7 signs that breakup is near

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Once when woman caught man of her dreams she will focus how to keep him. That is not easy task, because as much is hard to find soulmate, it is even harder to save this relation forever. Butterflies in stomach are here for 2 or 3 years, and then situation is changing. Our relation is ready for next chapter, so love will be deeper and more mature or we will lost interest. What connected us together at the start of this relation is not so important anymore. If we don’t grow together with time, simply this love will get lost. You loved this man because he was so passionate and wild in sex, but if his sexual skills are everything he could offer to you, sparks will fade and you will look into lazy guy who is unable to understand you.

There are some signs that relation will break. 


Which kind of atmosphere is intro in breakup? When we will know what is not meant to be?

Battlefield in relation. Conflicts from time to time are healthy for relation, but if you fight with your partner day by day and if your every conversation ends with ugly words, this is not sign of love. You and partner are holding a rope, and everyone drag on their side. This will be very tense and too much conflicts will lead into breakup.

Too much secrets. You live with this guy but he is mystery to you? What kind of job he works, why he never talk about his father and where he disappears from time to time? If you can’t trust to your partner, you live with stranger. Who knows, maybe he has another family somewhere. 

Too much freedom. Everyone has right on own space in relation, but person in marriage or in serious relation can’t be equal to single person. If you do what you wish without asking opinion of your second half, you are not devoted. This relation is burden to you, and your partner live is constantly fear that one day you will go to buy cigarettes and that you will not come back. Probably it will be like that.

Lack of respect. There is no love without respect. You can have great sex with person who doesn’t give you respect, but this is far from love. If your partner did not introduce you to his family or friends, if he is dating with other women behind your back, he is disrespectful.

Despair. There is no relation which will have success if you beg or force partner to stay with you. You can’t blackmail partner with children , suicide or tears. Some women will say “i will forgive infidelity because he is always coming back. ” There are some women who will even pimp another women to his man, in hope that he will never leave them if they allow such freedom in marriage. That is pathetic and worthy of condolence. 

Silence and closed mouth. Some marriages are based on secret pledge. Man is master of the house, and woman will shut up her mouth. He gives order, she is here to listen and do accord his wishes. During years, women will suffer more and more and one day she can decide to leave this community where is no freedom of speech.

Abusing. In this world is much abused women, but not every of them will complain or try to get out from this situation. This is not rare that woman will talk about how she is clumsy that she falls and hit herself at the door. Black eye and broken mouth are sign that you need to leave. You are in danger, not only your self respect, you can be in life danger too.

Love relation is house, based on safe material. If you built your love with trust, honesty, mutual respect and patience, this result will show up as crown with years. But if you deceive yourself with lies, promises and expectations without any good reason behind that, you are actor in own delusional theater. This is circus, and you are clown. At the end, when your relation is over, this is not surprise. This crowded house exploded in the air. This booby trap is activated a long time ago, just you were blind to see that.

Why relations with hooligans are so exciting?

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Young girl will easy fall in love in hooligan. Guy who drives fast, spit on the floor and swears, what a dude! He said to his mother to go to hell, his teacher got nickname bitch, and his old neighbor is just an old corpse who breaths this air for a granted. For sure anyone of us women knew such kind of guy in youth, because something in his behavior was sexy, ruthless and cool. 

I knew a guy who lost teeth at football match and spent his night in jail. Even he was without teeth, many girls were flirting with him, because his chaos made him attractive. An opposite, nerd with glasses, guy who had excellent marks and who was living book of knowledge stayed virgin until college. With years, situation changed and suddenly hooligan was not welcome. Football supporter was not good candidate for marriage, and girls who were with him did not invited him at parties anymore, because now they were in ambitious race for success. 

Manners are basic of compulsory education. If you are well mannered, it shows that you came from good family, that you respect others, and the most important, that you represent yourself as serious person for friendship, business cooperation and love relation.

Let’s imagine scene where you represent your present boyfriend, who is hooligan, to your parents, friends and relatives. If he says : “so your mom is sexy” or ” so you are this fat best buddy” you will be in uncomfortable situation to justify his actions. His mistakes will be your mistakes and if some doors will be closed to you, he is responsible.

What are indeed good manners? This are not only certain level of education, kindness and sweet words. 

Some basic signs of good manners are not well understood, and people will mix some characteristic as right ones, but this perception is wrong.

If you are too kind, you are boring. Yes it is nice to see guy who will ask for health all your relatives, but if he repeat himself every time, he is a pest.

If you are all the time on the back of some person, you are smarmy. Your boss will not like if you give her compliments about her hairstyle all the time.

Don’t push nose in other privacy, even if you talk in the best way. If you say “is your sweet sister still shaken from breakup?” you will reveal something confident, and that is not nice.

Hooligan is not only person who spit and swears and who participate in street fights. Hooligan is person who doesn’t respect your time and your schedule. 

The wolf can wear sheep clothes, so you will not recognize him always at first sight. Sometimes he could be impostor, man with experience who just want to enter into your good family, for own purpose. You will see his real face later, between four walls. He can make huge compliments in publicity, but he can slap you in your private space.

When you fall in love in hooligan, you can’t bring him into your level. You can pretend that you are on his level, to explain to him basic values. Be close with him in a way as you are playing computer games. Sometimes, guy is innocent, and he doesn’t know that his actions can hurt you. You can’t change him, but maybe you can find common language with him so he will wish to do something for you. 

Writer out of stereotypes

 

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When we talk about some professions, for sure in our heads is vision about how some persons should look like. So you will imagine cop as tall and strong man, teacher as woman with glasses, butcher as fat man etc.


That is just our superficial view and draft about person . But things are different. 



What if person doesn’t fit in stereotypes?

Nives Celzius is woman who won award for best selling book in Croatia and region, name of book “Naked truth.” That book is about scandals and affairs, erotic events in celebrity world in Balkan. So nothing strange indeed, but that book was the main subject of Croatian readers and Nives got award with name “Kiklop.” Talking about history this award was established by the name of novel of Ranko Marinković, famous Croatian writer, dedicated to him and honorable for all future writers.

So, who is Nives? Nives Celzius is Croatian singer, pin up girl , wife of Croatian footballer Dino Drpić, Croatian celebrity girl who became famous outside of Croatia because of her sex appeal, she was on cover of many international magazines. She is not writer who can fit into stereotypes. So, old fashioned closed mind in Croatia decided to take away “Kiklop” award from her hands. Scandal was even bigger when Mrs Vodopija, Director of the Book Fair in Pula Magdalena Vodopija , responsible for award decided to shut down all future rewards. Simply, Mrs. Vodopija found shameful that Nives can get award, so she wanted to destroy all future possibilities that kind of writers as Nives can get award in future.

Of course, Nives found satisfaction in District court in Pula. There, accord to verdict, final decision was, she must get “Kiklop” right into her hands. Justice won this time, but shadow of shame stayed in background.

Who should be ashamed? Not Nives, she fight fair and she won this game. She wrote a book, Croatian publicity accepted her and she deserve award. But Mrs. Vodopija who told that woman like her doesn’t deserve award because she is not traditional writer, she should be ashamed. So what if Nives had scandals, that is her personal life.

Maybe some people are disappointed with taste of Croatian readers. Yes, we read yellow stamp and scandals, not boring books about war and politics, because we want something to make us smile, that we can feel alive. It doesn’t mean that we are people without taste, we know about famous writers and many of us will like Hemingway, Proust, Dostojevski. But we choose. In this way, Croatian publicity show up that closed minds must stay in box and not to attack other people because they were enough brave to jump out from the box.

Nives is one good example.

Celebrities behind bars

Break the rule, it can be very exciting and funny, but break the law is not so hilarious. Unless you don’t want to pay big money or spend life behind prison bars, conflicts with law are not recommended. As every rule has an exception, here are examples of famous persons who avoided justice very successfully.

So, if you want to play with system, you should be famous. If you believe that all are equal in this world and that ordinary person will get equal punishment as famous star, you are very wrong.

In the year 2011 Serbian singer Svetlana Ceca Ražnjatović was accused because of illegal possession of money from transfer of football players . That footballers were playing for football club Obilić and she was president of that club. For those who doesn’t know, Ceca is widow of familiar criminal man Željko Ražnjatović Arkan. She took 2 million euro and over 300 000 dollars on illegal way, she took money for herself. What court said? She got 8 months of house arrest together with her sister, who was cooperator in her act. She also got bracelet with bipper around her leg, as insurance that she will not try to escape.

This was not the end, so 2 years later she was accused for threats and her advocate wanted to deal with court , he suggested that Ceca could pay money in humanitarian purposes, but court denied that. Can you imagine that ordinary person would avoid normal prison for stealing other money?

Paris Hilton was arrested because of possession of drugs, and she was in prison, but her treatment was much better that with other prisoners. She was only 23 days in jail.

Khloe Kardashian was driving drunk, and she got 30 days of prison. Instead this, she spent only 173 minutes behind prison bars in Lynwood jail, famous as place for celebrities. Her sister even made party for her before she went there , party was named as “Girl, you are going to prison.”

So, it is not easy to be ordinary man. If you are not celebrity, and if you drink over 2 glasses of alcohol and police stops you, and you have over 1.5 promil (in Croatia), you will stay without drive licence for one month, you will pay about 1000 euro for penalty and you must go to test at shrink for your abilities. All this, and if you even did not drive fast or make damage or hurt someone at road. Unless you know a policeman to make deal with him, but even then you will have hard time to avoid punishment. 

Nomen est omen. Name is a sign. If you are in trouble with law, just tell what is your name. The other part is history.

Hitchhiking guide

 

I know, alone girl in the road  will have label as tramp or loser. For sure that is understandable, who wants to drive with someone unknown in the backseat? And if you put thumbs up and sit in unknown car, you take a risk.

How many girls were victims of maniac because they enter in wrong car? Hitchhiking is a lottery game. You can get nice person who will bring you home safely, or maniac who will give you much troubles.

I was hitchhiker when i went to college. 4 years, from time to time i used to hitchhiking, to save money for bus and get home faster. Sometimes i had company of friends, sometimes not. I had guardian angel in this time. Also i had notepad in my head and i never got hurt, even unpleasant situations did not avoid me. 

So, imagine yourself that you are standing alone in the middle of the road, distance from your home is very big and you have no other choice than to stop car.

Here are some tips which can help :

1.  your clothes – no hard feelings, but if you wear leather jacket with chains, if you have earring on nose, chance that you will get into car are smaller. Who would take you without fear that you will not steal money or something valuable from the car, or even car ?

 And if you are wearing too short skirt, it is like you have title “take me for free”. So, wear something casual and decent, or take a coat to cover yourself.

 

2. white lies – every driver will ask you why are you alone and why are you hitchhiking. If you say that you are here every day you will be considered as someone without aim in your life. Just say “i late at bus”, “i stayed without drive licence for a month” or “i had deal with friend but he/she cancelled in last minute”. So you are here by coincidence, that is not your permanent situation.

 

3. choose your driver carefully – avoid trucks (often horny and drunk drivers), old cars (potential for car accident ), car with more than one person, if both are men ( in the case of trouble, it is easier with one person)

4. put your hand near door – if you need to go out in the case of trouble , let your fingers be close to exit

 

5. find excuse for go out – say you got sickness, you must pee, or have asthma attack

6. be calm but strong – possible maniac like to feed his ego with fear, so if you are crying he will be furious, and he can got mad more, say politely about consequences

 

7. choose open place – hitchhiking on main road is less dangerous than in some distanced village, if someone throw you out, you will easier find way home

 

8. take cell phone with full charged battery – never know when you will need it

Bets and odds -are you realistic?

 

Drowning man catches at straws. Even when it looks like everything is over, still we wish bonus match. Some life situations are hard to handle, but even harder to let it go. We wish to ask one more chance. Failed marriage, lost job, exam we did not pass, ex boyfriend or girlfriend, all are actors in our own drama and we are not ready to say goodbye.

Alan was ready for retirement, but he did not want to go away from his job. Young forces came, so new pretentious colleagues in fancy suits and with big knowledge, geeks with ties and laptops were waiting in front of his door. Alan did not want to quit. He extended his work time with a help of some business connections. No, that nerds will not replace him this moment. He still has joker in his pocket. He will show to this greenhorn what is real leader.

If you are fighter, as persistent person you will hard give up from things you wish. Grab your aim as dog will grab some bones and don’t let go.

Now is the question, how long we stay in the game? When is match point? 

This is syndrome of burning house. If you are fatalist, you will have excuse “this is written in the stars.” So, this house is half burned, let this other half go to hell because you don’t wish to see remains. If you are savior, you will fight until the last piece.

Count your odds and calculate, is this really over? 

When to let go?

If your problem depends of other person, and she or he doesn’t want to fight for relation, give it up.

If things are over a long time ago, don’t exhume old problems. You will dig and the result will be dead zombie.

If you tried more times, and every attempt ended with zero result. You try to woke up person from coma, he is dead plant, it doesn’t work out.

When your attempts hurt you even more. Every time when this woman rejects you, this is more painful.

Sometimes, things are black outside, but inside still you can see chance to win. That red spots are your chances and if you play wise, you can win.

Which are signs that is not over yet?

Person you wish in your life is still contacting you. Maybe she is unstable, she can’t decide yet. Try to get her on your side.

You can lose much, and also you can win even more. If big cards are in the game, don’t give up so easily.

Your problem is here because of your own mistakes. Now, that is your fault, correct this on time.

Circumstances separated you from aims or desires, it was not good time. Maybe is now your time, so try again.



Only you can figure out is something worthy or not of another try. Also, don’t forget emotional moment. How much you wish this? Will you die inside if you don’t get it? Will you blame yourself till the end of your life that you did not tried?

Problems are bets, and our attempts are odds. Check out your chances and welcome into the race.

Dancing with myself

Human body is not resistant on time. How we get old, we are more sleepy, tired and with lack of energy. Our will could be stronger, but our physical ability is out of battery. If you are not doing any sport activities, you will face it with struggle, how to stay in the race. 

Imagine group of people who wish to go out for weekend. They have plans, but what is with realization? What is suitable for their ages, and what is in their brains?

First group are young people, from 16-24 years.

Usually, they will go to night clubs. They will dance and drink whole night. Some of them will stay also on after parties. Tomorrow, they will repeat this, because party never ends.

Second group are adult people, from 25-30 years.

They are already working weekly, so they will think about how long to stay in clubs, especially if it is Sunday. If that deal is on Friday, some of them are maybe tired. So they will skip Friday to get rest, and they will meet in Saturday.

Third group are people from 31-40 years.

You are still interesting to go in clubs? Or, you think there are kids? Maybe you prefer concert with classic music, or you simply want to go in nature, to get some fresh air. If you decide for night clubs, wear something fashionable , squeeze your teeth if there is crowd, and go to take vip seats. Cinema is also not bad choice.

Fourth group are people from 41-50 years.

You think you don’t have friends anymore, who wants to get out tonight? Now is time to select your team. If your friends are rich, they will know way how to have fun. If you have some saved money, go in journey. You saw already all in your country and in your city, so this is time to travel the world.

Fifth group are people from 51-60 years.

You wish to finish your knitting? Or, finally you will read book at peace? Don’t worry, spa are also good choice. You can swim in warm swimming pool with cocktail in your hands and go to wellness later. 

In generally, you can have fun in every age, even not in the same way. It is never too late to break some rules, or to make surprise for other people, who think that you are written off. What is important, is your feeling inside. 

One interesting thing is: ordinary people are always topic for judgement. Nobody will get surprise if Joan Collins is  going  at party, or if Silvio Berlusconi is dating with girl who can be his granddaughter. They are famous and their limits are crossed a long time ago. What is with ordinary woman in middle ages, or in fifties? Society will mock her, especially if she is in some night bar alone, without husband. 

Unfortunately, we can’t erase some labels, and we can’t avoid judgmental people. 


Just for comfort, people who are used to observe others are usually without own life. If your neighbor is constantly watching you and if her face is on window every time when you go out in new clothes, she is just lonely and curious. Maybe she is frustrated, and maybe her life is indeed boring. If you can hear conversations of some people, main event in their lives happened when their cat broke  expensive vase. But this was from Ming dynasty, so what a waste! Wow, naughty cat, and that happened this weekend. 

When i asked my office roommate what she will do this weekend, she said: “I will ironing. I have no weekend. “

Everyone has weekend time. Some are dancing with themselves, because they have no company. Others are slaves in the service of others. The most happy people are those with choice. Yesterday i was freezing with my boyfriend in open cinema, but it was cool, and i did not complain. I will drink some hot tea and continue today. Party never ends. 

When love is not enough

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Do you know legendary sentence “I love you , but love is not enough?” This is the point of every unhappy love story, starting from Romeo and Julliet until nowadays. As much we wish to believe that heart can hold gentle construction of love story , we must keep our mind on the ground.

What happened with your past love stories? Can you say that you did not love enough your ex boyfriends or that they did not love you enough to stay together? No, that is not the reason why you are today with someone else. If we could measure our love beats, we would stay with each of our lovers until nowadays.

The background is something different. You might not stay with love of your life, but you will stay with man who is the most resistant and persistent partner. You will stay with the one who supports you in your craziness, handle patiently your failures and criticize you even he knows you will throw bricks at him. Maybe your ex boyfriend was too weak or too nervous to deal with you and he found easier way with another woman. Maybe you were too much for him, but it doesn’t mean that he did not love you.

What are the most often reasons, why love is not enough ?

Imagine that you bake cookies and you have all ingredients, but you forgot sugar. You have cream, oil, milk, flavor, even fruit, but you can’t find sugar.

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This is kind of sugar in this story, why feelings of love are not enough to keep love alive:

You are too far from each other.

He is from another city or even another country. Time could break your relation .

You are too old or too young for him.

Differences in generations could break relation. If you are woman 10 or 15 years older. If you are man much older than your love.

Lack of money.

No, i don’t talk as gold digger or material girl. If you have partner who reject to earn money and just sit at home waiting for you to buy him beer, you are in troubles.

Your partner is cheater or womanizer.

You think you can change him? Go ahead and hold pieces of your heart together.

He is an addict.

Addiction of alcohol, drugs, medications, gambling are dangerous vices. If you stay without money, in debts or embarrassed in public, love will not be enough.

I am not saying that obstacles are invincible. I wish to say, it is not enough if you only love your partner. You must be strong, stable, firm and ready to lose him in every moment. You must be ready to stay alone. This is your sugar ingredient which misses in your cake. If you have substitute for this sugar, if you pretend that you did not notice your empty spot in this relation, if you forgive all failures to your partner, this cake will leave bitter taste in your mouth.

Poor Romeo, if he only had enough patience to wait Julliet to wake up. If Rose from Titanic had more logic to hold Jack in this small board, maybe both would drown or survive, but she would not stay with guilt of conscience alone. Poor Othello, if he would only take a breath before strangling Desdemona, he would realize that he did not have reason for his jealousy.

This is only because love was not enough to hold relation alive.

Seed of success

Give me one finger, i will ask whole hand. Step by step and whole universe is mine. Sky is not the limit, so i can remove clouds and make my own kingdom. 

Human nature is made of greedy elements. If we have pieces, we will ask for whole cake. You have house at village, soon you will ask for house on the beach. As much we get, we are not satisfied. Little worm inside us is hungry for more. This appetite is limitless and we can’t get enough.

Imagine that you are big leader and whole world is under your feet. You will grab more and more until you reach your quote, and your appetite will kill you at the end. The key of happiness is in balance, you should know when is enough. Some politicians are now behind bars because they did not know when to stop. They were cheating and stealing, but nobody recovered them until the end. Movie “The wolf from Wall street” talks about reach man who skipped over all limits, until the day he did fatal mistake. From that day, his life went back. As in song of Rolling Stones “I can’t get no satisfaction.”

Average person is also not exempted from big wishes and dreams. Helen is married woman with kids. His husband is kind man, and everyone could envy her for such good marriage. Suddenly, Helen got bored. She meet at work man of her dreams. Steven was new cooperator , he brought new excitements and new butterflies at stomach. She lost her healthy sense and involved into hot relation with him. Business journeys and common dinners became her reality. Now she had everything, family at home and passion outside. One day Steven split this relation without explanations. Helen was in tears, desperate in her attempts to get him back. He was firm in his decision and Helen lost this game. Also, her husband found out for affair and daughters were embarrassed of their mother. Nobody talked with her for a months. 

More passion, more money, more plans and we are on the top of the world. Our mouth are so wide opened that we don’t look for others. 

Once i was on presentation of Zepter products, and there was elegant woman. She said : “I like to do this. I mean, i got bored with my life. I am married, i have children, i have work, and i wanted more, so i will sell Zepter products. This is kind of adrenaline for me. ” It is positive to be ambitious and to wish more. Sport is good area for race and competition, we will skip over other results, let’s show we can do better. 

What happens when we start to tread over corpses? 


That moment when you stand on other foot, when you push someone to take your place, to steal something what is not yours, be careful. People will not stay calm when you try to grab without regrets or respect toward others. You can get no satisfaction so you change women as socks, you grab money on all possible on impossible ways just because grass is greener in other’s garden. 

Characters are different. Someone will please his needs with pieces, other’s will ask for big slices. The problem is here when you ask food for your satisfactions over other’s back. 



What is negative in this?

Hurt others to get what you wish. Later you can’t count on that people. They will not forget.

Use others for own sake. If you use people as dolls in your theater, they will turn you back. 

Pretend kindness even you think opposite. Fake smile is easy to discover, hidden intention will swim out on surface.

Give fake promises  just to get what you wish. Promises have deadline, if you can’t realize that, nobody will trust you.

Person without boundaries is devil’s advocate. You sold soul to devil for trade, all wealth on this Earth will be yours. As nothing in this life is not free, also there is price for you. Loss of peace and restless life. Whatever wrong you did in your past, this is your curse. Sooner or later, you will pay big bill.

The other thing is how you feel after you did success. If you have people to share your joy with them, this is perfect result. But if you were cheating and stealing, if you sold your respect and dignity for bunch of money, you will look at your mirror with sickness. Even worse, you will make toast with empty glass because your beloved people left you a long time ago. Be sure that your seed of success is useful and healthy. After all, you want to sleep safe.

Applause

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Some people will do everything for little attention, just to be in newspaper or on TV screen. If nothing else, they want to be stars in their neighborhood.

For example, Croatian fashion guru Neven Ciganović wanted to talk about Nelson Mandela. He said “i had a dream”, so by mistake he referred to famous words by Martin Luther King. Even bad advertisement is advertisement, so press will write about this and his popularity will increase even more.

There is a slang for people who want to be first and the best everywhere. This is “attention whores. ” We in Croatia say: “he jump from pasty. ” It was famous statement of ex Croatian president Stipe Mesić when he talked about his opponent on elections, Jadranka Kosor. Her presence was so annoying that he said “i can’t open pasty, she is there. “

When someone is crazy for attention, there is no price for what he can do. Even to “forget” own cell phone with naked photos and tomorrow the same will be published in press. Right place and right time, and person who is hungry for applause will be there. That kind of character is not sensitive . There is no shame, no dignity, because all is worthy for little attention.

When Caroline had birthday party , she invited about ten friends, and between them was her best friend Betty. Betty was always noisy and cocky girl and she wanted to forward attention on herself. That birthday was in coffee bar and by coincidence, ex boyfriend of Betty came there. All eyes were on them. People forgot that Caroline is celebrating birthday. Later their friendship was not so close, because Betty used every opportunity to expose herself and Caroline was just in her shadow.  Betty used attention whoring as life style . 

 

Hunger for attention is dangerous for friendships, but also for love relation. Imagine that you are bonded with person who wants to be in the center of everything. She want to be noticed and she will take her handsome boyfriend just to show up with him, because he has muscles and he is bodybuilder, or because he has new and fast car. The same, such man can date with girl because she has good legs and big boobs so he wants to show up his trophy. 

Some people live on the stage. When lights turn on, they are here to make more shine. You can recognize that people at internet. The ones who put tags every day on other walls, who will add you as friend just to increase their list or because you have nice photos and they want to associate with you. That are kind of people who poke noses everywhere and they will follow all statuses just to jump out from majority. They want to be special on wrong way.

Real attention is spontaneous act. This is situation when people notice you and give you compliments, and you did not ask for that, you did not even expect that. You were just as usual, the best version of yourself. This attention is not forced, this is real.