adding pretty girls into his page and commented their photos on nasty way. Bertha was angry so she changed status. Even she had this status only one night , she got many private messages from worried people and some new friend requests. Also someone with bad intentions called her mother in law to tell her bad news.

Bertha invited her on coffee to explain what is going on. Her mother in law is primitive woman. She raised on village, between pigs and cows and she has no idea about social networks, she even doesn’t know to turn on computer. But, she knows one fact, that people will talk bad about her son and his wife because they will divorce. How she will explain this to relatives and neighbors?

– Don’t worry, it was only a joke. Please calm down.

– How will i calm down? You embarrassed your children, how i will go to market and look people in the eyes?

 

Indeed, secrets and privacy are modified on internet. 

If you work at workplace with strict rules, don’t appear on social networks in provocative clothes or don’t put photos from parties. Especially don’t write name of your workplace and then gossips about your bosses. Don’t open page with your real name and your address. You want to tell the world who are you and that you are successful, but take care, not everybody will like you. Some people are malicious. For example, someone reported Lisa to her headmaster because Lisa was admin on one social forum about love problems. Lisa had big troubles to explain at work why she write on forum during work time. 

When we are angry, sad, excited, even drunk, computer is good as tool to throw out feelings from ourselves. Let’s write, send messages, post photos. Later, we can regret. Someone will be hurt. Someone wants to get revenge. Some people are waiting in ambush for victims, busybodies want to dig into other lives because they don’t have own problems. 

When you log in on internet, it is like you are guest on radio or television reality show. What you had for breakfast? Which sexual pose you like the most? What is your middle name? Don’t worry, everybody will find out. 

Even worse, you are under virtual magnifier. Everything you said or did might have double meaning. 

4 steps how to be selfish

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Selfishness is a trap without bottom. Everyone will fall into this seduced by own desires and wishes. The main difference is in control, how much are we able to resist and fight against this demonic feeling?

Every human relation will consider selfishness as enemy. Mother can’t be selfish, friends can’t think only about their needs, lovers must share things and accept opinions from other side.

How you will recognize this moment when you were selfish?

Selfishness will develop from small seed into monster plant. 

First stage: you are talking only about yourself, even you are not alone. “I think we should go there. You need to accept my proposition, i know the best.”

Second stage: denials of other wishes and needs. “I think you are not so experienced to do this. Let me do this.”

Third stage: you do mistakes, but you don’t want to admit it. “What, did i mistake? It could not happen to me, i am perfect. “

Fourth stage : you will blame others that they hurt you, without seeing your contribution. “But you insulted me and i slap you. You provoke me so i broke your nose.”

When person is selfish, she will made small circle. There will be people who are made accord her wishes. That people will clap their hands for all her actions, they will confirm what she is doing even she does wrong. This circle will be closed for everyone who thinks different. Ego is creator of this circle and such person doesn’t allow criticism or different opinions. This is small world and dictator is sitting on big chair surrounded by his smarmy friends.

The most beautiful relations develop from differences. When someone make a challenge, he will not insult you. An opposite, this person tests you how much you are brave to accept differences. The best friends i made are those i had some argument at the beginning. Once when we agreed about our preferences, we made great healthy deal. 

You can see good example of selfishness at internet pages. Add me, chat with me, like my page, accept my tags. All this is nice and interesting, but what you offer for return? Silence, ignorance, arrogance or just a hint that others are too small for you?

Famous persons are celebrities because their fans made this from them. Without audience, every cocky star would be nothing. 

Selfishness will show her dark face once when you lose friends or person who is owner of your heart. This is only medicine for egoists, because then they will be finally faced with themselves. 

“Mirror, mirror who is the most beautiful woman in the world? It must be me.” Like in old fairy tale, your ego wants to kill all rivals , but the biggest rival is inside of you. 

He was temporary in your life

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Knife in the back is the most painful tool of suffering. That is double scar: we are betrayed by someone who had our trust and we are fooled by our visions. Don’t blame yourself, you are not the first neither last who experienced this.
Once i meet someone who gave me love, at least it looked like this. That person kissed ground where i was walking. Until our relation was place for harmony, everything was perfect. Situation changed during the first conflict. Suddenly, i was not beautiful woman of his dreams. I was smug , bitch and devil. Then i noticed pattern : it happened everytime when i had different opinion about something. That relation turned on real war and we finished as enemies. All we could agree in the end, was to break every connection between us.
People will ask : “How wonderful love can turn into incredible pain? “
If you can turn back movie , you will look at things with different eyes. Real love can’t transform into hate. It will happen only with so called love.
Let’s compare real love with “so called ” love.
 
Real love:
Partner accepts your opinion, even he disagrees.
Partner forgives your mistakes and admits his mistakes too.
You are both progressing together.
There is no envy and jealousy on personal success between partners.
 You are not his competition, you are his soulmate.
He try to understand your bad mood and you cheer him up in every opportunity.
So called love:
Partner try to push his opinion as rule.
Partner blames you for old mistakes in the past , he is judging you.
You can’t progress with him, because he drags you down.
He is jealous if you have bigger salary or better job.
He see you as his rival. 
You are doormat for his bad mood.
He is your big love today, and he will be your bigger enemy tomorrow. How does it happen? At first sight, you forgot to see holes in your relation. This holes become with time bigger and bigger. Lack of trust, seed of doubts, sting of jealousy. When all this connect into big circle, poison is ready. If you don’t heal this on time, you will get sick.
Yesterday he kissed you, you made love. Today this kiss is kiss of death, because he doesn’t love you anymore. Who was indeed in your bed?
How you will find out the truth? Do you want to know did your ex partner really loved you?
When you break up with him, some fact will tell you about your love.
 
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What bad guy says?
He brags bad things about you.
Everyone knows details from your bedroom.
He try to manipulate with your friends to get them on his side.
He is following you around, together with his new girlfriend.
What good guy says?
He will be silent, and if anybody ask , he will not give explanations.
All private things which you said to him will stay secret.
He will not follow you around, and if he has new girlfriend, he will not involve her in your story.
He will stay out from your friends. They are not topic of your conflict.
 
Your ex love could be wonderful memory or bad burden from the past. At least, you learnt what you don’t need in your life anymore.

On the same frequency as your partner

“Did you hear me?” This is basic question for any person who is not sure does someone listen to her. Skill of listening is basic of friendship and love relation, because if our partner or friend can’t focus on conversation, we are talking with ourselves.

Nobody expect that you follow other words as echo and that you repeat every detail. Also, you don’t have to close your mouth and turn into numb observer. Be silent, look into eyes of your source and later you can offer your opinion. Sounds simple? Many people don’t know difference between preaching and advises, and also they will interrupt your speech before you finish this, because they have no patience and manners.

When someone ask an advice from you, respect their dignity.

How to give good advice?

Don’t look at person from heights. You are not priest, for sure you are not God and there is no reason for underestimation. Everybody makes mistakes and next time you will be in this situation.

Don’t act like teacher. Nobody likes lessons, that remind people on school and boring teachers. Advice should be useful thing, not homework.

Don’t feel sorry for person. If you look at your friend as she is an invalid, she will hate you secretly. She needs understanding, not condolence.

Use jokes. If your advice is expressed on funny way, like ” if you die, we will meet in hell”, person will smile and feel better.

Don’t remind person that you gave them advises if they fail. Words “i told you” are not desirable. Nobody wants to feel as shit.

It is very important that your partner is person who knows how to listen


If he or she can’t understand you or if they have no time for your problems, why are you in this relation? Imagine this humiliating situation. You are talking about bad day at your work, and your boyfriend is playing game on internet or watching football match during this conversation. When you ask him about his opinion, he says : “Wow, i am at level 33 of Candy crush saga” or “look at this goal, Messi is genius”. Or, if you ask him did you do right thing, he says “yes you do” , even you talked about ways how to kill your boss. You can check his attention very easy, by asking him questions , if you feel that he is not following you.

We all know that our interests are various. Men don’t want to listen about makeup or knitting, and women don’t want to talk about football or cars. For the sake of your relation, exchange your impressions just to show him or her that you care. It doesn’t matter if you think that Messi is a jerk and if he thinks that your lipstick is similar color as clown mouth. 

Skills of listening are kind of respect, and it is not hard to use it. Just to check are you in the same frequency with your partner.

Virtual friend – Trojan horse or diamond?

Do you have lot of friends? If you are popular person, probably everyone will call you on birthday, party or any kind of celebration, because you are necessary part of such events.

Now, another question is: Do you have lot of virtual friends?

Together with appearance of internet, friendship got new meaning. Virtual friendship is turn on, and people try to add more and more unknown persons, just to be popular in virtual space. So, you will see around girls in swimsuits , how they have lists of about 3000 “friends”. 

Let’s make an analysis of this kind of friends. Woman x has big Facebook list , because her photo is under avatar of some popular actress or she posted half naked photographs , to pull attention on herself.

Who are these people, and are they really friends?

50% of this list are people who never talked with her. They are collectors of numbers.

25% of this list are people who sent her messages because of her photos. They are searching for sex or flirt.

10% are colleagues from work or school mates. They talk with her or gossip what she wears that day.

5% are her relatives, including brothers or sisters. 

10% are her real friends, they care about her or maybe not, depends of situation.

One day woman x got virus and asked for a culprit. That virus arrived from 50% group of friends. She never talked with sender because she did not saw his messages , her inbox was full of spam. 

When people talk in public ” i want to be your friend”, they often doesn’t know the meaning. Friendship is not based by invitations for applications, boring games, liking boring pages or posting tags around. People who ask for that are interested for attention, not for real friendship. 

Did we forget what friendship really is, when internet appeared as technological tool for gathering people? When we started to ignore people from our real life, because some exotic stranger posted awesome profile photo which capture our eyes?

Imagine situation that you have a flu. You will not be able to post on internet, or you will shortly log in, before you go to bed. You will cry ” i am sick” and expect condolence from people. Some will use an opportunity to post behind your back and spam your wall with tags, others will gossip you around, and minority will send you message to get well. 

Why is this happening?

Virtual friends are strangers. If you don’t know them well, especially if you never talked with them, you can’t expect their loyalty and respect. They came from different countries, cultures and traditions. Even their law is different. What is rude for Asian people is maybe polite for European people. If your virtual friend is person who never came out from his city, it will be hard to understand your habits , if you are open minded creature.

This 5 signs will show you if your virtual friend is person with good intentions:

When you are not here, he asks about you, your health, your problems. He sent messages because he cares.

He will not leave your page if you had conflict with him.

He will not post things without your permission.

He will not share your personal photos, unless you allow this.

He will not flirt with your girlfriend, and she will not flirt with your boyfriend.

 

Virtual people are team. If you can feel their loyalty during years, if they don’t change their opinion about you, you are on the right way. It is not matter do you have 20 or 500 friends, or you can’t add more people because your quote is 5000 already. The point is, that you found right people for trust. One day you can meet some of them or they can help you in hard times.  Depends to whom you give hand. You can get Trojan horse or real diamond.