Where is conflict zone in common life?

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Even most compatible couples will have conflicts. Small fights and discussions are part of life, especially when you share your space with someone. Who can handle years of life in common without arguments? Every conflict is indeed test for couples.

Small conflicts are constructive. You will say what is bothering you, he will say his opinion and you can met on half way. Also it can make your relation spicy and more exciting. You are fighting, soon you will kiss and make love with him. Sounds like in romantic movie.

What are most often subjects of conflicts between couples?

His or her parents. You can’t stand his annoying mother, she brings lunch every time she visit you, like you don’t have idea about cooking. Last time, when she went, you throw her meal into garbage. He can’t stand your bossy father, this man knows the best about everything, from football until how to paint wall.

Sex. You have headache, he is horny. He is busy, and you want to make love. How to find common language between sheets?

House work. Who will wash dishes, and who will make lunch? Why your man is so untidy, that you jump over his socks and shirts which are on the floor? Why your woman use bathroom as space for her makeover? When she will cook something tasty?

Friends. You don’t like her best friend. That woman is barking as dog. She come to drink cup of coffee and you must watch and listen her gossips whole afternoon. You don’t like his pals too. His friends are drinking buddies, they will drag your husband in striptease club and he will back drunk.

Television. Oh, why he must watch this Hustler every time? Why she is hanging on 24 Kitchen? And that stupid programs about baseball and handball? Who is watching this anyway? He can’t stand Oprah.

Kids. If you have children, you will argue about their behavior and education. Who knows the best? You think you must be gentle and soft with children. He thinks that paddle comes out from paradise. Why not to yell on your daughter? She needs to learn about respect.

Money. If you both earn money, you will pay your bills together. If you don’t have job, you are into problems. Every partner will complain after some time. What, i will work for you and your expenses? No way. I paid this phone bill, to whom are you talking so much? Did you call hot line? I know you called your auntie in Australia. I will not work for your barking on the phone.

Love relation is big complex, and lot of things must work out to be successful. This is like an orchestra. All instruments must sound good. If not, you will have incredible noise, and you will get out. You live with your love, and you can’t work by your own. No, you are not alone when you take decisions. Ask your partner for opinion and make a deal. That will be beautiful melody, you created this together.

Thank you 600 followers

Licking black cat

 

Before i continue with new posts, i wish to say thanks to my followers. Thanks for your attention, comments, suggestion and inspiration.

I am not typical blogger, i don’t write kind of diary as ” i had this for breakfast” cause i am not Beyonce that someone would be interested for that. I write stories from my experience and always protect my sources. Also, i don’t like when someone put link under my blog, i will always moderate this because i think promotion is good only when is allowed. If i want to follow your blog, i will do it by myself, i don’t need push button. Also i never put my links on other blogs, unless is theme about promoting blogs.

I like constructive comments, critics, also i comment under blogs which got my attention. Here are wonderful bloggers, it is also inspirational sourcing for me, cause i can learn a lot from other bloggers, especially cause English is not my mother tongue and i do mistakes in spelling or grammar. What i would never do, to hire professional translator. That would not be me. Also i am not expert for psychology and i would never interfere into professional area, to give some expert advices. My profession is law and i have rich life experience, so what i write, i write from my heart.

I hope my number of followers will increase more with time, and i wish you great inspiration on this start of new week.

Is it possible to change man’s nature?

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I wish he stops drinking. I wish he stops staring at another women. I wish he stops smoking. I wish he is different.

Since childhood woman has vision about her man. He should be handsome, kind, rich, smart ? He should be wild and brave, her hero? Reality faces us with different men, and many of them will not fit into our standards. What if you wished hero who will stand at your side, and he is a chicken? What if you dreamed about faithful guy, and he is so flirty that you can’t handle this?

We women wish to have magic stick to correct failures in some men, to fit them accord our wishes , but it is not real. Even if you manage to change guy for a while, will you like him then? Maybe this change won’t fit him, as some clothes won’t fit to you, or he will stop to be your challenge?

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What kind of guys are candidates for woman’s frustrations?

Playboys.

Drinkers.

Immature men with Peter Pan syndrome.

Mama’s boys.

Skimpy guys.

Women wish to believe in some myths how certain man can change. Women love to hear stories about guy on emotional rehab, who was big fucker and suddenly he settled down. So, while some women will be fascinated with changes, others will be sad because they did not manage to do this in their time and competition won.

For example, X guy said:

“I knew she was the right one because i was stop drinking with her. “

The same X talked many years the same story:

“I am not for serious relation. I am fucker. “

Women will wrongly think that they can change men , but real truth lays in man’s character. Ladies, he will not change because you told him, he will change when he wish and when circumstances ask this from him.

Man Y was bad mannered, he was fucking girls in basement and left many broken hearts. When he got married with local rich girl, he wanted to capture her father’s affection so he started to read, go to courses to learn foreign language and this change was unbelievable for everyone who knew him.

Another point lays in opposite psychology. Ladies, man will not change because you told him, and when you force him or beg him, he will do opposite and things will get worse. Instead of pressure you put him, make opposite. Let him to do what he wish until he face it with own bad habits .

Man Q was smoker and his girlfriend wanted from him to quit this bad habit. He was hiding in front of her, but when she was not there, he was smoking again. Once his girlfriend saw him from her car, he was walking with cigarette in mouth. She said him: “I am leaving you, you lie to me”, and that relation was over because Q did not want to be her slave.

On other hand, man W had lot of flirts, his eyes was always staring in women . His girlfriend was angry and desperate, but then she decided to stay calm. They were at party together, she let him to talk with women, she pretend that she is not mad at all. She let him to kiss her friend into cheek, to give them compliments. When she started to do the same with her male friends, man W changed his focus. He kept asking “who is he, and what is he to you”, and his girlfriend enjoyed in this situation. Soon man W became more careful and gentle to her, because he was afraid to lose so patient woman.

Ladies, your man is investment. You need to invest in  him, your time, your patience, your wisdom. Sometimes is good to be silent and close eyes on his mistakes. Next time you will have joker in your hands. Persuade him that you are worthy of change, that you understand him. Then, when he shows cooperation with your wishes, change direction. Tell him that he made you happy with his change. Then do something for him. Make him happy with your change, prove him that you will not nag for every tiny reason, that you will not yell if he doesn’t wash dishes every day and that you will watch with him his favorite sport channel.

Change is indeed exchange. You wish he change for you? Good, give him reason why.

 

Toxic atmosphere at work – how to avoid this?

While i was walking at lunch pause, i got compliment. Secretary from my workplace said to me that i have awesome stockings. Few days before my other colleague said to me that my skirt is cool. Today i meet alive with colleague who is my e-mail business contact, we cooperate in some project but we never introduce each other. She says, it was my pleasure.

Small things as professional kindness and courtesy are necessary to make working atmosphere better. We are humans, not robots, and it is not the same when you work in heat , toxic atmosphere or when you can communicate at normal level.

Sometimes, workplace is a jungle. I was working with Smoker, Pervert and Numb woman. I wrote this nicknames because this reveals all about their personality. It was hard time for me.

Smoker is a woman. She would kill for cigarette and we had lot of conflict about her smoking in office. I was choking in her smoke, and i was constantly complaining to stop with this. She bought electronic cigarette but only for few days, later was all as before. The only solution was that we sit in separate rooms.

Pervert is a man. His stories about size of my bra and my “fucking ” body were so unpleasant to me. He was sometimes drunk and it makes story even worse.

Numb woman is my present office mate. We did not talk about a year. She is as snake, just watching and waiting her opportunity to do something sneaky.

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Now, what we can do to make working atmosphere less toxic?

Share your meal with colleague. 

Make some compliments about hair , clothes or anything else.

Ask advice about your work. This cuddles ego.

Walk on lunch break with your colleague to share some stories.

Borrow things as lipstick and perfume. If you go on business meeting sometimes you have no makeup and this small things can help you.

Borrow tampon during period. Yes, it happened to me at work, i got period and my colleague give me tampon.

Tell colleague if you don’t feel well. Someone has pill or chocolate, or he will bring you coffee.

Don’t gossip. Stories are spreading fast at workplace. If gossip is your hobby, be aware that you will be subject too.

Try to be fair when you share room with colleague. If you yell, laugh loud or talk on phone loud and your colleague has important task, you are selfish. 

Deal with colleague about air condition, heat or open or closed windows. This small things can cause big confrontations. Someone is sweating, someone is getting cold so habits and needs are different.

Don’t dig at  your colleague’s computer. Respect privacy.

If your colleague is not married, or other sexual orientation than yours, don’t be an asshole. Be tolerant.

Workplace might be jungle and tigers are ready to tear you. You can show tolerance, but also you will be sometimes forced to show teeth.

If you did all to make peace, and nothing’s work, make report to bosses and ethic departments.  Some cases are pure mobbing and it is another story.

 

 

 

What happens during marriage crises?

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Marriage is holy connection with partner, insurance of your love. This person belongs too you and ring is symbol of dedication. What happens when this ring doesn’t mean nothing and when signature on formal papers is just a formal letter, without worthiness?

Young Croatian tennis player Donna Vekić recently became subject of gossips. Accord press, she is guilty for broken marriage . She is new girlfriend of Stanislas Wawrinka, 30 years old  swiss tennis player.

His marriage came to the end and now many blame young and pretty Donna, that she is the main causer of disaster.

Typical opinion of moral policy is against woman in this triangle. Many will pull trigger on Donna, because she is 18 and she should not involve with married man. How many will blame Stanislas , who declared divorce from 10 year older wife? His explanation is, he wants to be free again.

Married men pass through crises.

It  happens on next ways:

He wants to go out with friends more often.

He wants space for himself.

He would like to meet new women.

He wish to divorce, because he wants to be free again.

It is easy to judge young girl, when it comes to disaster. His wife is older 10 years than him, and now he meets beautiful young girl. That girl is inexperienced and life is maybe only game for her, but shall we hang her because she was in the middle of marriage disaster? This is hypocrisy of society, to blame woman for all. It takes two for dance, so nobody forced this guy to hangout with Donna. She could give him signs and seduce him, but if he truly loved his wife, her odds would not be good. He would maybe use her for one night stand and make it secret. That is how some men do, when they want everything, good wife and hot mistress. 

It is not possible to be free as single man if you are in marriage. You took some responsibility and obligations. Married man who is dating with other women is just a jerk. Sooner or later someone will see him and then it will be beginning of the end. Wife will blame other women, because that is easier. You can’t kill bitch because she is younger, more slim or more pretty than you are. You must ask yourself, why your husband lost interest for you? Is there anything to keep you together in this marriage?

Even you have ring on your finger, it could be on fire when you reveal that your husband is prince charming for some other girls. You can slap her or spit on her, but husband will escape anyway, if there was nothing left to keep you together more.

Love birds at workplace

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Love doesn’t pick time and place. You can fall in love everywhere and anytime. People will tell the funniest stories about how they met and where they fall in love. Love is blind because romantic arrows will hit you in unpleasant time or in inappropriate place. 

One of places which is not recommended as love oasis is workplace. Don’t shit where you eat, it could be related to this. Melinda fall in love in his boss and even worse, she shared office with him. He was married and she felt as schoolgirl at first date. She was blushing every time when he gave her compliment, and her behavior was so clumsy. So she forgot to do calls to some important people, her files were messy and nobody was fascinated with her. They never realize relation, even sparks were visible. Her boss said that they work together and that is against rules. Some private companies will even have internal law about love relation between colleagues. It will be forbidden, for the sake of business. It is understandable, because workplace is not zoo, that two people can jump around and pinch each other whenever they like. They would look as monkeys.

Let’s see some side effect when you realize relation at workplace.

Boredom. If you spend time with your soulmate at work and then out of work, this is big potential for conflicts. 

Jealousy. Every other woman at work is possible threat to your relation, you can see this with different eyes. If he involved with you, why he could not flirt with others too?

Bad results. Your relation could be as roller coaster, full of ups and downs. Work will suffer and it will affect to your business success.

Gossips. You will not care what others think, but if you get promotion, people will not say that you deserve that. They will say that your skills in bed are amazing and that your boss promoted you because of this.

In extreme cases, you can be fired . You may have conflict with your lover and if he is able to do vengeance, when you break up, he will use this as reason against you. Two flies with one hit, you will lose him and job. 

Relation at work are not rarity. Stressful atmosphere will bring sparks and people become horny. 


When two colleagues are too close, when they have common language which is understandable only to them, you can bet on affair. Body language is also good proof. They hug each other too often and they exchange too much tenderness. 

Everyone knew when Josephine fall in love in new man at work. Craig was so charming and they were all the time together, their lunch pause was extended only for them. Everyone who wanted to join to them had feeling that he is disturbing to love birds. Soon they declared their relation, but Josephine got new business offer. They dealt that it will be better to separate their job from romance.

Imagine scene when you spend hot night with your colleague from work. Next morning you are coming at work and he is waiting in office with cup of coffee in his hand. Sounds perfect? Then, you wish to cuddle with him in office chair, but phone is ringing or nervous clients are behind your door. You are going to toilet, and he grabs your butt, while someone is looking at you. Maybe is cool at first sight, but later it will be unpleasant for both. If you disagree about project with him, he will not get your ideas serious. He will ask you did you like what he did to you last night or you wish to try something different. 

It is different when you start common business with your partner. Then you know each other very well because you share life with him. But, if you meet man of your life at work, that is situation where you hold rose with thorn. Squeeze it too tight and you will bleed.

Are you social clown?

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Life is boring without jokes, but if people don’t take you seriously most the time, you are in trouble. Imagine that you want to marry for your boyfriend and he makes jokes about it. Imagine that you wish to progress at work and your boss smile into your face. When you are clown for publicity, this is the biggest insult. We are not all equal, so some of us are by nature accepted, as people who deserve honor and trust. But , what if you are not so favorite, if you must work hard that people accept you, or if you constantly lay on the floor , until others are picking fruits?

Life is big cake. Everyone wish the biggest slice but results are different. Some people will always pick crumbs, they will sit and wait in the corner, until others are collecting cream on the top of this cake and smile to those who did not manage this. Do you wish to return them favor, to smile back?

Maybe you still don’t understand that others consider you as clown.

Here are signs, if your answer is yes, you are clown in this society.

Do you forgive too easily?

Do you repeat the same mistakes again and again?

Do you let the same persons to hurt you , even you had a chance to fight back?

Is it hard for you to cut off broken relations or friendships?

Did you break up with the same partner many times?

It is basic that actions are louder than words. You can talk and talk, you can try to persuade others that they hurt you or made you miserable, but until your actions talk opposite, they will not listen you at all. For example, Monica was always quiet when her boss asked her to work overtime. She would say yes, but inside of her was rebellion. Then she tried to make an excuses why she can’t stay more than regular work time, but her boss always found a way to win in this discussion. One day Monica simply left, without words. Next day, when her boss asked her what happened, she said that she can’t do this anymore, if her salary will not be bigger. So her position was better since that moment.

In general, people don’t like long explanations.

If you want that others take you as serious person, do next:

Stop to apologize and stop to forgive.

Cut off all relations which interrupt your good sleep or peace.

Find new occupation or new hobbies. 

Talk short when person who hurts you try to approach you. Save your time and nerves.

Life is kind of circus. When people see clown, first impression is smile. When clown starts to cry, people will smile anyway, because this is clown. So don’t be a person in clown suit. First you must to get rid of this role, then people will get you serious.

When champions play dirty

What would you do for your success? Would you betray friend, walk over corpse or just make someone ashamed? If you humiliate someone who is more rated than you, people will finally look at you, isn’t it? If you throw egg into face of famous politician, you will warn others that something is not alright, but it depends how they will react on this.

Copa America is famous football championship in Latin America. The most interesting football match was between Chile and Uruguay. Both teams were successful in World championship in Brazil 2014. Edinson Cavanni, player from Uruguay, was good goal maker there, together with Louis Suarez. So Uruguay had good odds to go further and won Copa America. But, Gonzalo Jara had another plan. 

Footbal is a long time ago more than game with ball. There are strategies, psychological games, racism and many politicians poke nose in choice of players. Referee is also key of game, if he is unfair, he can spoil every joy. Remember Japanese referee Nishimura from football match Croatia – Brazil, where he made huge mistake with penalty which was not existed. So, during football match Chile – Uruguay, Gonzalo Jara played his game. He put finger in ass of Edinson Cavani to provoke him. How will real man react? Of course, with slap in face. Cavani slapped Gonzalo Yara and got red card. Also, Jara provoked Cavanni with sentence about his father, who made unlucky accident where young man died in car crash. It was dirty move, but Uruguay lost this match. So, part of plan was successful. After match, newspaper wrote about this, and Gonzalo Jara got his punishment, he got exit from competition. Simply, he was kicked out from Copa America. Gonzalo Jara was remembered as killer of sport. This story got name as story about God’s finger. 

His action reminds me on naughty mistress who wish to ruin marriage. She loves man who is married and she smash face of his wife. Man stays with his wife and left mistress forever. 

What is a price of dirty game?

When you go to ruin someone, dig two graves. One is for you.

Be ready for disapproval of your actions.

Be ready for punishment.

Think about that you can lose everything.

Think about how strong is your opponent. 

Authority laughs the last

Discipline is key of respect, or an opposite. Boss can’t gain respect between his coworkers without their discipline. His authority rock on when his people laugh to him, pity him or consider him as friend. If you are football coach, things are more complicated, because your submissive people might be stars. National football coach will face it such challenge : how to make discipline between famous football stars?

Croatian coach Ante Čačić faced with troubles in the moment when his defender Dejan Lovren rejected to play for national team in Euro championship. He explained this with one sentence : “I don’t want to play for Croatian team until Ante Čačić is coach. ” Dejan Lovren plays for Liverpool and he is one of famous footballers, familiar as hot tempered. He has quality and he plays on spot  of left defender, which is issue for team , because a long time ago Croatian coach can’t find properly player. Dejan Lovren was main candidate for that place, and it was almost finished decision. In friendly match against Hungary, coach Čačić did not give him a chance to play, he did not entered during match. It made him furious and he gave statement for press, that he will not play under Čačić authority .

Publicity was divided. People who stand on Lovren side claimed that we will be damaged without him in team. People who supported Čačić had arguments that he is a coach, and he must listen him. 

What i think? As much everyone has free will, world can’t exist without authorities. If we let everyone to do what he wish, we are in anarchy. If we accept that all kind of bosses order to us, we are under dictator ‘s boot. We need leaders, we need some tips , especially if our task is team’s work. Someone must lead team, as we have captain for ship, we must find coach for football. Every player who loves his team must sacrifice his ego. Lovren is football star, but he is not the only one. He gave bad example, because others can ask their rights too, to pick who will play, when will play and how will play. 

If you ever experienced to be boss, you know that is not simple task. How to persuade people to follow your tips? You must give them something to respect you. If they don’t respect you, show them paddle. Dejan Lovren will watch football on television, instead to play for his team, because he wanted to feed his ego. 

 We must risk no matter what , because football is game for team. In the year 1998 football player Igor Cvitanović missed EURO championship. He had conflict with coach Ćiro Blažević. Romario, big football star also missed one championship because he did not listen coach. 

Discipline asks sacrifice. Sometimes, we will not bring the most fair decisions, and we will not deal with best people. What is important, we will deal with self confidence and authority. If you are boss, stand behind your attitude, and show others why you stand for this. That is what Ante Čačić did, no matter about publicity who thrown eggs on him, he said “Lovren is playing good, but others are playing too. “

Did you drink your own poison?

When i got angry, i use harsh words. I swear and yell. That is my reaction on injustice. Later, when i calm down, i read my messages and i wonder myself should i react different, more calmer or sophisticated. What is that telling about me? That i can’t control myself. That i exaggerated with my reactions and shown my weakness.

There are things on which i am especially sensitive, my honor, my family and my dignity. I don’t like betrayal too.  By showing my anger, i want to show indeed that someone took wrong actions. 

Some collateral victims fall, people who stand in the middle of my conflict. Friend of friends will  sometimes took sides and result is  their loss if they did not support me. Then i think, how i defeated myself by my reactions?

I turn back this movie in my head, and i think how stupid i was, should i keep my people around me in this personal war, instead of emotional blackmail?

Few things in learn , how person might defeat herself.

Don’t shot yourself with own bullets in this case:

Don’t order people to choose side.

Don’t tell people what they should think.

Don’t blame people because they did not involve in your conflict.

Don’t play on their loyalty, if they are loyal they will act by themselves.

Wise rival will win in personal conflict by standing in corner. This is sneaky player who will watch in silence and then do actions. When i used this strategy, my results were much better. Let the river flow situation was indeed on my side. I let person to insult me and to show others real face. Then i put smile and walk with head up. 

Our reactions talk about us more than we think. We drink sometimes our own poison even we are not aware of this. Someone pisses you of and you want to kill him. Killing time needs appropriate weapon. Pick time and place. Think about arguments. Think what could make you damage, what you can lose. 

People will stand by side of positive person. Someone who inspires you, motivate and bring you joy deserve your support. Person who drag you into her conflict is not desirable friend. We all pick our battles, and we must have right of choice where to involve and when.