Where is conflict zone in common life?

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Even most compatible couples will have conflicts. Small fights and discussions are part of life, especially when you share your space with someone. Who can handle years of life in common without arguments? Every conflict is indeed test for couples.

Small conflicts are constructive. You will say what is bothering you, he will say his opinion and you can met on half way. Also it can make your relation spicy and more exciting. You are fighting, soon you will kiss and make love with him. Sounds like in romantic movie.

What are most often subjects of conflicts between couples?

His or her parents. You can’t stand his annoying mother, she brings lunch every time she visit you, like you don’t have idea about cooking. Last time, when she went, you throw her meal into garbage. He can’t stand your bossy father, this man knows the best about everything, from football until how to paint wall.

Sex. You have headache, he is horny. He is busy, and you want to make love. How to find common language between sheets?

House work. Who will wash dishes, and who will make lunch? Why your man is so untidy, that you jump over his socks and shirts which are on the floor? Why your woman use bathroom as space for her makeover? When she will cook something tasty?

Friends. You don’t like her best friend. That woman is barking as dog. She come to drink cup of coffee and you must watch and listen her gossips whole afternoon. You don’t like his pals too. His friends are drinking buddies, they will drag your husband in striptease club and he will back drunk.

Television. Oh, why he must watch this Hustler every time? Why she is hanging on 24 Kitchen? And that stupid programs about baseball and handball? Who is watching this anyway? He can’t stand Oprah.

Kids. If you have children, you will argue about their behavior and education. Who knows the best? You think you must be gentle and soft with children. He thinks that paddle comes out from paradise. Why not to yell on your daughter? She needs to learn about respect.

Money. If you both earn money, you will pay your bills together. If you don’t have job, you are into problems. Every partner will complain after some time. What, i will work for you and your expenses? No way. I paid this phone bill, to whom are you talking so much? Did you call hot line? I know you called your auntie in Australia. I will not work for your barking on the phone.

Love relation is big complex, and lot of things must work out to be successful. This is like an orchestra. All instruments must sound good. If not, you will have incredible noise, and you will get out. You live with your love, and you can’t work by your own. No, you are not alone when you take decisions. Ask your partner for opinion and make a deal. That will be beautiful melody, you created this together.

When you are not his first choice

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Cupid arrows are cruel tools. They will hit us straight into the heart and we will expect to get love back. What happens when sparks come just from one side?

World is full of wrong choices and discarded people. It happens even to the best. It is wrong thinking that you will be rejected because you are ugly, poor, not educated and not so smart. You can be the shiniest star, but still you can suffer because of wrong choice.

Usually, when women reject their fans, they do it gentle. We have fragile heart and we will feel sorry for a guy, but we will say decently “you are not what i need.” Only if guy is really violent and pushy, we will reject him on harsh way, because sometimes kindness is not enough to stop some people.

Men are different. Some men are indeed gentlemen and they will deny women with smile and words “sorry you are wonderful, but i am not interested.”. But, in men nature is that they don’t like too long explanations. Men will act short, with few words. “No, this girl is not for me, i am not into her.”

Problem exist when man is indeed unpleasant and vulgar. Such men don’t respect even own mother. Primitive men will reject women with vulgar words, but that will talk a lot about them, not about rejected women. This is example when guy will spit on love letter he got from some girl, when he will laugh on her poem which was made for him, and also when he will show her photos to his friends  and make bad jokes about them.

You fall in love in wrong guy? Be careful, men world is cruel. Especially now days. Some men will use women only for sex, because they want to fill their desires, but nothing more than that. After that you can expect everything. Video on internet, naked photos, rumors about your skills in bed. Men can even use your female friends against you.

Women will ask, but why he doesn’t want me, and why he is so harsh with me? 

Sean and Thalia were couple for a two years. Thalia was pretty, smart, sexy, educated and she was popular in her friend’s circle. She was hot tempered, but it was part of her charm. Sean was old fashioned guy, with double moral standards. He let himself to use women around and to treat them as things, but he judged Thalia because she was not virgin when she met him. She was star in every company, hilarious and world woman, she traveled around and enjoyed in new experiences. He was guy who like to spend night in front of television, in circle of his relatives and he built wall against anything new in his life. With time, he got jealous on her, not just because he was insecure that she could cheat him, it was because she got attention anywhere where she appeared, her mind was open and strong. He was as little peasant lost in big city. Some Thalia’s friends even laughed to him and they were so surprised how they ended up together.

When he broke relation, Thalia cried all day. She did everything to make him happy. She spent every moment with him. When his little niece was sick she got free day from work just to be with him as support. She defended him in front of people who did not like him. All was in vain.

As Thalia’s friend said : ” Dear, why you offered him Mercedes, when he like his Mini Morris? He is as Mr Bean, maybe little more handsome.”

So, if you think that successful and pretty women are not unhappy in love, you are wrong. Love will not spare you troubles even if you are Pamela Anderson, Cameron Diaz or Jennifer Anniston. They were also rejected because they were not first choices or for some other’s reasons.

You can offer stars and jewels to your man, but if he will not open you door when you are going out from his car, he is not worthy of efforts.

Some other men would show you the world, just to pay attention to them.

Are you just his number?

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Some women are always satisfied with remains of man’s attention. Their legendary statements are: „let he comes home“, „now is all  right between us“ or „other girls are for sex and i will stay with him“ . That is confirmation that woman is pleased with part of love and attention, as someone who waits on the line. It is easier to fool yourself, lie to yourself or having a relationship which exists only in your mind.

We women are emotional species and it is hard for us to fake love with someone who is not our soul match. If you are not gold digger who cares only for money, you will not be with someone you don’t care about.  You can date with him night or two, but later is phase of pretending, acting and feeling of sickness, nuisance and conscience’s guilt because you use someone who doesn’t owe your heart.

Relations with men who are not in your heart or if they are just dear to you are indeed waste of time. You will sit with someone at coffee table and your eyes will be around, for better opportunity. He will introduce you to his handsome friend and you will regret why he sits next to you when he has so attractive buddies.  He will buy you gift, and you would like to throw this into garbage box. Really, relation with someone who can’t swap you on feet or make you to lose your breath is as raping of yourself.  It is dry love, without heart beats.

Men are on different side , they are another story. Indeed some men are sophisticated and they will not go in bed with every woman, or some will reject even beautiful woman because they are in love in someone else, but also many men will accept flirt offer even they don’t like particular woman. Many men will accept offer for one night to please their ego or that society not consider them as cuckolds. As man’s circle would say : „Why you don’t shag her, you don’t have to marry her. „

Here is time to soap opera because not every woman will recognize that she is on the way station. Some women will gain fake hope that they seduced beloved man. Other women will think , yes he slept with me and it means something. They will say, he would not accept to have sex if he did not care. If hot meeting repeats, their beliefs will be even deeper. Such women collect crumbs whole life and if they spent night with attractive man, they will say „at least he was hot guy“ or „it was night to remember. „

How to realize that you were on way station with your man? How to avoid repeating this mistake?

You were author of this meeting. You called him, sent him messages, and he replies after few attempts , after  you bored to him or he is just silent without many question .

You made plans about meeting and all details, maybe you paid expenses too.

He is quiet and he doesn’t call you after you met. You call him but he is busy.

You attacked him but he is silent again and try to get out from situation with short sentences as „forgive me, it would not work out, i am not guy for long relations. „

Woman in love is blind trophy. She is as one eyed cat and she sees only one side of story. His kiss, his gentle hug, few excuses and soft words. Even if it happens only once, she asks for explanations and blame herself because she did not make enough efforts or she could not keep a guy.

When Ellen was so persistent to stalk Andrew in night club and she came there every weekend just to kiss with him in dark corner, her friend Alison was so worried. She has rolling eyes while Ellen talked about hot Andrew who is so good kisser and she warned her that is not good way to be with guy. This was love by force, while Andrew was waiting Helen’s first step , but he never asked her to date. After three weeks Alison decided to talk with Andrew because she was tired of stories of broken heart.  Andrew accepted her call and gave his explanation : „Well, i am not with Ellen. She is with me, but i am not her boyfriend, she just came to me so i don’t want to hurt her. „

Men who use women as way stations are not enough cruel to say them straight into face real truth. They are charming players, they go on sideways, they wait until women realize the point or until it become boring.  They pull women to leave them because they ignore them, provoke them, underestimated them or they just use silence as answer.  Well, this situation has deadline and that is why is easy to define it. You can’t call someone ten times without feedback. You can’t repeat always the same to the guy without his attention or will to even listen to you and fix his mistakes. He simply doesn’t care.

Way stations are not final destinations. These are wrong turn, places before main path , so that is why that places are defined by deadline. If you are woman who was in his life 5 minutes and he doesn’t extend your deadline, say goodbye to him. Go on main destination with smile on your face and warn your female friends that way stations are not comfortable zones.

Status “not single” – “not taken”

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Did you ever find yourself in the middle of nowhere , even you date with someone? Hank is one of guys who stuck in long relation. He feels unhappy because this relation doesn’t fill his needs, but he has no strength to get out from this. When his best friend Linda asked him why he can’t be alone, he replied : “I need someone to hold on.” Fear from loss and loneliness are basic elements of ruined relations, because people will stay in them even they look like abandoned houses. These are type of relations which doesn’t exist indeed, they are only walls for protection.
If we talk about love statuses, we can find interesting informations about people who are neither single, neither taken. This is kind of vacuum between love and hate, where two partners hold on each other, even they are aware that things will not work out.
Here are some stories which i heard randomly, and it can be related to “not single – not taken” statuses.
I have neighbor, he is handsome and busy, and i like him. He comes to me at dinner , i care about him when he is drunk and sometimes we have sex. But we are not in relation.”
 
“Me and my ex wife live in the same house. Officially, we are divorced, but we can’t deal about property. So until court solve this issue, we live together, even i did not touch her for a year.”
 
” I am in virtual marriage. Yes, you can laugh to me. Indeed i have wife and children, they are grow up, but they all don’t care about me. So i find young girl at social network, we are together every day at skype and whatsapp and i feel happy with her. So we decided to get marry on internet.”
 
” I live with my mother but i spend every day in house of my girlfriend. We will not get marry , my mother is cooking and washing my laundry, and my girlfriend is here to make me smile. I don’t want to be alone.”
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What real relation needs?
Obligation. Some people are irresponsible, so they don’t want commitment.
Fidelity. You need to focus on one person. If that person can’t fill your whole heart, you will hard decide about relation.
Division. Relation is deal. What is yours, that is mine and opposite. If you can’t share anything with other person, you don’t want to be in relation.
Stability. You can’t change opinion every day, about your future. You must be sure about your feelings.
When you are in the middle of romance, you are someone who is half hungry. You will taste cake, but you will not eat all. You don’t want to stay hungry, but you are not ready for big bite.
Vacuum romances are stories on half way. What is the purpose? You will realise what you need and what you don’t need. This person is maybe your experimental rabbit, someone who will take you into the main road, but the rest you will do alone.
You can ask yourself questions to test your real feelings. Can i live without her? If he leave, can i handle this or he will terribly miss me?
Method of elimination will give the best answers. Maybe you don’t know what you want, but if you eliminate unnecessary things you will get answer what is really important to you.

Exclusivity – key for serious relation

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When you will know that relation is getting serious? That moment is here when your partner want to make commitment. This kind of obligation doesn’t have to be engagement or marriage, it is simply exclusivity. He said he wants to date only with you, he is interested only for you and other women have no chance to get close with him.

Problem with immature guys is in their wrong perception. When your partner is immature, he thinks that is enough to say sweet words and make excuses or promises , so things will work out. That will pass with insecure women, but when woman is made of strong principles, such vision will fail.

Let’s assume that you are dating with playboy. He is in contact with many women. They write messages to him on his social page. They are calling him. When you are in club , restaurant or anywhere else with him, you will always meet his “friends. ” Title “friends” is secret code for lovers, former girlfriends or undefined adventures. Now, you ask him to clean his mess, but what if he says no?

Normally, you would say, leave him. Situation is not always simple, so if you come to phase when you fall in love in him and you are sad without him, he will use this to manipulate with you.

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Where is an exit?

You can be friend with him. Say him, you are friend zoned, until you make decision.

You can give up, because there are lot of fishes in the sea.

Also, you might give him some time. Expiration date next month, next week, for his decision.

You can also have joker in pocket. Tell him, you are dating with someone else and you wait his hint. Make yourself as busy target, you are not taken, but also you will not be free because as every good product, you have your buyers. He is not the only one who wants you.

Now, you did your part, you are waiting him to call you. Don’t call him first, don’t make him rush, because this is as in stock market, your value is decreasing if you force situation.  If this pending time takes too long, if he is silent, you got your answer. Sometimes, silence is for men  the best conversation with woman.

Some guys said these things:

“I did not call her because i did not want to hear her crying or screaming. I was not interested. “

“My ex called me that she wants reunion, so i did not call that girl, i wanted to avoid trouble. “

“I felt i was not ready to commit to one woman. My friends called me on party, it was not time for romance. “

Even some women will say “let him, he will come back at the end”, that is not true. You can’t let guy who is in relation with you to do what he wants with other women. This is humiliation, and if you let him to flirt, next time he will ask you for advice what to do with certain woman. Friend zone can be painful if you love him.

Exclusivity means that :

He respects your opinion. He ask you advices, because you are important to him.

He will not make interactions with other women on a way to hurt you.

He will be loyal to you.

He will not let his friends to try with you. You are his target, he will not share you with other men.

Many women will swallow pride just to have man for adventure, for few nights, when they see, there is no chance to keep him. That is just bullshit solution. Scarves in your soul is not easy to heal. If you ask relation and he ask only flirt, make things clear. You will stay hungry as someone who ordered meal and got only soup on the table.

Why relations with hooligans are so exciting?

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Young girl will easy fall in love in hooligan. Guy who drives fast, spit on the floor and swears, what a dude! He said to his mother to go to hell, his teacher got nickname bitch, and his old neighbor is just an old corpse who breaths this air for a granted. For sure anyone of us women knew such kind of guy in youth, because something in his behavior was sexy, ruthless and cool. 

I knew a guy who lost teeth at football match and spent his night in jail. Even he was without teeth, many girls were flirting with him, because his chaos made him attractive. An opposite, nerd with glasses, guy who had excellent marks and who was living book of knowledge stayed virgin until college. With years, situation changed and suddenly hooligan was not welcome. Football supporter was not good candidate for marriage, and girls who were with him did not invited him at parties anymore, because now they were in ambitious race for success. 

Manners are basic of compulsory education. If you are well mannered, it shows that you came from good family, that you respect others, and the most important, that you represent yourself as serious person for friendship, business cooperation and love relation.

Let’s imagine scene where you represent your present boyfriend, who is hooligan, to your parents, friends and relatives. If he says : “so your mom is sexy” or ” so you are this fat best buddy” you will be in uncomfortable situation to justify his actions. His mistakes will be your mistakes and if some doors will be closed to you, he is responsible.

What are indeed good manners? This are not only certain level of education, kindness and sweet words. 

Some basic signs of good manners are not well understood, and people will mix some characteristic as right ones, but this perception is wrong.

If you are too kind, you are boring. Yes it is nice to see guy who will ask for health all your relatives, but if he repeat himself every time, he is a pest.

If you are all the time on the back of some person, you are smarmy. Your boss will not like if you give her compliments about her hairstyle all the time.

Don’t push nose in other privacy, even if you talk in the best way. If you say “is your sweet sister still shaken from breakup?” you will reveal something confident, and that is not nice.

Hooligan is not only person who spit and swears and who participate in street fights. Hooligan is person who doesn’t respect your time and your schedule. 

The wolf can wear sheep clothes, so you will not recognize him always at first sight. Sometimes he could be impostor, man with experience who just want to enter into your good family, for own purpose. You will see his real face later, between four walls. He can make huge compliments in publicity, but he can slap you in your private space.

When you fall in love in hooligan, you can’t bring him into your level. You can pretend that you are on his level, to explain to him basic values. Be close with him in a way as you are playing computer games. Sometimes, guy is innocent, and he doesn’t know that his actions can hurt you. You can’t change him, but maybe you can find common language with him so he will wish to do something for you. 

Do you feel you will never love again?

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Dwell in past relation is not just sabotage of your future. Bad flash back could ruin your new feelings, and you might feel sterilized. This time i will not talk how to get over your ex. I will talk what happens after dramatic relation which eaten up your feelings. Side effects might be dangerous for your feelings, self confidence and self respect.
First i wish to mention red flags which helps to recognize your relation as destroying.
 
You fight with your partner and he doesn’t spare your feelings. 
 
In this kind of conflict all is allowed. He will insult you until you faint.
 
He cheats you in front of your eyes and he doesn’t care what you will say.
 
He is embarrassing you in front of your friends and family.
 
He doesn’t know when is your birthday, he doesn’t celebrate holidays with you and anniversary is not something what he wish to remember.
 
He doesn’t care if his friends are interested for you or if they flirt with you.
Whoever was in that kind of relation will know about what i am talking about.
Maybe is understanding better if you see what happened to Gilda.
After breakup with Chase, Gilda was devastated. She could not touch or kiss guy one year, not because she had no chance. She felt frozen as iceberg, because she was dwelling in her past. Gilda was kind of passionate woman and she surrendered herself to this man, in complete. After he gone, she did not have anything to offer to other man. Friends gave her hint to other handsome and good guys, but Gilda did not feel. Her smile was lost and she was as Snow queen in fairy tale written by Hans Christian Andersen. Piece of ice stabbed her heart and she could not fall for anyone. What is funny part, Gilda did not want to get back in her previous relation. She met Chase with his new woman. All what she felt was nuisance. His new woman was older and ugly. Chase adored her, and Gilda could not manage why. Every time when Gilda thought about him, she did not feel love. She felt that Chase is disgusting guy, because he could insult Gilda and treat her as garbage, but he was melting in arms of that new, ugly woman. Her appearance killed all her feeling, but as when cancer is removed, some healthy parts gone too. Gilda could not fall in love in new guy.
Can we force new love, just because old relation is ruined? Can we open our heart because we need that desperately to forget old love? We can’t force but we might understand.
Now , you are aware of facts:
Old love is vanished. He or she will not come back.
 
You don’t feel regret. So, you doesn’t want to come back either.
 
You are empty because your heart is destroyed.
Devastated land is not dead area.
That is in fact, clean area. How is nice when you don’t drag past reminders with you. It means you are single not just by default, you are single in your heart. When new partner looks at you, he will not see reflection of someone other in your eyes. That is the most important, and emotional sterilization is just temporary.

Makeup sex

15095077_1358561900823096_3544870188036048831_nThey were arguing whole day, and they could not make agreement. She was stubborn, and he was macho type, who believed that man should be boss. Suddenly he kissed her, she fall in his arms  and they made love whole night. In the morning they start to argue again, about the same things.
So called makeup sex is one of ways how to solve problems with your partner. When two different characters fall in love, their relation will often look as battlefield. Especially if that differences are expressed in important areas of life, couple will make many efforts to create harmony. Here is the question, what will win in the end, their love or ego?
Sean and Paula met each other in the shopping mall. They were in crowd and Sean had problem with credit card, so he caused big line at the pay desk. Everyone was furious, and Paula send him to hell. He invited her in coffee bar as sign of an apology and their relation started at this way. Soon they realized that they are as dog and cat. Paula was liberal woman, and Sean was traditional and conservative. He complaint even about her clothes, that she should change her style, because her skirts were too short and accord him, she was seducing men on such way. Also he never wanted to admit his mistakes, and many times Paula apologized to him, even he was wrong one.
Paula had weak spot, she adored sex with Sean. When they made love, all differences were vanished, their bodies made understanding so clear. It was not important who is right, and who is wrong. Paul erased all conflicts with his kisses and Paula was blind on his failures. One day, Paula found track of lipstick on his shirt and it woke up her doubts. When he was showering, she checked his cell phone. There were bunch of romantic messages. She was quiet, but next time when Paul started to complain about something, she was cold toward him. She even rejected sex. Then she got the point how makeup sex was temporary solution, because problems were still here. She caught moment to sit and talk with Paul, and he accepted. They made progress by talking and in the moment their relation is on transit zone, because Paul realized that he did something bad.
You can see in romantic movies how man will rip clothes and push his beloved woman on the bed, as in “9 and half week” or “Basic instinct”. Later, that passion will not solve problems, they will still be in stand by position.
Women are especially sensitive after sex, so they will made some questions.
How could he insult me after sex?
 
How could he call her after sex with me?
 
Sheets are still warm from our passionable night, and he went without explanation.
 
How it doesn’t work out? I thought, after that night, everything will be allright.
 
Men will think different, because sex is field of their power. If you can’t win woman with words, take her into bed and show her who is the boss. They will separate love from sex and if they don’t love women who are their sex mates, it will be tough.
Makeup sex is not good way to solve problems with your boyfriend or husband. That is good intro, but never solution.
If you don’t have mind connection and understanding with your darling, even kama sutra will not help you .

7 type of relation’s killers

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Some couples looks so perfect at first sight that you could never believe in their breakup. What could separate them, they fit so perfect? As time is passing by, and if you scratch under surface, you will see how tiny things can ruin good relation and you were not pay attention on this.

What kind of things can separate one couple?

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Ignorance.  That is cold killer. Silence is lethal.  Things whats left unsaid hurt the most.

Secrets behind back. Something what is important, you never said to your partner, and you should say it on time.

Return in past. Go forget past mistakes and leave it behind you. If you warn your partner all the time because of something what happens many years ago, you are torching him.

Avoiding serious conversation. If you don’t want to hear what your partner wish to say, you disrespect him.

Constantly nagging, make your partner’s faults bigger than it is. 

Never say compliments.  We all need praising, our ego needs cuddling, especially from person we love.

Never show gratitude for things what partner did to you.

Relations are like sea. On first sight, it looks beautiful blue, crystal clear and nice for enjoy. If you look into depth you will see dangerous sharks, jellyfish ready to burn you and unpleasant sea plants. That are problems in your relations, which you did not pay attention at first sight. You look as excellent couple. Both sweet, both nice and with good manners, both educated, without stain on your reputation. How many of us are like that? Then, one day , someone got hurt. She cheated. He beaten her. Nothing is the same anymore. How this happen, from where troubles arrived? It was in front of our nose, the fact how one partner started to feel alone in this relation. Now, you look at partner as on your rival, not as on your second half. How to get revenge? Will you roast him?

We forgot about love, that we started because we felt love. When love died and when hate took its place? If we wish to heal, we need to get back on moments which makes us happy.

You and your partner were dancing, listening music, making jokes together, even mock another people together. Now you are only silent, each one in their corner, waiting for a miracle to recover your relation. That miracle is hidden in you, inside.

You are not his toy

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Men should respect women even they can’t fall in love in every of them. No matter is that woman fat, old, skinny, ugly or pretty, she deserves respect because she is human. In other hand, woman should give something to man, as reason to respect her. She doesn’t have to be noble lady or rich business woman, but from her words and act man should assume that she is worthy of respect.
If man spend night with unknown woman, he will rate her as easy. They never met before, they had no opportunity to talk, and she surrender herself to him. Unless they did not agree about rules of the game, woman would probably be hurt. Everyone of us can experience this kind of situation. You never know when will hot guy reach stars for you and you could be fooled by his fake charm. There is no age limit for this, if he touched your weak spot, trap is ready.
What can woman do when  man ignore her after sex ?
Sit and wait for phone call.
Cry and accept that she was just a number.
Start to argue with him, to yell and prove her value.
Ignore him in publicity.
Find another man.
Try to talk calm and ask for explanation.
Make sweet revenge.
Men could play cruel games and you would not be surprised if he calls your best friend instead of you. He can laugh to you in front of his friends if he is immature. He can avoid you and block your number or internet page. Also, he can be harsh, to ask you to go out of his life.
Aida was in very unpleasent situation with her lover Jim. They spent night together and the other night she saw him in the club. He was talking and drinking alcohol with another woman. She approached to them and said to woman that he is bad lover. So she caused mess, but it was sweet taste of revenge.
Men are not always fair in their judgements. They can rate you as slut and they will rate other women as decent. It comes from their education, character or simply they are under influence of society where they raised. What you can do, is sweet rebellion. Give him something to remember you. He will not love you, but he will watch out next time before he use someone.
When Keira spent night with Austin, he did not call her after. She was invited on the same wedding party as he. She appeared in red dress, with new guy , Paul. They came together on that celebration, as love birds. She was glowing and Austin was mad. He did not get her serious, and his ego got hard kick. She did not even greet him.
If you let your feelings to rule with you, you will lose game.
Forget that he is cute, sexy guy. Remember how he treated you. Now is your turn, let he taste his own medicine. Men like that situation where woman is crying for them, because he abandoned her. Well, we are not all little girls. Some of us will stand up and show teeth to such idiot. He was maybe amazing in bed, but you can screw his brain.