Do you blame others for your failures?

C5Ja1wGXAAAv-J5

You know the feeling when someone is getting on your nerves, but for some reason you can’t respond properly. You depend on this person and you will swallow your rage. When rage is placed deep inside you, it will find a way out.

This rage is travelling until the right target. So, poor victim is third person, someone who is on wrong place in wrong time.

Mother comes home after exhausting day at work. Her boss gave her hard time, but little daughter asks for attention, she wants her favorite candy or she lost her Barbie doll,  so mother should help her to find where it is.

Damn, leave me alone. I can’t open my eyes, i am so tired. Can’t you give me a little peace?

Little girl will be offended without special reason, just because her mother did not face it with problem eyes to eyes with their causer.

New man comes in business company, he progressed as boss. His employers are in fear, because they don’t know when he will explode. He is recently divorced, and his wife escape with another man and their two children, so he is in the middle of court battle for custodial services. All the time angry and frustrated, he doesn’t see his employers. What he notice are not  indeed his employers , they are just symbols in this situation. He can be unkind and rude toward them because they are replacement for wife who is untouchable.

Shifted aggression is divided on attackers and victims. 
If someone tries to hurt you without reason, ask yourself what is bothering him or her. That are internal demons and they want to swim out .

These are signs of shifted aggression:
Person yells without reason or raise his voice.


Person accuses you for something you did not do.


Person provokes you, just in intention that you will fight back.


Person doesn’t want to see what you did good. He is interested only for possible mistakes.



This magic words “calm down” or “relax” will make even more bad effects. Just wait until storm pass. Maybe to offer them cup of coffee or tea  or tell them good joke?

 
Advertisements

Did you burn your own bridge?

C6TCGegXMAAsWZs

The worst thing you can do to yourself is to burn your own bridge. If you underestimate your abilities and values it means you underestimate yourself. So you think that you don’t deserve the best, and you won’t get it because you ruined your odds at the start of this race.

Nobody is perfect so sometimes we will afraid of high standards, some terms and requests from others. You see an advertising for great job, but you are not qualified. That girl captured your eyes but she is gorgeous, and you are just an average guy next door. The main question is: “Where is my place and should i stand out?”

If you are not ready to cross your limits, your destiny is sealed. You will always stay in your small city with poor job and small salary , married to someone just to break loneliness, because that person was not your first choice. Once you wanted to marry for guy you loved passionate, but you never get courage to show him your affection. Your husband was safe choice so today you think about “what if” option.

Scarlet was average girl with weight problems, but she had an excellent taste and high standards for men. Her self confidence was high and she dared to approach any guy. She was never pushy, an opposite, her methods of seducing were masterpiece. First she would get info about guy, his preferences and interests, to know her target better. It was sophisticated way to create opportunity and make spot for her actions. So she “accidentally” met James in library when he learnt for an exam, Scott on playground when he was training basketball and Richard on course of Spanish language. Scarlet was cheerful and her sense of humor was great so guys loved her company. Even she did not manage always to catch guy in her spider net, she was surrounded by handsome and popular guys so it was matter of time when she will catch the right one. One day she met Ryan in the club, they started conversation about music and next step was dance. Scarlet had provocative clothes for this opportunity and Ryan fall on her charm, even he could pick more beautiful girl than Scarlet. He was fascinated with her personality.

How to catch someone or something out of your league?

Stretch yourself. So do things which you never did before.

Don’t listen pessimistic people. It will spoil your mood.

Take a risk that you may fail or get embarrassed. This is the price.

Never behave accord previous patterns. Take a new horse for a new ride.

Be flexible. To catch something out of your league, you must be ready for changes, even you may not like it.

Life is bunch of strategies. Your results depend about skills which you adopted by experiences. If you stand in the same circle, if you make your own boundaries, you are prisoner in your own jail. So, when you wish something out of your league, it is time to change your beliefs from “i can’t” to “i can”.

What doesn’t kill you makes you a killer

_con.jpg

When life starts to slap you from every side, you will survive or fall down. That is why quote says : “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. ” We could analyse why some people became ruthless, harsh or even heartless. Circumstances define you, no matter do you wish this or not. Every bad experience will leave track at your soul, and you will never be the same person as before. Rules of survival are cruel.

Elaine was girl from poor family, they had a lot of unpaid bills and once she was studying for exam with the light of candles. She had only one pair of boots and she spent many winters in them. When Elaine finished her education and got a job, her clients complaint that she is too harsh. Even her boss said : “Please, try to be warmer with people. We are here to help them.” Elaine was formal and she did her tasks accord the law. She was good lawyer, even some clients considered her as cruel. As she used to say : “I am lawyer, not a nurse or nanny. Accept this that i will not sing you lullaby, you need legal advise.”

___2_by_paraprakash-d95qs4p.jpg

Life is not equal to all of us.

If person lives surrounded by attention, love and careness, it will affect on future. Painful past will mark us and even we are not aware of this, we will show our black side. People are often superficial and they will see what they wish to see. Just because someone is not always nice and kind, it doesn’t mean that he is a bad person.

What will negative experience leave to us?

Bad memories. You blow on cold if you burnt in past.

Emotional scarves. You will have problems with emotional connection.

Sarcasm. What is romantic for others, that is pathetic for you.

Alerts. Red alarm will always ring in similar situation. This red light blinks from the past.

Imagine teenage girl, in 18, how she is dancing with innocent smile on her face. Every guy would like to invite her on date. She is pure, she is not overthinking. Twenty years later she is not the same person. If life punished her with bitter experiences as bad relation, divorce or abusing, she will not smile so innocent as before. She will be full of bitterness, and if not, she will open four eyes.

What doesn’t kill you makes you a killer.

When you lost important part of your heart and soul, when someone stole your happiness, you will wish to fight back. That is what person who wish to survive do, she tries to bring back what she lost a long time ago.

Who are social martyrs?

Life meals are sometimes bitter. It is not that everything is sweet as milk and honey. If you raised in happy family maybe life spared you from miserable moments, but the grudge will wait you later. Humans are on this world to taste fish oil because this is indicator of their firmness. Pain and sadness are not welcome guests, but some people will represent themselves as born to be unhappy. In some sick way, they enjoy to be martyrs, because this is the way to keep attention.

Do you know someone who is big martyr? Colleague from work, mother in law, your dear friend or even wife?

Typical day of every martyr starts like this:

I must wash laundry because nobody will help me. I must cook lunch because my family will be hungry and they will yell on me. I must stay overtime at work because i will get fired if i don’t do this. I can’t watch my soap opera because my husband is watching football. I must make dinner for my guests because i owe them, last time me and husband were invited in their house. What they will think of me if i don’t invite them for return?”

 

In the eyes of martyr everything is black. Life is one big pain and martyr is stigmatized person who must do all bad jobs, because others expect this from him. Everyone must give confession to martyr, that he is the person who were walking on thorns with his first steps.

What kind of problems martyr never solves?

Martyr is person in bad relation. He knows this, but he stays there anyway.

Martyr is woman who never get marry because she is afraid to get out from status quo situation.

Martyr is person who stays at bad work until retirement because everyone feels sorry for him and this is his kind of feed for soul.

Martyr is son who lives with his mother because he is not able to find a job and pay own flat.

Martyr is mother who cook meals and wash laundry for her adult kids because they could not do it alone.

Jade is woman with health problems. She takes pills , painkillers , because her pains in back are unbearable. She doesn’t want to go to private doctor because she needs money for other things. She doesn’t talk with her sister and brother for a 10 years, because they took her big part of family inheritance. She never forgive them how they acted at court when her father died. She is not without friends and people wish to help her, but she rejects every favor, because she doesn’t want to be treated as poor woman. But, when someone ask her about her life, she used to say : ” Everyone abandoned me. I don’t have any help from people. They avoid me because i am old and poor. ”

Martyr is kind of manipulator.

How does it happens?

Martyr use 4 kind of deadly weapons:

Guilt.  

Conscience.

Condolence.

Empathy. 

If you don’t help martyr, you will feel guilty. If you feel guilty, your conscience will warn you and you will not sleep well. Then you start to feel condolence and your sense for empathy is awake.

That is how Helen did. She was old nasty widow. She had many people who were indeed her servants. One man brought her things from shopping mall every day. Other servant was woman who cooked her meals, for small money. The next was woman who was drinking whiskey with her and listened her problems, to make her company. Helen was nasty, but nobody complained, because she was old and helpless widow. That was her ticket for paradise, to be blessed as martyr. Once someone rejected to help her, and Helen said: “How can you be so cruel to old and weak lady as me? ”

When someone acts as martyr, that is lack of self-respect . Also that shows laziness and conformism. Person will lean on others even she marked others as culprits. If you live with helpless mother in law or you work with colleague who never finish his work and you must to it for him , you share life with martyr. In this case you are servant, and they are masters. Read between lines when your colleague ask you to help him with unfinished task. ” Help me, you know how to do this”, indeed means ” I don’t want to do it alone because you will do it instead of me. “

Why i don’t like Monday?

 

In year 1979 , at Cleveland Elementary School in San Diego, Brenda Ann Spencer was shooting and killed two people. Eight were injured in this terrible event, and when police ask her why she did it, she replied :”I don’t like Mondays. ” She was only 16 and she surrended immediately , without resistance. She inspired Bob Geldof to write song “Why i don’t like Monday”, and Boomtown Rats made music, so it was favourite song on top lists, as reminder on this terrible crime.

Monday phenomenon is not an exception, because many of us will say “i hate Monday.” No matter if you get up early for school, or you are travelling on the road to your job, you will notice traffic jam or crowd and it will upset you, especially because you realized that weekend is over. Our body and mind are in shock, because after relaxing we must back to reality and daily obligations. You will not shoot nobody, but you will be furious , nervous and frustrated.

It is not recommended that you have exam or business meeting in Monday morning. Your mind is still sleepy and even bunch of coffee cups will not help you. Remember how many times you did not sleep well at Sunday, because tomorrow is damn Monday and your duties are waiting for you.

Accord this statistic, mostly car accidents, 1072 happen between Sunday and Monday, at midnight and 3 a.m.

Results from researching in Hong Kong, from 1989-2001 shown that Monday is suicide day. 22% of suicides were committed at Monday. They made conclusion, suicides happens because of family arguments, which started at weekend and continued in Monday.

Why is Monday such notorious day ?

You realise that your problems start again, even you may forgot it at weekends.

If you delayed something, Monday will remind you on deadline.

If you started diet and broke your rules at weekend, you must start again from Monday.

You are unsleepy after party nights with lot of alcohol.

Your vacation is over and you must back to work.

 

Monday is indeed cut from fantasies and return to reality. This day is useful as alert. Brenda Ann Spencer made terrible action to pull attention on herself.

Did she choose Monday randomly or with purpose? We can guess.

7 signs that breakup is near

14 - 1 (7)

Once when woman caught man of her dreams she will focus how to keep him. That is not easy task, because as much is hard to find soulmate, it is even harder to save this relation forever. Butterflies in stomach are here for 2 or 3 years, and then situation is changing. Our relation is ready for next chapter, so love will be deeper and more mature or we will lost interest. What connected us together at the start of this relation is not so important anymore. If we don’t grow together with time, simply this love will get lost. You loved this man because he was so passionate and wild in sex, but if his sexual skills are everything he could offer to you, sparks will fade and you will look into lazy guy who is unable to understand you.

There are some signs that relation will break. 


Which kind of atmosphere is intro in breakup? When we will know what is not meant to be?

Battlefield in relation. Conflicts from time to time are healthy for relation, but if you fight with your partner day by day and if your every conversation ends with ugly words, this is not sign of love. You and partner are holding a rope, and everyone drag on their side. This will be very tense and too much conflicts will lead into breakup.

Too much secrets. You live with this guy but he is mystery to you? What kind of job he works, why he never talk about his father and where he disappears from time to time? If you can’t trust to your partner, you live with stranger. Who knows, maybe he has another family somewhere. 

Too much freedom. Everyone has right on own space in relation, but person in marriage or in serious relation can’t be equal to single person. If you do what you wish without asking opinion of your second half, you are not devoted. This relation is burden to you, and your partner live is constantly fear that one day you will go to buy cigarettes and that you will not come back. Probably it will be like that.

Lack of respect. There is no love without respect. You can have great sex with person who doesn’t give you respect, but this is far from love. If your partner did not introduce you to his family or friends, if he is dating with other women behind your back, he is disrespectful.

Despair. There is no relation which will have success if you beg or force partner to stay with you. You can’t blackmail partner with children , suicide or tears. Some women will say “i will forgive infidelity because he is always coming back. ” There are some women who will even pimp another women to his man, in hope that he will never leave them if they allow such freedom in marriage. That is pathetic and worthy of condolence. 

Silence and closed mouth. Some marriages are based on secret pledge. Man is master of the house, and woman will shut up her mouth. He gives order, she is here to listen and do accord his wishes. During years, women will suffer more and more and one day she can decide to leave this community where is no freedom of speech.

Abusing. In this world is much abused women, but not every of them will complain or try to get out from this situation. This is not rare that woman will talk about how she is clumsy that she falls and hit herself at the door. Black eye and broken mouth are sign that you need to leave. You are in danger, not only your self respect, you can be in life danger too.

Love relation is house, based on safe material. If you built your love with trust, honesty, mutual respect and patience, this result will show up as crown with years. But if you deceive yourself with lies, promises and expectations without any good reason behind that, you are actor in own delusional theater. This is circus, and you are clown. At the end, when your relation is over, this is not surprise. This crowded house exploded in the air. This booby trap is activated a long time ago, just you were blind to see that.

Why relations with hooligans are so exciting?

13118921_1172832219396410_2641204338792213025_n

Young girl will easy fall in love in hooligan. Guy who drives fast, spit on the floor and swears, what a dude! He said to his mother to go to hell, his teacher got nickname bitch, and his old neighbor is just an old corpse who breaths this air for a granted. For sure anyone of us women knew such kind of guy in youth, because something in his behavior was sexy, ruthless and cool. 

I knew a guy who lost teeth at football match and spent his night in jail. Even he was without teeth, many girls were flirting with him, because his chaos made him attractive. An opposite, nerd with glasses, guy who had excellent marks and who was living book of knowledge stayed virgin until college. With years, situation changed and suddenly hooligan was not welcome. Football supporter was not good candidate for marriage, and girls who were with him did not invited him at parties anymore, because now they were in ambitious race for success. 

Manners are basic of compulsory education. If you are well mannered, it shows that you came from good family, that you respect others, and the most important, that you represent yourself as serious person for friendship, business cooperation and love relation.

Let’s imagine scene where you represent your present boyfriend, who is hooligan, to your parents, friends and relatives. If he says : “so your mom is sexy” or ” so you are this fat best buddy” you will be in uncomfortable situation to justify his actions. His mistakes will be your mistakes and if some doors will be closed to you, he is responsible.

What are indeed good manners? This are not only certain level of education, kindness and sweet words. 

Some basic signs of good manners are not well understood, and people will mix some characteristic as right ones, but this perception is wrong.

If you are too kind, you are boring. Yes it is nice to see guy who will ask for health all your relatives, but if he repeat himself every time, he is a pest.

If you are all the time on the back of some person, you are smarmy. Your boss will not like if you give her compliments about her hairstyle all the time.

Don’t push nose in other privacy, even if you talk in the best way. If you say “is your sweet sister still shaken from breakup?” you will reveal something confident, and that is not nice.

Hooligan is not only person who spit and swears and who participate in street fights. Hooligan is person who doesn’t respect your time and your schedule. 

The wolf can wear sheep clothes, so you will not recognize him always at first sight. Sometimes he could be impostor, man with experience who just want to enter into your good family, for own purpose. You will see his real face later, between four walls. He can make huge compliments in publicity, but he can slap you in your private space.

When you fall in love in hooligan, you can’t bring him into your level. You can pretend that you are on his level, to explain to him basic values. Be close with him in a way as you are playing computer games. Sometimes, guy is innocent, and he doesn’t know that his actions can hurt you. You can’t change him, but maybe you can find common language with him so he will wish to do something for you.