What we say in silence?

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I am talkative person, but once when i get silent, i can be numb forever. With years i learnt about power of silence, especially in situation when someone hurts you. Before i thought that silent people are weak and fragile, and i underestimated silence as tool of cowards.

Recently one person hurt me. We were close friends, i gave him my trust, loyalty and confidence. He mixed this gifts with toys, and he acted like kids with borrowed dolls, he broke it. We had conflict , lot of insults were in the air, and it finished with silence from my side. I used silence and ignorance as my answer, because it would be endless conflict. Simply, i decided to finish this story with my poker face, while insults dropped as raindrops , i was standing and smiling in the storm of bullets.

I know i won and this is what i said in my silence:

I am busy with my success and i have no time for your frustrations.

I am busy with people who love me, and i don’t have time for people who hate me.

I burnt this bridge, why you still walk on remains? 

I am on my throne so high that i can’t see you, so i can’t hear you very well too.

What i got with my silence?

Peace. I don’t think about his insults because i don’t interact with him anymore.

Freedom. I don’t think what he said, so it gives me space for valuable thoughts.

Smile. I know he can fall very low so i turn his insults into bad jokes.

I know this is not the end and he can appear somewhere to continue our conflict. In this case, i have bulletproof wall. It is better to hit knife in open target, than try to break the wall.

Person who can’t say magic words : i am sorry, thanks for being in my life, forgive me is not a gentleman.

This is just narcissist who asks for applause and audience who will obey to him. This  is not matter anymore, because i learnt magic power of silence.

4 steps how to be selfish

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Selfishness is a trap without bottom. Everyone will fall into this seduced by own desires and wishes. The main difference is in control, how much are we able to resist and fight against this demonic feeling?

Every human relation will consider selfishness as enemy. Mother can’t be selfish, friends can’t think only about their needs, lovers must share things and accept opinions from other side.

How you will recognize this moment when you were selfish?

Selfishness will develop from small seed into monster plant. 

First stage: you are talking only about yourself, even you are not alone. “I think we should go there. You need to accept my proposition, i know the best.”

Second stage: denials of other wishes and needs. “I think you are not so experienced to do this. Let me do this.”

Third stage: you do mistakes, but you don’t want to admit it. “What, did i mistake? It could not happen to me, i am perfect. “

Fourth stage : you will blame others that they hurt you, without seeing your contribution. “But you insulted me and i slap you. You provoke me so i broke your nose.”

When person is selfish, she will made small circle. There will be people who are made accord her wishes. That people will clap their hands for all her actions, they will confirm what she is doing even she does wrong. This circle will be closed for everyone who thinks different. Ego is creator of this circle and such person doesn’t allow criticism or different opinions. This is small world and dictator is sitting on big chair surrounded by his smarmy friends.

The most beautiful relations develop from differences. When someone make a challenge, he will not insult you. An opposite, this person tests you how much you are brave to accept differences. The best friends i made are those i had some argument at the beginning. Once when we agreed about our preferences, we made great healthy deal. 

You can see good example of selfishness at internet pages. Add me, chat with me, like my page, accept my tags. All this is nice and interesting, but what you offer for return? Silence, ignorance, arrogance or just a hint that others are too small for you?

Famous persons are celebrities because their fans made this from them. Without audience, every cocky star would be nothing. 

Selfishness will show her dark face once when you lose friends or person who is owner of your heart. This is only medicine for egoists, because then they will be finally faced with themselves. 

“Mirror, mirror who is the most beautiful woman in the world? It must be me.” Like in old fairy tale, your ego wants to kill all rivals , but the biggest rival is inside of you. 

Are we just slaves of our computers?

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During my 10 years at social networks, i noticed usual pattern . People are mostly lazy to read long posts because of various reasons.

They are busy with real life.

They are lost in bunch of many info on internet.

They prefer to read post of those who read their posts.

They prefer to comment post from people who try to please them. 

When i was in high school, reading books was stylish thing. People used to talk about Sartre, Proust and Dostojevski, instead of someone’s profiles as nowadays. Today, Dostojevski is guy you can google about. If someone read whole book , that is corny. When i put long status and expect deep thoughts, i got replies – have a nice day and hello.

It is not general statement and of course examples are always here. Well, what to say about girl with big boobs who will post thought about her too tight bra, and got 1000 likes? Then, someone will post about cancer and get silence. Someone will post about sense of life to get few comments from those who still wish to read.

We became to lazy to talk and too fast to make photos of everything. I had lunch, let me make photo of this meal. I was out of city, if i don’t post photo of awesome place, nobody will know that i was there.

How we became hypocrites and superficial society? Shall i change my style to post “hello”., “thanks” or “have a nice day” as my main thoughts?

An opposite to some guides, blogging is not business with pattern. This is state of mind and soul and only on this way is honest and various from usual greeting on the street. That is how you know that someone did not use spam and that computer by itself did not write those lines.

Did you sabotage your own wishes?

 

Did you ever ask yourself why it takes so long to get what you wish? Or why some of your wishes never became true? Maybe you wish two opposite things in the same time so one thing will abolish another.

What happens when you think like this:

I wish to change my job but i don’t want to leave my old workplace.

I wish serious relation but i can’t stop flirting.

I wish to lose my weight but i can’t stop eating candies.

I wish to have friends but i don’t want to hangout with people.

Our perception is our guideline. If we think on the way to sit on two chairs, we are not focused. Some people will think that they can do everything and that sacrifice is not necessary. Is it possible to feed wolf and not sacrify the sheep? 

Well, if you have fast metabolism you can eat candies, but question is how long. If you are married you can cheat partner, until your conscience tells stop or until he expose you as liar and cheater. You can take from people until they realize that you just take an advantage from them. You can earn from extra bonus work, but your time will be too busy for anything else than work. 

Every wish has a path. It includes discipline, selfcontrol and sacrifice. 

Lucy was flirty girl. She enjoyed to change men and to jump from one relation to another. When she met Malcolm, everything was different so she decided to marry for him. Before marriage, she wanted to be with another man, as last adventure before she settles down. Unlucky for her, she had envious friend Hilary, who saw her in infidelity action, and said all to Malcolm. Lucy lost Malcolm and it was price for her immaturity.

When you want something so badly, you will be ruthless. So, if you need to erase every person and every situation which distract you from your aim, you will do it. 

Nathan was also in situation to chose. He decided to marry and his friend Giselle hardly accepted this situation. She was calling him every day with lame excuses for conversation with him. Nathan’s fiance Melissa said to him to solve this problem, because it made mess to their plans. So Nathan block her number . He wanted to marry with Melissa and he did it.

Imagine your wish as trophy at the end of the race. You are running , and someone drags you for sleev. Will you stop to talk with that person or you will continue to run? Will you push this person because she is an obstacle? What you are ready to do, just to reach your aim and pick your trophy?How hard you wish something?

If you ask your friends how they realize their wishes , you will hear something like this:

“I am now slim because i gave up from candies. I exercise until i managed to do this.”

“I love my husband. So i said to another guys to go away from me.”

“I could not stand my job so i left. It was not easy but i don’t regret.”

“I did not trust people but i gave chance to new people in my life. Now i have friends.”

Reality is not fairy. You will not close your eyes to make a wish and wait for magic stick. First, you will pay your price , On this way you show how important is something for you. Meeting with reality is a deal. Shake your hands and give your deposit.

Is your soulmate your ideal partner?

 

As beginners in romantic relations, we first make fantasies about our ideal partners. What’s turn you on? Do you think everything will be perfect if you get guy from your imagination? What’s  turn you off? Will you be miserable if you get husband from turn off list?

Jane never liked men with fat belly and hairy men. That was sign that man is too old and untidy. She was dating with guys from gym but all broke her heart. She was easy target for them, horny and fast to jump in bed with muscles. Well, when Jane met Albert, she was down after breakup. Albert, man with fat belly and hairy face, worked in the same office with her, as new workmate. He was everything she did not wanted, but he had great sense for humor. Also he was gentleman, educated and patient. He gave her feeling of dignity back. At the end, she got married for turn off guy.

Question: if guy is turn on, do you easier fall on him? Will you let him to make love with you on first sight, because he is adorable?

Another question: if guy is turn off, will you give him chance even to talk with you? Or you will say no immediately’?

I think that our husbands are mix of turn on and turn off situation. He is the best from both options. I love men with beard, and my husband looks great with beard. I love aggressive men, and my husband is assertive person. So this turn off was in the fact my lesson. Aggressive guys, my turn on’s were aggressive not just with others, they did the same with me. I was impressed with their approach, sense to control me and sexual energy, but i was not impressed with humiliation, insults and underestimation. The most, i was not impressed to share aggressive man with other women , who are horny from desires. I wanted vodka with ice, not vodka with whiskey. So i found ice to make my vodka more suitable for drink.



The most often turn on’s in women fantasy:

Sex with stranger.

Marriage with rich man.

Relation with the most handsome guy in school

Relation with footballer. 

Relation with hero who save her dignity.

If you think that similarities will save your relation, you are wrong. It depends in which way you are similar souls. If you have mutual plan to travel around the world, you are soulmates, but if your similarities is based on both, stubborn characters, you will not go too far. Two stubborn partners will hardly make compromise. One must say to other : “you have right this time. “

The most often turn offs in women reality:

Fat or chubby guys.

Guy who stinks.

Poor guy without job.

Ugly guy. 

Old virgin. Man from 40 years, as virgin is not desirable.

Man who lives whole life with his mother.

As much we have fantasies, we also have fears. As one my friend says : “I am afraid that i will get marry for bold, fat man who can’t make love with me anymore. ” In every period of life, woman has fears and dreams. When you get marry, you will count results of your fears and dreams. Is your husband nightmare or prince from dreams?

When patience is lost

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Someone who waited for a long time said that patience is a virtue. I would not agree with this, cause some things need rush otherwise it will never happen. Imagine sick woman who needs emergency, and people advice her : “Be patient. ” Imagine person who wait for a job few years, and the only advice he got is “Wait and it will be worthy. “

Sometimes, patience is deception. This is an excuse, delusional answer on question :”Will you get it? Will you make success?” What i think, once in life we must press red button. This means, hurry up, push it forward, even it looks like you are in panic. You would be surprised how people react when you said that you lost patience.

Amber, familiar as patient woman was waiting for a promotion at work few years. She was in line, her colleagues were promoted, but somehow she was in background. This award skipped her, and she was watching this, with silence . She swallowed bitter pills, until the day when her boss promised her , you are next. Amber said with big sigh: “Oh, my time came. ” Day after, boss called her to meet new colleague, Patricia. “This is your new cooperator, indeed your new boss, Patricia. She will take your place in project. I was thinking a long time, and i need fresh blood. ” Amber was red in a face, she started to yell at boss and said her all in face. All these years of struggling , all this mobbing and bitching, and Amber got kick in the ass. Lucky, she had cool colleague, Steven. He whispered in her ear: “I will write you appeal, and send it into higher instance. There is commission, they will know what to do with your boss. She afraid of two things, press and commission for appeals. ”  So, after boss found out for appeal, she was shocked. What, it came from quiet, almost incapable Amber? She invited her to negotiate. Amber was very tense, but also firm. She said: “I have no more patience. You will promote me or i send appeal. I don’t care. I have nothing to lose. ” A week later, boss found solution : Amber will be transferred into new department, on higher place. She will get better position. Nobody wanted scandal, so Amber accepted this offer.

What is indeed patience? Waiting on your turn? Be quiet for a years, never ask woman you love would she like to date with you? Never complain about your salary? Patience is worthy when you have something specific to wait for. If you have date of wedding. If you work voluntary and you know when you will get money. Patience is intro, but the main story develops in rush.

Patient neighbor will lose nerves after he said you 5 times to shut down your music. Patient teacher will give you bad mark after he said you few times that you need to study more.

Be patient is sometimes symbolic word for never. Dreams which will never become true, not because it was impossible. It is just because you waited too long.

Seduce my mind

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On first sight, seducing is easy. Touch this special someone , squeeze his hand, look him into eyes and kiss him. This is physical contact and body language will speak by itself. If you think that guy is sexy and handsome, you will easy fall on his charm and you will give him access to your heart. What will happen later? What if you reveal that you can’t talk with him about any topics, that he doesn’t understand you and that every your attempt fails because you don’t fit?

Did you ever feel that someone seduced your mind without touching you?

When you fall in love in someone’s mind and character, you are knocking on secret door. It means, you don’t fall on person because of his sexy body or amazing eyes, you will fall on spiritual connection. This kind of love is deeper and more firm than sexual attraction. 

Lynette is pretty woman in thirties. She has no luck with guys and behind her are few broken relationships with various men who did not care about her. She did wrong choices, because she picked guys accord their outside look. Her previous boyfriends were sexy, handsome and popular, but empty as vacuum. Lynette was very surprised when they left her because of other girls, who were less educated, less smart and even less pretty than Lynette. They said in generally : “Lynette, you are amazing woman but it is hard to understand you. ” They did not feed her brain and she could not feel complete with them.

Recently Lynette started to chat on internet with stranger. His nickname was Spider. He explained, that he likes to caught other’s minds in his network. Day by day, Lynette felt that she knew him a long time ago. They were so connected that Lynette felt spiritual orgasm with him. After two months, Lynette was dying from curiosity who is he. They had deal, to see each other in coffee bar in center of the city. When Lynette saw him, she almost fainted. It was her neighbor, from next door. She barely noticed that guy, she was few years younger than she is, he had glasses and his hair was messy. He was not ugly, but he was not her type of man, at least not like these she used to date with. His name was Sean and he reminded her on Harry Potter. She almost get up from the table and said to him goodbye, but something held her to stay. He made her smile with his jokes. He was real gentleman and he said to her that she is not obligated to see him anymore. He just wanted to say that he adores her a long time ago, but he did not dare to approach her, and internet was only way to talk with her. He apologized for causing her troubles. Lynette was thinking and finally she decided to call him another day. The rest was history. After she made love with Sean, she connected her both sides in one. Physical needs and spiritual desires made amazing coherence.

Love is unpredictable and blind. Ways of love are unsolved mystery. Sometimes it happens, that we don’t know what we missed. We need to find puzzle and we are looking at wrong place. 

If you fall in love in someone because of his mind or character, you have excellent background for firm relation. Of course, you must be attracted physically because you can’t touch someone who is not accord your taste. 

If you have luck, that behind this amazing eyes is thoughtful brain, you reach your score. Also, if that person pressed all your buttons, you are activated.

Often, you can ask yourself two questions:

Would you stay in relation with someone who is smart and kind, but ugly?

Would you stay in relation with someone who is sexy and handsome, but stupid and rude?

Extremities are not good in any way, so you will think about what you prefer. You can pick something what you like in particular person and this will be your reason to love her or him. Sometimes, you don’t see person. He is charming ghost. It is not that you don’t see just how he looks. Sometimes, you can’t know who is he indeed. 

What drags you to continue, only you know and you will go to this direction. That person will not change. He will stay stupid or ugly, but you will decide will you hold on there or change your preferences.