What is indeed romantic?

 

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Stereotypes develop from childhood. Differences between genders grow through traditional values , modify with time, but skeletons stay unchanged , no matter about fashion and progress. Let me remind you, if you gave birth to boy, what will you buy him as toy? Little car, ball or plastic gun? If you gave birth to girl, what will you buy to her? Doll, pink dress or flowers? As we made labels for seats, we also labelled women and men, to see why is something suitable, and why other things are not appropriate.

Ask random man what he would buy to woman. He will say : roses , if i like her. Red roses for love, white roses for appreciation, yellow roses for honor and friendship, and orange roses as sign of passion. Well, did you ask her, do you like flowers, anyway?

Some women will melt on first sight, when they get flowers. “Oh, how nice. He is real gentleman. ” Others will say : “What i will do with this roses, when they fade? I have no nerves to change water every day, besides, i have allergy. ” Despite of all , some men will treat women on equal way, and they will think that roses are universal recipe to capture woman’s heart.

Do you want drag woman to bed? Give her roses.

Do you want to make an apology because you hurt her? Give her roses.

You want to borrow money from her? Give her roses.

You want to say goodbye to her? Give her roses.

Poor flowers suffer from so much purposes, and the most funny part is when flower is artificial or not fresh. Faded roses at desk are dead nature, as artificial rose petals. Well, that is flower, who made difference, even it doesn’t smell nice?

Now, i bet everyone of you met granny with roses. If you visit coffee bars or night clubs, you have seen this creature. Old woman who wish to sell bunch of roses, because that is tradition, that is appropriate. Which kind of woman doesn’t want roses, she must be masculine or at least not well mannered.

When granny with roses approach to you and your partner, she is ready to manipulate. Now, see next scenario in your minds.

Your partner :  “Damn, i should buy her rose.  She will think that i am idiot without feelings. “

You : “If i don’t accept, he will think that i am not a lady. “

So, granny with roses wait to get her money. For sure, she plays on feeling of guilt. She spread poisoned arrows in both ways, to make couple guilty by default. Man buy rose, and woman smile and said : “oh, thank you dear. ” Granny puts money in the pocket.

I am not afraid to say that granny is promoter of bullshit. I saw many times old lady who was disturbing and annoying by her attempts to sell roses. Maybe you wish to whisper on your partner’s ear or kiss him, and she came between you to offer you rose , without respect to your privacy. Also, buying flowers should be spontaneous act. On this way, your partner is trapped. Maybe he spent last money on drinks, and now he must buy rose?

What granny with roses offer is far away from love and respect. She is selling product. She is kind of beggar, just not without money. Also, she is challenger, to check are you and partner on the same line. If you both agree, accept this flower. Well, if you not, send her to hell.

Women are caught in the network of rivalry. I got roses, you did not get. I am pretty, you are ugly. This funny circle is made of vanity, not from love. Roses which granny offered are faded, a long time ago. It just looks like sign of attention, this is indeed moral blackmail.

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Life in blog sphere

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“How is it going on blog? Are you earning a lot? ” My friend asked me this before a long time, and said also : “I would like to write blog, too. “

I did not want to discourage her and break her illusions. Writing blog is not simple how it looks. Mostly, people live in dreams that they will be popular over night and that they will learn a lot of money.

If someone ask me how much i earn, i will frankly say : nothing. I did not want to pay domain which is too expensive , to monetize my blog. I have regular job and i have no time to visit many blogs and to pull people on the sleeves. I gave them freedom to read me if they like my posts. Also, i don’t let people to promote themselves on my blog page. I think everyone should pay promotion if they wish.

I am person who will never pretend. If i comment your content, it means i really like this. I am not person who will put thousand likes on your post and then say : “Wow, now look at my blog. ” This is old trick, we all know that such “admiration” indeed means that i did not read your content and that i only wanted to be noticed.

Another thing which every beginner at blog afraid are haters. Well, i must wake you up. There are no haters, there are only silent, ignorant people. Believe me, millions of bloggers are on Internet, and if you gain haters, it means they read you. So, you should be grateful for haters.

I want that you pay attention on chatters. Yes, that are those desperate people who come under your post, without reading it, and then comment how they spent day.  So, i had “pleasure” to read chat under my post about “man who lost his mom in storm. ” My deep condolence, but i am not so merciful that i will let therapy under my blog post. This is not place for this, and yes, therapists are well paid.

Also, don’t listen to people who try to make you guilty. “Oh, you are so rude. Why we can’t post links under your blog. We are all equal here. ” No, equity and equality are two different things. I did not give you permission to post your links, but i did not do the same at your blog. How would you feel in the case if i post about football under your religious post? Because, i am big football fan, i will post about Neymar and Messi under your prayers, because we are all equal?

Now, it is not all black, so i must say thanks to some sincere people who got my posts serious and inspired me with their stories. So, if i post story about broken heart, and you write about partner who left you, you are welcome. Why not to share your story (without link, of course). I am happy if my post wake up your memories, if my post made you smile or if you are wondering about your feelings.

In blog sphere everyone can find smart people who are very friendly. They will offer you page to share your links and to follow each other. I will do it when it comes time.

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Here is something what i very like to use, spam tool. When i see that comment is out of topic, i simple open trash box. Yes, you can write critics, but you can’t go out of topics or invite me to use some pages which will bring me viruses. I love my computers and phone, enough not to open it.

Blogging is bloody work. Some people will try to educate you, to preach you, to mock you, others will just ignore you or try to spam your page. This is all in human nature, to compete, to play , to annoy. I understand even this, some people are so lonely that they don’t make difference between blog and inbox, between internet and reality.

I believe everyone of you met with boring neighbor who knock at your door even you did not invite him or her, who sat at your table even you just came from work or who is here to ask you money or thousand favors. These are some bloggers, boring neighbors.

Now after this post i will get some haters . Just kidding. 🙂

Do you blame others for your failures?

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You know the feeling when someone is getting on your nerves, but for some reason you can’t respond properly. You depend on this person and you will swallow your rage. When rage is placed deep inside you, it will find a way out.

This rage is travelling until the right target. So, poor victim is third person, someone who is on wrong place in wrong time.

Mother comes home after exhausting day at work. Her boss gave her hard time, but little daughter asks for attention, she wants her favorite candy or she lost her Barbie doll,  so mother should help her to find where it is.

Damn, leave me alone. I can’t open my eyes, i am so tired. Can’t you give me a little peace?

Little girl will be offended without special reason, just because her mother did not face it with problem eyes to eyes with their causer.

New man comes in business company, he progressed as boss. His employers are in fear, because they don’t know when he will explode. He is recently divorced, and his wife escape with another man and their two children, so he is in the middle of court battle for custodial services. All the time angry and frustrated, he doesn’t see his employers. What he notice are not  indeed his employers , they are just symbols in this situation. He can be unkind and rude toward them because they are replacement for wife who is untouchable.

Shifted aggression is divided on attackers and victims. 
If someone tries to hurt you without reason, ask yourself what is bothering him or her. That are internal demons and they want to swim out .

These are signs of shifted aggression:
Person yells without reason or raise his voice.


Person accuses you for something you did not do.


Person provokes you, just in intention that you will fight back.


Person doesn’t want to see what you did good. He is interested only for possible mistakes.



This magic words “calm down” or “relax” will make even more bad effects. Just wait until storm pass. Maybe to offer them cup of coffee or tea  or tell them good joke?

 

So called kindness

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Use lovely smile and sweet words, talk kind and you are on the half way to get what you wish. Many times such behavior will make our view misty, especially when we reveal the truth. This woman was so sweet and kind, who would tell that she is indeed a bitch? That is in human nature, to make vision about fake saints and angels, to put them in the throne, and when they start to shit, people are surprised.

Lao Tse once said that nice words are not always true, and true words are not always nice. When someone treat you on kind way, it doesn’t mean that person loves you or likes you.

What kind of traps are wrapped in kindness?

Professional trap. Person wants to sell you something, so saleswoman will tell you that you look as Hollywood star in some dress, even you are indeed fat.

Favor for favor. That person will hug you and ask something from you, as kind of trade. “Dear, you are wonderful person, can you lend me some money?”

Knife in back. Backstabber will do this, until you listen their sweet words, such people will cook poison meal for you. The most easier way to get revenge to someone you don’t like is to prepare soft ground. Let this person melt with your kindness, and then you will smash her into face when she doesn’t expect this.

Sarah was new neighbor. She noticed Frank first day when she move in new apartment, but Frank was married man. Sarah made plan to caught him in her spider net. She made cake to offer this as gift . Then she organised party and invited both, Frank and his wife. She take care for their little daughter when both were busy. Who would not love Sarah? One day, when Frank’s wife was in business journey, Sarah appeared on his door in sexy dress. She wanted help from Frank, with buttons. His wife came earlier and that scene was unpleasant. Frank said to his wife :”How could you be so jealous? Sarah is so sweet and kind. Real angel.” She had this saint aureole around her head and nobody could prove opposite.

It is very unpleasant to make war with kind person. She will have huge support. People will fall on kindness, especially if that person did much favors. She prepared ground to make seed for her future actions. If you try to spit on angel, you will be marked as devil with horns. This is private soap opera, angry girls are bad, and sweet girls with smile are good. Don’t hurt good girl, she is so kind, she will cry and people will hug her because you hurt an angel.

Real kindness is not wrapped in bad intentions or purposes. If someone truly loves you, this person will not lick ground where you are walking. You don’t need red carpet. Obsequiousness and kindness are two different things. You can be decent without hyperbole. It is like you go to hairdresser, and she is walking around you with words: “Omg. Fantastic, real beauty! Model. Miss of the world.” Then you will pay big money for her masterpiece.

When someone kiss you in cheeks and hug you without reason, that is not natural if you don’t know this person very well. That is Trojan horse. You don’t need to push that person away, you can only ignore that . It is not your obligation to return this if you don’t like this. Fake kindness is usually temporary act, because next day this person will not greet you on the street if you don’t respond to her purposes.

At the end, people are creatures from flesh and blood, they are not sinless angels. I prefer person with mistakes and flaws, than someone who will try to clean my shoes. Real kindness is when someone gives you a hand with understanding. This is constancy. I loved you yesterday and i will love you today and tomorrow.

Do you follow some patterns when you choose partner?

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Saturday in the night club, usually noisy crowd and one table in the corner.
Barbara, Jack and Sue are talking about relations.
All are single and their love stories had unhappy ends.
Barbara: Why i always meet wrong guy?
Jack: Why all women left me?
Sue: I am under spell, i know it, i did not give coin to beggar last week, and he cursed me.
They have mutual problem, how to meet right partner for relation.
Barbara : I like macho guys but they are always hurting me.
Jack: I like blondes but they want only my money.
Sue: I like romantic guys but i always meet those who have protective mother and there is no place for me.

They are asking partners with one key, one pattern. 

 

Their partners are always the same, because they will fall in love in various persons with the same qualities. Accord their choice, they will make always the same mistakes in attempt to keep that kind of person in relation. Their love story always have the same end, with some updates.
Barbara: It is not problem in them, i am masochist.
Jack: I like when i can buy things for my ladies.
Sue: I love to take care for my guys.
Your wish is my command, said Alladin’s ghost and make it true. If you pick partners who remind you on each other, you have the same pattern. 
Barbara : It is time that i start dating with romantic guys.
Jack: I need to find woman who has own salary.

Sue: I will find guy who will take care for me. Enough to be boss and mother in this relation.

After this troubles, they had only one thought, how to avoid same examples in the future.

 

If you change the view, new chances and new circles are opening. If you stuck in the same crowd, you will hardly get out from something what is indeed not for you. You might think that you can change someone, or that you need to change yourself to be perfect match. No, you are looking in wrong direction. Think about why some people are together , and what’s connect them. They did not train to be bonded. It simply happened.

So, what you really need to change is your love pattern.

Stop run for wrong guys, because remember that something is similar to all them. Did not they all make damage to you in past? How about that you try something new? This is the same when you vote for same politicians every years and they disappoint you.

Try new pattern, choose sweet guy from neighborhood for a change, instead of rough macho type . It is not easy, but at least give yourself a chance to swim in new sea.

How our problems spread claws?

 

Every misery ask for company. Trouble never comes alone. In the time of recession many people are unemployed or with small salaries. That problems spread deeper into society. As octopus, their shanks are on many places.

Poor man will became beggar or criminal. Beggars will be social problems, and criminals will fill courts and jails. Streets will be battlefield for social mess and someone can get hurt during demonstrations. Unemployed people have no money to shop. Shopping malls will be closed or empty and country will have debts. That debts will be on international level and country will fall into debt slavery.

Domino effect has terrible consequences. Problems are part of big chain, everything is crushing down. If you want to solve this situation, go on election and choose another government. Ask yourself if your voice can help.

The same thing is in private area. So many times we can hear “all troubles stick on my back.” I have spell because everything is going wrong.

When you get divorce this is not an end. It opens door to another problems. Financial side, lost trust to other possible partners and if you have children they lose mother or father. So in this way we observe problems as an album with black and grey photos. Small problem can grow into big problem. You get drown deeper and deeper.

This happens when you don’t discover causer from the start. What made your situation so bad? Let’s go back at the beginning. Now, when everything is crushing down, you can see that it didn’t come over night. Or maybe you did not want to see, you intentionally closed your eyes?

Sabina complained that her husband left her. She was in marriage 10 years. Then she dig into her memory, how she forgive to him all affairs and how he treated her. He did not show her love as she expected. She wanted to keep him so her eyes are closed. That was pink delusional view, not real picture of this situation. So why she was surprised when he declared end of their marriage?

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How to handle with our problems on rational way?

When we dig hole for our problems, we forget about solution. 
Well, no big deal, i will not pay my bills immediately, but for sure i will pay. Now my bills are bigger, i did not pay last three months, how so?

It is better to prevent, than to heal.

It can be too late, damage is already done. Then we can accuse others why that happened. It is better to kill the wasp than to deal with cluster. Let’s cope with that problems until they are small, because later you will be too weak to solve this alone.

Once when problem is here, don’t make it bigger.

Don’t fall in despair and don’t make disaster by making desperate moves.

 

Ask solution with sober mind.

Don’t try to solve anything while you are crying, drinking, or you are in the phase of rage.

Remember past solutions.

Sometimes, old problems which are solved could be great inspirational source for solving new.

Where is difference between good boss and dictator?

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Obligations and rights are connected. If you are obligated to do something, you have right to ask other things for return. Especially at work, workers have rights and obligations.

In generally, we are humans. If you work at office, you are educated and you deserve appropriate treatment.

Your supervisor, headmaster, boss is not a king neither dictator.

Some bosses have this kind of requests.

 

Knock at my door before you enter.

 

Check what i wrote to you, because i have no time to read what i wrote, read between lines.

 

All important places on documents should be marked with post it papers, in different colors. I have no time to read complete document.

 

Bring me coffee in the morning.

 

Can you take my bag when you are going on business meeting with me?

 

Help me with computer, i am new in this technology age, and some things i don’t know. But i am boss so why should i know?

 

I am always right, because this is hierarchy.

So let suppose that we please all this wishes. Now we need something for return.

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What we will get?

 

If you complain on your boss, go to higher boss. Higher boss will talk with your supervisor, and circle is closing. Of course, try to work harder and you will not have reason to complain.

 

If you are working on the same document or project six months, and your boss doesn’t want to accept your idea, that work will never be finished.

You must copy paste what your boss said.

 

You have problematic client? Try to be calm and reply to him or her, million times if that is necessary.

Even your client is ready for mental hospital, you must have abilities of shrink to guess his wishes.

Some bosses forgot that we live in the age of democracy.

We are not slaves. We know that nobody can’t cut our heads. Also we have brain and ideas. Just because someone is on high position, it doesn’t mean that person is the smartest and genius. It has different meaning. Boss can be person who built career on fake kindness. Right words on right time and right place and here we are. I know person who was always late at work, he had alcoholic problems. But when structure of firm changed, he was the first one who run from office to office to ask for his rights. He was orphan and victim. New people on the top trusted him so he got position as boss of the department.

If we are making mistakes we can’t judge others for the same just because our position is better.

If responsibility exist, it must be justified no matter who did wrong. We can’t punish people accord positions, so person on high level will get smaller punishment. There should not be saint cows.

Every obligation has background. Besides, how we will motivate our workers, if their salaries are small, if we don’t give them enough free days and if they must work sick or under pressure?

Underestimated person is as donkey. You can beat him, but he will still stand on one place. There authority fails, because if you don’t respect your colleague, he will not respect you either and system will fail.