Who is your friend with benefits?

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You are hungry for passion and you are not in relation? Relation is indeed obligation and it takes lot of attempts to find right partner. Sometimes we can be so busy that we have no time to focus on special person in our life, to reply on every SMS and every phone call, to support that person in the case of troubles or problems.

If we are not ready for relation, we must be honest. Here is an option if you don’t want to be alone but also if you don’t want to be bonded with someone. This solution is friend with benefit.

Samantha was excellent student, she was running for future career and education was her dream. She wanted to become successful lawyer. All her relations broke because she was so busy with exams, seminars and also she was working in library during her free time. Her partners felt that they are  unnecessary things and all gone from her life. This stressful life make her frustrated because she needed sex. She didn’t want to be promiscuous because of her reputation. So she had deal with her best friend Frank. From time to time, they had dates with sex. Frank was single, also not ready for obligations and he liked Samantha so they had casual sex once at week. But then Frank found girlfriend and Samantha became jealous. He was cheating his regular girlfriend with Samantha and that relation broke. Frank and Samantha involved feelings and they became real couple. This story had happy ending.

 

Melissa had no such luck. Her friend Ronald used her for sex, but she hoped it will be different. She realized after one year that it will never change, because Melissa was only sexual toy for Ronald. He was nice with other girls, but he did not know when Melissa has birthday, what is her’s sister name and so many things important to respect person. She took him benefits and broke that connection, with tears.

What is important if you decide to have friend with benefit?

check out is that person single

– accept that is deal only for sex

– don’t be jealous on his or her private life, your meetings are just for sex

– you can get out from that “relation” anytime, without explanation

– don’t judge or blame your friend with benefit, it was deal from the start

If you are not stable person, if you live in dreams or it is easy to deceive you, this kind of relation is not for you. This is game of nerves and your feelings must shut down. Even if that “relation” become something serious, it will not be with force or because you beg for real love. It will be spontaneous.

 

Think about that person, how much benefits he or she deserve , because you are master of your body. Also be sure that person knows to keep a secret, because some people are corny and traditional. Maybe your future partner could not accept that you had friend with benefit. Let it be your sweet secret.

10 ways how to test your trust in people

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It is very easy to get fooled. Someone cheated you, you are misguided? Don’t blame yourself, it could happen to everyone. Difference is in way, how to get out from this and avoid future disappointments.

Naivete is sign of trust, just in extreme form. If you believe in everything, you are naive.

Life would be boring without risks. If you are too cautious, you step into paranoid area. Wow, everyone is against me, i am on black list and for sure this is again my bad luck. On that way, you close yourself into golden cage, and nobody could harm you. How to open your soul to others? Who can make guarantee that you will find treasure, and that you will not stuck in the trap?

Here are the most often traps for naive people, and you are not the only one who will fail. 

1. salesman and his skills 

You bought something what is not necessary and you spent big money, because salesman persuaded you in value of his products? Look at your wardrobe, there are dresses you will never wear. Here is jewelry without values, fake pearls and cheap necklace, but it looks good on first sight.

2. big chance for easy money

Many advertising about earning big money on easy ways fooled many people. Everyone will think “but i will be the one who will really earn.”

3. masters of tarot, black magic, love spells

This woman saw that you will get marry next year? You are still single but you gave her 100 euro? You are not first and not the last.

4. virtual marriage proposal

Your prince charming promised you to get marry and then he disappeared after you lend him money? Call someone who have similar experience.

5. big lottery won, roulette, slot machines

Las Vegas, Monte Carlo, expensive casinos over the world, and everyone dream about jackpot. You think you are the one who will win? But others think about this too.

6. meeting with agent who promised you to make star from you

You want to be famous and this man promised you this? Suddenly you are victim of human trafficking, porno industry or you simply got fooled. You enter into twilight zone.

7. online shopping

Cruel stats and numbers are black evidence, how many people get fooled with online shopping. Empty pockets and wallets are reality.

8. liberty movements, sects

You wish to escape from reality, and spiritual person promised you better world? Suddenly, you are without passport and money, but you are member of sect and they can do with you whatever they want.

9. politicians promises

You are member of political group and they promised you good job, when they win on elections. Nothing for you, still? Keep searching.

10. pills for losing weight

You paid big money to lose your weight, but you are even more fat than before? At least, your wallet is thin.

Everyone who wants success in life must develop sense for reality.

It doesn’t mean that you need to give up from dreams and hopes, but you need info. Numbers don’t lie. If 90% people slip in some area, will you enter into 10% who did not? Maybe your neighbor won on the lottery, but it doesn’t mean that you are next. Your cousin got married for rich man after they know each other 2 months? She got luck, but exceptions doesn’t make rules.

Big decisions are investments. First you need to study your situations, otherwise you will buy cat in the bag. There is no guarantee that you will protect yourself from bad surprises, but at least don’t jump on first offer. Also, if you did mistake, your knowledge will help you to get out faster from this. If you see cat in the bag, throw this bag and runaway.

Did you stuck in ghost relation?

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After breakup, relation is dead. It doesn’t mean that feelings are dead. The same is with rejections. Just because someone rejected you, it doesn’t mean that you stop immediately your feelings for this person. In both cases, this is ghost relation. We are bonded by our addiction, sadness, broken ego, and it can’t have nothing with love.

Let’s suppose that you are loving person. You had success with many guys , you are picky and it gives you big choice. One day someone said no. How is possible, everyone loves you, and he said no?  You keep following him, because he is the only you want.

Ghost relation is connection between subject and object. Subject is person who loves someone who said no, object is a target. This object can’t express love, so relation is one sided.  Now, you will say, very simple, object will walk away and this is end. Sometimes, person gives fake hopes.

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When person accepts ghost relation?

There is nobody better in the moment. Why not to enjoy in company of someone who is crazy for you?

He feel pity. “I don’t want to hurt her. ” “We can be friends, i can’t make her cry. “

Loneliness. ” I don’t love her but i don’t want to feel alone.

Ghost relation is unfair game. You accept, but you can’t give anything for return. Let’s assume that you will marry for someone because of interest. This is your speech : “I will make love with you but i don’t want to kiss you. I can’t love you. ” Remember scene from “Casino” when Sharon Stone gets marry for Robert de Niro even she doesn’t love him. She runs in arms of her real love, later.

If you are object of ghost relation, it would be fair to say clear what you feel. Don’t wait time , it will be worse. Don’t wait perfect moment, it will never happen. If your excuses are his parents, his friends or business agreement, if you work together and he feels more for you, don’t hesitate to say what you really feel.

A woman scorned is dangerous woman. Once when woman realize that you stole her time by misleading her, she will seek revenge. I remember my friend who slept with guy , the one who did not love her. Few evenings later, she saw him with other girl. She comes in night club, took glass of juice and spill it over his face, in front of his girlfriend. It was unpleasant situation, but he deserved.

Ghost relation is act of selfishness, but from both sides. You know he doesn’t love you, what you are doing with him? You know you doesn’t love him, so you are still there?

Painful truth is stroke of real love which hits owner of your heart. Suddenly, he falls in love and he gave to other woman all what you never got. Now you see he is able for love, but not with you.

Dirty cash – things which money can’t buy

Sound of money is favorite music for many ears. Who would not like to be rich? Imagine what you can buy with money, but also imagine what is still unreachable, despite of your big wallet?

When Sam was angry, his mother would buy him chocolate. When he was crying, she would give him money for ice cream. As teenager, Sam got new car because he broke up with girlfriend. His parents were rich and they wanted to make him happy, with money. As adult man, Sam did big success. He is boss in one successful private company , his wife has own fashion line and they are rich couple. It looks perfect, but during one of his business trips he found mistress and he bought her flat , just to meet with her from time to time. When Isabella, his mistress wanted to cut her wrists because she was lonely, Sam bought her plane ticket for Tahiti, to travel and clear her head. He has solution for everything. 

One day Sam got new neighbor. She was separated woman, with small kid. She was attractive, and he did everything to get close with her. Even that woman had financial troubles, she rejected his help. She also rejected to have sex with him. First time in his life, Sam did not buy something with his money. 

Some people grow up as rich, and money spoil them. For them it seems impossible that in this world are things which money can’t buy. 

Money is tool in your hands and symbol of power, until you can get everything what you wish.

What will be your possible obstacles? 

Where you can’t use money and where is money worthless?

Pride.

 If person has high level of pride, he will not take money to sell himself.

Education.

If you parents taught you that you don’t receive money from strangers or suspicious sources, you will not take it.

Caution.

If you are careful and full of doubts, you will not risk your life for big money.

Shame. 

Some people will not take money cause they feel unpleasant or embarrassed.

Loyalty.

Loyal person has no price and such person will not betray friend or love for money.

Love.

Place in heart cannot be filled by money. 

If you based your relation on money, your partner can find another person who has lower price. Once, when he realize that you will do everything for money, it will be easy to manipulate with you. Empty pockets are something you can change. It is more difficult to fill empty heart, especially if you lost precious piece a long time ago.

Female rivalry

It is great to have friend and share all secrets, troubles and joy with this person. Such friend is indeed right hand and you will never feel alone. If you are lucky to have few friends of the same gender, you got the most wonderful treasure.

Female friendships are really fragile gifts, as crystal glasses. Be careful how to hold that glass. If you hold too tight, glass will break. If you don’t hold careful, glass will slip out from your hands. And you can cut on that pieces.

How to recognize real from fake friend? Who is lady friend, and who is wolf friend, ready to tear you?

 

Some signs of a lady:

 

– she will ask you first how are you, and what is new, and then talk about herself

– she will help you when you have problems, without excuses, if she is busy she will help you when she will be available

– there is no guy who can stand between real female friends

– she will not date with your ex, with guy who is in your heart even if that guy doesn’t want you, also she will not associate with people who hurt you

– she will be happy for your success in work and in love, and she will not compete with you

When is clear that your best friend is wolf?

she talks only about herself, about guys who are stalking her, about her new shoes, and people who are envious to her

– she is with you all the time when you are in company with handsome guys, she wants to capture their attention

– she will date with your ex without telling you, she will try to seduce even your boyfriend

– she will be busy every time you need her, she has much more important things in her life

– she will be jealous and envious if your life is more successful and happier than hers

Friend wolf is indeed rival. It is better to have open enemy, than rival friend. She wants all what you have, even more. She is not here to make your life easier, she will make your life bitter. Because, she thinks that she is better, and she needs audience and slaves, not friends.

So take a look on your friends, do you see wolves between them?

How to get a girl?

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Love doesn’t come by force. The main mistake which inexperienced guy can do is to push or force girl to date with him. That kind of guys are or bad mannered or violent and every girl will escape from them.

When you like someone, imagine would you be happy to be with that person without her acceptance. This is the same as you hold parrot in the cage and she wants to fly out, but you don’t want to let her go. Love is a choice, not a prison.

Some men forgot that women have choice. In old times women had card to pick their partners for dance. Ladies were choosing accord their wishes. 

I can understand man wish to catch beautiful girl, but wrong approach is to be persistent and to annoy her when she doesn’t want to.

Megan was beautiful girl and very popular in the school. Roy was crazy for her, but she did not notice him. One day he gathered his 5 friends to support him in attempt to ask her for a date. When Megan saw group of guys in front of her classroom, she was very frightened. One of Roy’s friends approached to her and started to talk about Roy and his qualities, how he is good guy and how she will not find better nowhere. She simply runaway because it was trap for her. Nobody asked her what she wants. 

Some guys feel as losers and they compare themselves with their friends who are successful in dating.

Why some guys are chosen and popular, and why others are intruders and losers?

Popular guys have some characteristic:

They are unavailable from time to time.

They are busy with other things and they don’t ask for girl 24 hours.

They will not annoy girl with desires on first sight, they will talk with her first about other things.

They will give space to her to express her wishes.

They will respect her choice.

Also they will wait until she is ready for any decision about relation.



How you will recognize pest ?


He calls you “my best girl” even you did not say even hello to him.

Once you said no and he is again near you, repeating the same question when you will go on date with him.

His jokes are old fashioned and only he laughs at this. 

He got rejection from other women too.

He can be violent or use threats. (“If you don’t want to date with me, i will tell everyone that you are slut.”)

You can get his request for virtual friendship even you don’t have common friends with him, his profile is empty and about me is hidden.

Some men forgot simple thing, that women are not toys. You can’t treat woman as your property, she is not a car to drive her when you want and how fast you want. 

Indeed love is a lottery, and if you are not good player you will be alone because you chose bad strategy.

Did you sabotage your own wishes?

 

Did you ever ask yourself why it takes so long to get what you wish? Or why some of your wishes never became true? Maybe you wish two opposite things in the same time so one thing will abolish another.

What happens when you think like this:

I wish to change my job but i don’t want to leave my old workplace.

I wish serious relation but i can’t stop flirting.

I wish to lose my weight but i can’t stop eating candies.

I wish to have friends but i don’t want to hangout with people.

Our perception is our guideline. If we think on the way to sit on two chairs, we are not focused. Some people will think that they can do everything and that sacrifice is not necessary. Is it possible to feed wolf and not sacrify the sheep? 

Well, if you have fast metabolism you can eat candies, but question is how long. If you are married you can cheat partner, until your conscience tells stop or until he expose you as liar and cheater. You can take from people until they realize that you just take an advantage from them. You can earn from extra bonus work, but your time will be too busy for anything else than work. 

Every wish has a path. It includes discipline, selfcontrol and sacrifice. 

Lucy was flirty girl. She enjoyed to change men and to jump from one relation to another. When she met Malcolm, everything was different so she decided to marry for him. Before marriage, she wanted to be with another man, as last adventure before she settles down. Unlucky for her, she had envious friend Hilary, who saw her in infidelity action, and said all to Malcolm. Lucy lost Malcolm and it was price for her immaturity.

When you want something so badly, you will be ruthless. So, if you need to erase every person and every situation which distract you from your aim, you will do it. 

Nathan was also in situation to chose. He decided to marry and his friend Giselle hardly accepted this situation. She was calling him every day with lame excuses for conversation with him. Nathan’s fiance Melissa said to him to solve this problem, because it made mess to their plans. So Nathan block her number . He wanted to marry with Melissa and he did it.

Imagine your wish as trophy at the end of the race. You are running , and someone drags you for sleev. Will you stop to talk with that person or you will continue to run? Will you push this person because she is an obstacle? What you are ready to do, just to reach your aim and pick your trophy?How hard you wish something?

If you ask your friends how they realize their wishes , you will hear something like this:

“I am now slim because i gave up from candies. I exercise until i managed to do this.”

“I love my husband. So i said to another guys to go away from me.”

“I could not stand my job so i left. It was not easy but i don’t regret.”

“I did not trust people but i gave chance to new people in my life. Now i have friends.”

Reality is not fairy. You will not close your eyes to make a wish and wait for magic stick. First, you will pay your price , On this way you show how important is something for you. Meeting with reality is a deal. Shake your hands and give your deposit.

Tantal and forbidden fruit

 

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How many times we had feeling that something is in our hands, but suddenly it slips out? Man who is playing lottery needs only one number to get reward. Student could pass exam but only one word separated him from good result.

Man and woman loved each other but they split because small things involved into their relation. It takes just a little to win, but this little is also way to lose. So far away and so close. This feeling can drive us crazy, because it took so little for victory. That is worse than loss and later we could blame ourselves why we did not do more efforts into our plans. Or we can blame our bad luck, that was not written in the stars to happen.

Accord Greek legend, Tantal was standing in water and near him was tree with fruit. Every time he wanted to reach fruit, wind was blowing and he missed. He was desperate in his attempts to get fruit, and situation repeated again and again.

Life is not always fair. Wind will not always blow into our back. Sometimes we will fight against wind. The more we try, more we will suffer. But there is also other way, that we can extend our possibilities. In this attempt, to reach something unavailable or forbidden, we will find out more about themselves. Wow, i did not think that i can do it. Really, i am surprised that i made it. Now i got my wings and i can finally fly, sky is not the limit.

 

Situations at work and in private life are proof that persistent people will manage in their intentions sooner or later, because they don’t give up. 

Margaret was working under feet of her old female boss. It was mobbing, because everything what Margaret did was not enough. Close to the score, but not enough. Margaret felt like Tantal, she was stretching very hard in attempts to do her best. One day she got offer from business rivals. They noticed her abilities on business meeting. Margaret grabbed this and said goodbye to old boss.

Some people can’t satisfy our needs, but others will value us better. 

Sometimes we are martyrs as Tantal, but in other hand this is not the only tree with fruits. That is flying dragon, and more you spread your hands, he is more far away.

Experience will teach us that  in another place we might buy desirable fruits. After we learnt how to fight, next time will be easier because we search about various possibilities. Catch your fruit with tools and ignore the wind. Wind is not blowing in our back every time, but you can sail more faster if you follow his direction on the right way.

Let’s escape from reality for weekend

One average working week last 40 hours, if you work Saturdays, even more. We are tired and all we want is to relax on the best way.

If you are young and employed, your choice is big. Night clubs, private parties, concerts, you can have a blast everywhere. All you need are few good friends or your soulmate, and good time is guaranteed. 

Mostly, depression comes out at Friday night if you realize that you have nobody to spend time. During week you will occupy your mind with work or daily tasks, but weekend time is something different, you need to refill your energy.

 

The moment  you find out that your friends are busy with someone else at weekend time, you feel odd. Yes your friends needed you when they wanted someone to help them with car repair , housework or to lend them money, but now when you want to go out nobody calls you. If you drive a car your chances are better, because many people are drinking at weekend so they need someone who will drive them safely.

 

What are usual ways to spend weekend time?

Going out and have fun at cinema, clubs, theaters, private parties or wedding parties.

Spending time at internet.

Cooking some meals or cleaning flat.

Watching your favorite movies.

Romantic dinners with your soulmate.

Sport activities, like playing tennis, football, fitness.

Reading books.

Travelling on some nice place.

Shopping.

If you don’t get rest at weekend, your next week will be more harder to handle. Especially if you had conflict for weekend with your family or partner who did not want to help you to enjoy your time. Some children are selfish and they don’t want to wash dishes or laundry because they are too busy with other things. Serena is mother with 3 children and husband who is unemployed. Her weekends are always the same. Favorite cake for children, clean flat, ironing and washing. Nobody helps her. Husband has own hobbies, he is playing poker with his friends. Children are mostly out and they just nagging if cake is not ready at time or if they have no clean clothes to dress. Once Serena listened radio broadcast and they talked about great sunny day for weekend. She could only dream about walking at the lake near her house, because she had no time for this.

Don’t miss your weekend. Next week your boring boss will complain at you, people will annoy you at work and everything will be the same. This routine can kill you inside. The main moment when some of us really need to be selfish is weekend. If you must work to please others during week, take your free days to do something for yourself.

Only fools think that work is enough to make them happy. There is old Indian proverb : “If you think money can make you happy, try to breath through your money. “

4 illusions about happiness

 

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“I wish to be happy. ” How many times you said or heard this request? Happiness is follower of power, so when we are happy we can reach impossible goals. Simply, this wind in back is motivator, and we are safe, whatever we do, it will be in right direction.

Here is big catch. Many people are lazy and comfortable, so they can’t recognize happiness as reward in the end of hard work or as crown of pain. So, you wish to avoid obstacles and just grab your happiness? 

Close your eyes and think about misleads, how much your perception about happiness is wrong.

You would never believe that this elements are indeed basic of happiness.

Struggle. 

This is situation where you try hard, and something is always on your way. Obstacles are here, and someone will always steal carpet under your feet. You will fall and fall.

Sadness.

You had loss. You lost job, friends, love. Still, you don’t realize that is part of future happiness.

Lack of justice.

Your neighbor is rich, and he doesn’t deserve this? Why not you? Because you did not finish your task.

Defeats.

Every happy person had some defeats in his life. Famous people should be born under lucky star, but facts show different. Remember, Einstein had bad mark in maths. Bill Gates did not finished formal education. Marilyn Monroe never got Oscar.

Competition.

You hate your rivals, but they are more useful than friends. Why? Because critics will move you forward, not compliments. The best coach for happiness is person who underestimate you. You need to stay awake, and compliments will make you sleepy.

People will mix happiness with superstition, and some will believe that only chosen one will reach happiness.

The most often misleads about happiness are about sources. Happiness is not market, especially not for sale.Happiness is state of mind, and if you can’t be happy with yourself, other things will not make you happy. An opposite, you will bring bad luck.

What people think? 

Money will bring you happiness.

Maybe you are rich, but bad investment will make you poor. I know man who got big inheritance and he spent all on betting.

Your lover will bring you happiness.

If you give your partner so big burden, you will judge him if he makes you cry. 

Your religion will make you happy.

If you expect from God to make you happy, you are wrong. Your religion must come from the heart, God is not here to please you.

Your children will make you happy.

Children are the biggest wealth, but you are here to guide them. If you have no sober and health mind, you are bad role model.

The biggest fault of all people who expect gift of happiness is in their approach. They wait Granny with cookies. That is syndrome when person doesn’t want to do nothing to change situation. That person just expect ring on door, and someone will great news. “Oh, you won on the lottery!” “Dear, you are love of my life. Come here, i will make you happy. “

If you don’t see word “work” in your perception of happiness, you live in illusion. You might feel nice on your cloud, but jump at ground will be fatal for you. Don’t break your bones. Don’t say “i am cursed”, because that is result of your thinking.