Are you typical tender woman ?

C_dqM8YXsAA4N81.jpg

Pink color is for girls, blue is for guys – that is first difference between genders which we noticed in childhood. This statement talks about women more than it seems like. It considers woman as fragile, gentle creature who will cry if you touch her and it gives man obligation to cherish her with attention.

If you are man with such draft, for sure your will consider woman as someone who likes flowers, romantic song and movies, someone who confirm your every word and clap hands when you express your attitude. You will expect that woman should be always kind, nice and with smile on her face. Also, you will not tolerate conflicts because it is not woman’s business to involve in man’s things. As in middle age, woman who was arguing should be exposed on square as bad example.

Some men have no idea about woman’s shades. Women are not black and white, bad and good. Woman is more than pretty hair, cute smile and gentle words. Woman is strong inside more than you think.

Trouble happens when macho man, so called alpha wolf try to deal with blunt woman.

Gerard used to deal with many women. Mostly, they fall on his charm and obeyed to him. He started to get bored, because they were all the same. He did not remember even their names. His strategy was the same : sweet words , flowers, chocolate, dinner with candles, walking by the sea in his city and hot night in hotel. After that, Gerard kept contact with them , but not because he cared, just because to call them again when it will be their turn. He picked women from the same basket. They were about 10-15 years older than he, mostly lonely, divorced or hungry for love.

Then he met Alicia. She was blunt woman, tired of bad experiences but full of life. It was something at her what captured his heart immediately, her strong will and defiance. Even when she slept with him, she did not want to obey. She did all opposite to his wishes, because she heard about his reputation. She left his city without notify him and later send him message that they don’t match together. She saw his cell phone full of naked videos and she decided, not to be part of this. Gerard felt he fall in love first time in his life, and all he could do to wait her to change her mind. Alicia asked for serious relation, and Gerard had dilemma, to say goodbye to her or to his previous life. Meanwhile, one of his mistresses, Helga, called him to arrange meeting. She said, i am in your city and i am coming for half hour. Gerard promised to himself, it will be last time and then i will call Alicia to come back to me. Gerard entered into hotel’s coffee bar to drink coffee with Helga.  Suddenly he felt that someone is watching him. Near this table, woman with black shades smiled to him. It was Alicia, who came back to give him another chance. When she saw Helga, she approached to their table and said : “Enjoy in this coffee, even i think it gets cold already. ” Gerard never saw Alicia again.

To get back on the start of this story, different women need different approach. Some women will be pleased even for crumbs of man’s attention. Other women will never accept to stand in the line and share man with other women. So, we are different. Some of us will more appreciate invitation of football match than rose petals. Some of us will accept to sleep on the floor with right man better than to spend night in expensive hotel . If you are man, and if you use wrong approach for woman you like, think about where you went wrong.

If you love woman, you should start from her nature, not from generalization, that girls are pink, and boys are blue. Some of us are black, violet and red, and you should have guts to stand near our fire.

Why quiet couples often break up?

C-5E5I3XgAAPgCF

Life in harmony is perfect. No conflicts, no broken nerves, all is perfect, we can almost hear sound of violin in background. Just, unfortunately, eternal harmony is not real, because life is not a fairy tale. Life is much harder and more complicated than movie or fairy tale.

When someone say “we are never fighting”, that person lie. It is impossible to have healthy relation without conflicts from time to time. I don’t say that you must smash plates or beat your partner, but conflicts are healthy way to express what is wrong and how to fix that, to live better.

Susan and Edward live in marriage 20 years. She said that she never had conflict with her husband. Simply, he is the boss. He knows the best. He brings decisions, and Susan smile and confirm whatever her husband decided. But, many times she is crying in her room when she is alone. She learnt to wipe her tears, to put makeup and to wait her husband with smile. Because, why he should know that she is unhappy? He brings money, he take care for their children, and why to bother him with such irrelevant problems as her depression? He is often absent and on business trips, and she is alone at home, but the main thing is, he always come back. Sometimes angry, sometimes she find track of lipstick on his shirts, but he will never leave her. Why should, indeed with Susan anyone can feel as king, with all powers.

Her friend Natasha has different story. Natasha was in relation with Alan, and they had many arguments. Natasha is gifted with long tongue and Alan is softhearted, like girl. The problem was that Natasha expressed her opinion on nice way, even she loved Alan so much and she could not swallow what is bothering her. But, Alan’s ego was bigger than skyscraper and he left her. Now Alan is in relation with other woman  and that woman is indeed his slave, because he caught her in a trap of emotional blackmail. He said, he will leave if she will complain on anything.

 C_dsO7mXoAIG1m4.jpg

Quiet couples don’t live in harmony. 

They live in artificial, fake peace. They swallow lies, anger, rage, and they are slaves of their dominant partners. One mature relation can handle conflict, also mature people will upgrade their relations with conflicts. Just, such kind of people are equal, they have healthy way of thinking and strong characters. 

Indeed relations are not for kids. People must handle things as adults, with courage, and without selfishness. Indeed, relations are for two people, and every time you say or do something, ask yourself what your other part thinks about it. 

Status “not single” – “not taken”

C3-MKgJXUAABQD2.jpg
Did you ever find yourself in the middle of nowhere , even you date with someone? Hank is one of guys who stuck in long relation. He feels unhappy because this relation doesn’t fill his needs, but he has no strength to get out from this. When his best friend Linda asked him why he can’t be alone, he replied : “I need someone to hold on.” Fear from loss and loneliness are basic elements of ruined relations, because people will stay in them even they look like abandoned houses. These are type of relations which doesn’t exist indeed, they are only walls for protection.
If we talk about love statuses, we can find interesting informations about people who are neither single, neither taken. This is kind of vacuum between love and hate, where two partners hold on each other, even they are aware that things will not work out.
Here are some stories which i heard randomly, and it can be related to “not single – not taken” statuses.
I have neighbor, he is handsome and busy, and i like him. He comes to me at dinner , i care about him when he is drunk and sometimes we have sex. But we are not in relation.”
 
“Me and my ex wife live in the same house. Officially, we are divorced, but we can’t deal about property. So until court solve this issue, we live together, even i did not touch her for a year.”
 
” I am in virtual marriage. Yes, you can laugh to me. Indeed i have wife and children, they are grow up, but they all don’t care about me. So i find young girl at social network, we are together every day at skype and whatsapp and i feel happy with her. So we decided to get marry on internet.”
 
” I live with my mother but i spend every day in house of my girlfriend. We will not get marry , my mother is cooking and washing my laundry, and my girlfriend is here to make me smile. I don’t want to be alone.”
15056433_1213340022063504_8943866634090991149_n.png
 
What real relation needs?
Obligation. Some people are irresponsible, so they don’t want commitment.
Fidelity. You need to focus on one person. If that person can’t fill your whole heart, you will hard decide about relation.
Division. Relation is deal. What is yours, that is mine and opposite. If you can’t share anything with other person, you don’t want to be in relation.
Stability. You can’t change opinion every day, about your future. You must be sure about your feelings.
When you are in the middle of romance, you are someone who is half hungry. You will taste cake, but you will not eat all. You don’t want to stay hungry, but you are not ready for big bite.
Vacuum romances are stories on half way. What is the purpose? You will realise what you need and what you don’t need. This person is maybe your experimental rabbit, someone who will take you into the main road, but the rest you will do alone.
You can ask yourself questions to test your real feelings. Can i live without her? If he leave, can i handle this or he will terribly miss me?
Method of elimination will give the best answers. Maybe you don’t know what you want, but if you eliminate unnecessary things you will get answer what is really important to you.

How to survive as weirdo?

CMQ7s7uUkAAbZo1

Some people were born to act accord social rules. As they have drafts what to say or to do in particular situations. “He knows to behave” or ” She is well educated” are just some of descriptions. When you fit in, you are safe from gossips and your circle of friends is big. Or, you just think on this way? If you are clumsy and simply stand out from usual patterns, you will have problem to be part of society, but your failures will help you to be more original.
Did you feel that you are part of wrong movie? Your personal twilight zone doesn’t have to be your disaster. For example, if you stuck between female friends who knows all about baking cakes, and you wish to disappear, it doesn’t mean that you are shame for woman species. I personally felt much better when i was drinking beer and watching football match Croatia – Mexico with my husband and male friends, when we all had so much fun even result was not good for us. I did not see myself with women who trade recipes for domestic cookies.  Probably i would yawn from boredom.
When you can be sure that you are different?
When everyone has something to say in group, and you don’t have opinion or you get bored.
 
When you feel that nobody listen your suggestions.
 
When others start to whisper and gossip about you, and you feel uncomfortable.
 
When you say something what makes others to wonder.
 
One interesting fact is : woman outsider has harder way than man outsider. Different guy is sexy and cool, but rebellious, strange woman is danger. She scares men. She could be victim of bullying. Also she could be declared as target for sex, because her mind is opened. It is not rarity that guys like to have sex with freaky women. She might know different things in bed, and she doesn’t runaway from exploring.
How you will play in this wrong movie, it depends on your character. Will you back up because all are against you, or you will walk in front of this crowd?
Some tips in this case:
Smile if crowd start to mock you. Smile is sign of self confidence.
 
Reply them on cool way. Don’t make your voice tremble. 
 
Don’t try to persuade others that you are not different than them. This is your protecting brand. If you listen heavy metal, and they are listening pop, it doesn’t make you bad person. You are not satanic person with horns.
 
Say what you think even this is opposite from majority. Let they stare at you.
Weirdos are more intelligent people and they have keys to freedom. If your clothes is different, if your accent is funny, if you eat vegan foods and everyone around you eat meat, you don’t have to be ashamed because of this. One my friend came in continental part of Croatia , and she was from Dalmatia. Her accent was different but she was talking loud and with smile, even people looked at her as she is an alien. Be proud of your roots no matter from where are you from, who are your parents and who is your partner. That is the only way that you play main role in this wrong movie, and this is not role of social clown.

Do you feel you will never love again?

a3a51-11891048_1045098462169443_8841004654761031266_n

Dwell in past relation is not just sabotage of your future. Bad flash back could ruin your new feelings, and you might feel sterilized. This time i will not talk how to get over your ex. I will talk what happens after dramatic relation which eaten up your feelings. Side effects might be dangerous for your feelings, self confidence and self respect.
First i wish to mention red flags which helps to recognize your relation as destroying.
 
You fight with your partner and he doesn’t spare your feelings. 
 
In this kind of conflict all is allowed. He will insult you until you faint.
 
He cheats you in front of your eyes and he doesn’t care what you will say.
 
He is embarrassing you in front of your friends and family.
 
He doesn’t know when is your birthday, he doesn’t celebrate holidays with you and anniversary is not something what he wish to remember.
 
He doesn’t care if his friends are interested for you or if they flirt with you.
Whoever was in that kind of relation will know about what i am talking about.
Maybe is understanding better if you see what happened to Gilda.
After breakup with Chase, Gilda was devastated. She could not touch or kiss guy one year, not because she had no chance. She felt frozen as iceberg, because she was dwelling in her past. Gilda was kind of passionate woman and she surrendered herself to this man, in complete. After he gone, she did not have anything to offer to other man. Friends gave her hint to other handsome and good guys, but Gilda did not feel. Her smile was lost and she was as Snow queen in fairy tale written by Hans Christian Andersen. Piece of ice stabbed her heart and she could not fall for anyone. What is funny part, Gilda did not want to get back in her previous relation. She met Chase with his new woman. All what she felt was nuisance. His new woman was older and ugly. Chase adored her, and Gilda could not manage why. Every time when Gilda thought about him, she did not feel love. She felt that Chase is disgusting guy, because he could insult Gilda and treat her as garbage, but he was melting in arms of that new, ugly woman. Her appearance killed all her feeling, but as when cancer is removed, some healthy parts gone too. Gilda could not fall in love in new guy.
Can we force new love, just because old relation is ruined? Can we open our heart because we need that desperately to forget old love? We can’t force but we might understand.
Now , you are aware of facts:
Old love is vanished. He or she will not come back.
 
You don’t feel regret. So, you doesn’t want to come back either.
 
You are empty because your heart is destroyed.
Devastated land is not dead area.
That is in fact, clean area. How is nice when you don’t drag past reminders with you. It means you are single not just by default, you are single in your heart. When new partner looks at you, he will not see reflection of someone other in your eyes. That is the most important, and emotional sterilization is just temporary.

Toxic atmosphere at work – how to avoid this?

While i was walking at lunch pause, i got compliment. Secretary from my workplace said to me that i have awesome stockings. Few days before my other colleague said to me that my skirt is cool. Today i meet alive with colleague who is my e-mail business contact, we cooperate in some project but we never introduce each other. She says, it was my pleasure.

Small things as professional kindness and courtesy are necessary to make working atmosphere better. We are humans, not robots, and it is not the same when you work in heat , toxic atmosphere or when you can communicate at normal level.

Sometimes, workplace is a jungle. I was working with Smoker, Pervert and Numb woman. I wrote this nicknames because this reveals all about their personality. It was hard time for me.

Smoker is a woman. She would kill for cigarette and we had lot of conflict about her smoking in office. I was choking in her smoke, and i was constantly complaining to stop with this. She bought electronic cigarette but only for few days, later was all as before. The only solution was that we sit in separate rooms.

Pervert is a man. His stories about size of my bra and my “fucking ” body were so unpleasant to me. He was sometimes drunk and it makes story even worse.

Numb woman is my present office mate. We did not talk about a year. She is as snake, just watching and waiting her opportunity to do something sneaky.

C7UP37aXgAAh4uE

Now, what we can do to make working atmosphere less toxic?

Share your meal with colleague. 

Make some compliments about hair , clothes or anything else.

Ask advice about your work. This cuddles ego.

Walk on lunch break with your colleague to share some stories.

Borrow things as lipstick and perfume. If you go on business meeting sometimes you have no makeup and this small things can help you.

Borrow tampon during period. Yes, it happened to me at work, i got period and my colleague give me tampon.

Tell colleague if you don’t feel well. Someone has pill or chocolate, or he will bring you coffee.

Don’t gossip. Stories are spreading fast at workplace. If gossip is your hobby, be aware that you will be subject too.

Try to be fair when you share room with colleague. If you yell, laugh loud or talk on phone loud and your colleague has important task, you are selfish. 

Deal with colleague about air condition, heat or open or closed windows. This small things can cause big confrontations. Someone is sweating, someone is getting cold so habits and needs are different.

Don’t dig at  your colleague’s computer. Respect privacy.

If your colleague is not married, or other sexual orientation than yours, don’t be an asshole. Be tolerant.

Workplace might be jungle and tigers are ready to tear you. You can show tolerance, but also you will be sometimes forced to show teeth.

If you did all to make peace, and nothing’s work, make report to bosses and ethic departments.  Some cases are pure mobbing and it is another story.

 

 

 

Heroine stand next to heroes




History remember those who broke the rules. Also beautiful and brave women will enter into chronology and left their footprints. French national hero Jeanne d’ Arc is remembered as girl who was leader of french army and defeated English enemies and saved Orleans . Later she was wounded  and caught  as heretic girl. She was burnt on bonfire in Rouen when she was only 19. In the year of 1920 she was pronounced as saint.

In Croatia newspapers wrote about Kristina Ćurković. She is not leader of army but she was posing with gun. She became familiar when she was hitting eggs on politicians who represent Croatian democracy community (HDZ – political group) in Omiš. Also she remove the flag of European union  and changed with Croatian flag. When Croatia had referendum for family, she was strictly against gays and lesbians, and she said that family is community just for man and woman and only this kind of family can be healthy family. That girl is unemployed, young and pretty, and she declared herself as radical supporter of right center.

Reactions are various. People, included her own sister talk about her as girl ready for circus, hungry for attention. Especially because she was missing for a two days, nobody knew where she disappeared. She justified her absence with uncharged battery at cell phone.

Other people will clap their hands because she said something in public what is indeed truth, that people are not going on elections in Croatia. Only minority voted for present Government, and others are passive. 

One thing is for sure. In the time when many young people in Croatia are not interested for school, education and when streets are full of beggars, alcoholic and violent teenagers, this girl dare to say the truth. She is pretty, but she did not use her beauty to became model or singer, even this way could be easier for her. She expose herself to risk. Someone could attack her because of her open speech, she was already reported and she got public judgement.

If we compare her and Jeanne d’ Arc, differences are in attitude. It was another time. Jeanne burnt in bonfire because of her beliefs. Jeanne had no chance and possibilities to survive. Kristina was born in the age of technology. She just need to change her methods. Croatia needs new leaderships, but with calm and smart people who will have good arguments. This country is sleeping. We need someone to wake up sleepy crowd and lead them in the right direction. 

We have two political groups who are changing on the top . Social democrats, as left center, and conservative Croatian group HDZ (Croatian democratic community). The main conclusion is, they are not successful in their decision, people are unemployed, hungry, salaries are small and there is no order on the streets. You can see drunk teenager in the middle of the day with the bottle of wine how he fall on the floor and nobody will pay attention. In the other hand, policeman will approach you to ask you for documents if you are laughing loud when you return home from the party. 

What are real values and real order? This young girl pull her finger. She doesn’t know what she is exactly doing, but she asked question what we must think about. 

Dirty cash – things which money can’t buy

Sound of money is favorite music for many ears. Who would not like to be rich? Imagine what you can buy with money, but also imagine what is still unreachable, despite of your big wallet?

When Sam was angry, his mother would buy him chocolate. When he was crying, she would give him money for ice cream. As teenager, Sam got new car because he broke up with girlfriend. His parents were rich and they wanted to make him happy, with money. As adult man, Sam did big success. He is boss in one successful private company , his wife has own fashion line and they are rich couple. It looks perfect, but during one of his business trips he found mistress and he bought her flat , just to meet with her from time to time. When Isabella, his mistress wanted to cut her wrists because she was lonely, Sam bought her plane ticket for Tahiti, to travel and clear her head. He has solution for everything. 

One day Sam got new neighbor. She was separated woman, with small kid. She was attractive, and he did everything to get close with her. Even that woman had financial troubles, she rejected his help. She also rejected to have sex with him. First time in his life, Sam did not buy something with his money. 

Some people grow up as rich, and money spoil them. For them it seems impossible that in this world are things which money can’t buy. 

Money is tool in your hands and symbol of power, until you can get everything what you wish.

What will be your possible obstacles? 

Where you can’t use money and where is money worthless?

Pride.

 If person has high level of pride, he will not take money to sell himself.

Education.

If you parents taught you that you don’t receive money from strangers or suspicious sources, you will not take it.

Caution.

If you are careful and full of doubts, you will not risk your life for big money.

Shame. 

Some people will not take money cause they feel unpleasant or embarrassed.

Loyalty.

Loyal person has no price and such person will not betray friend or love for money.

Love.

Place in heart cannot be filled by money. 

If you based your relation on money, your partner can find another person who has lower price. Once, when he realize that you will do everything for money, it will be easy to manipulate with you. Empty pockets are something you can change. It is more difficult to fill empty heart, especially if you lost precious piece a long time ago.

How to survive in office?

13310556_10209235101052879_2426549294563187707_n.jpg

Once upon a time, young man had a dream. He wanted to work as famous lawyer after he finished Faculty of Law. He imagined himself as defender of O. J. Simpson, as famous Robert Kardashian. To realize his dreams, he gave up from his private life. During summer he was studying even outside was 35 degrees and his friends enjoyed in summer joys. He squeezed teeth and after 6 years he finished his education. He was poor man so he decided to work first, and then to go on expert exam.

In Croatia , accord statistic from 2012., are 230 000 civil officers. It is not easy to find job as a lawyer if you have no family tradition and office from your father or mother, so you are forced to work for others few years, or you will work in agency or for ministry to earn some money. Public services are also one of the ways to get job. If you have good connection, you can work for private firm or entrepreneur. 

So this guy from the beginning of this story started to work in office , as civil officer, as intern. Soon he realized that he must wake up from his dream, because it reminded on nightmare. Old woman was his supervisor and she underestimated him from beginning. His first task, when he started to work , was to bring her muffin every morning. She wanted to make delivery man accord her wishes, but he denied that. During one year, she was correcting his memorials in a way how she wanted. He did not mistake in rules or laws, so she corrected his sentences and grammar. She wanted to make her copy from this young man, and she was abusing him. He was new employee in office and he did not want to report her for mobbing, so he handle that as real man and after one year of work experience he was asking another job. He was waiting for a new chance and happiness smiled to him so he got job in entrepreneurship.

What can you expect from office job, especially if you are new in this area?

traps, someone will try to teach you what you already know

– if you are not kind and sweet, your path will be harder

– sexual harassment, especially if you are girl

– working on jobs under your level and education

– provocations and discrimination on every basic 

Someone will say, report your boss for mobbing. Just, this way is difficult and slow. When you will ask for next job, previous experience with mobbing and prosecution will not look good in your CV.

Even your rights are broken, next employer will look at you with suspicion and you will be factor of risk. 

If you are not favorite person in your department, use principle divide et impera. 


Separate and rule. You can find weak spot everywhere. Here is always boss and someone higher than your boss. Higher boss will have more power so you can be nice to that person. Who make final decisions at your work? Stick on basic rule : don’t shit where you eat. You know how far you can go with your complaint, that you can be member of Union and ask your rights there, at least you can cause fear when you are bluffing with report.

When you are playing cards in this cold war, be calm and self confident. Hysteria and panic are just inside enemies, don’t dig your own grave. Go with smile on your face and with short and clear arguments. Big boss is person who will decide about your destiny, so don’t take much time with tears or monologues. You know why you are here and you stand behind your attitude. This is the only way that you can win in this game.

Judgmental society- how we categorize people?

Society likes marks, because it is easier to categorize people. When we ask for our identity, society offers us a label. For example: “old maid”, “reactive woman” or “divorcee”. Mistress, whore, slut, all that beautiful names for single woman who is not married and did not gave birth.

Moral majority will offer us inappropriate label, we will get explanation and warning, also maybe notes and deadlines how to fix our situation.

 

You should have children until 30. You should marry until 25. What, you are not married yet?”

“You have no reason to live if you have no children. “

“There is good opportunity for you to become my mistress.”

“You must be lesbian because you did not marry yet.”

Superficial people will never ask why woman is not married. They are not interested for a reason, they just see facts and make own ideas. 

There are lot of stories in background about someone’s status. Some people are playing on all or nothing. They made vision of life how it should be, and if their realization don’t fit to their wishes, they chose to be single.

Wow, why should i marry for old fart Steve, just because i am not young anymore?

I wanted to marry for Peter, but Peter did not want me, so should i hang myself?

 

There is a beauty of freedom of choice. Better to jump from the window, than let others to be rolled on scales – that was famous Balzac’s quote . Old society in Paris even understood other choices, but  some people nowadays will rather use mockery.

Some women are different. Women who are not married and mothers, in long relations without paper or single, are on the list for mockery label. Some society’s circles will not accept them as dignified members, because it doesn’t fit to their standards.

 

On other hand, who says that every marriage is perfect? Labels should be given to wives who stay in marriage even their husbands cheat them, something like “married woman cheated by her husband”. 

Some women married from wrong reasons as “woman who rush in marriage because she is pregnant”, “that woman caught last train, so she is in marriage now” etc. etc. 

Let’s see how will some people feel when they recognize their spots?