What we say in silence?

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I am talkative person, but once when i get silent, i can be numb forever. With years i learnt about power of silence, especially in situation when someone hurts you. Before i thought that silent people are weak and fragile, and i underestimated silence as tool of cowards.

Recently one person hurt me. We were close friends, i gave him my trust, loyalty and confidence. He mixed this gifts with toys, and he acted like kids with borrowed dolls, he broke it. We had conflict , lot of insults were in the air, and it finished with silence from my side. I used silence and ignorance as my answer, because it would be endless conflict. Simply, i decided to finish this story with my poker face, while insults dropped as raindrops , i was standing and smiling in the storm of bullets.

I know i won and this is what i said in my silence:

I am busy with my success and i have no time for your frustrations.

I am busy with people who love me, and i don’t have time for people who hate me.

I burnt this bridge, why you still walk on remains? 

I am on my throne so high that i can’t see you, so i can’t hear you very well too.

What i got with my silence?

Peace. I don’t think about his insults because i don’t interact with him anymore.

Freedom. I don’t think what he said, so it gives me space for valuable thoughts.

Smile. I know he can fall very low so i turn his insults into bad jokes.

I know this is not the end and he can appear somewhere to continue our conflict. In this case, i have bulletproof wall. It is better to hit knife in open target, than try to break the wall.

Person who can’t say magic words : i am sorry, thanks for being in my life, forgive me is not a gentleman.

This is just narcissist who asks for applause and audience who will obey to him. This  is not matter anymore, because i learnt magic power of silence.

Did you try to provoke jealousy?

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Your beloved man is cheating you? He doesn’t pay enough attention at you? Or, he is just passive and sleeps as Sleeping beauty until you wake him up?
Here is simply cure, make him jealous. This is usual recommendation when you need to save your relation. Also, this strategy works out if you are on half way to catch boyfriend, but you stucked in the middle.
Artificial jealousy is state of shock. You should make him terrified, that he is afraid to lose you. As everything what is not spontaneous or natural, such experiment could go wrong.
Before you use this advice, check this facts.
Your partner will be jealous only if he still loves you.
 
If you cheat him, he will see this as sign that you have open relation and he can do the same.
 
Make limits in your actions. You can dance with someone in front of his eyes, but don’t kiss other man otherwise you will make scandal.
 
Be careful when you choose subject of your game. Don’t hurt someone who loves you. 
 
Make a deal with your partner in crime and make it clear what you expect from him.
Here are two examples of wrong turn.
What happened?
Sandy was madly in love in her boyfriend James. He was too busy to make her happy, his first love was his job.  Sandy made deal with Leonard, her friend from school days to make James jealous. She made party at home for Christmas and she invited many friends and neighbors. Leonard was star of the evening and everyone liked him. Just, he forgot deal and he was so drunk that he puked on carpet. Sandy was cleaning this glitch whole morning after party. James bought bottle of mineral water to help Leonard to get sober. Her plan failed and their relation is on ice now.
In other case, Paula was betrayed woman. His husband Matt cheated her with nurse. He was doctor in emergency, and everyone bragged about this affair. Paula wanted to get revenge and she invited her neighbor Andy at wedding of her sister. She wanted to introduce Andy to her family, just to give hint that she is not alone. They were dancing all night and Paula never had so much fun. Then Andy admitted to her that he  loves her a long time ago. They  relation that evening, and Paula forgot about her plan.
You can’t make a fire if there is no sparks.
Jealousy is just a tool, but this is double sword. Maybe your partner will be angry, maybe his ego will be broken. It doesn’t mean that he will start to love you again. Maybe, he can even make conclusion that you deserve someone who is better than him. When you make someone jealousy, it is usually beginning of the end.

All shades of jealousy

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That sting will pinch you right into your heart. Your beloved partner is staring on other woman, and she is young, sexy and stunning. How do you feel? You wish to slap him or to make her vanish? Simply, you will swallow this bitterness or you will make a fight with him?

No matter how calm person is, it is hard to avoid jealousy. How does it happen? Jealousy is made of fear and envy. We afraid to lose our partner because of another person and then we feel envy toward our competition. Other followers of jealousy are insecurity, rage and anger. How much you did for him and he is acting like this? What will happen now, my relation is on insecure ground?

Jealousy might be spice to your relation if you use it properly. When couple is in long relation or in marriage, routine and boredom will attack your harmony and small dose of jealousy will help. It is good to remind your partner from time to time that you are still desirable, that other men are looking for you and you can return smile to handsome stranger. Sometimes it helps, when our partner have chance to see things with other eyes. 

Lisa and Brad were married about 10 years. Their sexual life had pattern, once in two weeks, when both found enough time between daily obligations and their work. They both chilled out. Lisa was still attractive but Brad did not notice her new skirt, new haircut or new underwear. One day Lisa met in the street her old friend from school days, handsome guy Timothy. She invited him to lunch at her home. While she was washing the dishes, Timothy said to Brad : “You are lucky man, i tried with Lisa before many years, but she was always looking friend in me. ” That words made Brad to think, when he was the last time that he imagined his wife as desirable ? In this case, Timothy helped without knowing.

Small dose of jealousy is spicy, but large amount is poison. Imagine that you are with man or woman who will complaint every day because you talked with someone at the street, because you have friends at work or you use social networks? This burden will be too heavy for you. In extreme cases, it will cause end of your relation.

We can make difference in jealousy , if we compare that feeling in colors.

These are some shades of jealousy.

White area. 

Your partner will not complain on your friends, he will allow you to drink coffee with them, to make lunch, even to make an innocent flirt with smile and sweet words. Here, kiss in cheek is the limit. So, your partner is not jealous, and maybe you want to make him jealous more?

Grey area. 

Your partner will be angry if you talk on phone with your friend from childhood, he will complain that you are too close with him. Also, why your male boss call you even in free time? You will try to explain that guys are harmless.

Blue area. 

Your guy will make conflict with other guys. Someone slap you in the butt until you were passing? Someone said nasty words to you? This is men pride, so it is not nice to comment to their girls. How would you feel that someone say to your girlfriend how hot is she, in front of you? Still you can avoid fight with ignorance or good joke as “too pity she is not your girlfriend.” In women case, only idiot women will slap butt of guy who is in company with other girl. That is filthy sign of despair. 

Red area

Your partner will make fight, without explanation. Your phone will be destroyed, your internet will not work and he will forbid you to talk with other guys, even with threats. Watch out, this is sick and paranoid. When you are into red area, runaway from there quick until you have whole teeth.

Sometimes, jealousy will be funny. You will enjoy to tease your partner because of his insecurity. This might be also your internal joke, how to make each other jealous . You can create limits. In other way, if you don’t respect wishes of your partner, if you have secret toward him and you are not cooperating, jealousy is not funny anymore. Secrets are followers of jealousy. You know how far you can go. He trusts you and he let you to drink coffee with this guy, but don’t kiss him because you are crossing the limits. The same with women, if your woman trusts you, don’t make her regret.

Jealousy is desirable spice until you increase the dose. In that case, jealousy is poison and her victims are random, she is not selective and she has no mercy.

Exclusivity – key for serious relation

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When you will know that relation is getting serious? That moment is here when your partner want to make commitment. This kind of obligation doesn’t have to be engagement or marriage, it is simply exclusivity. He said he wants to date only with you, he is interested only for you and other women have no chance to get close with him.

Problem with immature guys is in their wrong perception. When your partner is immature, he thinks that is enough to say sweet words and make excuses or promises , so things will work out. That will pass with insecure women, but when woman is made of strong principles, such vision will fail.

Let’s assume that you are dating with playboy. He is in contact with many women. They write messages to him on his social page. They are calling him. When you are in club , restaurant or anywhere else with him, you will always meet his “friends. ” Title “friends” is secret code for lovers, former girlfriends or undefined adventures. Now, you ask him to clean his mess, but what if he says no?

Normally, you would say, leave him. Situation is not always simple, so if you come to phase when you fall in love in him and you are sad without him, he will use this to manipulate with you.

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Where is an exit?

You can be friend with him. Say him, you are friend zoned, until you make decision.

You can give up, because there are lot of fishes in the sea.

Also, you might give him some time. Expiration date next month, next week, for his decision.

You can also have joker in pocket. Tell him, you are dating with someone else and you wait his hint. Make yourself as busy target, you are not taken, but also you will not be free because as every good product, you have your buyers. He is not the only one who wants you.

Now, you did your part, you are waiting him to call you. Don’t call him first, don’t make him rush, because this is as in stock market, your value is decreasing if you force situation.  If this pending time takes too long, if he is silent, you got your answer. Sometimes, silence is for men  the best conversation with woman.

Some guys said these things:

“I did not call her because i did not want to hear her crying or screaming. I was not interested. “

“My ex called me that she wants reunion, so i did not call that girl, i wanted to avoid trouble. “

“I felt i was not ready to commit to one woman. My friends called me on party, it was not time for romance. “

Even some women will say “let him, he will come back at the end”, that is not true. You can’t let guy who is in relation with you to do what he wants with other women. This is humiliation, and if you let him to flirt, next time he will ask you for advice what to do with certain woman. Friend zone can be painful if you love him.

Exclusivity means that :

He respects your opinion. He ask you advices, because you are important to him.

He will not make interactions with other women on a way to hurt you.

He will be loyal to you.

He will not let his friends to try with you. You are his target, he will not share you with other men.

Many women will swallow pride just to have man for adventure, for few nights, when they see, there is no chance to keep him. That is just bullshit solution. Scarves in your soul is not easy to heal. If you ask relation and he ask only flirt, make things clear. You will stay hungry as someone who ordered meal and got only soup on the table.

4 steps how to be selfish

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Selfishness is a trap without bottom. Everyone will fall into this seduced by own desires and wishes. The main difference is in control, how much are we able to resist and fight against this demonic feeling?

Every human relation will consider selfishness as enemy. Mother can’t be selfish, friends can’t think only about their needs, lovers must share things and accept opinions from other side.

How you will recognize this moment when you were selfish?

Selfishness will develop from small seed into monster plant. 

First stage: you are talking only about yourself, even you are not alone. “I think we should go there. You need to accept my proposition, i know the best.”

Second stage: denials of other wishes and needs. “I think you are not so experienced to do this. Let me do this.”

Third stage: you do mistakes, but you don’t want to admit it. “What, did i mistake? It could not happen to me, i am perfect. “

Fourth stage : you will blame others that they hurt you, without seeing your contribution. “But you insulted me and i slap you. You provoke me so i broke your nose.”

When person is selfish, she will made small circle. There will be people who are made accord her wishes. That people will clap their hands for all her actions, they will confirm what she is doing even she does wrong. This circle will be closed for everyone who thinks different. Ego is creator of this circle and such person doesn’t allow criticism or different opinions. This is small world and dictator is sitting on big chair surrounded by his smarmy friends.

The most beautiful relations develop from differences. When someone make a challenge, he will not insult you. An opposite, this person tests you how much you are brave to accept differences. The best friends i made are those i had some argument at the beginning. Once when we agreed about our preferences, we made great healthy deal. 

You can see good example of selfishness at internet pages. Add me, chat with me, like my page, accept my tags. All this is nice and interesting, but what you offer for return? Silence, ignorance, arrogance or just a hint that others are too small for you?

Famous persons are celebrities because their fans made this from them. Without audience, every cocky star would be nothing. 

Selfishness will show her dark face once when you lose friends or person who is owner of your heart. This is only medicine for egoists, because then they will be finally faced with themselves. 

“Mirror, mirror who is the most beautiful woman in the world? It must be me.” Like in old fairy tale, your ego wants to kill all rivals , but the biggest rival is inside of you. 

How to survive as weirdo?

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Some people were born to act accord social rules. As they have drafts what to say or to do in particular situations. “He knows to behave” or ” She is well educated” are just some of descriptions. When you fit in, you are safe from gossips and your circle of friends is big. Or, you just think on this way? If you are clumsy and simply stand out from usual patterns, you will have problem to be part of society, but your failures will help you to be more original.
Did you feel that you are part of wrong movie? Your personal twilight zone doesn’t have to be your disaster. For example, if you stuck between female friends who knows all about baking cakes, and you wish to disappear, it doesn’t mean that you are shame for woman species. I personally felt much better when i was drinking beer and watching football match Croatia – Mexico with my husband and male friends, when we all had so much fun even result was not good for us. I did not see myself with women who trade recipes for domestic cookies.  Probably i would yawn from boredom.
When you can be sure that you are different?
When everyone has something to say in group, and you don’t have opinion or you get bored.
 
When you feel that nobody listen your suggestions.
 
When others start to whisper and gossip about you, and you feel uncomfortable.
 
When you say something what makes others to wonder.
 
One interesting fact is : woman outsider has harder way than man outsider. Different guy is sexy and cool, but rebellious, strange woman is danger. She scares men. She could be victim of bullying. Also she could be declared as target for sex, because her mind is opened. It is not rarity that guys like to have sex with freaky women. She might know different things in bed, and she doesn’t runaway from exploring.
How you will play in this wrong movie, it depends on your character. Will you back up because all are against you, or you will walk in front of this crowd?
Some tips in this case:
Smile if crowd start to mock you. Smile is sign of self confidence.
 
Reply them on cool way. Don’t make your voice tremble. 
 
Don’t try to persuade others that you are not different than them. This is your protecting brand. If you listen heavy metal, and they are listening pop, it doesn’t make you bad person. You are not satanic person with horns.
 
Say what you think even this is opposite from majority. Let they stare at you.
Weirdos are more intelligent people and they have keys to freedom. If your clothes is different, if your accent is funny, if you eat vegan foods and everyone around you eat meat, you don’t have to be ashamed because of this. One my friend came in continental part of Croatia , and she was from Dalmatia. Her accent was different but she was talking loud and with smile, even people looked at her as she is an alien. Be proud of your roots no matter from where are you from, who are your parents and who is your partner. That is the only way that you play main role in this wrong movie, and this is not role of social clown.

When you fall in love in chicken man

Love stories are unpredictable, Cupid arrows hit unknown targets and in relations are possible with many various combinations. You can see people on first sight, and think: “How they finished together?” When you scratch under surface, you will understand why some couples split very fast, and why others are inseparable. 

One of bad combinations is relation between weak man and strong woman. No, i don’t think about relation between wrestler woman and man who dance ballet, i talk about their characters. It would be natural that man is firm, bold and stable, and that woman can count on him. Especially if woman is sensible, fragile and gentle lady, that kind of man would be great match for her. Sometimes, life plays cruel games, and strong woman will involve with milksop. 

If you think that this is relation where woman rule, you are wrong. This woman has many problems because such man is unstable, undecided and unable to take important decisions.

What would be milksop?

You can recognize him in few steps.

He asks from you to pay your bill when you are in coffee bar.

He expect that you drive him in your car. If he lives in another country, you should take a plane and fly to meet with him.

If his friends don’t like you, try not to upset them. They are so important to him , and their opinion can bury you.

If someone attack you, he will runaway, so you will deal with your enemy alone.

If his mother don’t like you, try to please her wishes. He is usually favorite son and masterpiece of his mother.

He is usually passive, so if you need to take decision, he will let it to you.

In such relation, woman is usually abandoned in her beliefs and she feels alone. This relation is boat, and you will drive this boat, if you quit, you will drown together with your milksop. He can disappoint you even in bed, because as real puppy he will expect that you make him horny. The best thing you can do is to wake him up. Leave him somewhere in unknown city to see will he find way out. Let he goes out with your aggressive brother or friend, to see how he can handle this.

This kind of men you can often meet in virtual world. They will create many pages , they are romantic on first sight, they use sweet words and nice approach, but if you expect action from them, you are on wrong address. They expect granny with cookies, because they are unable to do significant steps. 

What can happen to them is to meet much older woman who will be kind of mother for them. On such way they can continue with lazy life, where they don’t need to do nothing, because everything will be done for them. They need big bear who will carry them as little kids, because they are made from sensitive materials. Lioness use too much hard ways and it can ruin their peaceful life.

Heroine stand next to heroes




History remember those who broke the rules. Also beautiful and brave women will enter into chronology and left their footprints. French national hero Jeanne d’ Arc is remembered as girl who was leader of french army and defeated English enemies and saved Orleans . Later she was wounded  and caught  as heretic girl. She was burnt on bonfire in Rouen when she was only 19. In the year of 1920 she was pronounced as saint.

In Croatia newspapers wrote about Kristina Ćurković. She is not leader of army but she was posing with gun. She became familiar when she was hitting eggs on politicians who represent Croatian democracy community (HDZ – political group) in Omiš. Also she remove the flag of European union  and changed with Croatian flag. When Croatia had referendum for family, she was strictly against gays and lesbians, and she said that family is community just for man and woman and only this kind of family can be healthy family. That girl is unemployed, young and pretty, and she declared herself as radical supporter of right center.

Reactions are various. People, included her own sister talk about her as girl ready for circus, hungry for attention. Especially because she was missing for a two days, nobody knew where she disappeared. She justified her absence with uncharged battery at cell phone.

Other people will clap their hands because she said something in public what is indeed truth, that people are not going on elections in Croatia. Only minority voted for present Government, and others are passive. 

One thing is for sure. In the time when many young people in Croatia are not interested for school, education and when streets are full of beggars, alcoholic and violent teenagers, this girl dare to say the truth. She is pretty, but she did not use her beauty to became model or singer, even this way could be easier for her. She expose herself to risk. Someone could attack her because of her open speech, she was already reported and she got public judgement.

If we compare her and Jeanne d’ Arc, differences are in attitude. It was another time. Jeanne burnt in bonfire because of her beliefs. Jeanne had no chance and possibilities to survive. Kristina was born in the age of technology. She just need to change her methods. Croatia needs new leaderships, but with calm and smart people who will have good arguments. This country is sleeping. We need someone to wake up sleepy crowd and lead them in the right direction. 

We have two political groups who are changing on the top . Social democrats, as left center, and conservative Croatian group HDZ (Croatian democratic community). The main conclusion is, they are not successful in their decision, people are unemployed, hungry, salaries are small and there is no order on the streets. You can see drunk teenager in the middle of the day with the bottle of wine how he fall on the floor and nobody will pay attention. In the other hand, policeman will approach you to ask you for documents if you are laughing loud when you return home from the party. 

What are real values and real order? This young girl pull her finger. She doesn’t know what she is exactly doing, but she asked question what we must think about. 

How we work on our promises?

Promises are kind of obligations. If you gave your word, it means you owe to someone. You are debtor because you said you will do this. If you promise something to yourself, don’t disappoint your principles.

It is not necessary to change our aims to realize promises. We need to change pattern which brings us failure. If we had same solutions for same problems, we will not go so far. Some things have tail, we drag this as burden year by year.

Usual promises at the beginning of  year are:

I will break this relation because this is not for me.

I will lose 10 kilograms.

I will find new job.

I will find new love.

I will travel on places i never was before.

Yes, we all have drafts. How it should look like. Some wishes are realised last year, and if situation is like these, this is success. There is no regret for something what happened. Look forward for anything new because our path is changing .

There is no big change without big cuts. If woman wants new man in her life, she must leave her previous partner. This is very hard and it takes lot of pain. No pain, no gain. If you have chance for a new job, you must leave previous job. 

Cuts are as surgery. You don’t know will you wake up, or you will stay dead. There is something worse, that you stay on one place forever. This is frozen image, when you are not able to move and you can’t do step forward.

Legend says, how you start New year, it will be pattern for 365 days next. If you cry in midnight, probably you will be sad. Before 2 years someone stole my coat in wardrobe. I was losing money and things later, like i opened box with negative energy. Probably because i had fear it will happen. 

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When first month of year gone, we think what we did for a start.

What can motivate us?

Pay old bills to avoid court.

Clean flat , maybe you find something lost a long time ago.

Say sorry to your friend if you did something wrong.

Visit place you planned to visit before few years.

One important thing is : how you manage to hold your promises to yourself, the same will be with others. If you promise you will go on diet and you still stuck between candies, this is personal failure. How you will make things for others, when you can’t trust to yourself?

I love to hold on something what i did without help of others. This is what i like, to prove myself that i can do it, as independent person. When i was schoolgirl, having bad mark was challenge for me. I was fixing that to break obstacle. That was my challenge and i won. The same attitude i have in life. I can really mess up things, but i will do it better because my will order me to do it. 

What is necessary to realize your promises?

Strong attitude.

Patience. It means you work on yourself and you are aware of your weakness.

Avoiding bad influences and temptation which can drag you from your purposes. If you say you will not drink, don’t go with people who drink often.

Hope. You believe that you can do it and positive approach is your inner voice.

Female rivalry

It is great to have friend and share all secrets, troubles and joy with this person. Such friend is indeed right hand and you will never feel alone. If you are lucky to have few friends of the same gender, you got the most wonderful treasure.

Female friendships are really fragile gifts, as crystal glasses. Be careful how to hold that glass. If you hold too tight, glass will break. If you don’t hold careful, glass will slip out from your hands. And you can cut on that pieces.

How to recognize real from fake friend? Who is lady friend, and who is wolf friend, ready to tear you?

 

Some signs of a lady:

 

– she will ask you first how are you, and what is new, and then talk about herself

– she will help you when you have problems, without excuses, if she is busy she will help you when she will be available

– there is no guy who can stand between real female friends

– she will not date with your ex, with guy who is in your heart even if that guy doesn’t want you, also she will not associate with people who hurt you

– she will be happy for your success in work and in love, and she will not compete with you

When is clear that your best friend is wolf?

she talks only about herself, about guys who are stalking her, about her new shoes, and people who are envious to her

– she is with you all the time when you are in company with handsome guys, she wants to capture their attention

– she will date with your ex without telling you, she will try to seduce even your boyfriend

– she will be busy every time you need her, she has much more important things in her life

– she will be jealous and envious if your life is more successful and happier than hers

Friend wolf is indeed rival. It is better to have open enemy, than rival friend. She wants all what you have, even more. She is not here to make your life easier, she will make your life bitter. Because, she thinks that she is better, and she needs audience and slaves, not friends.

So take a look on your friends, do you see wolves between them?