Status: bachelor

Magic of love connected them in few moments. Sparks are around this couple, and she felt that is time to settle down. She asked him important question: “Would you like to marry with me?”

Suddenly, fire balls stop to spread lights, and everything turn into ash. He is numb, because he has no answer on this question. If he accepts, he will sacrifice his sexual life forever. If he says NO, this gorgeous woman will be hurt. So he decided for diplomatic answer : “I am not ready to get marry yet. ” She heard only word “yet” and this was another flame to warm up her hope.

Bachelors are type of men who think that time is limitless. It is alright to be bachelor in 25, but what is in 35, 45, or even 55 year? Young guys, who just step up into this life are joking about marriage. They are cheerful because they grab every chance to please their wishes and satisfaction is in status single. As long you are single, or at least you are not officially married, all paradise is in front of you.

What are misleads about bachelor status?

I always have time. Life is indeed short.

I did not find right woman to get marry. She is maybe in front of your nose, but you don’t see it.

I will not have any obligations. Yes, you will, just you will wash and ironing your clothes alone. Or with a help of your mother, who is getting older every day.

I don’t want to spend my money on wife and children. Even worse, you will spend money on alcohol, gambling and lot of activities because you are getting bored.

I will always have lot of friends. Wrong. Your friends are getting married, every day you will have less and less free guys to have party with them.

When i will have 50, young gorgeous woman is waiting for me. Women are not stupid and also we have taste. If man is not extremely rich , women will not even look at him.

The main difference between single woman (or unmarried) and bachelor is in attitude of society. Unmarried woman is woman with deadline. She is not so desirable, if she is already 30 or 40. Her time for having children is passing, her body is not perfect, wrinkles are here and her circle of fans is getting smaller. Bachelor is more desirable. He is now more mature, he is earning his own money, he has flat and now he needs only future wife. Business circles will ask for status, because married businessman is better candidate than single man. Politicians will ask for family man with obligations. Also, magazines will have list of handsome bachelors, as opportunities for women.

It is very interesting how society will label man as bachelor, even he is in relation or in cohabitation. Only formal paper means that man is out of this race.

Recently, yellow press wrote about George Clooney who finally engaged with woman lawyer, so she was marked as woman who caught him. They said, she was unavailable to him and he fall on old trick.

What is a recipe to catch bachelor? 

Universal recipe doesn’t exist. That is man decision. He wants you or he doesn’t want you. You can use some old tricks, but finally choice is his. Celebrities have much bigger choice and they will be more hard to get. Ordinary men will try to find woman accord their standards. There is one fact, some men will never get married. Simply, they did not feel they are ready on time, and time passed so they are still alone. One thing is sure, if you feel that you are bachelor , tell it to your woman, she deserve to know the truth. Give her time to find someone who is ready to settle down.

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What if your soulmate is already taken?

 

It is not rarity that we fall in love in someone who is already taken. Heart doesn’t know for status, so we will keep our feelings even there is no hope to realize that love. Also, this is question of morality, why to involve in other relation and hurt someone? It could also happen to us so let’s not do something what can hit us as boomerang.

Sometimes, this forbidden person is not in so happy relation and if we discover this, chances are bigger. Everyone knows about familiar story Brangelina, when Angelina Jolie seduced Brad Pitt even he was in formal marriage with Jennifer Aniston. If they were so happy, that marriage would last. There was a hole and Angelina passed through this hole.

People stay in some relations, not always because they can’t live without each other. Sometimes, they will afraid to be alone or to hurt their partners, so they will stay even it doesn’t make them happy.

So, when you meet someone who is already taken, and you wish to involve, develop next strategy:

Ask your friends do they know something about this marriage or relation.

If person send you signals, accept this and try to make close with him or her.

If you are involved in love triangle, ask your rights. It means, ask him to break his regular relation.

Don’t wait too long. As much you wait, your chances are smaller.

Take your time and choose moment, don’t let your partner to delay. Sometimes, owner of your heart will sit on two chairs and this status quo situation will be comfortable for him.

Norma was manual worker, in cotton factory. She was young, only 23, when she fall in love in his boss Sam. He was 20 years older than she, and married, about 10 years. He did not agree with his wife, they had no children and conflicts between them were unbearable. But, his wife did not wish divorce, because they were both rich and she did not want to lose her comfortable zone. Norma and  Sam get involved after 6 months, and his wife found out for them. It was rough time, but Norma did not want to give up. So finally Sam got divorce, after she accepted some financial terms. He gave car and flat to his wife and she let him go. Now days, Sam and Norma were married couple, with two daughters.

When couples split because of third person, they will accuse each other for betrayal or fraud. 
Indeed, if they break up, it is not because someone invades in other space. They simply lost interest or they did not work on relation. If they had much conflicts, or if they simply pushed their problems away, with time this relation will be just empty bag. Plans did not realize, they are disappointed and appearance of third person is just an alert.

In opposite case, if couples love each other, if they spend much time together and they are devoted, third person will be only stone on the road. They will hit that stone far away. Then status taken has sense, because it doesn’t include nobody else.

All shades of jealousy

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That sting will pinch you right into your heart. Your beloved partner is staring on other woman, and she is young, sexy and stunning. How do you feel? You wish to slap him or to make her vanish? Simply, you will swallow this bitterness or you will make a fight with him?

No matter how calm person is, it is hard to avoid jealousy. How does it happen? Jealousy is made of fear and envy. We afraid to lose our partner because of another person and then we feel envy toward our competition. Other followers of jealousy are insecurity, rage and anger. How much you did for him and he is acting like this? What will happen now, my relation is on insecure ground?

Jealousy might be spice to your relation if you use it properly. When couple is in long relation or in marriage, routine and boredom will attack your harmony and small dose of jealousy will help. It is good to remind your partner from time to time that you are still desirable, that other men are looking for you and you can return smile to handsome stranger. Sometimes it helps, when our partner have chance to see things with other eyes. 

Lisa and Brad were married about 10 years. Their sexual life had pattern, once in two weeks, when both found enough time between daily obligations and their work. They both chilled out. Lisa was still attractive but Brad did not notice her new skirt, new haircut or new underwear. One day Lisa met in the street her old friend from school days, handsome guy Timothy. She invited him to lunch at her home. While she was washing the dishes, Timothy said to Brad : “You are lucky man, i tried with Lisa before many years, but she was always looking friend in me. ” That words made Brad to think, when he was the last time that he imagined his wife as desirable ? In this case, Timothy helped without knowing.

Small dose of jealousy is spicy, but large amount is poison. Imagine that you are with man or woman who will complaint every day because you talked with someone at the street, because you have friends at work or you use social networks? This burden will be too heavy for you. In extreme cases, it will cause end of your relation.

We can make difference in jealousy , if we compare that feeling in colors.

These are some shades of jealousy.

White area. 

Your partner will not complain on your friends, he will allow you to drink coffee with them, to make lunch, even to make an innocent flirt with smile and sweet words. Here, kiss in cheek is the limit. So, your partner is not jealous, and maybe you want to make him jealous more?

Grey area. 

Your partner will be angry if you talk on phone with your friend from childhood, he will complain that you are too close with him. Also, why your male boss call you even in free time? You will try to explain that guys are harmless.

Blue area. 

Your guy will make conflict with other guys. Someone slap you in the butt until you were passing? Someone said nasty words to you? This is men pride, so it is not nice to comment to their girls. How would you feel that someone say to your girlfriend how hot is she, in front of you? Still you can avoid fight with ignorance or good joke as “too pity she is not your girlfriend.” In women case, only idiot women will slap butt of guy who is in company with other girl. That is filthy sign of despair. 

Red area

Your partner will make fight, without explanation. Your phone will be destroyed, your internet will not work and he will forbid you to talk with other guys, even with threats. Watch out, this is sick and paranoid. When you are into red area, runaway from there quick until you have whole teeth.

Sometimes, jealousy will be funny. You will enjoy to tease your partner because of his insecurity. This might be also your internal joke, how to make each other jealous . You can create limits. In other way, if you don’t respect wishes of your partner, if you have secret toward him and you are not cooperating, jealousy is not funny anymore. Secrets are followers of jealousy. You know how far you can go. He trusts you and he let you to drink coffee with this guy, but don’t kiss him because you are crossing the limits. The same with women, if your woman trusts you, don’t make her regret.

Jealousy is desirable spice until you increase the dose. In that case, jealousy is poison and her victims are random, she is not selective and she has no mercy.

Toxic relations – are you involved in one of those 3 types?

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Did you ever feel that you stand between love and hate toward one person? Your heart loves him, but you mind despise your choice. This happens when your partner  is humiliating you. In this way, that is Stockholm syndrome, when you are bonded with someone who doesn’t love you. This is relation between master and slave. He will not leave you, but you will give him your heart on the palm. That means, he will take from you all what he wish, and if you complain, it will get worse.
Chemistry is weird thing. Once when someone press right buttons, you will not ask what this could bring to you. That man makes you hot, you enjoy to make love with him, and you love him. If you scratch under surface, there are many failures. He is not obligated and not responsible for you, because you are the one who asked this, not he. He only accepted what you offered to him.
How you will know that you are involved in toxic relation?
 
This kind of relation could be covered with sweet words, promises, hot passion, so you will not have idea that you stuck in the trap. The more time you spent with such man, you are deeper in problems.
3 types of this relation will help you to find out are you in this danger zone.
Secret relation.
Nobody knows about you and him. He said, it must be secret because he is married, not ready or too busy for real relation. If you accept this, slavery is already here.
Relation on distance.
It doesn’t matter how many kilometers separates you. But, if he was in your city and he did not call you, he doesn’t care. If he asks from you to visit him, and he doesn’t want to pay expenses, or he never visited you, he is not interested for something serious.
Relation without guarantee.
He never talks about marriage. Until this is good , he is pleased and he doesn’t ask for more. After 10 year without guarancy , you might ask yourself, will you spend your whole life wondering. Or he will abandon you because of someone else?
Healthy relationship involves respect, loyalty, care, responsibility. By default, you don’t have to ask for this, because if he loves you, that is understandable. It is like you would ask him to bring you water if you are thirsty. If you are in toxic relation, he will make respect under question. Who are you anyway to blame him for infidelity ? He did not promise you nothing. You cried for him and wanted to be with him, so pay your price.
Darlene was in toxic relation with Bryan. They were lovers five years. He wanted to be free man, but still he wanted to have someone who will care for him. Darlene knew that they are not in classic relation, because he avoid to introduce her to his friends and family. In this case, she hoped that Bryan is just playboy who cannot change, because other women will be hurt too. But, Bryan was not the same toward every women in his life. He was gentleman when he wanted. Darlene got his bad edition. He asked her only for sex or when he was alone. She felt that it ruins her whole life. Her colleagues at work did not respect her anymore, her parents were worried and she lost some friends, because they could not listen her voluntary tragedy anymore. It was agony until the day when Darlene met another guy. Something broke in her heart when Bryan was not jealous. She realized, that Bryan indeed never cared.
Toxic relation is voluntary connection, and that is sad part. Nobody force you, but you are stubborn because only he makes you happy. Or, you are too big coward to ask something better or you think you deserve little passion and big disgrace?
In real love, heart is not poisoned with hate, revenge and jealousy. Toxic relation involves fight for survival. I am not sure, who will survive for a long time, because this is far from happy end.

What happens during marriage crises?

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Marriage is holy connection with partner, insurance of your love. This person belongs too you and ring is symbol of dedication. What happens when this ring doesn’t mean nothing and when signature on formal papers is just a formal letter, without worthiness?

Young Croatian tennis player Donna Vekić recently became subject of gossips. Accord press, she is guilty for broken marriage . She is new girlfriend of Stanislas Wawrinka, 30 years old  swiss tennis player.

His marriage came to the end and now many blame young and pretty Donna, that she is the main causer of disaster.

Typical opinion of moral policy is against woman in this triangle. Many will pull trigger on Donna, because she is 18 and she should not involve with married man. How many will blame Stanislas , who declared divorce from 10 year older wife? His explanation is, he wants to be free again.

Married men pass through crises.

It  happens on next ways:

He wants to go out with friends more often.

He wants space for himself.

He would like to meet new women.

He wish to divorce, because he wants to be free again.

It is easy to judge young girl, when it comes to disaster. His wife is older 10 years than him, and now he meets beautiful young girl. That girl is inexperienced and life is maybe only game for her, but shall we hang her because she was in the middle of marriage disaster? This is hypocrisy of society, to blame woman for all. It takes two for dance, so nobody forced this guy to hangout with Donna. She could give him signs and seduce him, but if he truly loved his wife, her odds would not be good. He would maybe use her for one night stand and make it secret. That is how some men do, when they want everything, good wife and hot mistress. 

It is not possible to be free as single man if you are in marriage. You took some responsibility and obligations. Married man who is dating with other women is just a jerk. Sooner or later someone will see him and then it will be beginning of the end. Wife will blame other women, because that is easier. You can’t kill bitch because she is younger, more slim or more pretty than you are. You must ask yourself, why your husband lost interest for you? Is there anything to keep you together in this marriage?

Even you have ring on your finger, it could be on fire when you reveal that your husband is prince charming for some other girls. You can slap her or spit on her, but husband will escape anyway, if there was nothing left to keep you together more.

Forbidden love with spouse

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Many articles talk about women who fall in love in married men. They are considered as victims, delusional or marriage breakers. Words are not saved, so slut, whore or bitch is not rare name for mistresses.

What happens when situation is an opposite? When single man falls in love in married women, how society look at this? Famous Richard Branson waited one year that his present wife divorce from her former husband. He loved married woman.

What kind of men can fall in love in married woman and got involved with her?

Men who had no luck in love. His partners are always wrong, and he is already so disappointed that he gave up from love.

Playboys. He ask perfect opportunity for relation without obligation, and married woman can’t commit to him cause he is already obligated to her husband.

Teenagers and young man in twenties. Their fantasies in bed starts with married teachers, neighbors or his friend’s mother.

Man with Peter Pan syndrome. He is afraid to commit and married woman is ideal for this.

Men in midlife crises. He is already divorced or he never got married, but he needs warm body next to him.

Now, this kind of affair has some rules, and if mad husband will not catch you , you need to stick to some rules:

As married man, spouse will not divorce in mostly cases. She needs refreshment, not commitment.

Husband is in first plan, so forget about spending holidays and vacation with her. 

Don’t make her feel guilty. You knew she is married so you have no power as her husband.

Don’t be jealous. She will sleep with her husband too, at least she is a wife.

Expect messages and calls in unpredictable time. She can’t know when she is free. 

In such situation, society will pity for man who got involved with spouse, and judge her who is cheater and marriage breaker. In situation where man is cheater, society will judge his mistress. In both situations, women are in worse positions, because mistress is a slut as cheating wife is a slut.

I wish to say, man can also found out himself in difficult situation. What started as sex can finish as broken heart. Man’s heart is also not from stone, he can really fall in love in spouse who is already taken. Then, what’s next? Do you want this woman because she is forbidden or you really want to steal her to be your wife?

In some situation fooled women fails and chose donkey instead of horse. She got divorce, but her lover is not interested for her anymore. It was great until here was drama and forbidden space. Now, when here are dishes and bills, all is routine, too much obligations and this is not funny anymore.

That happens with affairs, you never know when it could be worse. If you cut of affair and your husband still doesn’t know anything, you are saved. If you continue this road to hell, you can expect everything. Two or three broken hearts or another marriage? Time will show until you still have it enough guts to wait.

 

Infidelity – this 6 causers motivate you to cheat?

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Infidelity is double cross. Once when you admit it to best friend or someone you trust, you are good material for judging. It is very rarely to find person who will try to understand your reasons . Before that, you will be subject of preaching, fake morality and people will consider you as demon. I am not saying that cheating is something to approve, but before you judge or crucify such person, read between lines.
What are the most often reasons for infidelity?
Lack of passion.
Boredom and daily routine in long relations and marriage are killers of passion. Instead of hot kiss you will look at your bills and dirty laundry.
 
Your partner is passive and takes you for granted.
Some men stop to work on relation. Once when they get paper, the rest is history and it works by default.
 
Your partner stare at another women.
This looks innocent, but in fact is unpleasent. When you are at the street, at coffee bar you feel embarrassed if your partner look at another boobs and booty and comment how sexy some women are.
 
Your partner is never at home.
He is busy with his work, friends, hobbies. 
 
Your partner thinks that you are fat.
He avoids sexual contact with you.
You went in this marriage accord your interests and financial security.
People will say, why to cheat partner, leave him. Or leave her, if she is not for you. Infidelity is indeed closed circle, because sense of cheating is not another marriage. You want to feel sparks as on the beginning of relation, you want to tremble when your partner is touching you, and when you pass through this, when your lover is in the same position as your husband, you got tired of him too. Maybe even your husband is more interesting after you get bored of lover.
I don’t justify infidelity and for sure i will not recommend this. I try to understand this, and for sure there are limits between fantasies in your mind and real things. Who did not have fantasies about another person? If we spread word infidelity in every areas, masturbating at porno movies will also be infidelity if you have partner, drinking coffee with friend will also be kind of cheating if you share with friend something what you can’t say to your partner.
There must be special bond which connects you with your partner, and reason why you reject another men even you have desires. Something what you have only with him. And if you judge people who forgive infidelity, would you ruin your whole relation or marriage because of one night stand, because your partner mistaked?
Infidelity is matter of personal deal between partners. Only you know how much you can handle. In some countries, infidelity is punished by death penalty. Law decided instead of people and woman who cheats her husband will stay without head. So there is no much space for thinking. In free countries, women will take a risk . Some will open internet pages and talk with sexy strangers when husband is not at home. This is indeed innocent, ask how much women have virtual friends, and ask how much would leave partner because of internet lover. Not many. Some will say that their trips in unknown areas make their marriage better.
Morality is extended value, if you look from another angle. Your friend will maybe judge you, but inside her mind is envy because other men look at you too. Some people will gossip others, and they will be frustrated because they can’t do the same. Soap operas, Big brother and many reality shows made new opportunities for people and relationships are tempted by forbidden fruit.
Infidelity is poison in small doses. You can stop when you wish if is not too late.