addiction · destiny · drama · egoism · erotica · lies · life · lovers · relations

Did you meet emotional vampire?

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Imagine that you are sitting in your favorite chair, in warm room and you are ready to watch your favorite movie. You have popcorn, coffee or juice and you feel relaxed after hard working day, and your beloved partner is next to you. Suddenly your cell phone rings and this is beginning of nightmare.

Crying voice: “Hello, this is me. Am i disturb? You know, Leo again insulted me. He said to me that i am fat and old. He will leave me..do you think he will leave me?”

Deep sigh, because this is million times that your friend is calling you and interrupt your peace with the same story. Indeed, such people don’t need friends. They need a shrink.

They are emotional vampires. This kind of person will not drink your blood, but he or she will spend your nerves and your time. This creatures are so resistant and denial has no way in their heads.

This is monologue.
Usually it looks like this:

“Oh, you are busy? What are you doing? When you will have time for me? Oh, did not you said that you are free now? I know you hate me. Everybody hate me. It would be better that i die. Everyone will relief.”

It is not necessary that you must be close with this person. You can meet such vampires in bus stations, at work, at dentist, in shopping center. That are different places, but intentions are the same. Vampire wants that you are listening his or her problems. Vampire has no shame and no limits. If you are harsh, vampire will start to play a role of victim.

Oh, you are so rude. Your words break my heart really. You are selfish, i just wanted someone can help me. I hate you.”

 

 

Don’t feel responsible and don’t fall in this trap. If you see that  someone you know has such symptoms, don’t feel sorry. You have right on your free time and you are not vampire donor.

Every healthy relation is based on understanding and respect . There is a line. You are were not born to please other wishes anytime they want. Real friend will understand this, the same as every normal person on the street will not expose privacy to unknown people.

Yes, some people are unhappy, hungry for love and attention. But, more you ask for other compassion, people will runaway from you. Happiness and love come to those who are ready to accept this with healthy mind.

So you can continue to watch your favorite movie with your beloved partner because normal person will wait when you will be free for phone call.

anxiety · character · crises · happiness · illusion · lesson · lies · relations

Reality check and illusions

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People use to say: “You live in illusion. ” “You need reality check. “

What is indeed illusion?

Absence of real beliefs.

Flying on cloud instead of walking on the ground.

Too big expectations.

Impossible aims.

Reality check is cold shower, something what people need when they fly too high. There must be a difference between vision and dream. Vision is based on real expectation, but dream is based on imagination.

I wish to get marry for Brad Pitt. This is dellusional example.

I wish to buy new dress, which is too expensive for me but not impossible to buy.

Sometimes, people with manipulation skills will hold dellusional people in traps , because on this way they can feed their ego.

Woman X lives in USA. She promised man from Turkey that she will come to visit him. She delayed her arrival first for 6 months, then for a year. Then she said she will come in summer and later in winter. He is still waiting for her but she hesitates and wants to get on time. He is afraid to travel to see her so both are in ungrateful position. Their illusion is more beautiful than reality so they stick on safe ground of their dream because reality is insecure.

Did you stuck in kind of illusion?

How you deal with this?

These are consequences of life in illusion :

Awakening in tears.

Cuts of some connections which were based on dreams.

Loss of trust and confidence.

Loss of hope.

Black white insight on life.

Why people hold on their imaginary hopes, even deep inside they know it will not work out?

Well, i remember movie “The escape from Alcatraz. ” Man was painter, and he knew he will not get out from prison but he will make his life easier by drawing. When headmaster of jail took him his tools and material, he made suicide.

If you want to kill person inside, kill his dream. Kill hope that something is worth living or that some day will be better.

Reality check is not for all people, some are born to live in dreams because they don’t know how to walk on the ground. Mama’s boy will rather live with his mother than to ask woman to marry. Unemployed guy will rather sleep at home than ask for a job. Woman who is unhappy in love will rather hold on her problematic marriage or relation.

Illusions feed us, the same way as they made us damage. Who wish to get out from that poisoned circle must be aware that this is not healthy life.

I was in illusion that one friendship will last forever. Guy said me : “Life can separate you and your friend. ” He was in right, once when she gone in another city she never asked for me.

After you break illusion, there is something brighter. Empty space for someone special, for something special, but this time you wear safe glasses and you know where you will go .

business · career · character · crises · depression · illusion · jealousy · lies · life · loyalty · relations

How to gain respect from people?

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There is a quote : respect is hard to get and easy to lose. Respect is base in all areas of life. If someone loves you, he must respect you, there is no real love without respect. If you have no respect in your friend circles, your friends are fake. Also, when you have no authority at work, it means you are disrespected.

Some people are born to be respected, but others must work hard to gain respect.

Imagine woman with big breasts and child face in business circles. She must try hard to get respect of her cooperators. Human mind is superficial and very often people will not think of her as business lady. Stereotypes are obstacles on the way to respect, because it is hard to change what is in other’s heads. You can help yourself in this situation, to teach people what they can’t do. If you wear dirty clothes, if you swear until you are talking, your message is clear : “I don’t expect respect from you.”

Barbara was really sexy nurse and nobody get her serious. Even some doctors had habit to pinch her or comment her big decolletage. One day it was enough, and she replied properly on joke about her . When she was sitting, her boss said: “You can open legs more to see your panties. ” She replied :”In your ages i would buy bigger glasses. ”

It was scandal but she earned respect as in prison, on harder way. Sometimes we must play games to earn respect. Sometimes we will be in situation to slap person who shows disrespect.

 

The same is in social networks. There are so much traps where people can feel disrespected. When someone add you and ask for sex on camera, this person is bad mannered. Delete and block, because, so pity you can’t slap him or her. Unfortunately, social networks are lair of disrespectful people and they have all freedom to express this.

If you want that others show respect, you must have self respect.

Don’t let people to make bad jokes with you, to spit on you without punishment. Some people learn on hard way, the same as donkey who need paddle to behave. There is a difference between joke and provocation and this boundaries are connected with respect. If you think you don’t deserve respect, others will feel this and you will not get what you ask for.

Start with yourself and your respect will grow day by day. One of the most important things which you need to know is how to use NO and YES. In your mind is a list what you allow, and what is forbidden. Surround yourself with people who respect you, because respect is a chain. Once when you wear invisible crown, others will know that they can’t mess with you

business · character · control · depression · destiny · jealousy · lies · life · loyalty · luck · relations

How to face it with treason?

Face it with treason is hard kick in the ass. That moment when you realize that trustful person is traitor, someone in your life with whom you share trust, confidence and give part of yourself is indeed mole, discovery of treason is great shock. That Caesar and Brut story can’t leave us calm.

What is treason indeed and who are traitors? 

 

Indeed, traitor is selfish person. When someone is a snitch, spy or rat, that person is selfish. It is opposite of loyalty, because when you are loyal you are thinking about your friend, you don’t want to hurt him or her, you are careful and you have balance. But indeed treason is kind of weakness, and traitor is person with a price. Now you must only find out how much that person costs.

The worst kind of treason is in the area of friendship and love. This is a story about Alice and Victoria. They were inseparable. Two different girls, as two sides of the same mirror. Alice was shy and calm, and Victoria was hot tempered and hasty, but they completed each other. Alice had ability to make Victoria calm, and Victoria taught Alice how to fight for her aims. Until the day when Alice met womanizer Peter, it was great friendship. Peter was notorious guy , he had suspicious job and many women around. At first he wanted to seduce Victoria, but she rejected him. From that day Peter was thinking only how to revenge. He seduced Alice, she was sweet and kind and ideal for role of his wife. During marriage Peter used all possible ways to separate Alice from Victoria. All attempt failed because Alice was devoted to her friend. One day Peter said that he will take vacation from his busy work so Alice and him will travel together in some foreign country. Their marriage stuck in crises and Alice was crucified, because she always wanted to see Egypt, and now she had big chance.

There was only one condition – to break her friendship with Victoria forever. After long thinking, Alice has decided. She was silent as always, she just gone with her husband on trip without notified Victoria about that. She left her short message on her door “sorry, i love him and that is impossible to have you and him, so i decided to stay with my husband.” Victoria was shocked but she could not do anything. She was waiting, because she knew that it is not over yet. After journey, Peter asked for divorce, because their marriage failed. Not because of Victoria, it was because of his wish to control everything. Alice wanted to make peace with Victoria after that, but Victoria refused her. She never forgot her best friend’s treason , because she knew that she would do it again, as her loyalty never existed.

Life will give us situations when is time to choose.

It is hard to stand between two fires. For example, boss offers promotion to you, but condition is to break connection with your cooperator, to move in another city even this will separate you from your family. Traitor is person who will sacrifice others for own sake. It is just a mask that traitor doing something for community. Neither Mata Hari, double spy, did not do anything for the sake of community.

Traitor try to sit on two chairs without fall on the floor. 

So, if someone wants to hurt you over your friends, find out who is the weak spot in your team. Who is the rat? This is point in business world, steal ideas or people from rival company , but first find weak spot. Find a traitor who will fast change sides.

behavior · cyber space · erotica · illusion · infidelity · jealousy · lies · life · lovers · loyalty

When you entered into flirt zone?

 

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When man is jealous, he will accuse woman for flirting or cheating. Women will often say : “He is just my friend”. Sometimes is hard to draw a line between flirting and talking, and some men will be hurt because they think that woman cross this area. Also, some women wish to feed their ego, but they don’t want to lose their safe relation . In this case, they will increase their boundaries, until someone get caught them, in the action.

Imagine that you have friend from childhood. You know him all your life, and it is natural that you will hug him, squeeze his hand and talk about confident thing. If he is handsome man, and you already have partner, your partner could be jealous. Also, if you work with handsome man, he could also show jealousy, even you are always decent and professional.

When you already step in into flirt zone?

You drink coffee with your “friend”, and your partner doesn’t know nothing about this.

You kissed another man, without telling this to your partner.

You went out with your friends and dancing with another men whole night. When your partner called you, you said that you are alone with cocktail in the corner and that you get bored.

You shared your personal details with unknown men, and your boyfriend is out of knowledge about this.

You save mails and messages from another man. Their content is romantic or sexy. 

Women sometimes have an opposite logic. They will accuse their men for cheating, but in the same time they will flirt, because “that is different. ” If your man has colleague at work and she is attractive, you will describe her as “filthy slut. ” But your male office mate is “charming guy. ” It is different, when it gets us personally. If you are talkative woman, if you love hangouts with men, if men are better friends for you that women, it could be problem, but not unsolved. When your partner knows you and trusts you, you will feel big responsibility and you will not cheat him.

Helen and Jeremy are long time in marriage. His best friend Neville is also her friend. When Jeremy is not at home, Neville goes with Helen in restaurant, to make lunch. Helen never abuse this trust. She loves Jeremy and she would never hurt him, even Neville is handsome guy and single.

Difference between talking with men and flirting is in conscience.  How your conscience works? Would you sleep with your sister’s husband, your friend’s husband or with your best friend? Some women are without limits. Croatian singer Anđa Marić had best friend, who slept with her husband. It happened and ruined her marriage.

Flirt zone is devilish zone, when you are not single. Butterflies in belly, lot of attention around, many sexy guys who wish to have you. If you look further, how much of them would marry you, take a responsibility and give you love? Now, statistic is smaller, isn’t it? So, before you step into flirt zone, be careful what will your partner say about this.

drama · dreams · illusion · internet · lies · lovers · relations

What to expect from virtual relations?

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The biggest paradox of modern time is sharing our feelings with mechanic tools without emotions and expectation of love for return. Computer is our messenger, internet is our voice. Many people will fall in love through virtual space, where love makes various choices.
When you date with person who is available to you in reality, rules are different than in social networks.
As real couple, you will pass through usual problems, but conversation eye to eye will make things easier. This possibility is limited in virtual space, because you can’t touch person, sometimes even not hear or see , and your partner is a ghost.
As much how internet make strangers from people, in other hand it connect us with strangers. So in this situation, we are now strangers for our friends and family, and we connect with unknown people as friends, even lovers. This is double cross, because once when you give trust and confidence to person in virtual space, she will expect something from you.
Unhappy lovers on internet often ask, why virtual relations fails.
Especially, if love birds are from another countries, and why they must come through pain.
Why is virtual relation hard for partners?
If you live in other cities, even countries, money will be big obstacle.
You need to prepare full wallet for all expenses , with purpose of travelling and visiting your love.
 
You never know are you the only one.
Virtual network offers many possibilities, and if your John or Jack gives you heart, don’t be so sure that you are the only soulmate for him.
Jealousy makes new meaning.
You will think about likes or comments from other women. Is she only his friend or more?
You can’t check facts. You don’t know is that real name, ages,  nationality or real profession of your partner.
Recently, i read about story, young woman trade messages with man who had 63 years and grandchildren. She did not know this for 12 years.
 
You can’t expect from person to close all options, because you are far away.
If you think that guy who send you sweet messages will sit at home for weekend, you are wrong. He is maybe in hunting zone, in his real life.
Promises and realizations.
If you did not meet for real, you are not obligated to be faithful.
Some unhappy lovers will go so far, until revenge. Imagine that your virtual relations failed, you are tired from messages, web camera and what’s up, you wish to dance and kiss with man who is near you, and your lover is not available. Suddenly, your virtual lover can’t accept this and he decide to give you lesson.
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What to expect from discarded virtual lover?
If you wrote kinky messages to him, he can share with his friends.
 
He can share photos and videos around. 
 
He can block you because his heart is broken. 
 
He can gossip you to make your reputation bad. 
 
He can disturb to your friends and family, asking for justice.
 
 
Virtual lovers often forgot real basic. They lost in their dreams and fantasies, but real plans are the first thing which they should make. You should know with whom you are dealing. Foreigner , from another country is person with another habits, culture and tradition. Your values and his values could be very opposite.
Romina, as young Romanian girl met guy from Turkey, for chat. They talked 9 months and then she decided to visit him. It was successful meeting, they liked each other and she stayed there and marry for him. It was nice marriage, but she continued to chat with other men on internet. She is still married, but her marriage rocks, because she can’t stop flirting around. She claims that her husband is too conservative man and she did not know this until she met him for real.
Sometimes, friend option will be the best. If someone falls in love in you in internet, and he knows your status, he knows that he is not for you, it is not bad solution to stay friends. Friendship shows respect and loyality. This person appreciates you even you can’t be in love with him. It is cool to make friends from another countries and spread your views.
The funniest thing on virtual space is statement from unknown people, when you don’t want to talk with them or to accept them as friends. “You hurt me, why you don’t add me?” How someone could feel pain from person he never met? Pains enter from expectations, not from people. If you think that some strangers from internet space will be free for you every moment, you live in world of fairy tale.
Why virtual stories are ballads? There are lot of lies, many versions and masks. That is why virtual couples must talk face to face as fast that is possible. You can’t live in internet, to buy virtual flat and make virtual children, to marry and expect every night when your lover will be online.
Virtual story is great refreshment, as cocktail. After ice is melted, that is just warm water , with not so good taste.
character · crises · drama · dreams · egoism · illusion · lies · relations

Why we don’t listen advices when we fall in love?

 

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Until we swim in the sea of passion, our view is not objective. Any advice will escape from our ears and critics of others will be undesirable. If someone said something bad about your guy, you will think that is act of envious person. If you are woman who gives your heart in complete on first sight, you are in dangerous road. Don’t surrender to your emotions too soon.

Love is connection of two people, but it doesn’t mean that you should be unavailable for world outside. If you fall in love in person who is not for you, others will tell you some info, in good intention. No matter is that your sister, best friend or mother, you should listen before conclusion.

So, Adele had much problems with her daughter Rose. Her boyfriend Max called her once on week, in the middle of the night and later she was crying, because she heard that she is not the only one.She could not leave him, until she found out that he had sex with other girl right before he drove her home. Then Rose decided for rebellion . She said to Max that he is idiot, and Max slapped her. Then she remembered words of her mother: “If he loves you, why he doesn’t call you every day? Why he pick you up in the middle of the night, as prostitute?” Adele hated her mother so much, but soon she realized, her mother was right. She falls in love in idiot and she got hard lesson.

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Why we don’t listen other advices when we have chance to avoid troubles?

We wish to taste adventures. So, if you never try, you will never know.

We feel stupid. Who is he or she to told us what to do? We know the best.

Advice sounds as preaching. Preachers and teachers are boring. It reminds on punishment in childhood.

We don’t want to miss something. If we listen good advice, we will avoid troubles, but maybe this person was wrong.

We believe that we are exception of rules. Every woman likes to say “He cheats women, but not me. He loves me.”

When love is in the air, brain is on the way. How you could believe that this cute guy is dangerous, hooligan, idiot or even criminal? He was so nice and kind. Your friend can tell you info about his past, but you will not listen because he changed, he is different, he cut off previous life. Until he does something awful to you.

This beloved traitor put thorn in your heart. Now you need to take medicine against that, even you could avoid bleeding.

behavior · character · energy · envy · freedom · lies · life · relations

Are you aware how people feel after insults?

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The power of spoken word is endless. If you use hard words, someone will be hurt. Yes, every insult can cut you as knife and you will heal wounds for a days. Especially if that insult comes from person who is important to you.

Sometimes we are full of anger and rage. This anger flame is spreading like a virus, and we will say something ugly, maybe we did not think so, but in the moment when ugly word finds the way out, damage is done.

 

Patrick said something what he should not say. He had wonderful friend, he started to feel something for her, and she response on his feelings, but then they had conflict and Patrick acted like spoiled kid. He offended Jenny with his behavior. “You are silly, i laugh to you. You are jealous on other women.” Jenny just passed him info about his girlfriend , she found as duty to forward him what she knew, that his girlfriend is cheating him. Patrick broke up with his girlfriend but he got mad on Jenny. He even blamed her because she was messenger. Now is time of silence because Jenny doesn’t want to talk with him.

 

Insults are tools against vanity. We could have strong nerves, but everyone has a limit.

 

What kind of insults hurt the most?

bad words about physical look (you are fat, your legs are short, you have big nose)

– insults toward family (your mother is drunk, and your father is insane)

– insults about your financial situation (you are poor and loser)

– insults toward your partner ( your husband is idiot, your wife is slut)

It is easy to solve insults with fist. Black eye, blood from nose and here we are, that moron will learn on hard way. Also you can ask for an apology. Even press will notify readers about public apology, if they were published wrong details and info about famous people. Law of order and Criminal Law also have this options, public apology to damaged side.

If you can say i am sorry, i will not do it again, i regret, you will admit your mistakes. 
This is half way to correct your errors. When you are making an apology, you will do against your ego. That means, you are not the smartest and you did mistakes. Some people will never make apologies just because of ego. Why would someone admit anything he did wrong and show up weakness? It is better to stay bulletproof, even the price is high, that you can lose someone who was close and important to you.

It is not enough only to say – i am sorry. Oops, i did it again. My wife has black eye, i hit her, so i apologize from my heart.

 

When you apologized, what is next?

You will be careful not to hurt that person again.

You can buy flowers, make a compliment, take this person to dinner. Show your devotion with acts.

If that person will not forgive you, don’t be resistant. Wait for your chance .

Don’t force and cry. You did what you wanted to do. If person don’t have mercy for you, tears will not help you. Take it as lesson for next time.

Well mannered person will use words i am sorry, thanks, i regret. 
This is what your mother and father should teach you in childhood. This is not connected with ego or pride. Simply, when you are wrong, admit this. In business world you will write nice email with regards and with respect, and your business partner will accept this as part of your job. It makes you professional and people will have good impression about you. You should not be ashamed for fixing your wrong acts on this way.

Apology is as joker in your pocket. When all cards fail, apology is here as bonus. You can back into game if you apologize.

behavior · couples · crises · erotica · illusion · infidelity · lies · relations

Don’t stand between them

 

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Conflicts are not desirable, but life is impossible without it. Lot of things came out on surface when we get angry or if someone provokes us. If you stay out of conflict, your rival can understand this as sign of fear or weakness. If you spread claws for everything, this is also not good because people can label you as hooligan.

 

People with short fuse are somehow addicted to fights and they will wait moment to jump into argument. Few words and fists are ready for battle. Croatian tennis player Goran Ivanišević was famous as person with short fuse, one wrong word of referee and he would lose nerves. So if conflict is something what you can’t avoid, and it bothers you, there is no other choice.

What happens when we invade in other’s conflicts?

Shall we be sentry person for fights, someone who is professional intervenor in everything what is burning around?

 

 

Imagine that you have friend and someone attack him or her. What will you do? 

There are few choices.

Stay out of this.

Help your friend.

Don’t interfere on direct way, give your advice from background.

Someone will say : “I would do everything for my friends. I would die for them. ” Before you introduce yourself as hero, check out is this smart. Would you hurt yourself to help your friend? Are you sure that your friend deserve this? Are you sure that one day he will do the same for you?

Imagine situation where husband beats his wife, and you are neighbor who watch this. I know the case where neighbor hero involved into this fight and woman reported him to police. Why he touched her husband who kick her into nose? That is personal thing. And what if she stays without her nose, but this is her beloved husband. In this case, poor neighbor felt as shit.

Friends are not always people who think the same.
We might have different friend circle. Ok, i love person A, but i don’t like person B who is her friend, and i will not blame her if she likes person B. This is her choice. As long she doesn’t do secret conspiracy against me, i don’t care who are her friends. I think many friendships would be past if we would pay attention of everyone’s choice. This world is not big brotherhood. Respect me enough not to gossip me in the front of other friends, and i give you choice. I accept you as you are, even i don’t like girl who drink coffee with you.

Now, there is situation where unknown intervener try to help you in your conflict. This is as in prison, someone offers you his protection.

Why someone would like to help me, even i see him first time in my life?

Few options:

Person wants something for return. Sex, money or another favor.

Person hates someone who attacked me. So this is personal.

Person likes to act as hero. Big ego needs new food.

One night was unlucky for Robin. She lost her way home, in unknown city. Her friends left her after big argument and gone with their car. Alex offered her help, to drive her home. In the middle of this journey, Alex stopped his car and tried to kiss her. She went out and runaway.

There are very small number of people who will help you without any reason. So let’s assume that they exist. I would feel as debtor. And i would return them favor, even they don’t ask. Because that is me, i have feeling of duty and responsibility.

beauty · behavior · destiny · flirt · freedom · gossip · happiness · illusion · lies · relations

Why women judge each others?

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Women like to say : i am different, i am difficult, i am hard. This might sound as they want to justify their position when something happens to some other women. “It could not happen to me. I would never do that. ” We are able to judge each other cause it is in our nature.

If everyone is different, then we are all again the same. I would say that everyone can be easy target in some life situations. Sometimes you can’t help to yourself, when you expose your weakness.

Imagine situation. You are hard target when you are cold toward guys which are not your type. That guy is for you ugly, boring, you simply don’t want him and it is very easy to be unavailable toward him. Well, if man attracts you, it is not easy to pretend that you don’t want him, it is not easy to control your feelings, even you smell trouble. That is why we will make same mistakes, even we know how story will finish.

When woman is hard target?

If she is not in mood for relation, not in such phase, because she got over hard breakup or she is busy with her job or personal problems.

If she really doesn’t like guy.

If she wants someone else who doesn’t want her.

If her nature is calculated. Simply, she doesn’t want to waste time on temporary adventures or random flirts.

What is with other women, who are emotional, spontaneous, passionate by nature? Are they easy targets or just not cautious as they should be?

Should we judge them if they fail in relations? Should we give them advices ?

I think every woman has her crush and burn period in life. If she learn this , she will watch out and she will not look at men with same eyes.  Also, if you are person who likes risk, bigger are chances that you will burn your fingers.

I had friend who lived in golden cage. Her first boyfriend was her neighbor, other boyfriend was also neighbor and she got married for him. She never tasted adventures, because she was afraid of risk . She was saved on some way, but on other way she was limited because at her point she was always judging women who lived different.

It is easy to be closed in golden cage when you know nobody can enter. Nobody can hurt you, but nobody can surprise you either.

When woman says, i am different, i would not sit in his car, i would not show my face on internet, i would not talk with such guy, she is judging others on a way like they are childish or stupid. Like she discovered America, but indeed she build wall. Walls are not so resistant and one day one man can swap her on ground.

When you build bridge, when you open your heart, you are open target. You are not different from others , not easy to get, you are just ready to risk. This is only difference between women who live safely and those who live in troubles.

Curiosity killed the cat, as old proverb said, so you can only learn from your troubles. One day , when you get old, maybe you would regret because you did not live more. Or maybe you will be proud because you expose yourself.

My ex office mate once said : “Why to afraid to talk about sex? When i was young, i got laid in beach and everywhere. So, why to regret?”