When someone hurts you, it is a chain reaction. Sooner or later, you will have side effects.
Very important basic of every relation is that you are ready. Than means you are free from burden, from past and that you have healthy self confidence. If you love yourself, you can love your partner too.
If you don’t love yourself, it will affect to others and they will hurt you too, because you give them rope in their hands.
Melissa was always with wrong guys, since she fall in love first time as teenage girl, until maturity. That guys built her character, because she chose them not with intention. That were choices made by her character.
Steve was aggressive, Martin was cold to her, Alan cheated her, and she passed through this. And then she met Richard.
When she introduced her new guy to her friends, all were thinking that another moron is on the way. Surprise, Richard was nice, with good manners, tender and she treated Melissa as a queen.
Soon he realized that Melissa has own vision of this relation. She found him as boring or too easy target for manipulate with him. All what her ex guys did to her, she did to Richard. She cheated him, she slap him once, she was cold toward him, and Richard had no chance. At the end he left her, and Melissa was aware that she lost the only guy who truly cared about her.
When she cried, her friend Elisa said to her :
But dear, you were not ready to relation at all. You must forget past and try to love yourself.
It was late for Richard, but Melissa learnt lesson.
It was : don’t start relation when you are unhappy and lonely, start relation when you are ready.
It is hard to be woman these days. If you support men, feminists could label you as supporter of slavery. If you support equality between genders in every area of life, men will draw you mustaches. Additional problem is in your attitude toward football, somehow there are lot of traps you should avoid if you don’t wish to be judged.
Saponia, Croatian industry of chemicals made promotional spot inspired by EURO 2016, about woman who wash man’s shirt until he is having fun as football supporter, with his friends. Message was “behind every supporter is his woman. ” So, on first sight, funny way to say men that they are powerless without women, because they could not wash their shirt alone. This raise big dust between feminists, who felt discriminated and humiliated, because promotional spot made woman as servant, accord their opinion. At the end, Saponia marketing experts apologize and made withdraw , so publicity has no pleasure anymore to see this funny video.
Football is great opportunity for marketing so i don’t see nothing bad in this advertising. Do i feel as humiliated maid when i wash my husband’s shirt? Yes, we will go in football corner to see match against Czech Republic, and i will wash mine and his shirt. If this makes me slave, than my partner is slave too, because he made popcorn every time when we watched match. Is this sense of one marriage or relation, that we measure every act we do for each other?
Somehow, it became popular to treat husbands as less worthy in some situations. When i said at work that i wish to spent vacation with my husband and this is reason i harmonize my schedule, boss looked at me as i am an alien. “Well, you will watch him all your life. So you need vacation with him, too? ” What is appropriate then, to spend vacation with friends? I am sorry, i am not so trendy so i don’t have single friends who wish to go in the sea with me and even if i had i would not be interested. There is no pleasure for me that i lay half naked in the beach until some jerk is staring at me and my female friends try to set me up date with sexy stranger. I enjoy in mutual vacation with my partner .
I will not act like dominatrix and say that i don’t want wash and iron our clothes. In my world we don’t compare who did this and that, frankly, i don’t remember how many times he made lunch and how many times i made. I also wish to say that i am employed , educated and i know very well my rights, but i am not in war with my partner , because our marriage is not battlefield.
Those who mind for this promotional spot must think about themselves. You are woman and you hate football, so this is your way to say “turn of television. ” 12% women , accord one poll watch football matches with their partners. I read one article about women who cheat partners because they don’t pay attention on them during Championship. Dear ladies, is that a way to pull attention on yourself because he watch Cristiano Ronaldo instead to whisper in your ear?
Women will say : “What is so interesting in game where man run for ball 90 minutes?” I am asking you, what is so interesting in Mexican soap operas with predictable scenario, something like this : “Pedro and Juan fall in love in the same girl Rosa, and Rosa must choose between two of them, so what will happen next? Will Juan kill his brother Pedro to get love of beautiful Rosa?” In this moment your lunch is burning and your husband stays hungry. So, is that smaller damage than dirty and sweaty football shirt? Your partner maybe spill beer in living room during football match, but you can throw your lunch into garbage because of two Mexican brothers. We all have our small weaknesses.
Until i wait next match with my bet ticket , shirt is drying on the wind and i don’t feel less woman because of this. Lucky me because i don’t need any progressive female group to remind me on my rights. And what would be if man would wash his shirt in this promotional spot? Men would complain, or maybe not ? Saponia should respond on this critics with another video, this time with man who is making popcorn in kitchen until his wife is watching Luka Modric in the action. We women are so sensitive that we need approval that our battle was not without reason.
If you are wise woman, you will not let everyone to push you in this offside. This so called battle is indeed trick . You are equal as much as you show. If you need to blackmail your partner with washing laundry , your relation is seriously damaged already.
How much we can trust to others? I would say : open your heart, but keep your mind ready in the case of trouble. As much some people wish to believe that good acts will be rewarded human nature is not so genuine. We need to make line between confidence and naivete.
If you are weirdo , your access will be denied for everyone. The world is full of snakes and it is better to be alone.
You will imagine reasons why not to let approach in your life.
Typical example is insecure person. When someone wanted to ask Margot for a date, she was thinking only the worst. Ray invited her, and dark could over her head was full of monsters and threats. He wants to use me or he wants to make fool of me. I will be mocked and subject of laugh. No, i don’t want to go on this date.
Next example is paranoid person. She burnt by bad experiences, and instead to think positive, because all bad already happened, she closed her door. Once i met a girl who was so distrustful that i gave up on her, it was wasting of my time. She said : “Everyone i met made fool of me, i write poetry and i did not want to show my poems to others because they would laugh. I feel lame, and probably i am. ” It was hard task to bring back her trust, and why should i bother? As much we want to save someone, sometimes role of savior is ungrateful because you can get knife in back even you are innocent.
Stubborn people feel so good in their skin that they don’t want to give their hands, unless this is useful for them. They will watch people and give them chance if they wish. Their trust is not broken, they just decided not to trust because that is not suitable for them. Sybill had attitude about rich people. Accord her, rich people are assholes. So when Iris wanted to make friendship with her, she denied because of her principles. Rich bitch with expensive purse and fancy car will not be her friend. Simply, she despised everyone from that circle.
Trust is precious gift and powerful weapon.
Once when you decide to give trust, you are bonded to that person. If she will not justify this, you are responsible for your choice. You will pay for consequences and possible damage. Also, if someone breaks your trust once, second chance is very expensive. You open another opportunity to distrust.
What kind of people are worthy of trust? Here we can make golden rule : It is not gold all what is shining.
Where are possible traps?
Too kind people. Just because someone use sweet words, it is not proof of trust.
Friend of everybody. This person can sit on more chairs .
People who ask favors from you on the first sight. Why to bother someone immediately you met him? Trust must be deserved.
When rumors talk about distrustful person. Where is a smoke, there is a fire. Check it.
When person repeats all the time – you can trust me. He is ready to beg on his knees. Something stinks here.
Sometimes, you will feel unpleasant if you reject someone. He smiles to you and gives you hand, so you feel guilt. That is weak spot, because person with bad intention will press your guilty button. You can decide will you trust or not. Maybe your choice will be unexpected, and you will choose your guardian of trust accord your intuition. You will not trust to recommended person, because your six sense choose different.
Whatever you choose, responsibility is yours. When you give trust, you take a risk. You will not regret or you will learn a lesson.
You wish to meet guy who will rock your world, who will fight for you and change your life. Instead of this you got someone who just want to drag you into bed.
How woman’s jealousy begins? It is based on the fact that men categorize women. Men will , maybe unintentionally pick women for marriage and women for sex. If you are in second category, you have bad luck.
So, your boyfriends are indeed friends for benefits? Are you target for fuck buddies?
Some women were born with discipline and self control. No matter are they raised in traditional , conservative family, or they are just like that by their character, that kind of women will have big advantage. They have walls, and men will be interested to break those walls. Woman who will not fall on sweet words on first sight, who will not accept invitation for bed immediately is for sure woman worthy of attempt. Other kind of women were born as passionate, but they learn with time how to make difference between real man and player. They were there, they passed hard time, and they know all tricks. This kind of women are even more interesting, they will show all what they know in bedroom, but just for the right guy. Now, the last category of women are those who never learn. They fall every time on the same exam. They know the questions but their answers are still wrong.
This facts will reveal to you, are you in third category, as easy target.
You can easy fall in love. One blink of eye, sweet smile and your heart beat faster.
You will jump in bed after two weeks or less.
Your clothes reveals more than it should be. Short skirts, transparent blouses, too much makeup, high heels in every opportunity are signs that you want for attention of men.
You changed more than 10 sexual partners in short time.
You will talk open about sex, in front of unknown men.
There are lot of gossips about your reputation, and many are true.
Leslie was always loser. She had many boyfriends but her relations were short and unhappy. Other women would pick cream, and she would just get bones from men. She was watching, during many years, how her friends were married, one by one. Then she met Bryan, who had a lot of patience. He was at first very harsh to her, he even called her slutty, but he had enough nerves to stay with her. Then she saw difference between him and other men and she fall in love in him. She even rejected ex boyfriend who wanted to sleep with her again.
One of negative things, when you accept to be someone’s bitch, is that you will think, all men are the same. You will maybe skip the right man, because of your perception. Or you will maybe cheat right man, because you learnt this during years, not to play fair. These are obstacles you should avoid. If you were fuck buddy, it doesn’t have to stay like this. It is important to recognize tricks, that situation when man try to drag you on thin ice.
When men categorize women, they will act on the same pattern. If woman was married, they will take her seriously. If woman was promiscuous, they will ask her for sex. It is so similar as the last scene from the movie “Nymphomaniac. ” She was talking with man, all her story about her dirty past. At the end, he wants to sleep with her too, and she rejected him. And he asks her : “But why, you fucked thousand man, so what is the problem?” She shot him with a gun. The message of whole story is, your reputation is your friend or your enemy. You can get lucky to find man who will read between lines. Or you can swear life, what was wrong with you.
Serbian basketball player Miloš Teodosić recently got tempted offer from beautiful pin up girl Nataša Šavija. Girl saw his photos in newspaper, also she heard that he is famous, so she sent him public message : “I want to marry for you and to wash, iron and clean for you. I will give a birth to 5 children, all for you. ” Many men would imagine himself as her husband, but Miloš answered : “I want girl with brain, so get marry for someone else and give him five children . “
His reaction was a bit harsh, but he sent clear message that he doesn’t want pushy woman who will be with him just because of his glory. If he was carpenter, would she offer herself so openly? That is in fear of many men, that they will find girlfriend who wish their money and who will marry just to have wealth and children.
As much women are afraid that their man is not ready for marriage and children, men are afraid that they found bachelorette.
Who is bachelorette and how to recognize her?
Bachelorette is woman who know that she wants to marry before 25 or 30 years, but she doesn’t know who is her husband yet. Also, if she doesn’t manage with her plan in this period, she will make her standards lower and get marry in late thirties, for man who wish to get marry with her.
How to recognize bachelorette?
She will talk very early about her wedding gown, place for marriage and children. Maybe even after two months of relation.
She will talk about events, not so much about you.
She will make ultimatums with deadlines.
She will talk about her friends who got married, and compare her relation with others.
She will introduce you to her parents and relatives very soon, You must get know your future family.
Women got surprised when their perfect match slips away. Also, they don’t understand that is their contribution. For sure, you can’t wait your husband for lifetime, but force is also not good idea. You are not product to offer herself with your values. Your partner has eyes and ears and he will make perception about you. Sometimes, you are simply not what he is looking for.
Here are one of the most often mistakes which women do:
I am beautiful, and nobody will reject me. So i will easy find husband.
I am beautiful so i must ask only rich and handsome husband.
I must marry until i am pretty because time is my enemy.
My mother and father will help me to find future husband.
I don’t need to work because i will get marry for rich man.
I must push him a little, because men in generally don’t know what they wish in life.
I will get pregnant so he must marry me.
Probably Miloš smells the same trap when Nataša gave him offer. He felt like slave in slave trade. Where is his freedom of choice in this case? In modern times, women will more often use their charm to get marry, before partner propose them. This is kick in manhood, because man is the one who decide about marriage. Man will decide because he loves you, not because you are pretty, pregnant or famous. It doesn’t really matter if other thinks that you are perfect woman for him. What he thinks about you is more relevant.
Man who is in life crossroad needs space. Will he get marry or not, it doesn’t depends of bachelorette in his life. It depends about him. In Brazil, women will reject men few times, just to be sure will he try again. Unpredictable situations are better, when woman is the one who needs to say yes or no. So guy is waiting, nervous and sweaty, what will she say about his proposal. When man feels fear of losing, that is sign that he cares. Don’t torch him too long, but don’t jump on him on first hint that he wants to get marry.
Bachelorette might fall in one more trap, trap of flirting and sex. So, man will say yes on first sight, just to get sex and when this is over, he will runaway. Who can blame him, when he felt caught ? So in this case, Nataša got honest answer and save her time.
The main subject of many female conversations will be about love. Did you find perfect match, who is he, how long are you together and when you will get marry for him. If you are happy, friends will listen you and go to next point, because happiness is boring and they want to hear about problems. If you caught Mr. Wrong, you are ideal partner for coffee time with disappointed women.
It is not first time that women kick out from their circles someone who is happy. Well, Sandra found good husband, what we will talk with her? Sheila has perfect marriage, there is nothing to add. Suddenly, here is big abyss between single and married women, and married women should be guilty for their cosy life, because they are benefited. Even worse, why guy pick Sheila, not you? You are better than her, she was so slutty and indeed stupid, so why she? If Sheila wants to give you an advice, you will get offended, after all, who gave her right to mock you?
My office roomate made big list of women who are not married on my workplace. She was happy because she is not the only one who is single. Even better, she found more than 20 women in forties who never got married. She brought an important conclusion : “They are more happy than those who are married. ” On other list were women in cohabitation and in long relations, and they were also subject of her jealousy, because they have someone to share life, and she is alone. So she chose to stick with those who are single, to feel more safe from rude objections.
This appearance has deeper roots.
Why some women always catch wrong guys and end up single?
Patience is wonderful value, but only when you are going into right direction. If you give too much chances to wrong guy, you are not good person, you are idiot.
You are time killer.
If you spent too much time to wait guy who is just flirting with you, you are time killer. Your doors are opened only for him and others stucked between them.
You are transmitter of wrong signals.
Are you forgiving all the time? Did you forget when he cheated you, punched you or lied to you? Your message to him is clear. He can do to you everything he wants.
Nobody is enough good for you.
It is ok to have your standards, but when you start to eliminate guys because of small things as bad shirt and wrong choice of music, your circle of candidats will be very small. After all, even if you find this perfect man, who said that he wants you?
You want someone who is taken.
Married men are not good choice. Also, guy who loves someone else, even he is not in relation, is also not good catch. If he is focused to bring back his ex or he is quietly suffering for other fatal woman, he will not notice you. You can try, but give yourself deadline.
You think that he is your problem solver.
That is wrong step. When you date with guy and start to treat him as shrink who can solve your money debts, depressions or conflict with best friend, he will runaway very fast. You must be independent person with strong mind, able to solve own problems, because only then this guy will feel special.
Let me back to the start of this story. Sheila, married woman became target of envy and jealousy between her single friends. But, one of them, Carmen, was ready to listen her advice. Carmen was single, but not desperate. She asked Sheila how she managed to be happy with her husband.
“You just did first step, Carmen. You are ready to listen others without jealousy and envy, it means you are focused to your problems, not to ruin other happiness. “
If your followers were despair, jealousy and envy, you are on wrong path. If you are ready to accept your happy friend as your lucky sign, your mind is opening. She is not your threat, she is more an example that men are not pigs, as you might believed. This is logical answer on your questions. If you look on the wrong side of mirror, your choice is Mr Wrong. But, if you open your eyes, Mr Wright will be your possible catch, not just prince from dream.
Situations are different and every marriage is not the same.
Some couples have kids and it can make things more complicated. Maybe your partner is just tired or he needs some change. You can make priorities, to choose him or to leave. I believe that divorce statistics would be much bigger if we would leave on first sign of crises. Also, you can cut problem from roots. Your husband start to work too much and he is never at home? He is often at coffee with his old friend from school days? Some signs will smell on infidelity. You can stop it before it starts. Some men have strange philosophy. They will jump into adventure with hot woman, but after they will have so much regrets because this is not love. It depends about woman how much she can handle.
One of the biggest fears in marriage is that you will get bored to your partner. One day, your partner may ask for a refreshment. If you ask some women, they will say “i am afraid of younger competition.” Time is cruel and we are all getting old. Just, standards for men and women are not so equal. There is no such discrimination as it is discrimination by ages.
Look at woman in twenties. She is young, pretty, full of life energy. Guys will fight for her heart and she will have much opportunities for job and education. Also, she will have much friends and social contacts. When woman is in thirties, things are easy changing. If you don’t have husband or serious relation, your choice is getting smaller. You did not notice some guys who would die for you, but now you will pay attention on them , because they are still single. If you are released from your job, you stuck into problems. Here it is, new girl is coming, she finished college, she has skills you don’t have and her level of knowledge is higher than yours. Let’s change people, as robots. New model will replace old model. You can be replaced in your private life and in your business life. Imagine actors when they became too old for their roles, and young forces are coming as replacements. Hollywood doesn’t want Demi Moore, they want Selena Gomez. Young faces are taking over and old will be forgotten soon.
This race with life and time is very ungrateful. What you can do, is to be flexible. As old car, you will change some parts if you want to drive fast as you used to. Plastic surgery, new haircut, fitness training, even new education course, all this is recommended. You are in forties, but it should not be an obstacle, take it as advantage. You have experience and maturity.
What is sad in this story, women can be very rude to each other. Young women will show disrespect toward older women, because they think world is theirs. You can see this words even on internet, if young guy wants to flirt with older women, some young girls will say : “Look old bitch, what are you asking for ? Be ready for a grave.”
Also, not all mature ladies are well mannered. Some will be very aggressive to mark their space. You are new at workplace? Be ready for this words: “Listen kiddo, you don’t know nothing yet, so better to shut up and be quiet until i am talking.”
Men can make jokes about old woman who are good as old wine or chicken soup. The worst difference made by men is when they share old and young women as women for sex and women for marriage. Young men will accept older mistress, but he will ask for young wife. That is something what woman can expect and prepare for this.
When we are in situation that new girl is coming in our life, let’s not be enemies at first sight. Some girls are indeed rude and bad mannered, but some are afraid of new life chapter, the same as we did. We can learn from each other. Young girl will teach you what is trendy, and old woman will teach you about experience and attitude. That is fair exchange. Also, young girl will also be old woman one day. Now she is declared as fresh meat, but she also has deadline.