anxiety · crime · drama · prejudices · psychology · responsibility · rules

How publicity rape victim second time?

Topic about raping is always sensitive area. Partly, people will judge abuser, but victim will not stay untouched too. Some will wonder, did victim provoke attack? What she wore? Why she was drinking? How she behaved? Some will wonder about manipulation, and others will pity naive person.

This is one example how things went wrong. Place of event: city Zadar. Persons: five guys, one girl. All are young and they still going to high school.  Young girl were raped on the beach, since late evening until early morning. She was drunk and her memory was empty.  Her body was wounded and her mother reported this event another day.

The victim said she did not know all that guys, they just met at party, while she was drunk and vomit, so they offered taxi to drive her home. Instead of safe way home, she was raped.

Not all is so simple. When woman is raped, she will fight, bite, scratch man who force her for sex. That girl did not remember at all. Young guys used opportunity, when she was totally drunk to use her. New Criminal law in Croatia consider this criminal act as sex without acceptance. That means, if victim change her mind during sex, that is denial. Punishment for this criminal act is easier than for rape. Also, young guys were not convicted before, this is their first criminal act.

What happens if woman is not able to say no? 

For sure, it doesn’t mean acceptance. No matter, if woman is drunk, numb or retarded, if she is not able to say yes, if she is under pills or drugs, this is force. Young guys understood this as part of wild, sick game and they used opportunity. They were competition, who will do “work” on better way. Like in movie with Jodie Foster “The accused”. That girl was alone, unprotected, she wanted to have fun and she got horror story.

Now, she is exposed to be victim one more time. Court trials are painful, every law rule has hole, and no matter what will happen with this guys, she will be damaged to the rest of her life. It was bad fate or she was not careful?  Maybe her parents did not take care enough? Consequences are here, no matter what caused that event.

Law is here to protect us, police is here to make law rules real, parents are here to educate us, but we must think about our acts at first.

The point of this story is, nobody can take care of you enough if you don’t take care of yourself. You know your environment and places which are notorious on some way, you know that is not safe to walk alone in the middle of the night.

Nobody said that you are completely safe if you have boyfriend or if you don’t go out tonight, but by logic, chances to be in danger are smaller if you are not alone. It is like in jungle, lion will stalk fove when she walks alone in free space. After that lion will tear weak animal on pieces.

That is what that guys did, they drag this girl alone in the car. The rest was history. Consequences will stay even it supposed to be just one night for party.

business · career · illusion · lesson · psychology · responsibility · rules · society

Bureaucracy is not dead yet

Hans Christian Andersen wrote story “Emperor’s new clothes”, about emperor who hired two contractors for his new clothes and they deceived him. They stole money for some materials which were invisible accord them, and they convince emperor that his new clothes is created only for him, but on different way. The emperor was indeed naked because they did not give him nothing. When he walked nude in publicity , nobody from the crowd had no courage to tell that he is indeed naked, just little child said the truth.

This emperor was not good man, worthy of sorrow. He spend all money for his pleasures, and people in his country were poor and hungry. Still they adored him and they looked at world from his eyes, until little child did not stop this illusion.

Situation did not changed much nowadays. Even humanity passed into different society systems, from feudalism into socialism, communism and capitalism , some things stayed the same.

If one country needs adjustment time between two systems, situation is even worse. Like Frankenstein who created monster, in this countries monster will be mixed with different values from few systems.

Look at job in civil services in Croatia.  There are remains of bureaucracy, we can see touch of Tito even he is not alive already 34 years. On one side, authorities in civil services will behave as pupils of Staljin, and from other hand, they will ask discipline and IT knowledge from capitalism. So we can see poor people who don’t know IT skills, even basic as copy paste button, but they will have responsibility to lead whole department.

One day, in one Croatian firm, Vesna called on the phone. She was in panic. Vesna is boss of the department and she doesn’t know what to do because she pressed insert button and she can’t type normally on keyboard. Other problem was option track change, she did not know how to use this to make changes in her document. She called her good friend Antonija, who worked in the same workplace.

I will not help you anymore dear. This is shame. You are boss, you need to learn something about computers. Someone will laugh to you.

Next case reminds on iron fist of Staljin. Melita had fever and she called her boss in Monday to notify her that she is sick.

What? You need to give me password of your computer. Do you hear me? How you can’t come today? We have deadline.

Her boss Slavica was in panic, she did not ask Melita how she feels. She was yelling as lunatic. She treated Melita as she is cow on the farm who did not give much milk.

Times are changing, but some people are not ready. As monster of Frankenstein, they will walk confused and do big damage in their business structures. 

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What is worse, weak people will obey to authorities. 

This time Melita said that empress is naked. She went to higher boss and said about her treatment. Even Slavica was rude, she pretended kindness, like emperor who was nude, but he faked that he wears special clothes.

Slavica was boss on department and some people afraid of her, they did all accord her orders, even she made mistakes. But they were not here to think with own brains. They were here to repeat and write what Slavica said. Melita was black sheep so she expose her in front of others.

Until people will obey to authorities, there is no progress. Someone must give orders, but not closed minded people as Vesna and Slavica. They are side effect of communism. They are bureaucracy, small minded and limited women. They watch on other people as numbers, and their knowledge stopped in time when they finished university, in ex Yugoslavia.

Tito died, but his ideas survived in some areas, as evil remains with resistant roots.

business · career · manners · money · moral · psychology · responsibility · rules

7 bad habits at workplace

 

When you hold key of your privacy, lock the door. In these modern times, when “Big Brother” and bunch of reality shows rape our privacy, real art is how to hide your intimacy from unwanted trespass. One of the most dangerous area is workplace. Have you ever experienced, that you bring your job into home, and your private life at work? Maybe you are not aware of this, but if your colleagues became your therapists and your boss your shrink, you are already there.

Job interview starts with question about your marital status, but employees will ask do you have kids, or are you planning family. This is already red area, and you are not obligated to talk about your future plans. Private firms will try to expand their views about you, if you are serious candidate. You are woman, and you might have plans about kids for one year? They wish to know, how much you will be present and focused at work. I understand them, but person is on the way to turn into robot. Official phones, laptops and tablets for work at home, boss obsessed with work, and you are in trap. Your privacy died without announcement.

I was witness what kind of things people do at office, during years. 

That habits should stay at home.

Woman is washing teeth in office sink, while others are waiting in line.

Woman is washing plate , she uses toilet as dish washer.

Man is eating smelly sausage for lunch, on the office desk.

Woman is on the phone. She talk loud with her gynecologist, about her daughter who is virgin.

Woman made little garden in the floor. This vegetables grow in the office.

Man put photo of his favorite politician leader, on the office wall. 

Woman hides bottle of vodka in wardrobe. 

Story about Ingrid was on the top in office circles. Her dog was very sick. He had surgery and his days were counted. Ingrid did not want to take free days, but she was walking around and crying. She could not talk with clients and about a month she was unusable. 

Bosses could be busybodies, but you can limit their access to your privacy.

When your phone is ringing, and they ask who is, it is your personal thing if you use private cellphone.

If you get fat and boss ask are you pregnant, that is not suitable question.

What you do out of your workplace is your business.

Your personality should be separated from your work . If boss dislikes you, and your results are good, boss should not discriminate you.

Other side of this story is situation when you bring work at home. Your poor partner for sure listen your problems, maybe you have such headache which prevents you to make love with him or to relax on any way. Some bosses abuse privacy and call you at your private number. If you are on vacation, this could be especially annoying. You are in the sea, and some jerk wants something urgent. My ex colleague had habit to hide phone under rock and to “lose” signal. 

Social networks are also burglars in privacy and booby trap for your professional life.

What is not recommended to write at social networks?

Name of your workplace.

Name of your boss.

Photos with your colleagues during party, especially if you get drunk.

Details about your business project. In some cases, you will sign statement about confidence, and if you break this, you will get fired.

Toxic atmosphere appears when you mix private and professional ingredients into one cake. When you cry at work and talk with your clients from home, something is mixed. Draw your line. Also, colleagues are not interested to hear how much times your husband farted and what your kid had for homework. If you want to forward your duties on others, because your kids are naughty at home and you can’t control them, nobody will like you.  While you are at work, don’t cook , wash or drink as you are at home. Some private firms have rules to forbid even water at office desk, and if you want to smoke you have chip card for click on automatic machine. Your minutes for smoking will count into your salary. 

Once when you lock your office door, the world is yours. Maybe some people have no life outside of workplace so they enjoy to share all details at work. For your privacy is better than people know less about you. At least, they will not have many details in possible conflicts. 

When Lydia notified colleagues about her wedding, everyone waited that day. At the end, her fiance abandoned her. It was disgrace for her, she could not keep mouth closed . She was victim of mocking and gossips for few months. All because she did not lock her secrets in safe box. 

drama · fantasy · moral · narcism · prejudices · psychology · rebellion · rules · sensibility

Fit in or stand out?

If you are one of those who know how to fit in, probably you have much friends. You have team, they stand behind your back and support you. Are you strong, powerful person? Can you say to your opponents: “Take care of me, cause my team will ruin your life. ” When ex Croatian tennis player Iva Majoli divorced from ex husband, her words were : “Beware of dark, it will swallow you.” Everyone who can count on gorillas, because of money, power or any other reasons, is not alone.

On opposite side, are you one of those who defend rights alone? 

Can you stand against crowd, lonely and without background, just with your principles behind you?

Imagine these situations:

You are in bus and radio is loud. You are the only one who complain. Yes or no?

Neighbor beats his wife. Others will not interfere, but you are the only one who will defend her. Yes or no?

You have friend at Facebook who constantly tag others. You are the only one who will remove tag. Yes or no?

Someone stand in front of you when you wait for line in restaurant. Others will be silent, will you yell on him?

Your boss makes mistake in important document. Are you the one who will warn him?

It is easy to be brave when crowd stand behind your back. You are powerful because gorilla Steve will break teeth to those who dare to touch you. Well, what if you are alone? There is quote : ” Force will break woods, but mind will rule with kingdom. ” Can you win as David against Goliath? 

Sheila was fragile girl. She was victim of bullying in high school. She did not allow to guys to touch her, so they use force and cut her part of hair. She complaint to headmaster. In this moment, she did not crying. Her face was calm and voice did not tremble. She collected her hair, and spread her palm in front of headmaster, with words: “They did this to me. ” Bullies were punished and Sheila was winner, without bullets. 

Just because you have parents, brothers, husband or friends, it doesn’t mean that they will always be with you. Some situations happen suddenly, without alert. Husband is maybe at business trip. Parents are maybe old and without power. Brother is on date with his girlfriend. And you are alone, against bullies, or against rude people who wish to hurt you, with force or words. That is situation why is important to use your character, because that is image of your real power.

I had friend teenager who was so cocky because of her popularity. She had the best clothes and the most handsome boyfriends. Well, when her own father slapped her in night club, because she did not come home at time, nobody helped her. She was weak and she cried as little baby. Nobody wanted to protect her, because it was family thing.

When you stand alone, count with this:

Don’t show fear .

Don’t change your mind.

Raise your voice. 

Don’t cry and don’t tremble.

Maybe you are fragile butterfly and gorillas might tear you, but your dignity is your weapon. If you don’t show teeth at least once, you will never go far. Courage is mother of respect, so be enough brave to gain respect of crowd.

behavior · business · career · character · control · drunkers · manners · moral · office · psychology · responsibility · rules

Hide your dirty secrets

 

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Human instincts are as wild animals, without control they will cause damage and danger. Sometimes words are faster than minds, and acts are faster than words. People who have power to control their basic instincts are masters of their life.

What happens with the lowest human instincts? 

What makes us different from animals? Your weakness is your slave, but if you let it out, it will be your master. 

You might be beautiful, smart, rich and successful person, but if you can’t control what is inside of you, all your life can be ruined in one moment. Simply, when you press one button, your life will explode in tiny pieces.

Margot was social worker, a woman full of compassion and ambitious. She had excellent results with her clients, they were children with problems in behavior. Everyone at workplace liked Margot, but she had secret. She was drinking during the work time. She was hiding this on very smart ways, with smell of perfume and gums, but one day she was in rush and cleaner lady found bottle in her garbage box. It was bottle of Absolute vodka. That cleaner lady had son with problems in school, he was reported as violent kid and Margot worked on his case. She made his profile and she was successful in her attempts to gain his trust. But when others discovered bottle, they were searching her wardrobe. They found alcohol in other places and Margot got nickname Bartender. She lost job after report.

 

We are humans, fragile creatures, covered with secrets, but some of us are more weak than others. 

When we lose control over our vices, they are masters of our life. Other people, who are less successful are the ones who will wait for our mistakes. It is really odd when that pretty woman get caught in wardrobe in flagranti with her old boss, he was only in panties, and she had red bra. Secretary and her boss caught in scandal, how nice subject for gossips in lunch break. Everyone will have something to say on this topic, and those who dislike grumpy boss and bimbo secretary will be the loudest. They got chance to spit on them.

If we are examples for others, we must show why we are examples. Policeman can’t gamble during his work. Priest can’t talk vulgar in front of his believers. Lawyer can’t be corrupted. How many times we read stories about drunk footballers, even they should have healthy life? As human, nobody is untouchable from addictions and vices. It depends how much self control will person use.

In this life nothing is for granted. You want to live beautiful life, but you will pay price for this. You can’t have everything, and if you want to play double roles, you must be master of silence. Hide and bury your dirty secrets that nobody can’t dig this out. We sin differently, but winners are those who hide the best their dirty secrets.

business · career · life · psychology · relations · rules · society

Don’t be second violin

 

One day you looked yourself in the mirror and realize that you were just stage in someone’s life. Even worse, that every your relation was indeed transit zone and other people gone when they take from you what they needed. You had this role of teacher, surrogate or substitution, until real woman come to finish the story. As in theater, where whisperer reminds main actors what to say, you were here to keep other’s place warm.

The role of whisperer is full of sacrifices, and the worst part is wasting of time. You gave someone your youth, your best edition, and he gone to replace you with other woman. Now she has all benefits you did not have, but you invested all your energy to get this man. Also an opposite, man who spend many years with woman will be unhappy if she just vanish from his life and get marry to someone else.

Lydia was one of this girls who always catch flowers at weddings but never get marry. She followed all her friends in the way to marriage, and everybody asked her when is her turn. She was eternal girl in pink dress, who will take care for best friend bride to get safe on her destination. She met Jeffrey when she lost hope in love. Then she was 40 years old. Jeffrey was little younger than Lydia, but her life energy fascinated him. She was so disappointed in love that she attacked him at first date how he wish to take an advantage. Lucky, Jeffrey was persistent and he did not want to let her go. For six months she finally get married.

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What is role of teacher indeed?

You will prepare your partner for maturity. All his failures will be expressed in relation with you, later he will not repeat this. So if you waited 10 years to get marry for him, next girl will wait probably just 6 months.

You will teach him some experiences. Maybe he will lose virginity with you or how to dance with woman. Next time he will do this without help.

You will punish him if he do mistakes, so this punishment will be lesson for the future. On this way you shown him areas which are not recommended to enter, like infidelity or saying woman that she looks fat. With next partner, he will walk on eggs. You give him red light of warning.

Not every teacher is a victim. If you play your role so magnificent, your ex will remember you for the rest of his life.

Some teachers are saints, because every next partner will be compared with them.

My ex fiance was an angel. I can’t fall in love after her. My ex husband was perfect man, but he died too early.

Some teachers are here for lifetime.

I get married with girl who taught me how to make love. I did not want to ask more.

Some teachers are threats and it is hard to forget them.

My ex wife was a witch. I still feel hurt by her acts. What if i meet someone as her again?

Until you are whisperer, you did not solve your private status. How can you be sure? Ask some benefits from your partner, so you will know is your status forever or just temporary. You don’t want to be an episode in his life? Tell him you will go away to whisper to someone else. If he did not hear your whisper, raise your voice.

addiction · anxiety · communication · internet · life · psychology · responsibility · rules

Damned virtual addiction

 

As little girl i was playing with other children on the playground. Our clothes were often dirty and few times i fall from bicycle but under tears was always a smile. As teenager i went in cafe bars and night clubs, and during summer river was my favorite place for gathering . Later we were travelling to the sea and enjoyed in parties on the beach. The same pattern i use now days because life exists on fresh air and in nature. 

I am also big fan of internet and social networks. Great way to meet many various people which i could never met in my real life because they are too far from me. Also internet is an excellent tool to expand my knowledge and save my time, to get info on faster way. If you don’t use internet, you can’t fit in. 

Side effect of internet is big addiction. Once people were addicted to pills, drugs and cigarettes, but now days internet addiction is going forward and more and more victims are in this spider net. 

In Croatia young addicts to internet, especially Facebook are healing in psychiatric clinic named Vrapče. That are young people. Recently, there was boy , 16 years old, who was not outside 5 years. He was addicted to games and social networks. He lost hair and his skin had dangerous changes, as kind of allergy. I wonder, why his mother waited 5 years to take him into clinic?

Young people are the biggest victims of internet. 


It is very dangerous if their first interaction with other people is with a help of computer. He will not find contacts in real life. Big leader on Facebook, but big loser in real life. He is playboy on social networks, but so shy in reality. Also, people with bad intention on networks are everywhere. Woman, 40 years old, married, she wants fresh young meat, seduce guy in front of camera and he is spending days to see her. Child abusers spread their claws to catch victims. Men try to catch young girls, and kind of sects want to collect new members. It is easy to catch person without real experience, for any kind of internet adventures. Games, chats, associations. Danger is in every corner. 

When you can say  that you are addicted to internet?

You spend more than 5 hours on internet.

You broke contacts in real life and your number of virtual friends is over thousand.

Every story you talk about is connected with internet.

You forget about your daily obligations.

If you have no connection at your computer, you are nervous , you ask for cyber caffe, mobile network or any way to connect on internet.

Internet is great bonus to your real life


Balance with real experiences is good combination. Today i want to go in the trip , in the forest. I will not bring laptop or cell phone. I want to breath. Yesterday it was raining so i was there , in front of my computer. 

There is good joke about internet and reality. Guy lost internet connection and spent evening with his parents. He said: ” Indeed, they are nice people, i did not know this before.”

If we stare to our computers day by day, we will know all about our virtual friends. But, maybe we will forget that today is birthday of our parents. Your wife will remind you on anniversary. How you did not know this? Because  you stop to care, you are on the level 200 of Mafia wars or Candy crush saga. 

business · career · drama · psychology · responsibility · rules · society

Regular snitch

 

Everyone will remember school days, when you had idea to runaway from classroom. When majority agreed, you were on a way to get home, together with your classmates. Unpleasant moment was next day, when someone said all to your teacher. That was class snitch. It was someone who wanted to leave good impression, and price was treason of others. If you cheated on exam, for sure snitch would knew. 

Donald grew up as kind of snitch. He complaint to his classmates because they underestimated him and he was victim of mocking and bullying. He found way, to tell all their tricks and pranks, so he was step forward. He was rat. Ten years later, Donald works in office. He report to his bosses if his colleagues get late at work, do they talk with clients or they don’t answer on phone calls, and how much they stay on lunch pause.

One day Donald stuck in traffic jam and he could not come at time. It was important business meeting, and he came half hour later. Unlucky for him, the main leader of this meeting was woman from another firm, the one who were fired before, because of Donald’s report. Now she was brand manager in marketing department.Thanks to Donald, his firm lost important clients. Nobody had understanding for Donald and his problem.

How to recognize real snitch?

This person usually use sweet words. “How are you today, dear? I am so happy to see you.”

Also snitch will give many big compliments. “You look awesome, like model. Your hair is fabulous.”

Snitch will know everything about everyone. He is the main source.

Snitch is always awake, nobody can’t miss his attention. 

Snitch is not alone. He is usually in company with his bosses and all important people at work. 

He works in his interest. If you see that someone is progressing very fast, he doesn’t play fair.

If you saw movie “The wolf from Wall street”, the main actor ended up as snitch. He betrayed all to survive. Sometimes, life is cruel, and if we grab to much, we will hurt someone. Also, we will pay high price even we did not expect this. 

No matter where is his area, snitch will always play double game. He will go for person who pays more, who is more worthy and more useful. He is double agent. 

Maybe you once got an offer to be a snitch. This offer could be attractive, to betray someone for your own success and profit. In this case, you must give up from all values as dignity, respect and loyalty. Snitch is chameleon, and he changes characters as clothes, depends on situations.

Also, don’t be surprised when your own weapon turns against you. This is double game and maybe you are now on target.