Skeletons in the closet

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If you constantly live in past, you can’t focus at present and you don’t see the future.  I learnt to separate my present moments from past. Skeletons in the closet my stay there, cause every exhumation will make them smell more.

How i look at people who constantly live in past?

They can’t forgive mistakes.

They are not progressing.

They lost battle with time, cause everything was better for them, in “that time. “

They rarely give chance to new friends, new things and new love .

Living in past make us to regret, to remember or to be nostalgic. Imagine that you drive car, and you don’t drive forward. You drive back on the road you already passed. How you can expect change if you are constantly on the same road?

One of my qualities are forgiveness and tolerance. Yes, i give chance because i believe everyone makes mistakes and people can change in some circumstances. I am not rigid, so i don’t care if someone was hooligan, cheater, playboy, player or similar. Wounded people often have big heart and bunch of emotions, at difference from people who lived under golden cage with golden spoon in their ass.

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What kind of people judge others by their past?

People who live in comfort zone. No risk, no damage.

People who don’t like changes . 

People who aware to  make any cuts.

Sometimes i had ritual to make farewell with past. I burn old diaries, old notebook and old clothes. Gifts i got from ex partners and ex friends i thrown into garbage. If there is nothing left, i go forward. I don’t hate and i don’t turn around. I want to live free , that is why i can’t look at this skeletons.

People who live in past talk on this way : “Yes, i will never forget what he did. It was very sad , i remember as it happened yesterday. I still can’t look her into eyes. I remind myself every day that she doesn’t deserve to forgive her. I will remember this till the end of my life. “

Why is that bitterness when you have so much things in present to be joyful? Living in past is life on graveyard. All is still here, but nothing new.

How to collaborate with beasts?

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This world is not perfect place. When you are surrounded by people who love and appreciate you, that is indeed source of happiness. Unfortunately, it is not always like this, and life will put you into unpleasant situations. Sometimes, you will be rabbit in the forest, and wolves will seek you as good trophy.
How many times you collaborated with guy who can’t stand you? Did you have neighbor who is rude every time you met him? You must work with ex boyfriend? This kind of situation are as taste of fish oil, bitter in your mouth, but you must digest this.
If you are flexible and mature person, you will make balance between your feeling inside and your official approach.
What to do when you are forced to deal with nasty , boomer person at work?
Stay calm. Any loss of nerves is point for your opponent.
 
Be formal. Don’t try to be smarmy or don’t act like coward. Your ex maybe scares you, but don’t feed him with your fear.
 
Smile and stay positive. Smile will upset him, because it makes you a winner.
 
Give him material for gossips. Talk loud at phone about something what makes you happy.
 
Be silent and make a memory. Next time, when this person will ask something from you, make a prank.
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Recently i got new office mate who is very unpleasant. I tried all to approach her, but she decided that she doesn’t like me. In the morning i say good morning, at the end of work time, i say bye. That is all our conversation and i don’t want to force her or beg for more. After all, this talks about her manners and education. I made also small revenge so i told her that  client asked for her, even he asked to talk with me. She was annoyed with long phone call, and i was smiling quietly. Let she taste her own medicine.
When you talk with your parents, sister, best friend, you are in good atmosphere. They courage you, you get respect, love and appreciation. With unpleasant people, with your enemies and rivals, you will be in the company of beasts. They will also give you something good. You will learn how strong and calm are you, and how you handle critics. You will learn about your tolerance and your fighting skills. Imagine how much is strange if you must work with ex husband or wife. Or, if you have common friend who invited you at the same birthday party. You will pretend that everything is all right, and deep inside of you fire will burn, ready to destroy your system.
Immature and weak person will lost nerves, start to yell or cry . Remember your childhood, did you ever play on playground with other children who were nasty to you? Maybe they slap you or hit with ball, and you came at home in tears. Now, this is not playground. This is your workplace or another space where you must cooperate with beasts. Your choice is to survive,or they will tear you.

How football connect couples?

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On first sight guys will say :”Women and football don’t match together.” Really, in old times woman was in the kitchen and man was in front of  TV screen with beer and his mates. 

The only role of woman was to bring him cold beer during the halftime and not to disturb him later.

In some countries still women can’t go on stadium, it is forbidden. World Champion cup changed the view, and more and more women became interested about football game.

Indeed, some couples go together at matches, and some follow football on TV.

What is advantage of such relations, when both of you are football supporters?

– you will not argue about programs 

– your have one more common topic for conversation

– your boyfriend or husband will not justify why he called friends to watch match

– you will not complain because of beer bottles in room, you will clean this together

– euphoria when your team wins will make you closer

– football connect you, not separate you

– he will be in mood for sex after match

How they approach women at stadium? 

I had interesting experience. I came there with my boyfriend and woman guard asked to open my purse. There was little bottle of perfume. She had discussion with me about that perfume, because accord her i could hit player with this small thing. Damn, i should have really good skill to hit the bottle so far, so perfume could not be a weapon or dangerous tool. At least she give me permission to enter with this. Other time woman told me to leave umbrella, but on another side of stadium were flares, group of nasty guys did a big mess. So, no wonder on Croatian stadiums are not good controls. Guards, take a look better, not in girls purses.

I like the feeling when our guys hit the goal. I love sound national hymn. I love to dress national colors, and some women made fashion brand from that. So, if you still think that football is boring, try to understand your partner and don’t make fight because your favorite soap opera is right now.

Discrimination about sex orientation -both sides


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In Croatian Family Law marriage is described as community between man and woman, and idea of referendum for family  is protection of traditional family, which would be elimination lesbian and gays as married couples. 

In Croatian Constitution, on that way should be regulated that marriage is allowed just between man and woman. 

Croatian Constitution regulate that everybody has right on own freedom and expression of own opinion, freedom and values, so this kind of article is against law. In Sunday people must vote yes or no, to change basic of this Constitution. The group “In the name of family” started actions for this referendum.

Croatian people’s opinion are different. Here is wish to take care of traditional values, mother and father who will take care of their children. On other hand, in Croatia are also people with lesbian or gay orientation and they want to have their love on official way. Gay pride in Zagreb and Split every year is cause of mess in the streets . 

Many people in Croatia agreed in one thing. This referendum costs, 48 millions Croatian Kuna, and who paid this money? Croatia has almost 400 000 unemployment citizens. Is this time for this referendum, also in period when every third woman in Croatian marriage  is abused woman? Why should not we vote about protection of women?

 



Since Croatia entered in European union, everyone expects resurrection of rights. 

People with gay or lesbian orientation, people who change gender asks their rights, because it is impossible to have surgery in Croatia and to change gender person must to go Belgrade in Serbia. That people have their aggressive ways to push their rights forward. Croatia is not Wonderland, it can’t be realized over night. Especially, when salaries are smaller and smaller, and our basic rights are in danger. As Marx said , in this case it would be suitable “first you must have money to satisfy basic needs, then second wishes.”

Everyone expect to realize dreams in Croatia. Homeless, Gypsies, refugees, people without job, and not everyone will give their contribution to work on better life. They wish benefits but they are not willing to take obligations.

If you think that Croatia is prison, look around other countries. Go to see their law regulations, and somewhere you will not have right even to say about your sexual orientation or you will be punished. 



We got life partnerships for gays and lesbians as form of community. This is not equal as hetero marriage, but couples has certain rights and protection. We have Gay pride every year and there are no victims, because we use democratic methods to express our wishes. Besides that, we are country which lives from tourism. Gay tourists are profitable and politicians should know this . 

Even many associations accuse Croatia for discrimination, that is not true in many cases. What we could expect from country which was build on blood and wars, that we will so easy open our doors to people we can’t trust, as refugees, migrants or others who search their shelters? 

Football and policy are inseparable

Sport and policy are two different things, but often policy interfere in sport, especially in football. Good examples are footballers Giorgos Katidis who got lifetime ban from all Greek football teams because of fascistic greetings, and Joe Šimunić who got money penalty and 10 football matches out of game because he said controversial words from Croatian history  “For home we are ready.” 

FIFA said clearly, zero tolerance on racism, Nazism and any kind of similar aggression. It is understandable when some footballers are hurt, for example Mario Balotelli when people tease him with bananas and compare with monkey. 

We have other side of this mirror.

 

Sometimes, footballers are good servants in political games. In the time of elections in Croatia, before 7 years,  ex Croatian coach Niko Kovač supported politician Ivo Sanader in his campaign. It was good marketing, because Niko was famous football player and he also said “and my brother Robert too.” His brother Robert Kovač, also famous footballer was announced as part of his support. Niko justified his words in a way that he only wanted to promote himself as captain of Croatian football.

Ivo Sanader was Croatian premier and he won that elections 2007. Later Ivo Sanader was subject of investigation, he was corrupted and he finished his political career in Croatian prison Remetinec. Advertising with Niko was subject of jokes, even these days people laugh at quote “and my brother too”, when Niko Kovač has something important to say about football. He is now national coach and for sure he is not proud on days when he supported Ivo Sanader.

Politicians and football cannot be separated, so you will see premiers, ministers and president in VIP during the football match on national level. They will shake hands with footballers. Some of them will go so far that they will be candidates for parliament in next elections, why not to connect football and policy? Croatian football manager Zdravko Mamić, who was president of Dinamo , football champion club in Croatia, said that only fools think how is possible to separate football from policy. When Croatia played against Czech Republic, hooligans interrupted match because VIP seats were taken by Tomislav Horvatinčić, man who was convicted for killed two people in accident on the sea. He seat next to Davor Šuker, president of Croatian football association.

 

Policy is a bitch. You never know when will some successful politician finish his career behind prison bars. Then you can be ashamed if you supported his side. Just because politicians bring money and connections, football and policy are inseparable but also this is reason for mess in stadiums.

Virtual friend – Trojan horse or diamond?

Do you have lot of friends? If you are popular person, probably everyone will call you on birthday, party or any kind of celebration, because you are necessary part of such events.

Now, another question is: Do you have lot of virtual friends?

Together with appearance of internet, friendship got new meaning. Virtual friendship is turn on, and people try to add more and more unknown persons, just to be popular in virtual space. So, you will see around girls in swimsuits , how they have lists of about 3000 “friends”. 

Let’s make an analysis of this kind of friends. Woman x has big Facebook list , because her photo is under avatar of some popular actress or she posted half naked photographs , to pull attention on herself.

Who are these people, and are they really friends?

50% of this list are people who never talked with her. They are collectors of numbers.

25% of this list are people who sent her messages because of her photos. They are searching for sex or flirt.

10% are colleagues from work or school mates. They talk with her or gossip what she wears that day.

5% are her relatives, including brothers or sisters. 

10% are her real friends, they care about her or maybe not, depends of situation.

One day woman x got virus and asked for a culprit. That virus arrived from 50% group of friends. She never talked with sender because she did not saw his messages , her inbox was full of spam. 

When people talk in public ” i want to be your friend”, they often doesn’t know the meaning. Friendship is not based by invitations for applications, boring games, liking boring pages or posting tags around. People who ask for that are interested for attention, not for real friendship. 

Did we forget what friendship really is, when internet appeared as technological tool for gathering people? When we started to ignore people from our real life, because some exotic stranger posted awesome profile photo which capture our eyes?

Imagine situation that you have a flu. You will not be able to post on internet, or you will shortly log in, before you go to bed. You will cry ” i am sick” and expect condolence from people. Some will use an opportunity to post behind your back and spam your wall with tags, others will gossip you around, and minority will send you message to get well. 

Why is this happening?

Virtual friends are strangers. If you don’t know them well, especially if you never talked with them, you can’t expect their loyalty and respect. They came from different countries, cultures and traditions. Even their law is different. What is rude for Asian people is maybe polite for European people. If your virtual friend is person who never came out from his city, it will be hard to understand your habits , if you are open minded creature.

This 5 signs will show you if your virtual friend is person with good intentions:

When you are not here, he asks about you, your health, your problems. He sent messages because he cares.

He will not leave your page if you had conflict with him.

He will not post things without your permission.

He will not share your personal photos, unless you allow this.

He will not flirt with your girlfriend, and she will not flirt with your boyfriend.

 

Virtual people are team. If you can feel their loyalty during years, if they don’t change their opinion about you, you are on the right way. It is not matter do you have 20 or 500 friends, or you can’t add more people because your quote is 5000 already. The point is, that you found right people for trust. One day you can meet some of them or they can help you in hard times.  Depends to whom you give hand. You can get Trojan horse or real diamond.

Why couples should hold hands?

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Walking on the street with your partner and you don’t hold his hand. Some people will consider you as couple in the moment when they see you are holding hands. If he let your hands free, he is not interested. If you do this, you are not interested enough. That would be superficial conclusion about your privacy and intimacy.

When i see couple hold hands together i will not assume everything about them. They could make impression about passionate love , but in private could be very opposite. Holding hands is gesture, kind of formality but not necessary sign that someone loves you or cherish you so much.

I don’t hold hands with my husband on the street. If we stuck in crowd he will grab my hand not to lose me from sight. Meanwhile, our hands are free. Sometimes we made jokes about couples who are going slowly, hand by hand or if they walk on the street hugged as Siam’s twins. Isn’t that clumsy?

What this gesture should mean?

He is mine.

He will never leave me.

Let all know that he is only mine.

Now everyone will see that i am taken. Even my competition.

Recently group of psychologist considered Melania Trump as unloved wife because Donald remove her hand. That is absolutely ridiculous. Touch is spontaneous thing, private, intimate and why should we remind people in every moment that we are couple. Some couples act as they wish to scream : “He is mine. Don’t you see that he holds my hand?”

The most funny scene happens when guy hold gently his girl on hand, when he is kissing her in public, and then his eye stuck on some butt. He is looking around while holding his girl for hand. That kind of guys wish to say : “So, you got what you wanted, and now let me look what else is on the market, because i am not dead yet. “

What connect couple is not forced intimacy which is expected from others. Common jokes are more useful than that. My hands are free, but my heart is taken. Me, as independent person don’t have to prove anything. If old neighbor stare from window and say : “Oh, but you don’t hold your hands together!” , that is not important to me. I don’t hold my partner for publicity, i do it for us.

In the name of tradition


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Passion is wild connection between two people who like each other. This is something hard to control and we can’t explain why we like particular person so much. Glimpse of his eye, the way how she is smiling, her lips, his hands, sexy voice and sparks are in the air. Passion doesn’t know for time and place, and when libido run over limits, we can ask for only one question :”Where?”

If you are flexible and not so picky, open air will be one of the option for making love. In summer time every river, lake, meadow or forest are good places for sex. Take a blanket  if you want to be in forest because insects and rocks will be your big obstacle. Spray against mosquitoes is also very welcome and you can go in your hot adventure.

Except of insects, unknown visitors and chance to be ashamed, you can also meet policeman. The Law of order in Croatia has money penalization for sex on open air, so accord new updates you will pay 700 euro for your pleasure. It is absurd that you will pay more for sex on public place, than if you slap a woman. If you slap woman and she report you , money penalty will be about 300 euro. It sounds ridiculous that abusing woman is smaller criminal act than sex at public place. Obviously, moral is more important than woman dignity. What can make woman humiliated, situation where she is in flagranti with her lover, for example in the beach , in hot summer night after night swimming, when both decide to make love ? Or, situation when guy slap his woman in front of the people? Because she deserved, as would small minded people say?

Public order is not just censure of naked bodies or forbidden sex on the beach.

This is just a superficial way to protect traditional values. Just, here is something forgotten. Many women in Croatia are abused, accord statistic every third woman, but nobody got an idea to collect signatures for referendum. Speaking of this, recently 65.87 % Croatian people in referendum voted for marriage as community just for man and woman, because some people were in panic of gay or lesbian love. One more time traditional values were attacked, because of sacred marriage. People forgot, what kind of marriage is community where husband beats his wife? The main thing was, traditional framework must be saved.

Sometimes, public order is as shit wrapped in golden paper. You are impressed with shinny envelope, and when you open it still stinks. 

The price of modesty

Be good and modest person and everybody will love you. That is kind of attitude to avoid conflicts, judgments or to be accepted in society as good member. That is small line of resistant, don’t fight, don’t argue and you will live peaceful life.

Modesty has good sides, so modest person knows where is her place, don’t ask for impossible things , stays firm on the ground and know to control herself. Also, modest person know to value what she owes. She is grateful even for small things. 

If you are born as modest person, and you live accord this principles because you like it, this is your right. This is part of your personality, you like to walk, you don’t need BMW, you will buy clothes in second hand shops because you don’t like brand fashion.

Conformists love to say what others love to hear. Modesty is sometimes connected with conformism because pushing yourself in the corner is similar.

When you are modest, you sustain of some material wealth, and when you are conformist, you sustain of rebellion just to please others.


If you say that you are ambitious and that you are different than others, you will be considered as pretentious egoist with vanity.  You will be Louis XIV, pretentious France king.

Self confidence and self respect are not appetite for destruction of others. If i say that i love nice clothes and long journeys, i will not be Imelda Marcos. I just have high standards toward some things and values. 

Being modest doesn’t mean that you gain real values because you don’t want to enjoy some benefits. It is your choice, but why to push your choice to others?

It is wrong to kiss the ground and to announce yourself as saint, modest angel, because of your rating in top list in this society. Yes, you don’t like me because i am not modest, but i will not cry for this.

If i say : “You can do better.”, do i underestimate your modesty as value? Modesty doesn’t stream to maximum, it is pleased with golden middle or even minimal results. Bad side of modesty is situation where you underestimate yourself, because you are maybe not aware of your possibilities, maybe your humility made big shadow over your power. 

I look at modesty as kind of curtain. If guy loves modest girl, he will take an effort to seduce her, even he is maybe too big trophy for her, in her eyes. If girl loves modest guy, she will take this as challenge if she is different, if she loves race and breaking limits. 

Look at someone in casual clothes, and you will think how modest is this person. Just, that is not complete picture. Modest person could have joker in the pocket. Poker face is good sign for modest people, because they can win race at the end.

Can you forgive to yourself?

Guilt and responsibility are elements of forgiveness. When you decide to forgive others, you will throw out their guilt, and forward this responsibility on yourself. You will forget and look in the future, with hope that they will not repeat the same mistakes as before. Sounds simple, because you set yourself free from burden. Even better, other person will feel bad, because in this moment conscience will work automatically. You are good guy, person who hurt you is bad guy, in this simple equation. 

What happens when you need to forgive to yourself? You know that you did something bad and it hunts you in your dreams. Did you hurt your parents? Did you broke heart of good woman? Did you steal and nobody never caught you? Did you manipulate with someone and now you can’t fix it, because person is dead?

Henry was famous as aggressive person. He was ex policeman and he used this power to exaggerate and punish people in cruel ways. He expanded this power in private life and his women had black eye, broken teeth and fear in their hearts. He had bad connection even with his relatives, and with years all rejected them. Ian was the only who accepted him as he is, but also he threats to Ian that he will kill him, because once he drove his mistress in the car. It was simply misunderstanding, because poor woman was alone on the road, and Ian simply offered transport to her. Ten years later, Ian died from cancer. He was good man and he had big funeral. Henry was shocked when he got bad news. He visited his family but they did not want to hear for him. He offered money to his son and he hardly accepted this, because Henry was very persistent. Henry never cried so much as that day. He went to funeral and even people gave condolence to him, he was very sad. Feeling of guilt was pressuring him, as hard rock on his heart. Henry did not forgive to himself yet. He remembers his best friend Ian, and this memory did not fade. When he close eyes, face of Ian is in front of him, as warning.

Why is harder to forgive yourself than to others?

We face with our dark side. Our dark twin is devil inside of us.

We feel big amount of guilt, and this eat us inside.

We  must admit our mistakes. 

We must accept responsibility.

We  must accept the truth, that we did not deserve some good things in our life.

We realize, that we took life for granted.

Bad act is very easy. You will just throw all good what you have. You will hurt or slap someone. You will cheat, lie or steal. 

Forgiveness is hard act. If you need to forgive to yourself, this is much harder. You need to kill this bad person inside of you if you want to survive and live again.