How to control hot temper?

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Hot temper is a bomb. Every harsh word and provocation will make fire and person can explode . System will simply collapse and all what is left are remains. You can be smart, beautiful, genius, but if you can’t control your reactions in important moments, your life will be hell.

Arthur is famous as very hasty man. His rage is worse than flame, he destroys everything on his way. One day he returned earlier from business trip. His wife had unknown male guest and before she had chance to say anything, he got mad and smacked him into face . He was shocked, until his mouth were bleeding, he explained that he is new colleague from work and that they work at common project. Damage was here, and Arthur regret his action, but this man never visited them again.

It is easy to get angry. If you let your emotions to lead you, you are in trouble.

The way of anger and rage is full of thorns. You can hit someone who is stronger than you, he can sue you or his friends can make pancake from you. Life is not cartoon and when you get up things cannot be fixed. If you feel large amount of rage, if you act like fury, find alternative way to chill out. If you need to break glasses, do it in your house, when nobody is watching this, or hit into punching bag. Your anger is boiled water, and bubbles are around you, ready to make a flood.

Stella had love relation with Roman. During this relation she found out that he has another relation with Ashley. He was very wise guy who was sitting on two chairs. Girls were fighting, but nobody wanted to stay away. One day Stella decided to let go this impossible situation. She was tired of threats, paranoid phone calls and conflicts with Ashley. Simply she stopped to answer on Roman’s messages, he was asking for her but she was not there. In the same time, Ashley was his shadow, she was following him everywhere and he felt rope around his neck. After two months Roman left Ashley, and Stella did not move even little finger. She won in this battle, but she make things harder for Roman. He was very persistent in his attempts to win her heart again. She accepted him after he propose her.

If you are silent, calm , if you use ignorance, you will not lose. 

An opposite, your view will be more clear, finally you give chance to your brain to think about. Instincts are hasty, if you do actions accord your feeling in one moment, you will lose. Yes how much i want to strangle this girl who try to flirt with my boyfriend, but i will not give her a credit. She doesn’t exist, and if she wish to prove an opposite, my mind will bring calm decision.

The best revenge is cold meal. 

Put your opponent on pending time. Until someone is waiting your next move, you will get advantage. The best methods are similar as in chess game. Wait until you move your king, start with pawn. Protect your queen, don’t go naked into battlefield. Save your best ways for the end. In the moment when your opponent think that game is over, you will stand up from the floor and fight back. This will be your victory, because you gave chance yourself to calm down.

Date with voyeur

 

Be spontaneous, you can hear it many times when people talk about sex. That means, don’t think what will be later, don’t afraid of negative side effects. Just to it.

It was cold winter time, one of days when ice is on the road, and trees are decorated with snow. Everyone normal would like to get warm at fireplace, but Sandy decided to go with  boyfriend at some lonely place. Even better, it was evening. So they freeze in the car, under blanket, and it was not realization of dream. Romantic story in the car, who made it? So they were listening music and suddenly her boyfriend made strange face. He was shocked. Expression of his eyes was like he saw devil. His hands were shaking and he said  that he saw face on the window. He suddenly opened window and started to yell on maniac, but outside was only shadow of man who were running through the snow. Sandy did not know should she laugh or to be serious. The rest of night  they did not make love, because top subject was potential maniac. She wondered what made him so crazy to watch other people in car. Did he saw “Zodiac”? 

Maybe he was homeless or his wife left him. Or maybe he lives with old mother as Norman Bates. Since that time, Sandy never wanted to make love in car again. She would always feel that someone is watching her.  

 

Her feelings were mixed. She was furious, but somehow she felt sorry for that creature. How can anyone do this? And really he needed help. Lucky, he did not saw what he expected, two naked bodies. He saw only blanket and two people who were talking and listen music in the car. It was too cold so that guy chose really cold winter time for stalking. 

 

It was first time that Jack wanted to watch some couple how they make love. He was not professional voyeur, because he would chose better position and bring camera. He was long time without girlfriend and he wanted to wank, but magazines and movies were so ordinary. He wanted to see something unusual, but he was so clumsy. As much that couple afraid of him, he afraid of them. They thought that he had gun or pistol, and he thought that boyfriend will beat him or at least call police. Jack was coward in soul, and he chose cold winter night because it was less possibility that anyone saw him. He was really quiet, but damn dog on the road started to bark and it pull attention. Sandy’s boyfriend watched on car window where is a dog, and he saw face of Jack. It was unexpected meeting.  

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We are not aware of danger, if we accept spontaneous way of living. 


Live or let die, as Axel Rose sing. The point is , if you are wild, be smart. If you do something what you never did, prepare yourself for something which never happened.

Lust and innocence

In ancient times women had belt of innocence when their husbands went in war. That woman should wait for her husband untouchable until he back from battlefield. Belt was from iron and she was not able even for masturbation. It was guarantee that woman will not cheat her husband and that she will stay pure for him. That belt was actual in Europe 600 years, and last was invented in Germany 1903. In 19 century, during industrial revolution, american women in factory had similar belt to protect herself from violent male workers. You can imagine how was uncomfortable to wear such thing, women were starving just to handle this belt easier, and also it was good shelter for any kind of virus and possible dangerous for health.

Feeling of lust can be very dangerous if man is rapist or violent. How to protect innocent women when they are alone in subway, in coffee bar at night or in the street? Some cultures even now days prefer belt of innocence. Many cases of raping in India developed an idea about belt of innocence, so group of students offer some kind of safe belt, as woman protection. 

Conservative and closed minds made conclusion that raped woman provoked her rapist. In Saudi Arabia, law will punish victim, not a rapist. I could maybe understand situation when woman in short skirt is alone on the street in the middle of the night, that she can be guilty if something is happen to her. In other hand, streets are full of violence in daily time, and even if you don’t look so sexy and hot you can still be in trouble.

Few years ago group of men had their exhibition show in the train. Simply, they were hiding in toilets and if some women were passing, they would put out their penis and start to masturbate. Accord Criminal law in Croatia, masturbation will be punished with money penalty about 100 Euro, but if you masturbate on public place in Indonesia, accord their laws, they will cut you head.

Sometimes, people are as animals. They might tear you without any conscience. What makes us different from animals? Do we need again safe belts, death penalty or weapon to control lust?

It is easy to blame women for own frustrations and lack of sexual life. What kind of men masturbate on the street, and even worse, want to rape women? Also, some women can judge others, to pull finger on victim instead to help her.

Some women are hot and passionate, others are closed and cold on feelings. Some women will lose virginity in 16, others will be innocent even when they are over 30. We can mark women as sluts and virgins. If we do that, we are back in the age of crusades, when women wait for their husbands with safe belts.

The main belt is in our heads, that makes difference from animals. Law and police should protect us, and when it is not possible we must find a way to avoid troubles. The worst kind of punishment after something bad happens is judgement. 

Raped woman is not woman without honor. This is woman without understanding of her environment. 

Life in gloves – did you use too much tact?

 

Person who is afraid of other reactions and opinions is not free. There is saying “he walks on eggs”, as metaphor for his behavior. Be careful what you say. What will people think about you? Don’t yell, don’t laugh loud, don’t cry in publicity. Pay attention how you act because people can judge you. 

It is normal that we are connected with environment where we live, and society made some rules. No, you can’t walk naked on the street unless you don’t want to be in prison or in mental hospital. You can’t hit people with bottles because you don’t like them. That is violent act. 

Insecure person will always take care of other opinions. Wear gloves in interactions with others because that is safe. Well, it is not right and also it is impossible to please everybody. 

For example, your parents are traditional people . They believe in God. What if you find girlfriend who is an atheist? How you can represent her to your family? If you are coward or conformist you will think first about yourself. Well, it doesn’t fit in so you will leave her or suggest that she can be your mistress. So this is easier way, you will hide your passion and everybody are happy. Wolf is not hungry, sheep is still alive, both sides made agreement.

If you have character and your principles, you will say clear that you love your girlfriend and that you think serious about life with her, no matter if your parents are against. You can be isolated and in some cases maybe your parents will not talk with you, but you decided to defend your choice. 

Even compromise in such situation looks like an ideal solution, this is not right. If you hide your girlfriend from publicity, she will be unhappy, she will be humiliated and soon her bad mood will forward on you. You can’t hide someone as rat in rat hole. That girl can feel as Ana Karenjina , as woman without honor. 

In generally, we can’t say that we don’t care for anybody and that only our opinion is important.

We care for people who are close to us and their support is valuable for us. Just, think about bad influence on your life if you choose to please everybody. You will have thousand friends and everybody will ask favor from you because you will not deny. Then also you must have chameleon abilities, to change accord other wishes. One day you will be tough guy, other day you are romantic and soft, depends what people are asking from you.

That gloves you wear became too tight, isn’t it? You are choking because you have no space for your needs. 


What you wish? What are your priorities? 

Listen what other people talk, but do accord your wishes and principles. Find this balance in situations which are important for you, because you are the one who will live with consequences of your acts. 

Criticism – double magic stick

Once upon a long time Brian played in sand with his little friend Ross. For half hour he came home, with face full of tears. Mother asked him what happened.

Brian said: “He said to me that i am jerk and that my father is an asshole.” Mother gave him smile and replied: “Oh my dear, during life you will hear many insults, but you can’t cry just like that. You know, boys don’t cry for every harsh joke.”

Rage, sadness, fury are expression of human frustrations. Life is not fairy tale, people are not angels and they are not flying around with flowers and good wishes. People wish to hurt you, tease you, mock you, because this is part of human nature. 

What is source of criticism ?

Someone wants to compete with you so he will provoke you.

Someone is envious so he will tease you to forget his problems.

Your actions hurt someone so he try to fight back.

Someone get bored so he will make jokes to kill his time.

Someone simply doesn’t like you.

Critics are not always in bad intentions, sometimes this is constructive way to show someone that something is not good. If your good friend , parents or relatives criticize you, it doesn’t mean that they hate you. They want to show you their perspective and to warn you what is wrong with your actions. If your partner is nagging you, he or she are asks for attention. Good critic will upgrade your relation or push you to make progress even if you did not wish this. Sometimes, someone needs to pinch you, just to do things better. Good coach will criticize their players because that is part of sport. Good mother will warn their kids what is wrong. It is not good if someone just melts in your presence. Sweet words are nice, but not always useful.

Critic is killer of ego. Oh why me, i believed that i am perfect. Who the hell dare to talk with me like this? After this happens, people will react differently.

Consequences of criticism are visible in this examples:

Bad worker will try harder if his boss criticize him.

Wild child will be calmer after his mother yells on him.

Your husband will clean his room finally.

It is not always so bright, so some people are stubborn as donkeys. They will make step back, because critics kills their self confidence and self respect. So, now they are more lazy than before , more passive, because at least, they are not worthy, so why they should bother?

Critic is kind of needle. It pains so after this you will sleep or move on. Also this is good test for your character. If one critic can kill you, you are chicken. If not, stand up and fight, so other side must watch out.

Big eyes of fear

Remember when you first time went to dentist. If you aware of this, your nightmare begun with all these tools there and with sound of dental drill. Your dentist in white uniform and smell of anesthetics, you are in hell. Later it became habit and routine. 

First date, first kiss, first sex, all is not easy at first time. Fear has big eyes and often we will ask why we afraid so much? The answer is, we afraid of unknown area. We were not there before and this path is insecure, full of obstacles, we are in kind of tunnel so dark can swallow us.

If we hold on the same patterns and habit, life will be boring. People don’t move forward from fear. Some will work for years on unpleasant work just because they are safe. Others will stuck in long relation, even they are not happy. 

How to face it with fear from unknown?

Read about thing you don’t know nothing. 

If you wish to travel in unknown country, inform yourself.

Ask others who experienced this situation before you

If you wish plastic surgery on breasts, ask your friend who has silicons how is it.

Don’t judge or criticize before you try. 

Sometimes, stereotypes and judgments will interfere and we will not have clear image about something new.

Think positive and remember that your present situation is not fairy tale. 

What can happen in new work? You passed mobbing at old workplace, so Bogyman is not there too.

The worst thing you can do when you step forward is to give up. Don’t give up on half way. You will feel defeated. It is like you want to jump into the sea and you stayed on the sun, even it is so hot outside. You will be nervous and disappointed. 

Fear is smart enemy , it comes inside of you. This big eyes of fear are your own cartoon. You are afraid of monsters? Your new lover is serial killer? Imagination in your head can create such stories in creepy way, and you will afraid before you even start something new. 

When Iris came to gym, she was fat. She had awful feeling that everyone is staring on her. Surprise, nobody noticed her. That women were sweating and all were focused at own exercises. So indeed it was funny, because nobody talked with her. Later she made some friendships and lost at weight. She was not even clumsy as she expected. Her fear was the biggest obstacle.

The most easier solution is to give up. Ok, let’s give up but don’t cry and don’t complain later. Remember, you are slave of your own fear. If you want to be a master, kill that fear with smile and hope. Bullets of joy are deadly weapon , and your fear will die very soon.