anxiety · behavior · drama · envy · erotica · flirt · jealousy · passion · psychology · rebellion

What doesn’t kill you makes you a killer

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When life starts to slap you from every side, you will survive or fall down. That is why quote says : “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. ” We could analyse why some people became ruthless, harsh or even heartless. Circumstances define you, no matter do you wish this or not. Every bad experience will leave track at your soul, and you will never be the same person as before. Rules of survival are cruel.

Elaine was girl from poor family, they had a lot of unpaid bills and once she was studying for exam with the light of candles. She had only one pair of boots and she spent many winters in them. When Elaine finished her education and got a job, her clients complaint that she is too harsh. Even her boss said : “Please, try to be warmer with people. We are here to help them.” Elaine was formal and she did her tasks accord the law. She was good lawyer, even some clients considered her as cruel. As she used to say : “I am lawyer, not a nurse or nanny. Accept this that i will not sing you lullaby, you need legal advise.”

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Life is not equal to all of us.

If person lives surrounded by attention, love and careness, it will affect on future. Painful past will mark us and even we are not aware of this, we will show our black side. People are often superficial and they will see what they wish to see. Just because someone is not always nice and kind, it doesn’t mean that he is a bad person.

What will negative experience leave to us?

Bad memories. You blow on cold if you burnt in past.

Emotional scarves. You will have problems with emotional connection.

Sarcasm. What is romantic for others, that is pathetic for you.

Alerts. Red alarm will always ring in similar situation. This red light blinks from the past.

Imagine teenage girl, in 18, how she is dancing with innocent smile on her face. Every guy would like to invite her on date. She is pure, she is not overthinking. Twenty years later she is not the same person. If life punished her with bitter experiences as bad relation, divorce or abusing, she will not smile so innocent as before. She will be full of bitterness, and if not, she will open four eyes.

What doesn’t kill you makes you a killer.

When you lost important part of your heart and soul, when someone stole your happiness, you will wish to fight back. That is what person who wish to survive do, she tries to bring back what she lost a long time ago.

anxiety · character · fantasy · freedom · rebellion · responsibility · society

Who are social martyrs?

Life meals are sometimes bitter. It is not that everything is sweet as milk and honey. If you raised in happy family maybe life spared you from miserable moments, but the grudge will wait you later. Humans are on this world to taste fish oil because this is indicator of their firmness. Pain and sadness are not welcome guests, but some people will represent themselves as born to be unhappy. In some sick way, they enjoy to be martyrs, because this is the way to keep attention.

Do you know someone who is big martyr? Colleague from work, mother in law, your dear friend or even wife?

Typical day of every martyr starts like this:

I must wash laundry because nobody will help me. I must cook lunch because my family will be hungry and they will yell on me. I must stay overtime at work because i will get fired if i don’t do this. I can’t watch my soap opera because my husband is watching football. I must make dinner for my guests because i owe them, last time me and husband were invited in their house. What they will think of me if i don’t invite them for return?”

 

In the eyes of martyr everything is black. Life is one big pain and martyr is stigmatized person who must do all bad jobs, because others expect this from him. Everyone must give confession to martyr, that he is the person who were walking on thorns with his first steps.

What kind of problems martyr never solves?

Martyr is person in bad relation. He knows this, but he stays there anyway.

Martyr is woman who never get marry because she is afraid to get out from status quo situation.

Martyr is person who stays at bad work until retirement because everyone feels sorry for him and this is his kind of feed for soul.

Martyr is son who lives with his mother because he is not able to find a job and pay own flat.

Martyr is mother who cook meals and wash laundry for her adult kids because they could not do it alone.

Jade is woman with health problems. She takes pills , painkillers , because her pains in back are unbearable. She doesn’t want to go to private doctor because she needs money for other things. She doesn’t talk with her sister and brother for a 10 years, because they took her big part of family inheritance. She never forgive them how they acted at court when her father died. She is not without friends and people wish to help her, but she rejects every favor, because she doesn’t want to be treated as poor woman. But, when someone ask her about her life, she used to say : ” Everyone abandoned me. I don’t have any help from people. They avoid me because i am old and poor. ”

Martyr is kind of manipulator.

How does it happens?

Martyr use 4 kind of deadly weapons:

Guilt.  

Conscience.

Condolence.

Empathy. 

If you don’t help martyr, you will feel guilty. If you feel guilty, your conscience will warn you and you will not sleep well. Then you start to feel condolence and your sense for empathy is awake.

That is how Helen did. She was old nasty widow. She had many people who were indeed her servants. One man brought her things from shopping mall every day. Other servant was woman who cooked her meals, for small money. The next was woman who was drinking whiskey with her and listened her problems, to make her company. Helen was nasty, but nobody complained, because she was old and helpless widow. That was her ticket for paradise, to be blessed as martyr. Once someone rejected to help her, and Helen said: “How can you be so cruel to old and weak lady as me? ”

When someone acts as martyr, that is lack of self-respect . Also that shows laziness and conformism. Person will lean on others even she marked others as culprits. If you live with helpless mother in law or you work with colleague who never finish his work and you must to it for him , you share life with martyr. In this case you are servant, and they are masters. Read between lines when your colleague ask you to help him with unfinished task. ” Help me, you know how to do this”, indeed means ” I don’t want to do it alone because you will do it instead of me. “

patience · phobia · prejudices · psychology · rebellion · responsibility · society

Why i don’t like Monday?

 

In year 1979 , at Cleveland Elementary School in San Diego, Brenda Ann Spencer was shooting and killed two people. Eight were injured in this terrible event, and when police ask her why she did it, she replied :”I don’t like Mondays. ” She was only 16 and she surrended immediately , without resistance. She inspired Bob Geldof to write song “Why i don’t like Monday”, and Boomtown Rats made music, so it was favourite song on top lists, as reminder on this terrible crime.

Monday phenomenon is not an exception, because many of us will say “i hate Monday.” No matter if you get up early for school, or you are travelling on the road to your job, you will notice traffic jam or crowd and it will upset you, especially because you realized that weekend is over. Our body and mind are in shock, because after relaxing we must back to reality and daily obligations. You will not shoot nobody, but you will be furious , nervous and frustrated.

It is not recommended that you have exam or business meeting in Monday morning. Your mind is still sleepy and even bunch of coffee cups will not help you. Remember how many times you did not sleep well at Sunday, because tomorrow is damn Monday and your duties are waiting for you.

Accord this statistic, mostly car accidents, 1072 happen between Sunday and Monday, at midnight and 3 a.m.

Results from researching in Hong Kong, from 1989-2001 shown that Monday is suicide day. 22% of suicides were committed at Monday. They made conclusion, suicides happens because of family arguments, which started at weekend and continued in Monday.

Why is Monday such notorious day ?

You realise that your problems start again, even you may forgot it at weekends.

If you delayed something, Monday will remind you on deadline.

If you started diet and broke your rules at weekend, you must start again from Monday.

You are unsleepy after party nights with lot of alcohol.

Your vacation is over and you must back to work.

 

Monday is indeed cut from fantasies and return to reality. This day is useful as alert. Brenda Ann Spencer made terrible action to pull attention on herself.

Did she choose Monday randomly or with purpose? We can guess.

behavior · erotica · flirt · psychology · rebellion · relations · romance · sensibility

7 signs that breakup is near

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Once when woman caught man of her dreams she will focus how to keep him. That is not easy task, because as much is hard to find soulmate, it is even harder to save this relation forever. Butterflies in stomach are here for 2 or 3 years, and then situation is changing. Our relation is ready for next chapter, so love will be deeper and more mature or we will lost interest. What connected us together at the start of this relation is not so important anymore. If we don’t grow together with time, simply this love will get lost. You loved this man because he was so passionate and wild in sex, but if his sexual skills are everything he could offer to you, sparks will fade and you will look into lazy guy who is unable to understand you.

There are some signs that relation will break. 


Which kind of atmosphere is intro in breakup? When we will know what is not meant to be?

Battlefield in relation. Conflicts from time to time are healthy for relation, but if you fight with your partner day by day and if your every conversation ends with ugly words, this is not sign of love. You and partner are holding a rope, and everyone drag on their side. This will be very tense and too much conflicts will lead into breakup.

Too much secrets. You live with this guy but he is mystery to you? What kind of job he works, why he never talk about his father and where he disappears from time to time? If you can’t trust to your partner, you live with stranger. Who knows, maybe he has another family somewhere. 

Too much freedom. Everyone has right on own space in relation, but person in marriage or in serious relation can’t be equal to single person. If you do what you wish without asking opinion of your second half, you are not devoted. This relation is burden to you, and your partner live is constantly fear that one day you will go to buy cigarettes and that you will not come back. Probably it will be like that.

Lack of respect. There is no love without respect. You can have great sex with person who doesn’t give you respect, but this is far from love. If your partner did not introduce you to his family or friends, if he is dating with other women behind your back, he is disrespectful.

Despair. There is no relation which will have success if you beg or force partner to stay with you. You can’t blackmail partner with children , suicide or tears. Some women will say “i will forgive infidelity because he is always coming back. ” There are some women who will even pimp another women to his man, in hope that he will never leave them if they allow such freedom in marriage. That is pathetic and worthy of condolence. 

Silence and closed mouth. Some marriages are based on secret pledge. Man is master of the house, and woman will shut up her mouth. He gives order, she is here to listen and do accord his wishes. During years, women will suffer more and more and one day she can decide to leave this community where is no freedom of speech.

Abusing. In this world is much abused women, but not every of them will complain or try to get out from this situation. This is not rare that woman will talk about how she is clumsy that she falls and hit herself at the door. Black eye and broken mouth are sign that you need to leave. You are in danger, not only your self respect, you can be in life danger too.

Love relation is house, based on safe material. If you built your love with trust, honesty, mutual respect and patience, this result will show up as crown with years. But if you deceive yourself with lies, promises and expectations without any good reason behind that, you are actor in own delusional theater. This is circus, and you are clown. At the end, when your relation is over, this is not surprise. This crowded house exploded in the air. This booby trap is activated a long time ago, just you were blind to see that.

behavior · character · destiny · drama · lovers · passion · psychology · rebellion · relations

Why relations with hooligans are so exciting?

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Young girl will easy fall in love in hooligan. Guy who drives fast, spit on the floor and swears, what a dude! He said to his mother to go to hell, his teacher got nickname bitch, and his old neighbor is just an old corpse who breaths this air for a granted. For sure anyone of us women knew such kind of guy in youth, because something in his behavior was sexy, ruthless and cool. 

I knew a guy who lost teeth at football match and spent his night in jail. Even he was without teeth, many girls were flirting with him, because his chaos made him attractive. An opposite, nerd with glasses, guy who had excellent marks and who was living book of knowledge stayed virgin until college. With years, situation changed and suddenly hooligan was not welcome. Football supporter was not good candidate for marriage, and girls who were with him did not invited him at parties anymore, because now they were in ambitious race for success. 

Manners are basic of compulsory education. If you are well mannered, it shows that you came from good family, that you respect others, and the most important, that you represent yourself as serious person for friendship, business cooperation and love relation.

Let’s imagine scene where you represent your present boyfriend, who is hooligan, to your parents, friends and relatives. If he says : “so your mom is sexy” or ” so you are this fat best buddy” you will be in uncomfortable situation to justify his actions. His mistakes will be your mistakes and if some doors will be closed to you, he is responsible.

What are indeed good manners? This are not only certain level of education, kindness and sweet words. 

Some basic signs of good manners are not well understood, and people will mix some characteristic as right ones, but this perception is wrong.

If you are too kind, you are boring. Yes it is nice to see guy who will ask for health all your relatives, but if he repeat himself every time, he is a pest.

If you are all the time on the back of some person, you are smarmy. Your boss will not like if you give her compliments about her hairstyle all the time.

Don’t push nose in other privacy, even if you talk in the best way. If you say “is your sweet sister still shaken from breakup?” you will reveal something confident, and that is not nice.

Hooligan is not only person who spit and swears and who participate in street fights. Hooligan is person who doesn’t respect your time and your schedule. 

The wolf can wear sheep clothes, so you will not recognize him always at first sight. Sometimes he could be impostor, man with experience who just want to enter into your good family, for own purpose. You will see his real face later, between four walls. He can make huge compliments in publicity, but he can slap you in your private space.

When you fall in love in hooligan, you can’t bring him into your level. You can pretend that you are on his level, to explain to him basic values. Be close with him in a way as you are playing computer games. Sometimes, guy is innocent, and he doesn’t know that his actions can hurt you. You can’t change him, but maybe you can find common language with him so he will wish to do something for you. 

business · career · gossip · happiness · life · psychology · rebellion

Writer out of stereotypes

 

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When we talk about some professions, for sure in our heads is vision about how some persons should look like. So you will imagine cop as tall and strong man, teacher as woman with glasses, butcher as fat man etc.


That is just our superficial view and draft about person . But things are different. 



What if person doesn’t fit in stereotypes?

Nives Celzius is woman who won award for best selling book in Croatia and region, name of book “Naked truth.” That book is about scandals and affairs, erotic events in celebrity world in Balkan. So nothing strange indeed, but that book was the main subject of Croatian readers and Nives got award with name “Kiklop.” Talking about history this award was established by the name of novel of Ranko Marinković, famous Croatian writer, dedicated to him and honorable for all future writers.

So, who is Nives? Nives Celzius is Croatian singer, pin up girl , wife of Croatian footballer Dino Drpić, Croatian celebrity girl who became famous outside of Croatia because of her sex appeal, she was on cover of many international magazines. She is not writer who can fit into stereotypes. So, old fashioned closed mind in Croatia decided to take away “Kiklop” award from her hands. Scandal was even bigger when Mrs Vodopija, Director of the Book Fair in Pula Magdalena Vodopija , responsible for award decided to shut down all future rewards. Simply, Mrs. Vodopija found shameful that Nives can get award, so she wanted to destroy all future possibilities that kind of writers as Nives can get award in future.

Of course, Nives found satisfaction in District court in Pula. There, accord to verdict, final decision was, she must get “Kiklop” right into her hands. Justice won this time, but shadow of shame stayed in background.

Who should be ashamed? Not Nives, she fight fair and she won this game. She wrote a book, Croatian publicity accepted her and she deserve award. But Mrs. Vodopija who told that woman like her doesn’t deserve award because she is not traditional writer, she should be ashamed. So what if Nives had scandals, that is her personal life.

Maybe some people are disappointed with taste of Croatian readers. Yes, we read yellow stamp and scandals, not boring books about war and politics, because we want something to make us smile, that we can feel alive. It doesn’t mean that we are people without taste, we know about famous writers and many of us will like Hemingway, Proust, Dostojevski. But we choose. In this way, Croatian publicity show up that closed minds must stay in box and not to attack other people because they were enough brave to jump out from the box.

Nives is one good example.

business · career · crime · money · moral · psychology · publicity · rebellion

Celebrities behind bars

Break the rule, it can be very exciting and funny, but break the law is not so hilarious. Unless you don’t want to pay big money or spend life behind prison bars, conflicts with law are not recommended.

As every rule has an exception, here are examples of famous persons who avoided justice very successfully.

So, if you want to play with system, you should be famous. If you believe that all are equal in this world and that ordinary person will get equal punishment as famous star, you are very wrong.

In the year 2011 Serbian singer Svetlana Ceca Ražnjatović was accused because of illegal possession of money from transfer of football players . That footballers were playing for football club Obilić and she was president of that club. For those who doesn’t know, Ceca is widow of familiar criminal man Željko Ražnjatović Arkan. She took 2 million euro and over 300 000 dollars on illegal way, she took money for herself. What court said? She got 8 months of house arrest together with her sister, who was cooperator in her act. She also got bracelet with bipper around her leg, as insurance that she will not try to escape.

 

This was not the end, so 2 years later she was accused for threats and her advocate wanted to deal with court , he suggested that Ceca could pay money in humanitarian purposes, but court denied that. Can you imagine that ordinary person would avoid normal prison for stealing other money?

 

Paris Hilton was arrested because of possession of drugs, and she was in prison, but her treatment was much better that with other prisoners. She was only 23 days in jail.

 

Khloe Kardashian was driving drunk, and she got 30 days of prison. Instead this, she spent only 173 minutes behind prison bars in Lynwood jail, famous as place for celebrities. Her sister even made party for her before she went there , party was named as “Girl, you are going to prison.”

 

So, it is not easy to be ordinary man. If you are not celebrity, and if you drink over 2 glasses of alcohol and police stops you, and you have over 1.5 promil (in Croatia), you will stay without drive licence for one month, you will pay about 1000 euro for penalty and you must go to test at shrink for your abilities. All this, and if you even did not drive fast or make damage or hurt someone at road. Unless you know a policeman to make deal with him, but even then you will have hard time to avoid punishment. 

 

Nomen est omen. Name is a sign. If you are in trouble with law, just tell what is your name. The other part is history.

destiny · drama · prejudices · psychology · rebellion · responsibility · society

Hitchhiking guide

 

I know, alone girl in the road  will have label as tramp or loser. For sure that is understandable, who wants to drive with someone unknown in the backseat? And if you put thumbs up and sit in unknown car, you take a risk.

How many girls were victims of maniac because they enter in wrong car? Hitchhiking is a lottery game. You can get nice person who will bring you home safely, or maniac who will give you much troubles.

I was hitchhiker when i went to college. 4 years, from time to time i used to hitchhiking, to save money for bus and get home faster. Sometimes i had company of friends, sometimes not. I had guardian angel in this time. Also i had notepad in my head and i never got hurt, even unpleasant situations did not avoid me. 

So, imagine yourself that you are standing alone in the middle of the road, distance from your home is very big and you have no other choice than to stop car.

Here are some tips which can help :

1.  your clothes – no hard feelings, but if you wear leather jacket with chains, if you have earring on nose, chance that you will get into car are smaller. Who would take you without fear that you will not steal money or something valuable from the car, or even car ?

 And if you are wearing too short skirt, it is like you have title “take me for free”. So, wear something casual and decent, or take a coat to cover yourself.

 

2. white lies – every driver will ask you why are you alone and why are you hitchhiking. If you say that you are here every day you will be considered as someone without aim in your life. Just say “i late at bus”, “i stayed without drive licence for a month” or “i had deal with friend but he/she cancelled in last minute”. So you are here by coincidence, that is not your permanent situation.

 

3. choose your driver carefully – avoid trucks (often horny and drunk drivers), old cars (potential for car accident ), car with more than one person, if both are men ( in the case of trouble, it is easier with one person)

4. put your hand near door – if you need to go out in the case of trouble , let your fingers be close to exit

 

5. find excuse for go out – say you got sickness, you must pee, or have asthma attack

6. be calm but strong – possible maniac like to feed his ego with fear, so if you are crying he will be furious, and he can got mad more, say politely about consequences

 

7. choose open place – hitchhiking on main road is less dangerous than in some distanced village, if someone throw you out, you will easier find way home

 

8. take cell phone with full charged battery – never know when you will need it

behavior · business · career · depression · loyalty · moral · psychology · rebellion · relations

Bets and odds -are you realistic?

 

Drowning man catches at straws. Even when it looks like everything is over, still we wish bonus match. Some life situations are hard to handle, but even harder to let it go. We wish to ask one more chance. Failed marriage, lost job, exam we did not pass, ex boyfriend or girlfriend, all are actors in our own drama and we are not ready to say goodbye.

Alan was ready for retirement, but he did not want to go away from his job. Young forces came, so new pretentious colleagues in fancy suits and with big knowledge, geeks with ties and laptops were waiting in front of his door. Alan did not want to quit. He extended his work time with a help of some business connections. No, that nerds will not replace him this moment. He still has joker in his pocket. He will show to this greenhorn what is real leader.

If you are fighter, as persistent person you will hard give up from things you wish. Grab your aim as dog will grab some bones and don’t let go.

Now is the question, how long we stay in the game? When is match point? 

This is syndrome of burning house. If you are fatalist, you will have excuse “this is written in the stars.” So, this house is half burned, let this other half go to hell because you don’t wish to see remains. If you are savior, you will fight until the last piece.

Count your odds and calculate, is this really over? 

When to let go?

If your problem depends of other person, and she or he doesn’t want to fight for relation, give it up.

If things are over a long time ago, don’t exhume old problems. You will dig and the result will be dead zombie.

If you tried more times, and every attempt ended with zero result. You try to woke up person from coma, he is dead plant, it doesn’t work out.

When your attempts hurt you even more. Every time when this woman rejects you, this is more painful.

Sometimes, things are black outside, but inside still you can see chance to win. That red spots are your chances and if you play wise, you can win.

Which are signs that is not over yet?

Person you wish in your life is still contacting you. Maybe she is unstable, she can’t decide yet. Try to get her on your side.

You can lose much, and also you can win even more. If big cards are in the game, don’t give up so easily.

Your problem is here because of your own mistakes. Now, that is your fault, correct this on time.

Circumstances separated you from aims or desires, it was not good time. Maybe is now your time, so try again.



Only you can figure out is something worthy or not of another try. Also, don’t forget emotional moment. How much you wish this? Will you die inside if you don’t get it? Will you blame yourself till the end of your life that you did not tried?

Problems are bets, and our attempts are odds. Check out your chances and welcome into the race.

clubbing · depression · destiny · drama · drunkers · illusion · prejudices · psychology · rebellion

Dancing with myself

Human body is not resistant on time. How we get old, we are more sleepy, tired and with lack of energy. Our will could be stronger, but our physical ability is out of battery. If you are not doing any sport activities, you will face it with struggle, how to stay in the race. 

Imagine group of people who wish to go out for weekend. They have plans, but what is with realization? What is suitable for their ages, and what is in their brains?

First group are young people, from 16-24 years.

Usually, they will go to night clubs. They will dance and drink whole night. Some of them will stay also on after parties. Tomorrow, they will repeat this, because party never ends.

Second group are adult people, from 25-30 years.

They are already working weekly, so they will think about how long to stay in clubs, especially if it is Sunday. If that deal is on Friday, some of them are maybe tired. So they will skip Friday to get rest, and they will meet in Saturday.

Third group are people from 31-40 years.

You are still interesting to go in clubs? Or, you think there are kids? Maybe you prefer concert with classic music, or you simply want to go in nature, to get some fresh air. If you decide for night clubs, wear something fashionable , squeeze your teeth if there is crowd, and go to take vip seats. Cinema is also not bad choice.

Fourth group are people from 41-50 years.

You think you don’t have friends anymore, who wants to get out tonight? Now is time to select your team. If your friends are rich, they will know way how to have fun. If you have some saved money, go in journey. You saw already all in your country and in your city, so this is time to travel the world.

Fifth group are people from 51-60 years.

You wish to finish your knitting? Or, finally you will read book at peace? Don’t worry, spa are also good choice. You can swim in warm swimming pool with cocktail in your hands and go to wellness later. 

In generally, you can have fun in every age, even not in the same way. It is never too late to break some rules, or to make surprise for other people, who think that you are written off. What is important, is your feeling inside. 

One interesting thing is: ordinary people are always topic for judgement. Nobody will get surprise if Joan Collins is  going  at party, or if Silvio Berlusconi is dating with girl who can be his granddaughter. They are famous and their limits are crossed a long time ago. What is with ordinary woman in middle ages, or in fifties? Society will mock her, especially if she is in some night bar alone, without husband. 

Unfortunately, we can’t erase some labels, and we can’t avoid judgmental people. 


Just for comfort, people who are used to observe others are usually without own life. If your neighbor is constantly watching you and if her face is on window every time when you go out in new clothes, she is just lonely and curious. Maybe she is frustrated, and maybe her life is indeed boring. If you can hear conversations of some people, main event in their lives happened when their cat broke  expensive vase. But this was from Ming dynasty, so what a waste! Wow, naughty cat, and that happened this weekend. 

When i asked my office roommate what she will do this weekend, she said: “I will ironing. I have no weekend. “

Everyone has weekend time. Some are dancing with themselves, because they have no company. Others are slaves in the service of others. The most happy people are those with choice. Yesterday i was freezing with my boyfriend in open cinema, but it was cool, and i did not complain. I will drink some hot tea and continue today. Party never ends.