couples · depression · erotica · flirt · prejudices · psychology · relations · responsibility

What happens in undefined relation?

Cda-ULeXEAA9o60

“I don’t know what i feel. ” “My feelings are mixed. ”  This kind of answers you will get when you fall in love in guy who is not into you. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, he is just not in the same level as you expected.

When you crush in someone, your heart will give you wrong view, because everything he said or do you can understand as sign. He touched your shoulder and you think he wants you. He was kind with you and you think he cares about you. Unfortunately, love is not always fair, and sometimes we will fall in love in someone who is not able to give love back, because he simply doesn’t feel the same.

What kind of options you can expect in this situation?

He doesn’t like you at all, but he will reject you on gentle way.

 

He likes you, but as friend.

 

He wants to make love with you, but he doesn’t want relation.

I know women very well, and we all want to change men, to be the last love of some men. We believe that our situation can change if we play well. So if he calls you friend, this is indeed something, because many friendships turn into love. For example, Jadda Pinkett and Will Smith started as friends, they were long time friends and later their relation became love.

Here you must be an expert lady and if you ask golden piece in this bunch of stones, act slowly.

Some signs will help you to see do you have chance for something more than friendship.

He has no girlfriend, and every his relation broke, but you are still here as friend.

He spent much time in your company, and ask your opinion about everything.

He said some compliments about your clothes, body or face.

He is jealous on your male friends.

He asks you about your past and he is jealous on former boyfriends.

You have arguments with him, you both insulted each other, but he is still talking with you even you give him hard time.

If you see some of these signs, go in action, seduce him, because love is not fair game and this is lottery, but worthy of risk. You can lose friend, but if you love him and he doesn’t want to be with you , loss is here anyway. For sure you will not feel better if he doesn’t know about your feelings and suddenly some girl take your place.

Another part of this story is different. Some men are not fair players. They will not define their feelings, or they will call you friend, but with first opportunity they will ask sex from you.

Here, don’t let him to cross this line.

If you are in undefined relation, make some rules and remind him that he wanted this kind of game.

Don’t make love with him.

You can spend time with other guys, without asking his permission.

Don’t sacrifice your free time and favorite activities to listen his problems. He doesn’t deserve that.

If you are still not sure what is undefined relations, my male friend said to me this : “I found girl and we are not declared relation yet. We are dating three times at week, and meanwhile i got numbers from other girls. I am not ready yet.” Who can blame him, for game takes two.

Girls, if you doubt in nature of your friend/boyfriend, ask some confident male friend what he thinks about this. Men know the best other men and sometimes you will hear cruel truth from their mouth, because women are too romantic and sensitive to see things clear.

anxiety · character · fantasy · freedom · rebellion · responsibility · society

Who are social martyrs?

Life meals are sometimes bitter. It is not that everything is sweet as milk and honey. If you raised in happy family maybe life spared you from miserable moments, but the grudge will wait you later. Humans are on this world to taste fish oil because this is indicator of their firmness. Pain and sadness are not welcome guests, but some people will represent themselves as born to be unhappy. In some sick way, they enjoy to be martyrs, because this is the way to keep attention.

Do you know someone who is big martyr? Colleague from work, mother in law, your dear friend or even wife?

Typical day of every martyr starts like this:

I must wash laundry because nobody will help me. I must cook lunch because my family will be hungry and they will yell on me. I must stay overtime at work because i will get fired if i don’t do this. I can’t watch my soap opera because my husband is watching football. I must make dinner for my guests because i owe them, last time me and husband were invited in their house. What they will think of me if i don’t invite them for return?”

 

In the eyes of martyr everything is black. Life is one big pain and martyr is stigmatized person who must do all bad jobs, because others expect this from him. Everyone must give confession to martyr, that he is the person who were walking on thorns with his first steps.

What kind of problems martyr never solves?

Martyr is person in bad relation. He knows this, but he stays there anyway.

Martyr is woman who never get marry because she is afraid to get out from status quo situation.

Martyr is person who stays at bad work until retirement because everyone feels sorry for him and this is his kind of feed for soul.

Martyr is son who lives with his mother because he is not able to find a job and pay own flat.

Martyr is mother who cook meals and wash laundry for her adult kids because they could not do it alone.

Jade is woman with health problems. She takes pills , painkillers , because her pains in back are unbearable. She doesn’t want to go to private doctor because she needs money for other things. She doesn’t talk with her sister and brother for a 10 years, because they took her big part of family inheritance. She never forgive them how they acted at court when her father died. She is not without friends and people wish to help her, but she rejects every favor, because she doesn’t want to be treated as poor woman. But, when someone ask her about her life, she used to say : ” Everyone abandoned me. I don’t have any help from people. They avoid me because i am old and poor. ”

Martyr is kind of manipulator.

How does it happens?

Martyr use 4 kind of deadly weapons:

Guilt.  

Conscience.

Condolence.

Empathy. 

If you don’t help martyr, you will feel guilty. If you feel guilty, your conscience will warn you and you will not sleep well. Then you start to feel condolence and your sense for empathy is awake.

That is how Helen did. She was old nasty widow. She had many people who were indeed her servants. One man brought her things from shopping mall every day. Other servant was woman who cooked her meals, for small money. The next was woman who was drinking whiskey with her and listened her problems, to make her company. Helen was nasty, but nobody complained, because she was old and helpless widow. That was her ticket for paradise, to be blessed as martyr. Once someone rejected to help her, and Helen said: “How can you be so cruel to old and weak lady as me? ”

When someone acts as martyr, that is lack of self-respect . Also that shows laziness and conformism. Person will lean on others even she marked others as culprits. If you live with helpless mother in law or you work with colleague who never finish his work and you must to it for him , you share life with martyr. In this case you are servant, and they are masters. Read between lines when your colleague ask you to help him with unfinished task. ” Help me, you know how to do this”, indeed means ” I don’t want to do it alone because you will do it instead of me. “

patience · phobia · prejudices · psychology · rebellion · responsibility · society

Why i don’t like Monday?

 

In year 1979 , at Cleveland Elementary School in San Diego, Brenda Ann Spencer was shooting and killed two people. Eight were injured in this terrible event, and when police ask her why she did it, she replied :”I don’t like Mondays. ” She was only 16 and she surrended immediately , without resistance. She inspired Bob Geldof to write song “Why i don’t like Monday”, and Boomtown Rats made music, so it was favourite song on top lists, as reminder on this terrible crime.

Monday phenomenon is not an exception, because many of us will say “i hate Monday.” No matter if you get up early for school, or you are travelling on the road to your job, you will notice traffic jam or crowd and it will upset you, especially because you realized that weekend is over. Our body and mind are in shock, because after relaxing we must back to reality and daily obligations. You will not shoot nobody, but you will be furious , nervous and frustrated.

It is not recommended that you have exam or business meeting in Monday morning. Your mind is still sleepy and even bunch of coffee cups will not help you. Remember how many times you did not sleep well at Sunday, because tomorrow is damn Monday and your duties are waiting for you.

Accord this statistic, mostly car accidents, 1072 happen between Sunday and Monday, at midnight and 3 a.m.

Results from researching in Hong Kong, from 1989-2001 shown that Monday is suicide day. 22% of suicides were committed at Monday. They made conclusion, suicides happens because of family arguments, which started at weekend and continued in Monday.

Why is Monday such notorious day ?

You realise that your problems start again, even you may forgot it at weekends.

If you delayed something, Monday will remind you on deadline.

If you started diet and broke your rules at weekend, you must start again from Monday.

You are unsleepy after party nights with lot of alcohol.

Your vacation is over and you must back to work.

 

Monday is indeed cut from fantasies and return to reality. This day is useful as alert. Brenda Ann Spencer made terrible action to pull attention on herself.

Did she choose Monday randomly or with purpose? We can guess.

anxiety · crime · drama · prejudices · psychology · responsibility · rules

How publicity rape victim second time?

Topic about raping is always sensitive area. Partly, people will judge abuser, but victim will not stay untouched too. Some will wonder, did victim provoke attack? What she wore? Why she was drinking? How she behaved? Some will wonder about manipulation, and others will pity naive person.

This is one example how things went wrong. Place of event: city Zadar. Persons: five guys, one girl. All are young and they still going to high school.  Young girl were raped on the beach, since late evening until early morning. She was drunk and her memory was empty.  Her body was wounded and her mother reported this event another day.

The victim said she did not know all that guys, they just met at party, while she was drunk and vomit, so they offered taxi to drive her home. Instead of safe way home, she was raped.

Not all is so simple. When woman is raped, she will fight, bite, scratch man who force her for sex. That girl did not remember at all. Young guys used opportunity, when she was totally drunk to use her. New Criminal law in Croatia consider this criminal act as sex without acceptance. That means, if victim change her mind during sex, that is denial. Punishment for this criminal act is easier than for rape. Also, young guys were not convicted before, this is their first criminal act.

What happens if woman is not able to say no? 

For sure, it doesn’t mean acceptance. No matter, if woman is drunk, numb or retarded, if she is not able to say yes, if she is under pills or drugs, this is force. Young guys understood this as part of wild, sick game and they used opportunity. They were competition, who will do “work” on better way. Like in movie with Jodie Foster “The accused”. That girl was alone, unprotected, she wanted to have fun and she got horror story.

Now, she is exposed to be victim one more time. Court trials are painful, every law rule has hole, and no matter what will happen with this guys, she will be damaged to the rest of her life. It was bad fate or she was not careful?  Maybe her parents did not take care enough? Consequences are here, no matter what caused that event.

Law is here to protect us, police is here to make law rules real, parents are here to educate us, but we must think about our acts at first.

The point of this story is, nobody can take care of you enough if you don’t take care of yourself. You know your environment and places which are notorious on some way, you know that is not safe to walk alone in the middle of the night.

Nobody said that you are completely safe if you have boyfriend or if you don’t go out tonight, but by logic, chances to be in danger are smaller if you are not alone. It is like in jungle, lion will stalk fove when she walks alone in free space. After that lion will tear weak animal on pieces.

That is what that guys did, they drag this girl alone in the car. The rest was history. Consequences will stay even it supposed to be just one night for party.

couples · drama · egoism · freedom · internet · passion · relations · responsibility

Where is conflict zone in common life?

1505631_1524640371174178_2861512342787380032_n

Even most compatible couples will have conflicts. Small fights and discussions are part of life, especially when you share your space with someone. Who can handle years of life in common without arguments? Every conflict is indeed test for couples.

Small conflicts are constructive. You will say what is bothering you, he will say his opinion and you can met on half way. Also it can make your relation spicy and more exciting. You are fighting, soon you will kiss and make love with him. Sounds like in romantic movie.

What are most often subjects of conflicts between couples?

His or her parents. You can’t stand his annoying mother, she brings lunch every time she visit you, like you don’t have idea about cooking. Last time, when she went, you throw her meal into garbage. He can’t stand your bossy father, this man knows the best about everything, from football until how to paint wall.

Sex. You have headache, he is horny. He is busy, and you want to make love. How to find common language between sheets?

House work. Who will wash dishes, and who will make lunch? Why your man is so untidy, that you jump over his socks and shirts which are on the floor? Why your woman use bathroom as space for her makeover? When she will cook something tasty?

Friends. You don’t like her best friend. That woman is barking as dog. She come to drink cup of coffee and you must watch and listen her gossips whole afternoon. You don’t like his pals too. His friends are drinking buddies, they will drag your husband in striptease club and he will back drunk.

Television. Oh, why he must watch this Hustler every time? Why she is hanging on 24 Kitchen? And that stupid programs about baseball and handball? Who is watching this anyway? He can’t stand Oprah.

Kids. If you have children, you will argue about their behavior and education. Who knows the best? You think you must be gentle and soft with children. He thinks that paddle comes out from paradise. Why not to yell on your daughter? She needs to learn about respect.

Money. If you both earn money, you will pay your bills together. If you don’t have job, you are into problems. Every partner will complain after some time. What, i will work for you and your expenses? No way. I paid this phone bill, to whom are you talking so much? Did you call hot line? I know you called your auntie in Australia. I will not work for your barking on the phone.

Love relation is big complex, and lot of things must work out to be successful. This is like an orchestra. All instruments must sound good. If not, you will have incredible noise, and you will get out. You live with your love, and you can’t work by your own. No, you are not alone when you take decisions. Ask your partner for opinion and make a deal. That will be beautiful melody, you created this together.

business · career · communication · internet · psychology · relations · responsibility

Thank you 600 followers

Licking black cat

 

Before i continue with new posts, i wish to say thanks to my followers. Thanks for your attention, comments, suggestion and inspiration.

I am not typical blogger, i don’t write kind of diary as ” i had this for breakfast” cause i am not Beyonce that someone would be interested for that. I write stories from my experience and always protect my sources. Also, i don’t like when someone put link under my blog, i will always moderate this because i think promotion is good only when is allowed. If i want to follow your blog, i will do it by myself, i don’t need push button. Also i never put my links on other blogs, unless is theme about promoting blogs.

I like constructive comments, critics, also i comment under blogs which got my attention. Here are wonderful bloggers, it is also inspirational sourcing for me, cause i can learn a lot from other bloggers, especially cause English is not my mother tongue and i do mistakes in spelling or grammar. What i would never do, to hire professional translator. That would not be me. Also i am not expert for psychology and i would never interfere into professional area, to give some expert advices. My profession is law and i have rich life experience, so what i write, i write from my heart.

I hope my number of followers will increase more with time, and i wish you great inspiration on this start of new week.

behavior · character · drama · egoism · psychology · relations · responsibility · romance

Is it possible to change man’s nature?

C9MtwyEWAAAezGl

I wish he stops drinking. I wish he stops staring at another women. I wish he stops smoking. I wish he is different.

Since childhood woman has vision about her man. He should be handsome, kind, rich, smart ? He should be wild and brave, her hero? Reality faces us with different men, and many of them will not fit into our standards. What if you wished hero who will stand at your side, and he is a chicken? What if you dreamed about faithful guy, and he is so flirty that you can’t handle this?

We women wish to have magic stick to correct failures in some men, to fit them accord our wishes , but it is not real. Even if you manage to change guy for a while, will you like him then? Maybe this change won’t fit him, as some clothes won’t fit to you, or he will stop to be your challenge?

C9J-ejfVwAAZFyR.jpg

What kind of guys are candidates for woman’s frustrations?

Playboys.

Drinkers.

Immature men with Peter Pan syndrome.

Mama’s boys.

Skimpy guys.

Women wish to believe in some myths how certain man can change. Women love to hear stories about guy on emotional rehab, who was big fucker and suddenly he settled down. So, while some women will be fascinated with changes, others will be sad because they did not manage to do this in their time and competition won.

For example, X guy said:

“I knew she was the right one because i was stop drinking with her. “

The same X talked many years the same story:

“I am not for serious relation. I am fucker. “

Women will wrongly think that they can change men , but real truth lays in man’s character. Ladies, he will not change because you told him, he will change when he wish and when circumstances ask this from him.

Man Y was bad mannered, he was fucking girls in basement and left many broken hearts. When he got married with local rich girl, he wanted to capture her father’s affection so he started to read, go to courses to learn foreign language and this change was unbelievable for everyone who knew him.

Another point lays in opposite psychology. Ladies, man will not change because you told him, and when you force him or beg him, he will do opposite and things will get worse. Instead of pressure you put him, make opposite. Let him to do what he wish until he face it with own bad habits .

Man Q was smoker and his girlfriend wanted from him to quit this bad habit. He was hiding in front of her, but when she was not there, he was smoking again. Once his girlfriend saw him from her car, he was walking with cigarette in mouth. She said him: “I am leaving you, you lie to me”, and that relation was over because Q did not want to be her slave.

On other hand, man W had lot of flirts, his eyes was always staring in women . His girlfriend was angry and desperate, but then she decided to stay calm. They were at party together, she let him to talk with women, she pretend that she is not mad at all. She let him to kiss her friend into cheek, to give them compliments. When she started to do the same with her male friends, man W changed his focus. He kept asking “who is he, and what is he to you”, and his girlfriend enjoyed in this situation. Soon man W became more careful and gentle to her, because he was afraid to lose so patient woman.

Ladies, your man is investment. You need to invest in  him, your time, your patience, your wisdom. Sometimes is good to be silent and close eyes on his mistakes. Next time you will have joker in your hands. Persuade him that you are worthy of change, that you understand him. Then, when he shows cooperation with your wishes, change direction. Tell him that he made you happy with his change. Then do something for him. Make him happy with your change, prove him that you will not nag for every tiny reason, that you will not yell if he doesn’t wash dishes every day and that you will watch with him his favorite sport channel.

Change is indeed exchange. You wish he change for you? Good, give him reason why.

 

business · career · communication · ego · office · prejudices · psychology · responsibility

Toxic atmosphere at work – how to avoid this?

While i was walking at lunch pause, i got compliment. Secretary from my workplace said to me that i have awesome stockings. Few days before my other colleague said to me that my skirt is cool. Today i meet alive with colleague who is my e-mail business contact, we cooperate in some project but we never introduce each other. She says, it was my pleasure.

Small things as professional kindness and courtesy are necessary to make working atmosphere better. We are humans, not robots, and it is not the same when you work in heat , toxic atmosphere or when you can communicate at normal level.

Sometimes, workplace is a jungle. I was working with Smoker, Pervert and Numb woman. I wrote this nicknames because this reveals all about their personality. It was hard time for me.

Smoker is a woman. She would kill for cigarette and we had lot of conflict about her smoking in office. I was choking in her smoke, and i was constantly complaining to stop with this. She bought electronic cigarette but only for few days, later was all as before. The only solution was that we sit in separate rooms.

Pervert is a man. His stories about size of my bra and my “fucking ” body were so unpleasant to me. He was sometimes drunk and it makes story even worse.

Numb woman is my present office mate. We did not talk about a year. She is as snake, just watching and waiting her opportunity to do something sneaky.

C7UP37aXgAAh4uE

Now, what we can do to make working atmosphere less toxic?

Share your meal with colleague. 

Make some compliments about hair , clothes or anything else.

Ask advice about your work. This cuddles ego.

Walk on lunch break with your colleague to share some stories.

Borrow things as lipstick and perfume. If you go on business meeting sometimes you have no makeup and this small things can help you.

Borrow tampon during period. Yes, it happened to me at work, i got period and my colleague give me tampon.

Tell colleague if you don’t feel well. Someone has pill or chocolate, or he will bring you coffee.

Don’t gossip. Stories are spreading fast at workplace. If gossip is your hobby, be aware that you will be subject too.

Try to be fair when you share room with colleague. If you yell, laugh loud or talk on phone loud and your colleague has important task, you are selfish. 

Deal with colleague about air condition, heat or open or closed windows. This small things can cause big confrontations. Someone is sweating, someone is getting cold so habits and needs are different.

Don’t dig at  your colleague’s computer. Respect privacy.

If your colleague is not married, or other sexual orientation than yours, don’t be an asshole. Be tolerant.

Workplace might be jungle and tigers are ready to tear you. You can show tolerance, but also you will be sometimes forced to show teeth.

If you did all to make peace, and nothing’s work, make report to bosses and ethic departments.  Some cases are pure mobbing and it is another story.

 

 

 

anxiety · character · destiny · energy · marriage · psychology · relations · responsibility

What happens during marriage crises?

266c2-142b-2b12b3

Marriage is holy connection with partner, insurance of your love. This person belongs too you and ring is symbol of dedication. What happens when this ring doesn’t mean nothing and when signature on formal papers is just a formal letter, without worthiness?

Young Croatian tennis player Donna Vekić recently became subject of gossips. Accord press, she is guilty for broken marriage . She is new girlfriend of Stanislas Wawrinka, 30 years old  swiss tennis player.

His marriage came to the end and now many blame young and pretty Donna, that she is the main causer of disaster.

Typical opinion of moral policy is against woman in this triangle. Many will pull trigger on Donna, because she is 18 and she should not involve with married man. How many will blame Stanislas , who declared divorce from 10 year older wife? His explanation is, he wants to be free again.

Married men pass through crises.

It  happens on next ways:

He wants to go out with friends more often.

He wants space for himself.

He would like to meet new women.

He wish to divorce, because he wants to be free again.

It is easy to judge young girl, when it comes to disaster. His wife is older 10 years than him, and now he meets beautiful young girl. That girl is inexperienced and life is maybe only game for her, but shall we hang her because she was in the middle of marriage disaster? This is hypocrisy of society, to blame woman for all. It takes two for dance, so nobody forced this guy to hangout with Donna. She could give him signs and seduce him, but if he truly loved his wife, her odds would not be good. He would maybe use her for one night stand and make it secret. That is how some men do, when they want everything, good wife and hot mistress. 

It is not possible to be free as single man if you are in marriage. You took some responsibility and obligations. Married man who is dating with other women is just a jerk. Sooner or later someone will see him and then it will be beginning of the end. Wife will blame other women, because that is easier. You can’t kill bitch because she is younger, more slim or more pretty than you are. You must ask yourself, why your husband lost interest for you? Is there anything to keep you together in this marriage?

Even you have ring on your finger, it could be on fire when you reveal that your husband is prince charming for some other girls. You can slap her or spit on her, but husband will escape anyway, if there was nothing left to keep you together more.

business · career · money · moral · office · psychology · relations · responsibility · romance

Love birds at workplace

28b7201b22897f7b4bccc050b5d46683-content_medium

Love doesn’t pick time and place. You can fall in love everywhere and anytime. People will tell the funniest stories about how they met and where they fall in love. Love is blind because romantic arrows will hit you in unpleasant time or in inappropriate place. 

One of places which is not recommended as love oasis is workplace. Don’t shit where you eat, it could be related to this. Melinda fall in love in his boss and even worse, she shared office with him. He was married and she felt as schoolgirl at first date. She was blushing every time when he gave her compliment, and her behavior was so clumsy. So she forgot to do calls to some important people, her files were messy and nobody was fascinated with her. They never realize relation, even sparks were visible. Her boss said that they work together and that is against rules. Some private companies will even have internal law about love relation between colleagues. It will be forbidden, for the sake of business. It is understandable, because workplace is not zoo, that two people can jump around and pinch each other whenever they like. They would look as monkeys.

Let’s see some side effect when you realize relation at workplace.

Boredom. If you spend time with your soulmate at work and then out of work, this is big potential for conflicts. 

Jealousy. Every other woman at work is possible threat to your relation, you can see this with different eyes. If he involved with you, why he could not flirt with others too?

Bad results. Your relation could be as roller coaster, full of ups and downs. Work will suffer and it will affect to your business success.

Gossips. You will not care what others think, but if you get promotion, people will not say that you deserve that. They will say that your skills in bed are amazing and that your boss promoted you because of this.

In extreme cases, you can be fired . You may have conflict with your lover and if he is able to do vengeance, when you break up, he will use this as reason against you. Two flies with one hit, you will lose him and job. 

Relation at work are not rarity. Stressful atmosphere will bring sparks and people become horny. 


When two colleagues are too close, when they have common language which is understandable only to them, you can bet on affair. Body language is also good proof. They hug each other too often and they exchange too much tenderness. 

Everyone knew when Josephine fall in love in new man at work. Craig was so charming and they were all the time together, their lunch pause was extended only for them. Everyone who wanted to join to them had feeling that he is disturbing to love birds. Soon they declared their relation, but Josephine got new business offer. They dealt that it will be better to separate their job from romance.

Imagine scene when you spend hot night with your colleague from work. Next morning you are coming at work and he is waiting in office with cup of coffee in his hand. Sounds perfect? Then, you wish to cuddle with him in office chair, but phone is ringing or nervous clients are behind your door. You are going to toilet, and he grabs your butt, while someone is looking at you. Maybe is cool at first sight, but later it will be unpleasant for both. If you disagree about project with him, he will not get your ideas serious. He will ask you did you like what he did to you last night or you wish to try something different. 

It is different when you start common business with your partner. Then you know each other very well because you share life with him. But, if you meet man of your life at work, that is situation where you hold rose with thorn. Squeeze it too tight and you will bleed.